Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do own a bottle of 35 cal wine though so that has to count for something

EPOV

"I need you to do something for me," Bella said quietly, but the tension of my confession hung in the air between us.

Her tone had my nerves rattled as I knew whatever it was, she would demand from me that I would not like.

"I need you to leave me alone."

I looked up from where our hands were entwined on my lap to find her looking at me.

She had a soft, yet determined look in her eyes that surprised me.

"I don't…" I stammered as I felt my face flush red with embarrassment.

"Yes, you do know what I am talking about," she laughed at me. It was a beautiful sound that made my heart ache.

"You don't think I know when you're close to me?" she chuckled darkly.

"Like I wouldn't know your footsteps out of a crowd of a hundred people."

"Like I can't feel you when you're nearby," she laughed as she finally broke her stare to shake her head at me.

"I know you come to the library when I work at night and stay until closing," she sighed as her she shifted closer to me as if she was telling me a secret.

"You don't think I know your car? Or how you follow me home and make sure I make it inside okay?" she snickered as she rubbed her thumb against my hand in a soothing manner.

"I worry about you," I admitted stupidly as she grinned and shook her head.

"I'm not yours to worry about," she laughed as if her words didn't hurt.

"You have a fiancé you should focus that unhealthy attention on."

She wasn't wrong, yet I could not imagine not knowing if Bella was ok.

"This has to stop, Edward," she sighed as she shook her head slowly.

"I need you to stop this," she said softly as she finally met my gaze once more.

"It hurts too much for you to keep doing this and…and I should be allowed to be happy too," she said firmly with a sharp nod of her head as if she willed done.

"Why didn't you tell me about Cleveland?" I asked her, taking her by surprise as I watched as she grimaced for a moment before stiffening for a moment.

"For starters, we don't talk. We haven't talked in years. We fight… or fuck…And last time we fucked so it didn't come up in conversation," she nearly hissed at me with a dark grin on her pretty face letting me know how upset that I knew about her plans.

"You still could have..."

"Could have what? Told you so you could... what? Move there? Hound me until I didn't? Talk your brother out of helping me? Which is it?" she demanded with an angry sigh calling out every option I had at my disposal to stop her.

"Wait till I tell Rose that Emmett told you, because I know she would never do that to me," she said as she attempted to jerk her hand out if mine, but I refused to let her go.

"He only told me so I would know you were moving on," I admitted with a scowl.

"So, I would...move on."

"You have moved on," Bella corrected me as I laughed at her assumption.

"Is that what you would call this?" I chuckled as I looked around her bare apartment walls before meeting her gaze once more.

"I never said it was healthy," she sighed in what sounded like defeat as the stiffness from her shoulder melted a little.

"For the record, it may not be Cleveland. It could be Austin or Portland or…or Des Moines," she lied to me as I smiled at her efforts to mislead me from knowing where she would be.

"But not Iowa City," I finished for her as she fell silent.

"Not Iowa City," she said in agreement as she nodded in agreement.

"Why not? I thought you loved it here," I questioned her with a bitter laugh, knowing the truth. She wanted to be anywhere I was not.

"I do. I love this place with the university and the energy of the city. It's home, but...but this place is haunted and I can't be happy here so it's time to move on," she shrugged her shoulders as if it was just that simple.

Maybe it was for her.

"I wish you would reconsider,"

"I bet you do," she chuckled as she shook her head at me.

"What?" I asked, knowing damn well why she laughed at me.

"Oh, Edward," she sighed as she leaned against the couch cushions.

"Forgive me if I like having you close," I admitted and then watched her roll her eyes.

"That's not true at all otherwise things would be different," she chided with a tired sigh that made me sad.

"You like stalking me. It's your hobby and probably your dirty little secret that you keep from the wifey," she laughed, calling me out on my behavior like always.

If only I could keep her laughing like this.

"You need to let me go and I need to be happy. I won't be happy here," she said softly as she brought her free hand and placed on top of ours together.

"You could be," I reminded her as she shook her head no.

I watched her cock her head and look at me with bright knowing eyes that filled my dreams.

She knew I was lying every bit as much as what I did.

"I won't be happy," she smiled sadly as she looked at our hands together instead of meeting my gaze.

` "I promise you will," I offered weakly as she smiled and shook her head at me.

"I'm tired of empty promises, Edward," she sighed as I felt the sting of her words, calling me out on how I had failed her in the past.

"I should get the opportunity to be happy too," she whispered as if it were a secret.

"I won't be happy like this," she chuckled softly, but I could feel the bitterness of her words.

"I can't live here and walk past you like you're a stranger. I can't… watch you go on with a life with her. I just can't."

She wasn't wrong.

I had done that.

I had followed her.

I couldn't stand to see her happy when I wasn't.

It wasn't right, but it wasn't about being right with her at the time.

"Don't you want me to be happy?" She asked as if she was scared to know the truth.

She didn't wait for me to answer.

I hated that she was right not to wait because I might have told her I wouldn't want her to be if it didn't include me.

"I want to... live and have a family," she admitted softly with a dreamy smile as she whispered her future dreams to me like how she had once done when I was part of her dreams.

"Husband optional," she ended with a laugh as I felt the icy fingers of panic creep up my spine.

"What about last time?" I asked her trying to hide the panic in my tone.

"That's why I said optional," she teased me then snorted with laughter.

"I'm not ever getting married again," she laughed then pulled her hand away to wipe at her stray tears.

"No," I corrected as the image of her on a gurney, pale, terrified and clutching her belly being wheeled away from me as I stood helpless to do anything, except watch her go filled my mind.

"Kids?" I croaked as she shook her head at me once more.

"I was told that a splenic artery aneurism was rare. That... that I could go on to have other children, they would just monitor me closely, that's all," she shrugged as if almost dying was no big deal.

As if I hadn't witnessed it.

As if I hadn't begged whatever god there was to bring her back to me.

As if I hadn't been there to hold her when she cried or the basin when she puked because her body had shut down after such a massive blood loss so it was working out how to function again. I was there when we looked at Mara together, and held her as she sobbed while holding our child. I had been there for all of that.

"But what if..."

"It's not your decision, Edward," she reminded me by echoing what I had accused of denying me.

"You had your chance to have your say and that's… well, that's gone."

I could feel the tension in her touch as I held her hand in mine.

"Besides, wouldn't make it easier for you to know where I was at all times if I died?" she teased morbidly as I stared at her in horror. "I mean, it'd make the stalking easier."

"Have you lost your mind?" I demanded, not bothering to hide the outrage in my voice as she laughed at my reaction.

"Maybe," she admitted with bark of laughter.

"I can't live in a world where you don't exist," I admitted weakly as thought about those first days without her when she went to Florida and how I couldn't even breathe without her.

"You're going to have to figure out how."

AN:

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