Chapter 17

I parked in front of my parents' house and sat for a moment. Usually, my mom or grandma would be waiting at the door or would show up within seconds of my arrival. Today, no one was at the door, and no one came. After a minute I got out of the Macan and made my way in. It was silent in the house. The TV was not on, and if the door hadn't been unlocked, I'd have thought no one was at home.

"Hello," I called. "Anyone here?" At my call my mom stepped into the dining room from the kitchen.

"Stephanie!" she said. "I didn't hear you come in. I was on the back porch shaking out the kitchen rug." She looked around me as if expecting to see someone. "Are you alone?" she asked.

"Yeah, and it looks like you are, too. Where is everybody?" I asked.

"Your father just left to go to his annual lodge dinner, and your grandmother is having dinner with Dorothy Biederman. They're going to the Rawlings' viewing after dinner, so it's just me."

She walked to the door and looked out. "Where did you get that car? What happened to yours?"

"Nothing happened to mine. It's parked in my lot. I've been doing some work for Ranger, and he gave me his car to drive."

"What kind of work? Is it dangerous?"

"It's some investigation work," I said. "Any work I do for Ranger is far less dangerous than what I do for Vinnie. I thought it was pot roast night."

"Did you come for dinner?" she asked.

"Well, sort of."

"Normally it is pot roast night, but since I'm here alone and there was no one else to cook for, I'm having what I want for dinner. I could fix something for you," she offered.

"What were you having?" I asked.

She blushed. "Chocolate cake."

I grinned, surprised but pleased that my mom was doing something so un-mom-like. "Is there enough for me?"

I followed my mom into the kitchen and watched as she cut two large slices from the cake. She poured us both a glass of iced tea and we sat at the table to eat. The stars had aligned and I was home alone with my mother. I wanted to eat the cake and then jump and run, but I knew I had to stay, and I had to tell her. I'd wait until after our impromptu dinner.

My mom had other ideas. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Are you—sick?" she hesitated just enough before she said sick that I knew she wanted to say pregnant.

I looked up from my frosting-filled fork. "Nothing's wrong," I said. "I'm not sick or pregnant. Why would you assume something's wrong."

She rolled her eyes in much the same way I knew I rolled mine. I stared at her for a moment and saw the person, not the mom. Her eyes were mine, or technically, mine were hers. She was pretty, still slim, and wore her clothes well, even if her clothes were conservative and a little dated. I might look much like her when I was her age and that wasn't such a bad thing, I decided.

"You rolled your eyes," I said. "Why?"

"Because I've known you all your life, Stephanie Michelle Plum. There's something you're bursting to talk about but at the same time you don't want to. I can see it in every little nervous tug of your curls. I can see it in the way you wiggle side-to-side in the chair. The last time I saw you act like this was when you told me you'd lost your job and your car was getting repossessed. Is that what happened? Is that why you're driving Ranger's car?"

I sighed. "No. My car is not getting repossessed. It's parked in my parking lot and there's no problem with it. I do have something to tell you though."

"Is this about Ranger? Or Joe?"

"No, this is about me and, well, it involves Ranger a little. Mostly it's about me." I looked down at my plate and wondered how to say what I needed to say. I realized my plate was empty at the same time a new slice of cake was deposited there.

I looked up in surprise to see her giving herself a second serving. "Just start at the beginning and go from there," she said and so I did.

I told her everything, leaving out only the details of the sexual acts between myself and Rafael. I told her about Ranger's discovery of my involvement with Rafael, and of Ranger's promise to Louis and Ella to bring him to justice. When I finished, I looked up at her and made eye contact for the first time since I started my story. I had tears in my eyes, but she returned my gaze completely dry-eyed.

She stood from the table and went to the cupboard where she returned with a bottle. She uncapped it and poured a slug into each iced tea glass, topping them off. She set the bottle on the table between us.

"Double Barrel bourbon whiskey?" I asked.

My mom shrugged. "It's local. From Asbury Park. What did he do to you that you're not telling me?"

"I've told you everything." And I had almost. I didn't tell her about the David tape. Ranger and I had agreed the existence of that tape would remain a secret. It would serve no purpose for my mom to know the grizzly details and although I knew she suspected there was more, I felt sure the reality was worse than anything she could imagine. I cautiously took a sip of my iced tea. It was surprisingly good, so I took another. My mom was doing the same.

"If you think there's only one tape and you have it, why did you tell me?" she asked.

I took another bigger drink. "Because I can't be sure if there is only one tape, and there is more to the story."

She took another drink. "I thought there would be."

"Ranger has committed to doing everything he can to get Rafael convicted of David's murder. Right now, I am the best option of getting that done. I heard part of the argument between Rafael and David the night David was killed, and Ranger has video of Rafael with David's briefcase after David was murdered." I stopped to take another drink.

"Louis, David's father, can testify that Rafael had a motive for killing David. All the evidence is circumstantial. Rafael has an alibi for the night of the murder, and even though we know it's bogus we probably can't disprove it."

"How are you the best option?" my mom asked.

"I can confront Rafael and get him to confess. I don't have all the details, but Ranger would never let me do it if it wasn't safe. Right now, he won't even consider it because I've told him how devastating it would be if the tape was made public. If I confront Rafael, there would be a trial and even if the tape didn't come out, all the details would. He doesn't want to put me or you and the rest of the family through that." I took yet another drink. Whiskey was surprisingly easy to swallow when it was diluted with tea.

"Well, that makes things clear," my mother said. "You've given me news that could be potentially devastating to the family in order to manipulate Ranger into letting you have your own way."

My mouth dropped open as her words permeated my slightly tipsy brain. I wanted to refute her, but with the sudden clarity that comes after guzzling a half glass of iced tea and whiskey, I knew she was right. I closed my mouth and just stared at her.

"Stephanie, I didn't mean that to sound as harsh as it probably did. You were a victim. I'd like to say I don't condone what you did with this Rafael person to get back at Dickie, but I might be a hypocrite if I did. I might have done the same thing when I was your age if I'd found myself in a similar position."

My mouth dropped open again and I took another drink. My mother noticed. She took my glass and emptied it into the sink and refilled it with plain tea before she set it back in front of me.

"It will be the talk of the Burg for a long time if this comes to light. Your grandmother will revel in the sensationalism of it. Your father will completely ignore it. I will survive it. I don't want you to ever be afraid to come tell me something of this magnitude again if the situation should arise. I am your mother. I love you."

I was gobsmacked. I knew my mother loved me, but I didn't remember the last time she said it. We Plums avoid these kinds of emotional outbursts. Okay, so she said it pretty matter-of-factly, but still, she said it!

"It won't be the first time this family has been the center of a scandal in the Burg," she said.

"You mean Valerie's divorce and unwed pregnancy?" I asked.

"No."

"Oh," I said, suddenly feeling deflated. "My divorce with Dickie."

"Again, no. I'll tell you about it but, first, I want to know. Did this incident have anything to do with you and Joe breaking up?"

"No. As far as I know, Joe knows nothing about this. I never told anyone."

"Then were the rumors true? You broke up because he was cheating on you?" she asked.

"I didn't know there were rumors," I said. "I don't know if he was cheating on me or not. We just decided we weren't right for each other. Actually, I decided. I broke it off. You can see it didn't take him long to recover."

My mom took a long drink of her tea, and I took a long drink of my non-alcoholic tea.

"From everything you've told me tonight, Ranger has been very helpful to you. He must care a great deal for you," she said.

I wondered where this was going. I wasn't sure how to answer.

"Do you love him?" she asked. "Is he the reason you broke up with Joe?"

Yes. But I wasn't ready to admit that aloud. Who was this woman? My mother wasn't acting like herself.

"I'm going to tell you about the first scandal I was involved in in the Burg," she continued. "It was a big one, but I survived it and I, and the rest of the family, will survive if your sex tape becomes public." My sex tape. It sounded tawdry and I guess it was.

"A long time ago when I was young, I met a man and fell deeply in love with him, and he fell in love with me. His name was Franco."

"Daddy's name is Franco?" I asked.

"Franco Morelli," she said. "Joe's father. I was a good Catholic girl, but I gave him my virginity. We couldn't stay away from each other. My mother didn't trust him, but she allowed us to date. I should have listened to my mother."

I thought maybe I'd entered an alternate reality. My mother dated Joe's father. Old man Morelli. The man that used to regularly discipline his children with a closed fist.

"Did you ever wonder why Joe's Grandma Bella dislikes you so much? Or his mother Angie for that matter?"

"His mother likes me," I said. "Or she did before we broke up."

"She probably likes you better now," my mom said. "When things got serious between Franco and me, he told his mother he was going to marry me. Bella had other plans for her son. I was not Italian and therefore not fit for her son."

"Did she put the eye on you?" I asked.

"No, she wasn't that crazy back then. She had a good Catholic Italian girl all picked out for her son to marry. Angie Sunucchi. Their families had betrothed them to one another when they were children, but nobody bothered to tell Franco."

"Wait!" I said. "Angie Sunucchi? I thought the Sunucchis and the Morellis were on the same side of the family tree," I said.

"They are. She was Franco's third cousin. Far enough apart to get married, but near enough not to pollute the family bloodline."

"Wow, Joe's mom married her cousin. I wonder if he knows," I said.

"Most likely he does," my mother said. "Bella came to our house, which was the beginning of the long feud between your grandma and her. She basically said that a Hungarian girl wasn't good enough for her son, and he was going to quit seeing me. She said he'd gotten a nice Italian girl pregnant, and he was going to marry her. Your grandma was stronger back then and she threw Bella out the front door and put a gypsy curse on her."

"What! Grandma isn't a gypsy!" I exclaimed.

"No, she's of Hungarian descent but in Bella's eyes it was all one thing. My mother was left with the task of telling me that Franco had gotten Angie pregnant, and they were going to be married. It was the talk of the Burg."

I tried to imagine my grandma telling my mother a story that no doubt broke her heart. Then I tried to imagine my grandma throwing Bella off the porch. That scenario was a little easier to see in my mind's eye and I smiled a little at the thought. My mother frowned at my smile.

"Sorry," I said. "I was only smiling because Grandma cursed Bella before Bella put the eye on her. It seems right, somehow."

My mom smiled slightly and nodded in agreement. "The story gets worse from there," my mom said. "I didn't believe it. I didn't believe Franco had been seeing anyone but me. It took every bit of courage I had but I went to his home. He answered my knock, and we sneaked like thieves around the corner of his house and into his garage. He told me he loved me and he still wanted to be with me, but since Angie was pregnant, he had to marry her.

"I was devastated, not because she was pregnant as much as because he'd cheated on me and made no apology or excuse for it, and he wanted to keep seeing me on the side.

"The Burg was on fire with the story that I'd been cheated on and then dumped by Franco. I didn't care about the gossip. I was reeling from finding out what kind of man I'd fallen in love with."

I reached across the table and took her hand, needing to comfort her for a heartbreak that took place before I was born.

"You know, secrets are hard to keep in the Burg," my mom said, "but I've kept one for a long time." The back of my neck prickled and the little hairs on my arms stood on end. That's exactly the way my story with Rafael had started.

"Your father and I have kept this secret for many years and now I'm going to tell you. When Franco left me to marry Angie, I was pregnant."

I picked up the bottle of Double Barrel whiskey that was still on the table between us and recharged my tea.

"I was pregnant, but no one knew. I was ostracized by the good citizens of the Burg for being somehow less than Angie. They crowded around Angie, forgiving her for her sin and planning a big Italian wedding. I was the cast off, the outcast, and from that day forward I vowed to never put myself in that position again.

"I'd known your father for a while. He'd asked me out once and I told him I was seeing someone. In the middle of all the turmoil he asked me out again, and I went. I knew he had a crush on me. I didn't return his feelings, but I needed a friend at that time, and he turned out to be a good friend."

I took a huge gulp of tea. Was my mother getting ready to tell me my older sister Valerie was really Joe's half-sister?

"We continued our friendship and then one night, I told him everything. My pregnancy was still early. No one knew, and I wasn't even sure how far along I was. He asked me to marry him, and I said yes. I didn't know what else to do. I traded in passion with Franco for a fondness for Frank."

"How old were you?" I asked.

"Just out of high school. Your dad is a couple of years older than me. He was already working at the post office. I had planned to go to college. I wanted to be a nurse, but instead I was going to be a mom."

"The…the baby?" I asked.

"We married at the courthouse as soon as we could get a license and that was the talk of the Burg, too. Surprisingly, no one guessed it was because I was pregnant. They thought I was trying to one up Angie and Franco by getting married while their wedding was still in the planning stages."

My mother, the good Catholic, was married at the courthouse! I realized I'd never seen their wedding pictures and now I understood why.

As if reading my mind she said, "We had the marriage blessed in the Church six months later, but two weeks after we were married, I lost the baby. Your father drove me all the way to Philadelphia so no one would know. No one ever found out."

"But you stayed married?" I knew of course they had stayed married, but I wondered why.

"I love your father, Stephanie. He's a good man. A better man than Franco turned out to be. We've had a good life. In some ways it might seem I settled, but maybe that's what I needed to do. It was a hard time, losing the baby, and dealing with the lingering feelings of both love and hate I had for Franco. Your father was patient and kind to me, and my feelings for him grew."

"And Angie's baby…was that Joe?"

My mom shook her head. "They were married for two years before she had a baby. There was a rumor that she lost the baby, and either she did or there never was one to begin with. It doesn't matter. I thought Franco truly cared about me, but he cheated on me. He cheated on Angie, too, throughout their marriage, and I should be ashamed to say it, but I took pleasure in that."

I sat quietly, dumbstruck by everything I'd heard. My mother had listened to my story, dealt with it, and then dropped a bigger bombshell on me.

"You understand why I warned you and Valerie to stay away from the Morelli boys now?"

"I do," I said.

"I knew they would grow up to be like their father. I didn't want you to be hurt by them the way Franco hurt me. It looked like Joe was following in his father's footsteps. He hurt you and then left town, but then when Joe came back from the Navy and became a police officer, I wondered if he was the exception to the Morelli norm.

"After Dickie, when Joe came back into your life, I somehow saw you and Joe getting together as fulfillment of what I'd lost. The hurt I'd felt was still there and it came back to the surface. I'd been told I wasn't good enough for Franco, but here you were dating Joe and I began to hope for a marriage. I was going to show the Burg you were good enough. I was using you to live out the dream that I'd had to give up. That was wrong of me and I'm sorry, Stephanie."

I wasn't comfortable with my mother apologizing to me. "It's alright," I said lamely.

"I was wrong to assume what you and Joe felt for one another was the same as Franco and I had felt when we were so young."

"I love Joe, Mom and I think he loves me. It took a while for us to realize we weren't meant for the long term. We want different things. He wants a wife who will cook and clean and stay at home to raise his children. I want none of that!"

I stopped abruptly and looked at my mom. I hadn't meant to sound so scathing because I'd just described her life, and for the first time I knew it was a life thrust upon her and not the future she'd planned for herself.

"Don't settle, Stephanie. If you know what, or who, you want, go for it."

Was my mom talking about Ranger? Her next words made it clear she was.

"He's given you cars, he's saved your life more than once, and right now he's protecting you and your family from a very bad man. It seems that he has feelings for you, too."

"He doesn't exactly fit into the Burg lifestyle," I said.

"You've just said you don't want the Burg lifestyle," my mother pointed out. "I can handle the phone calls I'll get. Pursue your dreams. Or maybe," she stopped and drained the last of her glass, "Or maybe," she continued, "pursue the one you dream about."

Later, I sat in the Macan with a brown bag containing two large slices of chocolate cake in the passenger seat. My head was spinning, but not from the whiskey. I'd switched to straight tea hours ago after the bombshell my mother dropped. I wondered if she was inside the house feeling as discombobulated as I was. It was getting late, and I needed to get back to RangeMan, but I needed some alone time. I started the car and headed for my apartment. I needed some space from Ranger. I had things to think about.