Technically, I should have been working. I did catch up on all my emails and then made one or two calls that couldn't be avoided but my eyes kept flicking to the journal that I'd moved to my desk. I flipped open the cover and picked up the business card again, weighing the stock paper between my fingers. Maybe it's just an editing thing. She knows it's my work, right? So why not look and give my professional opinion?

The card slipped from my fingers, wobbling back to still against the open cover.

Or maybe it's just a fan thing. Appeasing my stupid gushing.

I tapped it again, trying to urge the paper to give me an answer.

Instead, the doorbell jingled, bringing me some reprieve from my compulsion. There was no reason to hurry my steps, assuming that it was some sort of perfunctory thing or, even worse, Papa deciding to stop by unannounced. I steeled myself for the latter as I unlocked the door and swung it open. My practiced scowl of disappointment instantly fluttered away as I was met with red eyes and a soft grin.

"Hey, sorry to bother you." He was surprisingly casual today, a stark contrast from his usual swanky hotel uniform. I don't think I'd ever witnessed him in gym clothes-a gray hoodie, basketball shorts the color of his eyes, and crisp white sneakers-but it fit him better, making it hard to look back up at his face.

"Oh, no, it's fine." Embarrassment was starting to make that warble as I realized how long I'd been tracing the image of him rather than his face. Oh, Death, this is getting bad. I snapped my eyes back to his face but only got lost in the thin black headband that was keeping his bangs at bay.

"You OK?" He reached for me, nudging my arm gently. "You're kinda spacing."

It's easy to space when you look… handsome. I swallowed a groan at my own ridiculousness. This has to be some new hormonal thing. Just some stupid pregnancy need that I definitely can't fill. Because there's no way he'd even look at me like this, not when… I answered that thought with a hand smoothing over the globe of my stomach. "Still a little tired, I think. Last night was sort of more exciting than usual."

"Yeah… about that…" His chest rose with slow concentration of breath before he spoke again. "Viv told me about leaving you that note and- listen, you don't have to-"

"I want to." The answer flew without any editing, making both of our eyebrows jump slightly.

"Oh." His hands shoved into the pocket of his hoodie as his brow furrowed and forced his eyes away from me.

My heart was starting to clamor in my ribs. "Unless you don't want me to?"

"No, that ain't it," he muttered quickly but punctuated it with a sigh. I watched him chew over a few sentences on his tongue before he continued. "I-I hope you have a good time."

All of the shuddering in my chest faltered, leaving me feeling oddly hollow. "What?"

"You…" He seemed to sigh at his own way with words, a common occurrence during all his starts and stops. "It's sorta like you said. You deserve to be happy, Maka. I think- yeah, I know you're happiest when you're around other people, so I hope this helps."

That surety of nakedness was back, his words stripping away what I thought had covered me. There wasn't any hope of protesting the truth, but it was so painful coming from his mouth. Am I even able to hide things from you anymore? Does that mean you see through me even now and know how stupidly infatuated I am with you? How idiotically tangled up in this daydream I am? Is that the one thing you're kind enough not to bring up?

Through my questions, he teetered on his heels, taking a step back. "Well, I gotta go pick up Reggie. I hope you have fun with Viv- whenever you go." He was quick to turn on his heels, strangely not waiting for some kind of reaction from me.

I let him get halfway towards the door for the stairwell before I couldn't keep my lips from anxiously popping open. "Soul!"

A wiggle of surprise ran through his brow as he turned to me.

"Come by tonight?" I offered, waiting to see tiredness threading there instead of surprise. "You can tell me about how your day went with Reggie. And maybe… maybe coach me a little for Viv. I'm afraid I might go full bookworm on her."

He snorted a laugh, that dangerous smirk creeping up his cheeks. "As if I could break you of that." His eyes focused on me, his face only growing worse, drilling a hole deeper into my heart. "But yeah, see you later."

I watched him continue back on his trail to the stairs, disappearing in the entryway. Stopping my sigh as I leaned against the doorframe was pointless so I let it bluster past my lips. You're clutching to a fantasy, Maka Albarn. I sunk back through the doorway, easing the door shut with another slow leak of breath. Again, stick to the dream that can come true- going to lunch with your favorite poet. That thought only partially settled the last, giving me just enough energy to force myself back to my desk. While curiosity was still killing me, I picked up the card instead and typed the numbers into the screen on my phone.

Only one ring droned, not even giving me enough time to second guess before Viv's pleasantness saturated the other end: "Hello?"

"Hi, Viv, it's Maka."

"Maka!" A rush of joy laced with sweet surprise gave her voice wings. "Oh, I really wasn't sure if that was being too forward of me. Soul didn't scold me, which I thought meant I was fine, but-" She clipped her rambling worry with an airy laugh. "And see? I can't even properly greet you before I just blab on about my own panic. How are you? Not too tired I hope. We were terrible for keeping you up so late."

"Oh, it's alright." It was moments like these I wished for the antiquated phones from my childhood so that my fingers had something to twirl rather than just running along the desk. "I never got morning sickness, but it seems like insomnia has been my main symptom so I don't sleep all that much to begin with."

A soft, thoughtful hum buzzed on the other end before carefully arranged words filtered through. "I only got that in the third trimester. It was because Reggie was constantly on the move. I don't know who was antsier for Reggie to be born, the boy himself or Wes. Or Soul, actually. Maybe a three-way tie."

That delicate image of Soul dusting a kiss over Reggie's sleeping brow drifted over my mind without much beckoning. "Soul was… around a lot after Reggie was born?"

"Oh, he lived with us-" The correction came quickly but even more swiftly was the amendment "-but I think that's better left for lunch, Maka. That is if you're up for it? You don't even have to read the poems-"

"I want to!" While that claim for Soul had come weakly, this I uttered with reckless excitement. Being a fan was so much easier than being a deluded, dreaming pregnant woman. "And I will, but maybe Saturday for lunch? I'd love to give you the time you deserve…"

"Saturday it is!" She chimed back instantly. "I'll meet you at noon. Wear some comfortable shoes because there are a few places I'd like to take you."

A few? How that panicked squeal reverberated in my brain. "Oh, sure, of course." Wow, Maka, eloquent! Please, continue to wow her with your intellect! "I'll see you then."

"Yes, I look forward to it! Goodbye, Maka." A pleasant little hum followed until there was a click.

I dropped the phone and opened the journal, trying to fill my head with questions about what was on the page rather than the history of his life.

His hair flopped soggily, fingers trying to tease the wet strands out of his face.

"You do use towels, don't you?" I flicked a dripping bang from his face, earning me a sneer.

"Ha-ha-" he punctuated each sharply as he swatted away my hand. "Can't help it. Too thick. Holds a bucket of water on its own. Anyway, had to shower first- Reggie had me sweating all day." He leaned back on the couch, already feigning something close to sleep.

With his eyes closed, I took the opportunity to push to standing, starting towards the bathroom. I assumed he must have given me a glance, but my trajectory kept him quiet- never question the number of times a pregnant woman has to use the restroom. I didn't bother closing the door, rummaging through one of the little cubbies in the medicine cabinet. Once my quarry was found, I hid it in my palm, hoping for his laziness to still be in full swing when I exited.

Without even a hint of suspicion, Soul was still laying back as a yawn stretched his lips. Instead of trying to squeeze back into the loveseat with him-which was becoming a tetris-like feat now with the size of my belly-I slipped behind him, my stomach hovering just behind his head. Giving him warning would have ruined the fun of it so I swiftly sunk my fingers into his hair with one hand and unsnapped the clip with the other.

"Hey!" His eyes shot open but he froze, fingers digging into the upholstery.

"Stop complaining," I chided. It was just one simple twist before I slid the clip into his hair, matting back the still damp bangs. "There, out of your eyes. You're welcome."

"I probably look like a fool," he muttered as he narrowed his eyes at me. "Be honest, how stupid does it look?"

"Scale of one to ten?" I raised my eyebrows.

"One being total dork." He was trying not to smile but that deadly smirk was tugging up one corner while his ego tried to negate it.

"Ten," I chimed happily as I slid both hands to his cheeks. "It actually looks kind of handsome." Color exploded across his face, bringing a depth to his eyes that I couldn't help but fall into. "Or at least better than the drowned rat look you were going for." I tapped at his face before releasing him. You realize flirting doesn't work, right? You're just embarrassing yourself and him.

"Next time, warn a guy," he grumbled before he sat up to put enough space between us that reaching for him again would require a stretch. I was about to internally sigh over the distance when he slid his phone from his pocket. "You-you wanna see the pictures with Reggie today?"

"You actually took pictures?" I couldn't keep the skepticism from my brows as I leaned closer.

"Sit down, there's plenty." He motioned next to him, instantly earning my movement. He was no longer lounging, leaving just enough room for me and the baby. As I sat, he simply plopped his phone into my hand, camera reel open. "And no, I didn't. Reggie did. He fucking loves it. I don't understand what the fuss is, but he'd take one a minute if I'd let him."

While Reggie was no Ansel Adams, most of the photos had some kind of focus instead of just some indiscriminate snaps. There was a myriad of bugs, a variety of leaves in all spectrum of color, and finally a few of his uncle trying not to get his picture taken. I settled on one with Soul on a park bench, his chin in his hands as he tried to stubbornly grimace for the camera. Really, a corner of his smirk was there, that beautiful shine of amusement twinkling in his eyes.

Oh, Death, Maka Albarn, what is wrong with you? My lips crinkled to stop the sigh. You really are desperate, aren't you?

"C'mon, not those," he complained as his finger forced the screen to another snapshot of a beetle. "Hey, do you think he's old enough for a camera?"

I hummed through serious thought. It was refreshing to have some kind of logical interlude from my embarrassing borderline obsession.

"And not one of those stupid kiddie ones…" Soul retrieved his phone from my fingers but kept his close lean to share the view. He flicked over to the browser, a tab open on a sturdier-looking digital camera. "It's sorta made for outdoors I think, so if he drops it, it ain't the end of the world. But I don't wanna give him some little kid thing. I think he's good enough-interested enough to have one of these."

Death, it made my heart heavy. This was a deep mire in my mind- a mess of emotions almost completely inextricable. There was definitely a healthy dose of envy-could he ever love me that way?--but mostly drowning in admiration of all of him. This man was dedicated, loving, attentive to each and every need of those he put under his care and… he's wasting it on me. "I think that'd make you his favorite uncle."

"His only uncle," Soul snorted in reply. "So you don't think it's too much?" He was studying my face, making my gut churn with the terror of him seeing right through me.

I nodded, trying to produce a steady smile. "I think it's a great idea."

That spine-tingling grin was back on his face. "Thanks." He dropped his eyes back to the phone to take one last glance before blackening the screen. Even with the distraction gone, his arm stayed lounging against my leg. "So… did you talk to Viv today?"

"I did. We're going out Saturday."

"Cool." He nodded along with that, but the quiver of his lip subtracted from the security of that statement. "She say where?"

"A few places, apparently."

He sighed. "Yeah, that's Viv."

"Should I take an overnight bag?" I laughed dryly since his smile had waned.

"Nah, just…" The turn of his head was slow, his eyes lingering over my face as if what he wanted to say was written there. "Like I said, have fun, OK? Let her take care of you. She likes to do that; it's sorta her thing."

I tried to resist it, but my hand crept over the top of his, getting what I could of his fingers around his phone. "Is that why you lived with them?"

His eyebrows instantly jutted up, jaw cracking open to release a slow bit of air before murmuring. "She mentioned that, huh?"

It's not your business, Maka. That reminder crumbled to bits as he dropped his phone, allowing for my fingers to tangle in his. "I asked if you spent a lot of time with Reggie and that was her answer."

He cleared his throat before it bobbed through an unsteady swallow. "When you and I met, I'd been here for a year. Moved out because they were going to be on this European tour, so…" His eyes scanned towards my bedroom, looking for the balcony. "Coming back to that empty place hurt a lot more than this."

If his words weren't enough, it was as if the oily sorrow was leaking through his fingers into mine. "Soul…"

"Guess that's why I reacted that way when I saw 'em." He smiled ruefully. "A little over a year without 'em. I hated that."

I wanted to reach into his chest and patch the wound even though I knew there was no substance known to man that could fill that kind of hurt. "Why didn't you go with them?"

He shrugged and a laugh just as lame parted his lips. "I thought I was doing OK. They thought I was doing OK. I was a lot better anyhow, or at least a lot better than…"

The pause grated into my bones, holding back all my air with its longevity. It's not my business. It's not my business. Death, I want you to tell me. It's not fair. I can't do anything for your pain like you do for me, but if you'd tell me-

Red eyes hazy with the start of tears snapped to mine. "Sorry. Bringing up stupid shit that doesn't matter."

"It matters, Soul," I murmured and put all the strength of those words into a squeeze of his hand. "If you want to talk about it, I'll listen."

His glance fell to the connection before sinking towards his lap. "I-I didn't want to get married."

The word rang like a slap to my cheek.

Soul's shoulder's collapsed as his head fell into the hand that wasn't desperately anchored to mine. "Can't even tell you why we were together other than some rich kid arranged marriage. Her parents wanted it. My parents wanted it. Pushed together since we were kids and… I just let it happen." His gale of a sigh rattled into a rough clearing of his throat. "I let a lot of things just happen."

"No-" I forced the weak murmur from my lips "-since something tells me you're not married right now."

"Nah." A laugh trembled up from him, raising his head with the force of it. "I broke it off just before, but that meant nobody wanted anything to do with me anymore. Or at least I thought so. Viv sorta… changed that." His eyes crept along my hand, stopping at the wrist. "She brought me to live with 'em. Made up some excuse about needing help with Reggie like I was some nanny or something. Really, she just tried to glue us all back together. Me and Wes. All of us as a family."

My other hand slid into his view, moving to cradle his hand in both of mine. The real pull was to engulf him in my arms, but the set of his shoulders was still strangely stiff. Something about him was closed off and I didn't dare try to force it for fear of breaking it.

He sighed. "Just sorta thought that I'd never get love. Took practice with Viv, Reggie, Wes, but it felt like maybe it started to take. Then they left." Soul shook his head, a glum smile pulling at his lips. "How selfish, huh?"

"What's selfish about it?" I couldn't stop the immediate attack, almost sure that I'd misheard.

"Just taking what you ain't good at giving back." His red eyes finally flashed at me, his smile entirely eaten up by his sorrow. "I've never been good at loving someone."

Liar! I wanted to scream, to shake him desperately with my words and my hands. How can you be so stupid? How can you not see that you are? I pulled in a breath to temper it down from a scream. "I don't think that's right."

He was frozen in utter dullness and it was the blankest I'd ever seen his face. Only his silence followed, leaving him entirely still.

"When I first saw you with Viv-" that heartbreaking truth ripped at me again "-I knew you loved her. It was obvious. And it was obvious she loved you, so you can't be bad at it. Not when it's so plain."

He dropped his eyes to the floor with just a scant shake of his head.

"You can say the past tense," I offered as if it was my place while I worried with his fingers. "Maybe the old you couldn't, but… I've only ever seen you capable of it. Good at it."

His eyes followed hardwood as if he was memorizing the grain. I almost wasn't sure whether or not he'd taken a breath or if he'd just ceased the need. Soul was so dug into himself that I was afraid he'd never come back, that this hand was the last little piece I'd have of him and then-

"You-" He cut off to finally pull in a breath to prove his lungs worked. His eyes shut with the inhale. "You hungry?"

"What?" Whiplash was easier than the change in conversation but one look at the strain in his face told me I was right-forcing would break him.

"You didn't eat dinner, did you?"

"No." I worried my teeth into my lower lip but he was completely elsewhere.

His heels tapped twice before he used them to launch to his feet. "Let's go."

"Out?" There was that tangled web again. You and me, eating in public? You being seen holding the hand of a pregnant girl? If you hold my hand. If I can even stand it.

"Yeah, out." He tugged my hand but his eyes were all for the door.

No, no, no, no, no! Because all you're going to be able to think about is whether or not this is-exactly what it's not! But cabin fever had my every last nerve alight. "OK." Leaving the house had been about odds and ends-doctors, errands, groceries-besides a few times with Papa. This was us, going out, being together in public. Each little bit of exhilaration was laced with terror-with that feeling of a bubble about to break. "Just nothing too spicy."

"For you," he corrected. The playfulness brought some life back to his grin. I waited for the release of my hand but he just continued to tie me to him, bringing me to my feet and then towards the door. He only left enough time for me to slip on my shoes by the mat before opening the door. He just wouldn't let go, and I wasn't willing to be anywhere else.

I walked into the quiet cafe clutching at the journal like a talisman, hoping for the eloquence of Viv's writing to somehow leach through my fingers and unlock the tangle in my head. Everything about her again was stunning, her hair down in natural waves accompanied by a gauzy white boho gown adorn with intricate green stitching to match her eyes. Before I could even open my mouth she was up, rushing towards me in the same fashion as if I were Soul, not just carrying around all my feelings for him.

"Maka!" She paused just before reaching me, arms swaying from wide to short at the last minute. Her hands fell over mine on the book. "It's really lovely to see you. I hope you don't mind…" She wasn't all that interested in clutching the book, just freeing it so she could have one of my hands. "... I already ordered some tea, decaf of course. I honestly couldn't go back to caffeine after I gave it up for Reggie." Viv settled me in a seat before returning to her own, only then giving up my hand as she sat. The journal flopped lifelessly to the table.

"Tea sounds wonderful. Thank you for inviting me." I nudged a finger towards her pages. "I'm sort of still a little awestruck, to be honest."

That tension bolted through her shoulders again as her hand lifted from the table to cover the pinking on her cheeks. "And I'll be honest that I still think Soul's somehow put you up to this. He learned teasing from his brother and Wes is the best at what he does, so…" She raised her eyebrows at me, awaiting the verdict.

I laughed softly, waving hands in innocence while I let it chime. "No, really! Soul definitely kept it from me. He mentioned you all but not who you were. I've been a fan since you debuted in the Death's Journey Anthology."

Instead of placating the shock on her face, it exploded, her mouth gaping momentarily before shaking her head to snap it shut. "No! Oh, that was the beginning. I wrote that-"

"-amazing poem: 'A Dirge from Nightingales.'" I couldn't resist finishing for her. "That poem-you can't even imagine how much I needed that poem. I'd just lost my mother and-" There it was, the waterworks again! It was almost impossible to keep my eyes dry and with the background noise of a date that wasn't a date with Soul last night and the ever-approaching arrival of my baby-my son-I wasn't anywhere near being able to scare the tears away.

"Oh, darling…" She was instantly reaching across the table, napkin in hand as an offering. "That makes sense then." I took the gift and as her hand freed it moved to my elbow, tapping sweetly. "I wrote that and then the whole collection-your favorite--after my brother died. Mourning him was all through those poems. Losing love unexpectedly."

I dabbed at my eyes. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Viv was quick to chirp as her fingers caressed my arm again. "Rémy was very important to me, just as I'm sure your mother was to you. Tears for that isn't something to be sorry for; I still cry for him, after all. I definitely did when I was pregnant." Her eyes drifted momentarily, a hesitant smile starting to curl her lip. "But new life helps. Reggie helped me, so maybe your darling little one can do the same for you."

Jack. It was somewhere between a plea and a prayer. I knew that I couldn't ask him to fix everything-that's not a child's job-but I was at least hopeful that Viv would be partially right. Having Jack was something-not a mistake. We let that silence drift, the waitress coming by with the tea and pouring with that awkward lack of eye contact with the tearful pregnant woman. Even if I hated it, I was already used to it at this point. After all, how many times has Soul seen you cry? That was definitely not the line of thought to dry my tears, leaving me with one more brush of the tissue before I could quell them.

Viv's hands slipped back to her cup, both wrapping around it to sap the warmth right from the ceramic and into her smile. "So, I meant to ask: which publishing house are you editing for?"

"Oh, I don't know if you'd even know it: Spartoi Books." I watched her nod as I sipped my tea.

"And your art- have you had a show at all?"

A groan leaked out of my throat. "That's where I think Soul is teasing you. I just- I loved the flowers he gave me so I just wanted to hold on to them." The heat and color were flushing at my throat but I couldn't seem to stop the spill. "I've done it a few times before and that one probably came out the best, but it was really about saving them."

"That's so sweet," she murmured. Her eyes blinked with slow thoughtfulness as she stared at the amber liquid in her cup. "You've known Soul for some time, then?"

The question was a bitter pill on my tongue. There were layers, a dangerous minefield of insinuations about timelines. It wasn't as if I could see it as some dastardly accusation either since Viv's face only denoted sweet concern, maybe a smidge of curiosity. "I was two months pregnant when we met. The baby isn't-"

"I know," Viv cut in as her smile leaked away. "I know it's not. He-he doesn't…" The cup clinked back into the saucer, freeing her hand so it could cover her lips. She hid a shaky breath there before dropping it to her lap. "I'm sorry, Maka. It's really none of my business, I know, but you have to understand-" her words were a flood barely held at bay "-he's so fragile."

"Stuck," I murmured, but it hit her like a bullet.

"Yes." Her hand slid up to her chest as if to try to close the wound. "I have to admit that I invited you because I just- I needed to know. I lost Rémy and I can't stand the idea of losing Soul too. They're both the same, you know? Always-always giving in to what others want at the expense of themselves. I thought maybe at least Soul was getting better, but then we left and… he's alright, isn't he?" A rattle of desperation quaked through the question.

Giving in to what others want at the expense of himself. How many times has he done that for me? How many times am I going to let him be stuck just for the sake of keeping me company? While I had been scared of my tears never drying just moments before, my ducts turned to ice at the thought. He was moving forward, and now I'm holding him back. I can't do this to him forever. I forced my muscles into the best smile I could manage. "He's getting better. And now that you're home, it'll be a lot easier for him. He loves you- missed you."

Viv's mirrored my grin as best she could. "It was a mistake leaving him, but you're right. He'll move forward. He has everything he needs now."

His family. I swallowed all the self-pity I could imagine with a sip of tea. There's no reason for me to keep being so selfish. He deserves his happiness too.

His snickers filled the apartment as soon as he entered. "Why the hell are you sitting like that?"

I'd actually been half asleep and while his entrances usually brought some kind of exhilaration, this one felt like another stitch popping open in my heart. "My legs hurt," I murmured mournfully as I flexed a foot over the side of the couch. Resting my ankles on the arm had done nothing and I had scooted to get my calves underneath instead, but it hadn't abated the pain.

"Cramps, huh?" Next thing I knew his hand was tentatively tapping my ankle. "Viv used to get 'em."

My elbow lifted, unveiling my eyes so I could blink up at him. Her name just brought back the afternoon, the tenderness of her being the best sister I could imagine. "With Reggie?"

"Yeah." He prodded again before clearing his throat. "I can rub 'em if you want. Not a masseuse or anything, but Wes used to do it for her so I think maybe I remember a thing or two."

"Rub my calves?" I couldn't help the incredulous undulation.

"Yeah," he repeated, but this time his eyes met mine instead of my ankles.

I couldn't figure out what hurt more at that moment: my legs or my heart. I thought I had made a decision sitting at that table with Viv: to finally give Soul what he deserved. But here I was, ready to fall right back into making him take care of me. I'm so weak. "Isn't that weird?" I croaked.

"Dunno," he muttered with a brief lift of his shoulders. "Listen, for-"

"OK," I cut into his words, knowing what was coming and dying not to hear it. I can't forget it. I can't let you go. I feel like I'm breaking some kind of promise to Viv, but I can't.

"OK," he echoed as one hand slid to finally touch rather than tap.

Death, I wish I never knew what his hands felt like. Dexterity on a piano easily translated to skin, subduing my muscles to order with simple but firm touches. I was used to warm hands in mine but this was entirely different, igniting a new kind of fire under my skin. I couldn't bear to look at him but when I tucked my eyes back under my arm, it was as if he was seared in my brain. His smirk, that throaty chuckle of his, the way his chest felt rising and falling against mine when he held me. Now this. Now the way his hands felt on bare skin. The way they could clutch and knead. The way I wanted them there and everywhere.

"Maka?"

That's when I realized my cheeks were soaked and even though I tried to tuck my face further into hiding, it was futile.

"Hey…" His hands were climbing, touching my knees as I could only guess he was moving towards my side. He must have, since the next whisper came so close to my face I swore I could feel the breath on my arm. "Did I hurt you?"

Yes! I wanted to scream. It's ridiculous, it's childish, but you are! You're hurting me so much by being just what you are- the kind of perfect I actually want. The kind of perfect that's not but it's exactly what you need. That's you, Soul! You're that for me and I'm-

"Maka, look at me," he murmured as gentle, well-meaning fingers touched my arm.

I jerked it away and he had no choice but to jump back, now standing to loom over me. "It's nothing," I warbled as I used the same hand to clear the tears from my cheeks. "Just stupid- It's nothing!" Sitting up wasn't exactly a swift activity for me anymore and to make matters worse his regular compulsion-to help in any instance of need-had him reaching for me. I shoved his hand, making his eyebrows pop as he took a step back.

"Did I do something?" his voice cracked as his hands still wavered somewhere in the realm of helping.

"No."

"Maka-"

"It's not your fault! It's not you!" The burst came as I finally managed to sit up, the baby weighing me down almost as much as my heart. I couldn't look at him and even if I did, I wouldn't have seen him since all I had was an underwater view.

"Then talk to me-tell me-"

"Just go," I wailed.

"Maka…" It was less of my name and more of a pathetic burst of air.

"Please, Soul, just go," I urged again as I pressed my palms to my eyes. I tried not to hear his breathing, his shuffling. Tried not to give in to the anticipation that he'd refuse, he'd hold me, he'd once again just buckle to my selfishness.

"I…"

"There's nothing you can do."

All he managed in reply was a shaky breath before his footsteps started. I listened to him leave, listened to him exist only separated from me by a wall. I listened to him pace until the slide of the balcony door rang clear. I listened to him play and play and play until I wasn't sure what had to be more numb: his fingers or my heart.