…The Disillusioned Of Winter…
/Warning/: This chapter contains, sadness and angst, a little bit of violence, a little bit of fluff, sad Steve, and sad Winter! All reviews are appreciated.
P.S: This is an Omegaverse story as in Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics; it also deals with the standard Winter Soldier's warnings, with that be careful and enjoy!
"Character talking"
"Character thinking"
…Flashbacks…
Chapter 7
Winter doesn't remember much after they prepare him for his 'Surgery', the only thing that Winter managed to remember was his handler coming to stand beside him and hold his hand as they drugged him. Winter was grateful for that; if anything, it made him calm down as his eyelids lowered and his consciousness left him; Handler Rogers was with him, his handler was going to be there when they put him down, and for that, Winter was grateful.
So Winter closed his eyes, being sure that this would be the last time he opened them and gaze at the world; Handler Rogers's gentle hold of his flesh hand grounded him and calmed him down enough to slip faster into unconsciousness. Winter was going to be put down… he was going to die after losing once more to Bucky Barnes, and Winter had accepted that; accepted that no matter what, he was always going to come second to the Omega who destroyed his life…
Imagine Winter's surprise and confusion when he opened his eyes once more. Confused and groggy, Winter looked around the room he was in, trying to make sense of what was going on, thinking that he was dreaming or that this is what everyone called the 'Afterlife'. A noise coming from his right made Winter turn his head, heart pounding when his eyes fell on his handler entering the room with a mug of something hot in one hand while the other holding a glass of water.
A choked noise left him then, and tears started clouding his vision when his sight fell on his handler, wondering if his mind was failing him like it always does or this was something else. "Winter? Why are you crying? Are you hurt? Is something wrong?" Winter managed to hear his handler's concerned words, but he couldn't answer him, not when he was busy sobbing, trying to stop the tears that clouded his eyes and started sliding down his face. "Sweetheart, what's wrong? Please, tell me…" Handler Rogers asked, and Winter felt a gentle hand running through his hair as his handler crooned, trying to calm Winter.
Winter doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know how to react, or what to think other than letting everything out by crying… he was supposed to be put down; he was supposed to die… Winter was sure he was going to die, so why was he here? Why was he alive? Did… did Handler Rogers changed his mind? Did Winter… did Winter change his handler's mind after he kissed him? "I… I…" Winter choked, his sobs are loud and tears refused to stop or slow down.
"It's OK; sweetheart. It's OK; I am here, so please don't cry." His handler shushed him gently, wiping the tears away from Winter's eyes, which succeeded in gaining a shuddered breath from the asset as more tears slide down his face. "Breath with me, come on sweetheart, breath; breath in… now breath out… that's it, sweetheart, that's it." Handler Rogers crooned, ordering Winter to breathe with him; to Winter's surprise, he ended up calming down after a while, his tears stopped and the sobs wracked his chest subside, leaving Winter tired and twitchy at such a display of emotions. "Are you calm enough, sweetheart?" Handler Rogers asked, and Winter could only blink at the question, his sluggish mind taking a while to asset the question; when it did, Winter blinked some more as he tried to analyze his emotional state, cursing himself for being so haste and so dysfunctional that he started to break down in front of his Handler. It took time, but Winter finally managed to gather himself enough to give his handler a nod, informing the man that he was calm enough to proceed with the questioning his handler no doubt planned. "OK… can you tell me if there is something wrong? Are you hurt? Why were you crying, sweetheart?" Handler Rogers's voice was calm and gentle as he asked these questions, and Winter tilted his head, his eyes were wide when he finally realized that Handler Rogers had been calling him 'Sweetheart' since the start of his breakdown.
'Not a sweetheart!' Winter wanted to scream, he wanted to snap and cry and hiss; but the way Handler Rogers looked at him… so gentle, so loving; concerned and worried… made Winter close his mouth and gaze at his handler for a long time before daring to open his mouth. "Y… you… you are not…" 'You are not putting me down?' Winter wanted to ask, but in the end, his words trailed off as he felt his handler's gentle hand running through his hair, trying to calm him. "No… n-nothing hurts…" Winter ended up saying instead, not wanting his handler to think that Winter would fight if he pointed out what his handler was about to do… but what was his handler doing? Did he really want to put Winter down or what? If his handler wanted to put him down, then he should have done it when Winter was unconscious, not being able to fight or beg his handler for a different outcome.
"Good… that's good." Handler Rogers whispered gazing at Winter before he helped him sit up slowly to give him the glass of water, which Winter took gratefully and start drinking before he noticed that he was leaning dangerously at his right side… Status: Center Of Balance Has Shifted… That made Winter's breath hitch and he turn his sight to his left side before he stilled in his place when he saw that his metal arm was absent. Horrified, a scream was trapped in his throat as he gazed at the place that his metal arm should be attached to his body, only to see nothing… nothing! No metal arm, no wires, no nothing! Only the scared flesh of his shoulder being covered by what's left of the metal arm.
Winter couldn't help but feel faint at the sight before him, he couldn't help feeling sick at the thought of him being defenseless; like this, Winter was nothing but a liability, not only to his handler but to himself! his only protection against the world (Hydra) was taken away! It was taken away! "M-my… a-arm…" Winter choked out, turning to his handler, his breath hitching, and his flesh hand was shaking… his arm was taken away from him!
"I know, sweetheart, I know…" Handler Rogers whispered gently, wiping his tears once more, letting out a calming scent as he turned Winter to face him, preventing his eyes from straying to his absent arm. "But we talked about this, sweetheart, remember? We needed to remove the arm and fast." Handler Rogers informed Winter, causing the asset to still be in his place as he gazed at the Alpha with shock and horror; when? When did Winter talk with his handler about the arm? A noise left him as he realized that he must have toned out half of what everyone was telling him about the arm; the fear and pain of his handler putting him down was too strong for Winter to manage to hear and respond to anyone… oh, God… "Don't worry sweetheart, it's... it's temporary, just until Shuri designs a new arm for you…" Handler Rogers's words made Winter shift in his place as he studied the Alpha… a new arm? Does that mean Handler Rogers needs him? Does that mean...
"Does that mean you won't put me down? That I can go home with you?" The words left Winter's mouth, and it wasn't until horror took over Handler Rogers faced did Winter realized that he said those words out loud; part of Winter wanted to pull back and hide under his blanket, even when he know it won't provide any protection, while another part wanted to stand up and push his handler away, maybe even escape before his words made the Alpha react after he realizes that Winter knew all about his plan from the start.
"P-putting y-you…? W-what do you m-mean, sweetheart?" Handler Rogers stuttered, his words making Winter pause and look at the Alpha strangely, the Alpha doesn't need to act like this, he doesn't need to act like Winter doesn't know he was going to be put down for disobeying and acting out… Winter doesn't need to be informed that he doesn't deserve to live after what Bucky Barnes did, Winter gets it… "What? W-why would you think that?!" Handler Rogers's choked, his face turning white as snow, gazing at Winter as the man stabbed him repeatedly in the heart; it was only that Winter realized he said those words out loud once more, which cause dread to take hold of him at the thought of being defective.
Why would Winter think these thoughts? Was his handler serious? What does Winter need to say to make his handler understand? Handler Rogers is different; he is an anomaly, he doesn't act like any other handler, and he doesn't do what Winter expected him to do half the time. Why would Winter think that? Because Bucky Barnes destroyed everything, Bucky Barnes destroyed Handler Rogers's life, he destroyed Winter's life! So of course Winter know that Handler Rogers wanted revenge, he knows that the Alpha won't hesitate to execute it soundly; Handler Rogers shouldn't be surprised that Winter knew. but the thing was if Winter said that to the Alpha outright, his handler would probably find a way to counter these answers with one of his own; Winter can't have that, he can't, he wanted his handler to understand. "You said… you said it won't hurt anymore… only the dead don't feel hurt…" Winter ended up saying, noticing how pale his handler's face was becoming, and for a second Winter couldn't help but compare his handler's paleness to the snow outside.
"It's… you…" Handler Rogers's words trailed off, his voice becoming faint as he gazed at Winter like he was one step away from losing his consciousness. "This… this is not what it meant…" Handler Rogers finally managed to whisper, his words causing Winter to clench his remaining hand into a tight fist. "I… we… we were talking about the metal arm…" Handler Rogers continued and Winter bite his cheek to stop from screaming. "It was hurting you… poisoning you… slowly bumping chemicals and illegal suppressants into your system…" Winter stilled at that, gazing at the Alpha before him, searching his eyes and hoping that what the Alpha was telling him was a lie; Winter found non, only sincere look and pained eyes, which caused him to swallow, the feeling of him doing something stupid and exposing himself intensified. "Why… why didn't you say something?" Handler Rogers asked, causing Winter to shift in his place, feeling stupid for saying something out loud, he should have just kept his mouth shut and continued with his life like normal; but as always, ever since Handler Rogers stopped giving him orders he became lost and emotional… unstable…
"It's against the protocol to question a Handler's orders..." A harsh intake of breath from Handler Rogers caused Winter to swallow and fist the sheets tightly between his hand. "And... you don't want me… you want Bucky Barnes back, and I can't be him… I can't be him because he is dead; I may remember his life but I am not him… so if I died during the procedure... then it meant you choose me to undergo it." Winter admitted, not knowing why he told his handler something that should have stayed a secret not to be told, but Winter couldn't help it anymore, he wanted Handler Rogers to see… he wanted the Alpha to see him and not Bucky Barnes.
"Oh…" Handler Rogers whispered, his lips trembling as he gazed at Winter before turning away, causing tears to cloud Winter's eyes; silence dominated the room, and Winter felt like he was choking slowly as he waited for the Alpha to say something… do something… anything! "You are wrong…" Handler Rogers stated after a long time of deafening silence, causing Winter to sniffle and turn to the Alpha. "I don't know why you hate Bucky… why you despise him so much… but I didn't choose Bucky… I choose you… you said your name is Winter, and I believe you; I believe you. I was trying to look out for you, keep you safe… but I can't do that if you refuse to talk to me Winter; if you kept hiding important matters like that…if you hide your fear and thoughts..." Handler Rogers said his voice cracking slightly as he utter these words, leaving Winter frozen in his place; because it can't be, it just can't. His handler couldn't have chosen him like that when it was obvious he only thinks about Bucky Barnes.
Him… Handler Rogers choose him… him and not Bucky Barnes… tears that clouded Winter's eyes start sliding down his face once more at the thought of being chosen and not that wretched Omega. Winter didn't stop his handler from leaving when he saw the Alpha stand up and leave him alone; his body shook as sobs wrack his body. The feeling of a huge weight being removed from his shoulders almost caused Winter to faint from the relief he experienced…
Handler Rogers choose him…
He doesn't know when it had started… this obsession of him finding Bucky Barnes and rescuing him… Tony can't put a finger on when it started, but along the way he found himself trying desperately to save the ghost that killed his parents and destroyed his life. Maybe it started because he knew that Bucky Barnes was not the real murderer, but a weapon that was pointed at his family by the people who destroyed him. Maybe it started when Tony realized that his team was useless and divided, half of them wanted to destroy Bucky Barnes, half wanted to save him, while the others were just observers waiting for which half was going to win. Maybe it started after Tony realized that Peggy Carter was compromised, her thoughts all jumbled with the ideas of Bucky Barnes, what they can be, the what-ifs, and how to find him; that she doesn't realize the consequences of her hast actions, that her appearing on the national TV did nothing but brand Bucky Barnes as a criminal, a dangerous criminal to be shoot on sight.
Tony realized how defunct his team was, he realized that nothing was keeping them together in these dire times; Tony realized that there was never a true leader reigning the Avengers and controlling them from going all over the place and doing stupid shit, doing more bad than good and discarding everything that doesn't agree with them. Fury may have appointed Peggy Carter as their leader, but the way the woman acts now… the chaotic way she started leading them after Insight… that was not a way a leader should act as; this was their one-way ticket for destruction and the public to brand The Avengers as the outlawed and hazard.
Tony couldn't help but wonder about what it could have been if Bucky Barnes was in Peggy Carter's place. Peggy told them that the Captain America mantel should have been Barnes's; she said that all of her logical plans were his, that he was the one who kept their team close. Tony had doubted her at first because even when everything is said and done, Peggy Carter was a qualified leader and a good tactician, able to lead them to victory and see the bigger picture; but the way Peggy is acting now, the way she was unbalanced and unstable, made Tony second-guess his decision and wonder what it would have been like if Barnes was in her place. Because only now did Tony realize how much his team was nothing but a bunch of strangers co-existing together and trying to make something work, even when it was falling apart.
Peggy Carter was not safe to be around Bucky Barnes, because God knows what the Alpha would say and do; Peggy was too hung up on the 'what ifs', to hang up on the old Bucky Barnes that she doesn't realize he was replaced by a damaged Omega that barely escaped Hydra. Natasha Romanov was not safe either, Tony doesn't know what animosity the Alpha had against Bucky Barnes, but even Tony realize the burning hate and thirst for revenge that was swimming in the Alpha's eyes every time Barnes's name was mentioned; Tony knew that the first thing that Natasha would do if she saw Bucky Barnes was shooting him between the eyes, and even then she would be presented as a hero for killing the famous assassin. Clint was a wild card, the Beta knew what it was like to be brainwashed and how it is to not have a will of your own… Loki had messed up with him too much for him to not sympathize with the Winter Soldier… but the thing was, his loyalty for Natasha outweighs his sympathy and his want to help; Tony did not doubt that there was an equal chance of Barton helping Tony, or informing Natasha about him. As for Bruce and Thor, the two of them wanted nothing with what's going on with the Winter Soldier; Thor because of him not middling with mortals affairs, and Bruce because of his fear of the Hulk getting involved. Both are good reasons to not stick their feet in the brewing battlefield that was the fractured team called the Avengers; even then, both of them promised Tony to help him if they heard or saw anything that can lead them to Bucky Barnes, which was more than he could have said about the rest of his team.
That left Tony all alone as he was fighting desperately to hold on to what's left of their fractured team, and tries to save the Omega that everyone either wanted dead, captured once more, or try to return him back to 'normal'. It was a crushing weight that Tony was shackled with; him trying to save the Omega that killed his parents, trying to stop his team from destroying themselves, and trying to appease all the parties involved. Tony doesn't know when he started to think as the bigger guy, the mature adult of their team; it probably started all the way back when he started going out with Pepper, or it may have been when he realized how useless his team was if they didn't have something to punch… or maybe it was when he saw Peggy Carter finally crumble under the pressure and turn into the dancing monkey she loath so much, letting the higher-ups pull the strings as she dances to their tune. Either way, it doesn't matter, what matters is Tony trying to stop the insanity that was burning everyone from the inside out.
Three and half months, that's how long Tony spent searching high and low for Bucky Barnes or searching for any lead about him. his heart was pounding and he felt sick in his stomach; his mind couldn't stop reminding him about the deadline. The deadline which informed him that he only had two weeks left before the poison Hydra scientists put in the metal arm is to be injected into Bucky Barnes. As much as Tony wanted to shake his head and laugh, as much as he wanted to think that the poison won't affect Bucky Barnes and that the Omega was going to shake it off and continue as normal because he was a Super Soldier; Tony can't do that, he can't leave the Omega with a ticking time bomb in his arm that was waiting to be released soon.
With that, Tony worked on finding Bucky Barnes day and night, and when he wasn't available, he let his A.I. handle the search. Tony worked tirelessly to find anything about Bucky Barnes, any lead that would help Tony find him before Peggy, Natasha, and one of the several countries that were after the Winter Soldier did. Searching for the Omega seemed to give a result because not a few hours ago Tony managed to find a lead about Bucky Barnes.
Steven Grant Rogers…
The only name that Tony found while searching Bucky Barnes's past; a name that continued to be repeated over and over again, until the day Bucky Barnes left for basics. After the Omega went to basic Steven Grant Rogers… both the name and the man… disappeared from the face of the earth like he didn't exist anymore. No matter how much Tony searched, no matter how much he ordered J.A.R.V.I.S. to find something (Anything!) about Steven Rogers, the man seemed to have vanished; Tony even went to the public library to try and find something (The library for God's sake!) The only thing he ever found about Steven Grant Rogers was that the man was an Alpha from Brooklyn, and with that, he found two other names related to the man.
Arnold Roth and Michael Bech…
A mated couple in their nineties that (Surprisingly) still alive and kicking in Brooklyn, near where Bucky Barnes used to live before the war; that was where Tony was heading. A lead like this was something Tony shouldn't take lightly, especially with the possibility of being able to find something that would get him closer to Bucky Barnes. The only ones who could have given Tony any solid information to go with, were the Barnes family; but as it seemed, the Barnes family had what looked like to be a cross with the military, especially Peggy Carter. The last time Tony tried to meet with Rebecca Barnes Proctor, Bucky Barnes little sister; Tony was nearly shot in the head by the woman's daughter; which left Tony no choice but to try and find information about Barnes from other sources, hence him coming here today, hoping that he won't get shot at once more.
Tony gazed at the door in front of him deep in thoughts, wondering if he should just knock on the door or not, but the biggest part of him was desperate enough to do just that, considering that his mind had been ticking since he learned about the poison that meant to kill Bucky Barnes in weeks' time. "Who is it?" Someone called out, someone old, causing Tony to straighten up and clear his throat.
"This is Tony Stark; I came here today to talk to Mr. Roth and Mr. Bech." Tony started, and from the corner of his eye, he can see someone moving the curtain from the window a few feet away before everything became silent; five minutes passed without an answer, and even Tony had to shift uncomfortably before knocking on the door once more, wondering if he had to prepare himself to be at the end of a gun once more. "Please, this is important; it's about-" Tony didn't have time to explain before the door was thrust opened and an angry man stood before him, glaring at him and daring him to continue.
"We know what dis is about, runt, so leave and nevuh come back; we said dat in de fawhties and we will say it again, no interviews, no comments, no nuttin', leave!" The older man, Alpha, Tony's mind supplies, hissed at Tony, looking down at him and ordering him silently to remove himself.
Tony, though, stood his place, refusing to be removed no matter what was going to take place; the Alpha before him was (Surprisingly) youthful and fit for his age, but that didn't stop Tony from standing his ground, especially when the time was ticking away. "No, you don't know, Sir, not really," Tony stated, ignoring the growl the man let out as he looked at Tony with a harsh look. "Sir, please, I have to find Bucky Barnes in two weeks, or he will die…" Tony pleaded, decided to try another tactic, hoping that the man was going to listen to his plea.
Tony spent the next five (Ten, fifteen, twenty?) minutes glaring at the man, hoping that he would see and stop being stubborn; everyone in this country and their mothers knew about the Winter Soldier being Bucky Barnes thanks to Peggy Carter who couldn't keep her mouth shut, so Tony was sure that the news had reached the man before him. so it wasn't the matter of him not knowing, but the matter of him not helping, which Tony needed to nip at the bud and fast.
Tony has 14 days, 15 hours, 23 minutes, and 13 seconds which meant…
351 hours…
21,083 minutes…
1,264,993 seconds…
To find Bucky Barnes or he was going to die from poisoning…
"Arnie… please…" A gentle voice whispered, causing both Tony and 'Arnie' to look at the speaker only to find an Omega sitting in a wheelchair and looking at the Alpha tiredly; a silent conversation seemed to pass between the two, before the Alpha let out a huff and shifted away from the door, allowing Tony to enter the house. "This way…" The Omega said, guiding Tony to what looked to be the living room before ordering him silently to sit; it was a few minutes later when there was tea in front of Tony and everyone has seated in their respectable places that the Omega turned to Tony and utter one word. "Explain…" That's what the Omega said, causing Tony to swallow harshly before he started talking about everything, and when he started to talk, it seemed that he couldn't stop as he spilled everything that happened since finding about Bucky Barnes.
He talked about the poison sipping into Bucky Barnes's system day after day, and how Tony needed to find him fast. He talked about Peggy and Natasha, and how Tony was trying to find the Omega in the hope of saving him from falling into his teammates' hands because he knew that the result would be catastrophic. He talked about how he was planning on helping Bucky Barnes, and how as soon as he remove the metal arm, he would hide the Omega far away from everyone as he started to try and clear his name while giving him the therapy he needed… Tony talked and talked and let the mated pairs ask him any question they wanted, knowing that no matter what he was going to say it was not going to leave the room; not only because of the mated pair loyalty to their friend (Which shows clearly in their eyes) but also because of J.A.R.V.I.S. who was making sure to block any word from leaving this room.
Silence… tense silence… blanketed the room as both the Alpha and Omega gazed at each other for a long time before nodding at each other, turning to Tony with determination in their eyes. "What do you want to know?" Michael asked his voice gruff and his face tired, looking every inch of the ninety-nine years old man that he is, then a few minutes ago.
"I…" Tony froze not knowing what to say or what to do that he had spilled everything weighing him down. He had many questions he planned to ask; dozens of questions he wanted an answer for, but when he stood still and started rethinking about it, he knew that was only one question that he wanted to know, the question that he was sure would solve the true question of where was Bucky Barnes. "Who… who is Steven Grant Rogers?" Tony finally dared to ask, noticing how still the couple become at the mention of that name, which by itself caused Tony to continue on. "When I researched Bucky Barnes, I found his name being repeated a few times, but that's it. There is nothing known about Steven Rogers other than him being an Alpha and having lived in Brooklyn once upon a time; I will really appreciate every information you can give me about him, as I think it will help me in my search." Tony continued, waiting for the next move the mated pair would do, his hands clenching into tight fists as he tried to be patient.
"God… it had been mawh than seventy years since someone menshuned little Stevie Rogers…" Arnie said with a self-deprecate laugh, causing Tony to shift in his place as he saw the man wipe his mouth with his hand before looking at Tony. "Of cawhse yuh won't find anythin' about him, runt; de military made sure tuh erase everythin' about him. Ya' dig? De only way yuh can learn about him is by de stawhies passed down from elderly tuh de young folks; like he is some kind of folk tale tuh be guide by and learn from. Yuh with me?" Arnie explained, his word taking Tony by surprise as he tilted his head to the side.
"Why? Why would the military stick their nose in the life of a civilian? It doesn't add up…" Tony mumbled, wondering who was Steven Rogers that the military themselves decided to do something as drastic as middling with his life; was the Alpha a mutant? Was he a threat to world security? Was he secretly the Red Skull? Hell! Was he an alien, like Thor? If not, then why did they middle with something that didn't concern them and erase every information there was about him?
"De Military… yuh can say de wanted people tuh follow a certain imagine; de imagines dey were aftuh would have nevuh been fulfilled if Steven continued tuh be present in de same picture. Ya' dig? So dey did de logical ting, and dey got rid of him; now, yuh can only hear about Steven Rogers from old folks like us." Michael stated, his words gaining a snort from Arnie who start grumbling and cursing.
"No need tuh sugar-coat it, sweetheart," Arnie started turning his sight from his husband to Tony, glaring at the Beta as he prepared himself for his next words. "De military wanted tuh sell de wawhld de stawhy of how Bucky Barnes was Captain America's whawh; dey damn well couldn't do dat wit' de truth of Bucky Barnes's Husband in de picture. So dey did what dey do de best and made him disappear." Those words froze Tony in his place, causing him to let out a faint 'Huh?' as he gazed at the man with wide disbelieving eyes. Husband? Was he hearing it right or did he lose his hearing temporarily? "Ya, runt, just as yuh are tinkin', his husband, Alpha, Mate… Bucky Barnes was mated tuh Stevie Rogers seventy years ago; too bad de military din't get de memo tuh stop missin' wit' people's histawhy and past. Right? Now, everyone in Brooklyn is fawhced tuh hear about de stoopid stawhy of Peggy Cartuh and Bucky Barnes bein' star crossed lovuh or some shit while bein' fawhce tuh swallow up de truth unless dey wanted de military on deir asses." Arnie hissed, tightening his hands into fists to stop their shaking, which left Tony still frozen in his place as he tried to process what was going on, while the Alpha before him was cursing the military for destroying Bucky's life and accusing him of being The Howling Commandos' slut…
This is the most fucked up shit Tony heard in a long, long time…
The sound of Steve throwing up in the bathroom, caused both Shuri and Sam to flinch, looking at one other with concern before returning their sight to the bathroom's door that had been closed for hours, trapping Steve behind it and refusing them access. It all started with Bucky waking up not a few hours ago. Steve as always was the first to jump and rush to his mate when they have been notified that he was up; they thought they would find a confused Omega, one that wanted to go home, or even an Omega crying in happiness after being set free from the last reminding of Hydra.
What they found… or what Steve found… was an Omega who was crying for a different other reason. Sam remembers the words he heard clearly, as they resonated throughout his being, shaking him and causing sickness to raise within him; if it wasn't for Steve having a breakdown in the bathroom and no doubt crying his eyes out, it would have been Sam in his place.
Does that mean you won't put me down?
That I can go home with you?
What kind of monsters were those Hydra fuckers that a lifesaving surgery for Bucky meant he would be put down? What kind of heinous creatures were they? Managing to break Bucky Barnes so completely that the Omega couldn't feel safe in the presence of his mate; if Steve wasn't having a breakdown in the bathroom, if the whereabouts of Hydra wasn't top secret information, Sam would have already gone on a hunt to eliminate all of those assholes. Ripping their bodies with his claws and eating their hearts, not even giving them the mercy of a quick death.
They spent hours… hours… explaining and going into detail of what they would do during the surgery; hours telling Bucky how they will remove the arm and why they will remove it, in the hope of not scaring the Omega. How did everyone miss that Bucky wasn't paying attention or that he was thinking they were going to kill him? How did they miss that Bucky was so lost in his head that he never understood a word they said?
You said it won't hurt anymore… only the dead don't feel hurt…
That's what Barnes said; those were the words he used to break Steve so completely. To see their friend and Alpha, breaking down like this… to see him lost like this… was a low blow no one could handle. They should have known that something was wrong with how silent Barnes was, they should have known! Everyone knew that Steve couldn't manage this on his own, that he was too tired and world-wary to face a ghost from the past without help, even if the ghost was his supposedly dead mate; they knew, but they thought that Bucky Barnes had recovered enough in the past months with Steve, they thought he would tell Steve what was on his mind, so they can proceed enough to treat him.
Bucky Barnes…
Bucky Barnes…
Was the Omega in the recovery room is really him?
Was Bucky Barnes still alive in the shell of Omega?
Winter…
Steve had called the Omega Winter; he didn't even say he was Bucky Barnes, and he even told the Omega that he believed him when he said his name was Winter. Does that mean Bucky Barnes was really dead? Does that mean the Omega in the recovery room was a different Omega and not the one Steve mourns for decades? Was this a split personality? A severe case of identity disorder? The Omega seemed to remember who he was and what Steve was to him, but he doesn't feel attached to the memory, or even know the reason behind it; like he was seeing a boring movie that doesn't concern him other than him knowing the plot… was that even possible? Or was Sam losing his mind too? He doesn't know what to make of this insanity surrounding them.
He shouldn't have followed Steve when the Alpha went to talk to Bucky (Was it even right to call him Bucky anymore when he insisted on his name being Winter?) he should have waited until the Alpha was done talking, with the Omega before he started sticking his nose in other people's business; maybe if he did that, he wouldn't be standing outside the bathroom, frozen in place and confused, not knowing what to do or what to say.
"Steve, please, open the door…" Shuri called out, knocking on the door for the fourth time in the last five minutes, wincing as she no doubt start thinking about their friend hiding behind the door. "Come on, man! I know it sucks and all, we all should have seen that something was wrong; you shouldn't punish yourself and take the blame!" Shuri knocked on the door loudly, glaring at the handle as if she was planning on breaking the door, and even if she tried, Sam doesn't have it in him to stop her from doing that; not after Steve locked himself inside the bathroom for hours without the intention to leave.
"Shuri… maybe we shouldn't…" Sam stated, shifting in his place as he looked between the door and Shuri, wondering what his next step should be. Barnes was in his recovery room, asleep, after crying his eyes out before he got too drained that he passed out, while Steve was no doubt doing the same in the bathroom right now. Shuri though, just glared at Sam when he said these words as if daring him to stop her from trying to knock some sense into Steve, which would have been something he would do if his mind wasn't lost…
The door suddenly opened, causing both Sam and Shuri to jump and whirl around to see Steve; both of them stilling in their place as they took in the Alpha before them. Red-rimmed eyes, pale face, and rumbled hair and clothes, with blank lifeless eyes staring at them causing Goosebumps to rise on their bodies. "I want to see the files." Steve ordered, his voice containing no emotion as he gazed at the two of them, daring them to say 'No' to him; Sam opened his mouth, to protest, to say no, to call Steve's name, anything. "I wasn't asking; I want to see the files," Steve replied as if knowing exactly what Sam was planning to say or do.
"I don't think that it's a good idea, Steve…" Shuri was the one who said those words, saving Sam from having to answer Steve, who was looking a second away from committing murder; even Shuri couldn't help the flinch when Steve's gaze turn to her, freezing her in the place as he gave her a strange look that made their hair raise on its ends.
"I don't care what you think, I don't give a fuck what everyone else thinks; because of me not reading those files, because I was kept in the dark… my mate accepted to undergo the procedure while thinking he was going to be executed; all because I couldn't see that something was wrong." Steve hissed, causing both Shuri and Sam to flinch at the reminder, the reason for this whole mess was them not realizing that something was wrong; they should have realized that the Winter Soldier was trained to perfection, trained to suppress his emotions and thoughts, and because of his amazing poker face, they did something unforgivable, even if it meant saving the Omega's life. "I don't want to be caught unaware a second time. So if you don't mind; I want to see the fucking files now." Steve ordered once more, causing Shuri and Sam to look at each other once more pleading with the other to stop Steve from doing something that will destroy what's left of him.
After five minutes of silence, and after Steve lost his patient that he growled at them; Sam swallowed and shook his head at Shuri informing her that it was a lost cause before he started leading Steve to the place they stored the files in. Sam and Shuri couldn't help but stay far away as they saw Steve reading through the files; dread filling their heart as Steve's face and body closed off and his eyes looked deader by the second as he continued to read on.
"S… S-Steve?" Sam finally gathered the courage to ask taking a step forward, his voice returning to him after what looked like hours of him being lost. "Steve…" Sam called out again when the Alpha didn't answer him the first time, shivering as terror seized his heart so suddenly and fear froze him in his place. "Steve, a-are you..." Sam's words trailed as he saw Steve raise his head, a gasp left him and he took an involuntary step back, baring his neck to the person before him in the hope of not being considered a threat. Crimson eyes took them with fury and anger, causing him to shiver and let out a choked whine as Steve stood up, thinking that he was going to die. Nothing like that happened as Steve continued walking outside, leaving both Shuri and Sam in the room; terror filed them at the realization that the person who left was not Steve, not their friend and Bucky Barnes mate. The person who left the room was The Alpha whom no one had seen for years and years…
The Alpha was here and he was preparing for a hunt…
So what do you think?
Finally an update! Sorry for the late chapter, but I finally finished finals and I am free to write once more :D
I don't know why but I feel like I botched this chapter a bit; I am not satisfied with it, but after rewriting it three times I give up T^T
Poor Steve, poor Winter!
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And tell me what you think…
Nazaki-Sama