Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I'm just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn't going to get you anything but tears.
Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. Feel free to back out if need be.
Author's Note: This could be the opening salvo of a whole lot of shenanigans if I only had the time to do it.
Submitting Info:
Stacked with: Hogwarts (Term 14); Mc4A (Year 4)
Individual Challenges: Neurodivergent; Ship Sails; Zed Era; Old Shoes; Bucket Listing (Y); In a Flash
House: Slytherin
Assignment No.: Term 14 – Assignment 04
Subject (Task No.): n/a
Other Hogwarts Challenges: Fantastic Beasts [45](Something not being what it looks like); 365 Prompts [269](Only One Setting Used); Scavenger Hunt [49](Gift Fic for a Slytherin); Fantasy February (15)[Identity Porn Roommates]; Bottle Fame/Brew Glory [Amortentia](Powdered Moonstone)[Angry]
Other MC4A Challenges: SpB [5E](Baked Goods); TrB [4C](Slice of Life); Ship (Winter Iron)[Sp Med 2](First Aid); Hunt [Sp Items](Box);
Representation(s): Autistic Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes
Primary & Secondary Bonus Challenges: Persistence Still; Endless Wonder; Wabi Sabi
Tertiary & Generic Bonus Challenges: T3 (Terse; Toad)
Word Count: 482 words
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In Which They're Both Lying Liars
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"Tesla fuck it," Tony yelled as he poured rubbing alcohol over the nasty scrape he got when Captain America had thrown him through a wall made of cinder block. Of course, the real issue wasn't the fact that he had been thrown through a wall by the Righteous Idiot with a Dinner Plate for a Weapon. It was that his buddy, the Winter Soldier, had managed to rip a chunk of armor off first. His mind was already spinning ways to make the modular joints stronger, but first he had to deal with treating the wound down his side. It hurt like the bastard son of a bitch.
Tony cursed again.
"What the hell did you do this time, genius?" Bucky demanded as he entered the room with a flat box of cheesy goodness. Despite his boyfriend's horrible timing, Tony could fuck him right there, because he hadn't eaten in the Great Scientists knew how long before he had ended up tangling with the Dynamic Duo of Heroic Sanctimoniousness and his stomach was trying to crawl out of his throat to forage on its own. Bucky set the pizza down on a clear-ish work table out of reach and took the bottle of rubbing alcohol from Tony. "Gimme that, doll. You're only goin' to hurt yourself."
"I just had a little closer encounter with the corner of a station than I ever wanted," Tony lied. He zeroed in on the swollen and rapidly darkening eye that Bucky was sporting. It hadn't been there the last time that he had seen his boyfriend. "Forget what happened to me! What happened to you? Who do I have to kill for maiming your beautiful face?"
"Natalia's knee caught me while we were practicing lifts," Bucky answered with only a hint of hesitation. He gave Tony an innocent look. "If you want to try to kill her, I want to sell tickets."
"You just want to see her smother me with her thighs," Tony accused. Bucky tried to look hurt but couldn't quite hide his leering smirk. "I swear she's like a ninja or something. Does Russia even have ninjas?"
"Nat would definitely be one if they did," Bucky agreed easily. "But she definitely would have defected by now. She may kvetch about him, but I think she actually loves that dumpster fire she's dating."
"Clint does grow on you," Tony commented dryly, having not forgiven the man for once having drunk an entire pot of coffee (freshly brewed just for Tony) straight from said pot. "He's like mold. Maybe we should hire an exterminator or whatever one does for mold."
"That's called murder, darling," Bucky said with an amazingly stoic expression, "and it is frowned upon by most people."
"Meh," Tony dismissed with a wave of his hand. "That sounds like a them problem."
"Kill her dumpster fire and Natalia will end you."
"Fair point."