Eating definitely wasn't what either of us was doing. I was spending more time chewing on words than food as I desperately tried to string meaningful sentences together while she just pushed piles from point A to point B on her plate. All eyes were averted and mouths pulled tight in silence. I cleared my throat and her eyes shot up to meet mine. Her shoulders sagged as she sighed. "About last night…"
My fork involuntarily stabbed into the plate, making a teeth-setting squeal. "Is he gonna come back?"
Her brows furrowed. "I honestly don't know."
"And you didn't ask him to come here," I muttered, not really giving it the oomph to be an actual question.
"No. A well-meaning someone at work told him what building I moved to." Another breath fluttered from her as she dropped her fork against the table. "It feels like it's not fair to say he can't see me since, well…"
"He's Jack's father." I finished her drift and destroyed any hope that she'd smile as her teeth dug into her bottom lip.
"Biological, yes-" her voice started as a flutter but sunk into a coldness I didn't expect "-but beyond that, I hope I made myself clear yesterday. He can't just insist that it's his way." His fingers closed around the metal of her fork, her eyes falling there. "And again, I'm sorry I forced you into that."
"Not like you twisted my arm." I gave up on pretense, tossing my utensils and leaning back in my chair. Death, I needed all the air in the world to fill my lungs for the next one. "But you said… what you said to him, that I'd be better…"
Her lip curled, her eyes starting to water. "I did, but-"
"That a lie?" I forced through whatever excuse she wanted to make. I needed just the yes or no, the destruction or joy.
A sigh fluttered over her lips as her eyes searched the table. "No. I meant it. You're-" that tender glance hit me like a stun gun, jump-starting my heart "-you're a good man. The way you are with Reggie- your thoughtfulness means you would. But that's the problem, Soul. I-I feel like I've been taking advantage of that."
It took every last ounce of concentration I had to just blink- to try to leave her room to finish. I managed to tap a finger against the table as if I actually was Mr. Cool.
"You've been such a good friend to me-" Maka shook her head, a rueful smile parting her lips. "Honestly, it feels like you'd do anything or everything I asked no matter what, and that is the problem."
I shifted in my chair, arms crossing my chest. "So helping you is a problem?"
My question was tossed to the side as her hands spread on the tabletop while her eyes bore into me. "When's the last time you went out?"
The accusation-which was clear from the sudden harsh wrinkle of her brow-made my eyes pop. "What?"
"Out, Soul, for yourself. When was the last time?"
My throat bobbed through a tough swallow. "We went out the other night."
"That was for me," she hissed back as her hands motioned around the apartment. "You're here at least once a week! You're playing every night after work. I can't remember a night that you didn't play. So all I can think is that I've made you stuck again. All you do is worry about me while you're unhappy."
I dug my nails into my bicep, trying to let the pinch bring some clarity to my mind all muddled. "But you're happy?"
The first wash of tears hit her cheeks. "No."
I sighed. "Same reason you were unhappy two nights ago?"
She nodded.
She's going to make you ask if she's even gonna tell you at all. Now, do you have the guts or not? Are you gonna sit and let this all go? "You unhappy with me?" I had to swallow my own urge for tears, just renewing my grip on my own skin to try to hold myself together.
"I-" she croaked before bringing her hands up to clear her face. That slowed any more words from her, just buying time to rub the stains off her cheeks. "I'm unhappy that I-" Her head shook along with a mournful laugh rattling in her throat. "I'm unhappy because of me. Because I'm unfair- selfish. I just-" Pleading jade hit me as her lip quivered. "This has all been some fantasy that I can't get out of and while I'm so thankful for all you've done I need you to stop humoring me, stop being kind when you know- you have to know-"
I stood, taking a stride closer.
"Soul, stop!" She put out her hands and I let her catch me, keeping me at arms' length. "You can't clear my tears- you can't hug me- you can't!"
"Why not?" I murmured. Her hands were on my wrists but slack enough that I was slipping mine back, trying to get them intertwined with hers.
She tried to resist the tangle, tears free to roam down her cheeks and blur her sight. "Because it makes me want what I can't have!"
Even if that seemed like enough spelling out, my hands were still shaking. Planting one right behind her shoulder on the chair didn't really calm them or make me feel steady, but it gave me the angle enough to lean. I dipped down, but she turned her head, leaving my lips close to her saturated cheek. I should have bucked scared-and fuck, did my heart!-but I bridged the last little bit of distance and let my lips caress just a little salt off her skin.
"You can't!" Her hands lifted, first pressing to my chest but then balling up the fabric in her fists. "Soul, you don't-"
I planted another kiss over her tears before tilting my head towards her ear, whispering since the nerves were crushing my throat: "I don't know what fantasy you've been thinking about, but sometimes I… I think about us being together."
Her fists tightened as her breath hitched.
"It wasn't you who made me stuck again." I tilted forward just enough to let my cheek rest against hers. "It was me. It was my fear that all the things I felt for you weren't right. You have enough to worry about without some loser falling for you."
"I-" another sob hiccuped from her as her knuckles dug slightly into my chest. "I'm pregnant."
"Yeah, sorta noticed." I angled away slightly so that my laugh didn't rattle her ear, instantly making me miss the warmth of her skin. "And sorta why I was just… holding back. But you're right, I ain't happy. So-for just a second-I'm gonna take something for me." I pulled back, relief washing over me as her hold on me resisted the movement. Still, I managed to bring us face to face rather than that agonizing slow-dance. "Just let me kiss you."
Those jade pools blinked at me, just a few tears still hanging on full lashes. "That's what you want?" she murmured.
"Yeah." I nodded softly, letting the motion bring me just a little bit closer. "Ever since I bought those flowers for you."
The words barely made it out before she was giving every last ounce of her energy to my own dream. Even her kisses were headstrong, throwing caution to the wind and leaving each lunge more desperate than the last. Maybe I could argue she'd gotten selfish again, but the irony of it was clear: all of her wants were just an echo of my own. My hand moved from the chair to her shoulder, drifting up under her chin to still the motion. I straightened, giving her air as I examined the blush on her cheeks.
Her eyes were still shut like she was waiting for more. "You bought those for me?"
"Yeah." I ran my thumb along her jaw. "Chickened out."
With a few lazy bats of her eyelashes, her gaze turned to me. "What else haven't you told me?"
I snorted a laugh. "That's about it. Flowers, wanting to be with you, those were kind of the big ones." I thought the release of the fear was satisfying, but the utter joy of sliding my hand back into her hair sent me for a loop. My heart and stomach knocked around as both fluttered to try to get steady. "But I mean it. You and me, that's what I want."
Her lower lip worked through her teeth, tempting me to tip towards her again. Still, that teetering look in her eye had me frozen, the nervousness laced there. "I-I mean it too, Soul. I'm pregnant, and with Jack, it-it's a lot of responsibility. I can't just expect you to-"
"You don't have to expect. I wanna be with you and I know that comes with more than just you." I tried to make my touch just as firm as the words, my one hand tangling just a little tighter in her hair while my free one grabbed hers on my shirt. "I ain't his father-I know that-but I want to get to a place where you'll trust me with that. Where he'll trust me with that."
"Why?" The close of her lids pressed out a fresh batch of tears. "Why are you…?"
"C'mere," I murmured. I let the hand over hers on my chest run to her elbow, giving her the momentum to stand. I tucked my whisper next to her ear again as I wrapped an arm around her waist to make sure she fit into me. "Stop crying, alright? The why's easy: you're the right kinda perfect for me. I remember you using the past tense but… I think it fits, Maka. I feel like we fit."
Her arms finally clasped around me, digging into her spot against my chest, a spot that might just be made for her. "You're not a loser," she grumbled into my shirt.
A dry laugh quaked up my throat. "Sorta felt like it at the time. Maybe not so much now."
She shook her head, depositing more tears against the fabric. "You're not allowed."
That bit of laughter caught, making my chest hum. "One kiss and you think you can boss me around?"
Maka lifted her head, and while I was ready for a certain amount of playful sass to come back my way, I wasn't entirely unprepared for her hand to reach up and clamp the back of my neck to force me down. Her lips met mine again, a desperate, deep kinda pull that left me utterly lost. When she released me, I could barely string enough syllables together to make a word, leaving me to just awkwardly gape against her mouth. She replaced my breath with her own before murmuring, "You're not allowed. You're my kind of perfect too."
The buzz of my phone on the nightstand brought my eyes to a lazy half-mast. The whole rest of the early morning had given me the oddest mix of sleep-my heart thundering between the strangest mix of exhilaration at the memory of her kiss and utter worry at the idea that maybe I'd sorta dreamed it all. Light was sliding through the edges of the drapes on the balcony, the artificial darkness leaving the glow of my phone as a repeat of its call. I swatted at it until it was in my hand and pulled it back to the bed.
[Are you awake?]
A lazy smirk started to eat up my face. Maka Albarn, you'd hear me if I was awake- you know that. [Am now]
[Can I stop over for just a minute? I bought coffee]
My eyelids were wide open now, pulled slightly by the raise of my eyebrows. [Give me 10]
[OK]
All my usual morning hemming and hawing was tossed to the wayside as I high-tailed it for the bathroom. As I brushed my teeth, I took the time to examine myself in the mirror. There was really no hope for my bedhead and I definitely needed to shave away the more than peach-fuzz that was hugging my jawline, but ten minutes was ticking away fast. Spitting in the sink freed me to utter a laugh next. This is the first time you're checking yourself out before you see her, you realize that? Starting now would be a little stupid, wouldn't it? She's already… I dunno what, but she sure as hell kissed you back.
The door clattered with a knock, leaving me with no hope but to toss my toothbrush back into the holder and splash some water on my face. That hadn't been ten minutes but I certainly couldn't muster an ounce of annoyance, just anticipation fueling my walk to the door. I unlocked it as quickly as my fingers would allow-the agitation had sorta killed any of that piano-practiced nimbleness-and threw on the best smile I could to greet her.
"Good morning," she chimed as she thrust the corner cafe cup into the space between us.
"Hey…" I grabbed the offering but that's where we both stopped, frozen in the doorway as her eyes searched mine.
Instead of reaching for me, her arms circled herself, holding at the elbows. "I'm, um, technically at work, so I just have a minute. Not like they're checking my documents, but if anyone from the office calls I should be there, not here…"
"Yeah, I was just planning on saying goodbye before I went to work…" I dipped my eyes to the cup. "But thanks-for the coffee, and for…" For kissing me last night? For letting me see you again? For making me stutter like an idiot at my front door?
"Soul-" She cut off as her teeth nibbled into her lip.
"Yeah?" I could have smacked myself for the eloquence, but my stomach was already sinking enough with the sudden fear. Maybe she regrets it. Maybe she's here to tell you last night was a mistake. You know- tear off the bandaid instead of-
"Could you-" One hand jutted out, grabbing me by the sleeve of my t-shirt. "Yesterday-last night happened, right?"
The few blinks I let pass didn't bring any more clarification to her question. "You mean…?"
"We-we kissed?" The glossy glow to her eyes had me in an entirely different panic.
Like she dreamt it? Like last night had to be wrong because… damnit, does she still think she's not worth it? I huffed at the thought. I brought my free hand to her cheek before sliding it down just under her jaw so that my thumb could keep her chin steady. In the lean down to her, I watched her eyes close, thankfully no tears loosed from the shut. Instead, her cheeks were clear as my lips met hers. "Feels sorta like a dream, doesn't it?" I murmured after just a quick taste. "Thought the same thing this morn-"
The rest of my cute quip was cut by her need. I was almost sure I'd be wearing the coffee in a second as she pressed closer. In the nick of time, I lifted it like a torch over my head but there was still the sear of her warmth latching on to me. My free hand fell away from her face, smoothing down to the small of her back to keep her in place because I was living in the relief of her kiss. Everything in that moment was right, was steady, was fucking perfect.
"We kissed." She sighed out her own relief just a centimeter from my lips. Her fingers were digging into my t-shirt, leaving an entirely enjoyable tingle on my skin.
I cleared my throat before nuzzling her nose softly. I didn't want to give up the space and I definitely didn't want the rational thoughts to intrude but there they were: "And after work, we'll do that again. But right now… you gotta do your thing and I gotta do mine."
"Since when are you the sensible one?" she muttered, moving to run her palms over the fabric on my chest.
I snorted a laugh. "I'll come over tonight, OK?"
"Watch a movie?" she offered quietly.
"Whatever you want." With all the regret in the fucking world, I untangle from her and took a step back so I could lower my awkward coffee arm. "And while Wednesday was night, maybe we deserve more than one day together? Especially this Thursday. After I watch Reggie, let me take you out."
Her eyebrows bobbed for a second before she forced them flat, a tentative smile hinting at her lips. "Like a date?"
"Yeah, a date." Mr. Cool lasted that long-my voice starting to catch a warble I wasn't proud of. Date wasn't a word I'd really had to use before and I wasn't exactly up on the concept either. I was probably asking for disaster, but I continued to dig my hole: "Hope you don't mind if I take you to the hotel restaurant. Kinda-well, I want you to meet a few people. I want them to meet you. T-to see my-my girlfriend."
A light, airy laugh tumbled up her throat.
"That OK?" I practically squeaked. Death, I probably sounded better as a prepubescent, but there was no stopping the nerves that were jangling from head to toe.
"I think I'd like that." She nodded a few times, her eyes darting to my chest while pink climbed up her cheeks. "Your girlfriend."
"I mean- if you want to be called something else-"
"No." A sweet giggle followed that and Death, could I have kissed her again. "I have to get back to work."
"OK." I gave into temptation, leaning to catch her one more time. Secretly I wished she'd sink into me again but this time it was just a soft brush. "Hey…" I nudged her chin at the release. "How much did you sleep last night?"
"Don't get all worry-wart on me." She was attempting to mutter but the glowing smile I caught as I pulled away was enough to negate it. I stared, unblinking, and got a roll of her eyes in reply. "I always take a nap before you get home anyway. I'll just take an extra-long one today."
I sighed, letting my fingers caress her cheek one more time. "Alright. One kiss before I leave for work and then tonight."
"Just one?" She raised her eyebrows.
Death, this girl was going to be the end of me.