Hello darlings! I'm back! I haven't had the energy to update any of my fics. I haven't been feeling well this week, so all I did was lay on my couch and rest and enjoy my week-long vacation.

I'm not abandoning my other story of vampires, I'm still working on the next Bella/vampire. I have a plot in my head but I can't decide which vampire should I use for that plot :)

And I'm working on my first Harry Potter one-shot (or series of one-shots) :)

Thank you for your reviews and alerts. I very much appreciate them :) Keep them coming.

For my return, I bring you a very long story :) So, at least, I'm making it up to you.

I hope you like this story as much as the rest of them :) I think it's the first time I write about Embry/Bella.

Couple: Embry/Bella

Rating: M for language.

Summary: Bella has been coming to the reservation to almost every bonfire. This bonfire was supposed to be like the rest of them. It was supposed to calm Bella of her feeling of withdrawal every time she was not at La Push. But when Embry imprints on her, her blindfold falls and she sees everything she had been denying. Emily becomes her ally.

PACK SOULS.

Withdrawal. Part 1.

Life has a way of throwing you off course at the least expected moment. Granted, I was expecting something like this to happen sooner or later…ok, not this exactly…but something big. Something that would ultimately force me to choose, to stand up for myself and find that voice that I seemed to have lost the moment I said 'I love you' to Edward.

Every time I spent time at the Rez, it was like an energy boost for me. It gave me the freedom to breathe, to recharge on the pure energy that seemed to be everywhere. I loved it here, and I considered it my second home. I loved Jake, but I didn't love him romantically, and that really sucked because he was great. He helped me when I didn't want to help myself. He helped me when I was using him to hear the hallucinations. He loved me when no one did (well, no one except my parents). He was there to lift me up or to fall with me. And I couldn't, for the love of everything that was sacred, give back that kind of romantic love. I really wanted to. It was no longer about me loving Edward to infinity and beyond. It was something else.

I felt something pulling me to the Rez. The pull only got stronger with each day. I felt like a junkie on withdrawal when I wasn't there.

And one night, one simple night, I understood exactly why I have been feeling a pull to the Rez, why I couldn't stand Edward, why I couldn't love Jake the way he wanted me to.

I saw Embry and Quil sitting on the other side of the bonfire, opposite Jake and me. They were great guys too, and I often laughed a lot when in the presence of the goofiness flirting of Quil and the quiet, funny nature of Embry. I liked them both very much. They were by far my favorite wolves. Them and Seth too.

Tonight was not a special night, but Billy was telling the stories he often told around a bonfire every so often. I have been coming to every bonfire since I found out wolves were real as well. But I could feel a buzz in the air, like electricity flowing around in the air that had nothing to do with Billy's storytelling abilities or Jake's constant attempts to cozy up more than he knew was allowed. I was currently moving away from under his pressing arm and the intention behind the embrace. He grimaced but composed his expression quickly when he noticed my stare. I knew I should be more upfront with him, but at the same time, he knew what the drill was.

From across, I noticed Embry's frown. He was looking at Jacob and me. Quil was trying to get his attention -unsuccessfully, I might add- but his eyes were connected to mine, and the electricity got only worse. It was like having a beehive in my mind all of a sudden. I couldn't hear Billy anymore. I couldn't hear the waves of the sea. I could only see the flames reflecting on the people across the circle; my eyes were trapped by Em's warm ones. Quil followed his stare, and I swear he mouthed something akin to 'shit'.

After some indefinite time, Embry sprang out of his seat with Quil tailing him fast out of the bonfire. I frowned, confused and worried. Embry has always been very sweet toward me. While Jacob relentlessly tried to change my mind, and Quil mock flirted with me, Embry was sweet, actually asking questions to which he genuinely expected an honest answer. He was honest and loyal.

Jacob was great, and I loved him like the brother I always envisioned having if I weren't a single child. But he was getting very intense with his attempts. He no longer was the direct version I've been experiencing lately. This time it was different. It smelled of desperation like he wanted to claim me or something. I didn't know where this was coming from.

I made up some poor excuse to get away from Jake's desperate attempts to get my hand or trick me into a kiss or some other lame move he'd tried pulling today. Seriously, if he continued this way, he would earn a kick to the nuts by the end of the night. Perhaps I should get the bat out of my truck and do it with it since the bastard healed quickly. A bat to the nuts would probably carry the message more efficiently than a knee or a kick.

I found Embry discussing with Quil, who was looking at him with a strange expression while Embry paced in front of him, pulling at his hair. He looked so desperate, so lost, that all I wanted was to hug away his worries.

"Em?" I asked carefully while I approached them.

His eyes shot up in surprise, while Quil made no effort to conceal his smile. "I'll leave you two alone." He kissed my cheek when he passed me, and I recognized it as a sweet gesture of reassurance. Quil was often physical like that.

"Hey, Bella." His voice was strange, restrained.

I stepped closer, and he didn't move. "Are you alright?"

He sighed so heavily that I wondered where all that air came from.

"I screwed badly. I fucked things up. I…shit." He kicked some small rocks that were lying around, showing his frustration.

I tried touching his arm, but he stepped away slowly as if trying not to hurt my feelings. I wasn't hurt, but I was still worried. "Can you tell me what's got you so upset?"

He looked at me in the eyes like he had done at the bonfire a few minutes ago. "I imprinted on the girl my best friend has feelings for." I opened my mouth in a surprised 'Oh.' Jacob had once explained what imprinting was, and then I had freaked out thinking he had imprinted on me because my stupid, delirious brain thought that I wanted to be with Edward.

Honestly, I expected a freak-out show right now; but instead, I felt as if finally, the piece of the puzzle I was looking for appeared. As if everything fell into place. Like this was meant to happen. I felt at peace. I felt good. I liked Embry; he was gorgeous like all of the wolves were, but I also noticed since the first time I met him that he also has an inside beauty that just shines from within. You just can't help to feel attracted to it.

He eyed me speculatively. "Why are you not freaking out?" At least, he was now calmer than before. He had stopped pulling at his hair, but he still was nervously pacing.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I feel at peace, like this was meant to happen." Like life was finally pushing me in the right direction, slapping me in the face and saying, 'It was never about either of those two guys. It's always about you. And since you won't react, we'll react for you.' "I've felt a deep necessity to come here for the past few weeks. Every time I left, I felt like I was on withdrawal. This is my home away from home. I've never felt like I belonged anywhere. Too human to be with the vampires, too weird to be with the humans. But here, I was just me."

This time it was he who stepped closer to me. "We like who you are. And it's not as if we all know who we are. We're still figuring that out. No one knows who they are. If they say so, they're lying." I smiled because I often thought about the second part of his statement. Who the hell knew who they were at seventeen/eighteen?

"Thank you." Because that's all I could say. Thank you for always being my friend, for always wanting to know what I was thinking because you cared. Thank you for imprinting on me and getting me to finally see what I've been missing: that I like you a hell of a lot more than I thought I did.

He smiled sweetly and pulled me towards his body for a hug. It's the first time I've hugged him, and I could say this was my favorite place to be. Warm, secure, like nothing could get me there. This was home.

I didn't hear Jacob's approach until he was basically on top of us. His arms were crossed on his chest, and his scowl was so deep that I fought the childish need to tell him he would be forever like that if he got caught by a changing wind.

"What's going on in here?" I didn't like the way Embry released me. But I sort of understood when he stepped slightly in front of me.

"We're just talking." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

Logically, I understood that Jake needed an explanation. Still, he was not in the position to demand one because I was only his friend, and I've made sure of saying that plenty of times and never letting the line become blurry. I didn't choose who to like, who to love. It just happened. Just like Quil couldn't help imprinting on Claire or Sam on Emily. Or hell, even Em on me.

"Last time I checked, talking didn't require hugging." Jacob was challenging Embry, and I didn't like how Embry was taking it with his mouth shut. Why was he allowing Jake's anger to quiet him? Was this one of those cases where it was better to shut up?

Either way, they were both shaking now, and despite my confession, I was starting to freak out a little. I grabbed Em's arm, trying to do something, but I wasn't sure what. He turned around, and his eyes softened. He palmed my hand, squeezing it lightly. I understood the gesture as one that tried to convey a silent reassurance (like Quil's peck on the cheek), but it didn't bring me any comfort at all.

"Please." I don't know what I was asking of him.

"You didn't!" Jacob's shout startled me and made Embry growl.

"You know I couldn't help it. I didn't choose it." I was now several steps behind Embry. My mind could only recall Emily's scars. That was sufficient warning for me. Especially when Jacob began to run toward Embry, who swiftly avoided a hell of a tackle. Jacob got up from the sand, his mood even fouler than before. Embry was shaking more violently as well, and I understood what happened when they both broke into a run towards the woods, Embry first with Jacob fast behind him.

I ran to the bonfire, falling on the sand a few times as my tears and my heart didn't let me concentrate on the task at hand. I reached Sam and Emily and somehow managed to tell them what had happened between hiccups and sobs.

Sam kissed us both on the cheeks and left running, calling Jared and Paul to go with him.

"Let's get you home, sweety."

No, not home. Not where he was waiting for me. I didn't want to go home. I wanted to stay here, to wait for Em. I needed answers, and I needed him.

"It's ok, Bella. I meant my home. Let's get you warmed up." I hadn't noticed I was shivering until she pointed it out.

We drove to her house, and once there, she allowed me to use her shower to warm myself and was kind enough to lend me some warm pajamas and make me tea. She settled beside me on her living room couch. I was warm enough that my emotions were in check again. I still needed my answers, and I still needed Em.

"Is it ok if we talk about what happened?" One of the things I've learned about her was that she never forced anyone to speak if they weren't ready or just didn't want to do it. But I needed to talk to someone, so I did.

I told Emily everything I've been bottling up inside of me. How guilty I felt because I couldn't stand either Edward or Alice. How Jacob's attempts to get a reaction from me were so borderline desperate that they would have guaranteed a bat to the nuts (to which she winced with a slightly amused smile on her face). I told her every little detail I've noticed about Embry. How loyal he was to his friends and his pack, how his questions were because he cared about the answers and not because it was something he had to do. How sweet his smile was, how easy it was for him to talk with everyone.

"You're in love with him." She noticed with a surprised gasp.

I thought about it and nodded. "I think I am." It had to be the only reason why I followed him tonight. I was worried about him because I was in love with him. I couldn't stand Edward because his love declarations were empty because I longed those words from someone else. I couldn't stand Alice's constant hovering because I knew it was to prevent me from coming here. To my true home.

"Do you think they're alright?" I asked after some time in silence.

She grabbed my hands. "Sam's probably giving them an earful. And the fact that he asked Paul and Jared to go with him gives him the chance to have back up to break up any serious fighting and still be in a neutral position. I'm not going to lie and say that they won't fight, that they won't say hurtful things. But they will get over it at some point."

I sighed and nodded.

…

…

…

Since it seemed like Sam wasn't going to be coming back soon, I asked Emily to drive me home. I needed my own space just as much as I needed Embry.

When we were close to the treaty line, I cussed at the sight of Edward there. I rolled my eyes. How could I have forgotten his overreactive nature? Of course he would be waiting at the treaty line because, unlike me, he didn't have a life.

"It's ok Em. You can leave me here. I'll come by tomorrow." She nodded, and I tapped my forehead, reminding her silently that Edward could read her mind.

"I know what I'm doing." With those words came the weirdest smile I've seen. I shrugged and stepped out of the car.

"Hello, love."

"Bella." I corrected.

"What?"

"It's Bella, not love." I got in the passenger seat and watched him shake his head and walk to the driver's place.

"Should I take you to my house?"

"No. I want to go home." For him, my home was Charlie's house; for me, home was the physical space I was leaving behind.

"Did something happen?" He used that tone that let me know he already knew but wanted me to say it aloud. Like a parent giving a child the opportunity to bust themselves and confess a mischief that would land them in trouble.

"If you already know, you don't need to ask. I'm sure Emily's mind was loud enough."

For the first time, I appreciated Edward's maniac way of driving. Thanks to his love for speed, he got me home in no time. I didn't leave the car, wanting to get this over with and rip the band-aid off. Better now than never.

"Why are you being like this?"

"Like what?" I challenged. "Open? Defensive? Not willing to give in under the pressure of your interrogation methods? Loud? Expressive? Tell me, Edward, what is it about me that you don't like now?"

Perhaps I was being a little unfair to him, but I was fucking sick of him treating me like a child, hiding information from me, messing with my truck so I couldn't go to the Rez. I was fucking sick of him hovering around 24/7. I was fucking sick, and I wanted to scream.

"Does this have to be with the conversation you had with Emily?"

I breathed in and out a few times, reminding myself that he couldn't read my mind and that I needed to use my big girl pants and use my words.

I told him everything, just as I had done with Emily. I felt so fucking free after getting everything out of my chest that I felt like I could breathe again. As if I had been underwater for longer than I was comfortable with in an attempt to see how long I could really hold in my breath.

Edward looked hurt, and I felt terrible for him. But his love was toxic. His love was controlling. His love was dangerous. His love landed me catatonic for six months and seeking all sorts of dangerous activities so I could hear his voice. His love was desperate. Sadly, he didn't know how to love me correctly. He needed a love that was already immortal. He didn't need to be carrying the cross of an unequal relationship. He wanted to be always Superman. But I no longer wanted to be his Louis Lane.

"I understand if you decide to withdraw your help with Victoria after this. But I appreciate everything you've all taught the wolves." I got ready to leave the car, but his hand grabbing my arm stopped me. "Loosen your grip; you're hurting me."

He kept his grip a little longer than necessary, enough so I knew I would have a bruise. He let go eventually. "It's insulting that you think we will abandon you and break our promise to end this." Well, who could blame me for not believing his promises? "I understand the distrust, Bella. But we will help with Victoria."

It was all I could ask. I thanked him and opened the door. When I closed it, I metaphorically closed the door to my past, my pain, to the submissive Bella who never spoke her mind. I closed the door to that girl who wanted to believe in her first love so much that she didn't realize she was in love with someone else until it somewhat hit her in the face.

I went to sleep that night with a smile on my face and Embry on my mind.

…

…

…

Unfortunately for me, reality came in the following day in the way of the final weeks of school, which included endless hours of studying. And between studying, working at the Newton's store, and rejecting the places I've been offered at the Ivy League universities Edward bribed. I spent the last two months buried in responsibilities, trying to regain control of my life, even if it was just by choosing community college for now until I could formulate a better plan.

I didn't hear from any of the wolves in those two months, and I used the space to fully comprehend what had happened that night at the bonfire. I have been in love with Embry, and by some miracle, he imprinted on me. I had given Edward an explanation after the day of the bonfire. The morning after, I woke up feeling like a major bitch for handling the situation the way I had. I didn't trust them anymore, but I could have handled it a bit more gracefully.

I told him how he broke me, how it broke my self-esteem. I told him I nearly ended up in the hospital with pneumonia because he thought that breaking up with me in the woods was a good idea (like seriously, what the fuck was that? Why couldn't he have done it in my house?). I told him everything, including my pull to La Push. I had forgiven him because there was no point in holding a grudge that would only affect my health, but that didn't mean I trusted them again. I told him how I couldn't stand his behavior from the moment we got back from Italy. I should have said something sooner, but suddenly I couldn't find my voice. Edward apologized for his behavior and reiterated his promise to kill Victoria.

So finally, after two long months of processing, thinking, and internalizing everything (and studying to finish high school), I was finally free of any doubt. I grabbed my keys and rushed out.

Of course, nothing is as simple as willing them to be is.

I grabbed my keys and rushed out, only to be kidnapped by a demented red-headed vampire that dragged me to the woods (what is it with vampires and woods?). She was in no mood to play. She wanted to kill me herself. Laurent once said that she was planning a torturous and slow death for me, and I kind of was hoping for that. It would at least buy the wolves and the Cullens time to get to me, or if I didn't make it, it would give them time to kill her and end with the endless bloodbath of her revenge.

She pushed me hard against the trees, knocking the air out of my lungs, but at least I managed to recover pretty quickly, which seemed to enrage her even more. But she quickly got tired of playing games. She didn't even speak to me, which was scarier than her actually killing me. She pushed me once more, harder this time. I fell, and she kicked me on the ribs. I felt the crack and miraculously managed not to pass out. I gathered the last bit of strength that I had and yelled until my throat was raw.

The last thing I saw before passing out was her foot on my thigh, pressing slowly. I don't know if what I felt tearing was the muscle or the bone, but the pain was strong enough to send me to unconsciousness.

THIRD-PERSON POV.

The wolves and the Cullens managed to dispose of the newborns, those were easy to send to hell, but they quickly realized someone was missing.

Embry ran like a bat out of hell, trying to find her scent to follow it, but she hadn't come into the reservation or these parts of the woods in weeks. She had been brilliant. He was about to turn around when the most horrific sound chilled his bones to the core. He would recognize that scream anywhere. He knew it was Bella despite having never heard her scream before.

Wait, Embry! You can't go alone!

Embry growled at Jacob. Because of him, Sam had laid down the Alpha order of not speaking to Bella until she reached for any of us.

I'm coming with you, man. One of us must keep her from killing her.

Hurry up. I'm not waiting for you.

Jacob forced his strength into velocity and quickly reached Embry. They made it to where the sounds and growls were coming from. Apparently, Victoria was so blind with rage that she missed her only opportunity to kill Bella. She was unconscious on the floor, defenseless, and all Victoria could do was growl and insult her instead of snapping her neck or doing something equally drastic.

Jacob charged at Victoria, swiftly beheading her and setting her on fire. Then, he helped Embry with Bella. Embry had phased back and was kneeling naked next to Bella.

Carlisle was quick to arrive a few minutes later. He brought some pants and his medical kit. He gave the boys the clothes and asked Embry for permission to treat her.

…

…

…

Fortunately for Bella, she didn't need any surgery. Only months of rest for her ribs and femur to heal.

Jacob did some serious groveling while Bella recovered at Embry's house (her house had too many stairs for her to be comfortable, and Em lived alone in a two-bedroom house). She quickly got used to her routine at Embry's place. He gave her his room while he took the guest room for himself. Despite how much Bella wanted to sleep next to him, she knew she needed space to lay comfortably and let her body do its magic.

It was the longest three months of her life. She was utterly, irrevocably in love with Embry. He was helpless in the kitchen but a rival on board games. They spent the afternoons talking, cuddling, watching movies, or hosting for the pack (since she could barely move without getting tired immediately). Too soon for her liking, the longest period of healing came to an end. She was glad she was healed enough to dispose of the cast that hindered her leg, but that meant that she could go back to her place in Forks.

She was packing her bags, fighting the tears that wanted to fall. She loved it here. This was her home, she loved Embry, and she didn't want to return to her cold bedroom in Forks.

"Why are you packing?"

"Sue gave me a clean bill of health. I'm ok to go back to Forks." She couldn't say home because this was home.

He walked to her and spun her around, giving her no time to think as he pressed his lips to hers. She responded eagerly.

"I want you to stay." He whispered, leaning his forehead to hers. "I want you to live with me. I love you, and I don't want you to go back to your place."

Bella smiled brightly. "I thought you'd never ask." She pecked him on the lips. "I love you too."