Hello everyone!

I'm back, and ready to see this through. Don't worry, not too many POV shifts going forward and I've finally figured out how to do them. :)

Also apologizing for the stolen dialogue, not much choice with this loyalty mission though.

Please feel free to review and don't hold back! I love to respond, and if you give me your favorite loyalty mission I may include it in a future chapter. ;)

And as always, thank you Seabo76 for your endless and patient support!

Sam

"John, stop…" I whimpered, standing in the doorway of our home. The concrete steps were wet from the rain, turning a darker gray than normal. His suit was just as dark, almost blending in with the surroundings, except for his feet. I wasn't sure why I noticed, but the gray of the sidewalk clashed oddly with the black of his dress shoes.

He stopped, but didn't turn to face me, "Sammy, I have to go."

My feet were rooted to the spot, my heart in my throat, "No, you don't. Just stay here, with me."

His broad shoulders sagged slightly, "It's done, Sammy. Can't change the past."

Practically choking on my heart, I was sobbing, "No, John, just don't go and everything will be fine! We can stay here! Forever!"

Anger bubbled up as I roared at him, "You promised!"

"Sam?" Another male voice in my ear, "Sam, are you alright?"

Slowly I was pulled from the scene, smells and sounds, all of them fading into the background. Forcing my eyes open, I noticed the room was still dark; only the stars sparkling in the distance through the windows above his bed caught my eye. I felt the warmth of Shepard's body against mine as he held me close. Guilt flooded my gut instantly.

My heart still lodged in my throat, I swallowed it down and took a breath, "Yeah, yeah I'm ok." Running a hand through my hair I realized I was drenched in sweat. No wonder he's worried.

He brushed a few damp strands away from my eyes, "Another nightmare?"

I nodded and slowly disentangled myself from him, moving to throw my legs over the side of the bed, "Fuck, how much longer do I have to go through this shit?" Sitting upright, I dropped my head into my hands and growled. "It's like my mind wants to torture me."

His hand slid up my back, resting on my shoulder as his nose brushed the opposite ear, "I know, you just need to keep reminding yourself you are here now." He nibbled gently on the lobe, then his lips made their way down my neck. "I can help you with that."

The guilt twisted up into my chest, "I can't." Standing up, I quickly made my way over to the bathroom.

The door sliding shut behind me, I fell back against it and rubbed my face roughly with my palms, fighting back the tears of frustration. I swallowed my heart back down, taking a few deep breaths before I moved to stand in front of the mirror.

Holy hot mess.

My hair was matted to my head, still damp with sweat. My skin was pale and clammy. The whites of my eyes had turned a shade of red I hadn't seen before and my lips quivered slightly.

Clamping my lips between my teeth, I closed my eyes and took a few cleansing breaths to try to regain some semblance of composure. I realized I needed something stronger to snap me out of whatever this was when I couldn't get my breathing, nor my heart rate, under control.

I turned away from the mirror and toward the shower head, turning it on full blast and as hot as I could tolerate. Peeling off my tank top and underwear, I dunked my head underneath the steaming water. The shocking yet soothing nature of the heat helped immensely, slowly washing away the fog that lingered from the dream.

The dream. Why am I dreaming about my husband and why do they seem so real?

When I volunteered for the experiment, yes, I was trying to run away from my feelings and end it, end the pain and suffering I'd endured for months at that point. But then I came here and I slowly began to let the pain go, move on with my life, and I actually wanted to live again.

And then there was Shepard.

The cobwebs gone, I finished rinsing my hair and turned off the water, grabbing a towel to dry off. I wrapped it around my chest, tucking it tight, and made my way back into the bedroom.

As I walked down the steps, I saw John sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, staring at the floor. Shit, what the hell am I supposed to tell him? I stopped at the last step and steeled myself. I'm supposed to tell him the truth.

With a small nod, I carefully walked over to stand next to him, placing a hand on the base of his skull and gently massaging the always-tense muscles there. A groan escaped his lips as he pushed back into my hand, his eyes coming up to meet mine.

His smile was a winner, "You always know where to touch me." He grasped the hand, kissing it on the palm before simply staring at it. "It still amazes me how soothing your touch is."

Not wanting to put it off, I shook my head at the remark, "I need to talk to you about these dreams." His eyes returned to mine, a sadness behind them that tore at my heart. Shit, he knows.

He visibly swallowed as he released my hand, "Ok," His tone was gentle and relenting, "but if you would feel more comfortable with Anila or Dr. Chakwas…"

I shook my head, "No, I need to talk to you." I sighed and sat next to him on the bed, taking one of his hands in mine and drawing in a cleansing breath. "This isn't something I can brush off anymore.

"At first the dreams were cloudy, unfocused and just spurts of memories that were random. But more recently, they've been about one person, and always the same situation."

John squeezed my hand, "Your husband." My eyes shot to his, to which he nodded. "I figured he was the only thing you wouldn't be comfortable talking to me about." Removing it from my grasp, he placed his hand on the back of my neck, gently squeezing. "With everything you went through, I wanted to give you space, but I knew you were struggling."

I sighed, looking down at my now empty hand, "I'm sorry, I should have told you sooner-"

"Don't do that," he insisted, pulling me into his arms as he nuzzled into my hair, "your feelings are yours, to share or not share as you feel comfortable. You don't owe me anything."

Enjoying the feel of his breath on the back of my neck, I smiled, "Still, it's been weeks since we left Lessus and, knowing how observant you've been, I can understand you not trusting me in the field-"

He sat me upright and faced me, "Hold it. Before we go any further, you need to know it's not a matter of trusting you."

I raised a hand to him, "I know what you mean, but it is." Huffing out a sigh, my eyes dropped to the floor. "Shit, at first I didn't trust myself either, worrying this shit was going to filter into the day time, but it hasn't, and it's becoming less and less often, so I think getting out into the field and out of my fucked up head would really help." I took a breath, amazed at what just came out of my mouth. "Wow, I really said that, huh?"

John smiled and nodded, "Yep. Didn't even know that was coming, did ya?" Still unsure of where it all had come from, I shook my head, to which he laughed. "Happens to me a lot, especially with you." Cradling my head in his hand, he pulled me closer. "I'm glad you're just as comfortable with me as I am with you."

I smiled, brushing his nose with mine, "Please, I've been blurting shit out to you since the beginning. It's about time you caught up."

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John

"Ummm… Shepard?" Garrus' voice cut through the darkness as he, Mordin and I made our way down into the repurposed Krogan hospital where Mordin's assistant was being held, performing experiments on Krogans to try to reverse the effects of the genophage.

I could tell by his tone I wasn't going to like what was coming next, "Garrus?".

He pushed another Blood Pack corpse aside with his foot as we made our way down the hall, "I'm not sure how to ask this without sounding accusatory so I'm just going to say it. Why aren't you bringing Sam on missions?"

I swallowed hard, looking around to be sure there weren't more Weyrloc Clansmen laying in wait, "At first she wasn't ready." I let the sentence linger as I pushed forward.

Garrus hummed knowingly, "And now?"

It was a good question, she expressed an interest in coming along on this excursion but I expressed concern the exposure to a lot of Krogan may set her back. That and she'd had another nightmare the night before, one she didn't want to talk about, so I thought she still needed time.

But this was Garrus, I had to word things carefully, "She had a rough night."

He hummed again, "And she said she didn't want to come along?"

I gritted my teeth, "What are you getting at Garrus?"

I felt a talon grab my arm, stopping me, "You know what I'm getting at." His voice was careful, quiet. He knows something is up.

Mording moved to stand between us, facing Garrus, "Commander Shepard is protective of Samantha. They are cohabitating, likely having sexual intercourse."

I cringed as Garrus laughed, putting a talon on Mordin' shoulder, "Thanks Mordin, I needed clarification on Shepard's sex life."

Mordin nodded, "It's a good stress reliever, releases endorphins and-"

My level of discomfort at an all time high, I put a hand up between the two, "Ok, that's enough, moving on." I gestured to the hallway in front of us. "Can we get moving?"

Garrus put a talon up in protest, "Hold it, you're not getting away that easily." Dropping it he looked me square in the eyes. "Why are you leaving Sam behind? There has to be a reason."

Gritting my teeth harder, I considered what to say next, "I…"

I realized in that moment I wasn't entirely sure.

Unable to lie to my best friend, I shrugged and shook my head, "I don't know," then I glanced at the hallway again, "But I do know we need to get to Maelon now." I stepped to the side and motioned for them to pass, "Come on."

After passing all the Blood Pack members we'd killed, we finally made it to the control room, where Maelon stood in front of a large console, his back to the doorway.

Mordin Hummed in confusion, "Maelon. Alive. Unharmed." They were questions as much as assessments. "No signs of restraint. No evidence of torture. Don't understand."

Maelon shook his head, "For such a smart man, Professor, you always had trouble seeing evidence that disagreed with your preconceptions." He turned to us and sneered. "How long will it take you to admit that I am here because I wish to be here?"

Realization hit me and my jaw dropped, "He wasn't kidnapped, he came voluntarily to cure the genophage." He did all this of his own free will. Torture, live testing, all of it. I gritted my teeth again and shook my head as the two Salarian's went back and forth, both insisting they were in the right.

A few minutes later, I couldn't take it anymore and glared at Maelon, "You honestly think the experiments you did here were justified?"

He threw his hands up, "We committed cultural genocide! Nothing I do will ever be justified!" He shook his head while keeping eye contact, "The experiments are monstrous… because I was taught to be a monster."

Not ready to believe Mordin was capable of this level of disconnect after what I'd witnessed on the way in there, his sadness at the loss of life alone, I turned to him, "Mordin, did you ever perform experiments like this?"

His lips a thin line, he shook his head once in staunch denial, "No," he turned to his one-time student, venom in his voice, "never taught you this, Maelon!"

The young Salarian tried to defend himself, saying things like 'the ends justify the means' and other platitudes, but I couldn't wrap my head around it.

I stared him down, Sam's voice in the back of my head, "You talk about killing and blood, but the only blood I see is on your hands." I turned to face Mordin, "He clearly doesn't need rescuing, what do you want to do?"

Maelon leered at me, "Krogan fight over fertile females. They become mercenaries or pirates because they see no alternative! They would be thriving in a cultural renaissance now had we not decided that this is what they deserved."

Mordin shook a fist in the air, "In-accurate! Krogan population resulted in war! Simulations were clear!" His insistence was accented by the motion of his closed hand.

I'd had it, "Enough!" I waited a moment to be sure my point was made. Assured both men were silenced, I turned to Mordin again. "It's your call."

Mordin shook his head, "Have to end this."

Maelon looked terrified as he pulled a pistol on us, pointing it at me, then at Mordin, then Garrus, "You can't face the truth, can you? Can't admit that your brilliant mind led you to commit an atrocity?"

Mordin took him by surprise, punching the gun from his hand and backing him into the console, pulling a pistol of his own, "Unacceptable experiments. Unacceptable goals. Won't change. No choice. Have to kill you." The last few words sounded strained, as if he struggled with the decision but made it regardless.

I stepped forward, "Wait. You don't need to do this Mordin. You're not a murderer."

His hand shook with the revelation, "No. Not a murderer. Thank you Shepard." Relief flooded the last sentence. He approached the console where Maelon's work was stored. "Finished Maelon. Get out. No Weyrloc left. Project over." Unable or unwilling to look at his former student, he stared down at the console keys in front of him.

Once again, Sam entered my thoughts, "Can you make sure the data is blocked so he can't move forward with his experiments after this?"

Mordin nodded, "Yes, contacting them now." He punched in a series of keys, then looked thoughtful. "Could start from scratch. Would take decades of work." He leered at Maelon, "Didn't teach you everything I knew."

Not willing to let this drag out, I looked at Maelon and motioned to the door, "You heard him, before he changes his mind."

The much younger looking man, now, looked to Mordin, "Where am I supposed to go Professor?"

Unfazed, Mordin shook his head, "Don't care. Try Omega. Can always use another clinic."

Desperate to make sure his point was not forgotten, Maelon tried one last time to plead his case, "The Krogan didn't deserve what we did to them, Professor. The genophage needs to end."

As Maelon walked away, Mordin stared down at the keys on the console, sighing deeply, "Not like this."

A few moments passed and Mordin nodded, "Apologies Commander. Misunderstood mission parameters. No kidnapping. My mistake." He turned to look at me, gratitude in his eyes, "Thank you."

A pang of deep sympathy hit me square in the chest, "Don't worry about me, how are you doing?"

Mordin turned back to the console, "Should have killed him. Wanted to. Easier than listening." He sniffed, "Easier for him too. Experiments indicate how far he's fallen. Expected it from Krogan. Not one of mine." There was a deep sadness in those words, a disappointment akin to a father talking about a son that made a tragic mistake.

Not wanting to twist the knife but feeling it needed to be said, I sighed, "Remember that when the genophage next comes up in conversation."

Mordin nodded, "Yes. So many variables. Stress responses. Impossible to truly predict. Something to think about." He turned to face me fully. "Maelon's research. Only loose end. Could destroy it. Closure, security. Still valuable though."

Again, Sam popped into my head, "Hold on to it, too many people died for that data to just throw it away. Besides, if you decide to move forward with a cure, it won't be from the beginning."

Still facing the console, I swore I saw a small smile on his lips, "Agreed, capturing data. Wiping local copy. Done." He turned to face me with a nod, "Ready to be off Tuchanka. Anywhere else...

"Maybe somewhere sunny?"