Yeah, I decided I didn't like that chapter. REWRITE!

And I walked out of the room. That went well.

When I was finally able to stop beating the non-existent piss out of the bag in the training room, I made my way to the mini bar in Kasumi's room and immediately started drinking. Bourbon number three was in my hand as I stood in front of the large window and stared out at the expanse.

I felt a warm body sidle up against me, "So you gonna tell me what happened now?" I looked to my left, a pair of chocolate brown eyes glared at me. "Or are we just going to drink in silence. I can do that too, ya know." Kasumi stuck out her lower lip and glared at the glass in her hand, apparently imitating me.

A gentle jab to her side and she was giggling, her joke making me more annoyed with myself, "Not really into reliving it."

Huffing out a laugh, she turned to face me fully, "Oh come on, you two are in love. It can't be that bad."

Ok, suck on this, "I told him to drop me off at Omega and have a nice life." I didn't even have to look, I knew her chin was on the floor. Yep, that shut ya up. This will get ya too. "And part of me meant it."

She walked away from me, pacing the space between the window and the door, then stopped suddenly, "Wait, I think I missed something. Was there an argument in there somewhere?"

I turned to face her, regret pouring off me, "Yes. And it was bad."

She stepped closer, using her hand as a gauge, "Was it this bad," her hand was level with her waist, "Or this bad?" Her hand was over her head.

I felt the anxiety and guilt building up as I shook my head, "Worse." Draining my glass, I put it down on the window sill. "Shit Kass, I don't know how to say it without sounding like a petulant child."

Grabbing my hand, she led me over to the couch and sat, patting the space beside her, "You start at the beginning."

Sitting down with a flop, I let the whole scene pour out of me. From what happened on Tuchanka to the conversation in 'our' quarters (pretty sure that was out the fucking window), I laid it all out. When I was done she looked away thoughtfully before facing me again.

Huffing out a sigh, she shook her head, "He's afraid to lose you."

I nodded, "I know that, but if he trusted me he wouldn't be afraid anymore."

Kass grabbed the nearby tissue box and smacked me upside the head with it, "You asshat! He trusts you implicitly. He is just afraid to lose you!

"It has nothing to do with your skills, you could literally be the most indomitable person in the galaxy, he would still be afraid of losing you!" Confused, I quirked an eyebrow at my BFF and she sighed in frustration. "You came close to dying, three times, and two of those times was because you were in the field with him! Of course he's terrified! Who the hell wouldn't be?"

Slowly coming around to understanding, I nodded my head, "Ok, I get it. Fear is powerful and losing is terrifying." I put up a finger to accent my next point. "Here is the problem. That possibility will exist no matter where I am, no matter who I am with. I live a dangerous life, my everyday involves conflict, fighting, shooting and making life or death decisions. Nowhere in the manual does it say the word 'SAFE'." I put emphasis on the last word and stood, pacing between the door and the couch, following the string of thoughts as they occurred to me and staring at the floor in my path. "SAFE is a four letter word, it's a lie in my line of work. I will NEVER. BE. SAFE. However," I stopped, turning toward her and pointing at her, "if I am a distraction, then I need to be removed from the equation." My hand and eyes dropped to the floor as I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth in thought. SHIT Hackett, you just made his point for him.

"What are you saying, Sam?" A voice I would never have guessed could come from Kasumi grabbed my attention. My eyes flew to the woman across the room in a panic.

She looked so small at that moment, almost folded in on herself in the corner of the couch. Her arms hugging her bent knees tightly, she reminded me of a child I had once rescued while storming a stronghold in Baghdad. Blank expression on her face, but huge dark eyes that screamed fear. I had done that to her.

Slowly moving to sit down next to her, I smoothed a hand over her shiny black hair, "I'm saying that I need to go, but I am not losing touch with my friends." I smiled and removed my omni-tool bracelet, handing it to her. "Can you rig it so I can send and receive messages that can't be traced or intercepted?".

Glaring at the piece of tech, she carefully removed it from my hand, her eyes conveying deep thought, "Hmmm… maybe." She looked up at me expectantly, "How long do I have?"

I smiled sadly, "Until we get to Ilium."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Once I had appeased Kass and sufficiently distracted her with spy-proofing my omni-tool, I made my way over the ramp to where my other BFF was stationed, probably busy calibrating something because everyone knew he didn't sleep. I assumed he would understand my position, he probably already knew what was going on from speaking to John, but I needed him to know that I understood so someone could communicate that to Shepard. God knew I didn't plan to have a long talk with him any time soon so at least Garrus could ease his mind.

As I approached the doorway I noticed he wasn't at his usual spot by the main control panel, so I peaked around the corner to see him down on one knee with some kind of tool in his hand, messing with one of the main lines to the weapons array. Not wanting to startle him and possibly get him fried, I stood at the entrance and waited, cleaning out the dirt from beneath my fingernails to kill time.

"You know, you can come over here and help," Garrus' playfully annoyed vibrato came from across the room.

I smiled, "I figured I would just be in the way." Making my way around the corner, I stepped down and into the area at the far end of the room where he was now kneeling on both legs on the floor.

Pointing his tool at me, he gave me a glare, "You are the reason I am down here, the least you can do is try to help."

I put up both hands in shock and surrender, "What the hell did I do now?"

A shake of his head and an annoyed huff was followed by him standing to full height and glaring down at me, "Shepard is trying to keep busy, so he is keeping me busy."

With defeat, I shook my head, "I'm sorry, you know that was not my intention-"

He slapped a hand down on my shoulder, a warm look in his eye, "Sam, I know. He told me." Taking a rag from his pocket to wipe off his hands, he motioned for me to follow and headed toward the entrance. "Have you decided what you're going to do?"

Walking toward the mess hall table, we sat down and I sighed, not making eye contact, "I'll make contact when we get to Ilium and hopefully get transportation from there. I don't want to draw this out." Silence followed, so I slowly brought my eyes up to meet his. He just stared at me expectantly, so I glared back. "What?"

An indifferent shrug and a smirk followed, "I just thought there would be more to it."

Still glaring at him, I drummed my fingers on the table, "Such as?"

He mimicked me, slowly drumming his fingers along with mine, "Oh I don't know, some way to convince him to get over himself? You've never been good at just going with the flow." Sitting back in his chair, he moved to lace his talons together pristinely. "Just a thought."

I sighed in annoyance, thinking he was waiting for me to admit that I was not going to get my way and savoring the moment, "YES GARRUS, I see the wisdom in removing myself from the equation and will do so when we get to Ilium."

Obviously not satisfied, he raised his eyebrows in fake wonder,"Really? Why is that? Why are you not arguing your point? For instance, why was your only response to him, and I quote, "Drop me off at Omega and have a nice LIFE!?" Annoyance came through in his voice as he sat forward in his chair, glaring at me.

Sensing I was in deep trouble, I swallowed visibly and tried to give him my best meek/apologetic face, "I know. I didn't choose my words very well, but I was so angry-"

He cut me off, slapping his hand down on the table, "You don't think he was angry?" His voice was barely a whisper, but it had all the venom of a cobra, as did his eyes. "He's absolutely furious with himself for not being able to get over this. He wants to grab onto you with both hands and never let go, but he can't and it's killing him." Looking away and shaking his head, he let out a long sigh. "Between the two of you, I don't know who is worse." His eyes snapped back up to meet mine. "Tell him you understand, tell him you will go and tell him you love him."

Standing abruptly, he moved around to push in his chair, "And for your own sake, do it before you leave. You do not want to leave it like this." And he was gone, back into his safe space to putter and adjust.

I was glued to the chair, unable to process what just happened. Garrus was angry with me, and rightfully so, but I had never expected him to show it and with such emotion. Wow, I deserved that but damn. Then it dawned on me why he was so angry, and it filled me with a warmth I had never known. Because he loves both of us.

Smiling, I stood up and looked toward the ramp, "We love you too, Garrus."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

All I could do was stare at the elevator door. I couldn't voice the words to ask Edi to open it, couldn't even gesture, I just stared at the metal and allowed the gaping hole developing in my gut to slowly expand. So when the thing opened I about jumped out of my own skin.

Thane was standing behind it, patiently waiting with his hands behind his back, "Siha, I didn't mean to startle you." He loosened his hands and placed them on my shoulders. "I heard what happened, that you will be leaving us?"

I nodded, "Yes, when we get to Ilium." Then it dawned on me that I had only discussed that with three others on the ship, so I curled an eyebrow at him, "Who did you hear that from?"

His expressionless manner slightly revealed humor at my question, "I spoke with Kasumi while we were sparring just now, she is sad however she is glad that you will still be in touch."

I nodded knowingly, "Yes, and I have memorized everyone's contact details just in case. She is rigging my omni-tool so that I can keep my communications private." I smiled as my shoulders relaxed and he released them, nodding. Then it occurred to me I hadn't gone to see him, which was unforgivable. "I'm sorry, do you have a moment to chat? Unless you've heard all you care to on the subject, that is." We smiled at each other and he shook his head.

"No need, I know we are friends and that you will stay in contact. That is enough." That made me grin ear to ear.

Never had I been in a relationship like this one, where both people were comfortable enough to live their lives and never doubt the others' intentions or decisions. It made me appreciate Thane that much more, so I hugged him tightly as I felt tears well up in my eyes.

His arms slipped around me, cradling me like a child, "I will miss you too, Samantha."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After searching all over the ship, I finally found Samara in Miranda's office, giving me the opportunity to say good-bye to both women. Miranda was happy to see me go, but Samara looked troubled. I did my best to assure her I was fine and would be in touch, however by the time I left the office I didn't feel she was convinced. I made a mental note to make sure to contact her regularly after everything was done.

Grunt made a big show of not caring that I was leaving, but I could tell he was hurt. I poked and prodded until he admitted he would miss me, then hugged him until he hugged me back, stifling a small sob in the process. I kissed his nose and told him he would see me again soon, whether he liked it or not, then practically ran out the door. I almost lost it in the hallway when Jack came walking out of her dungeon.

She stood in the doorway to engineering, leaning on the frame with a smirk, "So, you're taking off before we get to the best part… pussy." Obviously she was trying to elicit a response but I wasn't going to give her the one she wanted.

I looked at her curiously then smiled, "I am jealous, I'll admit. Getting a little tired of doing what I'm told. Take pictures?" Then I blinked at her innocently.

Her grin became wicked, "Loads, of all the dead collectors. Bastards will pay for what they've done."

I smiled with a nod, "Excellent, and if I could ask one thing…" I waited until she gave a small nod, then continued. "Watch John's ass. It's a fine ass and I'd like to see it again."

Jack actually laughed, out loud, then shook her head, "Yeah, didn't see that coming." She looked me over, as if trying to read me, then another small nod. "It is a fine ass, don't want to see it go to waste."

I gave her a smirk and a nod, then stepped into the elevator to return to the scene of the crime and pack my bag.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I actually started shaking, I was so nervous about the possibility of facing him. Shaking, me? I was so in shock I think it made me shake more until I waved my hand in front of the sensor to open the door and walked in.

The room was blissfully empty. John must have gone down to ops to get some other work done, or maybe to see Garrus, who knew, but I was alone and sadly relieved as I walked over to my set of drawers. Removing the duffle from the top drawer, I threw it on the bed then started emptying the other drawers on top of it.

"And I thought I was bad at packing," Shepard's voice rumbled from the doorway, startling me so much that I threw the underclothes in my hands up in the air. Watching them float to the floor and envisioning my stomach going with them, I slowly turned around to face him. He took my breath away.

He was leaning on the fish tank, hip to shoulder, with his muscled arms crossed over his chest. Wearing a black tank top with dark gray sweats, he had a look in his eyes that screamed 'fuck me right now', or at least it did in my head. I think I licked my lips as I swallowed the words down before they found freedom, then cleared my throat and went back to my task, albeit half-heartedly and with zero concentration.

I made no eye contact and said nothing, because I didn't trust my tongue to say what my brain wanted it to, but he had no such control, "I love you."

I froze.

Hearing his footsteps approach, I started to shake again. Breathe, Sam, breathe. A few slow breaths and I was able to turn to face him, the shaking subsiding. I swallowed again and nodded, waiting for him to speak because I had absolutely no fucking idea what to say in that moment.

He stopped a little over an arm's length away from me and sighed, "Sam, I know you're angry and I don't blame you, I would be too-"

I put up a hand to stop him, keeping my voice calm and even, "Enough. Just stop. Please." Taking a long, deep breath, I realized there was only one way to get through this and that was with a little rage. Knowing I had to play the part, I narrowed my eyes at him. "I get it. I don't like it, but I get it." Gesturing to the mess on the bed, I shrugged. "Obviously, I'm packing. When we get to Ilium, I'll contact the Alliance and get a transport from there. You won't have to worry about me, Steven is going to debrief me then probably find me a nice cushy desk job because he is as bad as you." Huffing out in annoyance, I bit my lower lip and growled. "Fucking men. Fuck."

I felt his hand cup my upper arm to turn me toward him, "We both love you."

I pushed his hands away gently, keeping my voice low and my eyes away from his, "Please don't, this needs to be a clean break and with no confusion." I went back to shoving my clothes into the duffle and desperately trying to ignore the hulking brute at my side.

He didn't move, even when I threw the sack over my shoulder and blew past him as fast as I could. Holding my breath, I waved my hand to open the door and slipped into the elevator, not once looking back because if I did…

I would literally fall to pieces at his feet.