SO SORRY! For the hiatus and the replacement chapter. I did not like the old one, let's try this one. Yes, my OCD and ADD kicked in at the same time. More to come!

John

Sitting on the couch in my quarters, I pinched the bridge of my nose sharply, trying to force my mind to set aside what was going on in the med bay and zero in on the information in my hand. After squeezing my eyes shut and blinking a few times to clear them, I read the first sentence on the tablet regarding our next mission to myself, 'A Derelict Reaper found in the Thorne System that is being investigated by a Cerberus science team has an IFF that can potentially be used to pass safely through the Omega 4 Relay.' Pass safely, ha, I can't keep anyone SAFE. SAM is anything BUT SAFE. She's on a gurney, having major surgery to replace her spine, among other things, because I couldn't keep her SAFE.

Frustration took over and I threw the offending tech against the wall, shattering it, "Fuck this." I quickly stood, jostling the table in front of me and marched straight into the elevator. "EDI, Crew Quarters please." The door slid shut and I felt the descent in my stomach as I was brought to the level where the source of my stress lay quiet and still, two things that I would never have used to describe her before.

The door opened and I was entering Dr Chakwas' domain when I heard a familiar gravelly voice on coms, "Karen, tell me the truth. Will she be alright?"

Hesitating for only a moment, Doc sighed deeply, "Well Steven, it appears our privacy has been breached. Shepard just walked in." Waving her hand in my direction briefly, she continued. "But to answer your question, yes, with the modifications we discussed and you approved, she will be fine." A huff of a laugh escaped the older woman, "In fact, she will probably be as giddy as a school girl with the bone density, muscle tissue and skin tissue upgrades. As we all know, she loves putting herself in mortal danger every chance she gets."

A rumble of a laugh came from the screen in front of her, "Agreed. Keep me informed, Hackett out."

Surprise, as well as my previous frustrations, had overtaken me and it came through in my voice, "Hackett? Why is he approving anything for Sam?"

Doc rose from her seat and turned to face me with a tired smile, "It's alright Shepard, she is going to be fine. And you will have to take that up with Sam when she wakes up, it's her story to tell."

A little embarrassed and confused, I accepted the older woman's boundary then glanced over at the occupied gurney with a knot lingering in my stomach, "So you're just waiting for the incisions to heal?"

She nodded, "Yes, and she is healing nicely I might add." Walking over to inspect one of the bandages, she pulled it away and grinned, "She may wake up in the next day or two at this rate, but I'm letting her come around naturally. With all the new tech, I don't want to overwhelm her nervous system." She replaced the bandage and turned to face me, "How are you doing, Shepard? I saw the look on your face when you brought her in here, it couldn't have been easy."

Anger reared its ugly head once again, "Yeah, having her unconscious in my arms wasn't how I imagined our reunion would go." I shook my head as I looked at the floor, "I'm trying to calm down before I contact The Illusive Man, but I just know the bullshit he will spew will just piss me off more." Clenching my fists, I took a long breath and sighed, "I'm just glad she's going to be alright. If anything had happened to her…"

Doc put up a hand to stop me, "I have a very good idea of how that sentence could end, Shepard." She gave me one of her motherly looks, "I know how you feel about her."

I felt my cheeks warm as I smiled back, "Yeah…"

"Commander," Joker's voice came over the comm, "I have Alliance HQ on the line, wanting to speak with you."

I gave Doc an inquisitive look to which she shook her head, as confused as I was, so I shrugged, "Ok Joker, I'll take it up in my quarters." Nodding to Karen, I asked her to keep me posted and went over to the lift.

Once inside my room, I moved to my desk and opened up the comm, "This is Shepard, what can I do for you?".

"Incoming message from Admiral Steven Hackett, Alliance HQ."

I nodded, "Put him through."

There was cracking in the line, then a voice, "Commander Shepard, I need to discuss a sensitive matter with you. Privately."

Punching a few buttons, the view screen popped up and the older man's face was visible, "We're alone Admiral, what can I do for you?"

The older man sighed, "I'll keep this brief. We have a deep cover operative out in Batarian space. Name's Doctor Amanda Kenson. Doctor Kenson recently reported that she found evidence of an imminent Reaper invasion."

I took a step back, crossing my arms over my chest, "So why call me?"

The Admiral didn't skip a beat, "Just this morning I received word that the Batarian's arrested her. They're holding her at a secret prison outpost on terrorism charges. I need you to infiltrate the prison and get her out of there. As a favor to me, I'm asking you to go in alone."

A few thoughts ran through my mind, like whether or not he would bring up Sam and if this was related in any way. Would he send me on a suicide mission to get back at me for working with Cerberus, the organization that tried to kidnap her? What else could be the reason for the sudden interest in sending me into a Batarian secret prison alone?

Glancing at the floor in the direction that all of my tension was coming from, I nodded, accepting the fact that she would want me to help and looked back up at the screen, "I'll make this a priority."

Hackett nodded back, "The prison is hidden underground at a Batarian outpost on Aratoht, I'll upload the coordinates now." He looked down and entered some info, looking back up at me. "Once she's secure, confirm her discovery. We'll debrief you when you're back."

Another stiff nod at the Alliance Admiral, "Got it."

He returned the nod, "Hackett out."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What the FUCK did I get myself into?!" My confusion was so intense it had to be verbalized as I ducked into cover to avoid being shot by the team of the very person I just broke out of a Batarian prison. "Seriously Hackett?! You really are trying to get me killed!" I spat as I sent some fire back at them, trying not to be overwhelmed. No good deed goes unpunished, I thought, then took a few shots to my shoulder as I pressed against the wall as close as I could to avoid any more from landing.

No doubt the project was a shit option, I hated every part of it, but it was the only option to keep the Reapers from pouring into the galaxy in the next few days. Hurling an asteroid into a relay would cost a lot of people their lives, but it will save billions more in the process! And these people trying to stop me are Alliance personnel that should be helping me, but of course they're indoctrinated…

Just then I heard another door open and more troops poured into the room, Fucking bunch of mindless mother-Where the hell are they all coming from? Suddenly a group of about 8 of them swarmed me, taking down my shields, then everything faded to black…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

There was noise, like the rattling of small metal objects, then the head ache kicked in as I tried to lift my head. Blurred vision and a sharp pain hit my eyes as I slowly sat up to take a look around.

There was a voice, a woman I think, who sounded panicked, but I was still too confused to react. I was being shot at, but I'm alive? Wait, everyone was indoctrinated! I shook my head, trying to clear it then took another look around the room to find two armed guards coming at me. With nothing but my fists for protection, I knocked them both out and took another moment to check out my surroundings.

I was in a med bay, locked in if the force field was any indication, and there was a woman on the other side of the glass looking very satisfied with herself. Yeah, not for long, sweetheart.

Walking over to the nearest console, I spotted controls for a mech and smiled wickedly. The woman started shouting at me to step away, so naturally I brought the thing online. Shooting her with that mech was very satisfying, however the back up she called for arrived in force. More mechs poured into the room, but mine took them down. Once it was done, I directed it to shoot the power conduit to the forcefield so I could get free.

Finding my armor and weapons close by, I got ready and made the shit decision to activate the project. There was literally no other way to stop the invasion. Eventually I found the controls to initiate the process, but when I looked at the screen, my jaw dropped. The countdown showed there were less than two hours before the Reapers came through… I was unconscious for 2 days! Alright, get your shit together and get this done Shepard!

Once I confirmed everything in the system, I tried sending a message to the Batarians in the area, warning them of the impact, however Kenson interrupted the transmission and threatened to destroy the asteroid before it reached the relay. Jesus Christ you fucking lunatic!

"Tell me where to find Dr Kenson," I growled at the screen in front of me.

It was quick to respond, "Dr Kenson is traveling to the reactor core module."

Before I could act, Kenson came back up on the screen, "An eezo core meltdown should do it. Because of you, everyone on this rock will be obliterated!"

I shook my head and growled, rage taking over, "Not if I get to you first."

Making my way through the base, I took out every mech and guard that got in my way without hesitation. It took a while, but I finally got to the core and figured out how to stop the meltdown, taking out even more guards. The loss of life for this would only be the beginning for the Reapers, but it gnawed at me nonetheless as I finally faced Kenson alone.

My gun drawn, I listened to her crying about not being able to hear 'the whispers' anymore and finally lost my temper, barking at her, "Back away from that console. Turn around! NOW!"

As she turned, she revealed the detonator in her hand, "You took everything away from me, now I will never see the Reaper's arrival. All you had to do was stay asleep, none of this had to happen!"

For some strange reason still holding out hope that she could be reasoned with, I lowered my gun, "Kenson, You don't have to do this! We can get off this asteroid!"

She shook her head, "No, we cannot." And she pressed the button. Beeping, then… more black.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I awoke to the computer warning of the imminent collision, so I shook the fog from my head once again and raced to the nearest operational console, "Joker, this is Shepard, I need a pickup NOW!"

The computer responded, "Communication system damaged. Evacuation protocols in effect-" I didn't hear the rest, just asked for directions to the evacuation area then took off running for the tower, hoping to grab a shuttle out of there.

There were more guards everywhere I went, every door I opened, so I continued to fight my way through what were probably all Alliance personnel to get to safety. Finally arriving at the landing pad, I took out the last of the guards that had been left behind and a YMIR Mech to reach the comm tower to try to contact the Normandy, hopefully in time to get off the asteroid.

As the last one fell, I ran over to the Comm Relay and activated it, "Shepard to Normandy, Joker do you read me?". Silence, then an errant thought popped into my head. If the Normandy doesn't come, maybe it's karmic justice. All those people I just killed to get here, all the people I will kill with the relay being destroyed, maybe I deserve to die with them.

Just then a projection of a full sized reaper materialized to my left, seemingly out of thin air, coming toward me. Knowing it was not a threat, I approached the platform it hovered over to face it.

As it came to a halt, the air hissed, "Shepard, you have become an annoyance."

My hackles rose instantly… Harbinger.

It continued, "You fight against inevitability. Dust struggling against cosmic winds. This seems a victory to you. A star system sacrificed. But even now, your greatest civilizations are doomed to fall. Your leaders will beg to serve us."

What it said struck a chord, "Maybe you're right. Maybe we can't win this." Then my tenacity and temper took over, "But we'll fight you regardless. Just like we did Sovereign, just like I'm doing now…

"However insignificant we might be, we will fight, we will sacrifice, and we will find a way," I growled. "That's what humans do."

Seemingly ignoring my statement, the hologram continued, "Know this as you die in vain, your time will come. Your species will fall. Prepare yourselves for the arrival." And the image slowly faded to nothing.

Complete rage took over, no way in hell was I going to let those sons of bitches win. That meant I had to be there, had to survive the asteroid, survive the Collector base, as well as anything else those bastards sent my way, so that I could be there to take them out in the end. And there would be an end, I would make damned sure of it.

I shook the errant thought from earlier out of my head, trying my comm again and got a response, "Commander Shepard, Normandy inbound for a pickup."

Relief, "Roger that." And I ran to the platform, hopping onto the Normandy's ramp, "Get us out of here Joker!" The door closed and I heard the engines engage as we approached the relay, then felt the surge as we were pushed through and to the other side… the Normandy and her crew were safe.

But the colonists of Aratoht would never know safety ever again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam

My patience was wearing thin as Dr Chakwas looked me over for the hundredth time since I'd woken up the day before, "I feel like I am always sitting on these gurneys with you poking at me doc, when can I be released?"

She huffed at me then looked me in the eye, "You are a worse patient than Shepard, and that is saying something." Going back to what she was doing, she let out a soft sigh, "Speaking of, I'm getting worried about him."

A knot formed in my stomach, "Yeah, me too."

Suddenly the door flew open and in stumbled Garrus, half carrying John, "Where do you want him doc?" the Turian asked half jokingly.

I jumped off the table and raced to their side, immediately beginning to remove Shepard's armor as Karen cleared an area, "Here Garrus!"

We dragged him over to her and continued to take off the pieces we could get to, then pulled him up onto the gurney to get his boots off so Doc could get a good look at him. Feeling completely helpless and not knowing what else to do, I gathered up the pieces of plate and greaves, slowly making my way out of the med bay and to the armory to set them up for repair and cleaning. Anything to feel productive.

Jacob was working on his shotgun when he saw me enter, "Hey Sam, whatcha have there?"

Holding back tears I didn't realize were threatening release, I choked out the words, "John's armor."

He instantly realized the gravity of the situation and took the pieces from me, laying them out on the now cleared table, then turned back to me and sighed, "Is he alright?"

One tear slipped past my defenses, "I don't know."

Jacob's arms were around me before I could react, squeezing me just enough to convey some comfort, "He's a bad-ass, Sam. I have faith that he will pull through, so should you."

My arms went around his neck as I sniffled into his shoulder, "I will work on that." A few moments of quiet calm and I slowly pulled away, smiling gratefully at Jacob as he gave me a nod and I turned to head back to the med bay.

Upon entering, I saw John sitting up, albeit battered and bruised, but it made me smile, "Thank God."

He barely looked up at me before glaring back down at the floor, "He had nothing to do with anything that just happened." His voice was a whisper and a growl at the same time, anger in every syllable.

I was taken aback, but held my facade as I approached him, "What happened?" Waiting for a response, I got close enough to put a hand on his arm, slowly caressing it with my thumb.

He gently shrugged my hand away and shook his head, "Not now," and turned to face the AI Core. My heart jumped up into my throat as my mind raced, Is he still upset that I left? Maybe that I didn't respond when he told me he loved me? Is there something else? Shit Sam, you really are an asshole!

His voice brokered no argument, so I swallowed my heart back down and nodded, "Okay… I'll.. I'll go." Slowly I backed away, watching for a change in body language that would maybe tell me to stay, but there was none. He just sat there, frozen in whatever mindset he had worked his way into and completely destroying any hope I had of reconciling. Turning to Doc, she just gave me a sad nod, as if I should accept his wishes and leave. Part of me bristled, wanting to yell at him for pushing me away, but then another part of me slapped that part back into its place. He saved you, but it changes nothing. Get over yourself, that's just who he is. A fantastic soldier who saves lives. Even your sorry ass.

As I exited the med bay, my instincts told me to grab some supplies and ask Joker to drop me off on Omega so I could book passage from there. Then I remembered the fact that I couldn't leave the ship without Cerberus hunting me down, so that was out. Deciding to let that go for the moment, I decided to just leave him to his own devices. I was safe on the Normandy, for as long as I was allowed to stay, so addressing the elephant in the room could wait. I would just avoid Shepard like the plague in the meantime, until he decided what to do with me. It was, very obviously, what he wanted, and no matter his reasons, the last thing I wanted to do was to cause him any more grief. I felt like I had done enough of that in the last few months. Glancing at Port Observation, I sighed.

There's no place like home.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day, Doc stopped by to let Kass and I know that, not only would John be released later that day, but Admiral Hackett himself would be boarding to go over the last mission with him. He had also expressed interest in speaking with me privately, so I would be invited onto the SSV Kilimanjaro for a short visit. As excited as I was about seeing my nephew face to face, I was dreading leaving the Normandy, as if it would disappear the moment my feet touched the other vessel's platform. It would be what I deserve, after all the trouble I've caused. John still isn't speaking to me, probably never will again.

After Karen left, Kass turned to me and smiled wide, "So you get to spend some quality time with the fam, that sounds… fun?" Cocking an eyebrow at me, she realized I was less than thrilled. "Did I miss something again? I thought you would be happy to see Hack?"

Almost amused enough with her nickname for Steven to smile, I quirked one corner of my lips at her and sighed, "Yeah, the perfect opportunity for Shepard to get rid of me for good." I turned toward the window as I slumped down onto the edge of my bed, outwardly pouting.

Her sigh was very dramatic, "Sammy, no one wants to get rid of you."

I turned back to face her, scowling and practically spitting venom, "Bull shit. You didn't see the look on his face. He wanted me gone, away from him, and it was abundantly clear. Even Doc was shocked." I shook my head as I looked back at the window, "It's best I leave before I do more damage." Those words finally having been spoken, a tear rolled down my cheek. "I've done enough."

A punch in the arm was my answer, "Samantha, don't you dare give up on him now, when he needs you the most." Kasumi's scowl put mine to shame, "He may not know it and he may not like it, but whatever he went through, he needs you."

Calming down a little, I slowly shook my head, "He kicked me out of the med bay, won't answer me on comms, what am I supposed to do? Camp outside his quarters singing love songs until he opens the door?"

She gave me the wickedest smile I had seen on her yet, "That is exactly what you do."