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Lesuss was, in my opinion, a paradise. With lush green forests and beautiful flowers as far as the eye could see, it was something out of a movie. I took a few deep breaths, enjoying the fresh oxygen, when I noticed armed and armored Asari near the entrance to a large metal and glass building waving us toward them. I glanced at Samara who nodded as we picked up the pace, leaving the shuttle idling behind us.
The one in silver armor spoke first, "Please, the planet is lovely but there are dangers. Come inside," she insisted as she placed her hand on my shoulder to gently move me along.
Confused, once we reached the elevator inside I couldn't contain my curiosity, "Dangers such as?"
The Asari in golden armor smiled at me, "The environment is ripe with diseases that can-"
"It is dangerous," the other Asari insisted, "Leave it at that. Do not leave the buildings without armed escort." Her eyes brokered no argument so I gave her a stiff nod, which she reciprocated as we reached the bottom level.
The women lead the way down a few hallways and finally into what looked like a meeting room, a large table at the center with many chairs surrounding it. Standing at the other end, their heads together as if in a deep conversation, were three other Asari, two looking relatively young and the third of a more mature age. As they looked up I stopped but Samara continued to move toward them.
Her body stiff, as if greeting a fellow officer, she bowed her head slightly to the small group, "Hello Rila, Falere. It is good to see you both well."
The two younger Asari forcibly smiled and nodded, "Mother." They replied in unison, a robotic quality to their voices. Mother? Wow, this is awkward.
The third, older Asari broke the silence, "Justicar, I am Anila. I am the lead scientist here." Her eyes turned toward me, sizing me up, "You must be Samantha. Dr. Chakwas has told me much about you."
Lifting my chin, I took a few steps toward them and nodded, "Yes, thank you for taking the time to meet with me." I stood at parade rest and looked to Samara. "Samara, thank you for escorting me but you don't have to stay. I'm sure Shepard could use your assistance and Joker is probably eager to get back to his ship." Looking back at Anila then at our two escorts, I smiled gently, which they all returned. Good, it's not just me she makes incredibly nervous.
Samara nodded, "I agree. Anila, please keep me informed and advise if you need anything." Looking back at me, I saw a glimpse of sadness in her eyes. "I owe Samantha a debt I can never repay, and I will do all I can to assist in her recovery."
Anila nodded as Samara looked back at her, "I will, we will speak soon Justicar." The women nodded to each other again and Samara swiftly left the room. That woman is a force.
Everyone let out a sigh of relief and smiled as Anila stepped toward me, "Alright then, let's get started, shall we?"
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Hours turned into days and days turned into weeks as I was scanned, poked, prodded, stimulated, injected and even made comatose in the many attempts to stop the process, or at least stall it. Dr. Chakwas spoke with Anila daily, sometimes more, trying to help out in her small way by providing insight into human anatomy and brain function. Sometimes I thought Anila was only humoring the older woman but every once in a while Doc would pull out a gold nugget and send the testing and treatment into a whole new direction. Gotta love that woman.
I grew close to Anila, of course. She had a joking personality and a stubborn streak the size of the Grand Canyon, reminded me of someone. Her personality was a comfort, making me feel at ease with her and able to be myself without worrying about rubbing anyone the wrong way. And being honest with her was far easier, she knew what I was up against as well as the odds. She was the only one I could blurt stupid shit out to and she wouldn't get all flustered. She would just stop what she was doing, walk over to me and listen to my rant. Always made me feel better knowing I didn't have to be the queen of optimism 100% of the time.
Falere and Rila were adorable. They knew the background, that their sister had done this and was killed shortly thereafter, so they were guilt ridden and eager to make up for it in any way they could. It took some time, but eventually I convinced them no matter what outcome lay ahead I was in no way blaming them for any part of it. When it finally sunk in, Falere hugged me so tight that I had to squeak out that I couldn't breathe to get her to let me go. Rila, older and ever more subtle, just smiled at me warmly and mouthed the words 'thank you'.
So I had time on my hands and nothing to do but send messages to my friends on the Normandy and get close to those around me. So I did just that.
Garrus was his usual self, making idle chit chat so he could keep the line of communication open. I would vent once in a while, mostly about the gel they used to connect the electrodes to my head and how much of a pain in the ass it was to get out every day. He'd always tell me not to worry, no one to impress there anyway, and change the subject.
Kasumi kept me apprised of all the missions and the antics she would get up to. They'd picked up a Quarian along the way, an old friend of John's named Tali, who was very techy and admired John immensely. I felt my hackles raise but Kass must have predicted that, because she immediately followed it up with Garrus taking a shine to her. I laughed, shaking my head a little before I felt a knot form in my gut. You have no right, I thought, and kept on reading to distract myself from the guilt.
Thane's messages were… calculated. He never brought up my treatment, only asked how I was feeling. He would also give me reports on the Normandy's movements but in greater detail than Kass, probably because his omni tool had better spy software and could get through EDI's filtrations systems with ease. I would never comment on the reports, only tell him I was doing well and tell silly stories about the things that would happen around the lab.
For instance, I described the games we would play between tests, waiting for results, or when Anila would say something sexual as a joke and it would go over Rila's head. It was a distraction, of course, and I'm sure he saw right through it but was polite enough not to say anything in his responses.
John's messages were warm, inquisitive and supportive, his beautiful blue eyes giving away everything. Any normal woman would be over the moon with the attention of such an amazing and attractive man aimed solely at them. I was not a normal woman, however, and it just dug the knife of guilt deeper into my gut.
I never responded to him as timely as the others, neither were my responses as lengthy, which I'm sure he knew, but he never complained. He just talked about their adventures and would always put a blurb in there about how much he wished I were there. I never could gather the courage to repeat it back to him, though. I was lucky I had the self control to slip my mask into place and face the camera at all.
Anila and the girls would chastise me, tell me to enjoy him while I could and allow him to enjoy me while he could, but they didn't understand. I was living on borrowed time, things were ending for me far sooner than for him and he needed to move on without me.
Best to do those things sooner rather than later, I would tell them, but they would glare at me and tell me I was being negative and, as Falere put it, stupid. I was still alive and shouldn't waste any time I had left. I guess when you spend enough late nights with three other women as they try to save your life they have the right to slap you around a little. I let them have their say, all the while knowing my time was coming faster than anyone realized.
One particularly late night the four of us were in the med bay going over the scans from that morning and comparing them to the ones from the previous day. Well, the Asari were going over them. I was sitting in a chair, eating what resembled an apple and watching as they all chattered to each other in that other language scientists use. I swear they all sounded like something out of a high budget sci-fi flick! Too many big words for me.
Then the word 'terminal' came up and everyone got quiet.
I knew it was coming. It had been over a month of tests and treatments with no success, not even the smallest amount of headway. I'd even begun losing some of my memories. The image of my mother's face fading away into oblivion the day before had sent me into an emotional tailspin that Anila barely pulled me out of. I'd refused to eat, drink or even leave my quarters until she coaxed me to at least open the door. Soon thereafter she dragged me out of it and down the hall for more scans.
Since then I'd been mentally preparing myself for the conversation, both with them and with the Normandy crew, and tried to figure out how I wanted to handle things. I'd have to contact my handler, advise him of the situation and figure out how to get Kayla into Alliance custody before she fully took over. No way in hell was I going to let that psycho bitch run free after what she'd done.
I'd planned to give whatever financial assets I had to John, help him to fight the good fight. I'd started recording a few messages, one to Kass and one to Garrus, telling them what they meant to me. I wanted to start one for Thane as well but couldn't figure out where to begin. WIth John… I thought it best to just leave it be. Maybe if he was angry with me it would be easier for him to let go.
Unable to stand the silence in the room any longer, I stood up and tossed the fruit into the wastebasket, "Alright, let's just get this all out in the open." The three women turned to stare at me, amazement on the two younger faces and concern on the older one. I took a breath, slowly releasing the air from my lungs as I approached them. "I know, and it's ok." Falere opened her mouth to protest but I threw up a hand, stopping her in her tracks. "I know.
"I knew from the beginning this was a long shot. I also knew that if anyone would be able to help me it would be you." I swallowed visibly, hoping to regain some control over my rising anxiety, but knowing that control would only last so long, I tried to hurry. "I know you did the best anyone could have done, or even could have asked for. But I want you all to know it's ok.
"There is nothing to forgive, there is nothing else to be done but to make sure that things progress as I would like after I'm gone." I faced Anila, "I'll need to contact the Alliance, tonight. I'd like to arrange transport to one of their bases for debriefing and eventually incarceration of Kayla once she takes over." I looked at Anila, the tears welling in her eyes taking me by surprise. As my eyes widened, she wiped hers and nodded.
"Right this way."
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Silence. I laid it all out, every detail I could think of in that moment spilled from my lips as my handler watched, mouth agape. His expression was unreadable, mostly because of the low-quality of the communication video but he always kept his guard up when we spoke. Understandable, you never knew when an agent would 'expire' but his was almost forced.
He looked down for a moment, then back up at the screen, "Hold a moment."
The screen went black, apparently I was on hold because the light showing there was a connection was still lit. I bit my bottom lip, going through things to ensure I didn't forget anything. Plan to take out the Reapers, recruitment, locations of what bases I knew about, not sure what else they will need…
Then the screen lit up again and my handler's face appeared, sans his hat and uniform jacket.
He took a breath and ran a hand through his hair, all the while staring downward, "Samantha, there is something you should know." He took me off guard with that, he'd never used my first name before, but my mask slipped back into place quickly as I waited for the news. A long breath later he looked at the screen again. "My name is Steven Hackett."
I raised an eyebrow, Steven Hackett?
As if reading my mind, he smirked, "Yes, we are related. You are my uncountable-number-of-greats aunt. Your brother was my direct descendant."
A smirk took over my face, "Hence sharing his name." I tilted my head slightly to get a different angle of his face. "You resemble him quite a bit actually, the eyes and nose. Yes, I see it." My expression softened to a smile as I remembered our first conversation. "So that was your 'personal reason' for wanting me back on Earth."
His smirk smoothed out into a smile, "Yes, please keep that one to yourself." A wink was followed by a long sigh. "I can't believe this, there has to be something more that can be done, something they didn't try-"
"Steven," my voice was firm, commanding, to the point. It took him off guard long enough for me to get a few words in, "This was the one place I would receive the best chance. How many other species have studied Ardat-Yakshi for hundreds of thousands of years?" I looked down and shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut to hold back tears. "They did their best, and I am ok with that."
"Are you?" The question made my head snap back up toward the screen, surprise evident on my face and in my eyes.
Was I? Was I satisfied that they did the best they could? Was I confident that the people the other room were best suited to resolve the issue, better than anyone else in the galaxy?
Taking a deep breath, the answer came to me as easily as my smile, "Yes."
Sadness, frustration and pain flashed behind his eyes, "Then that's good enough for me." He looked down at his omni tool, punching a few 'keys' then looking back up at the screen. "I can have an Alliance transport to you in the am, it will bring you to the Enari system. I can meet you there." He looked at me expectantly, hopeful.
I smiled and nodded, "Yes please. I want to be sure that, if and when this woman takes over, she is in Alliance custody." My eyes narrowed, "I will not allow her to continue to do the things she has done. That and I'm sure she has information that can help you bust at least a few Cerberus sites, as well as apprehend countless agents. The more you have in custody the higher the likelihood of getting better intel." The thought of snagging their leader crossed my mind and a sardonic grin took over my face. "You may even get TIM."
Apparently my grin was contagious because a similar one came across Steven's, "You sure know how to make a guy smile."
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The arrangements made for my extraction, I knew the transport would be there early so I packed my bag and said my good-bye's. The girls didn't take it well, Anila begging me with sorrowful eyes to stick it out a few more days so she could run more tests. Eventually I talked her down, assuring her I'd made peace and that she should not feel any responsibility. I also reminded her she had all sorts of data on me, data she could use to further her research. That seemed to lift her spirits slightly and she made her way back into her lab.
Rila and Falere wanted to make my last night a 'Girls' Night' but I declined, told them I was unusually tired and wanted to be sure I didn't oversleep and miss the transport. The truth was I wanted to sneak out, like a thief in the night, and not face anyone. I'd established strong relationships with these women and I didn't trust myself to hold it together while walking away from them. Yep, I'm a fucking coward, but I'm ok with that.
Bag packed and lying on a chair next to the door, I stood across the room, staring out the floor to ceiling windows at the foliage and the night sky.
A memory popped into my head of the shuttle ride after the base blew up, when I looked out the window and realized for the first time I was in space. All those stars, twinkling in the sky… thinking back it was a magnificent sight. Moving my eyes across the skyline, I took a cleansing breath and smiled. There are worse places to fade away.
A beep from the door snapped me out of my reverie, "Girls, I hope you're not going to try to drag me away and paint my nails or something." I smiled as I turned to face my visitor, but just as quickly as I turned, my jaw hit the floor.
It was John.