Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I'm just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn't going to get you anything but tears.

Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. Feel free to back out if that's you.

Author's Note: Do you know how many ways that MCU could have used the skill sets they gave their Science Fam characters to have actually saved the day without major loss of life? Because I do. Unfortunately, the writers for the MCU do not appreciate the Intelligentsia they have at their disposal. So here's a little soulmate AU where the smartest character in the MCU actually uses that intelligence for something other than something to get shit on for.

Submitting Info:
Stacked with: Hogwarts (Term 11); MC4A
Individual Challenges: Two Cakes!; No Punny Business; Click Bait It; Yellow Ribbon (Y); Yellow Ribbon Redux; Short Jog; Letter of the Day; Flags & Ribbons; Rian-Russo Inversion (Y); True Colours; Laws; Quiet Time; Ethnic & Present; Neurodivergent; Feeling So Logical []; Themes & Things A [Love] (Y); Themes & Things B [Protection] (Y); Marvelous Cinema; Team Logic; New Fandom Smell [MCU]; The First Phase; Tissue Warning; Shipmas; Seeds; Chilled Iron Bribery (Y); Misunderstood; Rainbow Focus; Hola, Bonjour, Jambo
House: Hufflepuff
Assignment No.: Term 11 – Assignment 02
Subject (Task No.): n/a
Other Hogwarts Challenges: Romance Awareness [R14] (Soulmates Stuck Together) (Risk-Taking); Insane Prompt Challenge [918] (Realistic); 365 [35] (Notorious); Scavenger Hunt [90] (Write about a Muggle or Squib); Galleon Club ("Helpless" from Hamilton)
Space Address (Prompt): Su Bingo [1B] (Liberty/Freedom)
Representation(s): Tony Stark/Loki
Bonus Challenges: Abandoned Ship; Head of Perseus; In the Trench; Grease Monkey; Lyre Liar; Most Human Bean; Muck & Slime; Rock of Ages; Second Verse (Trickster's Union; Lovely Coconuts; For the Vine; Lock & Key; Car in a Tutu; Unwanted Advice; Middle Name; Zucchini Bread; Sneeze Weasel; Persistence Still); Chorus (Wind Beneath; Creature Feature; Bast's Blessing; Unicorn; Larger than Life; Eternal Boredom; Tomorrow's Shade; Peddling Pots; Machismo; Wabi Sabi)
Tertiary Bonus Challenges: HoSE (Schooner; Sanctuary); O3 (Orator; Ox); FR (Evolution); T3 (Toad); SN (Rail)
Word Count: 1887

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Diana Ross Is Not Available
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Tony was tired as he staggered towards Stark Tower. Being tossed around an engine turbine was unsurprisingly bad for his suit. Who knew that SHIELD would be the one to do what even several combats with actual terrorists using his own weapons couldn't manage? JARVIS informed him that the Arc Reactor was now offline, which should have been the end of it, but the portal device had apparently already become self-sustaining, even if it was still powering up to open the portal.

Selvig was still firmly in Loki's control, although how much of what he was spouting was because of that and how much was just the good doctor's normal instability. After all, Selvig had a bit of reputation among anyone working in Astrophysics and Astronomy, and from the few interactions that Tony had had with him, that reputation was well deserved. The man was more than a bit of a mad scientist. Honestly, being involved with alien invasions was just par for the course.

And all of the craziness of the last week was beginning to catch up Tony. He wasn't even certain when the last time he had slept was, because it had been a bit manic leading up to the disconnect of the tower. Facing Loki by himself without the suit was the same level of stupid that had just gotten Agent killed, but it looked like that was Tony's only path forward. Maybe he could still find a way to cut this wire, but there was a good possibility that he wasn't going to be walking away from this. Tony closed his eyes as he headed for the landing, trying to block out the sense of inevitability that was wrapping around like a shroud.

"Sir, the Mark VII is not ready for deployment," JARVIS warned him, sounding even more worried than he had in those last few weeks of Tony's palladium poisoning. That hurt even worse than knowing he was facing a possible imminent death. Once again, JARVIS was being forced to watch Tony kill himself. What kind of fucked up father was he that kept doing this?

"Then skip the spinning rims," Tony snapped, hoping to cover up the knowledge they shared, "we're on the clock." Then he touched down at Stark Tower on the landing pad and began to move forward with all the steadiness of a man walking to the executioner. Immediately, the arms that he had painstakingly programmed began dismantling the damaged suit.

JARVIS would make certain to get it all down to the tower's workshop. He was good like that, always anticipating things that Tony may need or even just want. He was a better man than Tony could ever hope to be, and wasn't it sad that a collection of code put together by someone as flawed as him could be so great?

If Captain Spangles could understand that JARVIS was a person, he would probably see it as confirmation of everything he believed about Tony—which was based on footage of some sort, that if Tony lived through what was coming, he really needed to remember to ask about. There were too many things that he could have watched to narrow it down. It could have been anything—though Tony was willing to bet that it was probably the Senate hearing where they tried to steal the Iron Man suit that was the clincher. Spangles seemed the type to think masturbation was a sin worst than murder.

Just as Tony had expected from JARVIS' sitrep, Loki was standing by the balcony doors watching Selvig work. None of the other agents working for Loki remained on site. According the sitrep, Loki had sent them to secure a perimeter around the tower of several block. JARVIS had already secured the designs for the devices they appear to be setting up as they worked their ways out. On every residential and obviously noncombatant occupied building, they placed a force field generating device against a wall. JARVIS' estimation had the strength high enough to withstand a detonation of an arc reactor.

It was surprisingly kind for an invading dictator.

"Please tell me you're going to appeal to my humanity," Loki announced as Tony entered the penthouse. Tony stumbled a bit as he was pulled from his thoughts. Something on Loki's face looked… off. Honestly, the god looked as exhausted as Tony felt. Several theories spun around each other in Tony's head as he began pouring drinks autopilot.

"Uh, actually, I'm planning to threaten you," Tony said, still observing things. Loki rolled his eyes as if Tony was being an idiot, which was, you know, fair.

"You should have left your armor on for that."

"Yeah, well, it's seen a bit of mileage." Tony focused on the staff in Loki's hand as he took a sip of the glass in his hand. "You've got the blue stick of destiny."

"Stalling me won't change anything."

"No, no, no! Threatening," Tony corrected, earning another eye roll.

"The Chitauri are coming. Nothing will change that." Loki looked way too tired for that to be a gloat. "What have I to fear?"

"The Avengers," Tony quipped. He forced a grin on his face, like he was actually competent that they would actually get their act together enough to legitimately be a threat. If nothing else, Tony could buy them time to get in place. After Tony was gone, maybe JARVIS would get the necessary information to Rogers and his merry band of misfits. "It's what we call ourselves, sort of like a team. Earth's mightiest heroes type of thing."

"Yes, I've met them," Loki commented, sounding amused by the memory.

"Yeah, takes us a while to get any traction, I'll give you that one." Tony gave a negligent shrug as he moved around the bar. "But, let's do a head count here. Your brother, the demigod—" Oh, boy, did Loki bristle at that reminder. Something told Tony that there was probably more to that he's adopted comment of Thor's than trying to distance himself from a notorious sibling. "—a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend—" Not really true, but Tony could spin it like it was if he was given enough time. "—a man with breathtaking anger management issues—" And a brain to die for, but Tony couldn't afford to be horny right now. "—a couple of master assassins—" Meh, close enough, and it wasn't like it really mattered if they were just SHIELD standard issue combat assets, because they really needed all hands on deck right now. "—and you, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single one of them."

"That was the plan," Loki replied, and this time Tony knew he was imagining the exhaustion on his face. Something in him wanted to reach out and comfort the Asgardian, to just bundle him off to bed to sleep for a week. That was a decidedly odd feeling to have about a megalomaniac while in the middle of staving off an alien invasion caused by said megalomaniac. Tony's brain was still spinning out scenarios faster than he could consciously keep up with, but the memory of that SHIELD profile that called him a textbook narcissist despite not having any of the textbook criteria twirled before him.

"Not a great plan," Tony countered, distracted by possibilities. "When they come, and they will, they'll come for you."

"Oh, will they?" Loki asked. His blue eyes glittered as he prowled closer to Tony. "But not you? How curious: you listed everyone except yourself. Not quite the narcissist they painted you as, are you? Did you know that Barton would talk about their plans for you, how they planned to use what they had already stolen from you to further their plans while they strung you along for more resources? It doesn't have to be that way."

"You're missing the point," Tony interrupted. It had already taken most of the last eighteen months to clean up the mess that Rushmanoff had left in the wake of her little infiltration. Tony wouldn't have put it past the murderous spider to have picked up some propriety toys along the way. If he lived, he needed to have JARVIS check everything again. But that was for later, if he got a later. "There's no throne. There is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes—if it really is your army, because generals don't lead armies from the field—"

He cut himself off as he caught up with himself. Everything clicked into place like it had just been waiting for him to run his mouth into it. His eyes widened as they met Loki's eyes—Loki's blue eyes. It was not just any blue either. It was the same blue as Barton's, as Selvig's. Everything about Loki started to add up to something other than stress megalomaniac trying to take over the world. The gaunt cheeks, the stiff walk, hell, even the exhaustion—What did it take to break a god? What did it take to magically overcome the god of magic?

"You're not in charge," Tony said as he closed the distance with the Asgardian. "You're as much a pawn as the agents you took. You're not the puppeteer. You're the scapegoat."

"Shut up," Loki bit out through clenched teeth. He pointed the staff at him threatening. "Be silent if you know what's good for you."

"That didn't work when I was six, and I'll be damned if it's going to work now that I'm an adult." Tony pointed with the index finger of the hand still holding his drink. "You have some explaining to do, Mr. Horny Helm, but let's start with what you need from me to break loose. I hear that all the cool kids have a brainwash story these days."

"Just stop," Loki commanded. He looked close to either pulling his hair out or having a panic attack. Tony couldn't decide which. Unfortunately, he also couldn't stop his mouth from running.

"Is it in the name of love?" Tony asked. "Or is it hammer time?"

With a sudden movement, Loki grabbed Tony by the throat. The hold was surprisingly supportive despite its suddenness, like Loki instinctively knew his strength relative to Tony's fragile neck and was just as instinctively compensating so that Tony's neck didn't just break. There was still a fissure of something that passed between them. It felt a lot like the arc reactor was experiencing a flux of power, despite its upgrades. Strangely, the blue in Loki's eyes flickered before another fissure passed between them. Then Loki was staring at him with eyes the color of the macha that Pepper liked to use for her tea when she had the time and inclination to make it herself.

'Soulmates,' whispered something deep in Tony's mind. Well, wasn't the next day or so going to be fun? Especially if they can't actually stop the invasion from happening, even with Loki freed. Nothing like being stuck to another person to create a disadvantage in a fight. Even still, Tony couldn't stop his mouth from running. Maybe Rhodey was right about Tony talking himself into being murdered.

"So in the name of love, then?"