Hi All!

I'm back, hoping everyone is doing well and that you all enjoy this next chapter.

Please note there will be a POV change marked by ******************** in the middle of the page, separating the paragraphs.

Please feel free to review!

If we had been outside, there would have been crickets in the background.

A lump instantly formed in my throat, making it hard to breathe and impossible to speak. Combine that with the shock that had taken over my entire body and I was one step short of a drooling mess. After a few tries, I was able to push the lump down and clear my airway enough to take a few slow breaths and focus.

Still standing in the doorway, clad in black sneakers and dark gray sweats with the N7 logo on them, John awkwardly motioned into the room, "I don't suppose you're going to invite me in?" His expression was less than confident, his stance hesitant, a side of him I had only seen a hint of once before, but not to that extent. The shock snapped me back to reality.

And then panic set in as my mind raced, he shouldn't be here, how did he find out? Does he even know? This isn't what I wanted, I don't want him to see me like this. I can't deal with this. He needs to leave, the Alliance will be here in a few hours. He shouldn't BE HERE…

Clamping my mouth shut before I could give my anxiety a voice, I squared my jaw and gave him a stern look, "You shouldn't be here." I turned back to the window, crossing my arms loosely. "The Alliance will be here soon and you're considered a fugitive." I waited, listening, but heard no movement. I huffed out an annoyed sigh and turned my head to look over my shoulder, not directly at him but in his direction. "Did you not hear me or is your self-preservation non-existent?"

Eventually I got my wish and the door closing was the response I received. Breathing a sigh of relief, I dropped my arms and faced the doorway to reassure myself that he was actually gone.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I realized he was not.

In fact, he was only a few feet away from me, his arms crossed and a stern look on his face. My jaw almost dropped once again as I cursed his ability to be so damned stealthy for his size, but I was able to slip my mask into place.

Shifting his stance, he shook his head at me, "Why?" His voice was demanding but low, then silence. His eyes glared into mine as he waited, warning me that bullshit would not be accepted.

That damned lump came back, forcing me to swallow hard before responding, "Why what?"

His arms dropped abruptly as he made one long stride toward me, a heated look taking over his face, "Let's start with why you didn't tell me you were turning yourself in." His chest almost heaving, he looked as if he would grab me and shake the truth out of me if need be. I wasn't afraid, but I was definitely intimidated, my mask fading ever so slightly.

Taking a breath to get it back into place, I thought a little honesty might drive him away, "Why? I can't believe you even have to ask." I balled my hands into fists and took a step toward him, slowly pouring my built up frustration at the lack of control over my own mind into each word. "What would you do, John? What would you do if you knew you were going to essentially die and I was waiting for you back on that ship?

"Would you video call me? Try to reassure me? Give me false hope then let me watch as you faded away?" Losing my grasp on self-control, my voice eased into a whine, "Until those incredible blue eyes no longer recognize me?"

Pulling back, I realized that was a little too much and shut my mouth, taking a few breaths to calm down. As I pushed the anger back down, I watched his expression waiver. His anger slowly gave way to understanding, then rushed into compassionate frustration.

His eyes softened along with his voice, "You know I understand, you know I can relate, why wouldn't you give me the opportunity to make up my own mind?" The words once again were unsaid, but they still hung between us, and the memory of the conversation/argument in my room so long ago flooded back...

And then so did every ounce of guilt I had been feeling for weeks, hitting me all at once like a god-damned sledge-hammer directly to the chest.

My head was pounding as his sincerity and compassion took hold of that knife in my stomach, shoving it deeper into my gut then twisting it for good measure. With every word he spoke it became harder to breathe; I was in real, physical pain and I had to make it stop. I had to make him walk away, move on, never look back, no regrets...

I had to make it hurt.

Hardening my eyes as well as my heart, I spoke softly as I stabbed him in his, "Would you have chosen to let Liara watch as you were ejected out into space? Struggling to get your breather reattached, then watching as your body went limp? Your form lifeless as you floated away?" Another step closer and I was in his face, my words coming from the rage at the bottom of my gut. "That is why I decided not to tell you. Do you understand? Can you relate?" I poked him in the chest, watching as the intense emotions ghosted past his eyes.

He shook his head slowly, deliberately, "You have no idea…"

I sneered at him, "Bull shit." I raised my arms up, as if to be crucified, "No idea, huh? I know rage, I know pain, I've felt them a million times in my life, so go ahead." I motioned to my chest with both hands, "Hit me."

He didn't move, just stood there and glared at me with a look I couldn't identify, but it was definitely intense. Dropping my arms, I shook my head, unsure as to what to do next. But then frustration took over, my inability to make him leave pissing me off to the point of my teeth grinding together and I snapped, shoving him hard in the chest.

He didn't move an inch, but that didn't stop me from running my mouth, "Come on! I'm right here," I pointed at my cheek and smirked, daring him to hit me. "Go ahead, you wouldn't be the first."

Realization seemed to come over him but he tried to school his features, without success.

I just laughed, "Just fucking hit me for fuck's sake." Still no movement, just the unidentifiable glare which intensified my rage.

Shoving him in the chest again, all of my pain went into my next words, "Ya know what? Do it or fucking leave, whatever you need to do, just get on with it!

"Just do it and get on with your fucking life!"

His hands clamped down on my arms as he pulled my body flush to his with a growl, "I will never hit you." He was a breath away as his nose pushed mine aside, still looking into my eyes.

Then he whispered, "And I'm not going anywhere."

His mouth was on mine faster than I could react, delving deep, devouring as he released my arms and took hold of the back of my head, positioning it so he could gain further access. Instinct took over as my body responded, my hands grabbing and clutching, my tongue and lips working in unison with his, setting every last ounce of blood in my veins on fire until I thought I would explode.

When he pulled away, I desperately tried to catch my breath and get my bearings, dizzy from the contact, the proximity of him, and the intensity of the last few minutes. Deciding that passing out would be counter-productive, I concentrated on my breathing until it returned to normal and realized at some point he'd released me and stepped back.

Unable to look him in the eye, I stared at the floor, trying to process what had just transpired. I was egging on a two hundred pound man with an anger issue, trying to get him to either walk away forever or hit me. Instead of either of those two things, he kissed me. I cannot even begin to ask what the fuck...

I looked back up at him, confused and flustered as all hell and still a little light headed from the heat of the completely unexpected kiss. His expression was cautious, watching, waiting for me to make the next move but still standing firm. He knows I want him to leave, but he's not leaving...

Now what the fuck do I do?

Then Anila's words popped into my head, Enjoy him while you can, and let him enjoy you!

Enjoy him… my mind immediately went to the deepest gutter it could find and, for the first time since the whole Ardat-Yakshi mess had started, I really wanted to be selfish.

I wanted to kiss him breathless. I wanted to peel every last inch of clothing off his body. I wanted to do things that I haven't done in literally hundreds of years and I didn't want to think about tomorrow. Tomorrow will come and I will be gone. Why waste tonight? Why the hell am I holding back?

I looked into the blue eyes that watched my every move and made a decision. I'm done holding back.

I took a cleansing breath and a step toward him, "John…" I hesitated, feeling the heat from my gut flush my cheeks, and released a relenting sigh. "I'm an asshole and I do everything wrong, but you already know that."

Relief came over his face, then a smirk, "Sam, I know you want to spare me and I get that. I do." He took a step toward me. "But now I'm going to tell you what I want, so that we both know where the other stands." He closed the gap between us and cupped my right cheek in his hand, warmth radiating from his eyes. "Bottom line, all I want is you. To spend whatever time you have left with you.

"I know the Alliance will be here tomorrow and I accept your reasons for going with them but until that time, I want to be with you." He took a breath, as if relieved to have finally said it out loud, and smiled down at me. "Your turn."

I was speechless. What does one say to that?

I took hold of the back of his neck and pulled him toward me, taking his lips with mine and wrapping my free arm around his torso, pulling him to me until our bodies were so close they could have been one…

And I did every selfish thing I wanted to do, and then some.

Space is cold.

It's the first thing you learn when you're deployed, to make sure you take extra steps to keep warm when you're on a ship, and that's where I've spent a very large portion of my life over the last 15 or so years. They tell you to wear socks to bed, keep a few sweatshirts at the ready, things like that because space is really cold…

But in that moment, I was warmer than I'd been in a long time.

Breathing in through my nose, the smell of coconut and almonds filled my senses, and suddenly the memory of what had been going on for the last few hours came rushing back. A satisfied rumble rolled around in my chest as I hugged the sleeping body in my arms tighter to me.

The response I got was a sleepy sigh, making me smile into her hair. Of course, nature had to remind me right at that moment that I was human, much to my dismay.

Realizing our limbs were completely entangled, I sighed deeply, "I'm sorry, but I have to get up." She gripped my hand that was resting near her heart and let out a displeased growl, making me laugh as I planted a kiss on her bare shoulder. "I'll be right back, I promise." Another sigh and my hand was free, as well as both my legs.

I threw a leg over the edge of the bed, sitting up to look for my pants. Finding them on the other side of the sleeping beauty beside me, I reached across Sam's chest as she rolled onto her back.

Staring up at me with those bright blue, albeit sleepy eyes, she smiled, "You'd better, Commander." A drowsy, yet wicked grin came over her face as she ran a fingertip down my neck and chest, grazing the sensitive skin below my navel before pulling away. "I'll be waiting," she whispered.

Already showing symptoms from having to visit the loo, her voice made it even more urgent so I hurriedly pulled on my sweatpants and made my way across the room. A few minutes later I opened the door, looking back at the bed I planned to re-inhabit…

And my heart jumped into my throat.

Sam was shaking violently as she lie on the bed, her head flung backward and hands white knuckling the sheets. I rushed to her side, taking her face in my hands to see her eyes rolling back into her head, her mouth wide open and gurgling as she shook.

"Someone get in here!" I yelled in panic.

Remembering what little medical training I could on dealing with grand mal seizures, I moved her body to lie on its side and looked around the room for something to put between her teeth to keep her from biting her tongue. I was coming up empty as Anila rushed into the room.

Quickly assessing the situation, she grabbed my arm, "We need to get her into the lab and in the scanner now."

Scooping her up, I followed the Asari down the hall and into the oblong room, laying Samantha gently onto the large steel table as Anila strapped her wrists and ankles down tight. She then tapped information into the machine as the enclosure lowered over Sam.

Anila motioned for me to back away so I followed her to the far side of the room. There were a few scattered chairs, but I did not sit. Instead, I stared at the part of Sam's head that I could see through the glass, waiting, but for what, I didn't know.

Moments passed as the machine buzzed and hummed. My lover's body had finally calmed, but she was still unconscious as tiny lights flickered all over her head and neck. At some point two other Asari had entered the room, but I hadn't noticed until I heard Anila say my name.

As I turned to face them, my mind in a fog, I squinted to focus on her face, "I'm sorry, what?"

Her eyes were remorseful. "I'm glad you were with her. We wouldn't have known it happened if you hadn't yelled for help." She put a hand on my upper arm and tried to give me a warm smile. "This will be a while. You should go get a shirt and something on your feet."

She turned to a much younger looking Asari and nodded, "Falere, go grab some snacks and drinks from the kitchens please." Her eyes drifted into a distance that was not there as she sighed…

"It's going to be a long night."