I hope you all appreciate the return of some of my OCs :)
Again, I ain't making up some dream world where I have any sway over her, but the next day it was like a pilgrimage had opened up in the apartment next door. As I got dressed for work, I could hear the hum of a few different voices. I recognized the one squawking-Blake-but the others were entirely new. A soft, tiny tone was twittering high and wild while the other more tender, melodious one seemed to seep through every time one of the others was quiet. Death, Evans, be more pathetic! Listening to voices like it's any of your business. People aren't just music notes- aren't just songs. Stop being a creep.
The hefty sigh I let out didn't have any space to resound in the hallway especially as the knocking started.
"Oi, Mr. Cool, let me in!"
I grimaced but honestly didn't have a choice. I had to be out that door within fifteen minutes or I would never hear the end of it from Liz so I clomped slow and steady footsteps towards the utterly impatient banging. I opened the door without greeting, just raising my eyebrows to half-mast.
Blake leaned into the frame, ready to cut past me into the apartment. "Come on, let me in," he griped.
"I gotta go to work," I grumbled back.
"Ah, fuck, at least let me get a beer before you go!"
I grunted- which just ended up being something he took as an invitation as he ducked until my arm. I waited, listening to the clink of bottles and the smack of the fridge door. "Hurry up!" I tossed over my shoulder just in time for his spikey head to pop into view.
"Chill," Blake cooed before tilting back the bottle he'd just opened. "I'll just never make it through those three having a reunion without one of these. Technically, I'd rather hang with you, but since you gotta work…" He shrugged amiably enough, but I couldn't stop my eyebrows from wrinkling.
"Hang with me?" I offered before immediately mentally facepalming since there wasn't a fucking chance I could get more self-deprecating.
"Yeah, you seem pretty cool." He chuckled at the word but none of the friendliness left his face. He slipped under my still extended arm again before stopping, his own face suddenly mirroring my own confusion. "Though, I sorta don't get what your deal is."
Somehow the questions kept wanting to pop from my mouth, so I allowed the next: "My deal?"
"Like… you know she's pregnant, right?" Blake hitched a thumb in the direction of the other apartment.
"Kinda hard not to notice," I muttered.
He snorted another laugh. "Yo, seriously, don't let her hear you say that! I called her 'round' the other day-"
"Don't fucking do that," I griped before my lips formed a tight frown.
"What- she's getting bigger every day!" Blake interrupted himself with a good cackle. "But that isn't what I'm getting at. I'm not saying she's going back to that dipshit anytime soon-she better fucking not-but…" He trailed off there to take a long draw from the bottle. Even after his lips plopped off the rim he was silent, giving the beer a swish in his cheeks.
"I'm just her friend." That period came with the clap of my front door, and I only paused to wiggle the knob to make sure it was locked before starting for my freedom. Since there was no way in hell I was going to explain "my deal" to anyone in the fucking universe, let alone the guy she called a brother.
"You're not one of those creeps with a pregnancy fetish, right?"
I paused to toss as much disgust over my shoulder as I could- a sneer partnered with a grunt.
He split his smirk with the bottle for a moment before continuing, "Seriously doubt she's into that kinda stuff."
"We're friends," I hissed before turning back towards the stairs. I got maybe two steps before his laughter was echoing so loud that it was reverberating up my spine. "What?" I snapped as I stopped again, this time only turning enough to get him in my periphery.
Blake shot up one and a half innocent hands, one with a few fingers still keeping his beer in place. "Nothin'. If you're such a good friend though, why don't you say 'bye' before work?" His eyebrows raised in a strange sort of challenge, making the hair tingle at the base of my neck.
Technically, Blake was between me and the door since I'd been trying to beeline for the stairs. It made no sense especially since it wasn't like her apartment was on the way, but… What'll I get if I do that? A smile? A giggle? Maybe… Death, am I so fucking pathetic that I think I'd get a hug out of it? Am I that desperate? No matter how much those questions made my stomach shrivel, I still started the slow steps back in Blake's direction. As soon as I got past him he was on my tail, a shorter shadow as I knocked on her door.
"Blake, seriously-" her complaint came almost instantly and so did the turn of the knob. When the door opened, I got the best view of wide green eyes staring up at me. "Soul?"
"Returnin' what you lost." I hitched a thumb over my shoulder at Blake. As I let a look slip over my shoulder I saw him grinning like a fool, only marring it with another tip back of his bottle.
"Blake!" Her voice peaked with chiding. "I can't believe you!" She half bumped into me to get into the position to grab for him. Blake was nothing more than a pesky fly avoiding a newspaper, zipping past her grasp to wriggle into the tiny space she'd left behind. In the exchange, he'd tipped her into me, leaving Maka to either hit the floor or my arms.
You can imagine which one I let happen.
"I'm sorry!" There was that sweet little mournful lilt to her voice. As if that wasn't enough to make me blush, she didn't seem too inclined to slip out of my grip even after I'd righted her on her feet. "That idiot hedonist- I bet he didn't even ask!"
"Sorta." I couldn't help but laugh, especially as that puffed out the pout in her lip even more. She was impossibly close and I was impossibly lost in it. It was stupid, but even the pace of her breath was nice, the tempo of the rise and fall. And this is what you wanted, wasn't it? Just getting another minute of her in your arms. "Ain't a big deal, Maka."
"It is," she urged back as she threatened to mess up my tie with her fingers trying to find space on my shirt. "And now you're late for work, aren't you?"
I shrugged.
Maka spent one more minute toying with my tie before she stepped back, leaving my empty arms to hover. Her eyes skimmed over my face before looking back over her shoulder with a sigh. Some murmur came from her mouth.
I couldn't help myself, leaning closer to try to catch the end of whatever she was saying. Instead of getting me any clarity on her words, it got me the closest view I'd ever had of her eyes as she turned back towards me. My heart instantly leaped up to get lodged in my throat, leaving me without anything to do but gape and wish for air.
The only movement from her was a bat of her eyelashes before she murmured, "Soul, what are you-"
"Sorry!" I jumped back into the next county, my shoulder knocking into the doorframe as I scuttled back. It was her turn to offer tender hands, grasping at my waist to steady me.
"Hey-" she interrupted herself with a giggle as her fingers still fretted into the sides of my shirt "-after work, come over. I'll make you dinner again."
It took everything I had not to gape again like a fish outta water, just opening my mouth enough to squeeze out: "It'll be late."
"I know." Her answers always seemed to come back not even a breath after mine, just another instance of that go-for-it mentality of hers that I was actually sorta starting to envy. "I'm up anyway- you know that. Plus, another stolen beer-"
I fiddled with her hands, detaching them from my side but finding them fighting for my fingers. I don't want payback. I'm starting to hate that all of this is because you feel sorry for me. I knew I should let those words out into the world, but my courage withered just as much as my stomach.
"Soul-"
"Sissy, come on!" The high note from before was now attached to an angelic face with doe eyes that could probably guilt the devil and golden blonde hair. The little girl ran into Maka's knees, clasping tightly. "Who are you?" she shot accusingly up at me, arms circling Maka as if daring me to try to take her away.
"Shelley-" Maka already had the motherly scolding down pat "-that's not how you ask. Try again."
Shelley started to roll her eyes but Maka cleared her throat, pausing the motion in the little girl. "I'm Shelley. Who are you?"
I snorted a laugh regardless of Maka's annoyance. I sunk down on my haunches, getting face to face with Shelley. "Soul. I'm Maka's friend."
Her eyes shot up to Maka's, clearly skeptical eyebrows rising up her forehead.
"My good friend, so be nice," she ordered.
"Mr. Cool still here?" Blake crowed from somewhere but Maka didn't have a second to answer before the older version of the girl in front of me appeared.
Between 'sissy' and genetics, I could only guess this was her mother. With the way the woman's hands fell to her hips along with an appraising gaze that saw all the way down to my guts, I was starting to place money on that assumption. Maka's nervous smile only piled onto it, making me instantly jump to my feet and offer an all-Wesley greeting. "Sorry to bust in on your family gathering."
She eyed my hand before taking it- fuck did she have a vice grip! I was sure my bones were crumbling to dust but her voice was all sweetness. "Well, you're not who I thought you were, so I guess you're forgiven."
"Marie, this is Soul. He lives next door." She added a little Vanna White whirl of her hand. "And I've already made him late for work so…" On the next revolution, that soft hand came with a firm shove to my shoulder.
"Ah, yeah," I mumbled through half a smile. "Nice to meet you, Marie. Maka, I'll- uh, guess I'll see you-"
"Tonight," she corrected.
Between Maka's urgency and the way Marie's eyebrows raised inquisitively, all I had hoped to do was try to ignore the burning pink of my face. I grumbled something that was supposed to be a goodbye but my panic had me strangled. It didn't help that Marie's giggles were just as strong as Maka's, following me all the way to work.
The storeroom had the two things that I desperately needed: quiet and cold. Which was why I usually found myself meditating in the far left corner every time I was blessed with a break. The girls had gotten to calling it "the time-out corner" but I'll have you know that it was anything but a punishment; well, it wasn't until one of those two, or Death forbid both of them intruded. As I opened one lazy eye in response to the creak of the door, I realized I was in for the rack.
Liz had that deliberate saunter going, the one that told me she was nowhere near mincing words. "What's bugging you?"
I attempted to answer with just a shrug, but let it wither into a sigh as all that did was sour Liz's face and make Tsu drop a knee next to me.
Tsu was doing that thing she always did with her hand, that soft, motherly pat to your shoulder that was supposed to heal all wounds. "Soul, it's not like we're not used to you being quiet-"
"But you're literally mute tonight!" Liz finished that with the oomph it deserved, sans-sweetness. My shoulders moved a millimeter before Liz intercepted my shrug with a not so delicate foot. "You're not getting out of this by playing the strong-silent type."
"We're really worried," Tsu murmured as she continued to nudge me. "Wes hasn't come back yet, has he?"
I couldn't stop the wrinkle of my lip, so I added a shake of my head to finish that idea.
"If you're lonely-" Tsu started.
"Nah." I finally offered a syllable, making them both exchange a look before Liz finally stopped using me as a footrest. "Ain't about them. It's-" Telling the truth-nah, telling anything has always come with as much pleasure as chewing on aspirin. Except for Maka. Talking to Maka always just… I tossed another sigh before turning my head so I could pretend my mumbling was all to the corner. "I got invited to dinner." Any long, simultaneous silence from the two of them was way too unnerving, forcing me to turn my head back to two wide-eyed faces. "Hey, I'm not a complete loser."
"No, that's not-" Tsu shook her head firmly before looking up at Liz.
"So you're happy?" She filled in Tsu's blank with as much disbelief as I'd ever seen her muster.
"Sorta." I knew it was a mistake but I started another shrug. In an instant, Liz was shouldered up to Tsu to make a terrifying wall of concerned faces. "We've had dinner before," I muttered as some kinda disclaimer.
Both sets of eyebrows jumped before Tsu doled out the softest voice, "Is this the girl you like?"
It took at least two agonizingly long breaths before I could manage the lamest reply: "Yeah."
"Alright." Tsu settled those words cheerfully as she popped to her feet, dragging Liz with her. "We'd love to hear about it tomorrow, wouldn't we, Liz?"
Liz's reply was a wrinkle of her lips that matched the divet in her brow. Whatever reprieve Tsu was trying to give me was settling like a stone for her. She let Tsu pull her a couple of steps before she tugged back. "Bring dessert."
"Huh?" I blinked, wide-eyed.
"If a girl is inviting you to dinner all the time you should be bringing something with you, and since I assume the flower conversation went nowhere, maybe dessert is more your speed." She waved a knowing finger in my direction. "And don't skimp! Bring more than one. Hell, tell Ex to make you a tasting plate. I'm sure if you listen to one of his asinine stories for long enough he'll do you a favor."
All I could do was nod, half-starstruck by the suggestion. That's… date stuff, isn't it?
"Seriously, Soul, I better see you leave tonight with two boxes or I'm going to shave that beloved hair of yours in your sleep." Liz continued to spit threats as Tsu led her off, offering me a happy little wave before pushing the older blonde out of the door.
"Dessert," I sighed out to the room. "And you admitted you liked her, you dumbass." I pulled in my legs, giving space for my chin to sit on my knees. I knew the quiet chasm wasn't going to answer me but I waited for some kinda cosmic retribution for my mistakes. When nothing came, I readied myself for another chef story because, well, I kinda had no choice. It was the flowers all over again- or maybe…
My phone was buzzing as soon as I got out of the shower. One glance had me scrambling, almost wiping out as the beads of water plopped to the ground to create a minefield. "Wes?"
"Hello, little brother-" came his usual overexcited call. I could totally say that I hated the enthusiasm, but the need for it was sinking into my bones.
"Hey." I collapsed into my desk chair with the towel lazily wrapped around my waist. There were a million and ten words sitting on my tongue, but none of them would come.
"Did you just get off work?"
"Yeah," I murmured. "It's morning over there?"
"Late morning. Just dropped Reggie off at the play center so that Viv could get some work done. I was traipsing around the park and thought maybe I had the timing right…"
"You're fine."
"Good!" He expelled that signature Wes laugh, the one that you couldn't help but echo, even though mine had that constant nervous twinge. "How was work?"
"Same as always." I started to scratch at the corner of the towel, pulling on a random thread.
"Still at the hotel?"
"Yeah."
"Any new producing prospects?" That came with an upwards fluctuation, that nosing wondering that he knew was going to get him into trouble.
"Not more than usual." Technically, that was the truth, but it was mostly my own fault. Working two jobs left little time for a third, so hunting for projects had hit an all-time low especially since… well, those late-night creative hours were kinda stolen by a certain blonde on a certain balcony.
A hum buzzed over the line, a start and stop breath breaking it before Wes started again, "Have you given any more thought to Viv's offer?"
"Well…" Yeah, Wes, I think about it all the time. Doing what I actually went to school for sounds great. The only problem is what if I suck at it? What if Viv gives me this foot in the door and I end up just getting crushed? How do I live with that? Disappoint her? Disappointing me?
"I know she said you'd talk again when we got back, but…" For a second, he sounded like me, heaving a sigh the weight of his soul. "I'm worried about you."
"Thanks, Dad," I immediately snapped back.
He brushed that away with a huff. "The job's not the issue, Soul- you're stuck."
"I'm fine," I tried to urge back but the word cracked into pieces on my tongue. It wasn't until then that I noticed the wetness on my cheeks, the way those tears had snuck by.
"You don't sound fine." I'd never really heard a likeness between Wes and Dad, but there it was. That wasn't some soft, playful banter, that was an accusation.
While my normal reaction to those-especially from Dad-was a good ol' helping of opposition, I cracked. I blinked out another wave of tears as I rested my head in my free hand. Wes, I'm scared. Wes, I don't know what I want or really what I do want seems all wrong. Wes, I'm sick of this. Wes, I want you to come home. Wes, Wes, Wes! "I gotta go."
"Soul-"
"Bye, Wes." I lowered the phone while hitting the red button on the screen. Next step was tossing it towards the bed-thankfully it landed there instead of crashing and cracking-and listening to it buzz repeatedly as Wes tried to call back. With my other hand free, I simply cradled my head, letting the liquid pool and drip to the towel still covering my legs. Pathetic. That word grated down my spine.
I can only assume I lost track of time, my focus entirely on the saltwater deluge that was populating my cheeks. It wasn't until the knocking started that I came back to my senses. "Did you forget?" Maka's voice was far off but still going strong through the front door.
"No," I groaned mournfully as I stood. I threw the towel on the back of my chair as I went over to the drawers, tossing on a t-shirt and boxers. Wiping my face did nothing but I tried a few more rounds as I padded towards the door. "Listen, Maka-"
"Dinner is way past ready, Soul, and I'm not taking 'no' for an answer-" her voice smacked me through the door, one order after another "-since you have to eat."
A lengthy sigh was useless at steadying my tenor, leaving it wilting and weak. "Just… give me fifteen. I-I ain't…"
"Open the door."
"I ain't dressed."
"Naked?"
"No."
"Then let me in." I'd never even heard that firm of an order from my own mother.
Alright, great. Let her in. Let her see you like this. Time to really pop the bubble, right? Let reality in and let her see exactly how much of a fuck up you are. Air barely stuttered into my chest as I opened the door a crack but left the rest of the momentum up to her.
I barely got my hand away in time before Maka barrelled through the door, eyes already narrowed in annoyance at being left. As soon as she honed in on the red rings around my eyes and the flushed cheeks, inertia suddenly stripped away from her. "You're crying."
It wasn't a question so an answer seemed unnecessary, but I sorta bobbed my head in agreement as I turned away from her. Staring at the wall, I waited for the door to shut, for her to be gone, for me to crawl back into whatever hole I'd been creating over the past year. Instead, it was the last thing I was expecting: delicate hands sliding around my waist, pulling my back firmly to her chest even with the awkwardness of the curve of the baby stuck between us. Oxygen was a thing of the past. Even considering breathing was out. There wasn't an iota of space, no place for me to convince myself this wasn't her trying to comfort me- reach me.
"What happened?" she murmured against my spine, leaving a chill in the wake of her words.
"I-" was all I could croak, especially as a fresh wash of tears rolled down my face.
"Maybe it's none of my business-" her arms were so tight around me they should have been threatening to suffocate but instead it held me together "-but I want to help. Please."
I used the back of my hand to clear my face, pulling in a breath that wasn't shallow even with her squeezing me. "I'm pathetic."
"Crying isn't-"
"Nah-" I chuckled ruefully "-crying ain't the problem. I just… never do anything right." That was the understatement of the year but was about the same as tearing my heart out and handing it to her. This was something no one was supposed to see, let alone the girl that was starting to creep into my thoughts more often than not.
And instead of some overboard reaction, Maka just held me and waited in total silence beside the repeat of her breath against my back.
My feet were slipping into quicksand, my knees starting to wobble as I was pulled under by every last feeling I'd ever swallowed. "I used to think I was cool." How that fucking ripped from my throat! "Twelve- thirteen I was fine but… the more I grew up, the more I started being not enough." Bitter laughs bubbled out just to pull more tears. "More I started realizing I was just a useless second to my brother."
Maka's hands moved but her lips didn't. The gentle way her fingers spread over my heart, holding it in place and keeping all those jagged little edges from crumbling meant more than words.
"It ain't his fault," I croaked before trying to clear my face again. "And I don't blame him for living his life-he deserves it-but it'd be fucking great not to have the comparison."
"Who compares you?" she murmured.
"Parents," I grunted back. "But even not talking to them for a year, I still hear it in my fucking head. I don't even need 'em here, I got whatever they'd say on blast in the back of my mind no matter what I do. That's why-" Fear cut the spill. I was trying not to let the intimacy of it seep in, but in my silence she opened her hand, tapping impatiently at my chest. Is this the way friends touch? Is this what comforting is?
Finally, her whisper puffed against my back. "You second-guess yourself into staying frozen?"
It wasn't the first time my words had been used against me, but it was sure one of the shittiest.
"Soul…" She released me and to my surprise it was then that I couldn't breathe, the constriction of her arms not stealing my air but making it easy to pull in. In the absence of her, I was going to fucking pieces. Before I could give that the panic it deserved, her hands were on my arm, manually turning me. I wanted to have control over the momentum but it all disintegrated as soon as I got a flash of her eyes in my periphery. "There's plenty of cliche things to say: you matter, you're not pathetic, you're enough. Except that doesn't fix it or really mean anything does it?" Maka heaved a sigh but her fingers didn't drop from me, just running down my arm until she could pull my hands into hers. "So I guess I don't care how selfish this sounds, but you're useful to me."
Usually, I was a pro at keeping that mask in place but it had entirely washed away with my tears, leaving her to see wide eyes and a trembling lip.
"Honestly, I don't know what the past few months would have been like if you-" She cut off with her own look of surprise before a muted bit of her smile appeared. "You're not stuck." That came with all her textbook surety like it'd been written in the stars. "Would someone who's stuck have played for me?"
I wrinkled my lip but couldn't give a reply.
"Or offered their name?" She squeezed at my fingers with all of the excitement of a kid seeing Santa. "Or even bothered to answer my questions? To talk and ask me to talk back? Is all of that someone who wants to stay exactly like they are?"
I could only shake my head- and it honestly wasn't about just pleasing her. While I rarely hung on to rational arguments about me, I latched onto her words just enough to let them settle. It's true. No matter how much I bitched about it in my head, I did it. I stepped forward because… because it was her next to me.
"So for a second-" she murmured as she blinked up at me expectantly "-can you give yourself a break? You're a good person, Soul. I-I like the person that you are, and while Blake's probably out there somewhere cackling about how I like just about everyone, it's more than that. It was easy with you." A bit of mystery was wrinkling her brow like she was trying to read the fine print on my face.
What are you seeing right now? What do you see when you look at me? Those questions were dying to be off my tongue but I swallowed them bitterly instead. So much for moving forward, huh, Evans? Prove her wrong just as soon as- for once, I swallowed that too. Small steps- I pressed back with whatever determination I could muster. "Thanks."
"You're welcome," she chirped back immediately. "Dinner?"
I sucked in a wobbly breath. "Guess so."
"Come on." She dropped one of our connected hands but kept the other to pull me forward. We got a few steps before I slowed to a stop.
"Maka, I sorta gotta get dressed."
Her head popped over her shoulder to look me over, a little bit of pink coming to her cheeks. "Oh! I-I forgot. Sorry!"
That last bit of heaviness was fluttering away and I let the urge to chuckle take me. That was cute… I tried not to hear or feel the doubt rattling around that. Don't fall down that hole, Evans. You said you were gonna squash it. I bit back a sigh as I turned and slipped my hand out of hers to walk back to my bedroom. I tossed on yesterday's jeans as quickly as I could, coming back to find her waiting patiently in the hallway. "One more thing…" I muttered, sure that my cowardice was going to catch up with me as I moved to the kitchen.
"Soul, you better not be stalling-" there was that motherly scolding again that she was just too good at. "At this rate, you can't complain if dinner is cold."
"I ain't-" I got enough of a growl behind that to sound annoyed. "Have a little patience. Jeez, a guy tries to do something nice…" I let that drift off as I stuck my head in the fridge, getting both hands steady on the stack of boxes. I'd listened to enough stories to earn me a sampling, just as Liz bossed. "Here," I grunted as I handed them to her over the door of the fridge.
"I made dinner," she griped instantly, part of a frown pulling down her lips.
"It's dessert," I corrected with just as much grit as I could manage.
Her eyebrows jumped. Regardless of the cold exhaust hitting my center, I couldn't stop the fiery warmth that settled as her smile erupted. "Seriously?"
"Seriously."
A contented hum buzzed up from her chest as she started to peek into the top box.
"Ah ah ah-" I snapped the lid closed, brushing her fingers away in the process. "No dessert until after dinner." I closed the fridge as her giggles started to fill the kitchen. As we walked over to her apartment, she kept passing that blazing grin at me from over her shoulder. Each stolen glance made my heart beat out of time since I was losing the battle. I guess I had been kidding myself all along to think I had power over this- that I could convince myself of anything other than the truth: this was more than just some stupid crush.
The fucking question was still the same though: was this really what she needed?