Chapter Eighteen: Fairy Godmother

The shop bell rung as I stepped into the relative warmth of Jitters.

They've obviously had the place cleaned up since The Pack's vandalism, but I couldn't find it in myself to feel sorry for them. It's not like they were innocent of wrongdoing themselves; they just were innocent according to the law and society.

Well, sometimes society is stupid, and so is the law, I thought viciously, seemingly unable to stop my brows from furrowing. Every time I noticed, I tried to smooth it out, but then I got distracted and the scowl seemed to return like a rubber band snapping back into place.

The employees had already begun decorating for Halloween and little fold-out jack-o'-lanterns littered the cosy coffee shop alongside strands of plastic autumnal leaves. To be honest, it was a little early, but it always is with commercialism.

"Hey Juliet!" Came a cheerful voice from across the room and I spotted Caitlin waiting in an armchair with a steaming mug of coffee. Her bright smile was unexpected and caught me off guard. I was obviously in a 'Mood', as my mother would have put it, and when you're angry and defensive, you don't expect a cheerful welcome from anyone.

I blinked, pausing longer than I should've, and at her raised eyebrows, I walked towards her, taking the grey armchair opposite.

"Uh, hey," I said articulately, still thrown and trying to rapidly shift gears.

You can't be angry at Caitlin; she didn't do anything. My inner voice tells me reasonably, and I try and suppress every negative feeling I'm containing right now to pull a fake smile on my face.

"Are you okay?"

Darn.

"Um, yeah, sort of, I guess?" I said, trying to be both truthful and to deflect her question, and in the process failing both goals miserably.

"Well, that wasn't very convincing." She said, though not unkindly, "Would you like a drink?"

"Yes please," I said, looking at my hands and letting out a sigh, shoulders slumping.

She stood up to order, knowing my usual after all our other sessions. I leant back in my chair, trying to decide what to say, what not to say, how to say it and – and this had gotten way too complicated.

She sat back down sooner than I expected, putting the numbered sign on our table and sinking back down into her seat.

"So, how are you going?"

This conversation is a minefield!

"Uh, fine, I guess. I'm just - yeah, I'm just fine."

I cringe inwardly at my uncertain tone.
I shouldn't have come.

Caitlin snorts, taking a sip of her coffee without taking her eyes off me.

"Fine, lie if you want, but just know that I don't buy it."

"Thanks?" I say, unsure whether I should feel relieved or not.

We drink our hot beverages in silence, and I sink into the soft chair, still feeling hungry and tired, but more enjoying the warmth.

Is Cara right? Am I naïve? Or idiotic for staying friends with people who aren't always on the right side of the law?
I glance across at Caitlin; may as well use her adult experience while I'm here, right?

"How do you know if…" I trail off a little, considering how to phrase this, "…you're doing the right thing?"

Her gaze snaps immediately to mine, but she doesn't answer.

"It's just that, you think you're doing fine, then someone else has a different opinion, but they're not always right, right?" I continued, floundering a little in my attempted explanation. I was worried that this question would require context, but she didn't ask why I was asking.

"Everyone's got their own ideas about what's wrong and what's right. At the end of the day, you need to choose something you can live with when it's all over," She said, eyes on me, but her mind was clearly elsewhere, "You shouldn't suffer regrets because you let someone else decide for you."

"So, you're saying that as long as I think it's right, it's okay?" I asked, frowning into my Chai Latte; that didn't sound right.

"I'm not saying you can ignore your friends or the consequences of your decisions!" Caitlin exclaimed, "Just that…" she sighed, and finished her coffee in one long gulp, as if she wished it were something stronger, "…ah, I'm probably not the best person to ask. Why not ask Barry? Or Joe? They've both got really strong moral compasses."

"They're also not here," I snarked, then caught myself, "Uh, sorry."

She studied me carefully over the rim of her empty cup, elbows on the table and half her face hidden.

"That's true enough," She finally said, slowly putting the cup down, "may I ask why you're suddenly interested in the intricacies of ethics?"

I took a long sip of my drink. This was the question I had been dreading.

When you boiled right down to it, I had broken my promise. Was this just a – a misdirected effort to justify myself? Going to the meeting with Jinn wouldn't have been bad in itself, but I would've had to break curfew and the promise to Cara to do it.

Maybe I didn't owe Cara anything, but what did a promise mean if there was no meaning behind it?

"Is breaking a promise, even for the right reasons, always the wrong thing to do?" I finally asked, studying the grain of the table.

"It'll always be wrong, but sometimes, it's the only right thing to do."

"What?"

"If you make a promise, but then at the last minute, the basis on which you made that promise is turned on its head, like, if I promised to kill a criminal, but then it turned out that person was innocent, should I still kill them? – uh, maybe that was a bad example," Caitlin murmured, pursing her lips.

"I think I see what you mean, but-" I stopped, unsure what to say. Caitlin was talking about life and death. I was talking about promising to tell someone if I break curfew. The stakes were completely different, and breaking curfew to go to the meeting was certainly not a matter of life and death.

I sighed, shoulders slumping, and put my cup down.

"Seems like you've made up your own mind."

"Yeah."

She smiled sadly, "Don't be afraid to admit when you're wrong, or when you need help. That advice could've saved me so many times in the past had I listened to it."

"Good to know," I said, distracted, but then she said something that snapped my focus back like the stinging slap of an elastic band.

"Oh, and while I'm here, have you heard anything about The Pack? We've got nothing, despite Cisco's best efforts."

I could tell her. But then I might never get the chance to find out more. And there were some good people in that group, they were my friends, and I shouldn't turn them in before knowing for sure that what they were doing is wrong, right?

Barry and the others tended to attack first and ask questions later, which was good sometimes, but not now. I might be the only person protecting Dee and Jinn and Oliver and Layla right now. Would it really be right to snitch on them before I knew the full story? Probably not.

"No, sorry."

"Well, you have my number, so let me know if you need anything," she said, smiling and grabbing her purse.

A slightly nauseous feeling rose up in my stomach, but I quashed it. I shouldn't be feeling guilty. I was just protecting my friends, what's wrong with that? And what gives her the right to ask me to betray them in the first place? I did the right thing.

She begins to walk away, but a sudden thought makes me call, "Wait! Uh, I was just wondering, how-" I hesitated as she turned around and I moved closer so no one else could overhear, "-how can I make my powers stronger?"

She raised her eyebrows, seemingly caught off guard by my question.

"Um, I just," I hesitated again, but I'd asked now, so there was no point holding back, "I helped a kid the other day – he was having nightmares – but I wasn't, uh, afterwards I had a splitting headache and I, I should've been stronger," I finished awkwardly.

She smiled with a look in her eye that seemed something like relief and told me, "I honestly wouldn't have a clue, but you seem to get stronger by using it. Not that I'd recommend actively trying to read a lot of minds without permission, but maybe there's another way?"

"But you knew what to do last time," I said, a little confused.

"Uh, actually, I kind of didn't know that time either."

"What do you mean? You gave me a bunch of options and were really confident!"

"Have you ever heard of placebo?"

"…are you telling me that you thought that if I thought I could control my powers, then I would be able to?"

I'm stunned, and a little frightened. How many minds did she risk on that theory?

"Yes?" She said, a little sheepish.

I can't say anything. I can't do anything. The terror I felt so long ago has risen back up in me and I'm sure I'm going to lose control.

Seeing this, Caitlin quickly transitioned into crisis mode, telling me gently, "Juliet, it worked. You've been fine for months. Mind over matter. I only told you now because I thought it would help you to know that, well, that if you think you can do something, you probably can. Within reason of course."

I took a deep breath. And slowly exhaled. Then I snorted.

"You thought asking me to imagine a wall would help me block out people's thoughts?" I asked, incredulous.

"Sometimes the easiest solution is also the best one!" She said, relaxing, "And it worked, didn't it?"

"It did," I acknowledged, running my hand through my hair, which I hadn't bothered to tie up this morning.

"Anyway, my point was, that attitude is a big contributor to achievement. If you don't believe you can do something, that is often the biggest barrier in your way to achieving that goal."

"Thanks, Cailtlin."

"No problem, see you in a fortnight!" She said with a smile and swept out the door.

If I was Cinderella, she'd be my fairy godmother.

I chuckled at the random thought.

Author's Note:

I AM BACK! Yes, you can believe your eyes.

I'm sorry I was away for so long, but EXAMS. The exams are done now, so finishing this tale of telepathy has moved up my priorities list significantly.

And welcome to all those crazy wonderful people who favourited or followed Illusionist while I was away despite seeing the the last update date!

As always, if you are excited about my return, or the chapter, or Christmas, or anything really, please review! You're feedback is literally what got me to remember that this existed as a thing I need to write. I'm not joking. When I am distracted for too long, I procrastinate stuff like this and then it doesn't get done. Point is, PLEASE review :)

Your favouritest crazy fic-writer,

Trix