Chapter 10: Shattered

A/N: Ya'll still hanging in there? :) as always, thanks to the marvellous beta crotchety_old_emu on Ao3.

Two days after the kitchen fiasco, Vision decides he's going to discuss what happened on the Raft with Wanda. He tried keeping quiet, waiting for her to open up the conversation. But, when she goes for her third cup of coffee in as many hours and almost burns herself in the process, he decides it can wait no longer.

"Wanda." She looks up at him and hums her acknowledgment, the shadows under her eyes seeming to grow darker with the movement. "Could I speak with you privately?"

"Uh, sure." Wanda gives him a puzzled look but leads him into her room, anyhow. She shuts the door and sits on the bed, motioning for him to sit with her. "What's up?" She barely gets it out before she's yawning.

"Well... I was wondering," unexpectedly nervous, Vision fumbles. He's gone through a thousand hypotheticals for how to open this conversation. Yet, he can't think of a single one. Until he gets a new idea, "Do you remember what you said to me, after I emerged from the cradle? About how you saw annihilation in my mind?"

"Yes. God, Vision, that was years ago, now. I know it was Ultron, not you."

"Thank you for saying as much." He didn't know he needed to hear it, but now that he has, it gives him the confidence to continue. "I was wondering, could you read it again?"

"What?"

"It's- you said it was different. The way you read minds and the way the channel works. I want to know how, that is, if I'm not overstepping."

She regards him, her eyes searching his for something, but he's not sure what. Presumably, she finds it because she nods, raising her hand to the mind stone in his head.

As soon as the red tendrils extend from her hand, Vision can feel Wanda there, in his mind with him. He can tell what she meant immediately. This is nothing like the channel. By comparison, the channel works more like a telephone. But, this. It's unlike anything he's ever experienced, like nothing he's ever read in a book or seen in a documentary. He's positively gobsmacked. It's astonishing.

Her delight in response to his awe is there in his mind, distinct yet simultaneous. He falls into the sensation, mesmerized, eyes slipping shut, and can feel the mirth it brings her. It makes him think of her laughing, at him covered in flour, at the shows they used to watch together in her room at the compound, at his synthetic amygdala joke.

They both see the memories of her. The way he sees her, resplendent, brilliant, beautiful. The way he feels pure joy at the sight, and the way she feels seeing the same images, wistful and self-loathing. It hurts to endure, the extent of her insecurities laid bare. She feels that with him, too, before withdrawing from his mind.

He feels the loss instantaneously and opens his eyes to see Wanda, tears falling down her cheeks. "Wanda, I'm so-" But the Vision never gets to finish the apology or bring up the Raft, the main reason he'd started all this.

Wanda's shattered. She hasn't gotten a full night's sleep in four nights, going on five. So when she enters Vision's mind, she's thoroughly unprepared for the feedback loop of emotions it generates. Normally, it's a one-way kind of deal. She thinks, later, that she should have known it would be different with him.

She can't help but fall apart at what she saw in his mind, what she felt. She hates who she's become, and this lovely, sweet man, who she now knows adores her, has that knowledge, too. She's exposed. She stops reading him, and it hits her like a ton of bricks.

Right away, he's apologizing. "Wanda, I'm so-" But she doesn't want to hear it. Not from him, of all people. And, when he had no way of knowing, no less.

She cuts him off, throwing her arms around his torso, collapsing into him. He returns the embrace, and it makes her cry harder. She mourns for her parents, for Pietro, for the people of Sokovia and Lagos, for the 11 Wakandans who were only trying to help. And then, finally, she grieves for herself.

Vision holds her through it. Offering kind words, gently squeezing her tighter when she sobs harder. She thinks she doesn't deserve it, not with all the blood and carnage in her wake. But it's so comforting, and it's been so long since she's been consoled by anyone, much less someone as decent and kind as Vizh. She's unsure when, but at some point, she succumbs and drifts off.

It's almost 24 hours after Wanda broke down, and Vision's strung up. It had been a jarring experience, to say the least. Once she'd clung to him, he was inundated with illusions of her thoughts, commensurate to her nightmare. For the second time, he was beholden to observe while she suffered. The death of her parents, her brother, her country, her victims, the fracturing of her spirit. He did his best to keep his footing in the present, to offer as much solace as words would grant her. It took, at minimum, an hour after she fell into mercifully, dreamless sleep to collect himself enough to leave her.

Since then, Natasha's been in to check on her regularly, assured them each time that she's still sleeping. He'd told the team she was upset following their conversation but chose against going into detail. It would have been nearly impossible not to notice the decline in her mental state, the way she'd been isolating herself more. He assumes it reason enough as they accept his explanation easily.

He's sitting on the living room couch, gazing without focus in the general direction of the telly when Sam drops down next to him.

"Do you mind if I change it or are you watching this?"

"No, please, go ahead." Vision passes him the remote without much thought, lost in his head.

"Thanks." Sam flicks through the channels in companionable quiet for a few minutes before he speaks up again. "You must be really worried about her."

"Am I so transparent?"

Sam looks him over and grins, "Not right now. Seriously though, can I give you a bit of advice?" He waits for Vision to nod before continuing.

"I know you guys are close, and it can be hard. But try not to worry so much. It's a good thing she's sleeping so long. That place..." He looks away. "Those guards. The whole thing was brutal. I'm only now starting to feel like myself again, and I spent a long time helping people deal with trauma and PTSD.

Everyone goes through these things at their own pace. And, from what I've been told, Wanda was going through some stuff way before the Raft. That doesn't go away- it compounds. Be patient. She's sleeping because she needs it."

From his research, he knows Sam's advice is sound. Wanda's collapse was inevitable. He doesn't want to be rude, though. "Thank you, Sam."

"You don't sound all that convinced."

"No, I am, or, I believe you, and I appreciate what you're saying. However…"

"You're still anxious?" Vision motions his assent. "About her sleeping, or something else, then?"

"Something else." While he's thankful for Sam's compassion, he doesn't want to betray Wanda's privacy, either. "I'm not sure I could explain... And, as you've said before, I'm not sure it's my story to tell. Suffice it to say, I've been dishonest and I fear the consequences."

"I guess that's why they say 'honesty is the best policy.' You helped save my ass and the rest of us back there. I heard you even picked up Thor's hammer. You're a good person. I'm sure whatever it is, you had a reason for it. As long as you come clean, I'd think everything would turn out okay."

He's about to respond when he hears a door open down the hallway. He cranes his neck over the back of the couch to confirm his suspicion that it is, indeed, Wanda.

Sam gives Vision a pseudo salute with two fingers as he stands. "Good luck, dude."