Chapter 16: How to be a Hero

Later in the afternoon, after having finished my medical tests with Caitlin, I see Barry in the speed lab. Stopping in my tracks to watch, I see a blur of red lightning darting around and around.
I quietly let myself in and sit down, silently watching the pretty colours.
It's surprisingly cathartic and I find myself getting lost in thought.

Why does Barry choose to be a hero?
What drives him to not only want to control his powers, but use them to try and help others? I've seen the news reports – he doesn't always completely succeed - but he keeps trying. Maybe he feels guilty for messing up sometimes and all the saving people is to make up for it?
I think I'd be too scared. I'd be too worried I'd make a mistake.

Eventually, I noticed that the red lighting had disappeared. Startled, I looked up, and there he was.
The Fastest Man Alive.

"What's up?" He asked, casually leaning against the wall in his sweats, "Did you need me for anything?"

"O-oh, no," I stammer, feeling sorry to interrupt him, "I was just watching. Your speed makes such a pretty colour." I add shyly, embarrassed to be found.

Coming to sit down beside me, the brown-haired CSI smiles, "I wouldn't know since it's hard to look at it when I'm focused on running, but I'm told it looks like red lightning."

"Yeah, that's right." I say awkwardly, "I guess that's why they call you The Scarlett Speedster."

"Mmm…" The Flash says articulately.

We lapse into an awkward silence.

"How do you do it?" I finally burst out curiously, my former thoughts coming back to me. Then I blush. Oops, why can't you keep your mouth shut Juliet?

"How do I do what?" He asks, looking up, obviously coming back from his own thoughts.

"Save people, talk down bad metas, I don't know-?" I end uncertainly, after asking, now I have to finish, "Be the Flash, I guess. It's just, it sounds so scary and stressful and you have to make decisions that sometimes mean life and death. You take on so much responsibility and the other day," I take a breath. "The other day when I made you see your worst fear. It was horrible, but you just walked it off. And even before I fixed it, you were just walking around like normal. Everyone else freaked out and was terrified of me but you just, I don't know, you were just so calm?" I finished lamely, hoping he understood what I meant, and I hadn't just made a fool of myself. I guess I hadn't realised how much his actions had confused me until now.

He pauses, thinking about how to respond, and then says, "I guess I just have to be brave. Because I'm not really doing it for me, I'm doing it for everyone else. When I was little, I-there was a family tragedy and my mum died. I don't want anything like that to happen to anyone else ever again if I can help it."

I got the feeling there was more to the story than he was saying, but I think I understood his answer.
So, you can't do it well unless you were doing it for someone else.
I wonder if there's anyone I would put my life on the line for. Anyone I would risk everything for.

"Does that answer your question?" He asks.

"Yes," I say slowly, "so do you think anyone could be a hero?"
Do you think I could?

"Sure," he said, the smile slipping easily back onto his face, "anyone. Doesn't matter if you've got powers or not." Then his sense of responsibility seemed to come back to him like a hammer, bringing a sense of alarm onto his face, "But I don't think looking for dangerous situations is a good idea, and you probably should wait until you're older if you want to be a superhero – it's really dangerous and people really die. It's not a game."

"No, I know. That wasn't what I was thinking about." I reassure him, slightly amused that he thought I would try to take on a villain, right after I'd almost been labelled one myself.

"Good." He says, looking relieved that he hadn't inspired a minor into living the life of a vigilante superhero.

About an hour before Caitlin had to take me home, they brought Mr Kliff back to S.T.A.R. Labs. I took a deep breath before entering the room and tried to be brave.
It's not about me – it's about him. I did this and now I need to fix it.
I walked in.

Apparently, the teacher had been sedated, but he still looked half crazed with his greying hair sticking up in all directions and wild, bloodshot eyes. I tried to avoid making eye contact, but it was hard when I could feel his eyes drilling into me.
This time, he was silent, but I felt the weight of his accusations as heavy as if he had placed a milestone around my neck.
The room was almost empty apart from Caitlin, the Flash and Mr Kliff.

"Okay, let's try this again, shall we?" Barry said seriously in a voice that sounded like he'd spoken from behind a fan; all vibrating and warped.

I nod and walk forward, trying not to think about what I might hear.
Then I take off my new bracelet.

"Not supposed to speak?! How ridiculous! I should be allowed to complain to the girl who made me see nightmares!"

I take a breath, and exhale slowly.
Let's just get this over with, Juliet. Don't listen.
Just don't listen.
It seemed to be the thing I had been telling myself since I was twelve.

'Don't listen, just don't listen to them Juliet' Seemed to be my constant mantra.

Don't listen to your parent's argument - it's too painful.

Don't listen to the social worker – she always misunderstands.

Don't listen to the schoolteacher – if you do, you'll let everyone else in.

But this time, maybe I needed to try a different approach? Maybe I should try something new.
Cautiously, tentatively, ready at any moment to bring up my barriers, I listened.
And I heard something.

"I've been seeing this for four days! When will it end? I don't want to run from my stupid childhood fears anymore."

He was afraid.
He was afraid.
And I guess that sometimes makes people angry. I know it made my dad hide behind his bottle. Apparently, it made some people crack jokes. And it made Mr Kliff lash out.
I wonder what he's afraid of? I thought.
I closed my eyes and delved deeper, but after brushing a memory, I paused to watch.

A boy in green pyjamas who refused to turn his lamp off. "But there could be something in the dark! And if I turn my light off it will come and get me!" "Don't be silly – it's just the dark. There's nothing hiding in it." "But I'm scared!"

It was an irrational fear.
Both of us knew it. I knew he knew it.
But sometimes irrational fears have too much power over us. We let it control us until it becomes out of our control. Maybe he just needed someone to show him the stars like that quote I saw on notebooks. Or some understanding. One thing was certain; I couldn't approach it in the same way the other person in his memories had.

What's in the dark? I asked him, and his mind reeled in shock.

"What do you mean, what's in the dark? Why are you in my head?!" He replied, silent and angry.

I need to be here to fix it. Sorry for the intrusion. I apologised, trying to make him understand.

"Fine, let's get this over with."

What's in the dark? I ask again.

"It's an old childhood fear of mine – that there were monsters in the dark, waiting to get me the moment I shut my eyes or couldn't see." He sounded reluctant, but desperately ready end his nightmare.
I look for his recent memories, only to see a wave of darkness sweeping across every landscape he finds himself in. First, the classroom, then the school, then the streets, then the city.

Oh, so that's why you were driving like that; you were trying to out-run it.

I racked my brains to think of something to prove his fear wasn't real and force his deceived brain into thinking clearly and logically. How do you disprove a fear of the dark? How do you show them there's nothing in it? Finally, an idea came.
Close your eyes, I told him mentally, and his refusal was quick and uncompromising.

Please, it'll show your brain that it's not real. When that didn't work, I tried to explain, You have to be brave and stop letting the fear have power over you. You can't keep living in fear, always choosing to be a slave to your imagination. Don't you want to stop being afraid? You have to try. It'll get better – I promise. Nothing will happen. It's all an illusion. You know that. Now please, please, close your eyes.

I opened my own eyes and watched him slowly close his.

Nothing happened. Nothing happened on the surface.

But when I looked into his mind, the illusion was gone.

And I think the fear went with it.

Author's Note

Soooooooo...I'm very late and I blame holidays, a lack of wifi when I had my laptop, and a lack of laptop when I went camping. Sorry. But I have given you a longer chapter so I hope you forgive me :)

Also, I think I've finally found me a theme - see if you can guess, but it hopefully ties to positive and believable character development. I've recently been told with some great advice that my characters are sometimes not that distinct from each other. I'm going to try and accentuate their differences more but I'll need you guys to help! Please tell me if I need to go further (or maybe pull back a bit ;), as a writer, I love feedback, even if it's hard. Don't be afraid to just say what you think :)

Trix

Replies to reviews of last chap:

Roswellostcause
I think Cisco vibing the karaoke thing is likely, possibly by accident? Maybe Caitlin wore the same dress she wore that night one day and he accidentally brushed her? That might be fun to write. Or maybe he went to the same bar as them? Either way it's a sound idea.

F
Cisco watching it as a video is also an awesome idea! How do you guys come up with such interesting stuff? I'd never thought of that, but maybe it appeared on his YouTube recommended. I can totally imagine Cisco browsing at Star Labs when he was bored, then before he decides to tease them, a metahuman pops up and distracts him. XD