Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
BPOV
I awoke to the sound of laughter.
It was deep and funny as it ended in a snort.
I would know that sound anywhere.
Edward.
The realization sent a jolt of electricity throughout my system as I tripped over the blanket crawling out of bed. Quietly, I made my way down the short hallway to the living room to find it washed in light from the tv.
On the screen was a much younger Edward and myself laughing over something that I had missed when I was sleeping. I glanced at my house guest who was watching the display with a lost look on his handsome face. He was too caught up in the kids on the screen to notice that I had snuck up behind him.
"I hated the ending, but it started ok enough, I guess," I said as casually I could muster while turning to sit down next to him on my couch.
Edward turned to look at me with dark eyes that in the bright light of the TV looked glassy as if he were on the verge of tears. He quickly rubbed his eyes before meeting my gaze once more.
"Did I wake you?" He asked in a voice that sounded strangled.
"Why are you watching this?" I asked as I tried to pull the remote out of his hand only for him to jerk it away.
"I could ask you the same thing," he muttered without a bit of defense as his eyes locked on the younger version of us in the screen locked in an embrace.
"I…I was feeling nostalgic after I got your wedding invitation," I admitted in thick voice before clearing my voice. I refused to go into how much seeing his name with hers hurt.
Edward turned to look at me with a worried look etched on his handsome face.
"I…"
"It's ok, Edward," I said as I waved off his concern.
No way in hell was I about to be pitied by Edward Cullen.
"That's on me and this…this will pass," I lied as he watched me closely.
"Will it?" he asked softly as I ignored him and instead focused on the younger version of the man next to me as he pressed kiss after kiss against the younger me's neck.
"I have to know, Bella," he asked in a firmer voice as he turned to face me with calm look as if he were bracing for the worse. In the darkness with the shadows dancing on his face he looked like the younger man I had loved.
I knew what he was asking.
The best part about it was that he knew the answer.
He had to know.
I had told him in the countless emails I had sent him from Florida.
Yet here he sat looking at me with sad boy eyes demanding to know if I had chosen the mighty dollar over him like how his own dad had many times before.
"Why do you always think the worst about me?" I asked him as he looked at me with a blank expression.
He remained silent.
"Do you really think I would have traded you for money?" I said as I took hold of his hand in mine. I half expected him to retreat from my touch, but instead he intertwined his fingers in mine.
"I…I don't know what to think," he admitted in a soft voice as he looked down at his lap while grasping my hand in his.
"There was a time you would have just known," I whispered not bothering to hide my exasperation from years of dealing with him like this as I brought my free hand up to brush away the stray tears that had escaped and were trailing down my cheek.
I took a deep, calming breath and then let go of his hand to stand up.
"Did you read any of the emails I had sent you?" I asked knowing that he hadn't as I grabbed the file with our divorce paperwork and pulled out a wrinkled envelope. I walked back over to the couch where he remained sitting, unmoved and uncertain as he watched me approach.
"Your dad stopped by our place after you left for work," I explained as I offered him the envelope. I watched him as he carefully opened it and examined the check.
"I only thought about cashing it after you sent me pictures of Cancun that March. I think Lauren was a part of your group. You had to remember how much I hated her," I chuckled as I swallowed back the burn of emotion that threatened to close my throat.
"I mean, you were off living life like nothing happened seven months after Maura died" I began only stop myself as I felt the slow burn of anger build inside of me again. "And I was just struggling to…heal."
"Any way," I mumbled softly before clearing my throat as I glanced up at the screen and took in the sweetness that was our younger selves.
"While I would never take his money, your dad wasn't wrong," I said as I steadied myself with another deep breath.
"You would have been miserable and eventually you would have grown to hate me," I said softly, but my words caused his head to jerk up with surprise. His dark eyes swirled with emotion as he met my gaze in defiance.
"You would have," I repeated as he slowly started to shake his head at me.
"Every trip. Every semester. Every party. Every girl…Everything," I said as I felt my heart beat against my ribcage as I struggled to breathe while talking to him.
"Everything you sent me told me that I was right."
"Bella…"
"Don't Bella me," I chided as I felt his grip on my hand tighten to the point of being painful.
"You have no idea…."
"I do though, and you showed me I was right," I laughed as I felt the tears burn my eyes as I squeezed his hand in return in a caring move as I watched him struggle for words.
"You don't know what I would have done or what would have happened," he said in a rush of words that were heavy with hurt and accusation.
"I do," I assured him.
"I know you better than you know yourself," I chuckled as I watched him roll his eyes in response.
"Or at least I used to know you," I admitted as I looked away from him as he stared.
"You were wrong. I would have done anything for you…just to be with you…and you know it," he began to speak as I shook my head in disagreement.
"If that were true, you have a funny way of showing it," I snorted darkly as I watched him wince in response to my words.
"What about when I came back from my mom's?" I quizzed him as he looked down.
"What about all the times I tried to contact you?" I continued on, reminding him of every time I reached out.
"What about the emails I sent you?" I asked as he looked away, refusing to answer any of questions.
"Edward, I won't pretend to be an innocent party in the…the…the mess that is now us, but…" I began as he continued to look away, refusing to acknowledge my questions.
This was us.
All hurt and no answers.
At least no answers from him.
I had told him everything.
He was the one who refused to respond.
"In the end, all I wanted was for you to be happy. That was it," I sighed, unable to hide my exhaustion over what we had become as he brought at hand up to wipe at the tears that escaped.
"And I just wanted you," he admitted in a whisper as he pulled me closer despite my resistance. His free hand came up to carefully wipe at the tears that had made their way done my cheeks.
"Then why didn't you just read my emails?" I asked, unable to resist taking another jab at him, but he refused to answer me. Instead, he pulled me on to his lap and just held me. It was comforting and uncomfortable all at once.
"I…" he stuttered, as I moved off his lap and back on to the safe spot next to him.
"You what?" I demanded as he looked away from me in what could be embarrassment.
"I couldn't," he finally admitted in a soft voice that caught me by surprise after all of his demands.
"I couldn't bring myself to read your good bye."
AN:
Thanks for reading.
MAMASUTRA
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