Author's Note: This has been surprisingly therapeutic. It is helping me cope with my own stuff.

Her heart pounded within her chest as her eyes fluttered open. She'd had yet another one. The nightmares had plagued her sleep for weeks now... Ever since it had all happened... Swallowing nervously, JJ sat up, still shaking constantly. Her blue eyes flickered to the clock on her bedside. Four AM.

"Okay," she spoke aloud quietly, reaching up to rub her eyes. It was obvious she wouldn't be getting back to sleep. Defeated, she got to her feet and began the long journey down the hall. Fumbling for the light in the bathroom, she yawned. Once in, she immediately turned the water on and began scooping it up in her hands to splash on her flushed face. The feeling of being refreshed came almost instantly and she sighed in relief. Already the nightmare was pushed to the back of her mind.

Therapy. She had therapy in four hours. Out of habit, she peered into Henry's room and like every other time, she sighed in relief when she saw him sleeping soundly, his little chest rising with every breath.

She hadn't had time to react when she heard the glass shatter. The first thought that came to mind was 'Henry.' She was in between her room and his room... Her gun was in her bedroom. Could she make it? Her FBI instinct told her that was where to go, but her motherly instinct was a whole other story... There was no chance to try for either option because it was then the hard blow hit her head and she fell to her knees. The world began to spin and darken and it took mere seconds for her to crumble to the floor.

Shaking, JJ added some more sugar to her coffee as she waited for Taylor to get here. Taylor was an 18 year old University student in the area who sometimes watched Henry for her. The knock at the door startled her, and the spoon clattered to the floor.

Taking a deep breath, JJ made sure to compose herself and walked over to open the door. A fear caught her in the chest, and she froze briefly. They still hadn't caught the guys, and she was so sure any day they'd be back to finish her off. It took her awhile, and she peered out the window to be sure of who it was.

A relieved sigh escaped her, and she opened the door to allow the smiling red head to enter the room.

"He still sleeping?" she asked cheerfully, trying not to stare too much at JJ, whom reminded her much of a zombie at this point.

JJ nodded wordlessly. "Garcia should be here in about four hours, I'll give her some money to give to you."

"That's fine," Taylor said, setting her bag down on the counter.

Though she had her shoes on and was ready to go out the door, JJ froze. It was so hard for her to leave Henry... alone. If she was here, she could protect him.

"Arm the alarm once I leave," JJ said quietly, grabbing her purse off the coat stand.

"Of course," Taylor agreed, nodding trying to give her client a reassuring smile. She didn't know exact details of what happened, but she knew something had happened and if it hadn't been on the news, that an FBI Agent had been attacked in her own home, she'd have known by the difference in Jennifer's personality.

"And make sure to check before letting Penelope in."

"Of course. You don't have to worry. He's safe with me," Taylor said, giving JJ another smile.

JJ forced a smile back before stepping out of the door. She waited for a moment to be sure she heard the locks click and to hear the beeping of the buttons as Taylor set the alarm system up.

"Okay, here goes," she said ready to get into another painful therapy session.

"Wake up," the voice told her harshly.

She forced her eyes open and the light caused her to become aware of the pounding pain in her head almost instantly.

"What do you want?" JJ demanded, the anger in her tone nearly causing the intruders to shrink back, but they weren't easily frightened and definitely not by a small blonde woman.

"That remains to be seen."

As they turned her over, a relief almost set in. All three men were wearing masks. They were protecting their identity. Which could only mean that they didn't intend to kill her. However, she was careful to realize that this didn't mean they wouldn't. And Henry... There were three men. One of them was a heavier set man, with a plain black ski mask. One was a muscled man, wearing a green mask. A part of her told her this was the leader and the last man stood off to the side, wearing a grey mask and he appeared to be quite small and he was refusing to meet her eyes.

"Where's my son?" she snapped, trying to sit up.

A sharp blow to her ribs knocked the breath out of her and she collapsed again.

"That's for us to know, and you to find out. He's safe, for now." The man was careful to add on the last bit and JJ got the message. She had to do what they said, or they'd hurt Henry.

"Please don't hurt him," she begged, the fear for his life making it difficult to breath.

"That all depends on you," the harsh voice responded, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Are you ready to listen?" another one of the intruder's asked.

Feeling completely lost, vulnerable and helpess, JJ nodded.

"You must have been terrified," Dr Kyte started off, giving the Agent a sympathetic glance.

"I was," JJ said, being careful to put emphasis on the was part.

"You don't have to lie to me here, Agent Jareau. This is where it's safe for you to tell me these things. I can assure you that acknowledging you're still afraid after such a traumatic event is not going to keep you out of work. However, if you continue to lie to me and not co-operate that very well may."

A part of JJ froze, and her eyes shot towards the clock on the wall. Another fifty minutes of this...

"Why is the Bureau taking this all so seriously all of a sudden? Is this because of what happened with Elle?" JJ asked, crossing her arms defensively.

"You're trying to keep the conversation off yourself which is not a valuable use of our time," Dr Kyte said with a frown. "The Bureau has always taken such cases seriously. You've been through a terrible ordeal, and I'm here to help you. Yes, it is my job to give progress reports but I can assure you that my goal remains the same. I want to help you."

Her voice cracked slightly, and her chin trembled. "I couldn't scream."

"You mean you were paralysed with fear? " Dr. Kyte inquired after a few moments of silence.

"No," JJ broke off again. "They wouldn't let me."

"That's right. Because you're going to do exactly as we say," the heavier intruder said, the small, mocking laugh in his tone causing the anger to rise in her chest, temporarily pushing the fear to the side.

"We're going to do whatever we want to you, and you're not going to make a sound," the one with the green mask said with a grin.

The heavier man left the room briefly and returned holding Henry. "If you scream, your son gets hurt. One scream and he gets cut. A second time, and we break his arm. The third time and you'll never find his body..." He let his voice trail off to get the emphasis through, and JJ swallowed.

She hadn't intended to scream, she knew it'd get her nowhere but that's when she saw the knife... They intended to torture her. "I understand," she said softly. "But please take him out of here, he doesn't need to see this."

"You're right," said the leader, forcing a false sympathetic tone. "No one deserves to see their mother sliced up. Take the boy back to his room and tie him to the bed."

"He's only a child," JJ objected.

"Can't take any risks, love," the leader spoke again, running the knife softly against her cheek. JJ held her breath as the knife made its way, without leaving a mark, down her side before reaching her hip and that's when the cold blade pierced her. Tears now flowed freely down her cheeks as she struggled not to make a single sound as the burning hot pain made itself known.

"JJ!" Garcia's voice called out. JJ heard the familiar clunking of heels walking towards her.

She closed her eyes. After having finished her session with Dr. Kyte, she just wanted to go home. She was sick of being made out to be a victim. It felt like a lie. As if she was somehow at fault for what had happened, and to be called a victim when it was her fault? It was wrong. It was sick.

Some part of her knew this wasn't logical, as she'd had this conversation with many 'victims' in her career. She told them it wasn't their fault, and it was true, it wasn't. So, why did it feel like for her it was her fault? There was no real answer, but she knew the feeling of shame overwhelmed her. She was sick of the sympathy, the concerned looks... She was sick of being treated like she might crumble or fall apart any second.

"Hey," she finally responded, forcing as much cheerfulness as she could into her voice.

"How are you doing?" she asked, having caught up to her at last.

JJ winced. Once again, made out to be a broken victim. She knew Garcia meant well, but what she needed was normalcy. "Well, I'd be doing a lot better if the coffee here had a bit more flavour," JJ tried to joke, gesturing with her half full cup.

Garcia fought back the urge to sigh, JJ knew what she was asking and she was avoiding it. But, if she wasn't ready to be honest with her... "Well, how about getting some real coffee?

"Oh, I think I'm busy, sorry." JJ had a hard time meeting her friend's eyes. She felt guilty, but really, she didn't want to be around her. She didn't want to be around anyone.

"I haven't even suggested a date yet," Garcia said accusingly.

"It's just a busy week, and having to find a sitter for Henry, and..."

"I'll meet you at your place at four." And with that, Penelope walked away. She'd have given her friend a reassuring hug, and in fact, the urge to was overwhelming but she knew JJ didn't like anyone near her as of late, and she understood why. But she couldn't help hoping that this would all pass. JJ wasn't the same, and maybe she would never be.

She didn't know why she was going along with this. Well, in all honestly, she did. Henry. She was trying to do what was best for Henry. However, she didn't expect to survive this. These guys couldn't honestly want to torture her and let her and Henry go... Her eyes darted towards the clock. She was cursing Will's night shifts right about now.

"He's not due home for another four hours. We have a lot of time," the bigger man said, watching her face closely. So they'd clearly been doing research on her... How had she been stalked and not known? She was supposed to be an FBI Profiler...

Having been distracted by the clock, JJ was taken by surprise when the knife entered her again, digging a nice, clean cut in her leg. A scream nearly slipped out, but she stifled it. She tried to ignore the grin of the man doing it.

"My, you are a quiet one."

No reaction. JJ didn't give him the satisfaction, though her chin trembled, she managed to hide it well enough. It didn't seem to matter, these guys were enjoying this too much. Clearly sadists, but what were her chances of survival? What were Henry's? Did she try and stop them and risk everything, or did she comply and risk everything? She feared whatever she did would lead to regrets, and all she wanted to do was keep Henry safe.

His stubby fingers dug themselves into her wound, smearing the blood all over her leg. Then he took his hand to touch her face, staining it red. "Red really is your colour you know."

All she could do was close her eyes.

The knock at the door startled her. It wasn't near four. It was only two. Was it Garcia? JJ peered through the blinds. No. No it definitely wasn't.

"Will," she said hesitantly, opening the door slightly. JJ took a few breaths, before trying to look composed. This fear, it wasn't logical. Why was she experiencing it? Well, she knew why but it wasn't logical.

"JJ," he replied, smiling at her. "Is Henry home?"

Somehow, JJ nodded. She hadn't seen him much. Not since the attack. She wasn't sure where they were, and couldn't bring herself to care right now. The hurt on his face was causing the guilt in her to overwhelm her more than she'd like. She'd made him leave. She couldn't have him around. It gave her an uncomfortable feeling to be around any males, even ones she trusted. She hated it. She hated how it affected her. What was this? Post traumatic stress? This wasn't supposed to happen to her. It was crucial she be strong, but she wasn't being that right now...

Will reached out as if to touch her shoulder, but he withdrew his hand before she'd had a chance to flinch. He didn't know what to do, but he just hoped that soon enough he could come home and her and him could work through this together. She'd let him know when she was ready... He was careful not to get too close to her, but he walked by to get inside to see Henry.

"Actually, I just hired a baby-sitter to come in a couple hours, but if you want to take him for the night?" JJ's voice trailed off, and she struggled to meet his eyes.

"That sounds good," Will told her, though a part of him wondered why she hadn't just called him in the first place. It seemed he was an after thought, and he wasn't sure what to think about that.

"Great. I'll give her a call then," JJ said, turning to walk up the stairs to finish getting ready. Going out? She wasn't sure this was the right thing for her but anyone that knew Garcia, knew how hard it was to say no to her.

"Great," Will repeated. He looked over to see Henry sitting on the living room couch, and he turned and watched JJ disappear before walking over to his son.

Will was downstairs. That though alone caused JJ to be so distracted she almost left the house with make up on only one eye. She felt guilty. She missed him. She still loved him. A mixture of things, and all of them lead to the uncomfortable feeling she had about him being so near to her.

The light sound of little footsteps eased her nerves. Henry came running in, arms outstretched looking for a hug from his mother before he left. There was no hesitation, she obliged, even holding on a bit longer than Henry had expected. He squirmed in her arms, anxious to go and go with his dad to the park.

"Have fun," JJ called after him. And then that was it. Silence. The memories this house held, aggravated her and caused the tightening of her throat she'd been used to as of late.

The once familiar feeling of feeling safe, at ease in her own home, had taken a leave. And it didn't appear to be coming back anytime soon.

"I think she likes it," the big guy said, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. He sighed in content, tasting the saltiness of her tears. Though she'd tried, the fear had overwhelmed her. She was out there, saving lives, almost every day and here she was feeling like she couldn't even save herself or Henry.

'Think, JJ, think,' she thought, trying to profile these guy as quickly as she could. Maybe there were things she could say, or do. She had to save Henry, even if she couldn't save herself. It was hard to focus, now that they'd grown bored of slicing her with the knife. Instead, they were using a lighter.

She nearly cried out as they tried to pull her night shirt over her head. She froze, using all the strength she could muster to keep herself clothed, to keep herself hidden as best she could.

"If you're not willing to entertain us, then perhaps your son is," the leader said. His grin revealed his yellow teeth, and JJ was too afraid to even be disgusted. What else was she to do? She stopped. Maybe she could go somewhere else. In her head, that's what she had to do.

The sharp pain in her sides brought her back down to earth. They didn't intend to be gentle. They were out for pain. They were out for pleasure. To them, she was just an object for their use. She fought back her tears so much that her throat ached.

There was nothing she could do. She was helpless. Vulnerable. Instead of being the Agent, the savior to many victims, she was them. She was just like them. And this thought destroyed her in a way their knives could never accomplish.

"Remember," one of the men told her, getting her attention. He put his fingers to his lips, "shhh."

Don't scream? That had be the rule. To never scream. The pain they'd inflicted, emotional, physical... Mental.

The scars they'd given her. They'd taken her life from her. They may not have killed her, but a part of her died that night regardless.

Don't scream? Despite the pain, she'd never yelled. But the pain now was great, her chest tightened, the tears threatened to spill. And she did. Finally, after all this time, she screamed. She collapsed on her bed, throwing her brush to the ground. And she let it all out, sobbing into her pillow.