Ch 21 The Talk
Sirius' POV
The sexual tension between Hermione and Snape was quite apparent and it was driving Sirius mad. One minute they were arguing, the next they were ignoring each other and giving each other longing looks when the other wasn't looking before falling into an awkward conversation. He knew that their conversation was awkward since it didn't flow. It was stiff and choppy. At least they were only talking about Order plans. If they were going to attempt to talk about anything personal in this state he may die from secondhand embarrassment. He literally just wanted to shove them into a closet and lock them in. He knew that any charms he used they would easily be able to get around it and then they would point their wand at him. But if they keep this up then he will risk it. He was desperate for them to put him out of his misery.
Sirius was extremely frustrated by the lack of progress between the pair. He thought that now since Snape was no longer her teacher there would be nothing holding these two back. But he was wrong. And now he knew why the two of them were being incredibly stubborn and it was simply their own fault. And it was annoying beyond belief.
But from what he was hearing they had sabotaged their own budding relationship.
"Woah, back up. You're losing me."
Sirius and Hermione were sitting in the living room. Harry had already left to stay with the Dursleys and the Order had dispersed to start making preparations. Including Snape. Though Sirius wasn't sure what preparations he would need to make, now that he was a permanent resident at Grimmauld Place. It was just the two of them sitting on the same couch. Though Crookshanks was sitting in between them sprawled out with his belly exposed. It was late at night but the room was illuminated by the glow of the oil lamps and the fireplace.
"You're telling me that, not only you but also Snape actually admitted to not only to yourself but each other that you have feelings for one another. That as far as you both can decipher are romantic. But instead of acting on them. The both of you agreed to simply ignore them until they went away." He was looking at her intently after she summarized everything that had been happening or well not happening between her and Snape this past semester. At first, he was ecstatic and was internally celebrating as if Christmas came early but he thought too soon. She was leaning back with her head tilted up and her eyes closed. "But they haven't gone away for you. And you aren't sure if they have gone away for him."
She didn't bother to open her eyes as she said, "Yes, that pretty much sums it all up."
He wanted to hit his head at her stupidity. "Do you maybe think, in retrospect, that this was a terrible idea?"
She sighed heavily at the question. "It would definitely have been a terrible idea if we did act on them."
He wasn't sure what she meant by that. But how much worse could it be than not acting on them.
"And why is that?" He wasn't sure why the two of them needed to make this more complicated than it needs to be. A man likes a woman. A woman likes a man. Both want to consensually be together. So why aren't they? Oh, he knew the answer was their own stubbornness.
Her eyes flew open and she sat up. "Besides the fact we weren't entirely sure of what we were feeling. Or if it would even last?" Her voice grew louder as she became more frantic. "Maybe because it is Tuesday and my life is a mess."
"And?" All of their lives were a mess. And honestly when was the last time her life wasn't a mess. It didn't mean she had to stop living hers. Snape for some reason made her happy. She couldn't feel guilty or think logically when it came to her feelings. Emotions weren't always logical. And he knew it was hard for her not to rationalize everything. But if she wanted to be happy then she would have to not think for once in her life and be selfish.
"And he is still technically my teacher." He didn't know if that was true. He wasn't sure when exactly his contract would expire. Yes, he was her teacher but to be fair he was a teacher since he was 21. Any prospective woman he would want to form a romantic relationship with who lives in Britain was most likely taught by him. Sirius really didn't see it as a factor. And even if she did it didn't matter.
"He won't be forever."
"I am 20 years younger than him." To him, it just seemed like she was making up excuses. Though it was a valid point it didn't seem to truly matter to her. Besides, she was an adult.
"Hey you did say you found maturity attractive," he reminded her.
She grunted as she threw her head back into the cushion. "I just can't allow myself to get too deep into something that might not last."
"Well if it makes you feel better I don't think Snape is the kind of guy who would do a fling. He would want something serious. And I don't mean me." He was trying to be supportive. But the truth was he was just speculating Snape was still a mystery in all of this. And he was not going to ask Snape to talk about his feelings. He may be reckless but he wasn't suicidal. But he had a feeling that Snape wouldn't have even revealed his feelings to her in the first place unless they were extremely strong. Or because he was backed into a corner.
"That's not what I mean." She looked at him and he could feel the sadness in her eyes. "We are still in the middle of the war. And somehow he is in even more danger now that he isn't a spy. Voldemort may be targeting Harry. But every single Death Eater is gunning for him because of his betrayal. If he is to survive, he doesn't need any distractions." The words that she distracted him were left unsaid.
He could see her point. He really did. But at the end of the day did anyone of it really matter if it didn't mean anything. "Have you ever heard the saying you need to live in the moment?"
She shook her hand back and forth. "Not when this moment is in the middle of a war." She had resigned herself to the fact. It was clear that she wasn't going to change her mind. At least from his words. She smiled at him sadly and made to stand. "I'm gonna head to bed. Goodnight Sirius.
He watched as she left the living room and waited until he heard the creaking of the stairs. "This is going to be way harder than we thought." He looked down at the orange cat who was already staring back at him. "Don't look at me like that. The fact they even admitted anything is a step in the right direction. And a huge monumental moment for Snape. Now we just need to fix the little rut they have found themselves in." He started stroking the Crookshanks fur emitting a purr from him. "How do we go about it? Hmm. Cause I am not sure."
He understood Hermione's hesitancy he really did but he felt that all it was doing was harming the pair then doing any good. And it was his job as her guardian and friend to make her happy. And right now that involves Snape. "I think they would suspect something if I were to lock them in a room together." Crookshanks meowed at that comment. "No. You're right they would be able to escape any enchantments. They are much too clever for that." Well, there goes that idea. "If it was anyone else I would make Snape jealous. But it's Kitten. Shame too since it worked so well for Prongs." The cat continued to purr and had its eyes closed. Clearly on his way to sleep. "Well, you are no help."
Sirius leaned back against the couch and closed his own eyes. "All I know is if all of this sexual tension keeps happening, I will bash my head against a door. "
Perhaps he would have a better chance with Snape. And that's saying something.
But right now he was failing once more and quite miserably.
Though perhaps a part of it was due to the firewhiskey in his hand. He wasn't drunk. Just slightly more inebriated than he anticipated after two glasses. He might have underestimated what a couple of months without drinking did to him. He didn't relapse. He only stopped drinking just to get his drinking under control. He never planned on stopping permanently. And considering how this school year ended and some time has passed where he wasn't too emotionally exhausted or unstable. He wasn't heading to the bottle for immediate emotional dependency.
And it wasn't as if he was drinking alone.
Snape was with him and definitely had more to drink than him. And yet he didn't show it. If anything he acted just like his usual self. Though a bit more like his old moody self. He was quiet and not very talkative. Though that wasn't very uncharacteristic. But he was a lot more passive. Not even a smirk or glare was on his face. It was as if he was staring into his glass searching for answers. He was very reflective and melancholy.
But it was just the two of them. Hermione had headed upstairs a long time ago citing that she was heading to bed though he wouldn't have been surprised if she was still up and in the middle of reading a book.
And so it just left him, Snape and a bottle of firewhiskey.
Severus' POV
The firewhiskey wasn't helping Severus much. Though it seemed to have a strong effect on Black. If his exaggerated hand gestures were any indication. And somehow his non-filtered nonsense became worse. Because now he only had a one-track mind. Apparently while drunk Black was a lot more motivated.
"You know what your problem is?" Black spluttered.
"Enlighten me, Black," he drawled. He wasn't sure why he was even humouring Black. But he had nothing better to do and it was a good distraction from what his thoughts were telling him.
"There is a gorgeous and intelligent and extremely self-sacrificing, curly hair witch upstairs. And you are currently drinking away with me. What the hell is wrong with you? She is crazy about you and you are crazy about her. Stop sulking and go claim what is already yours. Stop dancing around each other and I don't know how to act like the mature adults you are and talk about it. Snape as much as it pains me to say this since she is like my magical daughter but go up there and shag that witch." Black finished while pointing in the direction of the door. He wasn't telling him to leave the house. In fact. If Severus just heard him right. He was telling him to stay the night and not in his own bedroom either.
Severus found himself completely at a loss for words. He didn't know that Black was aware of what had transpired between him and Hermione. He figured that if she ever told him he would have come after his blood. But he never did. It almost sounded like he approved. And though he could blame his encouragement due to his drunken state. It didn't change how he wasn't angry by the idea itself of him and Hermione being romantically involved.
Well getting the seal of approval should have meant something to Severus. But it only made him feel more guilty. He was sitting here with Black while Hermione was upstairs. He was sitting here moping around with his sorrows when all he had to do was climb a couple of flights of stairs. It was so easy and simple and yet it took Black saying it for Severus to figure it out.
You know what?" Severus said before lifting his drink to his lips and downing the rest of its contents. He then proceeded to stand and make his way towards the door.
He couldn't recall if Black said anything about his quick departure. He found that his mind went tunnelled as he made his way up the stairs. He quickly climbed them and was walking so fast that he had to keep a hand on the railing to steady himself. He did have a point. About talking to her. Not the other stuff. He didn't want to be alone with all of the thoughts inside of his head.
But once he found himself on the third floor he found his pace slowing. And once he made it to her bedroom door he found himself hesitating. He raised his hand to knock but found his hand still in the air.
But he found there was no turning back as the door opened and he found himself facing Hermione. Her hair was down and she was wearing shorts and an oversized button-up shirt that was slipping off her shoulder. It appeared as though she was dressed for bed and yet her eyes seemed wide awake. It didn't appear as if he woke her from a night of sleep.
She seemed surprised to see him but not upset. It almost looked like she was relieved that he was there. It was entirely possible that she was making her way to come find him. The two of them just stared at each other in silence. Standing here in front of her. Anything he planned to say which wasn't much died on his lips.
But luckily she made the first move. "I couldn't sleep."
"Neither could I," He admitted. Though that wasn't all that was on his mind. It was one of the many things that plagued him. He found himself losing whatever confidence he had. His nerve was slipping.
Hermione bit her lip and looked inside her room before looking back at him. "Would you like to come in?" she asked hesitantly.
He found his mouth going dry and yet he nodded and followed her into her room. But not before closing the door behind him.
Sirius' POV
Sirius woke up late the next day with a hangover and a blurry memory of him telling Snape to go have sex with Hermione. The kitchen was empty and there wasn't the usual smell of coffee and toast as there normally is when Hermione was up. So she hadn't come down yet. Good because he had an awful headache and needed to remember what exactly happened last night.
By the time he sat down to read the newspaper and had a cup of coffee in his hand he was feeling marginally better. And that was when Hermione made her appearance.
She doesn't look particularly different her hair is bushy and wild but he choked that up to bed hair rather than sex. She yawned as she made her way to the counter to pour her own cup of coffee.
"Morning. You're up late?" He said after noticing it was half-past nine. Normally she was up around half-past seven.
"Ya, I didn't go to bed until early this morning." Oh, he bet she did. He was just glad he was too drunk and passed out asleep to have heard anything that occurred between them. It was one of the curses of being an animagus. His increased hearing. Was a blessing and a curse. Even three flights of stories didn't stop the travelling of sound. And there were just some things he didn't want to hear.
"When did Snape leave?" He asked conversationally. Wondering if he was still upstairs or if he sneaked out this morning.
"Around the same time I went to bed" She wasn't really paying him much attention nor did she find his question odd. Nor did she notice Sirius silently seething.
Geez, what a bastard. He left her after that. The next time he saw Snape he was going to punch him. But right now she needs him. He set his newspaper down and gave her his full attention. "Is there anything you wanted to ask me, kitten?"
"No, why?" She stopped stirring when she noticed him staring at her.
"Ohh you know. About the birds and the hippogryphs?" He tried not to wince with how that came out. It sounded better in his head.
"The what?" She sounded completely bewildered by the term.
"You know," he said, gesturing with his hand hoping she would catch on. With all of the knowledge and information she had stored in that head of hers, this is where she gets confused. "The hanky panky. Naked hand-holding." He said listing off whatever terms popped into his head that wasn't too crude.
"Do you mean sex?" She asked, looking at him as if he had grown two heads. Okay, perhaps he should have been more direct with his question. "Why are you asking me about sex?" She looked around the room very much confused by the direction of this conversion.
He really didn't want to have to spell this out for her. But if she was going to play all confused then he would indulge her. "Well with you and Snape taking the next step in your relationship it's only natural to have questions and concerns that perhaps you don't want to talk to him about.
She set her cup rather harshly. "He and I didn't have sex." she fruitfully denied. She didn't seem to understand why he had come to that conclusion.
"It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's perfectly natural and a normal occurrence in a relationship." He didn't want her to feel embarrassed or ashamed over what had happened. Things didn't need to be weird now that he caught the two of them.
"We were just talking last night," she protested loudly.
"Yes, I was your age once I know all about talking." He was hoping that she wouldn't be so defensive. He had hoped that the two of them had established a good enough relationship, to be honest about such things.
"Sirius. I am a virgin!" She loudly said.
His brows raised to his hairline. "Oh."
So when she said talking they were just talking. Well, he buggered that one up. When he remembered what happened last night and Snape left during their conversation he just automatically assumed that he followed his advice. Well, he did in a way just not what Sirius expected. Well now he was mortified and by the blush rising on her face so was she.
"Ya Good talk." He said meekly trying to regain some semblance of self-control and reign down on his embarrassment.
"Bye," she said loudly as she dashed for the exit. She didn't even bother to bring her coffee with her in her haste.
Crookshanks decided now was the time to make his appearance known. He jumped onto the table and looked at him expectantly waiting for him to give him some food. Sirius had no choice but to indulge him. He could hear the pounding of feet as Hermione ran up the stairs.
That could have been a lot worse.