Chapter Twenty One – Crossing the Divide: Part One

[TW] Dated language and rhetoric.

Ranma

When Ranma slipped in the door to Ukyo's restaurant, the dinner rush was in full force. Ucchan's had become an established neighborhood eatery since Ranma's first visit – the booths were filled with families and kids Ranma recognized from Furinkan, young couples out on dates, and a group of men out of the office laughing together at the bar. The atmosphere was vibrant and lively.

Smoothing his red hair down over his shoulder, the aftertaste of the meal Akane had tried to poison him with sitting in his mouth, Ranma slipped into the restaurant, trying to hide how upset he felt. Half-heartedly, he waved at a girl from his class – since when do I know the girls better than the guys? – and slipped onto a stool at the bar.

He spaced out, staring at a salt shaker. Morose.

Let yourself be a girl.

Trembling, Ranma leaned into the counter, his nails biting into his palm to keep himself calm. Akane had screamed at him in front of their entire family, in front of Genma, and Ranma hadn't had the full force of her temper turned on him since- since- Ranma couldn't remember. It hurt, what she had said to him. What he'd said to her. How long has she been thinking these things about me? How long has she loved me? And why-

Akane was gay? For him? The thought made Ranma's brain hurt. Had she been attracted to him as a girl all this time? The nights where they'd slept in the same bed, where he'd gone to the furo and splashed cold water in his face to make her more comfortable… Were the nights they'd shared all just a secretly perverted way to feel up his girl form? Ranma felt his face flush, and covered it with his hands.

Maybe Akane didn't even like Ranma as a guy! Maybe it was her fault he'd been- been seduced away from being a man-among-men.

The thought didn't feel right. No. He sounded a little like Kuno, and that could never be a good thing. And Ranma had never gotten that vibe from Akane; when he thought of her, all he could think of was the quiet looks, the simple understanding, the passing moments in the furo, how beautiful she was, and the time they'd gone hiking to the shrine. When Akane said she loved him, Ranma believed her.

Akane loved him. She loved him as a girl. She saw him as a girl. Nobody knew Ranma better than Akane. So why did Akane see Ranma as a girl? Akane knew about the deception. Akane knew about everything. So- so- Why?

Putting a hand over his breast, Ranma realized he was having trouble breathing.

"Ranchan? How long have you been sitting there? It's good to see- Wait, Ranchan? Sugar, are you alright?"

Ranma shook his head, more jerkily than he'd intended. "I got into a really bad fight," he said, hating how weak and feminine his voice sounded. "I had to- I had to get away."

Ukyo looked at Ranma with concern, holding a spatula in one hand. She pursed her lips, then looked past Ranma. "Konatsu! You're on counter duty for a few minutes! I need to take a quick break!"

"Really? Yes, ma'am!"

"Here, Ranma, follow me," Ukyo said, gently tugging Ranma to his feet. "Those guys are shooting you funny looks – this way you can sit with me in the kitchen and talk it out, alright hun?"

Not trusting his voice, Ranma let Ukyo lead him into the kitchen. The thick oily scent of okonomiyaki filled the air, making his empty stomach growl – he sat down on an overturned milk crate near where Ukyo had her friers going and returned to hiding his face in his hands, fighting down an overwhelming urge to cry. Stupid girl hormones making him emotional.

"I'm sorry I can't stop working right now," Ukyo said apologetically, shoveling an okonomiyaki onto a plate and sliding it onto the staging area. "Things should cool down in fifteen minutes or so. But talk to me. What happened?"

For a moment, Ranma wanted to tell her everything. But his tongue caught – he couldn't. The idea of saying 'I'm a boy' to Ukyo felt so absurd a laugh almost spilled out. How could he drop that on Ukyo when he hadn't been out of his girl form for more than a few minutes in a week? What was he supposed to say?

Oh, sorry, Ukyo, but I've been tricking you. Everything you know about me is a lie. Yes, I do want to have another enormous fight right now.

Shame held his tongue. Rather than tell the truth, Ranma came up with a story on the spot – pretending, for a moment, just a moment, that he really was a girl. I am a girl. He spun a tale about his life with Akane in his mind, his father's hatred, his struggles with the Tendo sisters, enough so that when the words came out of his mouth, they felt real.

Almost.

"I got into a really bad fight with Akane," Ranma said, pulling his arms tight around his body. Ukyo watched him talk. "It started because she tried to cook for me, even though she's an awful chef, and it was bad enough that I puked. I thought she was trying to poison me."

Ukyo laughed shortly. "I'm not surprised. I can't imagine Akane cooking."

"It's terrifying," Ranma deadpanned. "But I got mad, and she got mad, and it escalated and turned into an argument about, well, us. Me and her. Our engagement. In front of our parents and Nabiki and everything. And she said in front of everyone that she's a lesbian, and then she said she loved me, and she put me on the spot for not- not- I don't know. Loving her back. Even though I do. She said I can't accept who I am, and that I have to- have to choose."

"Wait, I don't understand," Ukyo said. "How can Akane come out as a lesbian when you two have been very clearly dating for months?"

Ranma frowned at the unusual turn-of-speech. "Come out?"

"It's what gay people do," Ukyo explained. "Y'know, when they tell other people about their lifestyle choices, rather than pretending they're normal. My new waitress explained it to me."

I really don't understand. Which probably should be troubling, considering that Ranma was pretending to be a lesbian. Was there a whole language he didn't know? "Uh, right. It's like… Well, it's not like Pops woulda drawn up a marriage contract between two girls. Even he's not that crazy."

Ukyo cleared her throat. Ranma cringed.

"Look, Pops and Tendo-san drew up the contract before I was born, alright?" he backpeddled. "Pops ain't never thought he was gonna have only a weak little girl. Raised me like a boy anyways. And I guess they decided that it didn't matter, and they care more bout joining their schools than marrying two of their girls together."

A shadow passed over Ukyo's expression; dropping her spatula, she strode over and knelt next to Ranma, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Ranchan, girl, you listen to me," Ukyo said, and Ranma felt a strange fluttering in his chest. "You are not weak. I've watched you fight, and let me tell you, your father is a sack of shit. And if you don't want to be forced into some perverted marriage of convenience, then-"

"But I love her!" Ranma burst out, shocking Ukyo. He flushed, eyes watered, his need to have Ukyo understand through his lies overriding his deep self-hatred. "I do. And I don't understand why she- she thought I didn't. How could she stand there are yell at me in front of my father like that when she knows how I feel?"

Unable to contain himself, Ranma started crying, curling up on the milk crate. Ukyo hugged him tight. She whispered comforting things in his ear, stroking her back. After a minute, though, she had to pull away and flip the okonomiyaki. Ranma's girl form was so much smaller than his guy form. Balled up on the crate, he felt like he took up no space at all.

"Have you told her?" Ukyo asked softly.

"N-no."

"Ranma..." Ukyo sighed, scraping egg around on the grill. "I know I'm… weird about, you know, homosexuality." She cringed. "It's – I'm not gonna pretend I ain't a little screwed up too, you know? I ran around as a boy for a long time after you ran off with our cart, because I believe I couldn't live how I felt and be honorable. I was stupid back then. I still liked guys, and I was so ashamed. Maybe I even convinced myself I'd have to be a guy for the rest of my life if I couldn't fulfill our marriage contract. But… It's okay, you know? If you need to be a lesbian."

"Pops doesn't think so," Ranma sniffled. "You know what he said the other day?"

"What?"

"You dishonor yourself."

"Bastard," Ukyo hissed.

"But he's right," Ranma whispered. "I can never be what he wants me to be. I've tried my whole life, but I'm so close to giving up, Ukyo. I'm so close. I could be with Akane and we could be happy together but I would never become the master of Anything Goes. Isn't part of discipline giving up your happiness for your art?"

"No, Ranchan," Ukyo said. "Anyone who tells you to give up your happiness is lying to you. What's the point in discipline if you're miserable? Honor? Hell, if the best thing in your life's standing in front of you and you just..." Ukyo choked up, meeting Ranma's eyes. "Let them walk away, because your happiness doesn't matter, what's the point?"

"Honor is all I have."

"You have Akane."

Ranma squeezed his eyes shut, more tears leaking out. "But- But Pops- He won't accept it, he can't, he won't accept me."

"Fuck Genma Saotome." Ukyo stood up to her full height, crossing her arms as Ranma gaped at her. "No, really. I'm serious. Fuck him. He's the one who got you engaged to a girl. He has no moral high ground to stand on if you fall in love with her. What the hell was he supposed to expect? Dangling it over your head until it becomes a good thing is despicable. Abusive asshole."

"But I can't be a-" girl "-lesbian."

"Oh, sugar, I've got bad news for you," Ukyo said, giving Ranma a wry, understanding look. "You already are. You are a Class-A, tomboy lesbian, and everyone knows it. You do know that you and Akane are our grade's power couple, right? You're always together, always touching each other, the way you two look at each other is so sweet it's gross, I mean- I think most of the school thinks that Sayuri and Yuka and I are lesbians too, just because we hang out with you."

"But..." Ranma ran out of objections. "We haven't even kissed..."

Ukyo stared at Ranma. "I don't believe you."

"Really!"

"Sure, sure…"

"Ucchan!" Sighing in despair, Ranma leaned back against the wall, wondering how he'd gotten to this point in his life. How did I go from being a man-among-men to a class-a lesbian? When Pops took me out on his training trip, this couldn't have possibly been what he'd intended…

Here he was, sitting in Ukyo's kitchen asking her for advice about his love life, lying through his teeth – but did he even want to tell the truth? Ranma had wanted to beat his father so badly, and he hadn't cooled his heels for long enough to restrain himself if he went back to the dojo. Akane had had every right to lash out at him like that, but the cruel edge to her words still hurt him deeper than he'd imagined possible.

In some strange way, Ranma had been happier than any other time in his life living this half life, dancing the lines between male and female. Now it had to end.

I don't understand, Ranma thought. She said she would… accept me. Like this. Like I am right now. How could anyone accept some- some cursed sissy?

He closed his eyes, crying silently once more. He couldn't deny it to himself any longer – some part of him liked the curse, wanted to stay in his cursed form. Some part of Ranma Saotome wanted to be a girl. And, moreover, Ranma realized that he'd been acting on those desires. He had been the one who'd decided to go to school as a girl. He had been the one who put on Kasumi's dress. He had been the one who had spent more and more time in this form, this beautiful, cursed, alien form that was his – his body, like a strange mirror of who he might have been in another world.

My body, he thought, feeling the way his clothes pressed against his skin, how natural it felt. I woke up from the coma with more than I had before, not less.

Ranma saw the horrible truth.

He didn't want Ukyo to know his true form. He didn't want Ukyo to know he was really a guy. He liked their friendship, their cautious fledgling female friendship. He wasn't attracted to her, not like he was to Akane. He didn't want to Ukyo to realize they had a perfectly valid marriage contract, and the thought of Ukyo courting Ranma after how dismissive she'd been of his female form and his – god – lesbianism repulsed him. Ranma didn't want Ukyo, fiancee. He wanted Ucchan, his friend.

He liked being called Ranchan. He liked the term of endearment; it made him feel good. He liked it when they ate lunch with the group and clustered together in the locker room and dragged him off to the mall. Ranma had been living life as a girl for months, and he hadn't even noticed. There was nothing perverted or sexual about how he interacted with his friends on a day-to-day basis; it was just… natural.

When had being a girl become natural?

Did he even like being a boy? A man-among-men? Was everything in Ranma's life a lie? Was the curse messing with his head? Were these magic thoughts, manipulating his mind? Or, worse, had he always felt this way? Was that why Pops made such a big deal out of his masculinity? In attempting to 'train' Ranma, had Genma accidentally accomplished the exact opposite of what he'd intended? If there had never been a curse, would Ranma have become a transvestite? A pervert? Did having a biological female form mean he wasn't a transvestite or pervert?

So many questions. Too many questions. Head hurts.

Ranma wanted Akane. No, Ranma needed Akane – he needed her steady presence and a hug, but he was terrified returning to the dojo without making a decision would mean the end of their relationship. Akane wouldn't have put a fist through the wall if he was making good choices. He felt so alone, so lost, so confused.

"Ranchan." Ranma looked up at Ukyo, biting his lip to stop it from trembling. Ukyo wore an understanding, sad expression, offering him a plate of okonomiyaki. "You didn't eat dinner," she said. "It's on the house tonight, okay? You can stay here for as long as you need to."

He accepted the food – he really was starving. "I'm sorry," he choked out. "I hate this. I ain't supposed to cry. It's stupid, but I- I don't-"

Then Ukyo was hugging him, and all Ranma could do was cling to her. "It's okay, sugar," Ukyo whispered. "It's okay. I know you love her. I promise you, this will work out. I promise. You're my- my best friend. And I'm on your side, no matter what happens."

"You wouldn't say that if you knew what I was hiding," Ranma whispered, so low Ukyo could barely hear him. The confession spilled from his lips unbidden. "I have so many secrets, Ucchan."

"I know," Ukyo responded simply. "I mean… Don't get me wrong, it's kind of obvious. You're a terrible liar. But I've gotten over it, you know? I used to be angry at you, but now I'm just glad I have my old friend back. When you're ready to tell me, you will."

Ranma wanted to be afraid. He relaxed into the hug instead. "I will tell you," he said. "Soon. I promise."

"I'll hold you to that."

Sasuke

Tired of watching two teenaged girls have a heart-to-heart, Sasuke slipped out the back door to Ucchan's into an alleyway, grumbling mentally about the dead-end assignment his crazy mistress had given him.

Kodaichi had burst into the mansion earlier that year making demands that Sasuke destroy the life of one Ranma Saotome, whose only crime had been that he handily stopped Kodaici from forcing him into a date, as far as Sasuke could tell. He had filed it into his folder of 'People Kodaichi Wants Revenge On' and marked it as low priority – one of his many duties as a loyal ninja and minion to the great Kuno family was to systematically ruin their enemies, particularly the ones whom the mistress and sir couldn't care enough to deal with themselves.

Saotome had made no further interference into Kodaichi's life, and Kodaichi had moved on two days later, after a brief and fruitless search for Saotome, to terrorize another group of gymnasts, but Sasuke was nothing if not a loyal servant, and set about executing his mistress' revenge on her behalf.

It was supposed to be a rather easy case. Saotome had a long list of enemies and a paper trail across half of Asia – all it took was a well-placed letter to an old fiancee, designed to cross paths with Saotome's current fiancee, and, boom, three lives ruined. Saotome's love life would have been in shambles, and Kodaichi would have been avenged.

Then Ranma Saotome had turned into a girl.

Not only had the devious martial artist managed to completely fool everyone around him – how, Sasuke had no idea, considering that not one day after the… girl (?) had registered at Furinkan, Sasuke had caught her changing genders in an alleyway with some strange, water-based sorcery – Ranma had also turned his brilliant wrecking ball into her love life into her best friend! Unacceptable! Sasuke had become mildly obsessed with stalking the girl, especially once he'd realized the extent of her insane life. He'd even warned Kuno off from chasing his pigtailed goddess (Sasuke wanted to vomit), making explicitly clear to his master that the girl was Kodaichi's territory.

Yes, tonight was the last straw. Sasuke's plan to ruin Ranma's love life was a failure. He loved his fiancee, and even an old flame hadn't been enough to shake him. It was time to change tactics. Sasuke had identified a new weakness, a new way to expose the girl for what she truly was.

It would be glorious indeed when Kodaichi unmasked Saotome's wicked sorcery to their entire school. He would make the pervert weep for ever daring to attract his flawless mistress with her gender-bending harlot ways.

Reappearing in the Kuno mansion before Kodaichi, Sasuke prostrated himself at her feet. "Mistress!" he cried. "One of our plans for glorious revenge has failed. The subject has proved to be far more cunning and evil than we suspected – I believe you must intervene!"

Sasuke whimpered when Kodaichi roared in outrage and kicked him in the side. No less than I deserve. "Who, you worthless ninja?" she hissed.

"Ranma Saotome." Before Kodaichi could drag him off to the dungeons, Sasuke held up his hands. "But wait! I have a new plan to make the girl suffer, one that requires your assistance!"

Kodaichi paused from drawing a very sharp dagger. "The… girl? I remember Ranma Saotome being a beauteous dreamboat who dared to rebuff my affections."

Sasuke quickly explained what he intended to do.

A cackle escaped Kodaichi's throat, followed by a bout of manic laughter. Shivering, Sasuke joined his mistress in her most evil laughter – he hadn't failed after all! Kodaichi would get her revenge on the Saotome girl, and all it would take was a little cup of hot water. He couldn't wait to wash his hands of the girl he'd been stalking for weeks.

Ranma

Ukyo dragged a spare futon out of the closet to rest next to hers and a third futon, which apparently belonged to her new waitress. Letting it plop to the floor, she nodded and looked to Ranma. "All yours. Sorry you've gotta sleep with me and Konatsu, but we really don't have much space here. I hope it's okay."

"No, it's fine," Ranma said. He settled down on the futon, feeling strangely empty. "Thank you for letting me stay the night. I don't think I could face Akane tonight."

"No problem. It'll be a proper sleepover!"

Ranma quirked his lips, inching dangerously close to an uncharacteristic smile. "I've never had a proper sleepover before."

"Me neither," Ukyo admitted. "I think there'll be emphasis on the sleeping."

"What's this about a sleepover?" Another girl came up the stairs. She wore a red bodysuit and had her long black hair back in a ponytail, covering her mouth as she stretched and yawned. "Hello," she said to Ranma. "I'm new here. Kuonji-sama lets me stay here if I work for her. She even pays me."

Ranma raised an eyebrow at the girl's strange formality. Ukyo pinched her brow, holding back a long-suffering sigh. "I told you, sugar, it's Ukyo, not Kuonji. Kuonji makes me sound like my dad. And, god, call me Ukyo-san if you have to, but not Ukyo-sama."

"Okay, Ukyo-sam-… er, san." The girl blushed prettily, drifting past Ranma and Ukyo to settled down on her futon. "Nice to meet you."

"Ranma, this is Konatsu. Konatsu, Ranma." Ukyo sighed. "Konatsu has a crap family, I'm helping her get away from them and start her own life."

Konatsu turned a brighter red. "Sure," Ranma said. "Nice to meet ya too."

"If I may be excused," Konatsu stammered, "I'll go and get prepared for bed, Ukyo-sama. Ranma-san. So you two can have some privacy.

Ukyo waved her off.

"At least she's trying."

"Is she always like that?"

"Worse, usually. I'm trying to train her out of it. Her step-mother and step-sisters really did a number on her. But she's a damn hard worker and a very valuable and cheap employee, so I don't really mind."

"Yeah."

Ranma and Ukyo sat together, shifting back to lean against the wall and the low window of Ukyo's tiny upstairs living space. Ranma kept his knees pulled to his chest, arms curled round his legs. Ukyo sprawled more, one leg extended, looking up at the ceiling.

"Hey, Ranchan?"

"Yeah, Ucchan?"

"I know the answer already, but I still need to ask," Ukyo said, shooting him a sidelong look. "I know there are things you haven't told me, and I might not be the smartest or the best at solving puzzles, but even I can figure out it's got something to do with our engagement. I… I've accepted that it probably won't happen. I don't resent you, even though your father still owes mine my dowry back. But, I have to know, because I do care about you, because I think you're my best friend. If I knew everything, even after you come clean to me, would there ever be any chance of anything between us? Would my younger self have had a chance before Akane?"

Looking away, Ranma shook his head. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I love Akane. And I love you too, but not like that. I've never seen you that way, and I… I don't think I ever could. You've always been a close friend to me, and nothing more."

The words hurt. Ranma could see the words hurt Ukyo on her face, but she bore it, lifting her chin bravely. "Then," Ukyo said, "please give me one last thing."

Ranma nodded. "Anything."

Ukyo leaned over and gave Ranma a gentle kiss on the lips.

Kissing was… strange. Ukyo's lips were dry, even when her tongue darted against his, and he wasn't sure how to kiss her back, so he let her do it, his arms falling limp at his sides. He'd expected to feel like he did when he and Akane faced each other in the furo, or when they woke up in the morning curled together. Instead, Ranma felt nothing.

I'm okay with that.

Ukyo pulled away, smiling wryly. "Sorry, sugar," she said. "Didn't do much for me, even if you hadn't been doing your best limp fish impression. I guess it's all guys for me, you know?"

"You're lucky," Ranma said. "Girls are so much more confusing."

Laughing out loud, Ukyo shoved Ranma, readjusting her blue headband. "Well, there's no more sense in putting it off," she said. "I, Ukyo Kuonji, hereby renounce my marriage claim for Ranma Saotome, effective immediately. But not your father's debt! From now on, we're friends and friends only, got it?"

A weight Ranma hadn't realized he'd been carrying lifted from his shoulders. Ukyo had given him a gift; no longer was he a playboy, a cheater, juggling more than one marriage contract – his and Akane's claim was uncontested. Resisting the urge to start crying ago, Ranma settled for pulling Ukyo into another tight hug, not even caring how girly the gesture was. "Thank you," he breathed.

"You know what's crazy?" Ukyo asked. "I don't even care anymore. I wasted ten years of my life chasing after you, and now I can put that behind me. I have a home and a restaurant, I have friends, and I found you. I dreamed about finding you for so long, and now you're actually here. And, yeah, it's not exactly how I pictured it, but we were six, weren't we? I liked you fine when you were a little boy. But I think I like this you better."

Ranma, in spite of himself, returned her smile.

In the back of his mind, he couldn't help but wonder whether he liked this version of himself better too.

[A/N] This is the first of two chapters today.

Don't want to spoil anything, so I'll hold my comments for Part Two. Stay tuned for later today!

Cheers, Allie