Every ounce of my energy was exerted on keeping my face a flat, emotionless stone. Honestly, this was usually the easiest thing in the universe-just kinda let my mind go blank and my face just follows. But blank wasn't a possibility. As soon as I tried to turn my mind off, it was her. Her kiss. Her hands in my hair. Her skin under my fingertips. Any free space in my brain was just running on all that she was, memorizing and categorizing every last bit of her love.
OK, slow down, no one- not one of you said love. Liz said smitten, right? That spot right after liking but before the big leap- before that forever and always kinda stuff. And that was the utterly stupid thought on my mind as I pushed through the doors of the restaurant, instantly earning me an assault from all sides.
"It happened!" Liz jumped up from her prep-work and was already shooting around the vacant tables. "Tsu! Look at him! Look at-"
"Shut it!" I hissed, waving my hands as if I could waft away her volume with them.
The damage was done, Tsu peeking up from behind the bar. While I could appreciate her silence, it was the coy little smile she adopted as she leaned on the dark wood that irked me. "How did it go, Soul?"
I paused, sliding my hands into my pockets and trying to square my shoulders so I at least maybe held some sorta intimidation. "Fine."
"Oh, no, no, no," Liz complained as she arrived to latch on to me, shaking my elbow with enough violence to upend my hair. "You're telling us every last detail-well, minus the unclothed parts."
I groaned as I tried to get out of her harpy grasp. "All clothing stayed on."
"That's no fun." Liz relinquished her hold just to grab me by the shoulders, leading me towards the bar as if maybe she was going to let me start my own prep-work. I should have known that was a stupid hope since she planted me at a barstool right in front of Tsu.
"Soul, you only have to tell us what you want to," Tsu cooed entirely innocently. To tell you the truth, I believed her, it was just the other little devil at my shoulder that wasn't going to let me up until I'd upchucked the entire encounter.
"She told me to stop being nice to her." OK, so maybe I was being a little bit of a shit here-and I knew it.
"And?" Liz screeched as she clutched into the napkins sadly awaiting their silverware.
"Told me I should go out on dates and stuff." OK, I was being a major shit.
Disdain curled Liz's lip like a roller.
At that point I couldn't stop the smirk which earned me a mega pinch to the tender skin of my forearm-one of Liz's specialties. I hissed as I jerked my arm away. "OK, OK!"
"You need to tell me the drop-dead romantic thing you said in return or you're getting one of those to the nipple."
I should have griped about sexual harassment but it was only going to make matters worse. "I kissed her cheek and told her I wanted us to be a thing."
Liz's hands hovered threateningly. "Soul Evans, if you actually said 'thing' to her, I will murder you."
I sighed, rubbing anxious fingers along the back of my neck. "I asked her to trust me with her and the baby."
Both women in front of me froze in strange tableau. Liz's mouth hung open while Tsu had suddenly sprouted a healthy rim of tears in her eyes. Neither jump-started into the hysterics I was expecting.
"Uh…" My voice trembled and lost most of its baritone with a crack. "Was that wrong?"
"No!" It was a simultaneous gush from both of them. Tsu was already saturated in tears while Liz had practically jumped over the countertop to man-handle me until she could get her arms around me.
"What the hell are you all doing?"
Liz slipped away, throwing a glare over her shoulder at the blond man popping his head out of the double doors to the kitchen. "Hiro, always here to ruin a moment."
"Well, we are opening in like fifteen," he griped. "And Excalibur's already complaining."
"Blah, blah, blah!" Liz clacked her fingers together in time as she started towards Hiro. "I swear to Death if that idiot-" her words cut off with the door as it swung behind her, swallowing both blondes.
Tsu was quickly patting away her tears with a spare napkin before falling back to the last of the prep-work. She was never one for those forward questions-Liz hadn't rubbed off on her-but her tender smile as her eyes darted between me and work was at least a gentle indication I wasn't getting away that easily.
"I didn't put my foot in my mouth?" I finally reached forward and took Liz's share of the napkins to fold.
"I think that was the sweetest thing you could have said," Tsu cooed. "How did she take it?"
"Cried," I murmured and while I tried to shrug, it wouldn't come to life. Her crying like that-like she wasn't worth it-still made my gut shrivel. "Tsu, how do I-" My fingers took the nervousness out on the napkin, tearing a little at the crease. "The way she cries-it makes me wonder if she thinks she doesn't deserve it, you know? So how do I change that?"
A sweet hum drifted from her, as carefree as a fucking breeze even after the fear I'd just leaked. "You just keep being you, Soul." Her hand touched mine, stopping the anxious fight with the job in front of me. "Trust me, she just needs time with you. She'll see it."
Death, I hoped she was prophetic because time with me? Hell, I'd give Maka Albarn all the time she wanted.
I was in my thinking corner, phone in hand and writing and rewriting a mess of idiotically sweet things in the chat bubble under her name. I fumbled it as soon as I heard the door snap, leaving me to just pray that my butterfingers hadn't sent a half-typed mess of words.
"Here!" Liz chimed as she displayed the flowers in my face. "For when you get home."
"Huh?" My eyebrows climbed up my forehead because something close to a tender, loving smile was on her lips and me getting one of those was about as likely as a blizzard in Arizona.
"Idiot-" she tempered the beauty of her smile with the snap of her words "-for Maka. Remember how we went on about flowers? We weren't bullshitting you."
"Yeah…" I reached up hesitantly, letting her place the base of the bouquet in my palm. "I sorta took the hint the first time, though. I did actually buy her flowers before." But I'm definitely not going to add that awesome bit of the story about chickening out. I settled the blossoms in my lap and tried to bring my attention back to my phone but Liz wasn't done.
"Huh." She settled her hands on her hips, sending an appraising glare down at me. I almost mistook my heart for a clock in the meantime, the beats intensifying in my ears as she stared. "Think you can take one more piece of advice?"
"What's that?"
"Make sure to take care of yourself too." For a split second, I could have mistook her for a mom instead of that hard-ass older sister as her eyes gently searched my face. "Since while the whole trusting you with her and the baby thing was goddamn drama-grade cuteness, I didn't hear anything about her asking to take care of you. Make sure she does that. If she doesn't, I'm coming for her." She reached down and ruffled my hair.
I took it, grunting distinct displeasure but settling into it all the same. As if on cue, my phone buzzed.
"That better be her telling you what a stud you are," Liz tossed the carefree words over her shoulder as she turned. "OK, gross, I can't believe I said that," she muttered as she tried to wave it away, laughing all the while before she let herself out into the hallway.
I snickered, but at the same time couldn't keep my stomach from hitting the loop-the-loop. Stud. I mean, she… she definitely isn't shy about kissing me, being close. I said girlfriend and she didn't argue. And girlfriends and boyfriends sometimes… I tried to cut that off with a quick exhale, turning to my phone instead.
[Jack said no to nap ?]
My thumbs tensed over the screen as another forlorn breath broke my lips. [Try to sleep like regular. Worst case I see you tomorrow. Breakfast]
[No!]
Before I could even type the "?" her next text popped up.
[Shower. Bring all your pillows. Bed instead of the couch for the movie]
[I'm supposed to have more than one pillow?] All coolness was funneled into that quip, leaving me red in the face as I internally screamed at the screen: In her bed? Tonight?
[I'm just saying all my pillows are mine. There will be none to borrow]
[OK. See you in a few hours] I tapped my phone to my forehead. She sure as fuck ain't shy about being close.
Pillow under my left and bouquet in right, I got a step from knocking and the door preempted me and swung open. "Uh- hey." Death, how I tried to be suave and tilt the flowers towards her but I don't think the crimson had left my cheeks since our text exchange, even if it had all the explicitness of a Disney movie.
To make matters worse-a million, trillion times worse-she was looking as cute as I'd ever seen her. She had on this oversized button-down pajama top that almost swallowed the edge of her shorts. Not to mention her hair was down, cascading perfectly over her shoulders. "Hi." While her voice was soft her touch wasn't, sorta just parting my arms and barreling into my chest to squeeze me half to death.
I didn't have any hands for holding so I tilted my chin instead, testing out a kiss on her forehead. "You seriously didn't sleep?" I murmured.
"Is that really the first thing you want to say to me?" She pulled me around the waist, bringing me a few steps into the apartment. I kicked the door shut behind me.
"I said 'hey.'" Now inside and hoping that her floor was at least cleaner than the hallway, I dropped my pillow. I dug my fingers into her hair, willing her to look up at me with the gentlest of tugs.
"How was your day?" She murmured before tilting up on tiptoe and brushing a kiss against my lips, trying to steal any hope of reply.
And, well, I'm a fucking sucker. I fell into it, dropping my hand to her waist to keep her anchored to me. She was relentless and I wasn't in a place to complain.
In case you missed it, I went over the fact that sex had been spotty-OK, entirely fucking absent-for the past [damn date redacted]. Not to mention, me desperately wanting sex-as in engine entirely revved and ready to go-was probably never even a thing for me. Or it wasn't until I had handed the keys over to Maka. There I was, only a few steps into her apartment, entirely ready to toss off every last piece of my clothing and hers.
And here in lies the fucking problem. Because while I was definitely hearing Liz's admonishment in the back of my mind-'pregnant women are still women'-fear was still nibbling away at her logic. What if she thinks it weird? What if it hurts the baby? What if it hurts her? What if I embarrass myself by-
Her lips unlatched from mine. "Sorry," she murmured.
Her tone was a bucket of cold water over my head, instantly bringing me to fuss at her cheek with my hand enough to get her to face me again. "For what?"
"Maybe that was too much…" Her eyes tried to dodge mine but as my thumb stroked a line along her jaw she brought them back to me. "It's stupid, like I'm some teenage girl!" She huffed, putting a step of distance between us.
"Hey-" I filled the space between us with the bouquet, a little bit of confidence swelling again as her eyes lit up. "It's all new, right? Exciting-so going overboard's sorta natural."
"Yeah, giving flowers straight to me is definitely exciting for you." She barely kept her smile from breaking into a smirk as she took hold of the blossoms.
"Guess I'm never gonna live that down," I griped, but the joy that her face was bringing me didn't wither. "So why don't we just-" filling my chest with all the air available barely bolstered me enough to get the words out "-say we'll let each other know. If it's too much, we just say."
"So the kissing?" she offered innocently enough especially since her eyes were entirely focused on the flowers instead of batting at me.
"Definitely appreciated." While I was technically laughing at my own wording, I was really buying myself as much time as I could. I let that soft chuckle rumble from my chest, but cut it as soon as I saw her jump while one hand dropped to her stomach. "Hey, you OK?"
"Oh," she murmured before adding her own giggle. "It's just Jack. He-" Her words died as a tenseness rippled over her lips, leaving her smile quaking.
"What is it?" There was no keeping the panic from swelling up in my voice and my hands lost all their nervousness to caress over hers. "He OK?"
She turned the tables, slipping out from underneath the hand I'd put over the one on her stomach to clasp over mine. In the process, her shirt had hiked up to give me a palmful of warm, delicate skin. "Laugh again."
"What?" I didn't know what I should be more wonderstruck about, the request or the joy of touching her.
"Laugh, like you just did. I know it's hard to do it on cue, but…" I was still fumbling with worry when she crossed her eyes, blowing out her cheeks with air in one of the most ridiculous faces.
It did its job, making another laugh blare from my mouth. Just as the sound passed my lips, a firm nudge hit my palm. "That's him?" Stupid question-I know-but I couldn't help myself.
"Yup…" She nodded slowly as her smile dissolved while her eyes started to gloss. "He sort of always kicks when you laugh like he has to remind me you're here. He knows it's you." She let go of my hand to shield her eyes even though I was sure I knew what was happening behind those fingers. "Is that too much?" she murmured weakly.
I refused to let my hand leave her, still gently cupping the swell of her stomach. "Well, he's had to hear me for the past couple of months," I muttered. "Maybe it's not that much of a surprise that he would. Gotta say I'm happy it's a laugh that he likes. Sounds like a good kid." Ripping her out of her hiding spot seemed impossible, so instead I snuck closer and let my lips rest on her forehead again. "Why's that so bad?"
"It's not! It's just-" A wet sigh rattled off her lips. "Here I go, up and down, wanting to kiss you, worried you're taking on too much, thinking about my son, thinking about you, and I-"
"No wonder you can't sleep. Here-" I took the flowers back from her and started the slow walk towards her bedroom "-you're gonna put on that movie and get into bed. I'm gonna-"
"Please don't leave," she murmured as she dropped her hand from her eyes just to cut me to the core with a watery green glance.
"Let me finish," I griped as I slid my hand to the small of her back to push her forward. "I'm gonna put these in water and then take up whatever space you and your pillows leave me in the bed. I'll watch the movie and you'll sleep. That's the deal."
She steadied her glare at me for a minute before sighing and turning into the bedroom.
I waited until she was shuffling around inside before moving towards the kitchen. Oh, it was totally fucking lame but as soon as I got to the counter I took a second to sorta swoon for maybe the first time in my life. Please don't leave! That was absolutely overloading every last circuit in my brain with its total sweetness. OK, OK, calm the fuck down! She was cute and oh so fucking sweet, sure, but she's also exhausted and upset. Be steady. Be caring. Be fucking cool.
I found a vase to house the flowers, even taking the time to throw that little bit of plant food they give you into the water. By the time I was done, I could already hear the soft din of the soundtrack from her bedroom urging my sure and steady steps back to where I'd ditched my forlorn pillow. As I made my way back, I couldn't help but pause at the doorway. I don't know why I underestimated the pillow discussion, but I was floored by the pile I found her in. I guess it technically wasn't multiple pillows, just this one crazy one that seemed to loop around her entire body.
"Alright, I'm fucking jealous!"
She frowned in reply.
"I'm not joking." I tossed my sad, pathetic pillow behind her in the small sliver of space that was left over for me. The lead hero had already started blabbing something on the TV sitting on her dresser. "You order that online?"
"Marie bought it for me," she muttered as she hid pinking cheeks against the top half of the swirl of pillow.
"Can totally see why you told me I can't borrow it." I sunk a knee into the side of the bed, testing the groan of the springs. "Only problem is, how the hell am I supposed to fit?"
Her hand shot up in an instant, grabbing at my tshirt and yanking me towards the covers. I just kept from toppling into her, going chest first to smush into the pillow part that curved around her back. A perfect puff of her perfume lingered with the closeness, leaving me hopelessly, dopily love drunk. "You better not be insinuating-"
"You think this pillow ain't huge?" I chuckled, but the sound froze me for a split second. "Hey, did he kick again?"
Her eyes widened only momentarily before a brilliant smile hit her lips. "I told you, every time."
"Can I?" My hand hovered over the mess of pillow fluff.
"Um, sure." There was some lingering hesitation to her voice, but the grasp of her hand over mine hit with an excited kind of firmness. She was pressing me back to the spot in no time. "Ready."
I produced the best laugh I could. I can describe how Jack kicked, sure, but the way it made me feel? Death, I had no idea how to put that into words. All I did know was that I wanted it. I wanted that to be the exact truth: that a little bit of my happiness brought the same to him. "Thanks for telling me," I murmured hoarsely.
She studied me while I tried as hard as I could to keep my mask from cracking. "Feels like something you should know." Her grip tightened over mine, leaving my hand to rest against her skin as she turned back towards the pillow to half hide her face.
One wrong press was going to leave me to crumble like a butterfly wing in a toddler's palm, but it was almost like she already knew that. Her silence didn't reek of rolling over and ignoring the problem, but instead was leaving me space. I had air to breathe, a choice to make, and as she held so tightly onto my hand, I rested my cheek against the pillow just as the edge of her hair. My chest tightened, the words still gravel against my throat: "Feels selfish." I forced my fingers not to tense, instead just running softly against her skin.
"What does?" The question was a delicate whisper, words handled with care.
"Having this…" I inched closer, climbing slightly onto the pillow just to get my lips against her cheek. I couldn't help it. I wanted to be completely tangled in her to create some kind of solidity that I couldn't explain away as a dream.
"Does it make you happy?"
"Yes." I could have made that a desperate shout but being that close to her ear was going to be murder. Instead, I pressed it between my teeth in an attempt to dull the neediness.
"And I'm happy. I think Jack is too." She tapped my hand. "So it's not selfish. Let's both work on that, OK? Don't be hard on yourself for enjoying this and… I'll try not to be hard on myself for wanting this."
I barely eked out a withering breath. "Deal."
"Thank you for staying."
"I ain't going anywhere." I tried to add just enough orneriness to that and could only guess I'd succeeded by the giggle I got in reply. "Now shut your eyes. Jack's not going to make another peep."
Maka let out a mocking huff of air. "You're definitely making promises you can't keep."
"Well, at least I promise not to laugh." I pressed my smirk into her cheek again, brushing my lips gently before settling back. It was lonesome on my own pillow, but I couldn't imagine breathing down her neck as much encouragement for sleeping. Instead, I took one last minute to caress what I had been allowed to so lovingly touch. Jack, give your mom a rest, OK? I'll owe you a million ice creams when you're old enough, but just for right now, give her a break. I slipped my hand away to reach for the blankets that she'd pushed down to her hip. As I pulled them up to tuck her in, she latched onto my hand again.
"You'll fall off the bed if you get too far away."
I had promised not to laugh but a part of me wanted to snicker. Come out and say it, stubborn. You want me closer, don't you? Even if that pinked my cheeks it livened up my smirk again. I squished into the back of her pillow, giving her power over my arm to arrange it just right around her shoulder. "Better?"
An airy hum of satisfaction sent my heart into overdrive. Her whisper was even worse: "Perfect."
Don't ask me about the movie. To be honest, I wasn't invested from the moment it started. I basically glanced at intervals that kept me from just staring at her to an extent that would make me a total creep.
Don't ask me when my eyes drifted shut. Even in a strange bed that was cramped thanks to that ginormous pillow monstrosity, I completely lost the battle with the Sandman.
Don't ask me how fucking breathtaking it was then to wake up to blonde hair cascading around me as the sweetest brush of a kiss hit the tip of my nose.
"Good morning," she cooed.
I pulled up on my elbow, groggily rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "Morning. Please tell me you slept."
She giggled as she settled on the bed, no longer leaning into my space. Maka was reaching for the bedside table and a steamy mug that sat there. "I've only been awake long enough for the coffee to brew. Somehow, Jack only woke up while I was brushing my teeth."
That beautiful, bliss-filled mug was hovering in front of me, but-even with my obvious caffeine addiction-all I wanted was another taste of her. I reached past the mug, letting my hand rest on her cheek. "You feel OK?"
"Best night sleep in… who knows." She laughed softly as she leaned into my touch.
Death, how does she know exactly how to jumpstart my heart? I sat the rest of the way up so I could close the distance. My lips just brushed hers. "Same." I brushed her jaw one more time with my fingers before dropping it to the cup. "Still jealous of that pillow though."
"Hey, you stole enough of it last night," she chided but the humor slipped from it as she slowly eased back. Her lip was pressed between her teeth, taking a worried nibble. "I-I'd really like it if you did that more often-or really just again, I guess."
"Sure." Oh, my smirk must have looked so fucking stupid since it was deeply laced with that goofy drunkenness of being crazy about her. "You just let me know when."
Maka reached for me, a nervous finger working into my t-shirt. "Tonight?"
"Sure, after work." I forced a sip of my coffee to hide the idiotic grin on my face.
"And then Thursday…"
"Date night." I filled the space without hesitation.
She nodded as pink flushed over her cheeks. "Um, I'm going to meet Viv today too."
"Good."
"Have you…?" The hand on my chest drifted between us, wafting back and forth to finish her thought.
"Oh-" my eyebrows popped up my forehead "-I was gonna talk to her when I picked up Reggie, but I could call her today if-"
"No, do what you planned." Her hand relaxed to press over my heart, giving her a front-row seat to the way it stuttered under her touch. "I think I can manage to keep it a secret one more day."
"Maka, we ain't a secret," I hissed as I caught her cheek again.
She turned into the touch, giving me a smile that was no less vibrant than the sun. "That's not what I think. I promise. I want you to tell her because, well… trust me. She wants to hear it from you."
"And she's gonna. Thursday morning, first thing." I let out a lengthy sigh. "But can I at least let her tell my brother? He's gonna be in-fucking-sufferable."
That earned me enough giggles and kisses to bring me the rest of the way to awake.