…The Disillusioned Of Winter…
/Warning/: This chapter contains, sadness and angst, mention of abortion, a little bit of violence, misunderstanding, a little bit of fluff, confused Steve and there is a kiss! All reviews are appreciated.
P.S: This is an Omegaverse story as in Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics; it also deals with the standard Winter Soldier's warnings, with that be careful and enjoy!
"Character talking"
"Character thinking"
…Flashbacks…
Chapter 6
The next time Winter woke up (He wished he never did) his body hurt, his mind hurt, and his heart felt like it was stabbed with a knife repeatedly and was left bleeding heavily. Winter can only squeeze his eyes shut, refusing to open them ever since his consciousness returned back, not wanting to remember the horrible dream (Memories?) he saw last night; not wanting to be reminded of the horrible things the original owner of this body did. Bucky Barnes… just remembering that name made Winter hold a snarl, his lips pulling back to show teeth that wanted to sink in that horrible Omega's neck and pull until he was drenched in blood and that wretch Omega was no more.
Bucky Barnes… the monster that destroyed everything; the Omega that took from Winter what he longed for and wished for… the Omega that took away his Handler and baby from him; the Omega that left him for pain and suffering… Bucky Barnes; the cursed name Winter was shackled with because the Omega was the original owner of this useless body.
Bucky Barnes did not only take the baby in his womb and kill it, but he made sure that Winter's womb would be poisonous to any other child that will come after. Bucky Barnes did not only take Handler Rogers and push him away, forcing him to fake his death, but he was also the reason for Winter's suffering and the reason that Hydra enslaved him for many years as their puppet.
Useless…
Not functional…
Disobedient…
Not a suitable breeding stock…
Unwanted…
Soldier…
Bitch…
Whore…
Bucky Barnes turned him to this… Bucky Barnes turned him to this! It was no wonder that Handler Rogers doesn't want anything to do with him, no wonder the Alpha wanted to put him down! Bucky Barnes betrayed his Handler and went against his order; Bucky Barnes killed Handler Rogers's baby and joined the war even when Handler Rogers's said no… Bucky Barnes… why did Hydra choose Bucky Barnes's body for the Winter Soldier's experiment? Why did they shackle him with this useless body that does nothing well and always disobeys? Why was Winter shackled with a body that never once gave him what he desired the most? Body too weak to run away from Hydra… Too poisonous to carry pups… too scared and muscular that disgust most Alphas and Betas making them turn away in grimace… body… a body that made Handler Rogers want to put him down because he outlived his usefulness…
Tears burned Winter's eyes, and the asset had to bury his face in the pillow under him, hoping that he will manage to choke himself enough to either lose consciousness or die… not fair… not fair, not fair, not fair, so not fair! Why does Winter have to suffer instead of Bucky Barnes? Why does Winter need to carry Bucky Barnes's sins on top of his? Why does Winter have to suffer handler Rogers hating him because of Bucky Barnes killing their baby? Why? Why? Why?!
A sob left Winter's throat, followed by another, and another, and another, until Winter was wailing and screaming, ignoring the crashing coming from outside the room, ignoring the strange pang he felt in his heart and how his voice cracked as he screamed 'Not Fair' over and over again, shouting and cursing and hoping that Bucky Barnes was never born into this world; because if that wretched Omega wasn't born, that Hydra wouldn't have chosen him, and if they didn't choose him, then they wouldn't have downloaded the asset's program into him, and if they didn't make Bucky Barnes the asset, then Winter wouldn't be suffering all these years.
He hates him! He hates him! He wanted him dead and suffering! But the problem is that Barnes was already dead for fifty years now, leaving Winter to take the pain and suffering that was meant for him; leaving Winter to cry himself to sleep without his handlers knowledge after every time he felt his body reject another baby… leaving Winter to rot in the cold and freeze over while he escapes to wherever cowards like him go to after death.
"Winter…" A soft voice called, and Winter couldn't help but whine and curl himself in a tight ball, hoping that he will become small enough that Handler Rogers will not see him… hoping his handler would just ignore him… "Sweetheart… can I come closer?" The Alpha crooned gently, his words did nothing but achieve another series of sobs to leave Winter. Not a sweetheart, not a sweetheart, not a sweetheart! Monster, monster, he was nothing but a useless monster that Bucky Barnes created, nothing but a monster, a monster that killed their baby! "I am coming closer, sweetheart…" Handler Rogers said, but even then, didn't do anything other than curling more tightly around himself, wishing that the Alpha would just leave him alone until he managed to gather himself enough not to be a liability.
Winter's breath hitched when he felt the bed behind him dipping a little bit with the weight of his handler, and he closed his eyes tightly, trying to ignore the warm hand on his shoulder as his handler sat behind him; purring gently to calm him while letting out comforting scent, causing Winter's tight muscles to uncoil. Seconds turned to minutes, and minutes turned fifteen, turned to 30, turned to hours, and by the end of the ordeal, Winter doesn't know how much time he and his handler spent in bed until he was calm down, and the pain tearing him apart lessened.
"Are you calm now, sweetheart?" Handler Rogers asked suddenly, his hand gently running over Winter's flesh shoulder and arm, causing the asset, to shiver and let out a shuddering sigh at the gentle feeling his handler was offering him (He shouldn't! Handler Rogers should not comfort him, he should not be kind and caring and understanding; Handler Rogers should hit Winter and humiliate him, he should punish him for what Bucky Barnes did, not try and comfort him and elevate all of his worries) The question his handler asked only made Winter blink his eyes and shrug the shoulder his handler was gently caressing, not knowing if he was calm because of his handler being near or it was because all the energy and fire left Winter's body, leaving him like a puppet with its strings cut. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Handler Rogers asked once more after a period of silence, his question stilling Winter this time as he gazed at his metal hand with a blank look; how was Winter going to answer his Handler's question without breaking down into another crying and hysteric mess? Talk about it? How was Winter going to talk about Bucky Barnes killing Handler Rogers's baby and then his handler leaving him for Hydra because of Bucky Barnes's mistake and selfishness?
Winter opened his mouth to say something before he closes it, only to open it a few more times with the same result; he wanted to talk with his handler and tell him what he dreamed (Remembered?) hoping that Handler Rogers will find a way for him to forget. "Do you… do you hate me?" Winter ended up asking that question instead, his eyes tracing down the metal arm that took countless and countless lives, and Winter sower if he closed his eyes he can feel the blood cooling the metal and crusting over it.
"No, sweetheart, I will never hate you." Handler Rogers whispered, his words causing Winter to sniffle, closing his eyes tightly once more as he tried to calm himself. Liar! Liar, liar, liar, liar! Winter wanted to scream and thrash and push his handler away as he screamed this word, but he took a deep breath and opened his eyes… Status: Not Functional; Emotional Compromised. Not Functional; Illogical Lines Of Thoughts. Not Functional; Reinitiate The Original Protocol... Not Functional… Failure…
"You won't hate me? Even if… even if Bucky Barnes killed your baby and let you die?" The words left Winter's lips without his permission, causing his eyes to widen in shock and for him to still, especially when he heard the harsh intake of breath that Handler Rogers let out behind him; Winter swallowed and balled his hands into tight fists when he felt Handler Rogers's hand still on his shoulder, its weight crushing him and stilling Winter in his place.
"You… you remember?" Handler Rogers's said after a long while of silence, his voice cracked at the words he whispered were, his hand shaking as it still on Winter's shoulder. "How… how much do you remember?" His handler whispered… pleaded… and Winter blinked and turned around to gaze at his handler, he couldn't help but notice the tears clouding the Alpha's eyes as he gazed at Winter with a wide and hopeful look.
"Yes… enough…" Winter's voice cracked as he confess his dark secret, a secret that would have sent him to the chair after getting beaten… enough… Winter remembered enough to know the real reason why Handler Rogers hated him, he know enough to realize why he would never be able to have any pup; Winter know enough to understand that the fire burning his heart will never be put down unless he killed Bucky Barnes for all the pain and suffering he caused Winter… he knows enough to know the only way to get rid of the parasite that was Bucky Barnes was to kill himself, and maybe that's why he is reckless by disclosing this information.
"Oh…" Handler Rogers's voice broke as a sob left him, and Winter could only gaze at the Alpha with trembling lips, waiting for what the Alpha was going to do, hoping that the Alpha would punish him so Winter can forget; Winter wanted Handler Rogers to take him to the chair so he can forget about all of this, he wanted to forget! "Bucky…" Handler Rogers whispered, causing Winter to still be in his place and for a snarl to pull over his lips.
"No!" Winter screamed, pushing his handler away, glaring at the Alpha with rage clouding his eyes as a hiss left his lips, ignoring the shock that colored the Alpha's face. "Winter, my name is Winter, it is Winter! Not Bucky, it's Winter!" Winter hissed, his hands tightening on his handler's shoulders as he glared at the Alpha, shaking and hissing as a part of his plea with the man to forget about Bucky.
"I… but I… you said you remembered…" Handler Rogers whispered, causing Winter's lips to tremble and for his hands to grip the Alpha's shoulders. Cruel, cruel, cruel, cruel, his handler was so cruel! Why can't he forget about Bucky Barnes? Why can't he stop looking at him like Winter just murdered Bucky Barnes when it's the other way around?
"I… I don't want to be Bucky Barnes…" Winter whispered, his metal hand tightening dangerously on the Alpha's shoulder, and he ignored the wince on the man's face. "I don't want to be the one who killed my baby and prevented me from having pups anymore; I don't want to be the one who killed you and trapped me in Hydra's clutch… I don't want to be him; I don't want to be Bucky Barnes. I… hate him… please… don't make me be him…" Winter plea, tears that he finally reined started falling down his cheeks once more, and with that he let go of his handler while wiping his tears with his fists, cursing himself for being so emotionally compromised that he started to lose control.
"Oh… I see…" Handler Rogers said after a while of suffocating silence, causing Winter to tremble and hide his face behind his hands. "I… I am sorry, Winter… so sorry… I won't call you by that name anymore…" Handler Rogers said which only gained a sob from Winter who curled around himself while giving his back to the Alpha…
Winter really wished that Bucky Barnes didn't exist…
I don't want to be Bucky Barnes…
I don't want to be the one who killed my baby…
I don't want to be the one who trapped me in Hydra's clutch…
I hate him…
Winter, my name is Winter!
These words repeated over and over again in Steve's head, pounding in his ears and burrowing down in his bones; choking him until he was left blue and breathless with no oxygen to save him from suffocation. Sitting on the front porch stairs, Steve gazed at the white snow that covered everything, his mind occupied and dazed, leaving him gazing at the snow and lake in front of him without taking anything in, leaving him suspended in time as his mind tried to rehabilitate and make sense of what Bucky told him… Winter, my name is Winter, not Bucky, it's Winter!
Bucky… Winter… Bucky… Winter (But aren't they the same person?) said he remembered, he said he remembered and that he was Bucky… (But he also said he hated Bucky and that this was Bucky's body but not consciousness)… how can someone remember who they are and still talk about themselves like they were strangers?
Just like you, isn't it funny?
Part of Steve's consciousness replied, causing a shuddered breath to leave the Alpha as he continued to gaze at the snow, ignoring the cold and biting winds nipping at his exposed skin and borrowing into his bones. Winter (Bucky?) said he remembered… how much does he remember? He already remembered their baby, he already remembered that somehow Steve died (Temporarily) he seemed to remember bits and pieces, but does he remember the important bits? Does he remember that Steve and he were mates? Does he remember the harsh winters they spent with Steve either sick or dying and Bucky fluttering around and working hard to bring enough money for meds and food? Does he remember the hot summers they spent on the roof of their apartment building, gazing at the stars and exchanging loving glances? Does he remember the fallout between them and how Steve pushed him away and run out of their apartment, sick and delusional, tears clouding his eyes as he marched to his death? What does Bucky (Winter?) remember?
Winter, my name is Winter!
I hate him!
Hate him!
Don't want to be him…
Killed my baby…
Trapped me…
It is Winter!
Steve breathed out, his eyes tracing the cloud of white leaving his mouth, watching until it disappeared before he breathed once more, his eyes tracing the white again, and again, and again, until his mind emptied a little and his head didn't feel like it was about to be split open. Winter… Bucky… Winter… Bucky… which one was the Omega crying inside the cabin? Was he Bucky who Steve lost over seventy years ago and didn't manage to get back? Or was he the person hardened by torture that Hydra chewed and spate out? Or was he someone else completely that Steve bonded himself to because he named and took care of him? or was it a combination of the three?
But he remembers…
Winter…
He knows…
My name is Winter…
He is Bucky, but he hates being called Bucky…
I hate him…
Are they the same person or are they different?
Killed my baby…
Is this some type of identity disorder?
Trapped me…
What is Steve to do?
It is Winter!
Steve is so confused, he never felt this helpless and stranded even when he had to dig himself out of his own grave; he never felt this helpless and confused even when he learned what he became. What is Steve to do now? what is he to think? Bucky is Winter, and Winter is Bucky, but Bucky has disappeared somewhere in the back of his broken mind and left behind a husk of a person in his place that was Winter; Winter despised Bucky for being the reason (In his mind) that their baby died and think that Hydra trapped him because of Bucky. Two sides of the same coin, but one was nothing but a ghost and the other was a vengeful spirit who wanted nothing but to kill that ghost. Or at least that's what Steve thinks the problem is…
"Steve, what are you doing here?" A voice called out, causing Steve to snap out of the dark spiral he was heading to and turn his head to the side, to see who the person who called out to him…was Sam… Steve's mind supply when his eyes fell on the Beta who got out of his car (Since when did Sam get here? Steve never notice with how distracted he was)
"Sam, I didn't think you will come here so soon," Steve called back as he stood up; stretching a bit as he tried to expel the cold and ice that stilled into his bones. After warming out a little, Steve gave his friend a tired smile as he walked toward Sam, getting the same tired smile from the Beta.
"Yeah, well, it wasn't that hot the past few weeks," Sam said as Steve stood in front of him, causing the Beta to pause and look at the tired look and pain eyes Steve was sporting. "You don't seem hot either… did something happen?" Sam asked gently, causing Steve to pause for a little bit, opening and closing his mouth several times before he let out a sigh and shook his head 'No'. "I see… Well, I came here to inform you that Shuri came." Sam said after a while of staring at Steve, his words making Steve rub his forehead and nod his head.
"Good… that's good…" Steve mumbled as he turned his head to glance at his cabin before turning back to Sam. "When should I bring Winter to her?" Steve asked. His words made Sam narrow his eyes as he gazed at the Alpha, obviously noticing something amiss, but not pointing it out… for now.
"Now?" Sam said hesitantly, causing Steve to tilt his head in confusion before looking at his cabin once more, wondering if he should wake Winter up and taking him to see Shuri about the metal arm since the Omega's shoulder was getting stiff and bothersome to Winter, not only that but it was getting swollen and heated that even the medicine Sam gave him worked (Steve can see the pain and annoyance, even when Bucky (Winter?) refuse to acknowledge it) "Shuri found a way to remove the metal arm, Steve…" Sam suddenly said getting Steve's attention as the Alpha whirled to gaze at the Beta with wide eyes, wondering how Shuri managed to do that when Steve didn't even bring Winter for a checkup or tell her about Bucky being here. "… You can say that Dottie managed to gather a few files on the Winter Soldier project…" Sam said after a long while of silence, causing Steve to stiffen and tense as he gazed at Sam with a sharp look.
"Files? Why did no one tell me about the files?" Steve hissed, his words causing Sam to shift in his place and look to the side with an uncomfortable look on his face. "Sam, why didn't you tell me about the files?" Steve asked, this time gently, for he can see how restless and shifty Sam was becoming.
"Because… because I don't think you will survive what's hidden in those files…" Sam finally admit, his words causing Steve to still, and for his breath to hitch; for a second, Steve thought he world stopped moving and everything with him just stopped before it was back full force with the snow falling and the wind slapping his face, freezing it. What's written in the files? Steve wanted to ask, what kind of nightmare there was that Steve won't survive? Bucky (Winter) survived the nightmare existing on those pieces of paper, so why does Sam think he won't? Why does everyone hide something from him, or think he won't manage to handle it? Why do they think he was so weak and unstable that reading the information about what happened to his mate would finish him?
Steve never felt this lost and confused before…
Winter shivered as he curled around himself tightly pulling the blankets around him as he gazed at the far wall from his spot on the bed; his mind blank and eyes puffy and red from crying and throwing his tantrum earlier. Part of Winter was screaming and shrieking, shouting out loud that he was 'Winter, not Bucky Barnes, it's Winter!' over and over again, letting out shouts of rage every time he remembered his handler calling him 'Bucky'; the other part, the scared part, was silent, shivering and whimpering as it waits for his handler's reckoning for the scene he made hours and hours ago.
Status: Hypersensitive… Emotionally Compromise… Not Stable… Not Suitable… Not Functional…
Idiot, idiot; idiot! You should have kept your mouth shut... those were the words that kept being whispered in his ears as he waited for what's to take place; Winter waited patiently for his handler to come back and get rid of Winter for good, because even the asset knows that he was getting out of control day after day, after day… why can't his handler see? Why can't Handler Rogers see? Winter was fit, he was the best at fighting and killing and following protocols and orders; if Winter was put down on the shelf and made to abandon even one of his protocols and orders, this is what would happen! The asset would be useless, he would be compromised; he would be an emotional mess with no rational thoughts.
Handler Rogers names him, he bonded himself to Winter by giving him that name! it meant that his handler has no right to call him by an old terminated program that so defaulted and useless; Handler Rogers has no right to call him by the name of the… thing… that made his life with Hydra a living hell.
He killed my baby…
He killed my baby…
He killed my baby and Handler…
He forced Handler Rogers to leave…
He forced me to go to war…
He trapped me with Hydra…
He trapped me in this hell…
Not Suitable… Not Suitable… Not Suitable!
He killed all my pups!
All of them… all of them!
"My name is Winter…" Winter mumbled to himself if only to hear a voice inside the silent room other than the howling of the winds outside; sniffling, Winter shuffled until he was sitting and pulling the blankets around him and cocoons himself as he gazed around the room in a daze, hoping to find something that will busy him enough until his handler get back.
The noises outside the room, made Winter raise his head, and his heart jumped to his throat when he heard unfamiliar (Familiar?) voices mixed with Handler Rogers's smooth rumble. Oh… that was the only thing that left Winter's lips as he gazed at the wooden door separating him from his handler… He is getting rid of you; he called Hydra back to take you… he is putting you down… a nasty voice hissed in his ear, snarling and hissing as the asset sat still as stone, not moving an inch from the place he was in.
He should run… a whimper left Winter as he gazed at the door, wondering when will it open and hundreds of agents are going to trap him and take him back to The Chair… he should run, and run fast!... now the whisper became a shriek inside Winter's head, and Winter tried his best to swallow the nausea that raised up in his throat. Swallowing harshly, Winter closed his eyes tightly as he breathes deeply, standing up on shaky legs as he tried to straighten himself; the asset is the asset, he is a tool, a weapon, he is a… he… it?
The door opened and Handler Rogers entered the room, a surprised look on his face when he saw Winter standing; the surprised look vanished and a tired smile cross over the Alpha's lips as he came toward Winter, causing the asset to swallow tightly and still himself… he is not running away, he is tired, tired; tired, and he wanted to be put down and this was his chance…
"You are awake…" Handler Rogers whispered gently, raising his hand like he wanted to touch him before he pulled it back, leaving Winter still in his place as he trace every movement the Alpha did with an expressionless face. "Shuri arrived…" Handler Rogers said after a while of awkward silence; the familiar (Not familiar) name made Winter tilt his head to the side in confusion, wondering when was it that he heard that name. "…She will be able to help you with the... Winter… you won't feel pain anymore." Handler Rogers said, and Winter had to blink several times when he realized that he was so focused trying to remember that he missed the rest of his handler's explanation, which made panic size him.
"OK…" Winter could only whisper back, the last part of his handler's speech explained it all, and caused his hands to shake; his handler doesn't need to say anything anymore, he was getting rid of Winter, he was getting rid of the asset that was useless to him… and saying you won't feel pain anymore is another way to saying you are going to die, because only dead people don't feel.
"Everything is going to be fine, Winter…" Handler Rogers suddenly said as he raised his hand, putting it on Winter's shoulder as to reassure him; but Winter wasn't feeling reassured at all, he just felt the threatening weight of the hand on his flesh shoulder as it threatened him with the death looming over his head… part of Winter couldn't help but whimper and cry, if only he didn't lose it and throw his tantrum in the morning, this wouldn't have happened. Another part the angry one could only snarl and curse, because this was all Bucky Barnes's fault, if that wretch and poisonous Omega didn't exist then Winter wouldn't be put in this place right now.
Winter doesn't remember much after that, he only remembered soft clothes encasing him, smelling like Handler Rogers, which both made him content (For the Alpha to share his clothes with him as if they were mates) and heartbroken (Because not an hour or so he will be terminated, all because Bucky Barnes who even after death did nothing but ruin Winter's life) he vaguely remembered his handler guiding him outside where he saw Dr. Wilson (The one who treated his wounds and gave him his evaluation) and the three of them getting into the vehicle that would take Winter to his doom. All the while Dr. Wilson was chatting and talking, saying whatever comes to mind as he tried to dissolve the awkward silence Winter and Handler Rogers were experiencing; not that Winter was paying attention, especially when he was busy taking in the sight of the snow-covered ground, the trees, the evergreens, and the world outside, itching it in his mind for the last time before he was terminated completely, just like the rest of the Winter Soldiers that were useless before him.
It took time before they reached one of Hydra's Quinjets (Or that what Winter thought of when he was led to a strange Quinjet in the middle of nowhere) and by then, Winter was too numb and drained to put a fight or plea with his handler to reconsider… Winter didn't even have a chance to convince his handler that he can be more than just a weapon… Bucky Barnes's fault, it was Bucky Barnes's fault! If only that bitch stayed at home like he should have, if only he listened to Handler Rogers, if only he didn't get rid of the baby… it as all Bucky Barnes's fault!... screamed an enrage part of him, cursing and shrieking and blaming the body that Winter occupy.
Why was Winter always being punished for Bucky Barnes's mistakes?
"It's OK, Winter, everything is going to be alright; I am here, I won't leave you alone." Handler Rogers said as he came to put his hand on Winter's back, running it gently over the asset's back which got him a nod. So his handler was going to be there when they put him down… he was going to be there when they force him into the chair for hours before ending it with a bullet between his eyes… he was going to be there when the scientists scoop his inside playing with everything they find and harvest whatever they find useful to them… the thought shouldn't be as comforting as it made Winter feel, but maybe it was the thought of his handler being there and seeing the result of his decision is what made Winter relax and walk beside his handler and Dr. Wilson. If Handler Rogers was there when they put him in the chair, if he was there when they shoot the bullet between his eyes, if he was there when they cut him open and played with his insides… it meant his handler cared about him enough to stay and see the result of his work, and Winter… Winter was going to try and do his best not to shame his handler in front of everyone; this was the way Winter decided to show his devotion for his handler, even when the Alpha never seemed to choose him over Bucky Barnes…
"Yo! You finally showed your face, and to think that I came all the way from Wakanda to hear you are on your honeymoon!" Someone called out, causing Winter to still be in his place and look around, only for his sight to fall on a female Alpha (A kid? Teen? Young woman? She was so young) Leaving the Quinjet with a file in her in one of her hands while waving the other, causing Winter to blink his eyes in confusion, was this some type of a sign or something? "…Oh, so this is him… right?" The Alpha asked when her eyes fell on Winter, causing the asset to still be in his place and study the woman, not wanting to make any mistake and embarrass his handler in front of his subordinates.
"Yes, he is… Shuri this is Winter, Winter this is Shuri; she will be the one who will help you with the metal arm." Handler Rogers said, causing Winter to swallow and nod his head, trying not to whine and run away from here, forcing his legs to still in their place as he gazed over the female Alpha that no doubt was one of the scientists, the one who will disengage the metal arm to subdue him enough for the rest to work.
"Winter…? Uh... ah! Very nice to meet you, I am Shuri…" The Alpha said as she came to shake Winter's hand, but the asset only flinch and nearly took a step back if it wasn't for his handler keeping a grounding hand on his back. "I… uh… I'm sorry…" Shuri said, causing Winter to swallow the sickness he was feeling down, not five seconds of meeting, and Winter already messed up and embarrassed his handler. "Anyway… let's go inside, shall we?" Shuri pointed to the jet with a nervous smile as she led everyone inside.
What Winter expected to be a cramped space for transportation, turned out to be a fully equipped lab that was spacious enough to look like it will fit Handler Rogers's cabin inside; how did that even happen? The jet didn't even look quarter this size on the outside, was it a new cloaking technique? "Winter? Are you listening?" Handler Rogers whispered causing Winter's eyes to widen and for his breath to hitch (He is losing time, why is he losing time? What's happening? Was the thought of death so scary that Winter started to lose his sanity?) But he nodded his head, looking at his feet and not raising his head up.
"…So after hearing what we are planning, what do you think? Do you think you can do it?" Dr. Shuri (Or should Winter call her without her title because she didn't tell him to use it) said, causing Winter to bite the inside of his cheek hard to trap the snarls, screams, and nasty words from escaping him… how can everyone here act so… so… so cruel? They are about to put him down for good, they are about to terminate him, and they still had the gall to ask about what he thinks?
I don't want to die… I want to go home with Handler Rogers… I wish Bucky Barnes will just disappear… can you just fix me and send me back with Handler Rogers? I will even endure The Chair! Please, I don't want to die… is what Winter wanted to say, instead, he just swallowed roughly and nodded. "I… I can do it… I… I… Ready…" 'Ready to Comply' that's what Winter wanted to say but he swallowed it in the last second… he knew Handler Rogers hates it when he said things like this so Winter would not burden his Handler in his last minutes of life.
"Oh, sweetie, I know it looks scary, but everything is going to be fine and you will be sleeping through the procedure!" Dr. Shuri said, causing Winter to hold whatever nasty curse he wanted to throw at her; there was nothing fine about what's going to take place, there was nothing fine with the fake reassurance. If Winter can have it his way, he wanted to stay awake during the procedure, so that he can stay with Handler Rogers a little bit longer.
They lead him to a part of the lab and Winter was forced to sit on a chair while scientists buzzed around him and checked his vitals. They made him take off his shirt and show the metal arm while doing tests on it and taking X-rays, and he got so many dark looks when the scientists noticed how red and hot the skin around the metal was. They took blood vial after blood vial to do tests… many tests as they can because of his enhancement… it took a long time before everything was done; they started around yesterday's noon and finished today at sunset. It wasn't like Winter didn't appreciate the extra time he was given with his handler; it wasn't that Winter didn't appreciate his Handler staying by his side throughout the check-ups and tests, never leaving his side unless it was to talk with Dr. Wilson and Shuri, even going as far as to snap at Dr. Wilson when the man told Handler Rogers to leave Winter alone and go home… it wasn't that Winter didn't appreciate all of this, but he would have liked if they got rid of him the first time they saw him, at least then he wouldn't suffer silently like this.
"Well, all the tests are finished, and from what we gathered; Winter needs to remove the metal arm as soon as possible… preferably now…" Dr. Shuri said before Winter toned her out, focusing on Handler Rogers and how pale the man's face was becoming as Dr. Shuri continued. 'Attached to his spine…' 'Pumping chemical substances…' '…Illegal Suppressants…' '…Poison... timed... release within 4 months from his last checkup…' and she said many more things but Winter was too busy itching his handler's face to his memories, hoping that wherever he will end after death, he will always remember Handler Rogers (Winter felt like Handler Rogers was important to him, the most important person...) "At the moment, I won't manage to remove the stem attached to his spine, too much risk for me to do outside of Wakanda; but I can manage to take out the main part attached to his shoulder and the arm with it. To do that, I need to put Winter under general anesthesia to stop the sensories installed in the arm from harming and overstimulating Winter… what do you think Winter?" It was his name that made Winter blink out of his staring and turn toward Dr. Shuri, who looked too tired and haggard as she looked at him. "It would be a simple operation, it would take around three hours or so, depending on how much we can proceed today… what do you think?" The Alpha asked, causing Winter to shrug his shoulders, he doesn't really care about how long they will postpone his suffering, even if it meant removing the metal arm before killing him what matters, in the end, is that he is going to die in the end.
"I don't mind doing it now…" Winter said, suddenly feeling very tired and numb, suddenly wanting everything to be over with and for him to be terminated… suddenly a thought crossed his mind that if he is to be terminated then Bucky Barnes's body would die without the support system that Winter was providing… the body would die and Bucky Barnes would die without Winter, and if Bucky Barnes died than Handler Rogers will never choose the Omega over Winter… that thought made Winter still and a small smile crossed over his face and for the first time he felt victory coursing through him… if Bucky Barnes died then Handler Rogers won't choose him and he will regret terminating Winter… if only Bucky Barnes died when he fell from that train like how his Handler Pierce told him, then Winter wouldn't be competing with a ghost for Handler Rogers's acceptant and affection.
"Are you sure, Winter?" Handler Rogers asked, to which Winter nodded his head, gaining a strained smile from his handler. "I… I will be there, OK? I won't leave you." Handler Rogers assured, gaining another nod from Winter who stood up when Dr. Shuri called out to him to go with another scientist and get ready.
Winter paused halfway through the lab before backtracking, going toward his handler, causing the man to let out a confused noise when he pulled him by the front of his jacket; the Alpha made an unrecognizable noise when Winter locked his lips with his handler, pushing a little roughly before pulling back and rushed toward the scientist that was waiting, ignoring the laughter Dr. Shuri let out and the shocked 'OH's that Dr. Wilson was letting out as he looked between Winter and shell-shocked handler.
It was the first time that Winter did something like that… locking lips with someone… (Kissing, he remembered handler Rogers saying) it was the first time he did something impulsive as that, but if Winter was going to be put down, he at least wanted to know what it was like to have that kind of affection reserved for life-long mates… just this once, Winter wanted to feel superior over Bucky Barnes and hurt the Omega just like he did Winter. What Winter didn't count on was how his heart beats loudly in his chest like it was about to jump out of its cage; what he didn't count on was how warm he was feeling, especially his face, and how his flesh hand was all sweaty, and how his stomach was flipping inside his abdominal cavity…
Suddenly Winter didn't feel that afraid anymore…
So what do you think?
I don't even know what to say about this chapter, just that it wrote itself by itself.
Poor, poor Winter! Thinking that he was about to die T^T
And confused Steve who can't make a sense of what's going on! That's one recipe for a disaster.
Read and Review
And tell me what you think…
Nazaki-Sama