…The Disillusioned Of Winter…

/Warning/: This chapter contains, sadness and angst, mention of abortion, a little bit of violence, nightmares, a little bit of fluff, gentle Stevie, and confused Bucky! All reviews are appreciated.

P.S: This is an Omegaverse story as in Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics; it also deals with the standard Winter Soldier's warnings, with that be careful and enjoy!

"Character talking"

"Character thinking"

…Flashbacks…

Chapter 5

The asset (Winter, why does he always forget that his name is Winter?) could only gaze blankly at the box that contained moving pictures ('TV, Winter, it is called TV' Handler Rogers said with a soft smile) as he did for the past three? Four days? Winter stopped counting after that humiliating day when Handler Rogers rejected him. Stupid, stupid; stupid! That's what his mind hissed at him every time his eyes fell on his handlers. To make the matter even worse, Handler Rogers was acting like nothing ever happened, he was still kind, he still make sure Winter is feed, watered, and warm, he still help the asset bath, washing his hair gently and later brushing it… Winter never knew that Handler Rogers can be this cruel… not only did Handler Rogers humiliate him by refusing to initiate The Blue Protocol and giving Winter orders to distract him, Handler Rogers also had the gall to act like nothing ever happened between them, leaving Winter feeling unbalanced and self-doubt.

From the corner of his eyes, Winter noticed Handler Rogers enter the room, a sketchbook in his hands before he stilled in place with his eyes on Winter, taking in how tired the asset no doubt looked like. "You are… still awake." Handler Rogers ended up saying, turning his head to gaze at the clock which read 3:33 A.M. before turning his attention to Winter once more.

"The asset does not need to sleep more than three hours a day," Winter whispered as he turned toward his handler, wondering if his handler would be more acceptant of him if the asset reverts back to his programming before The Original Protocol was activated. Back to where everything was punishment and The Chair, and the asset would be put in Cryo if he mentioned The Blue Protocol.

Handler Rogers took a harsh inhale before biting his lower lips as if trying to stop a curse from leaving his lips; Winter watched enchanted as his handler took the plaid from the back of the armchair and walked over to cover the asset. "Well, that's bullshit. Omegas need more rest than Alphas and Betas, meaning that you need to sleep more than 7 hours a day." Handler Rogers said causing Winter to blink and file the new order his handler gave him for another time.

Winter bite the inside of his cheek when he heard his handler say that, part of him wanted to scream at his handler and shake him, ordering him to cut this confusing act because it was making Winter all confused. Handler Rogers shouldn't act like this, he doesn't need to be kind, he doesn't need to feed and water Winter, he doesn't need to provide Winter with soft clothes and soft bed (Nest) and warm place, he doesn't need to do anything other than punishing Winter if the asset did something wrong!

"Why are you not punishing me for initiating The Blue Protocol?" Did Winter snap? Finally, he lost it and asked the question that was running inside his mind for more than three? Four days? It doesn't matter, Winter needed to know why his handler was cruel like this; was his handler testing him? Did his handler enjoy how confused and unbalanced Winter was becoming because of his new torture method that used 'kindness'? Winter was so confused and desperate and he needed answers! "Why do you always refuse to punish me? Why won't you send me back to The Chair? Why are you refusing to Initiate The Blue Protocol? Are you afraid of losing? You can't lose, you fought me before and you won, so you can't lose! Why are you… why are you different?" Winter growled, his growl tapper to silence as he gazed as his handler, waiting for the Alpha to punish him or do something… anything! To Winter's disappointment, the Alpha only blinked his eyes before looking away from Winter, which informed the asset that the Alpha was going to leave Winter alone and would return in the morning when the sun was at its highest because once again Winter did something and broke his heart.

To Winter's surprise, Handler Rogers did not leave him like he always does, instead, Handler Rogers sat beside Winter, gazing at his shaking fists with a blank look on his face. "We are not Hydra…" Handler Rogers whispered, his words causing Winter to furrow his brows and for a snarl to come over his lips 'Lair!' Winter wanted to scream, 'Lair! If we are not Hydra why did you let them take me away?' he wanted to hiss, take hold of his handler and shake him until he understands what Winter was feeling. "I don't know how many times I have to repeat those words, but we are not Hydra… it means there is no punishment, no fighting, no killing, no restriction, and no protocols… there is nothing chaining you down anymore, so you don't need to force yourself to do anything that you don't want." Handler Rogers stated, turning to Winter and taking his metal and flesh hands in his, causing Winter to still in his place and gaze at his handler.

No killing, no fighting, no punishment, no restriction, no protocols… what the hell was his handler talking about? What kind of madness was his handler stating? Doesn't the Alpha know that Winter is going to malfunction without protocols to keep him afloat? Doesn't the man know that if there was no punishment and restriction then Winter would be adrift? Doesn't his handler know that the only good thing Winter knows is fighting and killing? If Handler Rogers took all of this away then what use does Winter have to his handler? Was that it? Was Handler Rogers putting the asset down for outliving his usefulness? Was it all about this? Handler Rogers not knowing how to tell Winter that he was not needed anymore and that he would be put down like the rest of the Winter soldiers? "I… y-you… than what am I to do now?" Winter couldn't help but ask in a small voice, hoping his handler was going to change his mind and keep Winter for a little bit longer, or was his handler going to show him his true color and order the asset to kill himself? At this point, the asset won't even fight anymore, especially when death was the only relief that Winter can have.

"You get to live your life however you want it… free…" Handler Rogers whispered, causing Winter to tremble slightly as he pulled his hands from his handler and tugged the blanket around him, hoping that if he tugged harder and harder, the piece of fabric will hide him from this nightmare that was going to manifest. Free? Was Handler Rogers really this cruel and mean to say such absurd word to Winter like it was nothing? Was Handler Rogers even kind to him or was it just a front to hide how sadist the Alpha was… the asset was never free, to begin with, and he would never be free no matter how much time was going to pass… the asset was the asset… a weapon… and useless weapons get put down unless they found another way to be useful?

But how? How was Winter going to show his handler that he was still useful? That he was still wanted and didn't outlive his usefulness? The asset was in peak condition to fight (But Handler Rogers said no more fighting) he knows countless ways to kill and maim and infiltrate (But Handler Rogers said no more killing) he was always praised for following every order to the T (But his handler said no more restriction and protocols) and he always accepted his punishment without fighting too much (No more punishment) if Handler Rogers doesn't want the asset like how Hydra wanted him, then what use does the asset hold for Handler Rogers? Staying with Handler Rogers showed the asset that he was useless and easy to abandon when it comes to Handler Rogers because the asset was nothing to his handler… the Alpha has no use for him… that thought alone caused sickness to raise in the asset throat and he had to swallow harshly and calm himself unless he dirty himself and summoned his handler's ire (Even then it would be better than the dilemma he was thrown into) taking another shuddered breath, Winter tried to calm himself least he starts panicking and attacking his handler.

You are so cruel and heartless… Winter wanted to say to his handler, wanted to scream until his voice vanished and he finally get his barriers back; his handler was the most heartless one he was shackled with, in all of his life because even when Winter was in Handler Pierce or Handler Rumlow or any other handler's care, they never tried to plant such outrageous and scary ideas in his mind. They told him what they want from him, they told him what he needed to do and who he needed to kill… they showed him where he stand and what he is to them… they never tried to delusion him with such sweet words that contain nothing but pain and cruelty. One thing was sure, the asset was never going to be free no matter where he go and what he do; Handler Rogers was a manipulative bastard for stating otherwise.

Winter opened his mouth several times to talk, to scream, to accuse his handler; but all Winter did after opening his mouth was shutting it and gaze at the TV, catching the sight of a man and a woman pressing their lips together. The action was not that foreign to Winter, having seen it countless times while he was on missions or even in the barricades when some foot soldiers or Handlers would disappear and lock lips with each other, only to return later like nothing happened. The asset never understood what was so important about locking lips like that; he can see it as an easy way to bite someone's lips or tongue off, which would give you enough time to attack and get the upper hand while fighting them, what he can't understand was why people looked happy after such useless action… Winter wondered what Handler Rogers would do if the asset did that to him, would his handler look happy or would he get mad?

"What are they doing?" Winter asked instead, trying to change the subject of their conversation, not wanting to be forced by his handler into more delusional ideals and wistful wishes; Winter just needs to find something he can be useful with, something that can change his Handler's mind and show him that the asset was too valuable to lose… too valuable to set free…

Handler Rogers blinked his eyes and turned to the TV, letting out a soft 'Oh' when he saw the man and woman pull away from their lips locking and smiling at each other. "They are… they are kissing…" Handler Rogers stated after pausing for some time like he doesn't know how to explain it to the asset, which was absurd considering that the asset is way smarter than everyone thinks.

"Why are they doing it?" Winter asked when Handler Rogers didn't look like he was going to explain the matter any further; part of Winter felt happy when he noticed how uncomfortable his handler was, and he hoped that Handler Rogers would feel as lost and hurt as Winter was feeling at this moment, a childish thought the asset couldn't help but cling to.

"I… uh… Well… people do it to show affection to one's mate…" Handler Rogers stilled on after a few seconds of floundering around to Winter's pleasure; the words that left his handler's mouth though, left Winter frozen in his place as he gazed at the screen and take the man and woman in, tilting his head to the side when he didn't see them snarling and fighting for dominating the other… how can those two be mates when the Alpha doesn't flaunt his presence and order submission from the Omega? Even the Omega woman doesn't look that strong to be able to protect their den and pups, did the woman even know how to initiate The Blue Protocol, to begin with, or did she settle for the weakest Alpha there is to dominate?

Wait! Did his handler mean a mate Mate? The lifelong partner and not the temporary for breeding type of mates? The most sought-after assets, the most wanted assets that every Alpha wants and needs? A mate Mate is irreplaceable and even when not functioning right the Alpha wouldn't dare to put their mate down if they overlived their usefulness! Suddenly, hope took over the asset and he couldn't help but look at his handler from the corner of his eye… if the asset can't be useful to Handler Rogers as a weapon, then the asset can be his lifelong mate, this way, Handler Rogers wouldn't get rid of him no matter how useless the asset was, no matter how many mistakes he makes or if he acted out… Handler Rogers can't get rid of him if they are mates… what about The Blue Protocol? A voice whispered in the back of his mind causing the asset to swallow and look at the couple on the TV screen and how happy they were… The Original Protocol… if everything came to it, the answer is always The Original Protocol!

"Do you… do you have a mate?" Winter finally dared to ask after five minutes of tense silence, his heart pounding in his chest as he waited for his handler's answer; every step the asset was going to take would depend on the Alpha's answer if the man doesn't have a mate then it meant that Winter can integrate into his handler's life without fearing being abandon and being put down ever again. It meant that Winter would be protected no matter what was going to happen from now on, for his handler would be his Alpha, and Alphas always protect their Omegas and pups… it didn't hurt that Winter is very strong and capable, so he would be able to protect their den and (Hopefully future pups) if anything happened.

Handler Rogers paused at the asset's question, opening and closing his mouth several times before looking at Winter from the corner of his eye, causing the asset's heart to pound harder and harder in his chest as he waited for what the Alpha was going to say. In the end, his handler just swallowed before letting out a sigh, leaning back on the sofa, and turning his eyes to the screen. "No, I don't…" Handler Rogers stated his words caused the tight grip on Winter's heart to loosen as a sigh of relief left his lips, his body shaking from how Winter was straining to stop himself from jumping in happiness at such words; though Winter couldn't help a smile from taking over his face at such admission… Winter was going to make sure Handler Rogers will never get rid of him ever again; he just needs to make a perfect plan to win his handler and make him think of Winter as a potential and capable mate…

For the first time ever, Winter didn't stop the happiness fluttering inside him…

"So… you brought me here all the way from Wakanda so I can treat the most wanted fugitive on this side of the planet?" The Alpha asked, giving Sam the dirtiest look there is, causing Sam to try and hide his flinch at the dark look he was under… count on Shuri to make her displeasure known about being here. What can Sam do though? It wasn't like Sam can admit Steve's mate to a hospital without the Avengers coming after him and locking him up, and knowing Steve he would do something stupid to get his mate back.

"No, I brought you here all the way from Wakanda to treat Steve's, long-lost mate." Sam stated, his words causing Shuri to inhale harshly and turn to Sam so fast the Beta wondered how the woman didn't have whiplash from such display; the disbelieve and confused look Shuri was sending caused Sam to swallow and look around him, making sure that no one was with them in the clearing (A secluded place that Shuri always liked to land her jet in when visiting) "I will give you the files as soon as we leave this place… I don't want this information to get out." Sam explained hastily causing Shuri to purse her lips before nodding her head, turning to some of her people and bodyguards who came with her and start giving them orders.

"Talk…" Shuri ordered two hours later, gazing at both Angie and Sam who were fidgeting in their seats, not knowing what to tell Shuri that everything seemed to be moving smoothly… I mean Sam still couldn't believe that Shuri agreed to come to their town and help, but he should have known mentioning Steve's name was like a magical button.

Instead of talking, Sam stood up and brought a few files before handing them to Shuri, because he was sure as hell doesn't know what to say when it comes to Bucky Barnes. POW, brainwashed, assaulted? What can he say to Shuri without getting sick and shivering at such a dark fate the Omega suffered from; let's not forget that the Omega they were talking about was no one other than Steve's mate, their protector and friend's mate.

Shuri took the files from his hands with a skeptical look on her face, but she shook her head and start reading through them; it didn't take long for her to lose any color in her face and for a sick hue to take over. Horror and disgust panting her face as he continued to read, even when her hands were shaking so badly that Sam feared she would rip the files in two.

After Shuri was done, the three of them stayed silent for a long time, gazing blankly at each other before Shuri swallowed opening and closing her mouth several times before she finally gathered herself enough to ask them the most important question so far. "D… d-does Steve know?" She whispered, her eyes widening when Angie and Sam flinched and shook their heads in denial. "Shit!" Shuri cursed, causing the two of them to study here and wait to see if she was planning on running away from here and saving her hid, and who would have stopped her if she did that? No one wanted to be Steve's target when the man realized everyone hide important information from him. "You two are insane, you know that right? How can you hide this from him? Do you know what he would do when he finds out?" Shuri rambled, getting winces from both Sam and Angie, as they both can see how panicked Shuri was becoming by the second.

"We know… that's why we were postponing it until now." Angie finally spoke, her words cutting Shuri's rambling and causing the teen to turn to her with a disbelieving look as if accusing her she was an idiot. "We were hoping that you will be able to help us with his metal arm and the… the brainwashing? Getting him back on his feet before we dumb all of this on Steve and cause him to go mad with bloodlust…" Angie trailed off when she saw the horrified look on Shuri's face who was looking at Angie like she went mad and that she would cause everyone's death by her insane choice… which was possible…

"Shuri…" Sam finally spoke after what seemed like hours, causing the teen to turn her glare to him, but Sam wasn't fazed by it, not when it could possibly save Steve from doing something stupid. "I was there when Bucky Barnes woke up; what he is right now is not… a human, not a person… what he is now is just a doll waiting for orders. A doll that decided his handler is Steve because he remembered him." That caused Shuri to snarl and glare harshly at Sam, especially at the way he used to descript Bucky Barnes as if he was an object and not a human. "Believe me, I know what you feel, but at this moment this is the best description I can give you… Bucky Barnes is nothing but a doll trying to copy Steve's every movement because he thinks that's what Steve wants from him. if he saw Steve preparing to go after Hydra then he would put his life and stability in danger to protect Steve and kill once more because that's the only thing he knows… kill and protect your handlers… Steve can't see that because he is still grieving, still trying to protect Barnes to see what's wrong with his mate… we can't put them in danger at the moment, do you understand why we are hiding this from Steve?" Sam explained as best as he can, causing Shuri to growl but lean back in her chair while looking at both Angie and Sam with a frown on her face.

"This is madness, you realize that don't you?" Shuri asked, getting a nod from both Angie and Sam, which caused her to curse once more and lean back on her chair, crossing her arms under her chest and gazing at the ceiling in deep thoughts. "Steve is going to kill us when he learns about this…" Shuri warned getting another nod from both Angie and Sam. "Bucky Barnes may not be able to live here if the news of him being here gets out… especially when you have some of the government's dogs and puppets living here." That caused Angie to wince but she straightened herself.

"We are trying to change that," Angie stated, causing Shuri to return her gaze to them and raise her eyebrow ordering them silently to tell her their brilliant plan. "I am hosting a meeting with the elders of town… I don't know about the others but I am sure I can convince Daniel Sousa and Jack Thompson to be on Steve's side… those two are close to Steve, especially Daniel so I don't think it would be hard to convince them to help our case." Angie explained, her words causing Shuri to 'Tsk' and look around the living room.

"Even if you succeed in that, it would be what? Three elders against four, the odds are still not in your side, even if I convinced father and T'Challa to allow Bucky Barnes in Wakanda, I don't think the others would be happy to realize that Steve is going to follow his mate and abandon you all." Shuri stated, causing Angie and Sam to purse their lips and look away.

It wasn't like Sam didn't think of this possibility, he had been thinking about it ever since he stated that maybe Bucky Barnes should be treated in Wakanda instead of here… that was the worse possibility Sam and Angie could think of if push comes to shove… want it or not, even if Steve wasn't the official leader of their town and pack, just his presence and aura was enough to put everything in order and stop the fights of dominance that would have broken left and right if there was no Alpha and pack leader to calm them; if Steve left them, everyone can be assured that fights between Alphas to become the new pack leader would take place… and no one wants any of the other candidates that would ruin them and expose them because of their immature and crazy personalities.

"If it comes to that… we will try and solve the problem ourselves…" Sam said getting a nod from Angie as she backed him, causing his tense muscles to relax… yes, that was true, if it came to Steve abandoning them for his mate, they would find a way out of it and continued as they always did; Steve doesn't have to worry about them and be forced to choose between them and his mate.

Shuri tilted her head to the side and pressed her lips tightly before shrugging, cracking her knuckles as he stood up and stretched. "You two don't have to worry about Bucky Barnes, I would handle his recovery; what you need to focus on is trying to convince the other four elders, if you can do it, then everything would go as smoothly as we hope for…" Shuri huffed, causing Sam to let out a relieved sigh as he looked at Angie with a hopeful smile, mirrored back by the Alpha who stood up and offered her hand to Shuri.

"Thank you, we own you one, Shuri…" Angie said with a happy grin, causing the teen to scrunch her nose but take Angie's hand, a playful smile on her lips as she gazed at both Sam and Angie with mischief in her eyes, informing them that whatever Shuri was going to do would turn their hair grey.

"Don't thank me, I own Steve one anyway, what better way to cash it than helping his mate?" Shuri stated, causing both Angie and Sam to look at each other with a grimace on their faces, already knowing how Shuri was going to pester Steve later. "Anyway, you seriously need to go and employ the help of the other elders before the news of me or the Winter Soldier being here spread in the town; God knows what those annoying elders would be like if they realize that Steve's mate is back… I am sure it would break many hearts…" Shuri said with a grin causing both Sam and Angie to laugh at how true her words were…

They just hope that Steve was going to be OK when the storm finally shows up…

"Tell us about Bucky Barnes…" Natasha asked one day when she was finally out of the ICU, the team was gathering for the first time in… forever… to unwind and enjoy themselves… it had been hell ever since Hydra and the Winter Soldier fiasco, and the team wanted to calm down before they were forced in the line of fire once more.

The question made everyone raise their head from their food and turn to gaze at Peggy Carter, waiting to see what she was going to do that the question was asked out loud and by Natasha no less. This question has been running through everyone's heads ever since Peggy stopped Natasha and later Tony from shooting the Winter Soldier, claiming that he was Bucky Barnes and that she was sure of it. At first, everyone thought that the woman was going crazy imagining her dead mate beside her, but the longer they spent searching about the Winter Soldier, the more sure they become that the Winter Soldier was Bucky Barnes who was supposed to die in the Alps seventy years ago.

Peggy stilled for a moment or two before she took another bite from her Thai dish, turning her thoughtful gaze to Natasha, studying her for a few seconds before swallowing her bite. "What do you want to know?" Peggy finally asked, breaking the tension that arose in the room when the question was asked. Tony could only let out a shuddered sigh of relief as he looked between Natasha and Peggy, taking another bite of his pizza to occupy his hands and mouth, hoping that he wasn't going to do something stupid and cause Peggy to close herself once more.

"Anything really, it doesn't matter…" Natasha started with a casual shrug that everyone can see is anything but casual… the Alpha wanted to know anything there is about the Winter Soldier, she wanted her revenge and she would do anything even if it meant playing Peggy's delusion of the Winter Soldier being Bucky Barnes… Tony can see that as clear as day, and part of him wondered if Peggy can see that too or if she was so lost in her tiredness and haze that she did not see the shadows following Natasha every time she hissed the Winter Soldier's name.

As much as Tony wanted to stop Peggy and warn her about Natasha, part of him was curious to learn about Bucky Barnes; surely, an Omega who made Captain America this lost and confused must have been something special, right? That line of thinking was what made him keep his mouth shut and busy himself with chewing, silently noting that he need to warn Peggy from whatever ill Natasha hold for the Omega; maybe Tony can convince Natasha to let go of her anger and want of revenge, just like Tony did?

"I met him when I freed the 107th from Hydra's clutch…" Peggy stated after taking another bite of her food and swallowing it, her words making everyone stop eating and turn to her, enchanted by what she was going to tell them; Thor, God bless his heart was still eating, but from the way his eyes went over the room, it informed Tony that the God was paying close attention to everyone, that he may have even caught on Natasha's hostility toward Barnes. A pleasant surprise, to be honest, one that made Tony hatch a plan of getting Bruce and Thor on his side with helping Bucky Barnes and hide him in a safe place until all this madness dies down.

"Everyone knows that story…" Tony finally spoke, turning Peggy's attention to him, and for once Tony berated his mouth for opening up without his permission, but it wasn't like the famous story of Captain America saving Bucky Barnes and falling in love with him wasn't known already… it was practically the same plot of the Titanic or some shit, hell! The director of Titanic used Peggy Carter and Bucky Barnes's stories as references when he wrote and direct his movie. "You had enough of being in the USO and when you heard about the 107th capture you convinced Howard to fly you to Hydra's base and then you ended up saving 400 men that day alone with no backup," Tony said, his words getting a sad smile from Peggy who turned her attention toward her hands.

"That wasn't the real story… no…" Peggy stated and everyone watched how the smile fell from her lips as she seemed to be lost in thoughts. "While it was true that your father flowed me over the enemy line and that I managed to infiltrate Hydra's base… the truth is when I arrived at the base everything was already burning to the ground and everyone was saved from Hydra's clutch." The admission caused Tony's eyes to widen and he and his teammate looked at one another with confusion and disbelieve not knowing what to make of the woman's secret. "James Barnes was the one who saved the 107th… while I was wasting my time rushing to the base and destroying as much as I can of the enemy's tanks and weapons; James Barnes managed to free himself from his captures and start wreaking havoc in Johann's base, freeing prisoners and destroying Hydra's researches while burning their base to the ground… what I arrived to was a burning base and 400 soldiers standing outside, cold and injured as James Barnes gave the rest of the uninjured soldiers, orders to start marching to the allies; I nearly get my head blown up by James when I approached them, it was only thanks to my Monkey suit and the communicator that Howard gave me I survived…" The woman explained her words caused an awkward silence to fall on everyone as they looked at the woman who was looking more ashamed by the second as she told them the truth that no one knew about.

"There is no mention of this story… even in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s most secret and secured files…" Natasha said, her words made everyone shift as they looked around in disbelieve, wondering if Peggy was telling the truth or if she was losing it by imagining Barnes in her place… Tony though, he believed Peggy, having spent all of his life in the presence of military men higher-ups he knew how cruel and unreasonable the higher-ups can be when it came to Omegas soldiers…

"The higher-ups hide the truth because an Omega saving more than 400 soldiers all by himself was nothing but shame… but having Captain America, an Alpha, saving 400 men all alone and without backup, was what the military needed to boast its morals and spirits…" Peggy spate furiously confirming all of Tony's doubts as he saw how everyone sat in awkward silence, not moving as they gazed at the Alpha who was seething as she glared at her hands. "I went to apologize to him later…" Peggy cut through the silence a few minutes later, causing everyone to raise their head from their food and look at the woman as a tired smile crossed over her face. "He told me to shove it off, that he didn't save people just to be recognized, but because there was a punk in Brooklyn who would be disappointed in him if he didn't do his best and stop the Nazi bullies… after that, you can say the rest is history, against the approval of the higher-ups I made Bucky Barnes and his team the Howling Commandos; really, the Captain America mantra should have been Bucky's… God knows that most of our successful albeit crazy and suicidal plans were his…" Peggy mumbled, seemingly lost in her thoughts, her words making Tony frown harshly and look at his slice of pizza, now knowing fully will what Peggy Carter meant by her harsh words the day on the Helicarrier.

"Were you two together?" Bruce asked, breaking the silence for the first night since they gathered, his question causing everyone to turn to Peggy once more, this time with mixed emotions and not the pure excitement they felt before knowing the truth about Bucky Barnes and what the military hide.

Peggy opened and closed her mouth several times as she tried to answer that question; it took some time before Peggy gathered herself a tried look dominating her face as she continued her tale. "We weren't… but after the war, I was planning on asking him for his permission to court him," Peggy whispered letting out a shuddered breath as she hugged her legs to her chest. "We were close friends, and James didn't show any disdain in my obvious crush on him… maybe it was because we always talked about what would happen after the war stopped, we talked about the life we could have after the madness was over… we both knew that there was a possibility that there won't be an after but we still hoped for it, I never thought it would be like this though… if I knew he was alive then I…" Peggy's words seemed to vanish as she shook her head, mumbling something under her breath before she stood up and walked away, leaving the rest of the Avengers sitting in the living room with their appetite none existing after such confession…

Tony could only curse what he learned today…

Step after step after step…

Winter watch in confusion as his legs continued to move without his permission, crossing an unknowing distance until they reached the place they seek; a small bedroom with a sick sleeping figure on the bed… I'm sorry, I'm sorry, so, so sorry, sorry, so sorry… was repeated constantly in his head, causing the asset to whine as the words continued to repeat faster and faster until all Winter can hear was the word 'Sorry' over and over in his head.

"Sweetheart? What are yuh wearin'?"

A hoarse voice asked, followed by harsh coughing that made Winter raise his head to see Handler Rogers (So young, so young, so young) on the bed, looking at Winter with confused eyes as he took in his strange clothes (The clothes, familiar and not at the same time, causing Winter to become sick just by the sight of them) it didn't take long for focus to enter his handler's eyes and when it did, Winter couldn't help the flinch that came when he saw the shock and anger on his handler's face.

"What d'ja do?"

"I did what is needed tuh be done…"

Winter's mouth opened without his permission and hissed at his handler, ignoring the pain and hurt in his handler's eyes, ignoring the cracked voice as it accused him, ignoring the wails and whines inside his head that continued to say 'Sorry' over and over again until the word hammer his head and deafened him to his Handler jumping from the bed and screaming at him.

"What needed… How can yuh be so selfish tuh risk your life while pregnant?"

That word made the breath rush out of Winter's lungs and he couldn't help but gaze at his handler with wide eyes… pregnant? A child? Is Winter with a child? But that can't be, it is impossible… Winter was not an optimal breeding stock, his womb was barren and useless and cannot carry a child without killing it… is he with a child?... the word 'Sorry' became so loud in his head that Winter felt like he was wailing the word over and over again and for the second time without his permission, his mouth opened and words left his throat.

"Yuh don't need tuh wawhry about de baby if that's all yuh evuh tink of! Okay? It's all taken care of now!"

No, no, no, no, no, no! Sorry, sorry, so sorry, please forgive me, Stevie, so sorry!

"… What did you do, Bucky?"

A broken voice asked, denial in every word, tears of pain and betrayal sliding down gaunt cheeks, as blue eyes plead with Winter to cut this cruel act… Winter… Winter wanted to cry too because he doesn't know what was going on, only that Bucky (He must be James 'Bucky' Barnes the original owner of the body) did something really, really wrong and bad and that Handler Rogers was going to leave Winter because of it… Handler Rogers was going to punish Winter for what the previous owner of this body did and Winter couldn't help but start crying…

"I get rid of de baby…"

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, so, so sorry! A wail nearly left Winter's lips when he heard those words, no, no, no, no, no! Not a suitable breeding stock…. Get rid of the baby… he gets rid of the baby? What did Bucky Barnes do to the baby? What did Bucky do to his body? What did he do to Winter's baby and body?!

"No…"

A choked voice full of pain, full of hurt, full of denial; blue eyes full of tears, full of betrayal, full of love that was draining as shock and agony took over… eyes that gazed at Winter like he wasn't human anymore, eyes that asked him why did he do that? Why did Bucky do that? Winter would never do that, he would never do that! He would never get rid of something he secretly wished and hoped for, for more than sixty years!

"D-don't cry, Stevie… it is OK, everything is going to be OK! It's not like this is the only child we are going to have, we can have another one when I get back from war… S-Steve? W-why are you backing away from me?"

Pain, hurt, agony, betrayal, hate, love, self-loathe… and so many more emotions were shining in those blue, blue eyes as Handler Rogers was backing away from him, looking at Winter like the asset was someone… something!... he didn't recognize. The same could be said for Winter, who was shaking and screaming and wailing when he realized what the original owner of this body did… he robbed Winter of the ability to carry pups… he took the only thing Winter was good at and destroyed it because he wanted to go to the war… he…

"I am sorry, Bucky…. I am so sorry…"

A feminine voice cried behind Winter, causing the man to blink and gaze in horror as his handler disappeared, turning behind, Winter swallowed when he saw a young female crying as she looked at Winter with teary eyes and trembling lips.

"Steve... h-he diad… he… he died saving a little girl... f-from… I… I am so sorry…"

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Sorry, sorry, sorry, so, so, so sorry!

Not you too! I can't handle losing you and the baby together! Please, not you too!

NO!

.

…

.

When Winter opened his eyes, he could only listen to the storm outside as he started to scream…

And scream…

"Winter, calm down, it's me, Steve, Winter, wake up!"

And scream…

"Bucky!"

And scream…

He wished he was dead…

So what do you think?

Poor Winter! Poor Steve! Those two can't catch a break, can they?

A little sadness before Christmas… yikes…

Read and Review

And tell me what you think…

Nazaki-Sama