Chapter Twenty – Choices

[TW] Homophobic language.

Ranma

"Ranma? May I have a word?"

Halfway through an aerial kata in the dojo, pausing mid-kick, Ranma landed on one foot and looked over at Kasumi. "Yeah, sure. What's up?"

Kasumi stepped into the dojo with a tight smile and slid the screen shut behind her, her eyes searching Ranma for something. Ranma was in his female form – he'd taken to practicing in it as often as his male form, intending to master the different balance and mass distribution. I bet I know what she wants to say.

"I have an apology to make."

Kasumi sat down. She patted the ground next to her. Following her lead, Ranma sat cross-legged next to her, smoothing down her white gi. He motioned for the eldest Tendo to continue.

Inside the dojo, a light and crisp energy filled the air, more so since Soun had resumed classes, a combination of the creamy walls and spartan discipline behind the artistry, as if the rigorous exercise that took place within its walls effused the air itself. It was the ideal place in the house for a conversation. Sacred, almost. Ranma had dedicated his life to the art; when he sat in the dojo that was to be his, he felt centered. Pushing down his anger at Kasumi was easier out of sight of the Panda and the other Tendos. "Say it, then."

"I was wrong to try and make you wear that dress," Kasumi said, meeting Ranma's eyes. Ranma could see regret there, although he wasn't ready to forgive her on that alone. "And making you do the housework like I do. I appreciate that you helped me, but I was over the line when I made it about your curse. I didn't understand your feelings about it and acted without thinking."

Ranma frowned. "It ain't just the housework, Kasumi," he said. "You sided with Pops back when that Ryoga debacle happened. I don't get it. Why are you so weird about my- my curse?"

He'd almost said my gender, but he stopped himself.

"I wish we had gotten to know you before your coma."

"Really?"

"Yes. I don't know." Kasumi looked down at her hands. "It was such a surprise when you arrived unconscious with your father and Ryoga. You weren't here for a day before Daddy sprung the engagement on us, and after we had learned about your curse. I'm glad you and Akane have worked out for the better, but it was unfair that we had to decide who would marry an unconscious boy, and worse that Nabiki and I forced it onto Akane without giving you a real chance to..."

She trailed off.

"Choose?" Ranma asked, confused. "You know I forgave ya for that, right? The whole engagement was Pop's fault anyways, and it's not like you or Nabs wanted to marry me anyways. It's not ideal, but I ain't gonna give up on Akane."

"That's very noble of you," Kasumi said absently. "But that's not what I meant. I meant you never got a real chance to see how you felt about your curse. We were telling you how to feel before you got the space to think about it."

What?

Ranma stared at Kasumi, expression blank, trying to process her words. Kasumi looked genuine in her regret, eyes cast off to the side, blushing in shame. Her words made no sense. What about his curse was there to process? It was a curse. Changing sex moments after waking up had been a shock, sure, but Ranma had always operated under the assumption there would be a cure. He was a martial artist. He could take anything that came at him. Even a curse.

Suddenly, he felt self-conscious. He wrapped his arms over his full chest, conscious that he wasn't wearing a bra under his gi, and tried not to get defensive.

When he mumbled something incomprehensible, Kasumi read his mind. "Is it a curse, Ranma?" she asked gently.

"Y-yeah." Ranma laughed, uncomfortable, and shied away from Kasumi. "What're you on about?"

Kasumi sighed – a look of frustration crossed her face, making her seem ten years younger, breaking through her veneer of motherly calm. "I'm not doing a very good job of explaining myself, are I?" she asked, more to herself than Ranma. "You remember when I told you about our mother, right, Ranma?" He nodded, cautious. "When she died, our family almost fell apart. Daddy shut the dojo down and stopped taking students, and he became very depressed. The money dried up. There was a time when we were afraid we would lose the dojo, and we had to rely on our mother's old friends for food."

"I- I ain't never lost nobody like that," Ranma said. "But I never knew my mom. Pops and I didn't always eat, either, especially when we were out in the wild. We took whatever we could get."

"Someone had to step up," Kasumi said. "So I did."

She met Ranma's eyes. A fierce determination burned there, beneath the guilt and the sorrow.

"I gave up martial arts for my family. I stopped my after-school activities and lost some of my friends so I could take up all the duties around the house my mother had left behind. It was hard. I was a housewife at age eight, taking care of my father and two sisters." Kasumi gave Ranma a wry smile. "I don't regret it. Because of me, right now, we have the dojo open again, and Daddy is back to his old self, and Akane and Nabiki have both grown into fine young women. But I didn't have a choice."

Ranma's gaze fell to his bare feet. The emphasis she put on choice was directed at him, and he couldn't- no, didn't want to think about why. His toes were small, delicate, or would be if they weren't so heavily calloused. "So you think I don't have a choice?" he asked. "That's what this is? That's why you were being a jerk about my curse?"

"No, I think you do have a choice, and I couldn't accept that." Kasumi reached over to Ranma and grabbed his hand, forcing him to look at her. "I saw you in this body, and I couldn't understand why anyone would willingly choose to be a woman when they could be a man. Not because one is better than the other – because I didn't know how to stop being the… the mother to my family when I'm supposed to be a sister and a daughter, and I was taking it out on you. First by not taking your cursed form seriously, then by trying to make you see what it's like to be… like me, I suppose. I'm supposed to be a role model, and I failed. That's what I'm sorry for."

Ranma flinched. "You- I don't have a choice," he said, hotly. "I gotta be a man, a- a- a man among men. Even when I'm like this."

"Do you really believe that?" Kasumi asked. "Or is that what Genma told you?"

"I-"

"What happens if Ukyo decides to leave Nerima?" she pressed on, not giving Ranma a chance to respond. "If Ukyo leaves, then you would be able to go to school as a boy again. 'Ranko' could go back to China. Would you?"

"Of course!"

"And if Ukyo never leaves?"

Ranma stilled, his breath catching, gaze flicking around the room for exits and finding none.

Kasumi squeezed on Ranma's hand, emotion shining in her expression. "You could stay like this," she whispered, equally wary but forceful. "If you want to. Nabiki's alibi is solid. As far as the school is concerned, Ranko Saotome is a real person – you have medical records, even a fake birth certificate. I know you and Nabiki have had a rough time, but she's thorough and, as much as I hate to admit it, connected to people I wish she wasn't. We will stand by you. All four of us, even if it takes Daddy a second to come around. If Ukyo never leaves, would Ranma ever come back to Furinkan?"

"Why are you being so forceful?" Ranma asked, looking for any way out of the question. "You're never this forceful."

"I'm going to university in the spring," Kasumi said. "I'd been avoiding it, trying to pretend like nothing is changing. But I am. I'm sorry. We'll go out of the dojo, and I'll go back to being quiet and passive like I've always been, but that's not… It's not forever. You can't stay in this limbo forever either, Ranma, because sooner or later someone will find out the truth, whatever it might be. I suppose I'm being so forceful because I know it's the only way you'll listen to me."

Ranma gaped at her.

"You don't need an answer. But think about it." Kasumi got to her feet, letting go of Ranma's hand, and moved to leave the dojo. She looked back before she slid the screen door open. "I take care of all of my siblings, Ranma," she said, giving him a strange smile. "Little brother. Or little sister."

Before he could get a word in, she had slipped away, back to the main house.

Ranma

Akane was busy doing her homework in their room when Ranma wandered in and flopped down on the bed. She looked at him, playing with the omamori attached to the zipper of her school bag. "What's wrong with you?" she asked.

Staring wide-eyed at the ceiling, Ranma shook his head. "Something's wrong with your sisters," he said, trying to process the events of the last few days. "First Nabiki, now Kasumi. They've both gone crazy!"

"So by that logic, I'm next, huh?"

"Yeah, probably-"

Akane jumped at him, brandishing a mock fist without any real intent to hit him. "Ranma, you idiot!"

"Aah, I didn't mean it!" Ranma scrambled away from Akane on the bed, squealing when she started tickling. He dissolved into breathless laughter. "Akane!"

She didn't break the assault off until she had the redhead pinned against the bedroom wall. Akane had a wild grin on, teasing, and she leaned over Ranma, who had slouched back into the corner, staring up into Akane's eyes, suddenly very aware of the proximity of their faces. Breathing hard, Akane tucked a stray strand of red hair back behind Ranma's ear, giving him a breathless grin. "Maybe I'm crazy too," she said, her voice taking on a strange tone. "Good thing you're stuck with me."

For a second, Ranma felt a strong desire to reach up and pull his fiancee into a kiss, but he restrained himself. I'm a girl right now, his brain screamed. We can't! "Damn straight," he breathed..

Akane giggled, putting a taunting, tantalizing finger on his lips, and rolled off his pelvis – only then did Ranma realize she'd been straddling him. Moments later, they were both dissolved into a full-on laughing fit, and for a little while, all of their problems were forgotten.

Akane

There were flashes of light, but stress began to take a toll on the whole household.

It was an unacknowledged fact that Ranma had taken to spending more and more time in his girl form, forgoing hot water and morning spars to sleep with Akane and head to and from school without the headache of changing forms. Genma was stewing in his son's choices. Ranma and Genma's fights got more brutal and more frequent, as opposed to the regular, easy sparring that had taken place before. Both Saotomes were too stubborn to voice their obvious conflict aloud.

School was an oasis. Ukyo mellowed over time, losing the worst of her violent edges, and settled into the rhythms of Nerima life. Sayuri and Yuka were good at taking her mind off Ranma's problems. But even in the best of times, her fiance's struggles remained at the back of her mind, wearing on her patience and careful temper control.

I need to do something to cheer Ranma up. To cheer everyone up. What can I do for he- him?

The perfect opportunity presented itself at the beginning of December.

Kasumi, a short month away from beginning university, had an errand to run for school that would take her all the way to Shibuya, and was out for the night. The original plan was for Soun to treat the entire family, sans Kasumi, to eat out at the new Chinese restaurant, the Cat Cafe. Nabiki had been dreaming of Chinese food all day. Unfortunately, a freak explosion at the Cafe earlier in the day ("It's got to be martial artists," Ranma had said, an eager gleam in his eye) had shut the restaurant, leaving the family stuck on where to go to dinner. Genma and Soun had gone out to peruse the local restaurants, and Nabiki had dragged Ranma off to talk – Akane was proud of the fledgling friendship between her older sister and Ranma – leaving Akane bored and pensive.

The kitchen called to her.

"I'll do it!" Akane exclaimed to herself, pumping a fist. "I'll cook dinner, and Ranma will love it."

After all, even though Akane knew Ranma liked her, could see it in the way Ranma looked at her, she was still insecure about her suitability for marriage. Kasumi was such a good chef, and Akane wanted to prove to Ranma she could cook for him too. Intuitively she knew cooking skills wasn't something Ranma cared about. He would never stop liking her because she couldn't make a good fried rice. Still, Akane jumped at the opportunity at hand.

After all, when Kasumi was away at university, somebody would have to cook for the family.

Digging out an old apron, Akane marched into the kitchen and made dinner.

Ranma

"Here you go! Dinner is served!"

"Uh..."

How could something so disgusting come with something so cute? Ranma stared at the least appetizing plate of food he had ever laid dubious eyes on, a pile of burnt gunk, sweating at the thought of putting it in his mouth. Holding the plate out to him, Akane was beaming, specks of soy sauce across her forehead, a piece of carrot lodged in her hair. He reached up and picked it out, cringing. "'Kane?" he asked, using his nicest tone.

"Yes, dear?" Akane replied.

Ranma shivered. Akane had never called him dear. "What… is it?"

Akane's smile widened, adding to Ranma's terror. "Fried rice with pickles! I know how much you like it, so I wanted to make it for the family."

Ranma's gaze slid to the other occupants of the house. Genma, in panda form, had already started chowing down on his plate of food. Nabiki, on the other hand, was waving her arms 'no' and mouthing 'don't eat it' and making cutting gestures over her throat. Soun stared at his plate, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

"Go on," Akane said. "Try it."

I can't run away from her. Ranma saw no out. Saying a silent prayer to Kami-sama, he took a big forkful of his fiancee's cooking and shoveled it into his mouth.

The flavoring profile was so bizarre he didn't even taste it. It took Ranma considerable effort to swallow it; once he did, he sat still, unmoving, and tried to prevent his stomach from reacting. Nabiki buried her hands in her face.

Akane leaned in. "So?"

Head creaking, Ranma gave her his best approximation at a smile. "Nice," he said, mechanical. "Did you- uh, did you-" His stomach gurgled. "Did you use mayonaise?"

She nodded enthusiastically.

Ranma gave her a weak grin. Then, he ran to the trash can and puked his guts out.

"What the hell, 'Kane? Are you trying to kill me?!"

"Hey!" Akane protested, flushing. "It wasn't that bad! Look, Genma is eating it. You just have a weak stomach today!"

"I have a weak stomach? Have you watched me eat? No, for that matter, have you tried your own food?" Akane looked at his plate and whimpered, her eyes self-aware, but Ranma felt too sick to care. She tried to poison me! "You know if you hadn't wanted to eat out, you could have just told me," Ranma said, clutching his stomach, trying to empathize through his pain. "It wouldn't have been such a big deal to cook at- Bleaugh-"

He vomited again.

"Look, I was just trying to do something nice-"

"Well," Ranma snapped, "I appreciate the thought."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Akane snapped back.

Tossing his red braid back over his shoulder, Ranma clutched the trash can, failing to keep the uglier thoughts he'd been feeling all week from spilling out. "You don't have to pretend to be able to cook. I know you're a tomboy. Next time you could tell me you feel insecure rather than trying to poison me!"

"Who says I'm insecure?"

"I do!"

"About what?"

"That I'm a better girl than you are!"

Silence.

Akane stared at Ranma, open-mouthed, flushing with rage, her hands balling up into fists. Such rage Ranma hadn't seen on her face since the beginning of their friendship, when Akane had just begun her anger management counseling. Everyone else seemed equally stunned – Genma had even stopped eating to stare at Ranma with his beady panda eyes. Ranma paled as what he'd said slowly sank in. Why was nobody laughing? He'd made brash taunts like that before.

"For your information," Akane said, her voice shaking in anger. "I made you dinner because I want to be a good fiancee to you. But I guess you already had that covered, don't you? Maybe you'd prefer a fiance, then, huh?"

"No, that's-"

"Not that you have many male friends anyways," she continued in a cruel tone. "Ryoga, then? I'm sure you'd prefer a real hunk like him over a tomboy like me, wouldn't you?"

"Akane-"

Akane glared at him. "Or maybe you should just go and fuck yourself."

Okay, that's it. "Don't talk about my curse like that," Ranma snarled, cold.

"How am I supposed to talk about it, then?" Akane snapped. "What am I supposed to say to my friends about our engagement? Are you a boy or are you a girl? How long will we lie to everyone we know?"

"I am a man."

"Oh, yeah? I haven't even seen a scared little boy." Akane strode forward and grabbed Ranma's shirt, forcing him to his feet, away from the trash can. "You're just scared. And now you're a better girl than me, huh? You think I like being called a dyke by my friends? You think I like it when everyone thinks I'm a lesbian because of you and you don't even have the guts to tell me whether I'm right or not? I don't know if you even love me or not!"

"Love you-"

Akane dropped him where he stood and laughed.

"You can't have it both ways, Ranma," she said. "I love you. I would become a lesbian for you. But I can't handle this. I can't handle the lies and the bullshit. I can't handle your denial anymore because it's starting to get to me."

Pushing down his hurt, Ranma glared at Akane, his own thunderous anger rising in response to hers. "Oh, yeah. What are you gonna do about it?"

"Either you follow what you clearly and obviously feel and let yourself be a girl, or you man up and go back to eating the drivel that bastard spoon-feeds you." She jabbed a finger in Genma's direction. "The only curse here is you not making a decision. I can't-"

"You can't what?"

Akane gasped, taking a step back. A tear rolled down her cheek. "I can't. I can't say more. Otherwise I'll say something I can't take back, and then I'll really regret it. Ooh. You make me so ANGRY!"

Whirling around, Akane punched a hole through the wall, screaming in rage. Ranma stumbled away from her, accidentally knocking a dirty bowl off the counter onto the floor. It shattered. The broken glass went everywhere. To Ranma's horror, when he raised a hand up to feel his cheek, he found he had started crying too. "Screw you too!" he yelled after her retreating form, folding his arms under his breast.

In the wake of the destruction, the other three people in the kitchen seemed to come back to their senses. Soun went for a dustpan and broom from the closet. Nabiki, hesitant, moved toward Ranma, who was shaking and silently crying against the counter-top. She put a tentative hand on her shoulder. "Ranma?"

Ranma threw her hand off.

Soun came back in and started shoveling the debris into the trash. "My daughter is a lesbian. My daughter is a lesbian. My daughter is a lesbian," he mumbled under his breath, too stunned to cry about how the schools would never be joined.

A gruff grunt came from the panda.

Ranma lifted her gaze to her father.

::Boy?::

In a flash, Ranma was bearing down over the panda, ready to punch his living daylights out. His eyes were wild. "I hate you!" Ranma screamed into Genma's face. "You did this to me!" He was ready to punch Genma. He was going to punch Genma.

His fist began to shake.

Genma scuttled away from Ranma when his son dropped him, watching him from a safe distance with wide eyes.

"Hey, hey, we can get other food," Nabiki said, her voice cautious, not approaching Ranma. "I can order take-out right now, okay Ranma-chan? Is that okay? We can sit you down, get you some water, bring down your toothbrush..."

He gave Nabiki a shaky smile. "Thanks, Nabiki, but I- I need to go. I'm going. I'll be at Ucchans eating real food, not-"

Waving a hand at Akane's fried rice, Ranma threw his shoes and his new coat on and stormed out of the Tendo household. He tried not to notice Akane's tearstruck face in her bedroom window, watching him go, her fingers pressed against the frosty glass.

[A/N] There are so many ways Akane and Ranma could have gotten into an argument. Akane's F-Tier cooking was just the straw that broke the camel's back, and everything comes spilling out. Finally we get a confession...

Ranma can't stay in the dark for much longer.

If Akane hadn't forced the issue, he might never have gotten there. Of course, Akane doesn't understand Ranma, not fully – and she tells Ranma he has to choose: boy or girl.

The pieces are moving again, and who knows where they'll land this time ;)

Next chapter is gonna be a big one. Stay tuned.

Thank you ssfr, Alucard45, Teh Bleach Bottle, Beedok, Richard Ryley, Ergoemos, elusivetruth, Lukkai, and The Keeper of Worlds for reviewing! I know it's a bit of a cliffhanger, I'll do my best not to leave it hanging here.

Cheers, Allie