Chapter Forty-Four: Something Forbidden

I raced out of the foul smelling tunnels that ran beneath Atollon's surface, blood rushing in my ears. My pistol was still hot in my hand from firing it at those...things when I reached where Bendu waited. He was sitting calmly in the late afternoon sun, but his face was sad.

"What the hell were those things?" I gasped, trying to catch my breath.

Bendu hummed at me as I checked over my shoulder to make sure they hadn't followed me. "Tell me what you saw."

I knew he was testing me. When wasn't he testing me? I sighed lowly as my pulse began to slow. "Spiders. They were huge."

"Yes," Bendu commented with his usual light tone. "Did they attack you?"
I couldn't help but laugh, remembering how close one had gotten to taking off my head. "They certainly weren't friendly, if that's what you're asking." Bendu watched me for a moment and I could tell I had answered wrong. How, though, I couldn't be sure. A thought occurred to me. "You said I wouldn't need this," I commented, lifting my pistol for him to see. "Why would you say that with those things down there?"

He didn't answer my question. Instead, he asked another of his own. "You've described what you saw. What else?"

I swallowed. "There was a smell. Old. Decayed. They...hissed and clicked. I could hear them following me through the tunnels."

"And what did you feel?"

"Terrified?" I tried. Wrong answer again.

"This is because you do not see them."

I frowned at the Force-wielder. "I saw them just fine," I shot back, getting a little frustrated. My time under the Sith Lord's tutelage had passed, but I'd be lying if I claimed it hadn't left a mark on me. I'd felt power. True power. I knew it was bad, and I didn't want it anymore. But it still floated at the edge of my mind, within my frustrations and sadness. It taunted me. Beckoned me to fall into the pit I knew I'd never crawl back out of.

It was a daily battle in my own mind.

"Did you?" Bendu asked, raising his brows. "The Force allows you to see things in ways others cannot."

I did my best to concentrate, holstering my blaster. I thought back, letting my mind reach into the tunnels again. I shook my head. "I can't sense them."

"May I ask a question?"

I looked at my teacher...maybe even my friend...before slowly kneeling before him to rest my legs, doing my best to find my center. "I have a feeling you'll ask it anyway."

"If you felt threatened, why did you use your blaster? Is not a lightsaber the weapon of a jedi?"

I frowned again. "I'm not a jedi."

"No, you are not." He said nothing more. He merely watched me with his nearly glowing eyes-eyes that had seen the time far before me...and would likely see far past the time I was dead.

I sighed. "I don't like using the lightsaber."

"And why not? Was it not calling to you when you found it?"

"If that's what you want to call it," I muttered, recalling how it had been screaming in agony.

Bendu nodded, waving his hand. "Go on." I reached to the pouch at the back of my belt, producing the old lightsaber. The kyber crystal inside cried out with pain. Sorrow. Loss. "You have not wielded it since leaving your dark master."

It wasn't a question, but I responded anyways. "Yes."

"Why?"

"I don't like the feeling. The kyber crystal is...hurt. It practically hurts to hold it."

"Yes," Bendu hummed. "Injured by the darkness of its former master. Fractured. But by not allowing yourself to learn from it, you are not seeing."

"What is it with you and seeing?"

My friend frowned at me. "If you cannot see yourself, you are blind to all." I went to protest. To say that by just repeating himself, he wasn't actually clarifying anything.

But at that moment, Pinky, my service droid, came rolling over the hill. Bendu glanced up at her with a frown, making me turn. "Miss," she called. "You have an incoming message from Bib Fortuna."

I rolled my eyes, knowing that he was likely reaching out over another job some other hunter messed up. Glancing back at Bendu, I saw he had leaned back to perch on his haunches, watching me closely.

"Go," he said. "But remember what I've said. You must learn to see. You must heal, or your crystal will never either."

I nodded, even though I didn't fully understand, before turning and following Pinky over the hill towards my ship.

"I see," the Father hummed from where he meditated before me. I was kneeling before his pedestal, recalling the memories for him to sift through in my mind.

I huffed a small laugh, finally opening my eyes as the Father withdrew from my thoughts. "That makes one of us, apparently."

The Father reached out his weathered hand, palm up. "May I?" I nodded, reaching back to pull forth Remulus Dreypa's saber. I flinched slightly as the contact with my palm brought on its memories, gladly giving it over to the Father.

He watched me for a moment before examining the lightsaber hilt slowly. "There are many who wish they could see and hear that past as you can, but it is not a skill that can be learned. It is a gift."

I raised my brow. "You mean…" My mind floated back to when I saw the images in Cut's mind as he recounted his story of desertion. "I thought everyone could do that."

The Father surprised me with a small chuckle. "Your jedi friends would call this gift psychometry. You can sense echoes of the past. Such as with this blade." He ignited it, the red glow casting shadows in the long hall. I squinted against the new light...and the stories it wished to tell me.

"It's not really something I can control."

"No," the Father agreed. "But control can be learned. With time."

I hummed, nodding. More training for Kida, then. Wonderful. "What did Bendu mean when he said that I can't truly see, then, if I already see more than others?"

"More in some ways," the man argued gently. "Less so in others." I hoped he wasn't planning to remain this cryptic. There was a reason I didn't understand Bendu. "Take this blade, for instance," he said further, brandishing it before me. "It tells a story. One of death, but also of hope. Yet, you will not listen to it."

I paused in thought. "It hurts."

"Yes. But sometimes the things that hurt us, teach us the most valuable lessons." He looked pointedly at my inner forearm. Despite the slave brand being covered, I couldn't help but twist my arm to hide it even further. The Father sighed slowly. "Your friend also spoke of seeing yourself. Like the crystal within this blade, you are fractured. Torn between your callings."

"I know that," I argued. "So why is he saying I can't see that?"

"You, like your friend, value balance. As all things should be. You have yet to find your own peace."

I sighed. "How can someone find peace in a war?"

The Father looked at me sadly. "How, indeed. It is a pity the Chosen One does not share your view of the Force. Perhaps then he would have stayed." At that moment, the Father looked up, as if sensing something. "Though I fear the Chosen One will be staying a bit longer, no matter his decision."

I frowned at him, worrying that he was pulling another trick as he had during the test. "What do you mean? What's going on?"

"Father," I heard a feminine voice behind me, making me turn. The Daughter was walking towards us with purpose, glowing in the dark lighting of the meditation hall.

"Come," the Father gestured to the woman, guiding her to meditate before her statue at his side. He looked back to me where I knelt. "My son has done something forbidden. Your purpose here may not have been completed yet."

"I...don't understand."

"Not yet. He will come soon. Meditate with me."

"Wait, hold on," I said, standing abruptly. "You haven't helped me understand anything."

The Father's glowing eyes settled on me slowly as the Daughter knelt and entered her own meditation. "This journey is one you must take on your own. Your balance is your own task to discover. But know this, young follower of the Bendu...your crystal can be healed," he explained as he handed me back the saber. "But it, like you, is alive. You must get to know it. And you must heal yourself before you can heal it."

I swallowed as I put the lightsaber back in my pouch. Heal myself? That was a lot to ask. And still pretty vague, if you asked me. Though...I hadn't considered that the crystal could be healed. Would it stop screaming if I could do that?

In the pouch at my back, the kyber practically hummed in response. Perhaps this was the first step. My instincts told me that I would have to hold the saber...and listen. Even if I didn't want to.

"You are growing stronger, my son," the Father said suddenly from before me, making me jump as the Son appeared in the room.

"Am I, Father?" the dark being asked nonchalantly, casting me a glance with his red eyes before turning away to regard his statue with a smirk.

"Vanity, however," the Father said, looking over his shoulder. "Is getting the better of you."

"How so?"

The Father rose beside me, gesturing for his daughter to remain where she knelt. "You have done what is forbidden." The Daughter looked skeptical, but obliged, returning to her meditation. "You have chosen the Dark Side and allowed it to feed your anger and desire for power."

The two began to walk away from the pedestal. I wasn't sure if I should follow, but I found that I didn't want to. The Son made me uneasy, especially since he appeared to me as Jango. I stayed put, watching the Daughter meditate while listening from afar.

"By bringing the Chosen One here, you've shown me my potential," the Son responded. "You've only yourself to blame!" I wondered if he meant how he had brought me here, likely from copying his Father's reaching out to Anakin. Yet, as the Force rippled through this strange place, I knew it was something even worse.

"Do not do this, son. Do not become what you should not. Be strong, I implore you," the Father pleaded as they continued walking. "Or else I will be forced to contain you."

The Son seemed bothered by that as they reached the doorway. "You look frail, Father." There was foreboding in his words. I glanced back at them, seeing the Father turn angrily towards his son. The Daughter's eyes remained closed, dutifully meditating.

"I am not dead, yet," the Father declared before continuing before his son.

"Well," the Son sighed, his voice almost hard to hear. "Perhaps," he began to scream, the words echoing. "I am tired of waiting!"

"No!" I screamed, watching as red lightning erupted from the Son's hands to engulf the Father.

The Father was thrown from the monastery, out of my view. Beside me, the Daughter leapt to her feet, joining me as we raced down the hall to the doorway where the Son stood.

"I hate you!" he screamed before morphing back into his terrible creature form and flying away.

"Father!" the Daughter cried beside me as we reached the doorway. She hurried down the steps to where he father laid...at Obi-wan's feet.

I followed her, looking in confusion at the jedi. "Obi-wan," I greeted. "What are you doing here?"

As the Daughter knelt at her father's side, holding him to her chest, Kenobi walked to me. "The Son took Ahsoka. Anakin went after them."

I frowned. "We need to help them."

"That's why I'm here. I seek the Father's help."

We both looked down at the fallen elder. "Well he won't be any help until he's better." I knelt beside the Daughter. "Can you heal him?"

She looked at me, her gaze calculating. "Yes, but we must get him inside."

"We'll help you," Obi-wan offered, the both of us kneeling to help lift the Father. We followed the Daughter back into the monastery, laying him in a room for her. Kenobi knelt beside them both as the Daughter worked, waving her hands over her father's prone form.

I could feel the Force moving around him, her will healing his injuries. I had done something similar once...with Ahsoka on Naboo. Still, that had been panic and desperation that gave me the power to do it. I wondered briefly if the Daughter could teach me to better use it.

And then I silently chastized myself for thinking it. There were more important matters at hand.

"We will leave him to rest," the Daughter declared, satisfied with her work.

"I must talk to him," Obi-wan argued gently.

The Daughter furrowed her brows. "Not until he's stronger."

"But your brother is losing himself to the Dark Side. He's taken our friend."

"Then he must have his reasons," the Daughter declared. I crossed my arms, letting Obi-wan talk. He wasn't known as the Negotiator for nothing.

"The same reason he had for attempting to murder your father?"

She looked shocked, shaking her head. "He would never do such a thing."

"But I saw him," Obi-wan declared.

I stepped forward. "So did I. Your brother tried to kill him."

"It is not his fault," she said sadly, looking away. "My nature is to do what is selfless, but my brother's will always be to do what is selfish."

I frowned. "I've never been one to really believe in nature," I argued gently, earning a scowl from the Daughter. "We were all born as something," I pushed on, stepping closer. "But we have the choice of what we do with our lives." Obi-wan looked up at me from where he knelt, lifting his brow. I could feel his pride in my words. He was happy for me. "Help us."

"I cannot interfere with the ways of the Force," the Daughter insisted. "My Father forbids it." She began to leave the room, walking past us.

"Your father interfered when he brought Anakin here," I argued, stepping in her path. "Your brother interfered when he brought me here and when he took Ahsoka. You have to help put an end to this!"

"Your brother will flee this place and wreak havoc on the universe," Obi-wan jumped in. "You and Anakin combined have the power to stop him."

The Daughter looked over her shoulder at the kneeling jedi before regarding me with her emerald eyes. Finally, she breathed slowly. "Come with me."

Obi-wan followed us from the room, the Daughter leading the way. I stopped, glancing towards the hall that would bring me to my ship. "Running off?" Obi-wan asked, looking back at me.

"Go with Daughter," I said, watching as she continued to walk. "I'll go ahead and see if I can help Anakin get Ahsoka back."

"You can't stand against the Son on your own," the jedi argued.

"No," I admitted. "But I might be able to distract him long enough to keep Anakin and Ahsoka alive until you two get there. Go," I insisted. "I'll meet you there."

Obi-wan knew he couldn't argue as I raced down the hallway away from him. My ship still sat on the landing platform, completely unable to fly without the ignition gauge attached to my belt. I wouldn't be flying it...considering the Son was still trying to get off world.

But a speeder couldn't fly. The gangway descended at the touch of a button on my wrist gauntlet, revealing the speeder I had stored inside the cargo bay.

Little did I know, I wouldn't get the chance to use it.

"Leaving so soon?"

I whirled, drawing one of my pistols to aim it at the Son. "Why? Trying to hitch a ride?" I spit. I knew the blaster wouldn't help me against the likes of him. But it comforted me.

The Son only smirked at me, flicking his fingers. My pistol flew from my hand and off the side of the landing platform. "Not quite yet," he said, morphing into his creature form and lifting into the air. I tried to dodge sideways, but couldn't avoid his massive claw coming down and clamping around my torso.

A terrible scream ripped from my throat as he lifted me into the sky, lightning flashing around us. The claw clamped harder, forcing the breath from my longs, my scream cutting off. My vision grew fuzzy, the dark, dead landscape of this terrible place racing below me the last thing I saw before blacking out.

Author's Note:

Sorry I haven't been updating a lot. Writer's block was brutal. Not to mention all the Star Wars content that is ripe for the consuming right now. I've spent a lot of time binging Clone Wars, Rebels, and the Mandalorian. As well as play through Fallen Order and see Ep. IX

I'll try to post more often now!

As always, likes/comments/reposts are all welcome and encouraged!

-Ryder