Chapter Fifty-Two:
Times Are Changing

JANUARY 16TH, 2002

0945 EST
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

As everyone got up and filed out of the conference room, the Admiral remained seated. Being his Chief of Staff, Mac sat directly at his right and was one of the last to leave the room.

"Colonel, can I speak with you for a moment?"

Mac, who had just gotten through the process of getting out of the chair, paused and tried not to groan. "Yes, sir. Of course," she went to sit back down, but the Admiral held up a hand.

"You can remain standing," he said. "Or you can sit-whatever more's comfortable."

Mac smiled. "Thank you, sir."

She decided to remain standing while the Admiral spoke. "So, have you decided on what you're doing for maternity leave yet?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm taking the standard amount, sir," Mac answered. "Why do you ask?"

The Admiral shrugged. "No reason, I was just wondering," he sat back and folded his arms over his chest. He looked up at Mac with an expression that told her he had more to say.

"Is that all, sir?" Mac hedged, feeling a tiny kick, as if the baby was wondering the same thing.

"No," he sat up. "Colonel...how do you feel about going on limited duty?"

Mac blinked. "After the baby's born? I suppose I could, but I was really hoping to just take a leave of absence-a brief leave of absence of course. I don't plan on being gone forever-"

"Colonel I was referring to before the baby was born."

Mac couldn't hide her confusion. "Sir, what do you mean?"

The Admiral shifted in his chair. "I was thinking that since you were getting so close to your due date, it may be beneficial for you to take a lighter caseload."

"What?" Mac blurted out before she could stop herself. The Admiral's eyebrows shot up and she quickly corrected herself. "Sir, I was under the impression that I was already under a lighter caseload."

Over the past few weeks, Mac had been beginning to notice that she had less and less work to do around the office. She couldn't (safely) go TAD for cases anymore, and there weren't many cases in the area that were worth her time to handle. No one was intentionally giving her the shaft; it was just the way the cookie crumbled and Mac was trying her best to have a positive attitude about it.

The Admiral nodded. "I'm aware of that Colonel. I was thinking about you coming into the office less. You know, maybe only coming in once or twice a week like Lieutenant Sims did."

Mac's eyebrows shot up. She smiled hesitantly. "I appreciate your concern, sir, but I think I'm fine with remaining on active duty until the baby comes."

"Colonel," the Admiral took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I already had one person give birth in my office, I really would prefer it if it didn't happen again."

"And I would prefer it if I didn't have to report you for discrimination," Mac replied. "But you're making it kind of difficult."

"Mac, I didn't mean it like that-"

"Harriet chose to go on limited duty," she said. "She wasn't pressured into it. It's not a requirement. Not to mention, she still ended up giving birth in your office even on limited duty, so your argument isn't even valid."

The Admiral sighed. "I was just making a suggestion."

"That I'm not taking…sir, with all due respect."

After that comment, Mac forced herself to pause. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to collect her temper before it completely got away from her. "With all due respect, sir," she stated calmly. "I'm not going to go on limited duty. I don't think it's necessary, and quite frankly I don't want to."

"Alright," the Admiral slowly nodded. "You're dismissed, Colonel."

Smoothing her hands over her skirt, Mac turned around and left without looking back. She was headed back to her office, where she was planning on working for the remainder of her pregnancy, just like she always had.

No sooner than Harm sat down at his desk chair, his phone rang. Sighing, he picked up, deciding it would be more inconvenient to let it go to voicemail.

"This is Rabb," he said.

"Hey, sir."

It took a minute for Harm to recognize the voice, but once he did, a wide smile split out across his face. "Skates!" he leaned back in his chair, folding his free arm behind his head. "How have you been?"

She laughed. "I've been good, sir. How are you?"

"I can't complain."

"I bet," Skates said. "I heard about you and Colonel Mackenzie having a baby. I've been meaning to call and give my congratulations."

Harm smiled. "Well, consider them given, Lieutenant."

"When is it due?"

"Early March," Harm actually had the exact due date memorized (March 8th, 2002), but he hesitated reciting it verbatim so people wouldn't think he was too much of an overzealous father-to-be.

"That's good. You have some time to come out here and retake your quals."

Harm blinked. "My quals?"

"Yeah…" Skates replied slowly, as if her reason for calling had been obvious. "I'm in Baltimore on leave and I figured I'd call and see if you wanted to fly back out with me. My XO actually suggested it."

"Your XO?" Harm raised an eyebrow. "Your XO wants me to come out there and fly?"

Skates gave a dry laugh. "Yeah, you're kind of a celebrity out here," she paused. "You aren't thinking about quitting flying now that you're a dad, are you?"

Harm ran his fingers through his hair, suddenly feeling considerably less relaxed than he had been just a few seconds before. "Uhhh…" he scrambled for an answer. "I don't know…"

Ever since his near death experience (Harm called it a 'near death experience' because there was truly no other accurate way to describe it), he could count on one hand how many times he'd been in the cockpit of a plane, and every time he did, it was because he had to. He no longer looked forward to a free weekend where he could drive out to Blacksburg and take Sarah out for a spin.

Of course, Mac being as attentive as she was, had noticed this and asked him about it. Harm had given a good excuse, saying he wanted to spend as much time as he could with Mac while it was still just the two of them. That was true, but it was also a good cover up for the fact that he broke out in a cold sweat when he thought about flying.

After the accident, everyone said he needed to get therapy. Mac told him outright, as did Harriet. The Admiral hinted at it, and even Bud made the casual suggestion. "You almost died, you need to talk to someone about that." "Have you thought about therapy?" "I think you need to talk to someone." "Why haven't you been flying?"

Harm refused to let himself think about how the crash affected him, fully aware that he was doing himself a disservice. He had to focus on Mac and the baby-he could wait.

"You know," Harm straightened up. "Thanks for the offer, Skates. Really. But...I think I'll pass."

"Are you sure?" Skates' apprehension was evident.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure."

Flying was something that could wait, too.

1930 EST
MACKENZIE-RABB RESIDENCE
GEORGETOWN

Mac knew that she should be relaxing, but she couldn't stop replaying the conversation she had with the Admiral earlier that day. That left her rather tense, and heated. Which wasn't helpful when she was trying to focus on visualizing her own labor.

"You should probably practice the breathing," Harm was sitting behind her on the bed, his chest to her back. "Remember the breathing?" he closed his eyes and modeled for her, taking a deep breath through his nose and out through his mouth.

"I think you need to practice the breathing," Mac told him. She looked over her shoulder at him. "I can feel your heartbeat through my spine."

Harm rolled his eyes at her. He reached down and tweaked her hip. "I'm just trying to help. We gotta be prepared, marine."

"Alright," Mac settled back down against Harm's chest. "What's next? Do you need to check and see how dilated I am?"

"Very funny. I'll leave that for the doctors."

THE NEXT DAY

1230 EST
ROBERTS RESIDENCE
ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA

Harm, being the helicopter father-to-be that he was, actually agreed with the Admiral's sentiment. This aggravated Mac quite a lot, even though Harm did agree that he could've gone about it in a more tactful manner.

Without receiving the support from Harm that she desired, Mac turned to the one person she knew would give her unadulterated support. That person was Harriet. However, Mac wasn't expecting Harriet to be a little preoccupied. She'd just gotten around to setting up her laptop earlier that day, and she was still figuring out the ropes.

"I honestly couldn't believe it," Mac said. They were sitting on the couch in Harriet's living room, with Mac at one end and Harriet on the other. Mac was too fired up to notice Harriet was only half-paying attention. "Who does he think he is? Trying to get me to go on limited duty when I don't want to? I'm his Chief of Staff. He would die without me…"

"Uh-huh," Harriet only nodded, her eyes never leaving her laptop screen. She typed something out, read it over, frowned and then pressed the backspace key.

"What do you think? Do you think I should've taken him up on the offer?" Mac asked. She thought over the possibility for a few moments, then scoffed at the absurdity of it. "Of course not," she was speaking mostly to herself, so Harriet ignoring her went mostly unnoticed. "That would be ridiculous. You had AJ in the office, and you were fine-Harriet? Are you listening?"

"Hmm?" Harriet finally tore her eyes away from her laptop. "Yeah...yeah of course I'm listening."

Mac's eyes narrowed. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," Harriet replied, and she went back to typing. Mac watched her, waiting to see if she was teasing or not. After figuring out that Harriet was actually not paying attention, Mac huffed. She reached behind herself for the throw pillow and chucked it at Harriet's head.

"Mac!" Harriet went to protect her laptop before her own head. "What are you doing?"

"What are you doing?"

Harriet sighed. "I'm working on my novel," she looked pointedly at Mac. "Remember? You told me that was a good idea?"

Not enjoying being proven wrong, Mac got to her feet and headed down the hall. Harriet looked after her. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"I'm going to go pee," Mac replied. "Then I'm going to go talk to Little AJ, because maybe he'll listen to me."

Harriet sighed again and shook her head, turning back to her laptop. She reread what she wrote again. Not liking what she saw, Harriet hit backspace again.

THAT SAME TIME
ROCK CREEK PARK GOLF COURSE
WASHINGTON DC

Harm was originally going to spend the afternoon with the Roberts' and Mac, but then Admiral Boone called the night before and said he was coming into town, so Harm naturally made him a priority. Boone was one of those people who rarely ever operated under a schedule. He couldn't make it to Harm and Mac's baby shower, but he did manage to show up on a random Saturday.

Even though Boone did insist he was just in town for casual reasons-he even gave Harm a present for the baby-Harm had his suspicions that the CAG had an ulterior motive. He discovered what that motive was after a few rounds of golf.

"So, what is this I hear about you not flying anymore?" Boone asked.

Harm followed through with his swing, but paused immediately after. He looked over his shoulder at Boone. "Did Skates tell you that?" he asked, turning back to see where his ball went.

Boone shrugged. "I just heard it through the grapevine. The Hammer's son quitting is kind of a big deal."

"Is it?"

"I would say so."

Becoming a father had naturally caused Harm to think a lot about his own father. The man that had been known simply as "The Hammer" to so many had been "Dad" to him. He was the reason Harm had always known he'd wanted to be a pilot, ultimately determining his son's entire life path without even realizing it. Harmon Rabb Sr. had provided his son with all of the pieces to the puzzle, but never lived long enough to see Harmon Rabb Jr. put it together.

Harm shrugged. "I thought it would be better to settle down a little before the baby came."

Boone only nodded, finding himself unable to disagree. Still, he couldn't help but beat a dead horse. "You can still fly and be settled."

Says you, Harm thought with a twinge of bitterness, My grandfather flew and died, my father flew and went MIA. I flew and almost drowned. I'd hardly called that settled.

"I know," Harm said aloud. "But I don't think it's a good idea anymore. At least for me."

He didn't want to tell Boone about the dreams, because surely he wouldn't understand. He'd just clap Harm on the shoulder and tell him to buck up; to be more like his father. Mac didn't even know about them; if anyone was going to find out about them, he wanted her to be first one.

The dreams Harm was thinking of weren't the ones about his forthcoming child, they were much worse. He kept having dreams about the night he was lost at sea. Awful dreams of him being tossed about a dark sea, the salt water burning his throat and stinging his eyes. He would be thrown under by a wave, the water filling his lungs and taking away his breath. The dreams would last for what seemed like hours, until he jerked awake in a cold sweat or Mac woke up him herself.

Awake from his dream, Harm still felt like he was drowning.

"You don't have to give up everything just because you're becoming a father," Boone insisted, and Harm knew in that moment that Boone would never understand where he was coming from. Boone was still grasping at the pieces of Harm's father that still lingered in Harm; he couldn't fathom Harm not wanting to follow exactly in the footsteps of "The Hammer."

"I know," Harm said. "But I want to."

That sentiment was not entirely true. It wasn't that Harm wanted to quit flying; he just wanted the best chance at watching his kid grow up. If that meant quitting flying, so be it.

Sorry for these past few chapters being filler - I promise it'll make sense in the long run! Despite it being kind of filler, I enjoyed writing this chapter. Personally I think it's a little unrealistic for Harm to go through all of these traumatic events and not have any negative repercussions from them, and I wanted to take the time to explore that aspect that didn't get explored in the show. I also think it makes sense for Harm to quit flying - I don't know, what do you guys think?

Also, apologies for updating a day late - I was going to edit and upload last night, but sleep happened :)

Thanks for reading!

-Harper