Hello, darlings! I was kind of feeling romantic this morning, so I decided to share with you something about our favorite couple :)
This is a Jake/Bella story, set in Eclipse after the newborn battle. Bella finally realizes who her heart belongs to. *I might be tempted to make this a full story in a separate fic, but I make no promises* :)
Enjoy, review and give it love!
PACK SOULS.
Chapter 17. Urgency.
The urgency that overcame her when she heard that Jake had been injured was surprisingly strong. It dominated her thoughts, and she reverted to that zombie state she'd been when Edward left. Only this time, she wasn't mourning her relationship with the Cullens.
Everything from the past few months were replaying in her mind as if they were a movie. She saw every laugh, every joke, every fight. Both with Edward and Jake. She was genuinely divided between these two wonderful guys. Both loved her with such an intensity that should be scary for an eighteen-year-old.
Edward, on the one hand, promising her eternal love and devotion. Jake, on the other, a relationship that would be as easy as breathing. And her in the middle, more confused than she's ever been.
She had genuinely meant it when she accepted Edward's proposal of marriage. She truly loved him. But she also truly loved Jake. And she had also meant it when she'd asked him to kiss her.
She sighed and touched her lips, feeling the ghost of warm lips molding against her in perfect synchronization. This action brought Jake's bracelet into her line of vision. She saw the little wooden wolf hanging from it and felt a smile stretch across her lips.
She had been delighted at the thoughtful gesture. It was something unique. Something he'd made from scratch. She loved it. She could say it had been her favorite gift ever.
But hanging next to it was Edward's heart. Cold, translucid, expensive. It was a beautiful antique thing that had belonged to his mother. She touched it delicately, and the words she had said to him after she kissed Jacob came to her. "I love you more."
What if those words were said to please him? What if she didn't mean them? What if, despite everything they went through, she loved someone else more? Enough to break his heart and enough for her to move on. If she chose Jake, she'd lose the Cullens for good. Perhaps never to see them again. She would lose Edward and everything she fought so hard to keep.
If she chose Edward, she would lose Jake, his sunny disposition, smile, and bad jokes. She would lose those afternoons in the garage, drinking warm soda and keeping him company while he worked on a car. She would lose her best friend. Was it worth it?
Jake had been the first person to make her laugh after they left. He'd been with her with every stupid decision she made. He'd made fun of her when she fell off the bike and had to get stitches. Boy, that had been an awkward conversation with Edward. He'd frowned the entire time, either at the thought of her injured or her excitement over the adrenaline rush, she wasn't sure.
Jake had been her sun and her save port. Was she ready to lose that? Was she ready to give him up? He would eventually find love again.
She dropped her hand and settled it against her chest. There was her answer. That feeling of being torn from the inside. The lack of breath. She closed her eyes and counted to ten a few times. She macaws to avoid a panic attack. But she wasn't saved from one in the near future. Not until she spoke with both guys and settled this mess.
Who to see first? What band-aid should she rip first? The happy one? The I'll love you forever? Or the sad one, the I love you, but I do love him more?
She growled, frustrated. Why is everything so damn complicated in her life? Why could nothing be simple?
She grabbed her purse and her keys and started to her truck. The sooner, the better.
When she arrived at her first destination, she was received by Carlisle. Who looked surprised to see her. His surprise surprised her. Why was it surprising that she was there? Did he not expect to come? In his mind, she was still with Edward. Well, technically, she was.
"Hi, Carlisle." She greeted with a small smile. "Is Edward home?"
He nodded. "In his room." They stayed there, awkwardly standing. "I'm going to the reservation to see Jacob's injuries. Should I wait for you?" He was kind, Bella thought. Kind enough to offer her a ride to her future when she was about to break his son's heart. She wasn't sure what state she would be in after her conversation with Edward. But it was nice to have the option.
"I'm not sure." Jacob needed him more than she needed that ride. "No. Actually, please go see him." Carlisle nodded and got in his car. She waited until she couldn't see him anymore to go inside the house.
Every step felt like a condemnation. Like a damned man walking the steps of the gallow. Like a man walking to his hanging.
She didn't knock on the door. He was standing still, looking through the window. His hands were behind him. But they were closed in fists, betraying his tension and his feelings. Edward had often said she was an open book. But he was the same.
"Edward?" She whispered his name.
Edward turned, letting her see the hurt, the pain, the defeat. For one cruel second, she thought, 'now you know how I felt when you left.' It was cruel. It was the truth, but it was cruel. And she wasn't a cruel person. Present circumstances notwithstanding.
"What are you doing here?" His tone was harsh, harsher than she really deserved. It wasn't her fault. She didn't ask for any of this to happen.
"I want to talk to you. And explain my decision." I want a clean break this time, she thought.
Edward kept his rigid posture. It was ok with her; he must be protecting himself.
"I do love you." She started but stopped. Was it cruel to break up with someone saying 'I love you'? She had promised herself that she would speak her truth. "I fought so hard for us, for you. I went against everyone and everything—even myself. I fought hard, with tooth and nail, because I thought I was certain about my wishes. I felt lucky to have figured out my life so early. A great love, a future mapped in front of me. And it did sound amazing for some time. But at some point, and I don't know when, a second road opened in front of me. And I was left standing in front of the entrance of these two roads. Both promising great things. Both tugging to their own side."
She didn't realize she was crying until he cleared the tears with a tender gesture. "I never meant to hurt you or make you feel pressured to do anything." He whispered brokenly.
"I know." She gave him a sad smile. "But the thing is, that I thought I knew which road I wanted to take. I thought I wanted to marry you, and I genuinely meant it when I said yes. But after I said yes, the second road was still there, open, and as inviting as ever. And I never understood why until today."
"You love him." He said, repeating his words from when she had asked Jake to kiss her.
"I do."
"More than you love me." It wasn't an accusation, at least. But it still stung. "It's ok to say it out loud, Bella."
She sighed. "I do love him more and differently." She wasn't about to explain to him the million reasons why she loved Jake. That was reserved for Jake himself.
"Be happy, ok?" It surprised her how easy he was giving up. She knew there was no point in fighting it because her mind and heart were settled. But at least Jacob had fought harder. She felt disgusted with herself. But she couldn't help but think that Edward was taking the coward's way again.
"Goodbye, Edward." She kissed his cheek and left the room and the house forever.
…
…
…
"Carlisle's inside with him. They have to break the bones again and reset them correctly." Sam kindly explained when she arrived.
The drive to the reservation had been hard and easy. She didn't know what she was going to find. But she wasn't expecting most of the pack to be anxiously posted outside Jake's house.
Jacob's scream of pain broke her heart. She struggled in Sam's arms, trying to free herself from his grasp. "Let me go." She said through the tears.
"You'll be in the way." He said gently. "Let him do his job."
She knew he was right. But she wanted to let Jake know she was there for him, with him, and that she wasn't going anywhere.
…
…
…
After what felt like forever but was probably about half an hour, Carlisle emerged from the house, looking surprised once more at seeing her there. He made his way to Billy, Sam, and herself and explained what was to be done now. But she didn't listen; she only saw the opportunity to run and grabbed it.
Jake was lying on his bed, feverish, sweating, trembling, and crying in pain.
She made her way softly to his side and placed a kiss on his cheek. Careful not to touch him anywhere. "I love you." She whispered in his ear before sitting on the floor next to him. She rested her head next to his hand and waited there until he regained consciousness.
She dozed intermittently, waking every few hours to notice that there was not much progress. Every time, she would place a kiss on his hand and doze again.
The next time she woke, it was because she felt something in her hair. She lifted her head to see Jake looking at her. She scrambled quickly to her feet. "You're awake! Oh my god! Are you ok? Are you in pain? Should I call Carlisle? Or your dad?" She hovered her hands over his body, not knowing what to do with them.
Jacob smiled and grabbed one of her hands. This effort caused him some pain and energy. He only said "stay" before falling back into his silent slumber.
She kissed his forehead once more and settled in her vacated spot. It took her hours to calm down and find enough peace to fall back asleep.
She repeated this routine for the next few days. Charlie had come worried but was unable to make her go home. He did manage to make her take a shower and eat, and with a joint effort with Billy, she settled in the twin's room and slept for a few hours. They had promised her they would wake her if there were any news.
She hadn't spoken a word to anyone. But it wasn't necessary; her actions spoke louder. Billy and Charlie silently and discreetly celebrated one afternoon.
And so, two weeks passed until Jacob regained full consciousness. Carlisle had come by a few more times to check on the progress, and the last time he'd announced that the bones were in the correct positions and were healing progressively. It would take time for the soreness to leave, but the worse had passed. His services were no longer needed. He left a few written instructions with some painkillers and left. Bella wondered if they would say goodbye this time. But seeing as she wasn't leaving Jake's side, she thought they could leave, and she would be none the wiser.
She had explained herself to the only person who deserved an explanation in that family. The rest, she couldn't care less.
"Bells." Charlie peeked in the twin's room one afternoon. He shook her gently to wake her up. "Jake's awake."
Bella bolted from her resting spot, making Charlie chuckle. She walked hurriedly to Jake's room. He was sitting against the headboard, eyes clear and open.
She walked in, closed the door, and hurried to his side. "Are you in any pain?" It seemed smarter to ask that instead of 'are you ok?'
Jake's mouth twisted to one side in a half-smirk. "Not much. Dad just gave me some painkillers." She nodded, hesitating about what to do now. It was easier to tell him she loved him when he was unconscious.
He palmed the space beside his uninjured side, beckoning her. She sat slowly, careful not to move too fast and hurt him accidentally.
He took her hand and kissed it reverently. "You look like shit, honey." Bella snorted and laughed. Trust Jake to be brutally honest and take her by surprise.
"You don't look much better." She retorted.
"At least I have the war injuries to go with it. What's your excuse?"
"I haven't slept fully in two weeks." She blushed.
"Wedding jitters? People driving you insane with all the planning?" His tone was light, but he was tense. She knew him perfectly well.
This proved he hadn't heard her any of the times she whispered the words to him. "Jake, Edward, and I broke up. There's no wedding or anything to do with them anymore." She squeezed his fingers.
To say he looked shocked at the news was an understatement.
"You'll catch a fly if you don't close your mouth." She joked nervously. Did he not want that? For her to leave the bloodsucker, as he called him?
"You're not lying to me just because I'm hurt, right?"
She rolled her eyes. "I may be known to do stupid things, but I'm not that cruel, Jacob."
"So, you and he are really done? Is that why you haven't been sleeping?"
She turned in the bed, sitting cross-legged next to him. "I haven't been sleeping because I only sleep a few hours a week."
"Why?"
She swallowed the lump in her throat and willed the tears away. "Because you've been unconscious for two weeks. I stayed here, but our dads made me go to your sisters' room."
"I knew I hadn't dreamed it." He said to himself. "I thought I had dreamed that you were sitting on the floor with your head on my bed."
"You didn't dream it. You opened your eyes that day and told me to stay." And she had stayed.
"So…" he started but was afraid to continue. What if it didn't mean what he hoped it to mean?
"I love you, Jake. Only you." He smiled brightly. It did mean what he hoped.
He made the effort to close the space between them and kiss her.
It was a million times better than their kiss during the newborn fight. This kiss was a promise.
"God! I'm so glad you're here, baby!" He whispered, leaning their foreheads together. She smiled. "God! I love you so much."