Summary: Sometimes Arianna wondered, wondered what if…

Sometimes Arianna wondered, wondered what if…

From the balcony, she watched the land peacefully enveloped in a soft blanket of ice and snow. Puffy white reflected the golden light above and she shivered as the north wind bit at her skin and a dozen frozen diamonds circled around her. Through her gloves and cloak, the cold slowly seeped into her bones. Absentmindedly she traced the beautiful flower patterns the frost had painted oh so effortless last night. With each breath, a brittle chill filled her lungs and in elegant swirls of mist, her warmth was quietly absorbed by the sunny winter day.

The queen sighed. Below, a fight had erupted - and what a fight it was! A snowball fight to be more precise. The battle started fairly simple, the Schnitzes vs. Rapunzel and friends. Forts were built, strategies made and soon one ball of compressed white powder after another learned how to fly. At one point Eugene and Lance were pressed back to back. A quick glance and a twitch of their lips were all it took before they teamed up against the rest of the world. After that, alliances changed like leaves in the wind.

Her heart swelled with joy at the lively spectacle. Varian just saved Catalina from a rather thick pile of snow falling down a massive pine tree. Now they both were taking cover behind it to escape the ex-thief and Pascal's upcoming assault. With flushed cheeks, their playful laughter echoed in the winter wonderland. It came as no surprise to her when both banded together as well.

Arianna's eyes lingered fondly on the young alchemist, bright and fun and sweet. As queen, they were all her children, but Varian more so than any. It was different, a more personal. In a way, she had seen him grow up. She knew him since he was a baby, cradled safely into his mother's slender arms. Course everyone had noticed her staring at the bubbly bundle. Back then she'd gracefully declined the offer to hold him. Pride did not allow her to follow the desire yet prevented spilling additional tears. It had been half a decade, still, it felt like yesterday since her own child was so viciously robbed from her. Quirin didn't bring Varian again. At least not until the boy was a toddler. She remembered the cute mop of black hair happily playing in her hallways. When Quirin's family had been reduced to only the two of them, Varian would occasionally tag along too - a tiny shadow at the throne room's door frame, shy and timid. She wished she'd said something besides the empty sounding, "I am sorry for your loss." Perhaps it would have made things less complicated.

In the end, Varian became a smart, polite, and kind young man. However, she could have spared him so much sorrow. He was good at hiding it, but she still saw it. Saw it in the way he avoided the guards, in the way he couldn't look her in the eyes or seemed so entirely uncomfortable around Frederic, using her daughter and son in law as a shield between them. Saw it in the straight line of his shoulders when he spoke, always a little on edge, always cautious.

The queen couldn't stop wondering about the what-ifs. What if she had found the right words, tried a little harder. What if she had realized sooner?

It was mind-blowing. The boy was an open book for her now, so easy to read, so easy to love, and even easier to guide. He was inherently good and always willing to be better.

She closed her eyes and kept on wondering what if…

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"Varian…," the iron chain around Arianna's ankle rattled foreboding in the dark.

He had been treating her decent so far, nevertheless, she stood wary of him. The alchemist was dangerous and highly unstable.

"Quiet," Varian replied in cold anger not willing to listen to her pointless pleads.

And then it happened. She could hear a voice, a whisper, a prompter sharing the knowledge of the lost soul in front of her. Was it her own? Arianna found courage in the thought. She would trust her instincts and let them guide her to a different future.

"Varian you have to stop!" She tried to appeal to his reason.

"I'm gonna fix things," he snapped not going into details. His eyes shone dark with resolve as he filled up his chemical traps and reached for a tool on the ground.

Honesty, something mouthed into her ear. "Varian you're scaring me…"

The alchemist squeezed his eyes shut. He knew that tone. It was the same Ruddiger made more and more recently. Broken glass crunched under his feet as he headed for one of his bigger machines.

The queen saw a flicker of guilt rushing over his face while passing by. Suddenly sure that he wouldn't hurt her she pushed on. "Why are you doing this?"

Varian paused in his step."I have to fix it," the alchemist repeated, his back turned towards her. It looked very small, yet his voice was drenched in determination, never wavering, never yielding, never doubting his goal. She could see how exhausted he was beneath it all.

Almost inaudible, as if talking to himself he added, "It wouldn't be like this if I just had been better." With shaky fingers, he clutched the old hammer in his hand and was about to resume his work.

"Look around you! This isn't helping," the queen spoke the unforgiving truth. Deep down he knew it too.

"How can I not try and make it right?" He lashed out and twisted around to face the queen. Here in the dim light he appeared almost haunted and with each furious step that invaded Arianna's space her hope sunk.

"It's my fault," Varian spat as he admitted to a reality his heart wasn't able to deny. Heavily it had weighed on him for so long now and finally, it got out. A part of him awaited the queen's judgment in fear, not sure if he could handle the fall out of what it implied. Another more sadistic one wanted to see her fail, see her turn away, leave him in his hour of need like the rest of corona, to prove that they'd deserve what was coming, prove him right! She was just another spineless coward, silently watching without ever listening, without ever providing an ounce of help. Her words meant nothing to him!

Baffled and confused at the blaze of fury directed at her Arianna didn't know what to say. She couldn't possibly imagine what was going through the boy's head, but she could tell that there was a gentle pressure, a ghostly hand lifting her chin, directing her gaze to the amber. Oh.

"Varian, is that what you think? That this is your fault?"

She'd been there. If she had been a better mother, more careful, had listened, hadn't gotten sick in the first place her daughter would have never been stolen by that wicked witch. And even after, she should have done more, searched harder for her little girl… It took Arianna a long time to learn that guilt wasn't always rational nor logical.

Varian bit his tongue and refused to look at the woman. The mother inside her wanted to comfort him, while the prisoner was still cuffed to the ground and the Queen had to stay strong.

"I know it," his voice sounded fragile, on the brink of breaking and letting him sink into the depth of his misery. It felt weird sharing his dark secret for the first time, especially with her. He thought he had hidden it so well but somehow it managed to crawl up to the surface. Why now?

"No," Arianna insisted firmly. "It's not. It's not your fault your father is that way."

For a split second, the boy's eyes widened before he looked away once more. She knew he wasn't believing her.

"There isn't a fault," the words appeared without her consent. "It just is." Nonetheless, she found strength in them and continued on her own. "But all this," she waved her arm, motioning to the destruction around them. "You trying to make it your responsibility, this is causing real harm," Arianna found her footing as she gained momentum. "Thinking that if you had just been better, things would've been different, that you are responsible for fixing things that are beyond your control," the queen paused. "It's not the way."

His eyes snapped open and hers ultimately met with those of the child. Ever so gently she took the burden out of his shaking hands. "Varian it's not your fault. And I still want to help you, if you let me."

Varian was completely and utterly lost. Standing in the remains of his destroyed home, a billion emotions crossed behind those big burning blue orbs, as her words washed soothingly over him. For months he was so scared, alone, in pain, and above all so very tired. His shoulders started to tremble and he covered his face with his hands.

Something shoved against Arianna's back and she reached for him without a second thought.

Before Varian could make up his mind, or rationalize or lie to himself again there was a pair of arms wrapped around his body. She felt warm and safe and it had been so long. Fat tears dripped down his cheeks and he could hear his own pathetic sobs, first small and then louder and louder as he surrendered into the queen's embrace. Like a dam bursting, he just couldn't stop crying. Arianna held him close, while Varian tried to quell the ugly sounds ripping through him.

"It's fine. Let it all out," she mumbled softly.

The kid latched onto her, burying his face in her chest as he cried his heart out.

She didn't know how long she was holding him like this, only knew that with each tear the boy shed her own soul was hurting. She was the queen of Corona her duty lay with her people and it was her inaction as well that brought them to this. In doing nothing she had betrayed her kingdom.

"It's not your fault." All she could do now was to offer him the exit he'd been so desperately searching for, and he took it so readily. At this point, any exit would do, cause the alternative was just too much to bear.

"Uh…uhu…guh..ngh," Varian's cries turned into pitiful coughing. He needed to take a deep breath. "Guhh…haaahaa…ry…" Again he scrambled for air. "R…rry…Sorry…"

Please don't apologize, she thought, feeling her cheeks getting wet as well. But she did not stop him. As queen she was mother to all, there was no denying that she failed this boy oh so miserably.

"I am sorry," the boy repeated struggling between each rapid and shallow breath. "It… it was an accident."

New tears welled up, joining her already soaked dress. For all his bravado and skill he was nothing but a child, naive and dumb and small, and she swore here and now to protect him. She looked at Quirin again.

"I know."

Everything is gonna be okay, I promise, she almost assured, but got hushed by the ominous feeling. Instead, she said, "I am here," and rubbed gently along his back.

"I am sorry too, Varian," she whispered, voice raspy and thin.

When Rapunzel and Frederic finally arrived to her rescue they found both of them cuddled in a corner, with Arianna's kidnapper collapsed in her arms. One look from her and they put their weapons down.

"Arianna dear?" The king asked unsure.

"He's going through a lot right now," the queen shushed and kept on petting Varian's hair.

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Raps threw another snowball, followed by Varian's mischievous laugh and Arianna sighed once more. Maybe it was for the best. It wasn't up to her to decide where the tides of life led, but sometimes she wondered what if...