tw: insinuations of domestic abuse

This was normally that terrible limbo time that I hated: when you'd woken with just enough time before your alarm that you couldn't really go back to sleep, but it wasn't close enough to warrant leaving the comfort of the covers. My reprieve from the horrors of this dilemma was the face in front of me.

Soul's mouth was slightly slack, soft puffs of sleep-slowed breath fluttering over his lips. At some point during the night, my heat flashes had separated us, but his hand was still reaching for me, fingers just tickling my arm as he tried to overcome the pillow between us. He was entirely cherishable at that moment, so sweetly comfortable as he rested within my reach.

What happened to you?

I hadn't had the nerve to ask the question, once again finding him on that cusp of breaking- so tightly wound that another push would make him crumble. I'd honestly never met anyone so aloof, so steady in the face of everything else but entirely fragile in the hands of people he trusts. Or at least I hope you trust me- hope you will trust me with this sometime soon. With carrying part of your weight just like you've been carrying what feels like the majority of mine.

At least there had been no fuss- no fight last night when I offered the space next to mine. He'd clung to me in absolute silence, fear leaching from his skin to mine as he almost refused to unwind. It hadn't been until I started whispering quietly to him-telling him useless little stories about the childhood escapades of Blake "STAR" and his designated side-kick who refused to be a side-kick Maka Albarn-that his grip loosened and his breathing steadied. I was really hoping when he opened his eyes, that part of him would still be solid.

My eyes ticked woefully towards the clock. Only a few more minutes remained of examining the easiness sleep had brought to him. I wished I could have trapped it for him in his heart. "Soul," I murmured softly, stealing away the alarm's chance to ruin his tranquility.

He groaned as he slid his face closer to the pillow. "No…"

I giggled as I reached for him, flexing my fingers lovingly into his bed-mussed hair. "I saved you from the alarm, but it's still going to go off in a minute."

His arm ripped from the covers and awkwardly stretched behind him, slapping the snooze button.

"That doesn't work if it's not going off."

"Don't know why you use that thing," he half muttered into the pillow. "Most people use their phone."

"Nostalgia?" I offered, but that just made him groan again. I shifted, pushing enough on my elbow that I could prop up on my giant pillow. It gave me enough leverage to reach around him and unset the alarm just before it could blare to life.

Now without a job, his arm slipped back over the sheets to meet me, his hand resting hesitantly on my hip. His face had slid out from hiding, eyes blinking up an unclear message at me. "How are you feeling?"

I should ask you that-or really, I don't think that's what you want to ask at all. I tried my best to settle against the headboard to avoid moving away. The extra beat of silence before my answer urged his fingers, making them drift lightly over my side. "Mostly happy," I murmured as I brought my hand to his cheek, watching as that spurred his eyes to shut again. "Last night was perfect."

He heaved a sigh.

Even though it wasn't exactly the most comfortable maneuver for my back, I leaned towards him so I could brush a kiss on his forehead. "It's the song all over again, Soul-" my whisper came with a sweet chiding lilt. "Because I'm going to firmly say that I'm happy with it even if you're not."

He settled into another shaky breath. "You said mostly."

"I'm worried about you," I answered quickly.

"I'm-" Red eyes blinked open again to meet mine.

Don't lie to me, I urged back with every iota of my being.

"-I'm something," he muttered before his hands turned needy to pull me back into the bedding with him. Jack was amply in the way but Soul continued to negotiate the destruction of the space between us. His uneasy breath was tickling at my neck, threatening pleasant chills up and down my spine if it weren't for the heartache that saturated his words: "I guess what I really am is sorry."

"I don't want you to be." My hands roamed through his hair and around his shoulders as I tried to pass the surety of my words into each touch. "I'd rather you be happy too."

His fingers tightened ever so slightly. "I am- like this."

I absolutely hate to make this comparison, but Death, did he look like the sweetest, lost little boy as he arrived on my doorstep in his pajamas with his pillow tucked under his arm! Maybe it was the absolute relief of not having an actual conversation about whether or not he'd be staying again tonight and instead just those adorably pleading ruby eyes hitting me as soon as the door opened. Whatever it was, it spurred me to lift my phone and snap a picture the second after I registered every last cute thing about him.

"Hey!" He yelped as the fake shutter snap resounded between us. I tried to slink away as quickly as possible but he was on me, arms catching me around the waist so his chin could peep over my shoulder. "What're you taking a picture for?"

"Why shouldn't I take your picture?" I killed the illumination of the screen, hiding my treasure for later.

That elicited a grunt instead of a real answer.

I moved us towards the couch so that my phone had somewhere to safely land. Once unencumbered, I let my hands rest over his around my waist. "You looked cute, that's all."

"That's all?" he grumbled as he tucked his face against my neck.

"And I want a nice reminder for next week."

He stiffened slightly, his breath humming before the right words gathered. "What's next week?"

"I-I was going to go back to actual work. In the office." I drew soft circles on his forearm, toying with the hairs as goosebumps followed my touch.

"And a picture of me helps how?" The words only stopped as his lips brushed against my skin, leaving the rest of his worry stationary on his tongue.

"Reminds me what I have at home," I chirped back without a moment's hesitation. "What I have to look forward to as long as I make it through the day."

His hands were on the move, once again spelling out the sorrowful need of his to sink into me and destroy every last speck of space between us. One arm was still around my waist, fingers tensing at the swell, while the other climbed across my chest to my shoulder.

"Being with you…" I murmured to try to let these words hit him delicately even though the force that they sat with in my heart was starting to feel innumerable. "Makes me feel like I can go back. I don't care who sees me anymore-what anyone thinks. You reminded me that I'm still me."

"Good." His voice quaked before he steadied it with another kiss against the soft skin of my neck. "I'll be here when you come home from kicking ass."

He eased his grip enough that a healthy laugh could rattle from my mouth. "Well, I was thinking that means maybe you need a key since our schedules will probably be a little different now. I'll have to try to be in bed before you're even off work if I'm going to be functional-though sleeping without you is still iffy." I hoped that the flex of his arms was prideful rather than protective.

Soul didn't give me much time to wonder since surprisingly his hands drifted away, leaving me cold. I turned quickly, a little ashamed at the childish irritation that welled up in me from the separation. All of my peevishness zapped away as a nervous smile hit his lips. "Actually, I sorta… I have a job interview tomorrow for something normal, probably nine to five so…" He shrugged as his grin faltered. "Not guaranteed, obviously, but I just- I did think about this. I hope you get that."

You thought about us- glanced over my mind -but did you think about you too? Is this just another one of your sacrifices? "A job you want?"

"Well…" He displayed empty hands between us and whether or not it was his intention to ask, I grabbed them. He smiled down at our fingers. "Sorta bad at wanting that kinda stuff. Viv thinks it'd be a good fit for me though and I-I trust her. And I want-" he stuttered over that with a sigh before lifting his eyes to mine. "I promised to help, right? Can't be all that helpful if I'm at work all the time. Extra money wouldn't hurt either."

For a moment, that Hollywood movie was playing in my head. Coming home from work at the same time. Passing the baby back and forth as we finished all the nightly chores. Putting him to bed together so that we could finally collapse on the couch and be us for a little while. That perfect melody of a family.

"Hey…" he murmured as his hand left mine to come to my cheek and gather the tears I hadn't even noticed had started. "I did promise, Maka. I still mean it."

"I know," I whispered with a weak laugh. "I just… I'm really proud of you."

You would think I had slapped him in the face with the way his eyes snapped wide, his mouth popping open to gape for a second.

I followed the strange fractured emotions on his face before shaking my head in disbelief. "You don't believe me?"

He still flitted through a few more blinks in silence. "Uh, no, not that, just-" a nervous laugh broke a voice already quaking "-sorta haven't heard that in a while."

My forehead wrinkled, my lips pulling into a defensive frown. "I don't see why not. You're doing your best, Soul. I see that, and if someone else can't-"

"Down, girl," he murmured before laughing softly. His hands moved to my shoulders, pulling me close enough so that he could plant a kiss on my forehead. "Guess no one else really matters…" Those words traversed his lips in an unsteady dip as his arms continued to move to embrace me. His lips were near my ear now, his voice falling into less than a whisper. "I like that you think that way, especially about me. It-it helps."

"Helps you what?" A part of me knew I shouldn't ask- his brittleness back with a vengeance.

"Forgetting-" left him in an achingly shaky breath. "Sometimes there's too many voices in my head-not real voices, but memories. I wish-" one hand was desperately sinking into my hair while the other pulled at my waist "-I wish it could just be your voice sometimes."

"You just haven't heard me enough." I ran my palms along his back, trying to urge just as much comfort into them as the lilt of my voice. "Give it time, Soul. I promise."

I couldn't help the ridiculous crawling in my stomach at the idea of seeing Viv again. There was no loss of love-as poet or possible friend-but just that inkling of fear that we'd be different. Now I wasn't just some charity case, I was someone Soul was with. Even that nagging feeling of being an outsider intruding on their family hadn't entirely dissipated and wisps of it clung to me as I waited outside the bustling, chic baby store Viv had picked out.

"I'm so sorry I'm late!" Viv's joyful shout broke through my worried trance. "And we have a tag-along." She lifted her hand which was tightly clasped by Reggie's. Not just that but as soon as he caught sight of me he was half behind Viv's leg, eyebrows furrowing in sweet worry. "We're going through a phase." Viv ruffled his hair lovingly as she came to a stop in front of me. "Since we've come home, he's slowly become stitched to my hip."

I eased down on my haunches, feeling the strain from Jack's weight but finding a rewarding flash of curiosity in Reggie's face. "Well, Reggie, since you're with us today, will you please help me find all the things the baby would like? He's going to be a little boy like you."

"Jack, right?" He half murmured into his mother's pant leg.

Soul told him? That made my heart dance as a smile broke my lips. "Yes, his name's Jack. So you'll help?"

Reggie looked up expectantly at his mother. "Can I?"

"Of course you can, darling. You will be consulted on all matters from here on in." She swept her hand towards the door. "Now, will you be the little gentleman I know you are and open the door for us? Be careful if anyone is coming out."

With a square of his shoulders and a big breath, the timid little boy scooted around Viv to peer through the glass of the door. The coast was clear because he reached for the handle, pulling it open with care.

"Thank you, darling," Viv cooed as she started through the door with me in tow. She was careful to only let her hand hover near the opening, not challenging Reggie's independence as he tried to negotiate himself in after us. No fingers were crushed nor toes lost as the door closed with Reggie safely between us.

"Now, I think they'll give you one of those little scanning guns…" Viv was already entirely on a mission, guiding me through the store to an associate. She hadn't been wrong; a scanner was quickly put in our possession after a few simple instructions to start.

I immediately handed it over to Reggie with the brief caveat: "You only scan what we all agree on, alright?"

That earned me a fervent nod of approval as he brandished his new weapon.

"Oh, lord…" Viv twittered off into a laugh as she took her phone out and quickly snapped a picture. "His father is going to die." She rolled her eyes as she let the amusement take her again. "Maka, I hope you know what you're getting into. Now, Reggie, repeat Maka's directions, please."

"Only what we all say!" He lifted the scanner towards his mother as he piped proudly.

"Good ears," she murmured sweetly as she played at his earlobe, eliciting a fit of giggles from the little boy. "With that settled, all we have to do is pick!"

That started the entirely team effort of filling Jack's wishlist with each and every conceivable thing. While Reggie was quick to pick toys and clothes, Viv wouldn't allow me to forget any necessity from a list that she'd easily compiled from raising Reggie. Here and there I could add what caught my eye or spurred some kind of whim with Viv's steady smile and Reggie's joy to bolster each pick.

The more we all fell into a rhythm, the more room there was for my mind to wander and touch on that strange inkling in the periphery. There was a new kind of contentment blossoming and the more I let it settle the more I realized exactly what it was: pride.

I was proud Viv was my friend.

I was proud that I was taking control again.

I was proud my son would be born to a mother entirely out of hiding.

That sunk pleasantly right down to my bones.

"Vivienne?"

Viv whirled but I caught the change in her face just at the voice. Her eyebrows had subtly knitted, her smile turning cordial. "Esme, what a surprise…"

It seemed just as much a shock to the brunette that had paused at the end of our aisle, her dark eyes blinking in disbelief. "I-" her stare fell on me before drifting back to Viv "-ah, so your… friend is pregnant?"

"Oh, yes-" Viv motioned towards me but that hand slid protectively to the small of my back, grasping at my dress. "Maka, this is Esme Delacroix. She-she's an old family friend. Esme, this is Maka Albarn, a close friend."

I wanted to interrupt with a greeting but something about the stiffness between the two left me tongue-tied.

Esme's eyes suddenly turned to appraisal, especially once I was under Viv's hold. "Of yours?"

A breathy laugh left Viv's mouth, her smile undulating through it. "Why would I be anywhere with her if she wasn't mine, Esme? Oh, and my son, Reginald- Reggie. I don't think you've had the pleasure of meeting him yet, though I'm sure your mother told you about him." On cue, the mess of raven hair popped between the two of us.

"Well, hello." Esme offered Reggie a smile and a little wave, watching with limited interest as he reciprocated the motion.

An old family friend who hasn't met Reggie? My shoulders tingled as the apprehension crinkled my muscles.

Viv bent her knees enough to scoop up Reggie's hand, quieting the movement of the scanner. "We're just here setting up Maka's registry. Are you getting a gift for someone?"

"No…" A smile stole across her lips. "Didn't your mother tell you? Clara's pregnant. Just a few last-minute things since she's about to pop!" That hated phrase came with such a twitter of a laugh. "Clara?"

I glanced at Viv just in time to watch her stiffen again.

When I looked back, another woman, her shirt stretching to rival my swell, now stood next to Esme. The family resemblance was obvious, that same brunette hair waving over her shoulders but instead of dark eyes, light hazel shot open wide with surprise. "Vivienne." It wasn't a question like her sister's had been, but much more an accusation, her glare only staying for a moment before settling on me. "Who's this?"

"A friend- Maka." Esme's coo did nothing to wipe away the bitter glare from the other woman.

Those hazel eyes took all of me in, categorizing each piece before finding me entirely lacking. She eased her attention to Viv. "How is Soul?" A sharp bit of victory punctuated that question.

Viv's lip worked between her teeth before she shook her head softly. "Clara, we both know that's none of your business."

She scoffed, but Esme was quick to put a hand on her shoulder. "We have to finish shopping anyway, Clara. Come along. It was lovely to see you, Vivienne." Reggie and I had been completely forgotten as Esme turned, that palm pressing Clara along even if her eyes stayed to stare daggers for as long as they could.

As soon as both turned the corner, Viv heaved a sigh that trailed into a pathetically breathy laugh. "I swear I'm becoming my mother. I can't go anywhere without running into someone. I'm sorry, Maka."

"That was-" I started weakly.

"Let's save that for later," Viv interrupted with a shaky smile. "Right now, I want ice cream. How does that sound, Reggie?" Reggie tugged on her hand and Viv leaned towards him, his lips right next to her ear. She popped back up quickly. "Excuse us for just a minute. Why don't you take this back to the front-" Viv took the scanner from Reggie's grip and transferred it to mine "-and after a visit to the restroom we'll meet you outside."

For once, my bladder wasn't calling me towards the same so I offered Viv a smile and started towards the front desk. It was a forlorn end especially as Viv's tension lingered through my bones. The why was in no way alien to me, and just as I started to paint that dour face into my head, standing next to Soul as some picture-perfect-

"Maka."

I'd never heard my name so grating and when I turned, those hazel eyes were nothing but fury. "I'm sorry, but it was Clara, wasn't it?" I tried to hold onto the innocence of that and leave the picture in my mind behind. Soul's with me. That's all.

"Don't act like you don't know who I am," she spat with a wave of her walnut hair. "I can't believe Vivienne would have the nerve-"

"I'm sorry, but it didn't exactly seem like you owned this place." I turned towards the door, wrapping my fingers tightly around the handle. "We're leaving anyway."

But my elbow jutted me to a stop, her grasp anchored there with perfectly pedicured pink nails. "Ringless means you couldn't have married him, so what-he'll change his mind about children if it's a bastard?"

Rage clenched its fist around my throat.

"I'm surprised he could even get it up long enough to make one," she hissed as her fingers clenched, leaving a red rawness to my skin.

The pain on my arm was nothing compared to how that lanced my heart. What did you do to him? If you could talk to me like this about him, what did you say to him? "Let go of me."

My request was utterly denied as pressure added to the ache in my skin. "What? Did you find out whatever kink he needed to get him off? I knew he must have been some kind of little freak if he couldn't-"

"I thought Viv made it absolutely clear he's none of your business, but let me repeat it. Say one more word about him-" I wretched my arm from her grasp as I spit the rest with all the venom I could produce "-and I'll give you exactly what you deserve for what you did to him!"

"What I did?" She started a harpy's shriek, but it was cut off.

I'd never heard anything but sweet-well, maybe a little scolding-from Viv, but suddenly that songbird contralto was a scratch of grit instead. "Clara!" Viv pressed Reggie towards me before snapping, "Reggie, earmuffs, please."

Reggie instantly slapped his hands over his ears as he burrowed his face into my leg.

"Do not mistake my courtesy to you." Whatever hesitation had lined Viv's words in front of Esme the act was shed entirely as she moved between me and Clara. "Your sister is the only reason I didn't rip you to shreds for even asking about him. He has moved on, and from the looks of it so have you, so there is no reason to even trespass on his happiness."

"He ruined-" she started to hiss but Viv's cry was enough to shatter her complaints to bits.

"No! You almost ruined him." Her hand came up, but the rage fizzled as she clenched her fingers into a fist instead, waving between them in futility. "I have nothing left to say to you. We're leaving." She turned and gathered me up just as quickly as Reggie, firm motherly hands guiding her goslings out the door and onto the street. As soon as we were out of confinement, she scooped Reggie off the ground and into her arms, littering his cheek with kisses. "I'm sorry, darling. I shouldn't've yelled."

Reggie seemed entirely unbothered, especially as he displayed his cheek for more kisses. Sweetly, his hand reached out and patted my shoulder. "Are you OK, Miss Maka?"

That melted more of the ice from Viv's face, an easy sigh fluttering from her lips at the love of her boy.

"Fine, thank you, Reggie." I caressed his little fingers before he pulled them away.

They left to begin softly played in her hair. "Mama, it's time for ice cream!"

Viv exchanged a smile between the two of us. "You have never been more correct." That inkling of running was left behind us, the tension unwinding with each step of distance between us and that tumultuous past. Or at least that was what I thought until Viv opened her mouth again. "Reggie, did you know I met your uncle before I met Daddy?"

Both of our ears perked while Reggie gave the obligatory: "No…"

"And the funny thing is, when I did finally meet Daddy, all I could think of was how identical the two of them were." Viv let Reggie start to slip so he could walk between us, his attention waning with a story that was starting to tangle as many truths as untangle. "They were both so cool, nonchalant-the only difference being your father was more of a Cary Grant while your uncle was entirely James Dean." She let a weak laugh bubble free along with the nostalgia as she sent soft eyes my way. "His brother used to tease him- call him Mr. Cool."

I could swear my heart stopped from the ache.

Viv didn't seem to notice, her smile entirely undiminished as she looked back down at Reggie while their intertwined hands swung. "He had so much life, so much attitude but…" Her lip crinkled before she pulled in a desperate breath. "There's a lot of behaviors we excuse women for. We think that because it's a woman doing it, it can't possibly be all that bad. Men stand up for themselves, after all. I'm honestly ashamed of myself that I let that lie live for as long as it did."

I reached for her, letting my hand tentatively touch her shoulder before sliding it across her back as she drew nearer. Reggie let himself be squeezed between the two of us, steps awkward and off-kilter as I tried to ease the agony of ripping out another of Soul's secrets.

"Reggie, listen to one last thing-" Viv started after clearing her throat, waiting for Reggie's cherubic face to look up at her again. "What that lady did-grabbing Miss Maka like that-was wrong. We don't touch people like that, no matter what."

He nodded curtly, mind surely drifting back to ice cream as soon as the lesson was delivered.

Viv heaved out a sigh. "Unfortunately, no one ever taught Clara that."