sexual content ahead!

I could blame my wandering mind on a lot of things-it was a Monday, not to mention my last week at work-but it was that word. Love. Every time I looked at the terrace, it was to see her there: a ghost from our first date. If someone brushed past me, it brought back the fleeting memory of her hands on me. When I closed my eyes, it wasn't darkness but some picture of her. In other words, I had Maka on the brain and there was no way to dampen it since our schedules were still off. Meeting anywhere but in the middle of the night in bed wouldn't happen until at least Thursday and…

I sorta couldn't stop thinking about sinking my hands into her hair.

Or how unbelievably soft her skin was.

Or feeling her nails dig into my shoulder while I-

"Earth! To! Soul!"

I jumped out of my skin and almost half over the bar, only adding to Liz's exasperation.

"I get it, you're almost free, but at least give me your attention until then." She slapped the drink order that was already stuck to the counter again.

"Sorry," I mumbled as I slid it out from under her fingers and actually got back to work.

Instead of leaving me to mix, she leaned over the bar. "Nothing's wrong with the baby, right?"

"You just saw her at the shower." I tried to chuckle away the worry in her voice.

"OK, but that stuff is delicate, isn't it?" I shrugged, leaving Liz to hum out thoughtfully before leaning even closer. As if she would ever quit. "Did something happen with you two?"

"We're at work-"

"Technically, we're in a bar!" That was a teasing, joyful chime that just about raised every hair on the back of my neck. "A good something?"

I knew my blush was answering for me since not only could I feel the heat all the way to my ears, but her smile was blossoming.

"So you're just daydreaming!" She gently nudged my shoulder with less than her usual punch. "That's so cute!"

"Ridiculous," I muttered. I finished the Manhattan and started on G&T as she continued to wiggle with anticipation. "Nothing big."

"Yeah, right!"

"That's all I'm saying," I hissed before clanking the next glass to the counter. "A real lady doesn't kiss'n'tell." That had her in stitches, bringing back a little bit of breath. It was hard not to feel the worry filtering in between us since the inevitable was coming. "Anyway, I saw you two exchanging numbers at the shower, so you should just pump her for information from now on."

"That's right, you're divorcing us," Liz lamented. The last of the drinks-some pink mess of sweet liquor the place had so disgustingly named A Cupid's Kiss-hit the table before she lifted the tray. "And I hope you know I am going to ask her."

I rolled my eyes, but a grin still pulled at the corners of my mouth.

That sassy little sashay Liz had perfected brought her away from me, but I still followed the drink order as she went. Maybe I was trying to distract myself-keep my brain on the job for at least another minute-but I could swear I was just looking at another mirage.

Except this one wasn't a ghost of my affection but instead my utter hatred: Liz was putting that G&T on the table in front of a tall man who turned to her with bright blue eyes.

That poor new-hire Kilik they'd found to replace me was probably dreaming of scenarios in his head as to the perfect way to murder me, but I had to jet to the storeroom. I was five minutes into my fifteen and I still hadn't come up with even a corner of a plan. Brian McKenna was here. I'd at least had enough sense to try to ask Tsu as low-key as I could about what was up with that table-"just another lawyer-client smooze session"-but after that, I'd come up dry. Was I supposed to hide? Hope he didn't see me in all my bartender glory?

My phone was burning a hole in my palm. Maka's contact was blaring on the screen but after another minute I flicked until I got to one I wasn't exactly expecting-even worse, he picked up on the first ring. "Mr. Cool! Thought you were still at work."

"I am," I croaked but anything else I had planned fluttered away. Why did I call him of all people?

"Uh, so…?"

"Brian's-" I spat.

"Tell me that asshole's not with Maka right now." The bangs in the background started almost instantly, meaning he was either tornadoing through his apartment or on his way out the door to kick ass. "I swear if he's at that apartment-"

"No, he's here." The flood started up my throat with no cap to keep it down. "He's at the hotel having a business dinner with some fucking client. Here-of all fucking places-and I can't stop looking at that smug fucking face without wanting to knock the shit out of him."

"Then do it-" came with a wave of Blake's cackles.

"Dude…" Sure, that was a complaint but a weak one. Honestly, I wanted to do it-exactly why my brain probably went to Blake in the first place.

"Yeah, yeah," he griped right back. "I get it, you don't want to piss her off-"

Or get arrested, idiot.

"-but if you don't, I will. Or maybe even Kid."

Kid? I let out a puff of a laugh. Imagining him swinging was a little out of the realm of possibility for me.

"At least tell me you're willing to fuck with him a little."

I toed the concrete for a second. "You got an idea?"

"Duh," Blake crooned before laughing again. "Listen, next round of drinks, you bring 'em. Hell-don't wait for the order, just bring 'em on the house."

I rolled my eyes even if he wasn't going to benefit from seeing it. "How is that gonna piss him off?"

"You don't know Brian," Blake snickered. "The second he sees you-Mr. Part-time bartender-acting like you know him and should be friendly with him and that you stole his girl? Pfft."

My stomach lurched, spilling the words that should have been a thought: "Yeah, as soon as he sees he lost to a loser."

"A loser?" That came even more viciously than his offer to deck Brian for me. "Who the fuck are you calling a loser in this equation?"

"I'm-"

But there wasn't a way for me to get another syllable out before he was booming back at me: "You think his lawyer bullshit means anything? We're talking about the guy who doesn't want to be a father if he can't control his girlfriend. I know you're not stupid-I know you see the way Maka had it with him. Except maybe you don't see the other side like I do. That's where I see a guy who didn't have to give a shit but did out of the goodness of his heart. I see a guy who my best friend chose to raise her son. She didn't have to do that. And what the hell do you think would happen if you went ahead and told her she chose a loser?"

I barely choked down a swallow at the idea. She'd kill me. Probably yell at me an hour straight.

"And yeah, Brian's going to think you're a fucking loser, but who the hell cares? You're going to show him that you see him-hell, you see him seeing you and you don't give a fuck. Because at the end of the day, you're the one she chose, not that fucker."

"Yeah," I croaked.

"Damn, Mr. Cool, c'mon, say it a little louder."

"Alright," I sighed out with a little more gusto.

"I mean, that was pathetic, but I guess I'll take it." His laughter reverberated through the phone again. "Anyway, I like you better. Bartender or working for Kid, you're still pretty cool."

"Thanks." I managed half of a smile. "And thanks for-I dunno-talking."

"Best decision you ever made," he crowed. "I'm a God at this kinda shit. Now go and show that asshole who's really a loser."

Carrying a tray wasn't really my thing and I could just imagine toppling the drinks onto Brian and the table as I tried to make smooth steps towards them. Doom was hanging over my shoulder- a little demon gnawing at my ear. Except a little bit of Blake's barking was still echoing in my head. Maka chose me. Whatever I am, even right now, is better than whatever he's ever been. I swallowed, pulling in breath to force a voice I hadn't heard in a while: "I thought that was you, Brian."

The dark swirl of hair swiveled away, leaving shocked blue eyes to hit my signature smirk.

"Drinks on the house." I started to unload from the tray while making sure to spread that greeting around the table.

His mouth pinched into a tight frown for just a flash before mimicking enough of my smile. "I didn't know you worked here."

"A friend of yours?" One of the grey-haired suited men next to him made sure to look me up and down before asking.

Prick. That still couldn't kill my grin as I flashed it between him and Brian. "He actually knows my girlfriend pretty well." I borrowed one of my brother's chuckles. "Not that I'm worried. You know the baby's due next month, right?"

"Yes," he answered tightly as his smile faltered.

"Really excited, you know? My sister-in-law just threw a shower for her." I raised my eyebrows quizzically. "Surprised you didn't come."

"If I had known I would have sent a gift," he hissed through tight teeth.

"Nah, not necessary." I waved him off like a fly. "Maka's got everything she needs now."

"Maka? Did he say-" I heard the older man murmur as I turned tail. There wasn't a more perfect note I could end on.

That's right. Maka has me.

"Maka," I murmured her name as tenderly as I could while I slid into bed. She purred out some cute little sleep-ridden hello as I tangled up next to her. I didn't miss that pillow for a fucking second. "Maka, wake up."

She groaned slightly as her hand fixed the hair away from her face. "What time is it?"

"Late-" I whispered before planting a kiss on her neck "-so I'm sorry, but something happened today."

Any of that slow sleepiness was zapped away as she tried to roll over. "Are you OK?"

I tipped her my way, hoping that what little of my smile she could see in the dark would drive away some of the panic. "I think? I dunno. Guess it sorta depends."

"What do you mean?" Her hands were already searching sweetly over my cheeks, cupping them like she had tears to clear.

No matter that ounce of victory I was still carrying, I could feel my grin falter. "Ran into Brian today."

"Where?" It sounded like a plea and her fingers were only seconding it with their soft caresses against my jaw.

"He was at the hotel having dinner with a client, I guess." I ran a hand up her side, trying not to let the idea of her t-shirt bunching under my fingers stick.

"Did you…?"

"Talk to him? Yeah." I sighed. "That piss you off?"

"Depends on what you said," she murmured. It wasn't sleep or love softening her eyes right now, just that hard appraisal that made my heart clang against my ribs.

"I was… a little bit of an asshole." I laughed ruefully. "Sorta said he knew my girlfriend pretty well when his work associate asked how we knew each other."

Her lips pursed for a moment before her voice came flatly. "Older, maybe sixty-ish with a mole right here?" Her thumb pressed right below my lip on the right side of my face.

"Yeah."

A puff of air broke her lips before she poked the spot again. "That was his boss, Soul."

"Yeah, well," I muttered before turning towards her finger. I brushed a kiss across the tip. "Sorta… reminded him Jack's almost here and…"

"And?" she butted in with all the patience of a kindergartener at Christmas.

"And that there isn't anything you need."

She closed her eyes with a sigh.

"Sorry." I couldn't stop that from being half-hearted since I wasn't. A part of me still knew Brian was practically getting away with murder and that made me want to-

"You're not," she murmured as she pulled the truth right out from between my ears.

"Guess I'm just sorry if it hurt you, that's all." My fingers trembled as they reached for her, uselessly pressing a curl of hair behind her ear. "You angry?"

"Yes and no…" With another slow breath, her lashes parted to show me a calm I wasn't expecting. "I do have everything I need." Her fingers were on a drifting search to my chest, worrying into the front of my t-shirt. "Right here."

A bit of pride was swelling up under her palms so I pushed forward, stealing a brush of my lips to hers.

She sighed a little more sweetly this time. "But I don't want you saying another word to Brian about Jack." Fingers tensed, biting slightly at my skin. "I know the chances of you running into each other again is hopefully slim but… if Brian decides he really wants to fight this, Soul, it will be a fight."

Let him- wanted to growl right off my tongue but I bit it.

"I-I honestly want him to keep believing…" An achingly slow breath trembled from her mouth instead of the continuation. I touched another tendril of her hair, tucking it sweetly behind her ear to give her the strength. "Well, you heard him-he thinks that Jack is yours. That I'm no better than my father because what guy is going to take care of a girl who's pregnant with someone else's child?" That question was as bitter as burnt ends.

It was my turn to sigh so that my jaw would relax from the clench of the question. "So somewhere along the way, you cheated with me? How the fuck does anyone believe bullshit like that?" The second half was a harsh mutter but it still brought a wobbly smile to her face.

"It's fine, Soul." She dipped closer, a shaky breath warming me before her kiss. Burying closer to me, Maka kept latching, refusing to give space or air as she tangled her tongue with mine.

I wanted to get lost in it but I cupped my hand under her chin instead, pulling her away. "Hey-"

"Maybe I want to believe the same thing." Her whisper was smaller than the chance that could be reality. "Why didn't I meet you years ago? Why didn't I-"

"Don't do that," I cut into her whimper as my fingers moved to caress her jaw. "I used to be a bit of an asshole, so I doubt knowing me back then would have done any good." I could afford a little amusement in my laugh, so I let it ring. "We can't change what it is, Maka, and I don't want to. Don't get me wrong-I've wondered what it would have been like if it'd been you from the start, but…" There was no stopping the sigh for lost chances. I wasn't lying-I'd imagined her in Clara's place plenty of times. "Let him think Jack's mine because there's no chance in hell he's not gonna be."

Her kiss came like a tidal wave again regardless of any grip I had on her. It only slowed for a sweet little hiccup from her, making my fingers move to clear the tears from her cheeks that I knew must be there. "What if he looks like him?"

"Then he does-" I murmured as I nuzzled my nose to hers "-but that doesn't make a difference to me."

"What if-"

I cut that off with a kiss-not that desperate assault she had for me earlier but just a slow, sweet latch to keep her from giving any more of those thoughts life. "No more, Maka." I countered the harshness of that with another soft brush of my lips. "You gotta get some rest, anyway. Told you it was late." Her cheeks were still glossy when I pulled away, so I took some time to rub off the shine. "Turn over. I wanna hold you for a while."

Without argument-maybe just a sniffle or two-she turned over in the bed and fit her back against my chest. "Don't talk to him again," she murmured.

"Alright," I sighed back as I brought my lips closer towards her ear. I wanted to toss Brian aside and fall into this last bit of sweetness before bed. "Hey, Thursday night, let's go out."

"Really?"

"Yeah." My mouth brushed against her neck and all I could do was sigh. Actually, I want it now, I think. I-I think I'm going off the deep end, Maka Albarn, and it's all your fault. I can't stop thinking about you, your body, and-maybe most important of all-how much you want me to love you. I never imagined someone would want that as desperately from me as you do.

"Wednesday is your last day at the hotel. It's a good idea to celebrate."

"Yeah." Or I want to celebrate all the chances I've taken, not just this job but you and the idea that I'm actually heading towards a life I want for once.

"I'll get home early on Thursday, then."

"Sounds good." I didn't want an ounce of space between us, pulling her close as I kept my face buried in her neck. I was sure my breathing there was tickling her-her shoulders were trembling just a little with each exhale-but I couldn't let go. It all felt like mine again but more than that too. There was definitely want, desire in that bodice-ripper-novel sense, but even beyond that was a feeling I hadn't really cultivated before. Sure, Clara and I had said it in that fleeting hollow sense-the mandatory "I love you" that you think comes with being in a long-term relationship. You're always convinced that when you're together long enough, it has to be love, right?

Instead, I knew time was a useless measure. Whether Maka and I had been together since our teens or we'd met a few weeks ago did matter in the slightest. What mattered was the way she unlocked what I really was-not with expectations of her own, but just through being a hand when I needed it. In that bed, holding onto her tightly, I was realizing that it wasn't that I had made these steps for her, but I'd made them with her. And that's the difference, isn't it? That's what love really is.

There's no way I could avoid watching the clock. I technically had jobs to do-I'd promise every last bit of baby furniture would be in one piece by the time she got home-but none of the steps seemed to fill up enough time. I should have been nailing my thumb or putting the wrong corner A to corner B, but everything was falling into place just to mock me and my lack of patience. I'd technically finished by lunchtime, leaving me sitting in a jungle of white equipment for every baby need. Still, no Maka in sight.

Except that was the only sight in my mind's eye-flashes of her being her in all of those ways I couldn't help but fall for. Even this morning she'd been a wild amount of giddy, just flitting around the apartment like she wasn't carrying around Jack's extra weight. I got at least five kisses before she was even heading towards the door and, Death, I coulda just stolen her away right there. It took everything I had to keep cool long enough for her to leave because the truth was singing in my bones. Today's the day.

I'd never been good at romantic gestures-the flower debacle should have made that obvious-so I'd settled on honesty. The plan was simple:

Wait for Maka to come home.

Look at least halfway decent since I knew no matter what she was gonna be perfect.

Take her to some mostly-swanky place that Viv had suggested.

Get her home, and just before our regular last kiss of the night, tell her what she hopefully still really wanted to hear.

Maka Albarn, I love you.

Easy. Simple. And the wait for it was about as comfortable as having my toenails removed.

So, I tried to throw myself at the problem instead of letting the thoughts of her eat me whole. Arranging and rearranging the furniture, no matter the position, left the apartment feeling cramped. You could barely walk without punting some kind of baby gear and I settled into the mental game of Tetris as I tapped along to the music in my headphones. Maybe I was channeling a little bit of Kid while I got lost in angles and symmetry, tweaking corners just so until it seemed like maybe there was some wiggle room. Still, at the end of every fidget, the message was starting to become clear: we need more space.

Luckily, before the thought could really latch, a tender tug brought my headphones popping out of my ears.

"Earth to Soul."

I jumped out of my skin before wheeling towards just the fix to all of my current problems. "Maka…" I forgot about the headphones, the room, the whatever and wrapped my arms around her.

"You were on another planet completely," she teased with a giggle before nuzzling into my chest. "But it looks like you got everything put together, so thank-"

Honestly, I can't tell what exactly came over me-maybe it was the sweetness in her voice or the way that soft scent of her skin hit me in the hug-but I wasn't letting that sentence finish. I latched onto her lips instead, not just a welcome home type of kiss but one that spoke for the entire week: I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. So even if it's just a little bit, let me have it now because, Death, I've waited. I feel like I've waited my whole damn life just to feel this way.

The cutest little pant from her broke the kiss, her voice nothing but a warbly whisper: "Don't take this the wrong way, but is everything OK?"

"More than OK," I murmured back but hesitated to dive back in. I gave Maka a little space, seeing those jade eyes blinking up at me with just enough concern to at least let my senses surface for a minute. My fingers sunk into her hair, tipping her close enough so I could rest my forehead on hers. "Spent all day- all week thinking about you."

"Oh-" that barely fluttered off her lips before she cleared her throat "-I mean, I-I know it's almost time, but you shouldn't worry…"

"Maka." I couldn't keep the scolding out of my voice. "Thinking about you. About this." I dove back into that kiss, starving for more of that shocked sweetness off her tongue. Holding her came easy, my arms circling her to sweep her almost off her feet. I slipped away from her lips, running mine along her jaw down to her neck.

"Soul…"

Oh, Death, how the hell can she say my name like that? I couldn't keep myself from pawing at her collar, pulling it far enough that I could sink more kisses along her collarbone.

Her hands clutched into the sides of my shirt. "Soul, I can't stand anymore."

"Sorry," I murmured against her skin before turning my head enough to breathe the next words over her neck. "You want me to stop?"

A little giggle bubbled up from her throat. "I mean I can't stand up anymore. If you're going to keep this up you're going to have to carry me to bed."

"I can do that." I tried not to sound desperate, but-hell-there was no hope. I was already a total lost cause since I actually tried to bend and start to sweep her off her feet until she gave me a playful thump on my back.

"Soul! You're insane!" She twittered off into an absolutely pricelessly adorable laugh. She stepped towards the bedroom, grabbing for my wrist along the way to keep me just a step behind her.

"I coulda-"

"Broke your neck and mine," she teased while continuing to pull me to the bed.

I caught her just before she sank to the sheets, getting her elbow so I could slow her enough to slip a hand under her dress. Those flowy maternity gowns were sorta a blessing- easy to toss over her head. It was the other stuff-those bicycle shorts with the big belly and her bra-that were the only thing keeping me from skin so I was instantly reaching behind her to fiddle with the clasp.

"What about you?" she murmured into my chest as she snuggled closer.

"Everything goes." Death, did I ever try to sound sure of myself! I sure as hell still had that nervous feeling-the epitome of performance anxiety-but that scale was starting to tip. I just wanted to be close- to feel every last bit of skin and maybe- just fucking maybe follow her orders and take that step closer towards what I really wanted.

I must have managed enough bravado since her eyes snapped up to mine with a pleased grin. "It might be a big step, but do you think I can try something too?"

"Depends…" I tried to smirk right back but I knew the edges were wobbly. The clink of my belt buckle punctuated that as she made quick work of my pants.

"It's not- well-" she toyed between the edge of my t-shirt and my boxers and maybe I was just about losing my mind so whatever came next could have been a curse for all I cared "-it's just some lube since I always feel like through the pants is one thing but skin on skin is…"

There weren't enough brain cells left to ponder that as her bra unhooked and she started to shimmy out of it. Even less had the power to fire as she relieved me of my shirt, leaving me there in my boxers to slip out of her maternity shorts. "Makes sense," I squeaked as I tried to press a hand through my hair and force a deep breath. It does make sense, but even the idea of her doing it-is it fucking terrifying or exhilarating?

Her hands rested on the elastic of my last lick of clothing. "Only if you want to. Only if you're comfortable." That didn't come with any urging one way or the other, fabric just stationary under her fingers.

It's not like Maka had said it to me, right? No "I love you" had passed her lips either, but… you can't look a woman in the eye like that and know she's handling your heart with the greatest of fucking care without imagining that somehow she does. At that moment, with her earnestly looking up at me and showing me want just as much as she was showing care, I couldn't help but feel loved. I had it rattling all the way down to every last one of my nerve endings.

"Yeah-" I managed another breath and a nod "-I want to."

Another glow of a smile broke across her cheeks as she didn't have to put all that much effort into tugging off my boxers. I was eager to help, dying to get her into bed and first feel all the warmth she had to offer. Maybe it's fucking lame-and I know there's plenty of people out there rolling their eyes at this-but the time that she let me spend just tangled up with her, kissing softly and letting my skin just rest against hers was really my favorite part. I won't deny that I loved the way she'd call my name, or those breathy little gasps when she was coming undone, but it was being close to her that really brought that deep comfort that I didn't know existed before.

Contented little hums were buzzing from her lips to mine. Her fingers lingered into my hair, delicately playing with my earlobe before pulling enough away to whisper, "Stomach's still a little in the way."

I grinned. "Don't notice it."

"Liar," she cooed until her breath caught as my hand dipped under the swell.

"Do you-" I wasn't proud of the way my throat constricted but I swallowed through it "-maybe you want me to try something different too?"

"Depends…" She mirrored me but I could see it wasn't exactly the same kinda worry. Maka was focused on me, her hand gently smoothing through my hair.

"I can do the usual or…" My finger made a trembling path down her thigh. "I only ever did it once or twice but I could use my mouth." Yes, poetic, Soul. Genius. Why don't you just say "I'll eat you out." Totally just as romantic.

Even with all the tangle we were in, her cheeks pinked. "I never really- and is it OK if I didn't shower? I mean, I did this morning, but-" Her eyes darted from me to my daring fingers before fluttering back.

"S'alright." I got up on my elbow so I could plant a kiss against her forehead. "Like you said: only if you want to. Only if it's comfortable."

Propped up, I got a good view of all the gears working in her brain. Her eyes were narrowing with thought, definitely listening to some mental chorus. I took the time to give her another soft brush of my lips to her hairline. "Do you actually want to?"

That seemed like an odd question and as I met her eyes again, the worry there only made my stomach turn. "Course I do. Wouldn't offer if I didn't."

"But-" She bit into her lip, making me reach for it and pull gently at it with my finger.

"Say it."

She grabbed my finger, squeezing with a sigh. "My body isn't exactly what it used to be."

I dipped down, catching the terrible idea and drawing it out from between those teeth she'd just abused her lip with. "Your body…" I nipped at her again before another breath "... is exactly what I want. Told you, all week, Maka. And-who am I fucking kidding-the past few months it's been you on my mind." I lifted up off my elbow, sitting straight in the bed to stare down at the flush of her cheeks. "Let me show you and then… then I'm gonna let you show me the same."

"I will." She reached up and touched my cheek but I wasn't about to be drawn back in. Hesitation wasn't something I wanted to give in to, so I crawled lower on the bed so my hands could grab temptingly into the meat of her thighs.

"Lay whatever way's comfortable." She rolled towards her side without a word, one knee up while the other rested on the bed. I took advantage of the spot, bringing my head to rest on her thigh like a pillow. I didn't miss the catch of her breath, but at the same time, I was already lost to the want of it all. I caressed down her thigh, just stopping at the curve before bringing myself in to taste her.

My first lap brought her toes digging into the mattress beside me, a fluttering whimper leaving her mouth to feed me just as much as the motion itself. That warped definition of sex that had been so solid in my mind was slowly curving back into place with each bit of exploration. Since that's what it was-I wasn't worried about perfection or some set of requirements that I hadn't learned. Maka was telling me with each cry and fidget of her legs. She was calling for me- begging for me and I couldn't muster an ounce of doubt. I didn't want to. What I wanted- what I couldn't live without was that final call. It was my name forced up so tangled from her throat.

Maka was pulling in shaky breaths as I rested my head back against her leg. My lips lingered over her inner thigh, each caress along with my hot exhales making her muscles tremble underneath me. "Come here," she finally murmured as her hands tried to reach around the swell for me.

While everything about touching her seemed to come so easily, the idea of climbing up that bed to find my own end still stole too much of my breath.

"The bedside table, top drawer." As I sat up she motioned towards the spot, still slightly sapped as she steadied the rhythm in her chest. I followed orders, finding a blue tube that clearly stated its intent-silky, smooth--without Maka having to. She took it off my hands and motioned me to her side. "Do you want to sit up or lay down?" She was fiddling with the safety cap just enough not to notice the way my mind started to spiral on the question at hand. "Soul?"

She'd caught me just sitting there, naked and definitely afraid. How the fuck was I supposed to put into words the way this scared me no matter how much I wanted it? And how do you explain to the girl you love that you are scared of something that's so-so fucking normal.

Maka only met my eyes for a moment before dropping them back to the tube, closing it, and laying it next to her side on the bed. She patted the mattress next to her. "Lay down." I could follow that, but I still couldn't give life to all the mess in my head. It didn't seem to matter to her though, since she sidled up next to me just as soon as I hit the sheets. With Jack she had to fidget, but she still managed to tangle up enough that I could steal the comfort from her skin again. "That scared me," she murmured as she finally settled nose to nose with me.

"What did?"

"It sounds strange to say it but that type of sex," she answered softly as her fingers reached to caress through my hair. "I have to admit the way we've been hasn't been entirely you." She tugged at my earlobe lovingly again. "I think, even if you wanted to, having sex sex would be… too much for me. So even that, I was scared, because I wanted it-definitely-but I was afraid something would change. With you, or with me, or who knows, but something."

That's the difference between you and me, Maka- I wanted to mutter -you do the brave thing and face those fears while I just-

"I didn't think- for a second I was sure I wasn't going to let you but you know what changed that?" She pecked my lips before pulling away enough to catch my eyes.

I shook my head in reply.

"Because you were sure, and if there's one thing you've proven to me is that I can trust you." Her fingers drifted down my cheek, hugging my jaw. "And I'm not trying to make you feel guilty if you don't feel the same way, but-"

"I trust you," I murmured.

"OK-" she broke for a smile "-then I'm going to tell you now that I'm sure, and you can borrow some of that if you want. If it helps you." She pulled her hand away as if there was some kinda magic dust between her fingers, offering it to me just like she was saying. "And that still comes with my promise that no matter what does or doesn't happen-"

"It's alright." I didn't necessarily want to hear that again, because I was trying to latch on to her surety and not let that "doesn't" get in the way. I reached around her, feeling along the sheet for the tube and bringing it back to that open hand. "I trust you and I want to-so fucking badly."

"Roll on your back." I did as ordered but it was a few minutes of a battle with pillows and my arm before we'd reached some kinda comfort. She was propped up next to me, enough where she could still dip down for a kiss but her hand could run agonizing lines along my hip bone. I watched as she squeezed out some of the clear, silky mess in her palm before working it slightly with her fingers. "Look at me," she murmured playfully.

Just as I brought my attention back to her she caught my lips, her tongue instantly searching for mine to give me a sweet surprise. Her fingers, soft and warm, were next. Between them and her mouth, I barely had breath, each stealing away every last bit of sense from me. Following along with the languishing pattern of her kiss was becoming impossible, leaving me breaking it bitterly for air. I tangled my fingers in her hair, trying to take in some control while the rest of me was spinning.

Maka wouldn't give it to me, stealing her kisses away to drift down my jaw to my neck. Her teeth pulled softly there, murmurs starting in between each nip to drift lovingly towards my ear. "Don't think you're the only one, Soul." She wandered up to my ear, sucking gently on the lobe. "You have your own special place in my mind- in my heart."

That whisper drove my hand to pull her back, only just getting my lips pressed to hers before the desperate moan rumbled up from my chest. That crashing wave roared up from my toes to my head, flushing away every last thought I could have had. I was lost at sea, floating, only anchored to her and the way her soft kisses gently brought feeling and breath back to me. "I-" Death, I wanted the fucking words to come but I was still recovering, my eyes just focusing on those beautiful jade brightly shining back at me.

"Just relax." She caressed my face with a giggle. "I'll get something to clean-"

"Wait-" trembled out of my throat as I steadied my hold for her. "That- Maka-" I hated the way it stuttered out but her smile only brightened.

"Left you speechless?" The flirtatious little giggle that broke after that brought the start of a smile to my own face. "I'll just take that as a compliment." She dipped closer, ghosting a kiss over my lips. "Now give me a minute and I'll get you a washcloth."

I couldn't give up though, and I pulled her back into another feathery kiss. "Maka-" I murmured hoarsely into the tight space between us "-that only happened because I love you."

Her slick fingers that had been tapping joyfully above the mess on my stomach suddenly clenched tightly against my skin. "What?"

"I love you," I repeated with all the life I could give those words. I wasn't going to try to feed her some corny bullshit that love had healed all wounds-since I was damn sure that therapy at some point was still a necessity-but it was love that had brought me this far. I hoped it was resounding in her head just as much as it did in my heart.

"You do?" came as a quivering question.

"Definitely."

Her sigh brought her kiss back to me, so forceful that I was sure she was trying to steal the words right out of my mouth. I wanted her to have every last bit of it that she wanted, but she stole it away almost as quickly as she gave it. "I love you too."

I could almost forget the fucking delirium of that final release for all the whirl that simple phrase gave me. I almost wanted to parrot her-that utter disbelief at the reality of that-but I managed a last little bit of cool: "Good."

She laughed softly, just further enveloping me in all the bliss she had to give me. "Good."

Sorry for the delay, buddies, and sorry to say delays will probably continue. Not only is resbang season starting (I'm actually participating this year), but I also have a surprise of my own. Turns out writing a pregnancy fic was more than wishful thinking. Lil chichirichick is incoming June 2022!