I'd never seen so many pastels in all my life. I thought I'd been exposed to enough soft hues-not saying my undergrad work was all peaches and cream-but this was enough powder blue to last a lifetime. The back room of the restaurant Viv and Marie had picked out was drenched in it. Even though that wasn't my normal color palette, I tried to bleed into the background and become another part of the wallpaper. Alright, part of that was my regular ol' run-of-the-mill social anxiety-you know, the fact that I still wasn't Wes and never would be.

The second part? Well, it was her day, right? Or maybe it was Jack's. I still wasn't exactly well-versed on this since I'd been saved from having to attend Viv's all those years ago by my mother still segregating the sexes. From what I could see, this was a day for the woman to be fawned over, for the gaggle of those who love her to prop her up with stories of her future bouncing baby boy and how wonderful he'd be. That was the point of today, not the new boyfriend-especially the one that wasn't the father-hovering around to steal a good segment of the attention. So I decided I'd lay low, just close enough that if she needed me I was an eyebrow's raise away.

"Here." Blake broke me from my spiraling thoughts as he leveled a bottle of beer with my nose. We'd already gotten past food and cake, but I could promise you the mimosa bar and beer were still flowing.

"Huh-" I smirked as I took the offering "-first time for everything, I guess." I had avoided drinking anything-hell, I was driving a pregnant woman-but at this point, one couldn't hurt, especially not when it was coming from the man who'd stolen more than enough from me.

"Don't get used to it," he muttered as he tossed himself into the chair next to me. "What's the point of these things?"

"Was honestly thinking the same thing…" We both paused for a sip and I was almost sure the conversation was going to die.

"You talk to Spirit yet?" There was a deeply irritating shine to his eyes as he managed the question with lips that were dying to grin.

"He's avoiding me." Without hesitation I jutted my chin out towards Maka's shadow, not changing a bit of my expression even as it earned me the attention of the red-head in question.

"Kinda surprising." To make matters worse, Blake tossed an enthusiastic wave in the direction of the group. While Maka's brow had that cute little wrinkle of confusion, her father's was a canyon of crankiness. "Usually by now, he's grilled any guy down to his brand of underwear."

"What does he even want to hear?" I muttered before kicking back another draft.

"I'm gonna go ahead and just answer: literally nothing you have to say. So don't sweat it." The neck of his bottle clicked to mine before he chuckled. "Seriously, the guy's gonna hate you for an eternity. Even after you marry her and knock her up with your own little white-haired babies."

I was a second away from a spit-take, luckily only leaving me heaving a bit of air in the bottle.

That only encouraged more of that annoying laughter, but just as I was about to knock an elbow into his side, it was cut off by that idiot's goofy grin projecting past me. "Took you long enough to get here. What? You find three hundred and thirty-three blueberries instead of a nice even three hundred and thirty-two and have to drive out to the farm?"

Blueberries? My head swiveled behind me just in time for my eyes to leap from their sockets. "Kid?"

"Oh…" Even after taking another glance around the room-his eyes definitely falling on the mess of baby attention at the front of the room-Kid still blinked at Blake in disbelief. "Am I in the right place?"

"Of course you are," Blake snickered as he waved to the seat next to me. "But how the fuck do you know each other?"

"He's my new boss-" fell out of my mouth as it sat slightly ajar "-but how the fuck do you know each other?" I was able to snap my jaw shut on that as I turned my attention back to Blake.

"Three of us grew up together." His finger easily swished from Kid to himself to Maka.

"Our parents are all work associates," Kid amended as he carefully arranged himself in the chair.

"Small fucking world," I mumbled as I threw a hand through my hair. "But… how do you know Viv then?"

His head tilted as he started to fix the table cloth, an adventure that I thought was going to take all his processing power but his voice started steadily: "I assume you know your sister-in-law well."

"I guess…" Maybe I should have had a little more confidence, but it always seemed like no matter how well you knew Viv, you didn't. She had always been one of those people that cares for every last one around her but when it comes to letting herself be taken care of? Well… that's a whole other story.

"So then you know about Rémy." Any work of Kid's fingers stopped, instead tensing into the cloth.

"Well, yeah," I answered glumly. Her brother was the other uncle that Reggie should have in his life. Viv had never really gotten that much into it-and I'm definitely not one to force it out of her-but I knew what Wes had told me: Rémy killed himself a month before Wes and Viv met. That party we'd all been at was the first time Viv had been out of the house since the funeral.

"Rémy and I met at the hospital-after the first time." I could hear the forced clinicality to that but before I could even try to offer some kinda social nicety, he interrupted: "But what are you doing here?" Kid's voice was never soft and endearing, sorta always half an accusation, and that one gave me a little heat under my collar.

"I'm, uh, dating Maka." Maybe a little swell of pride rumbled up in my chest at the words, but of course, something like that was destined to be short-lived.

"No-" came back with all the certainty of reading it out of a textbook "-you're not."

"Kid-" Blake started but Mr. Analytical's gears were already too busy turning.

"Brian McKenna has been with Maka for-"

"Kid-" Blake was hissing but it didn't do an ounce of good.

"What?" He snapped at the other man's annoyance, not even registering the greying around my gills. "I even asked Maka, and she verified that it was Brian who-"

"Kid-" Even though the name wasn't mine, it was my chest that Blake's hand smacked into. "This is Soul-fucking-Evans, and he's dating Maka now, and he's helping with the baby. Get on the same page."

The mechanisms in Kid's brain were obviously in overdrive as his eyes darted between Blake and me. "You never introduced yourself with the 'fucking.'"

Blake's snickering fed my own gritty laugh, letting some of the worries of Kid's comments melt away. The name had already stuck, though-Brian McKenna-and I couldn't stop my brain from saving it away for later. For what, I didn't know, especially since my mind had no time to consider nefarious deeds as the man of my nightmares was walking over.

"Kid, nice of you to come." Spirit offered a hand-something he hadn't done for me, just so you know-and the two of them shook a little less than cordially.

"I apologize for being late."

"Nah, nice to have you-" Spirit's voice was all light and joy as he dumped himself into the seat next to Kid. "Have you said 'hello' to Maka? She's glowing."

Blake rolled his eyes and I struggled not to do the same.

"I actually wanted to confer with Soul for another minute." Kid waved over at me, unknowingly unlocking the flood gates. "He's seeing Maka."

"I know," Spirit snapped back before huffing. "But for some reason he's sitting over here playing the perfect little wallflower instead of showering my daughter with the attention she deserves."

OK, dig taken. I couldn't actually deny what I was doing, but one quick glance at Maka told me I wasn't exactly in the wrong. Anytime our eyes met it was just another soft smile, another sweet little wave or something to tell me she knew I was there. So smitten little me wasn't exactly going to take that much of the accusation lying down: "Sorry, I thought we both knew your daughter could handle herself. And it ain't like it's a pack of wild dogs-these are her friends. She doesn't get to see 'em all that much so if she needs me-"

It wasn't just Blake's snickers that cut me off but Spirit's guffaw. "Well, leave it to you to forget about the baby again. Listen, Maka's one thing, but my grandson-"

"Told ya not to sweat it, Mr. Cool-" Blake snuck in with a grating whisper next to my ear that only fueled the fire in my gut.

"Again?" I spat. "Never forgot about him the first time, so I don't-"

Spirit leaned across Kid, making sure his finger waggled just enough to get close to my face. "Oh, is that why you never went to any of her appointments?"

Blake whistled before whispering again, "Last warning, Mr. Cool…"

"Listen, that's between me and-"

"Boys." I knew that voice but definitely not the tone, and when I swiveled my head, I found Marie staring us all down like a Yakuza member in a club. "Is there a problem?"

"No," Spirit grumbled as he instantly crumpled back into the seat.

Alright, I knew I should just follow suit, take my scolding, and just go back to zinging smoldering vibes Spirit's way the rest of the party but… No. Just fucking no. "Yeah, there is-" instead of venom, I turned my head towards Spirit and tried to deliver the most charged sentence I'd ever uttered "-because I want you to get this straight: I love Jack. Being with your daughter is one thing, but your grandson is another and I know that. Trust me, loving Jack has been the easiest thing I've ever done, so I don't appreciate the insinuation that I don't." Even though I could feel the icy exhaust, I sent my eyes back to Marie only to find her smiling.

She turned the same smile to Spirit. "I think Mr. Cool said enough, don't you, Spirit?"

Blake's snorting laugh was enough to overpower the grumbles coming from Spirit's direction.

Mirthful brown eyes turned back to me. "Now, would you mind packing some of the stuff up? I think Maka's starting to get tired."

"Yeah." I nodded with all the surety I could manage as I got to my feet, only offering parting glances to Blake and Kid. I took long, quick strides over to her, slowly unwinding as her smile blossomed with each step closer.

"Everything OK?"

"Fine," I murmured. All I wanted to do was scoop her up and out of the chair and squeeze her until I could convince myself of that. Instead, I rested a hand on her head, smoothing a little of her hair. "Just thinking I should try to get some of this in the car before you drown in boxes. What goes first?"

She hummed thoughtfully as her head moved against my hand to look back and forth. "The big stuff, I guess? Definitely the crib."

"I'll start with that and see what room's left." I tried for a little enthusiasm but as my eyes followed hers to the box I wasn't exactly hopeful. The inside of the little compact she'd let me drive her over here in wasn't exactly spacious. I played with her hair just for a second longer before starting the trek over to the box and hefting it into my arms. Luckily the door was propped open-probably by Marie-so it just took a sidestep to get me outside and into the parking lot.

"Soul?"

I bristled. This was co-ed, and Viv had planned half of it, but I'm not gonna lie and say I hadn't hoped my brother would stay at home. Instead, it was his steady footsteps coming up behind me and his hand reaching for the keys clipped to my belt. "Thanks."

"Now, if you're worried about room, you have to know that Viv's already thought of this." The fob beeped and Wes took a few hurried steps to get in front of me and open the trunk of Maka's car. "We took separate cars today since I'm supposed to chauffeur whatever's leftover."

I rested the box on the opening as I chuckled softly. "Yeah, shoulda guessed."

His laugh was tighter than mine, trickling off as I stood staring at the crib box. "It seems like Maka got everything she needed."

"Yeah." My agreement fluttered towards the box again but at least I could motivate myself to finagle it into the space. This is always how it is, isn't it? That stupid 'how's the weather' type of bullshit. I didn't want to look at him, but honestly I knew I had nowhere to go. One way or another I'd see that same old face, the beaming surety that always brought me some sick mix of jealousy and sadness that I couldn't quit. As I finally got the crib in place I turned my head over my shoulder.

Except I swear it wasn't my brother I was looking at-it was me. Scared, unsure, with a million different words on my tongue that I knew weren't going to be right. I blinked, and while the picture was now definitely Wes it was still all the same emotions washing his features out. "Soul, I'm sorry."

"For what?" The question instantly dropped from my mouth without a filter, sorta still sitting in shock of seeing that face.

"Viv always knows," he murmured forlornly as he threw a hand back towards the party. "She just knows what you need before you even need it and she's only known you for a few years and here I am, your brother and I can't even-" The way his voice halted was just another echo of one of the million times I'd tried to talk to him.

"Wes, it's-it's OK."

"No, it's not." He threw a hand into his hair before dropping his eyes to the trunk. "I'd just like to stop disappointing you."

Disappointing me? My jaw could have scraped the floor. "I-I'm not disappointed." I'm scared. I'm fucking terrified that my life's not right-and that that's what you think. That I'm some kind of disappointment.

"Then could you just talk to me?" The desperate question made his voice hit a peak I'd never heard from him before. A horrible sigh clattered after it before he turned halfway towards the building to lament at the parking lot. "And here I am just making it worse because today's supposed to be about Maka-about you, but I can't stop being selfish."

"Wes." For a terrifying moment, my hand seemed to move on its own to clutch into his shirt sleeve like I was still in kindergarten. "It's the other way around."

He blinked at my hand and when it didn't disappear he followed it to my face with the same surprise echoing in his own voice. "What?"

"I wish I could stop disappointing you." I dropped my hand from him, letting it fall so I could clutch uselessly at my leg like that was going to hold me together. My gut was screaming to make a run for it, to make some excuse about packing the cars and just forget I'd let out that bit of emotional vomit.

"What?" That word came up broken and crumbling from his throat as his eyes went wide.

"Ever since…" There was a fist tightening around my throat, making the rest just a pathetic huff of air. Ever since I tried to be just like you. I was sure that I could copy it all perfectly-the smarts, the talent, the girl--but I was wrong.

"Soul, I am not mother and father-" that came with such cold surety I wasn't even sure Wes had said it except that I had watched the words fall pointedly off his lips "-and I think the only time I was ever disappointed was when you gave up the piano-or at least I thought you did." Any of the chill had drifted away with the warmth of his smile. "That was a piece of you that was always singularly yours."

I thought I'd find some pride in that, but it was the swelling reply from my heart that made me actually want to beam: Nah, Wes, now it's ours. Me and Maka. It's a piece of me I get to share with her that no one else gets. "Don't worry, I'm gonna keep playing."

"Good," Wes's smile grew with the reply. "Especially since it's always something to try when you're at your wits' end with a screaming baby."

My eyes drifted back towards the crib. "Somehow, I ain't too worried about that."

Wes hummed knowingly. "No, I suppose not. Let's get the rest."

I turned back in time to catch his back starting away from me. The distance was still there-old wounds refusing any quick healing-but at least there was a string pulling me back to him. It was strange how all it took was seeing that my brother wasn't invincible-that underneath it all he and I were actually the same.

There wasn't really an inch of walking space left in the living room. My ass was mostly in the entryway as I sat to ponder the crib instructions.

"Soul," Maka murmured with a giggle as her knees tapped into my back. "He's not coming tomorrow."

"Yeah, but…" I motioned towards the assortment but my eyes refused to leave the schematics. I wasn't entirely sure what I was getting at since my mind was still all on arrows and screws.

Her sigh gently drifted down to me before she nudged my back again. "I think I'm going to take a shower."

"OK. I'll be here," I muttered to the paper. Maka's warmth left my back but only a few footsteps sounded before utter silence again. I broke from the spell of directions to twist, catching her watching me from the doorway of her bedroom. "Or I could-I'll leave if you need me to."

"No, it's not that…" She leaned against the doorway, her blonde hair cascading perfectly with the tilt of her head. I was kind of lost in that for a minute, almost missing the second half of her sentence: "Papa told me what you said today."

I didn't know what was worse: reliving the argument in my head or the way there was no describable emotion on her face. "I didn't mean to fight with him…" I whispered dummy as my eyebrows furrowed.

Thankfully a bit of a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "I don't think you could have avoided fighting with him, honestly. I'm not angry, it's just… what you said about Jack."

"Oh…" I shrugged, at least that part of the conversation not bringing back an ounce of shame. "It was the truth."

"I know it was." Her smile blossomed a little more but it didn't seem like her eyes were catching on as they trailed down to the swell of her stomach. "Thank you, I guess." She planted a palm against her stomach. "It sounds stupid, but thank you."

"It's not stupid." The paper drifted from between my fingers as I got to my feet. "Maka, are you OK?"

"Uh, yeah-" she laughed that off almost as quickly as I said it as she waved me away with her other hand. "I'll feel better after I shower, that's all. Go ahead and ponder the crib, but don't go crazy." She warned me quickly with a turn of her heels before disappearing into the bedroom.

I took one more step, eyeing her through the open door as she grabbed her robe and made her way back towards the door. "Maka, can I-"

"Soul, seriously-" all of the amiability was back on her face as she clutched the terry-cloth to her chest "-it's not like you can shower for me!" Her laughter muted anything I had in reply and so did her movements, slipping into the bathroom before I could even arrange an argument.

But something was wrong. This wasn't the Maka from the entire baby shower-on cloud nine in the group of people she loved. There was something muddled about her now, maybe even unsure. I listened to the shower start and sighed as my eyes flipped indecisively between the crib, the bathroom, and the bedroom. I was literally at a crossroads, but what fucking direction I was supposed to take was beyond me.

She's not mad about her dad.

I took a few footsteps back to the open crib box, plunking down in front of the directions.

Something was off about her thank you though-a thank you for loving her son.

I sighed and while my fingers flicked at the edge of the paper, I didn't grab it.

What are you going to do, Soul Evans? What are you supposed to do?

I touched my phone over the fabric of my pants, pondering calling Viv. That was a cop-out though, wasn't it? I couldn't expect Viv to know every in-and-out of Maka and even if I was asking from the you've-been-pregnant-before perspective that was still me taking the easy way out. Instead, I did what I did best, overanalyzing every last second of our day for the message. The only problem seemed to be the age-old one: What-or more like who--had today been for? The whole day was Jack, Jack, Jack, and there was Maka still afraid, still trying to have some kind of autonomy and no one was giving it to her. Maka spent the day being Jack's mom and only that. And here I was, the boyfriend who was supposed to adore her, be there for her, and I'd fallen into the same trap.

I heard the shower shut off and like the good ol' guard-dog I was, I waited and watched. She opened the bathroom door, her robe wrapped tightly around her. Not even a glance was offered my way before she rushed into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. I could remember letting this happen a million times before-words easily left unsaid and discussions never had for the sake of not rocking the boat. Honestly, a small part of me was really begging to do the same so that the little I did have right now wasn't going to be in jeopardy. Except if Maka had taught me anything, it was that taking a chance was better than standing still. I tried to hear my own words in the back of my head as I stood and walked towards the bedroom: making a decision-good or bad-is brave, or at least braver than the alternative.

I knocked.

There was utter silence for a moment before her voice pitched upward: "I'm not dressed."

"I-I know." I let a withering, fearful breath flutter over my lips as my palm pressed against the door. It only got to rest there for a second before the door popped open, creaking in a slow arch to reveal her still clutching tightly to her robe. "I'm also sorta guessing that you're not alright," I murmured.

She sighed as one of the fists that had been working into the cloth unraveled so she could cover her eyes. "It's stupid."

"Doubt that, but…" I dared to take a step, finding her still enough that I could get one hand hovering near her hip. "Can I touch you?"

She hiccuped a bitter little laugh as she moved to meet me, her head planting against my chest while my arm moved to wrap around her waist. "You didn't do anything wrong."

That brought at least a drift of relief, urging me to wrap my other arm around her. I let out a slow breath at her hairline before replacing it with a kiss. "What can I do?"

There didn't seem to be an answer for that, just a few sniffles as she pressed her face against my chest. Maka just latched and held while my hands easily smoothed up and down her back. I wasn't exactly counting the minutes, but after some time, she tilted her head to let the words ring against my neck: "Kiss me."

It was hard for me not to follow that request, especially when I pulled away enough to see those beautiful jade eyes trying to pull me in, but I sighed all the same. "Maka, if there's something wrong-"

Apparently, it was more of an order since her lips were on mine with a heated urgency that threatened to zap away any sense I had left. I knew I had to hit the brakes, but at least in those few moments before I did I tried to give her just as much fervor as she was sending my way. While one arm still steadied her around the waist, the other hand sunk into her hair, letting her linger until I pulled her away at least for a breath. "That helps," she murmured.

Maka was already trying to dive back in but I just kept her kisses at bay with my fingers still tangled into her damp tresses. "Helps what?"

"How jealous I can get," she murmured with a rueful laugh against my lips.

"Jealous?" Death, between Wes's disappointment and this, I was thinking I was going to need to invest in a dictionary. "Maka, jealous of what?" I could have shaken her, especially as she blinked back a few tears.

"When you kiss me like that…" her voice broke into a little whimper as she bit cutely into her bottom lip "... it makes me think you could…" I was hanging on every last syllable since none of it was making sense to me. "Soul, kiss me like that again."

She was resisting the hold I had in her hair and between the request and the way she was tipping her body into mine maybe there wasn't a lot of self-control on my end. I was confused, I wanted answers, but her kiss pulled me back in like a tornado. I'm definitely not exactly a strong man and the way her hands were creeping under my shirt was making all the rest of my logic dissolve.

No, no, no, no letting this get away! Be brave, you stupid idiot! "I-if this is about-" Oh, Death, I had no idea what this was about and the way she was hanging off of me wasn't helping.

"I told you, it's stupid," she whispered as she finally let her cheek come to mine. Her voice lingered so closely- so fucking sweetly against my ear. "I'm impatient. I'm just- I'm so ready for you to say those kinds of things about me just as easily as you can say them about Jack."

Oh. I swear to Death maybe my brain flatlined for a solid minute. OH! Of course, I'd fucking spouted "I love Jack" like it was a footnote in the ten commandments but Maka and I had never-not once discussed anything beyond the us being together part. Obviously, my feelings for Jack and my feelings for Maka were different-they had to be-but…

"I know it's too early-" another weak laugh trickled from her throat "-and I don't expect you to. We were friends first, and that came with certain feelings but-"

I didn't want that but so I caught it with my mouth before she could get there. I love you-those damn words-was something I'd said before, something I'd heard before. I understood it with Viv, with Reggie, sometimes with Wes, but the way it'd been said with Clara… I hadn't thought I'd been lying when I said I wasn't good at loving someone since no matter how hard I tried, Clara's definition of love wasn't something I could create.

So did I love Maka? I wanted to know everything about her, and the panic of her knowing even the darkest shit about me was starting to fade. I wanted to support her whenever she asked, and I wanted to actually let myself rely on what she could give me. I wanted to stay with her as long as she'd let me, and I wasn't about to let any of the old shit get in the way of that. And I wanted my kiss to feed her every last bit of those thoughts.

There was no way to ignore my body either. This wasn't a time for those early wonderings of my wants, instead, my hands were eager to bunch up that terry cloth. There was an eruption of warmth as that layer came away between us, now just my button-down keeping skin from skin. The idea must have echoed to her mind because those hands that had been so searching along my back were trying to find a way to shimmy between us to my buttons. "Is it- can I?"

I gave her enough distance to let her hands in, one eyelet already gone as my eyes searched every inch of her face. She was a brilliant pink, her eyes not meeting mine but focused on the shirt between us. "Maka, I-I don't mind it's just-" We'd never been entirely naked. I mean, if anything, we'd acted more like exploring teens than I had when I was an actual teen, but besides what I'd done to Maka, none of it had ever required me getting undressed. I was sorta starting to spiral on the logistics when Maka's eyes finally shot to mine.

"Soul-" Oh, Death, could you ever lose yourself in that beautiful jade when they were just burning at you "-no matter what happens, or what doesn't happen, my feelings for you aren't going to change."

There was a definite wobble to my knees as my heart jittered up into my throat. That's right, I'm safe. Maybe that was odd, but I guess that was the part of love I'd never had before. Even with my family, love had always felt inconsistent, always earned rather than part of an equal exchange. I could believe her that no matter what: I'd get back what I gave. "Go ahead."

My glance didn't drift to my buttons since that was now obviously a job she was taking care of with intense interest but into the opening of her robe. While she was busy, I moved my hand from the small of her back to the opening, letting my palm meet the smooth skin of her side. She rewarded me with a sweet sigh and an even sweeter whisper: "You have a nice chest."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "You think?"

"Don't tease me," she muttered.

"Don't tease me," I murmured back. Before I could do anything with my hands, hers were tugging the shirt down my arms, making me release her. "I ain't all that-"

"I swear to Death if you're going to try to say you're not handsome," she spat with just enough fury to get me to laugh. "Between that your smirk, or your eyes-"

With my shirt abandoned and my hands free, I tilted her chin up and caught any more embarrassing compliments with my lips. I didn't have all that much brain space to be bashful though since all logical thought was thrown away as soon as our skin touched. It didn't matter the shape or the angles that cut between us as I shimmied into the opening in her robe so I could get as much contact as possible. I just wanted to feel her, to experience as much of it as I could because I knew no matter where we got by the end of the night, neither of us was far away from being in love.