Chapter Twenty Two – Crossing the Divide: Part Two
[A/N] This is the second of two chapters today. If you haven't yet read Crossing the Divide: Part One, READ THAT FIRST. This chapter won't make sense without it!
Akane
Akane knew she had to do something to quash her anger. But she couldn't help it. She was overcome.
Her temper had been a problem for years, now, but it had gotten worse since she'd hit puberty and begun to attract the attention of boys. Kuno had left a violent mark in her life – she had lost control of her reactions, responding to violence in inappropriate situations, taking her anger and sadness out on the people around her. Learning of the engagement had been a last straw.
She remembered the day so clearly. Genma, in panda form, had shown up at their door carrying Ranma bridal-style, depositing her on the floor with a care and compassion Akane hadn't seen out of the man since. For that one moment, Akane had truly believed the man loved his daughter. A cup of hot water had shattered that notion. Not ten minutes later, Kasumi and Nabiki had pawned a comatose, gender-bending boy off onto her without her consent, and something in her had snapped.
When Akane had smashed Ranma's ventilator, she hadn't just knocked the borrowed medical equipment over. She had taken a piece of wood from the backyard and she'd smashed the machine to bits. Computer chips and broken metal.
If they hadn't called the hospital, Dr. Tofu later told her, Ranma could have died.
Shame had driven her to therapy. Therapy had driven her to meditation. Meditation had helped her take Anything Goes seriously. It had given Akane the ability to see how she had been wrong and rectify her actions. Because of therapy, Akane had a stable relationship with her fiance and a burgeoning skill in martial arts, which had crept past Soun's level of mastery and had begun to approach Ranma and Genma. She had learned to be happy instead of angry, a gift she hadn't realized she'd needed, a gift that Ranma had unknowingly given her.
Right now, Akane was furious enough to throw it all away.
Her cooking had made Ranma vomit. Ranma had declared himself a better girl, torn into Akane where he'd known it would hurt the most, and she'd gotten a giant splinter from where she'd punched the wall. She'd gone off, cooled her heels – only for Kasumi to tell her Ranma had stormed off to Ukyo's restaurant alone. No matter. Akane had set Ranma's pajamas out on the bed, taken a bath, and calmed down. Then she waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Until it was three am and there'd been no phone call and no sign of Ranma, and Akane was lying awake in a bed she'd come to think of as hers and Ranma's, only she was there, alone, and the space next to her was cold. Ranma wasn't coming back. The thought struck Akane then that maybe he didn't love her; that he'd left because he couldn't bear to look at her; that he was repulsed by the idea that she cared enough to love him no matter what he looked like.
Akane loved Ranma as a boy or a girl. Ranma didn't love Akane at all.
In fact, he had an engagement with Ukyo, didn't he? And now he was spending the night with her?
That slut.
In a haze of rage, Akane had shouldered her way out the door past Nabiki and stomped her way to school, her eyes promising fury on anyone who crossed her path. Furinkan came into view. Then, walking to school from a different direction, there they were: Ranma and Ukyo, arm-in-arm, talking to each other like nothing had happened. Ranma had the gall to laugh. Her stupid, cruel, hot, redheaded fiancee, two-timing her with a friend and laughing in her face.
Akane paused for a moment, more out of shock than consideration, giving herself a moment of vague realization that perhaps she was about to go too far. But Ranma poked Ukyo with an infuriatingly cute smile, and she lost it.
"Where were you?!"
Ranma turned, saw Akane, and blanched. "Akane, I-"
"I asked, where were you?!" Akane stormed up to her friend and her fiancee, too angry to correct herself mentally, her fists clenched tight. "I waited all night for you to come home. Where were you?"
"I had to think, 'Kane," Ranma said quietly, in a tone that carried an emotion she had no right to be feeling. "I needed space."
"Oh, you needed space, did you?" Akane shrieked. "You couldn't call? You couldn't let me know where you were? I had to find out from Kasumi! You could have been dead! Dead! For all I knew, you were standing out in the cold again freezing yourself to death!"
The crowd that had begun to gather around them broke out murmuring. Ukyo gave Ranma a look of shock. Ranma flinched, and a defensive fire entered her eyes. Akane knew she was provoking the wild horse; she knew what happened when she pushed Ranma the wrong way.
She just didn't care.
"Yeah?" Ranma said, her tone quaking with emotion. "Maybe you should have thought of that before you put your fist through the wall, huh? Maybe you should have thought of that before you said the one thing that would make Pops hate me, huh? Maybe I didn't feel safe enough to want to come back! At least when I'm with Ukyo, she doesn't make ultimatums in front of my ENTIRE FAMILY!"
Slap.
Ranma raised a slow, trembling hand to the red spot on her cheek, her eyes welling with tears. Akane let her hand fall.
"You- You bitch!"
Not sticking around to see Ranma's response, Akane turned on her heel and sprinted into the school, wiping away tears from her traitorous eyes.
Ranma
Ranma went through his day more than a little dazed.
It was hard to pinpoint which part of the last twenty four hours had him so far off his axis. He'd just gotten his first kiss – with Ukyo. Then he'd gotten slapped – by Akane. Who'd called him a bitch. That sentence didn't even make sense in his head. It was an insult so feminine that calling a guy a bitch sounded absurd, and Ranma had shut down after Akane had screamed at him and stormed off. Now Ukyo clung to his side, glaring at anyone who looked at Ranma funny and murmuring reassurances that Akane would come around.
Oh, and there was the fact that Ranma had more or less admitted to himself that he liked being a girl. Or that he was seriously considering acting on it. And, of course, the delightful knowledge that if he did, Genma would most likely disown him and expel him from the Saotome branch of Anything Goes, destroying the purpose of his life and leaving him honorless. On the other hand, if Ranma didn't act, he could lose Akane forever.
He slammed his head against the desk when he realized where his thoughts were in Math class.
Am I seriously considering becoming a girl? Forever? How the hell did I get here?!
What was wrong with him?
Sayuri and Yuka appeared to be taking Akane's side, or Akane had gotten to them first, because they were sticking to her side like burrs. Ranma had to wait for Akane to stay behind in class to grab the pair by their collars and drag them into an alcove where Akane wouldn't notice them. Sayuri stared dumbly at Ranma, but Yuka reacted with anger: "You! What did you do to her?"
"Guys, ya gotta help me," Ranma said urgently, hoping his expression wasn't quite as crazed as he felt.
"Help you? What about her? Your fiancee?" Yuka balled her fists up in Ranma's shirt, and given that Yuka was taller than Ranma's female form, it was actually kind of intimidating. "Listen here, buster, if you hurt Akane then I'm gonna-"
"Yuka, please," Ranma begged. "I need ya to tell me if I'm acting like a girl."
Yuka shut up. Sayuri stared. "What?"
Ranma pushed away from Yuka and spread his arms, gesturing at his skirt and his boobs frantically. "Have I been acting like a girl this whole time?" he babbled. "Am I- Nobody's ever suspected? Or they have? And now- Oh god- I have ta know. Have I?"
Covering her face, Yuka muttered, "Oh, good, she's finally having her identity crisis."
"Ranma," Sayuri said carefully. "You… are a girl, aren't you? I mean. We know you're the same person that, uh, he was, but we just assumed that you'd been, um, coerced into being like that, or, erm, there was a rumor that you'd been cursed to be a guy. If you're worried that you're… uh… still, y'know, guyish, you don't have to. Everyone thinks you're a girl, even the ones who suspect that Ranma and 'Ranko' are, y'know..." She made a vague hand gesture.
"Yeah, really, Ranma." Yuka frowned. "Was Akane being an ass to you? Cause if she was, we can jump ship, promise. She really made it sound like you were cheating on her with Ukyo."
Yuka and Sayuri watched Ranma with equal looks of concern.
Ranma stared back in horror.
"I'm a guy," he whispered, backing up until he hit the wall.
Yuka tittered for a moment, then fell deathly silent. She covered her mouth with her hands. "Oh, god, you're serious. You're actually serious."
"You've got it all backwards," Ranma whispered, watching the hall for eavesdroppers. "I'm a guy cursed to be a girl! And I can change back and forth! I- I'm not- Or at least, I don't think-"
"But- But- But- Why the hell are you at school as a girl then? If you can change back and forth, and you're a guy, then why would you- Oh, Saotome, if this is some elaborate scheme-" Yuka blanched. "You change with us for gym. Holy fuck."
"Ew, no, no, no!" Ranma waved his hands. "First of all, you know I'm a- urk- a lesbian-"
"I'm so confused," Sayuri whispered.
"Lesbians are girls, Ranma," Yuka said as though she were explaining it to a child. "If you are a lesbian, then by logic you can't also be a guy. Because logic!"
"No, you don't understand. My Pops, he's a honorless pathetic excuse of a bastard," Ranma said, frantic to get the conversation back on track. "It's his fault I'm this way; he's the one who took us to the cursed training grounds in China. I didn't even realize I'd gotten cursed until I got back to Nerima! And then it turned out he got me engaged to Akane without telling me, but I'm also engaged to Ukyo-" Sayuri visibly staggered and had to lean on Yuka for comfort. "-and I've fallen in love with Akane and honor would have required I give Ukyo a fair chance, so I- I- I came to school as a girl cause I needed Ukyo not to find out that she has a valid marriage contract!"
"...You know, that's insane enough that I actually believe you, Ranma," Yuka said slowly. "But holy fuck is that problematic. Why didn't you come clean to Ukyo? Why- I did some digging when you 'transferred,' and Ranko Saotome is a real person! You're telling me you faked a school transfer, falsified medical records, created an entire… fake person while your 'real self' went off to China just to- to- duck out of an arranged marriage? Why didn't you just tell her and, I don't know, say you were in love with Akane now? You do know that most arranged marriages have exit clauses?"
"Exit clauses?" Ranma echoed.
Yuka leaned forward, giving Ranma an incredulous, wide-eyed stare. "In the contract?"
"There ain't no contract," Ranma snapped. "Ukyo's dad sold her out with the family okonomiyaki cart to get rid of her, then Pops left her behind and took the cart."
"What the fuck."
"And I dunno how the papers happened. Nabiki called in favors."
"From who?" Yuka whisper-screeched. "The Yakuza?"
Ranma blanched.
"But… Ranma…" Sayrui murmured. "You went to all those lengths to go to school as a girl. Maybe I'm misreading the situation, but I think you've been much happier since you did. I mean, before, you only really talked to Akane, and now you've got the group, and you talk to all the girls in the class, and Teach says you've been doing much better work. You… We do girl stuff. With you. All the time. Do you not see that?"
His heart racing, Ranma shook his head, searching for an escape route. He couldn't let Akane see him leave, though, and if she walked out of the classroom at the wrong time…
"You come to the mall with us a lot," Yuka agreed, genuine concern shining in her expression. "You change in the locker rooms with us. I mean, you even talk about our periods with us, and I don't know what kinda guy you thought you were, but if I tried to talk that shit with Roshi and Dai, they'd run away screaming."
Ranma's face blazed. "I get my period like this," he mumbled, unable to meet their eyes. "Only 'Kane and Kasumi know."
"Oh, Ranma."
It said something about the chaos levels of the conversation that Ranma wasn't exactly sure why he was getting hugged by both Yuka and Sayuri. "I don't know what to do," he mumbled. "I don't know what I am. I'm living as a girl at school and a guy at home, and cause of 'Kane I have to make a choice and I don't know what I want. And Ukyo knows nothing."
"Has anyone ever told you your life is a mess?" Yuka asked bluntly.
"Yes," Ranma whispered – and there he went. Crying. Again. What's this, the fourth time in a day?
Maybe I really am a girl, if this is how I react when things go south.
"We're here for you," Sayuri declared, wiping at one of Ranma's tears. "No matter what. Okay? Whether this is… what you need to be who you are, or just some elaborate long con, we're here for you. Gender is stupid, anyways. Why do you even have to care if you can really change back and forth?"
"I..." Ranma trailed off. "I don't know."
Ukyo
Gym class was a disaster.
Today's game for the girls was soccer, but their clueless idiot of a gym teacher had made the mistake of picking Akane and Ranma as team captains – a reasonable choice on a normal day, given that they were undeniably the two biggest jocks among the girls, but when they were fighting, it was a recipe for disaster. Ukyo watched nervously as Ranma and Akane drafted like they were going to war, and gulped with trepidation as she jogged onto the field to play defense for Ranma, mildly terrified of what was to come.
Dirt flew. The goals racked up. As players started going down, the boys, who'd been playing field hockey, stopped their game entirely to watch Ranma and Akane duke it out. The two martial artists, in Ukyo's eyes, were less playing soccer and more having some elaborate duel, which the rest of the girls had the misfortune to get in the way of.
They need to go deal with this in private, Ukyo thought, hanging back near the goal, doing her best to avoid Akane's bullet shots. Airing their dirty laundry out like this can't be good for anyone.
It was too late to avoid the rumors, though, considering Akane's outburst that morning.
Ranchan…
Ukyo wasn't sure what was up with her ex-fiancee. Whatever argument Ranma had had last night was clearly worse than she'd made it sound, if her exchange with Akane was any indication. Ukyo had heard nothing of an ultimatum. Personally, she thought they needed to kiss and make up, but it seemed Ranma had some deeper issue at play. She'd been shell-shocked all day, almost distraught…
Ranma charged Akane, the soccer ball underfoot, only for Akane to slide tackle Ranma, knocking the redhead off her feet and sending her rolling away in the dirt.
All motion came to a halt when Ranma was slow to get up.
"Ranchan! Are you alright?"
Ukyo hurried to Ranma's side. Ranma groaned, pushing herself back on her knees, and shot a furious glare at Akane. "What's the big deal, you psycho?" she snapped, earning a flinch from Akane. "You ain't gotta tackle me like that!"
"Oh yeah? Who's supposed to be the aerial martial arts specialist?" Akane shot back. "You could've dodged and you know it."
"Well, maybe I'm distracted, huh?"
"That sounds like your problem."
"Enough!" Ukyo stepped between them and helped Ranma to her feet. Ranma staggered, wincing, and she saw the scrapes on both her knees, as well as the smear of dirt across Ranma's forehead. Ranma glared at Akane, but Ukyo tugged her away. "That's it. I won't watch you two fight if you're gonna hurt each other; you can go and spar at your dojo later if that's what you need. Akane, cool off. Ranma, come on, let's get you washed up; I'll take you to the nurse."
Placing a firm hand on Ranma's shoulder, Ukyo led her away from Akane's vicious glare and into the locker room.
The white tiled walls and the long birch benches felt much larger without the crowd of people changing in and out of their uniforms. Ranma broke away from Ukyo and began to pace, brushing dirt of her shoulders, her eyes burning with rage. "This is the worst day," Ranma said, shooting Ukyo an agitated look. "Everything is falling apart."
"Hey, it's going to be okay, I promise," Ukyo said. She nodded toward the showers. "Come on. You're filthy. Get cleaned up so we can get outta her before Akane comes."
There was a flicker of fear in Ranma's eyes, but she nodded, rubbing at her eyes, and began to strip. Ukyo changed too. The water from the showerhead was nice and cool – it might have been cold outside, but she'd worked up a sweat and Furinkan was as hot as a sauna.
The showerhead next to Ukyo switched on. She glanced over and saw Ranma had begun to shower as well. Her figure's so much better than mine, Ukyo thought jealously, turning her gaze back to the wall. Sigh…
"It's a real relief to be done with the engagement business," she said, not above taking a dig at Akane. "I feel like we can be much more natural around each other."
"Yeah..." Ranma's eyes were downcast; a red tinge danced at her cheeks. The dirt came off of her forehead in little rivulets. "I'm glad," she admitted. "I've been… kinda realizin' the whole business makes me irrational. Can't think straight, you know?"
Ukyo hummed in agreement, reaching for a bar of soap, which was the exact moment things went south. The soap slipped from her hands and fell to the ground at Ranma's feet. Ranma reached down to pick the soap up; when she came up, she wasn't paying attention to her head, and she accidentally headbutted the hot water nozzle. The shower sputtered and the water became steamy.
And Ranma changed.
Ukyo stood frozen, her wet hair clinging to the back of her neck, her breasts and privates on full display, staring at the tall, handsome, naked boy who stood in the shower next to her where Ranma had been. Her eyes were wide. She couldn't think. The boy shrieked at the too-hot water, dancing away, a sound that was wrong coming from a boy's mouth, and froze, staring down at his body in horror. Very slowly, he looked up at Ukyo.
"Ranchan?" Ukyo whispered.
The boy – no, Ranma – gave Ukyo a look of pure, abject fear – and more voices came from the door to the locker room. Terrified, Ranma ran across the locker room into a bathroom stall, slamming the door shut behind him, leaving a petrified Ukyo standing under the cold water as the girls started streaming in.
"I can't believe- Oh, Ukyo!" Ami, who sat near her in science, gave her a strange look. "Are you alright? We thought we heard a boy in here."
"I'm-" Secrets. She said she had secrets. And I thought that I had been engaged to a boy… named Ranma… Ukyo, piecing together a picture she didn't like, started trembling. "I'm fine," she lied. "The water's just too cold."
"Where's Ranma?"
"Sick."
The rest of the class piled into the locker room, and Ukyo hurried to get out of the showers. She was so confused. Tossing clothes on in a rush, all-too-aware that Ranma was hiding in a locker, naked, she grabbed Ranma's towel and pressed against the stall door, tossing the towel over the stall door. "Ranma," she hissed. "Are you in there?"
The towel disappeared into the stall. "Yes," came a tiny, low whisper, too deep to come from a girl.
Ukyo squeezed her eyes shut, fighting down her instinctive disgust and anger, forcing herself to remember what a terrible day Ranma was having. I don't want to make it worse. I don't want to make it worse. With every ounce of her self-control, she whispered, "What do you need?"
"Cold water," Ranma whispered, her- his voice trembling. It sounded like she- he was about to cry. "I need cold water. Please."
On unsteady feet, Ukyo went to the sinks and grabbed her water bottle, filling it up. Her hand shook as she returned to the stall and knocked, hearing the latch slide open, and she opened the door just a crack so she could peer in. On the toilet, curled up in a tiny ball, Ranma rocked back and forth, making himself as small as possible. Ukyo stared at him for a long second. He didn't look like a pervert or a sexual predator. He looked like a scared, tearful girl awaiting an inevitable punishment.
She handed him the water bottle. He upended it over his head, and he changed again. His- No, her skin rippled, shrinking. Her hair turned red, and her chest and hips shifted. The change happened so fast that Ukyo only caught it by watching intently, and it struck a note of terror deep within her chest. It was unnatural.
Ranma choked back a sob and buried her head in her knees.
Right then, right there, Ukyo made her decision. I told Ranchan last night I didn't care what she was hiding. I'll stand by that. She'd have time to get the full story later – right now, Ranma was scared and upset and needed her help, and Ukyo intended to be a good friend. "I'm going to get your clothes," she whispered and shut the stall door.
Sayuri shot her a concerned glance. "Who's in there?" she asked, and Ukyo shot her a look. Sayuri's eyes widened, and they both looked at Akane, who was coming into the locker room.
"Oi, Ukyo, what're you still doing here?" Akane snapped. "Where's Ranma?"
Sayuri and Ukyo exchanged a glance. "She's, um, at the nurse," Ukyo said, spinning a fast tale. "Stormed off after I helped her into the locker room, you know how she gets. You better go and apologize to her, Akane."
Akane gave her a rude laugh. "Me? Apologize to her?" Now that Ukyo began to understand the context, Akane's emphasis on the word her made so much more sense – and Ukyo realized that Akane made similar comments about Ranma all the time. How long had the deception gone on? "Not after what she did."
"What did she do?"
Akane sneered at Ukyo and swept out of the locker room.
Sayuri had a knowing look in her eyes, and Ukyo frowned. "You know."
"Know what?" Sayuri was a master at playing it coy.
Ukyo cupped her boobs and jerked her head at the showers. "About him."
"You know?!"
"Found out today."
"So did we." Sayuri blushed. "I mean, we knew, but we didn't know know, and whatever they did last night-"
Ukyo stepped closer to Sayuri and urgently whispered, "She's in there." She pointed at the stall. "The showers, she slipped, and hit the hot water. I, um, fixed her? But she's not okay. I need help. Please tell me you understand."
Sayuri bobbed her head as Yuka came over. "What do we all know?" she asked, far too loudly, and Ukyo and Sayuri both shushed her. "Sorry. Geez."
"Guys, we have to get her out of the building," Ukyo whispered, pulling Yuka and Sayuri into a close huddle. "She's having a crisis, and Akane is clearly making it worse. I don't… She's got a lot of explaining to do once we help her, but we need to get her space. Skip for the rest of the day?"
"Deal," Yuka said, shooting the stall a concerned glance.
"What about Akane?" Sayuri asked. "She'll notice that we're all gone."
"I don't know exactly what Ranma did," Ukyo said slowly, "But given that Akane's the one cursing Ranma out and hurting her, I'm inclined to take Ranma's side. Okay?"
"Yeah."
"Okay."
"Let's do this."
Ranma
Ranma didn't know how long he was stuck in the bathroom stall for, but it felt like an eternity. He sat there in the dark, scared and alone, and never in his life had he felt so disgusting or perverted. Ukyo knew. Ukyo knew everything. Now Ukyo would hate him. He listened to the sounds of girls putting their gym things away, talking and laughing undisturbed, and felt so profoundly like an intruder that he couldn't do anything but sit there and shake. Naked, with the towel Ukyo had brought wrapped around his shoulders, perching above the toilet water he'd almost used to change back to being a girl.
He was stripped to nothing. Never in his life had he felt so low. Not even in the depths of the neko-ken, screaming at the bottom of the pit of furry demons, had he felt so miserable – no, because even then, Ranma had had complete confidence in his art and his father. He had believed his father could save him from anything. But nothing could save Ranma from his body, from himself.
By the time the last of the people left the locker room, he felt numb. He didn't question it when Ukyo gently handed him his clothes, or why Yuka and Sayuri were there. He allowed them to lead him not back into the building but out through the athletic fields to the back entrance, where they slipped into the woods, leaving Furinkan behind. Ranma followed his friends all the way back to Ucchan's, where Ukyo unlocked the restaurant for them and tugged Ranma inside, Yuka and Sayuri following behind protectively.
Not until they sat together in a booth, nursing cups of hot tea and a platter of leftover okonomiyaki, did Ranma speak.
"Why?" he rasped, not daring to meeting his friends' eyes. "Why are you doing this for me? You all… you all know what I am. You saw my curse."
Yuka let out a long sigh, reaching over to take Ranma's hand. "Oh, Ranma..."
"We're your friends," Ukyo murmured. Ranma could see conflict in her eyes, but no hate, no loathing. "What kind of friends would we be if we walked away when you need us the most?"
"I owe you the truth," Ranma whispered, looking at Ukyo. "Especially you. Could you bring over a kettle of hot water and a bunch of cold water? And, um..." Ranma flushed deeply. "If you have pants. That could fit a guy. I don't wanna change when I'm wearing a skirt."
Several splashes and a pair of slacks from Ukyo's cross-dressing days later, Ranma had a captive audience. Yuka watched him with wide eyes, mouthing 'magic' to herself; Sayuri had a thoughtful look, drinking her tea; and Ukyo, strangely enough, was smiling. Settling on his male form, Ranma set the kettles down and gave her a confused look. "What?"
"No, it's just..." Ukyo laughed, shaking her head. "It's crazy, but it's so you, you know? I guess I'm… I should be hurt, because now I realize you've been lying to get out of the engagement, but when I called it off last night I meant it, you know? Now I see that you love Akane that much – so much you would lie about who you are to protect it. I think that's kind of sweet, sugar. And… I guess there's a part of me that's happy that the Ranma I knew when we were kids wasn't a lie. I can happy memories of running around with you as a little boy and of you as a teenaged girl, and they're both real."
"Really? You don't care?" Ranma asked, hardly able to believe it.
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't," Ukyo said. "I don't appreciate how much you kept from me. Or that you lied to get out of our engagement. But about the curse? About you? No. I think it'd be rather hypocritical of me if I did, considering that I went as a guy for so long."
"Sooo… Ranma." Yuka spoke with a caution she normally didn't, weighing every word, but Ranma could tell she was bursting at the seams to ask questions. "What… are you? Like… How do you want us to refer to you? I'm sorry, I really really really don't want to be rude right now, but I'm confused."
Ranma fiddled his thumbs, trying to decide what to say. "I was born a boy," he said, and it felt right. "I don't remember my mom much. Pops took me on a training journey when I was I was little, and we traveled all over China looking for the best training spots. We went to Jusenkyo, the cursed springs, and we sparred there, but I guess he forgot to read the fine print, cause I got knocked in and hit my head. When I got out of the coma, I was cursed. Now I'm a boy when hot water hits, and a girl when cold water hits."
"Like, you're a boy now, but you were a girl earlier? Like in your head?"
He shook his head. "I… I don't think so," he said. "I think what body I'm in doesn't change how I feel."
"And how do you feel?"
"I don't know."
"This is confusing," Ukyo said, slouching back in the booth and sipping her tea.
Ranma shot her an irritated look. "Yeah, how do you think I feel? I'm… I… Everything in my life used ta make sense. I was gonna be a man-among-men, like Pops always said, and take over the school, but then I got this damn curse and it sucks because I don't wanna be that anymore! And I dunno whether it's my curse messing with my brain or if I've just been a- a- an I-don't-even-know the whole time, because I'm supposed to be a boy, and I hate myself for thinking this but I kind of like it!"
Ukyo, Yuka, and Sayuri sat quietly, waiting for him to continue.
"There," Ranma said, barely above a whisper. "I said it. I like the curse. I'm so ashamed of it, but I do. I didn't have the traumatic change, I just woke up and I had the extra body. She looks like me, cause she is me. I- I am Ranko Saotome, much as I've always been Ranma. I know how wrong it is, but I can't help it. Maybe I started going to school as a girl cause I knew Pops wouldn't let me be like that at home. He'd try to beat it out of me, like he does everything else. And I ain't- I don't wanna let that happen. Maybe I only used Ukyo as an excuse. I'm pathetic. So I don't know what I am. I'm a curse. A monster."
"No," Ukyo said in a firm tone. "You're a lot of things, Ranma. But you're not a monster."
Picking up the kettle of cold water, Sayuri gestured to Ranma. "May I?" Ranma nodded, and he leaned over so Sayuri could pour the water over his head without getting his clothes more wet. Sayuri nodded, satisfied, and set the kettle back down, leaving Ranma in his female body. "Do you want to know what I think?" Sayuri asked. "I don't think you've been lying to any of us, Ranma. I think we've been seeing the real you the whole time, and the only lies you've been telling are when you repeat whatever your father wants you to believe."
"But..."
Ranma trailed off, unsure of what he wanted to say. What he was trying to deny. The choice he wanted to make.
"Ranchan," Ukyo murmured. "You're my best friend. Akane loves you. None of us care whether you're a boy or a girl, okay? Just so you know. You should do what makes you happy. If any of us have problems with your curse, or your, um, situation, we can figure them out later."
Happy…
"Akane gave me an ultimatum," Ranma said. "No more code switching. No more lies. Either I follow my father's wishes and uphold my manhood, or I- I start living as a girl full-time, like I- like I really want to."
That was the moment Ranma realized he was speaking the truth. He did. He really wanted to be a girl. He wanted Ranko Saotome to be a real person, a normal girl who attended Furinkan High School and had a girlfriend and was ready to inherit the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. He wanted to be able to stay in his female body without fear of retribution. He wanted his female self to be real, like his male self was.
Ranma didn't hate being a guy. But Ranma hated who he was as a guy. He hated the arrogant, masochistic jerk who looked down on women and wouldn't fight Akane and collected fiancees like stamps. He hated what Genma wanted him to be. He hated the distance, the lack of friends, all of it.
When he was a girl, he had friends and family and a steady relationship and students in the dojo and nice clothes and good grades and a life beyond the art. That girl was a person. That girl was happy.
I am that girl.
Ukyo watched her with a wry but soft smile. "It looks like you've already made your choice."
Taking a deep breath, Ranma met Ukyo's eyes and he- she nodded. "Ucchan," she said. "I screwed up. I said some really cruel things to Akane, and I don't know how to apologize. Can you help me?"
"Of course I can, sugar," Ukyo said, tossing an arm around Ranma's shoulder like it belonged there. "C'mon. Let's go clean up your mess. Yuka, Sayuri, you guys coming?"
Yuka grinned. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."
Akane
It was late when Ranma slunk his way back into her room. Akane laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling, stewing. "So," she said in a dangerous tone. "Look who finally decides to show up."
"Akane..."
"You're a real piece of work, you know that, right?" Akane asked. The shadows were thick in the last of the daylight; the embers of a glorious sunset still peeked through her window. The dying light made everything moodier. "Maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe you really don't care, like your stupid father. Maybe you've been the arrogant jerk you were when I first met you all along, and you just got good at hiding it; maybe I'm the fool for ever loving you."
"Akane, please, look at me."
"What, Ranma," she snapped, swinging to a sitting position. "What more could you possibly have to… say?"
Ranma stood near the door, her hands clasped together over her chest, watching Akane with wide, blue eyes. Her red hair was unbound. She wore a simple, feminine outfit, clothes Akane had never seen before, and she had a hair clip Akane recognized as one of Yuka's in her hair. She was beautiful and vulnerable – around her eyes, Akane could see the telltale signs that Ranma had been crying.
"Akane, I love you too."
Her words took Akane's breath away. As in a trance, she rose to her feet, approaching Ranma, who stood silent, watching her. After two days of anger, Akane's mind cleared in an instant and she truly saw her fiancee. Regret overcame her. She had screamed at Ranma; she had humiliated her; and in spite of her best efforts, Ranma had come back. "Oh..."
"You should know," Ranma said, her voice quiet. "Ukyo knows everything. I told her, Yuka, and Sayuri everything today about the curse. About me. And Ukyo's called off her engagement with me. For good. There's nobody else but you now, 'Kane."
"You did all of that for me?" Akane whispered.
Ranma nodded. "I'm sorry," she said. "I reacted poorly to your food. And then I was a jerk, to say I was better than you like that. That and everything that came after. I'm sorry. I've been thinking a lot about the ultimatum you gave me, and I-"
"No, I'm sorry," Akane interrupted her. The beautiful, sad image of Ranma Saotome that had taken the real Ranma's place. "I shouldn't have pressured you like that. And I should have done it in private, not in front of Genma. I was the one who crossed a line, not you. So you don't have to give me an answer; you don't have to make a decision."
Ranma stepped forward, intent, close enough that she could reach out and take Akane's hand. "But I want to," she said. "I love you, Akane Tendo. Waking up from a coma into an arranged marriage is the best thing that's ever happened to me. When you said you loved me in either form, that's when I should have known how much that meant. There's nothing-" Ranma choked up for a second. "There's nothing you could have said that could have been more- more-"
Reaching up with her free hand, Akane brushed Ranma's cheek, a breathless smile crossing her face as she took in Ranma, her Ranma, the girl she was in love with. "So this is your answer?" she asked.
"No," Ranma said. "This is."
Rushing forward, Ranma pulled Akane into a passionate kiss, wrapping her arms round her body, her fiancee pulling Akane down into her embrace. Without hesitation, Akane kissed Ranma back. Their tongues met, and there were fireworks. She could have kissed Ranma in the center of their bedroom, Ranma's smaller form perfectly slotting into her own, the twilight illuminated their faces, for eternity.
When they broke apart, breathless, it was as though they had never argued. Akane felt her face heat up; red brushed Ranma's cheeks, and Ranma held her eyes, swaying back and forth in place with her. Laughing softly, her fiancee shook her head. "You know, I called myself a lesbian today."
Akane snickered, pulling Ranma into a close hug. "I think we'll have to do that a lot more often, now," she responded. "If that's what you want."
"I- I think it is," Ranma whispered. "I'm so scared. But I think this is what I want. I think I want this more than I care about what Pops thinks."
"I'm here," Akane whispered back fiercely. "Forget the argument. I don't care. I'm here, and that stupid panda will have to go through me before I'll let him hurt you again. I promise."
"Pops isn't going to like this."
"No. He won't."
"Then..." Ranma broke away, taking a deep breath, and she gave Akane a brave look. "I- I don't think I wanna be a boy anymore."
END OF PART ONE
Completed: 6/12/20
Chapters: 22
Word Count: 76k+
Reviews: 160
Follows: 279
Favorites: 179
Views: 43,471
Communities: 5
[A/N] Holy shit. We finally got here. Three and half years, and Ranma's finally accepted her curse! I'm so proud of her, guys, you have no idea. I've had this chapter plotted for a long time, and I can't wait to see what everyone has to say about it.
This is the official HALFWAY point for this fic. Don't worry, there's plenty more to come in Part Two! Shenanigans! Fights! Cologne! Even more angst! Nodoka! I'm so excited – and at this rate, we'll finish by 2024!
Ukyo's really grown as a character here – she's able to put her personal issues aside when she sees Ranma in trouble, because she's a legitimately good friend to Ranma, now that she's put the engagement behind her. I focused on Ranma's extrinsic motivations to be a girl here, because let's be honest, Ranma's not that self-aware yet. Having good friends – good, close female friends, where she had none as a boy – is a primary motivation for Ranma, along with her need for Akane's approval and her true feelings.
Don't think I forgot about Kodaichi ;)
And they finally kissed! Finally. Slow burn is slow.
I like Konatsu, and I've got plans for her. Sasuke is appropriately annoying for a Kuno minion.
Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed chapter twenty! Big thanks go to Alucard45, Beedok, elusivetruth, The Keeper of Worlds, James Birdsong, Compucles, Ergoemos, Lukkai, bobthebuilder27, Dauth12345, BringTheRaenz, and Katt1848 for reviewing!
Holy shit I can't believe I've made so much progress on this one. Goes to show that it doesn't matter how fast you write, it's how persistent you are. 20K a year for three and half years or 70k in one frantic November, the end product is still a novel. How's that for inspiration. Work on those side fics, my friends. They pay dividends.
Remember to tell me what you think!
Much love, Allie