Ambrosia

by AyaxRoses

'Love. To truly love, that was one of the only things in this world that would never die. Even if you wished it to. Subaru and Kamui had grown to understand this painfully well.' An alternative ending to the final battle and a future for Subaru and Kamui to be happy together. SubKam SubaruxKamui BL-Yaoi-Shounen-Ai Past Fuuma/Kamui.

3. Rain Lily

Ambrosia Ch 3: Rain Lily

Rain Lilies Symbolism (via Garden Guides site) "The rain lily only blooms after a rain shower, reflecting spiritual awakening after a storm in life."

Some angst and fluff. SubKam cute moments-Grocery shopping~ cuddles/gentle touches etc... Kamui starts to open up a bit about a week or so after living together and of course, there is a ton of lovey skinship these two are naturally drawn to.

---

"White miso, soy sauce, tofu, vegetables for the stir fry…" Kamui listed, glancing over a torn out piece of notebook paper. He looked down to double-check, said items were in the cart before nodding in confirmation. His nimble fingers grasped at the pen resting behind his ear and started scribbling over the handwritten items.

"Good, good…" he mumbled to himself, turning towards the taller male at his side. He carefully circled the few items left.

"You're quite efficient at this," Subaru remarked, deep praise obvious in his soothing tone. Glimmering gold and emerald eyes took Kamui in fondly. Kamui returned the gentle look, a small smile curving up.

Subaru's gaze shifted, over the neatly placed items in the cart. Fruits, vegetables, protein, and condiments were all neatly arranged neatly in their own corner of the cart. All thanks to Kamui.

Kamui's lips quirked up further. "Well, I think it's good to be now since we were out of everything...I think."

"You think?" Subaru teased, gently.

The younger male shrugged. "I'm not exactly an expert here." At least, until the next semester began. His academic advisor had him enrolled in more domestic classes from the get-go. Something told him there was an outside influence.

He got his answer, as to who was involved but not quite why. Kamui could all too easily envision his meeting with the academy director now.

---

Nokoru kept smiling mischievously, looking over and confirming Kamui's digital schedule with him. Apparently, the director and advisor both found cooking and baking to be needed at the start. It seems the extracurriculars were to be considered just as important as the common core. For Kamui's sake.

The classes assigned weren't all that odd on its own, but Kamui couldn't shake the fact that there was just something else he had been missing.

"It's hard to get into a lot of our top culinary art classes, mid-semester especially. You'll learn from the best, being Ijyuin Akira's top students." Nokoru exclaimed, clapping his hands together cheerfully. There was quite a bit of mischief sparkling in those sky-blue eyes.

"They're entirely necessary skills you'll be learning. Being off-campus and living in your own household for the first time, especially so. You and Sumeragi Subaru are living together. So you owe it to yourselves to know the essentials."

"I guess that is true…" Kamui reasoned.

"I'm sure you'll quite take to the classes, and learn a lot of recipes to use at your new home." Nokoru reached for something in his desk, as his lips continued to curve more deviously. The blonde's grin soon hid behind his seemingly endless supply of white fans.

"...and I'm sure whatever Sumeragi doesn't know, he'll be happy to learn from you. It'll be a great experience for you both." He expressed cheerfully, amused to see the baffled and furrowed look on Kamui's face.

"Your schedule is set up so you'll be well prepared, in all subjects. And I think you'll find it nice to have a balance with them all."

Nokoru, worded the next part carefully, knowing how insecure the boy could be. "I know it can seem intimidating. But I'm sure you'll be able to do well. You'll start with preparatory classes for the first semester back, giving you time to catch up on to your needed level of mathematics.."

"That's right…I'm way too far behind" Kamui looked down dejectedly.

"Oh, no-no-no. I didn't mean for you to be down on yourself, about it. I'm sure if you work hard you'll catch up in no time." The young Imonoyama held an air of assurance and compassion behind an incredibly tender smile. Kamui found himself understanding how the young director had such a wide fan base of female and quite a few male admirers.

"Our remedial classes are taught by those incredibly passionate about their subject. They focus on helping their students on an individual level." He assured the young student with a beaming smile brightened by the rays of sunlight gleaming through the windows. "They wouldn't be chosen for CLAMP academy otherwise. "

Kamui pressed his lips closed together, quite uncertain. Being so far behind, when he was just about to return to school felt entirely draining. Could he really manage like this and go on to a regular school life? He struggled just mentally, staying in the present, the new reality he was in...

"We have our own personal tutors here. And in case you have a preference, just know you are free to come and bring your…" he paused. Beautiful sky blue eyes twinkled mischievously. "'Roommate' on campus and our libraries help you study...efficiently. "

Kamui felt a cold shiver flood over him. He didn't quite understand what was going on in the beaming director's mind-but it felt like something that had already been decided for him.

The bemused director was quite aware of the former seals' rendezvous on campus. He hadn't thought much of it then.

Sure, there was something there between the two of them. But there were far too many obstacles in their lives, to take on first.

The circumstances were a lot less amusing for the reclusive pair. Both hearts were deeply wounded. A simple glance at saddened, dejected eyes, was all it took to deduce they were both shackled by an unforgiving love. Suffering for someone else…

Love without smiles. He didn't know what to make of that. The blond was in love with love, yet that kind left him feeling off. There was far more pain for the lovelorn than happiness. It didn't sit well.

Now, though….

Seeing the two sparked an interest in the director. That pain still lingered within the two, yet something warmer and compassionate was easily between them.

A sense of hope kept blossoming, between the world's savior and the wildcard of the heavenly seals.

The blond had been irked at the latter of the two. The former college student missed nearly all his classes. Yet, he was able to move past that. For the sake of a happy ending for those two. It helped, knowing both men played their role in saving humanity from the 'world's revolution'.

"Feel free to ask me if any problems come up. Of course, you can always ask our advisors as well. And I'm sure the Highschool Student Council will be happy to see you there." 'Maybe not quite as much as your Subaru, but…' Nokoru mused himself. That mysterious smile came back ten-fold. A smile somehow managing to simultaneously be both beautiful and terrifying.

"They're incredibly open to helping students in their division."

"Ah, right... Thank you…" Kamui remained oblivious to whatever he was about. He did feel unnerved by the all too innocent looking smile on the director's face.

It seemed a bit odd the way his semester had been planned. Yet, he did find it would be nice to have a change of pace, extracurriculars breaking up the long school day, to calm his nerves between harder classes.

"I'm really thankful, for all of this," Kamui professed with sincerity, bowing his head. He was sincerely thankful to be allowed back here again. Those classes involved essential skills to learn, and he got to be with Yuzuriha for both of them. He didn't quite understand what the cheerful director was amused by but opted not to look further into it.

---

"Kamui?" Subaru clasped a hand over said male's shoulder. His eyes shook, laced with worry.

"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking well..It's been a while since... I've been out grocery shopping," Kamui's mind returned from its wander. Subaru's concerned tone shook him out of his dreamlike state. To before when things were a bit lighter, before that final battle…

"Or school, or anything normal…" Kamui's painfully bitter smile shot daggers through the worried male's heart.

"Well, I guess things were almost normal for a while...when we first enrolled at the academy." Kamui rambled, lost in his mind again. He gripped at the handle of the cart absently. His clenched hand tensed around the bar. "Going to classes, the dorms, even learning about cooking from-" From Sorata.

"Kamui?" Subaru's eyebrows lowered worriedly. His long fingers reached for and brushed over the younger boy's hand. The tensed hand eased itself at the feather-like touch.

Subaru couldn't help the fluttering movement in his chest… Kamui's hand uncurled and absently played with the longer hand as though it were his own. Subaru was not quite used to how receptive, and welcoming Kamui had been to his touch. Truly, He wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to it...

Reality had a way of crashing back in. Those innocent doe-eyes looked up to Subaru, quite wounded from whatever persisted in his mind.

"I'm fine" He lied. Quite terribly, turning solemnly away, not meeting the other's eyes. Subaru frowned at the action but didn't press further, giving the troubled boy whatever space he needed.

Relief fled through the younger male with a soft breath. He took a few moments to ease himself back to the present. Feeling no pressure to explain, just a simple touch to his hand like that… It drew those emotional violet-blue eyes back to Subaru, as though they were pulled by gravity itself.

"Ah...we should probably stock up on more noodles and rice next," Kamui broke from his silence, looking down the aisle. He calmed with the menial task of looking over the list, tapping his pen under his chin. Violet orbs glanced up at the hanging sign with a large number highlighted on it.

"And well it's the next aisle over, so that ah...makes sense." Kamui awkwardly trailed off, inwardly cringing at his own actions.

"Right," Subaru agreed easily, glancing over the scribbled out list in the boy's hands. Multi-toned eyes honed in on the small movement of Kamui's fingers pinching the paper absently. Seeing the way those fingers brushed together softly. The gentle and simple movement of Kamui's hand gliding over the page left him transfixed.

"Subaru?" Kamui's words shook him out of it.

"Ah, sorry," The taller male rubbed at the back of his neck. "I just ah…" his throat went dry. Heart working faster than his mind, he drawled. "You have really beautiful...ha-handwriting!" He caught himself.

Heaven knows what he'd start telling Kamui if he kept slipping up, feeling all too at home, and far too unguarded, with his heart's keeper.

What was that? Subaru fought the urge to slap his palm over his face. Well, it wasn't a lie. Subaru hadn't found anything about Kamui that he didn't see as beautiful. And he may have just added a word to the end of his original insight. It wasn't all bad. Kamui's rounder and glowing violet-blue eyes blinked, full fluttering eyelashes framing them perfectly.

"I do?" Raven hued eyebrows scrunched up for a moment. He studied his own writing carefully. His eyes and nose both scrunching up as he checked carefully. He looked back up for confirmation.

Subaru nodded fervently. His lips pressing closely, and zipped tight. He couldn't trust his words not to embarrass him further, to not just blurt out everything.

"Ah, well thank you... Subaru," Kamui replied, brushing his finger across his face, a soft glint of light reflecting over violet irises. Gold and emerald eyes honed in on the soft movement, the dust of pink followed from where Kamui's finger brushed. As though he painted the alluring blush, himself.

It didn't help that Kamui was standing right under the lights in the aisle. The boy's features were glowing. Subaru recalled reading childish stories about angels with Hokuto. He knew as a kid but was even more certain now, those picture books hadn't a clue.

Subaru turned the cart around the corner, guiding it down the aisle and towards the aforementioned items. Kamui stood close, brushing up against him.

The smaller male's eyes scanned over the paper in his hand. He scratched off a few items from earlier with a blue pen. Kamui knelt down.

Several, different brand logos and prices were listed below the bags and boxes of noodles. "Hmm," his finger traced over the items. He wished for Yuzuriha's insight to help with knowing the differences.

"You know you don't have to worry about the prices," Subaru assumed his worries. Memories recalled their previous conversations.

"That's not it," Kamui shook his head. He tapped a pen under his chin. While he did wish to protest, he could reason he was picking out food for himself and his housemate. He wanted to pick what looked best. Maybe he wanted to impress. Or at least thank the man for everything he had done.

Eventually, he settled for a bag of soba, udon, and somen noodles, with a fancy cursive logo. Kamui leaned back up to his feet. Shy and slightly awkward smiles reflected each other. Their eyes met softly, both turning away rather awkward and shyly.

"Um, Subaru?" There was one thing missing from Kamui's plan to impress. "What is your favorite food?" He asked quietly. His head ducked down and he frowned at himself, not knowing simple likes and dislikes of the older man.

Granted, they did know each other's hearts and deepest burdens. Maybe, it was a little backward. Kamui couldn't imagine them any other way.

"Mmm," Subaru pressed his thumb up against his chin, brushing it absently. Dual-toned eyes lowered. Lips pressed together before moving side to side

"I…"

Well, crap. What was it? The older man hadn't pondered the idea nor cared for what little nutrition he had for nearly a decade. Even back then he only ate, thanks to his doting and concerned sister. Hokuto and Seishirou had come over to his apartment countless times, the former was more insistent on doing so. He could see Hokotu's eyes rolling back as she would sigh dramatically, berating Subaru for working too hard or eating too little. She made countless meals from traditional Japanese to Western. All were wonderful. Yet, he never remembered one particular favorite.

"I...uh, I'm not sure," he admitted, a bit overwhelmed by the emotions trickling from his memories.

Kamui blinked before his eyes glistened and softened. Those bubblegum-pink lips curved up. He suppressed a laugh, turning his head away. Violet-blue eyes sparkled, taking a lot of interest in the boxes in front of him.

Subaru hadn't responded. His brain stuttered a bit. Earlier thoughts and worries melting away at the sight. Unfairly, cute…

Kamui's lips were quivering, quite amused. His eyes lit up. Kamui held back soft laughter, covering his lips with his palm. Subaru could tell, Kamui was doing so to stay polite, but he couldn't care less. If it meant he got to see more of those sweet, gorgeous expressions, Kamui could laugh all he wanted.

"I'm sorry," Kamui expressed. He ducked his head down a bit sheepish. Kamui began amending leaning up and meeting the taller male's eyes. Clearly, unaware of how deeply even the softest laughs and breaths of laughter left his admirer helpless. Subaru opened his mouth to reply before Kamui cut him off.

"I'm not laughing at you," he assured, with all seriousness. "It's just...I don't even know mine..." The boy admitted, he fondly shook his head. "There's been so much going on, it's like I've forgotten what it's like to consider normal things…"

"Oh…" Subaru fumbled out the words. "Yeah, you do have a point… I can certainly say the same for myself. " he agreed, a bit awkwardly, rubbing at the back of his neck. His mind wandered, still transfixed on the image of glittering eyes, glowing features, and the endearing sound of Kamui's laughter.

Kamui nodded his agreement. "But I guess that means we'll just have to try a lot of different recipes until we find our favorites, right?"

"Right…" Subaru replied in a daze. Hearing Kamui's casual use of "we" and "our" was enough to make his heart flutter. He was far too lost in the gentle half-smile, hidden away as Kamui selected several noodles and rice boxes.

Subaru knew he was hopeless. Now it just seemed he was certifiably so.

---

"You're sure you'll be alright?" Subaru repeated for the tenth time this morning. Kamui might have lost count.

"I'll be just fine," Kamui feigned annoyance. Sadly, his voice couldn't betray his feelings, the bemused grin on his lips too obvious.

"If you're sure, I can still-"

"Subaru! I will be fine!"

Kamui rolled his eyes fondly and placed his hands on his hips. His lips pressed together moving side to side. Gold and emerald orbs followed the movement with far too much interest than originally planned.

"But I will not be fine if you end up being late for work."

"But-"

"You've been turning down work for the past week haven't you?"

"How did you-"

"I just know you…" Kamui professes, averting Subaru's gaze before striking up the courage to move closer and look directly up at the taller male. "You're always so kind… I know you worry about me but I'm okay."

Subaru's eyes tensed, he grasped the younger male by the shoulders, Kamui subconsciously leaning closer.

"No, you're not."

Kamui huffed. Even while frustrated, he found his actions so easily soothed in the other's presence. He was already leaning into the hand cupping his face. All the tension left way too easily, as though the gifted Onmyouji were casting a spell on him.

"Okay, I know I'm not okay-ok. But I will be OK enough."

"After hearing that I'm not so sure," Subaru's tease slipped. He was soon rewarded with a very obvious pout. He was close enough to lean in and…

"You know what I mean…" Kamui huffed cutely. He tried desperately not to close his eyes. The hand carding through his raven locks was just melting him. Eyes fluttered closed, helpless todo otherwise, as he breathed softly. He couldn't even describe what those gentle touches did to him. Kamui knew it just wasn't fair.

Since their meeting, there was always that craving for them to stay close. To stay connected. No matter what was going on, Kamui couldn't deny how right their connection felt. How it soothed his mind bit by bit, healing him from the mental hell he fought daily.

So it was inevitable when Kamui practically purred into the soft touch. His half-lidded eyes gazed fondly at the protective man. Things had always been like this with them likely always would be.

Subaru visibly swallowed at the soft sound between a purr and a sigh escaping his beloved's lips. The protective male flushed, before giving in to his emotions. He pulled Kamui forward until they were pressed snuggly together.

The younger male was made to lay his head against the throbbing chest. Kamui saw something very raw in those mismatched eyes. Something very powerful, that made him shiver.

"You're quite insistent, Kamui," Subaru told him. Lips curved in a teasing grin that Kamui could feel from the words alone.

Kamui made something akin to a huff and a groan. How was it possible for one person to simultaneously talk like that and to hold another with so much affection?

Kamui felt himself gasp, feeling the chuckle escape and pulsate through the taller body. Kamui had to catch his breath. He shifted himself enough so he could look back up and meet the protective and worried eyes.

"I won't be alone today. You know that, right?"

"I know you'll be with Nekoi, right?"

"She'sgoing to be upset with you if you don't start calling her by her first name," Kamui warned.

Subaru smirked, "I'll take my chances. "

"But anyway," Kamui pressed a hand flat on the older male's chest. He pushed himself up with reluctance. Subaru winced at the parting, leaving the boy with instant regret. Even if he was doing this for Subaru's sake.

"I'll be home when you return. And despite what you say. I know you care about your clients… And having to turn them down only hurts you more…"

"Kamui…" Subaru relented slowly. Arms loosened around the younger boy. He cursed himself seeing Kamui actually frown at the action. As though he hadn't been the one to pull away first.

"You care for your clients," Kamui told him.

"I care for you far more," Subaru expressed, without hesitation. Kamui blinked those soft violet eyes several times. His mind clearing from the direct response, he settled. Bubblegum-pink lips curved.

"Now, who's insistent?"

"On that subject, I'll gladly be," Subaru professed quite bluntly. So stubborn. He grasped the younger male's hand still curled into the shirt, and brought it smoothly over his racing heart.

Kamui went breathless. Blue-violet orbs glistened before falling slowly, into very protective and emotional pools of gold and emerald.

Subaru's desired one was looking up at him, so beautifully vulnerable. Kamui hadn't responded nor protested to the actions. His lips were only parting, not forming a single coherent sound. Kamui was so open before him, slightly flushed, all of which left the older man weak.

Kamui was so raw before him, in ways Subaru had fantasized about countless times over the past week.

"But-ah...Subaru," He closed his eyes, taking soft silent breaths to calm a storm of mixed, vulnerable, and certainly confusing emotions.

"It's just…" Kamui trailed off, turning his face away for clarity, before returning towards the tender eyes that took him in so naturally.

"Can't you trust me?"

"Trust you?"

"That I'm being honest with you when I say I will be alright today," Kamui explained softly. Bright orbs of violet shimmered, looking to their counterpart pleading.

Subaru breath let out in a strained, elongated sigh. He groaned, terribly frustrated. He wasn't sure he could ever win with Kamui if he kept looking up at him like that.

"Suba-"

His words cut out at the familiar yet somehow addicting warmth overwhelming his senses. Kamui's head was made to rest back against the other's chest, thanks to insistent and protective arms. Kamui was helpless to do anything but snuggle close as he was pulled back into place. He listened for a steady heartbeat and sighed.

"I do trust you, Kamui," Subaru assured him, brushing through strands of glossy black hair. "And it does help you won't be alone. I am glad you have such good friends."

"I do…" Kamui agreed, deja vu setting in when he first heard those words from the protective male. All regarding Keiichi and his care for Kamui. And all the good friends he had in his life.

He thought of mentioning Subaru in the mix of good friends but it felt kind of odd? They were friends technically but friends seemed different like there was something forgetting to be added on? And he couldn't say he'd want to be this close to someone he deemed family, either. Granted, his experiences were lacking.

Subaru was always there to come to his rescue. He was a… A mentor of some sort. A hero, always managing to swoop in and save him at the last minute. Definitely, his incredibly kind protector. The tight embraces confirmed his thoughts tenfold.

"I guess, I will get ready to leave then…"

Kamui hated the words, but the blow softened by seeing the older male with childlike pouting lips.

"That's good then," Kamui couldn't hide the smirk.

The older male bit his lip suppressing the thought he could so easily lean down. And god...the things Subaru wanted to do to that victorious smirk. Far too many scenarios that would end in him never making it to work today.

Maybe a bit more time away would help his sanity and control. At this rate, it seemed.

"Yuzuriha and I are going to one of the book-stores on campus. Oh, and I think the Cafe." Kamui paused and turned with an inquisitive stare. "Do you want anything?"

Just you… Subaru had to bite his tongue.

"No, but I very much appreciate the thought, Kamui," he let out a deep breath and finally released the younger man in his arms. "Have fun." He expressed. The word felt awkward on his lips. It must have been a good decade since he used it last.

Kamui nodded, looking up a bit shyly, before quickly leaning up and wrapping the taller male up into a very soft embrace. Slender arms tightened around the taller male's neck. Kamui leaned up on his tiptoes. "Thank you," his warm breath tickled the sensitive hair on the back of Subaru's neck.

Just as quickly as it began, Kamui released the older male and turned back towards the stairs. "I should probably start getting ready too."

Subaru could only watch the younger male ascend the staircase, pleasantly dazed.

---

"Kamui! You made it! A cheerful, high-pitched voice called out to him.

A small curve formed on the boy's lips. He saw his energetic friend practically skipping her way over. Yuzuriha was adorned with a colorful yet tranquil outfit. She wore a flowery lilac blouse, which paired with her pastel pink skirt stopping right at her sky-blue knee-high socks.

Kamui looked down at himself. Still, as usual, wearing solid black. All things considered, it was fitting.

"Helloooo? Kamui?"

The short-haired female was all too close. Her hand waved over his face.

Kamui bolted back a few steps coming into reality.

He cleared his throat. "Sorry."

The dark-haired girl shook her head, revealing a cute lilac bow in the back of her hair.

"I'm just happy you could make it."

Kamui nodded.

"Well, come on then let's go!" Yuzuriha enthused, raising a hand into the air as she did so.

The girl grasped for Kamui's wrist. "Whoa! Wait, a minute-Yuzuriha!" He yelped. The younger student rolled her eyes at the protest and whisked Kamui along. Her precious Inuki in tow of course.

Orbs of violet glanced over the firm yet warm hand clasped over his wrist. Yet, a different type of warm than with the man he'd been with nearly all week.

Recollections of warm, possessive hands enveloping his own resurfaced easily. The touches still ghosting over his skin. Kamui frowned a bit. Even being older and a male, his hand was barely any bigger than Yuzuriha's hands.

Then again Subaru's hands were nearly slender as his own, just being longer. So it wasn't like he was that different, but...

"I'm really excited we get to go here again!" She beamed cheerfully and turned back to clasp her hand so they were tied palm to palm.

Kamui hummed with acknowledgment, looking over their joined hands. There was certainly warmth and kindness put in a friendly touch.

It's different… Kamui noted to himself. The energetic female held a lot of compassion. Hell, it pretty much radiated around her. Her hold was more at ease, free-spirited. Their hands, still loose enough to part at any time. Very open, kind, and sincere.

His mind wandered back to earlier this week, being pulled out of the director's office suddenly by an insistent hand. They had only gotten through their schedules. Subaru whisked him away before he could so much as utter a goodbye to Yuzuriha.

His hold over Kamui's wrist had been firmer, resolute, yet somehow still so amiable. The warmth when their fingers laced was all-encompassing. It felt impossible to part. The hold was kind and gentle but definitely much more protective. Very much refusing to release for the sake of the world itself. Kamui knew he returned that gesture.

He looked up to see the smiling girl. Looking cheerful and amused as though she could read his mind. Soft black hair glistened in the sun. He kept wondering how she kept so upbeat, despite everything they all have been through.

"And we're here!" She announced releasing her friend's hand and raising both hands up in the air. She spun around before gesturing, her arms wide to the lavish building

Kamui looked up at the impressive, burgundy building. The words Clamp Academy BookShop were embedded onto the front of the building in bold white lettering.

"Shop" was an understatement. The building must be at least three stories tall.

"Come on," Yuzuriha waved him over, already heading towards the tall glass doors.

Kamui quickened his pace, before meeting up with her at the doorway.

"This place is amazing!" Yuzuriha announced, gesturing vaguely in directions all throughout the store. Her hands continued to move and point to various aisles, sections, and signs decorated throughout.

Upon entering the bookshop, they were met with brilliant bright lights. The room was vast with incredibly high ceilings reminiscent of a cathedral. The open and circular structure was like a ballroom or the literary equivalent.

Soothing pastel colors were strewn all over the walls and upon the hanging signs indicating genre types. Floral patterns were embedded and painted on the panels above, separating each floor of the building.

The shelves of books looked seemingly endless. Somehow, not a book looked out of place. Aisle after aisle had been precisely labeled, often with a poster of the latest book from that genre.

There were countless students. Many of them were thumbing through books in various aisles. Yet, the open space made it seem anything but crowded. Students from all grade levels were chatting amicably yet pleasantly softly. Keeping in mind others looking serious at some of the tables near the back of the aisles. Others sat in the luxurious chairs at the end of the aisle.

Violet-blue eyes were drawn more towards the older students, most of them sitting and eyes buried deep within the books. Many of them looked to be in their 20s. So university and graduate students. Kamui's smile turned bittersweet. Nostalgic for the days they all spent here together.

I know your goal wasn't to study here… but did you ever enjoy your time here?

Kamui almost yelped, realizing there was already a staff member who greeted them, during his mind's wandering. They were met with a bright-eyed and cheery employee. Her energy matched well with Yuzuriha. Kamui silently thanked Yuzuriha for talking with her, diffusing attention to himself.

"Oh, no thanks we're just looking today," Yuzuriha mentioned and parted ways with the worker. She turned to move away before stopping abruptly in front of her friend.

"Unless, is there anything you're looking for here Kamui?" His friend turned back to him curiously. She bit her tongue and smiled sheepishly, bright eyes looking apologetic for her delayed question.

Kamui gingerly shook his head. The employee smiled, bowing her head and turning back to one of the front counters.

"I don't have any in either!" Yuzuriha belatedly tacked on, almost proudly. "But with this many books, I am sure we're bound to find something!"

Kamui's lips energy felt contagious. Kamui went ahead and explored the various aisles.

They went towards an escalator in the middle of the ground floor. Yuzuriha pointed towards the hand sign above stating 'Manga" and "Comics" were up ahead.

Yuzuriha bounced joyously up to her toes and back to her heels. She was humming something Kamui assumed to be a theme song. "Have you been keeping up with any series?" She gestured up at the sign.

Kamui shook his head again, tousling his hair in the progress. "I don't think I've read one in years."

Yuzuriha's mouth went agape. "Really?! Years? B-but-There's so many good series that have come out recently!"

"Really," Kamui answered honestly.

Yuzuriha hung her head in a brief bout of defeat. Yet, she bolted up and held her clenched hand into the air. A fire blazed in her eyes.

"Well, then we'll just have to get you started on a new series right away!"

Kamui scratched at his cheek and laughed a bit nervously. "O..kay." There seemed to be no stopping her. The second floor of the store was just as impressive as the last. The manga and comic sections were surrounded by new books on display.

There were countless series he didn't recall, yet had seen quite similar titles to in the past. There were mangas with vibrant colorful covers of fiery protagonists posed to fight with their more calm looking rival.

Of course, there was the flowery series with couples staring longingly into each other's eyes, holding hands. Off to the side, it's own table was a display of the usual comical and cartoon-styled books. Books he grew up with. Magical animals or mythic creatures took center stage on the cover.

Not only was there a ton of aisles filled with manga, but there were various tables with glass displays showing figurines and similar collectibles for sale. The aisles were even labeled by the hanging sign above, displaying every genre title he could think of.

Right before several of the shelves were small statues of various mascot characters. One of them had an odd-looking blue-and-white cat, holding a futuristic-looking tool. Kamui's lips curled a bit at the memory. So that was still popular then?

Along with it were several more cutesy and mythical looking characters. A chibi-style dragon. A bright yellow mouse with white wings and around, wide-eyed winged fish were standing across from each other.

The shop seemed to draw even more interest to a, particularly large statue in the middle of the floor. There was a vibrant display of black and white creatures with long rabbit ears and a gem on their forehead. Mokona was written on the plaque.

"Aren't they cute?' Yuzuriha pointed towards them.

"Ah, yeah," Kamui returned a bit awkwardly. He felt gazes from both male and female students on him. This place alone was a bit intimidating trying to take everything in.

Luckily he had an exuberant friend who dragged him along down the "shounen and action" genre aisles.

"This Manga just came out next year, it's really good," She told him, handing over the first book decorated with some spiky-haired character and a sword. "You should look into it."

"Ooh," She hadn't even taken two steps before she took out another story. "I think you'll really like this one! The character even looks like you." she giggled placing the book in Kamui's arm.

Said male frowned looking at the broody teenage protagonist along with the cover, eyes staring off into the distance.

The lack of resistance to Yuzuriha's book suggestions led her recommendations piling up higher and higher. Kamui's arms feeling the weight of the once light pile of paperbacks.

"This one is really cool! I'm not sure even that into battle scenes, but the character growth in the second arc is amazing!"

She piled another book into the teen's arms. A bit overwhelmed. Seriously, how did she find the time to keep up with all these?

"And this one is a little slow-paced, hmmm…" She slid one book back into the shelf. "Oh, this one focuses more on magic!" She turned on her heel and placed the book to the top.

"And you can't read it without the accompanying light novel!"

Another book piled.

"This one is so cool, the sword warrior looks just like Arashi don't you think?"

"Yeah," Kamui agreed and reluctantly accepted the inevitable book being piled up to the growing tower of his hands.

He winced as they turned the corner to the shoujo aisles.

"I mean it says Shoujo but," She shrugged and laughed. "Who cares? I'm still recommending them."

A top came three more books. Kamui eventually opted to place his pile on the ground beside him. They entered another aisle that was certainly flowery and aesthetically pleasing. The shelves were lined with a soft rose pink color. As were the 'A-Z' labels, organizing each of the series.

Perplexed blue-violet eyes widened quite a bit seeing the covers He flushed a bit. Some of them with two males wrapped up in an embrace. And others with various art styles of female couples.

"And probably best of all!" She turned around. "The Yuri and Boys Love section."

Kamui opened his mouth to comment but stopped halfway. He figured out the gist of it with the romantic and sometimes suggestive cover pictures. Although, he had to admit the art style was attractive.

"And look!" Yuzuriha invaded the boy's personal space. She held a book right up against Kamui's face. He scrunched up his face and took a few steps back.

"Doesn't he look just like Subaru?!" Yuzuriha pointed out a bit of mischief swirling in those eyes.

"Ah, I guess so?" He paused looking over the cover. A seemingly tall, raven-black haired male, adorned soft pastel pink dress shirt and black trousers. He stood with his back to the outside of a door. His eyes were heavily detailed a deep forest green. Kamui noted Subaru's eyes were quite a bit more… Entrancing?

He lingered over the picture, seeing a more petite blue-haired boy, his clothing all black. His back kissed the door behind him as he appeared to be inside a gloomy room. Their palms were placed flush in the same spot. The door between being the only barrier. There was something tragic.

He looked to see a too close Yuzuriha leaning up towards Kamui with a Cheshire grin.

"Oooh, we'll have to add it to the pile," she said quite pleased. "Although it's a bit tragic. There's still something beautiful there."

"I think…" Kamui knelt down, sliding the book back in its place."I'll skip out on that one."

"Oh, God! I'm sorry!" Yuzuriha slapped a hand to her forehead.

"For what?" Kamui blinked several times.

"After everything, these are the last types of Manga I should be suggesting," She groaned. Her lips frowned, at the guilt, again somehow managing to look as though she herself, had not been involved in the fateful battles.

Kamui whipped his head side to side. "It's fine, really." He took out the tragic BL book once more. The eyes on the "Subaru" of the book were darkened, a bit dim. A watery gleam of light glossed over the shrouded eyes. It matched painfully well with the dejected curve on his lips.

Kamui winced, sliding the book back into place. He'd seen that look far too often. A soft reminder of the past week brought him back. The expression in those dual-colored orbs became more real. The light that burned out some time ago seemed to be returning. Every day it seemed brighter. They were more… Endearing.

The image of softly curved lips, holding a private smile etched into his mind. He decided Subaru looked best with a smile.

Yuzuriha held a knowing smile on her lips. Kamui couldn't quite decode it. He stood up and scanned over the books.

Yuzuriha returned to picking up more lighthearted BL and Yuri stories.

Kamui felt himself doing better. Mind staying on the positive. Until he looked to his right.

The character held a striking resemblance to Fuuma. His Fuuma. Down to the warm curve gracing his lips. The very beaming smile Kamui had fallen in love with. That smile he still loved. A bittersweet smirk overtook his features.

"Kamui?" Her eyes were shaking. Worry lines formed on her forehead. "What's wrong?" She stepped forward face to face with her friend. "You're crying…"

Kamui's finger brushed against his cheek for proof. "I-it's nothing...just I guess till overwhelmed from everything..."

Yuzuriha's lips formed into a pout. Her eyes were glossy, pained. Kamui felt guilt strike his chest. Even if he couldn't help his own pain.

Yuzuriha looked down for a moment. A bit dejected. She quickly whipped her head up and bounced on her heels. Her clenched hand met with the palm of her other like a gavel. "I know what will cheer you up!" Yuzuriha beamed, assurance lightening the atmosphere between the friends.

Kamui returned with a soft half-smile. All his loved ones indeed looked their best with a smile.

"Come on!" She grasped his wrist leading him seemingly nowhere.

"Where are we going?"

"To the cafe of course," She turned around, smiling as though it were the most obvious answer in the world. "Remember Director Imonoyama's recommendation? He said they have the best cupcakes in all of Clamp academy!"

---

Subaru had long left for his first job, taking a seat in the thankfully uncrowded train. He breathed a sigh as he sat in a far off and isolated corner.

Slender fingers fanned themselves over gold and emerald eyes. Subaru sunk further into his seat. He could just hear his grandmother's berating tone for his current slouching.

Everything easily drowned out when the thought of his housemate's insistence on having Subaru go. To get back to some semblance of his normally abnormal life. The fragile boy, looking up at him with those wounded yet stubborn eyes. Pink lips protesting, he would be alright.

Kamui…

There was a heat burning under the fingers. Images resurfaced from earlier. He found himself drawn to those soft private smiles, elegant violet eyes, and hands that held his own with affection.

Kamui was waiting for him. At their home.

Subaru had awoken from his catatonic state barley over a week ago. It was only then he finally realized how deep his feelings ran for, his own personal savior.

How could he already have it this bad?

Thankfully, it was a relatively simple job, to begin with. He hoped at least. A widow's complaint of her recently 'haunted' house. It likely was in need of just practical spells he had used hundreds if not thousands of times. If not, he would do whatever else it would take to let the wounded spirit pass on.

He'd taken on that job, along with several others. Hopefully, he would be back before dark. The reward of coming home to his beautiful housemate left him quite determined to do so.

He could still feel those slender arms around his neck. The soft puffs of air against his neck. And those shy smiles on those soft bubblegum lips. Those entirely plush, shimmering, (and not to mention criminally kissable) lips that would call his name so sweetly.

Kamui's heart was still healing. There hadn't been a night where he missed calling out or plain screaming for his lost beloved.

Yet, he couldn't help but feel hope. A hope that Kamui always would stay close to him. That they could never be apart from each other's life.

The person he loved was living with him. They slept together in the same bed and held each other close. I'd be a lie to say the thought alone didn't make his heart soar. The lovesick man knew the foolish grin threatened to take over his features.

The warm breath left from thin lips. Fingers absently pressed over his lips. His mind tried to conjure up just how soft his lips would feel to press against.

A bitter feeling resurfaced, clearly recalling a glimpse of Kamui's first kiss. He felt his lips curve far south. Quite bitter. A raven-black eyebrow twitched.

Subaru forcibly closed off the possessive glint in those dual-toned eyes and took soothing breaths.

Sleek fingers nervously brushed through the locks of raven hair. His spare hand reached absently to his pocket. He looked at the time on his phone. The lit-up words above the door showed him he had several more stops to go.

Breathe in. Softly. Exhale…slowly.

And hopefully, he'll clear his mind to work properly.

---

"Ah, this is the best!" Yuzuriha stretched her arms up high towards the ceiling. She leaned back in her chair, quite content.

Kamui nodded, taking a leisurely bite of the colorful treat. The large round cupcake displayed like art on the plate. Every color of the rainbow was swirling on top of the treat. The icing was sweet and a small purple candy heart was placed in the center of the cupcake.

Of course, his boisterous friend had to get additional cookies, donuts, brownies, and crepes. They had their own sampler ready. Two cups of steaming hot cocoa were placed on either end of the table.

The girl tapped at her cup. Kamui felt Inuki circling by his feet. The spirit dog shuffled around, presumably circling before lying down comfortably, resting by his girl's feet.

She cupped a hand to her cheek. Her head tilted. "What's Subaru's favorite dessert?

Kamui felt himself burn up a little. He hung his head.

"I don't know, " he meekly replied. He did ask about the older man's favorite food to eat, so he didn't ask further around the subject.

"What about you?"

Kamui flushed a bit looking down at his lap. "I'm not sure…"

Yuzuriha hummed. She lifted her mug to her lips. "You two are so alike." She teased gently and took a long sip.

"What do you mean?" Kamui looked back up with curiosity.

"You and Subaru. You reflect each other at times." She answered vaguely. Another sip of her hot cocoa. "And apparently with likes or the uncertainty with them." Her voice softened, hoping the words didn't come off judgmental.

Thankfully, Kamui just smiled a bit.

Those blue watery orbs certainly weren't looking at his friend. His eyes gazed back down and into the reflection, he could see in his cup.

"I think he's a lot kinder than me…" Kamui admitted sheepishly. He felt something fluttering inside. His final thoughts managed to slip out. "Really gentle…"

"You're both kind people," Yuzuriha assured, and shook her head. Her friend was still lost in something that made him smile helplessly. The cat-like smirk returned at the action, but she bit her lip, stopping the giggle at its source. "I think you both are a bit too hard on yourselves."

"Ok, Let's try this again," She paused and took another swig of her drink. She looked determined.

"Okay so out of everything here. What's your favorite?"

"Ah-I guess ah…"

She giggled softly, smiling at her friend. "There aren't wrong answers here."

"Right, ah probably the cupcake then..."

Yuzuriha hummed, taking a bite of her own cupcake for confirmation. "It is very good." She agreed. "I'm leaning more towards the crepes today, myself but… if it's what you like."

She grinned happily to see Kamui looking up again. Whatever he had been imaging earlier certainly had him look a bit brighter.

"Then that's probably what he'd like as well," She reasoned and nodded with great determination.

"Maybe I'll bring one back for him," Kamui, again seemed to be talking to himself. His mind flooded with a mix of confusing emotions.

"You should," She readily agreed with his vocalized thoughts. "And you'll have to tell me if I'm right about this being his new favorite."

Kamui rolled his eyes fondly but relented. "I will."

"I'm pretty sure I'm right. Honestly, I'm almost positive he'll probably say he likes them more than anything."

"Why's that?"

"Woman's intuition."

Kamui's face scrunched.

"And because it'll be coming from you," She told him clearly.

Kamui felt those same raw emotions nagging at his mind. "What do you mean?" He couldn't meet her eyes.

She sighed. "You'll figure it out eventually," her grin resurfaced seeing a baffled Kamui.

The two fell in comfortable silence. Kamui flipped through one of the Manga. The gadget cat from the future, one he remembered loving in his childhood, it took his interest. He may have found himself drawn to a soft Boys Love Romance story as well.

"Do you think we could make these somehow?"

"Possibly?"

"I mean I'm sure there's some secret ingredient," She held up the cupcake, looking at the bottom of it for answers. "But maybe we'll get close."

"Hopefully, with the baking and cooking classes, we were assigned."

"I think they'll be a lot of fun. Though hopefully, we won't have a macaron incident."

"Oh God," Kamui snorted.

"I'm surprised we didn't get banned from the dorms for that!"

"It was an experience."

"Thankfully, we managed to keep the place in one piece until we were saved by…."

She paused biting at her lips. "Sorata."

The name sent a chill through both student's spines. The spirit dog awakened as though sensing his person's pain, and nuzzled his nose against the girl's legs. She absently brushed the top of his fluffy head and smiled a bit feeling him rest his muzzle on her lap.

Kamui's violet eyes darkened and he winced. Mood shifted.

Their pained eyes matched alongside their frowns. Kamui dug his nails into his jeans. He felt the most empathy for their friend who knew him best.

"How's Arashi?"

Kamui inquired not looking back up to meet his friend's equally saddened gaze.

"She's doing the best she can… Considering…" Yuzuriha admitted.

Kamui nodded, the pain of losing the one you fell in love with was still painfully raw.

"But she does keep in touch. I heard she's staying at the temple now…"

"That's good."

"Yeah…"

They looked up and met eyes. Both sharing a bitter laugh. Tears threatened both pairs of glimmering orbs.

"She said she might sign up for some astrology classes when she comes back. "

"I think that might be good…"

"Hopefully. They'll always be connected you know… Arashi and S-" Her voice broke out. The quiet spirit dog leaned up peeking his head out from under the table again. He cuddled close again, brushing his nose against her knee. "Thanks, Inuki," She knelt down, between the chair and table to hug him close. Tears fell freely yet silently. Kamui had to feel to confirm he was indeed in the same state.

Kamui bit his lip tentatively. They gave each other the needed space. Both taking comforting bites of the food in front of them. It was no surprise they were nearly gone.

Yuzuriha snuggled her Inuki one more time before sitting up properly. "But I'm glad we'll be going to the academy together." She rubbed at her eyes. "It'd be way too lonely, otherwise."

Kamui smiled warmly at that. "I'm glad too."

---

Subaru must have lost his sense of awareness. His mind flooded with peaceful images from earlier made for a smooth day at work.

The sun had yet to set, and he was already walking back from the train station in Tokyo

He was too careless as he thought of the younger male. His brain didn't want to register what number was calling his phone before he answered.

"..." And...Shit. He lost his breath, a million emotions flooded alongside agonizing guilt.

"Subaru?" The tired and pained voice called from the other end.

He gasped at the familiar voice. Pained, self-admonished flooded his features, washing away the smile Kamui had brought him seconds ago.

"Subaru, you are there aren't you?"

Silence.

"I know you've suffered greatly. I won't pretend I can comprehend that. But I can't help but be glad you're here, alive."

Subaru swallowed.

"I don't think I could handle losing both of you."

"..." Subaru exhaled softly, pondering hanging up or letting his emotions consume him.

"You must know I'll always love both of you, regardless."

Subaru broke, "I'm not the same man I was."

Relief could be heard through her response. Finally, hearing the voice of the family she worried for most. "I'm aware."

"The role I've resigned myself is a burden I've committed to the rest of my life." He lamented.

"Yet, you still use your powers to help and heal those around Tokyo."

"I'm broken," Subaru disclosed softly. Even if his targets to feed the Sakura tree's life would be of the scum of the earth. It didn't leave his hands clean. Not prevent him from using his powers to harm rather than save.

"You're certainly not broken," She argued back reverently, heart sinking at the state of her only grandchild's heart.

"I've become the one you despise the most in this world! How can you say that's okay?!" He snapped out, tone much ruder and colder than he anticipated.

"I'm not condoning your actions, Subaru." She admitted sadly. He had expected the sting. "For knowingly taking over, I never will." She was concise.

Emerald and golden eyes shivered, even while expecting it.

"Yet, I never stop wishing for your happiness. And that goes beyond any expectations I've held for you."

"G-grandmother," Subaru maneuvered himself towards a more secluded area on the side of the park he strolled through.

"I am certainly to blame for your pain, to begin with…"

"That wasn't your fault!"

"You were a young child, you hadn't even gone on your first job!"

"It wasn't you that -"

Shattered me.

"It doesn't change how I left you on your own. Even a second was far too careless."

He and I would have met regardless. Subaru wished he could say. Seishirou was still far too sore a subject to speak on. Their fates had been intertwined.

"I've never once blamed you, grandmother."

He could feel the smile on the other end of the line. "I know. You'll always have had that gentle heart."

"I'm quite far from who I was."

He could hear the tired sigh from the other end of the line. "Yet, you're not as changed as you may believe." A long exhale followed.

"You were so young yet pushed to the edge daily. Never breaking from your duties. Not forsaking them for your own well being or what you truly wanted. It was only a matter of time. I believed what I wanted to, that you were honored as you said to hold such a position. Never once did you complain to me."

"I've let go of those duties countless times."

"And I failed to protect you when you needed it most. I barely managed to save you in the end."

"Grandmother, that was more than enough-You've sacrificed so much already I could never blame you further. "

"We both carry unchangeable regrets from our past." She proceeded. "Yet, time only moves forward whether or not we decide to join it."

"Don't I know it…" Conjured images of a wounded Hokuto haunted him. He could feel the warm touch on his hand when she left.

Much like… Kamui!

"I…" Subaru started. "I saw Hokuto. Well, not in this realm, but… She was as kind as always."

"So you did…"

"She told me to think of something I wanted to protect." His voice cut off.

"And you've found that something."

"I…" Subaru paused, heart hammering as he felt himself moving forward. "I have."

If Seishirou was the love who shattered him, then Kamui was the miracle restoring him piece by piece.

"I'm sorry. I have something incredibly important I need to attend to." His pace quickened beyond all sense of reason. The image of those beautiful eyes looking up at him. Those soft bubblegum lips calling his name, or even his own lost beloved.

The limber man found himself rising from rooftop to rooftop."I'll take what you said to heart."

"Ah, then you should get to that someone. I'll contact you again, " She felt her worries lighten. Something had certainly been restored within her fragile grandson. Perhaps, her own wish for his happiness would reach fulfillment. "I'm relieved to have heard you, Subaru."

To know you're alive.

He nodded to no one's sight but his own habit of his old self. The sound of the phone clicked off. They bid their temporary goodbyes.

Subaru felt his heart racing painfully hard. He wanted- No he absolutely needed to see Kamui. To hold the one he loved so tightly in his arms. He needed this… To touch, to hold, to hear, to sense… Kamui. To feel his own given energy merging within Kamui...

His cheeks were aching, a smile on his lips refusing to leave.

Subaru's grandmother felt herself breathing for the first time in over a decade. The ache in her chest letting up enough. She could hear the genuine emotion returning to her precious grandchild. She silently thanked whoever had brought this hope.

It seems your heart and mind have been swayed yet again.

Not to be shattered, but restored.

---

Heart fluttering wildly and out of breath, Subaru made it back far earlier than usual. It hadn't even been 15 minutes, still early enough to spend time with his precious person.

Kamui would be there. Exhaling softly, Subaru turned the knob on the door.

Given the circumstances, he didn't expect an over the top greeting like in some romance manga. He didn't know what to expect from Kamui's mood. Still, he couldn't fight the near pout forming on his lips not seeing Kamui in the entryway or living room. Or anywhere in his sight.

"I'm back," Subaru announced. The door closed and locked behind him. "Kamui?"

He sighed. Letting his emotions get the better of him like that. Subaru knows he isn't the one Kamui is in love with, but he far too easily hoped that Kamui still held some type of love for him. Whatever role to stay in Kamui's life he'd gladly take.

"Kamui?" he called out. The older man took off his long black trench coat and hung it on the rack in the entryway. Slipping his shoes off, he started his search. Hoping Kamui was wanting to be found.

He walked through the living room. Glancing curiously through the kitchen and dining room. The bathroom door had been left open. He doubted Kamui would forsake his own privacy.

"Kamui?!" He tried again. This time louder.

Was he still at the bookstore? It was quite possible. He held up his worst, staring at the flashing numbers.

Something told him the introverted boy wouldn't be out for nearly 7 hours, certainly needing some alone time.

"Kamui?!" He called worriedly. His eyes tensed and facial features tightened up.

He started up the stairs at a normal pace.

"Kamui…" His heart sank.

His ears perked up at a painfully hushed noise. The soft sound of quick broken off breaths and sobbing, brought him racing up to be there near instantly.

He frowned, opening the main bedroom door to see no sign of his beloved.

Finally, he went down the hall towards an empty bedroom. The painful cries became louder and more clear.

Subaru opened the door to the empty bedroom with no hesitation.

"Kamui?... I oh, Kamui…"

The taller male knelt down right behind Kamui. The wounded male had curled himself up to a ball. Knees were up to his chest, his arms wrapped around tightly. His face buried in his legs.

Subaru warmly brought Kamui closer wrapping his arms around him tightly, from behind. A Dragon guarding their precious treasure. Subaru embraced him, protectively, not willing to let go even if it meant the end of the world would begin all over again.

Kamui let out a soft gasp at the touch "Subaru?!" He turned around quickly... Worry set in the older man. Kamui hadn't even noticed him coming in?

"Mhmm," he cooed. Subaru rested his hand comfortably in the raven hair. Fingers flowed softly through the tresses, the movement akin to gently flowing water.

More sniffling followed. Kamui continued to hide his face. "Subaru, I…" he whispered. Neither truly knowing what he'd say.

The younger male's voice was trembling. Kamui's protector felt an ache in his chest. He cursed himself out for leaving Kamui on his own so soon. It was just over one week.

The long fingers continued to comb and soothe through the boy's hair. A reflection of light from the sun made it glossy. Glowing even.

Dual toned eyes became memorized. Gold and emerald lost themselves at the sight, lingering over his everything. The heavenly glow upon his head, trembling arms, shaky hands. He grasped one of Kamui's hands upon his own.

Subaru breathed an audible sigh of relief. Kamui finally returned his touch and turned to better fit their hands together.

The protective male let his precious person cry out softly. He reached out to hold onto both of Kamui's hands with his larger one successfully. They had practically been stacked on top of each other. Fingers soothed the skin they held closely. His hands stayed gliding through the glossy raven locks.

Finally, Kamui's hands eased in their shaking. He felt the boy slowly relax just a bit, leaning back. They flushed, chest to back.

Subaru's hand slid down from the hair, brushing some aside. Kamui allowed him to look through the barrier. To see those dampened, reddened cheeks. Emotion kept running rapidly, drenching his hair and exposed cheek.

Tentatively, those long pale fingers went further. Kamui's walls slowly lowering. Subaru brushed the long strands of hair falling in front of the boy's eyes.

It is longer than before. The older male confirmed to himself. He was all too memorized by quite a nice feeling.

Kamui drew in a quick breath, making the hand on his cheek hesitate. He breathed a tired sigh and leaned into the touch. The motion making the other male's chest throb, as it always did.

Movements were slow, gentle, and languid. It came naturally with them. Subaru treated Kamui's heart as though it were porcelain. Even if he knew his own heart was far more fragile between the two of them.

Subaru held in a breath, unsure if it was the time. He started to trace fingers under the soft under. All in hopes to see Kamui's face.

Plans changed. The younger male turned his body in an instant, finally coming out.

"Kam-!"

Kamui lunged forward. The surprise of the attack nearly made him fall back, pushing Subaru to the floor. Then Kamui would have been…

Subaru shook off the thought quickly.

Slender arms were wrapped needily around Subaru's broad shoulders. Suddenly, his arms were filled with a sobbing Kamui. Tears were staining the shirt. The younger male's expression sheltered itself in a warm, comforting shoulder. Both were preferring this kind of shelter. Together.

Kamui's protector let him do all he wanted. The arms were nearly painfully tight around the older male, but he wouldn't break the hold for the world.

Subaru kept breathing slowly, calming his mind. His arms held Kamui back in a very firm shielding embrace.

A hand rested on the small back, rubbing tender patterns upon it.

"I-I…" Kamui attempted. His emotions and sobbing voice made it impossible.

Subaru felt his chest aching. His heart warmed as he felt the trembling hand hold his own, guiding it back to his hair. He heard himself swallow.

Kamui's face burned hidden away to not expose his features any further. Wordless, the protective male all too easily gave in to the request. Fingers carded softly, and intimately through the silky locks of hair.

Far too lovesick to worry about requited love, Subaru further gave in to his heart. Just a bit. He pressed his lips immediately to the crown of Kamui's head letting them linger there. So long as the younger male allowed him.

Kamui felt a far warmer emotion building up inside. The cold icy agony was melting. He held back the urge to purr at the dual feeling of lips pressing to his head and the hand brushing his hair.

Subaru's other hand never seized to comfort the trembling male, caressing him languidly. The slender hand continued moving higher up near the smaller male's shoulders.

"Ha-" Kamui let out an undignified yelp. Those skilled hands eased the tension in a particularly tight knot.

Kamui's lithe form jolted up. The sudden movement knocking the hand on his face away. Though it returned instantly...

Subaru moved to massage the other shoulder, easing the tension and earning a smaller jolt. He let out a pleased chuckle, indulging fully in those reactions.

Kamui gasped, burrowing himself further into the protective form. He kept close, listening for a strong, steady heartbeat before he could relax. He didn't know what to think of the reason why his actions came as they did. Simply, he didn't want to now. Keeping the moment sacred, not changing a thing.

Finally, Kamui muffled a reply. "...you"

Subaru frowned a bit, feeling guilty to ask again. Though it couldn't be helped. "I'm Sorry I could n-"

"I said 'thank you'" Kamui repeated his voice more audibly. He swore his voice broke out far louder than it actually was. Heat brushed up through a pale neck and ears. Vulnerability settled in. Yet, even so, he didn't want to hide away, not yet.

They're always so beautiful. Subaru caught those watery violet eyes in a gaze. The pair hadn't spoken. The two simply lingered there.

Kamui lifted his head up more fully. His features softened, seeing Subaru more directly, closer.

Subaru's hand brushed away the stray strands of hair falling over his face. He cupped a tear ridden cheek softly.

"You've stopped crying… " Lovesick lips soothed. Subaru's relieved breath and smile followed.

Kamui brushed and held the hand upon his cheek. Subaru could feel the seam of lips beginning to curve.

His smile was shaky but certainly hadn't been any easier on the yearning man's heart.

"I…" Kamui began. He squinted down at himself in frustration. "I was…before I started to…" Kamui's face scrunched up. "Aghh!" He groaned in frustration.

Subaru brought the boy into focus. The arm that found itself snaking around the slender waist retreated. He held the boy's neglected cheek in a soft caress. Both delicate hands continued brushing and easing the tension from the skin beneath.

"You don't have to push yourself, to talk about it, if you don't want to…"

He shook his head, his hand soon joined. Kamui's slender porcelain hands held softly to the comforting ones on his cheeks.

Watery orbs of violet shining a bit bluer under the sun looked up. Finally, dual orbs of gold and emerald bore into and locked with the pair of glistening violet blues.

Two puffy red ovals surrounded the melancholy boy. His nose was unclean and messy from earlier.

Subaru decided Kamui couldn't fail to look beautiful no matter what he did.

Although his currently tender lips made up his favorite look on the younger male.

Languidly, and reluctantly Kamui retracted a hand. He gestured his arm out to the right. Old picture frames and fallen photos were scattered about.

It clicked with Subaru.

"I think I want to tell you," Kamui confessed. The protective man felt that same familiar warmth dancing in his chest. Their eyes gazed into the other. Subaru's eyes lightened, yet there was still a deep longing within.

Kamui hadn't known the emotion he felt himself now. Far too many others came rushing in at once. They slowly moved from the comfortable embrace. They sat up, backs against the wall, their forms only moving a few feet to the side of the room.

Shaky fingers grasped for something strewn on the carpet. Kamui held up an old family photo and leaned back and closer to the warmth nearby.

The picture was a bit faded, clearly cherished for some time. There was a happy, innocent Kamui. His mother and the young six-year-old version of Kamui were posed gracefully. Both were smiling in front of the glistening blue ocean behind them. The resemblance was clear between the two. Their same facial shape, silky raven hair, and endearing smiles matched perfectly.

Subaru didn't know what to say. He opted to let Kamui talk when he was ready.

"It's… Just really hard, even after all this time..." Kamui confessed, grasping for the fallen photos on the floor and gathering them into one pile. When he was done he returned. Back to his protector's side. Their legs brushed.

Kamui held out a new photo. Subaru's slender fingers grasped it carefully. His head leaned back to rest between Subaru's shoulder and chest. His index finger traced over the picture held out by the taller male.

It appeared to be the same beach in the background. This time right at the shoreline. A young beaming Kamui was there holding onto the help of his mother's blue cover-up dress.

Yet, they were not alone in this picture. The young mother was standing beside another woman, quite closely. Both of them looking to be around the same age and beaming tenderly. Sandy-blond tresses flowed down to her back. It contrasted with Kamui's mother raven-black dresses. The women complemented each other. Even their dresses contrasted neatly with blue and red flowy fabric adorning their figures.

A very young Kotori stood beside the unknown woman. She was a mini reflection of her mother. Quite a tall, yet very young innocent Fuuma placed his hand on his sister's shoulder.

Kamui thumbed over the photo. His lips quirked up in a sardonic smile. "This was the last time I remember my mother, truly happy."

"I barely remember my father," He explained softly and pointed to the woman beside his mother. "I would see 'Aunt Saya'," His two fingers curved to form air quotes. "Far more often than my father."

Subaru warmly wrapped an arm around Kamui's waist and held him close. Kamui's bitter smile sweetened just a bit. He fully leaned his head on the older male's shoulder.

"They were always so close… For as long as I can remember." Kamui breathed a heavy sigh. "I didn't get it as a kid and looking back I still don't. When 'Aunt' Saya left, my mother changed… Like a light burned out. I can't but feel I was missing something. And now I'll never know."

"Kamui…" Subaru soothed and brushed his fingers over the other's trembling. "I'm honored you've told me this. But if this is too much you don't have to go into this…"

Kamui's nose puffed a breath. He rolled his eyes, the movement was a bit fonder than he would have liked to show.

"I'll be alright, Subaru… I told you before I want to do this… I don't have much else to say about Mother though…"

Another photo was placed on top of the pile. Kamui looked a bit older than the previous one. Perhaps around seven or eight. His copper-blind friend was sitting right beside him

That pure smile remained intact. Subaru mourned for its loss.

"Well...you know…" Kamui waved his hand around in a circular motion. His nose squinted up and he looked frustrated at his lap. He admonished himself. After just saying it would be alright.

"Yes, I remember…" Subaru assured. Images of a shattered soul holding the head of his loved one was hard to forget. Along with those screams.

This picture seemed like an alternate reality. The childhood versions of Kamui and Kotori were sitting on a larger tree branch. Both with cheeky smiles, close to a bustling birds nest full of open beaked babies, and their mother.

"And…." Kamui didn't explain. He only slapped another picture on top of the pile.

A grade school Kamui stood in front of a colorful school building. His taller friend's arm gently curled around Kamui's shoulder. A young Fuuma's hand clasped over Kamui, the latter oblivious or all too willing to remain so intimate.

Kamui's lost love held was something more in those amber eyes. Even as a child a somewhat darker glint of possessiveness was visible. Subaru felt himself wince.

"It's weird to be back there now…" Kamui didn't speak further on either of his childhood friends and loves. He shifted over to piling on lighthearted images, candid photos of himself, Yuzuriha, Arashi, and Sorata at the CLAMP campus dorms.

One with them in the kitchen. Kamui adorably (to Subaru's mind) focused on the cutting board in front of him. Several carrots were cut up and Kamui's hand had held the helm of the knife carefully, his other hand holding the vegetable curled up properly.

Though, Subaru could see the cause of the cloudy and saddened eyes and a dejected frown from Kamui. His tall and jovial friend stood right beside him. He sported a cheeky grin and rested his elbows on the counter, seeming to watch Kamui carefully.

Another photo was of Kamui and Yuzuriha in front of the larger mixing bowl. Kamui held the mixing spoon a bit awkwardly but seemed at ease regardless. Yuzuriha had her hands clapped together.

Kamui's sour expression from before lighted a bit. "Yuzuriha is the same as always." He assures. Now, smiling a bit to himself at their earlier adventure through the giant bookstore.

"I'm glad you'll be in a lot of classes together," Subaru mentioned.

Kamui nodded. He would have liked to have them match more. Having a bubbly friend like Yuzuriha drew attention away from himself. At least, they had extracurricular cooking and baking classes.

The pictures continued to pile up, those beside Yuzuriha and Kamui. His friend often kept making some exuberant expressions in the photos. Her energy practically burned through the picture. And that small photograph brought a gentle hope from Kamui's features.

Those photos clearly focused on Arashi or Sorata made his expression fall quickly. The memory of the two, forming guilt in the former leader's mind. Even if his friend was foretold to die for the woman he loved, Kamui wished he had the power to change it. To stop the Kamui of Earth earlier before anyone got hurt. Arashi lost many of those rare yet true smiles she gave back then. Perhaps some would return when she came to the academy.

"It's weird going back to the academy now," Kamui stated, his lips quirked. Beautiful violet eyes glistened with a tender light reflected.

"I hated having these photos before….but now… I… guess I wish we had taken more."

"Kamui..." Subaru hugged the smaller male close to his side.

"You too," Kamui hushed vaguely, his cheeks painted light pink.

Subaru lifted an eyebrow, looking over the boy curiously. "What do you mean…?"

Kamui shook his head and turned away. "Nothing, it's stupid. Considering everything happening then…"

"Kamui? " Subaru prompted. He grasped the shy male's chin over to look at him. Their glimmering gem toned eyes bore into one another again. That familiar warmth met as their hands connected. Subaru held his own only to find Kamui instinctively lacing them together.

"Whatever you started on seems important to you. There's nothing I've heard you say that I'd even consider being stupid." Subaru hummed, giving the boy's hand a gentle squeeze. He prompted him to continue.

"I guess…looking at this now, I wish I had photos with you at the academy," Kamui admitted, terribly quiet. The older male ducked his head down to hear the latter words.

Oh.

When they sunk in his eyes widened and he flushed. His eyes darkened a bit, shifting away from the currently shy male beside him. I was hardly in the right state of mind. Enrolling only for the convenience to track down Seishirou.

"You helped me so much with my classes. And always were so kind and patient with me…" Kamui admitted, making both of their hearts thump wildly.

"You still are…" Kamui hushed in a terrible soft whisper, gulping.

Those small moments were forever engraved in the older male's mind. Amongst the internal hell, Subaru had small moments of reprieve. Feeling he could breathe. All those times they met under the gazebo.

Just the two of them. The world's fate seemed to pause, just for those few hours they went over past lessons.

A sense of freedom was felt. Like he wasn't eternally bound to that Sakura tree.

"As I said back then I'll say now, It was no trouble at all, for me…" Subaru's face glowed, lit by the setting sun.

Signs of red, pink, and orange swirled into Kamui's eyes. Those violet-blue orbs reflected them perfectly. The brilliant blend of colors. A painter's masterpiece...

"Kamui, I…"

Kamui looked up at him, with tear-stained eyes wide and Innocent.

Subaru stopped himself from moving any closer.

"I was happy to spend that time with you," Subaru opted to profess, shifting gears. He cleared his throat.

"Ah…" Kamui paused. Not really understanding the protective man's emotions nor his own. Far too many emotions, painful and aching to those fluttering warm feelings battling to dispel the darkness. "I'm glad."

Kamui shifted through a handful of photos and passed them to Subaru to look at. Neither spoke on them any further.

The two males simply stayed close. Kamui rested his head on the taller male's shoulder, his head nuzzling into the curve of his neck.

Silence followed onto the final picture, Kamui quickly covered it with his hand.

Subaru hadn't questioned it, seeing the photo well before Kamui's retraction of it. He recognizing a similar one in the old cracked frame off to the side.

He understood the boy's reluctance to talk any further. The picture was clearly treasured. And a fairly recent one at that. Kamui had been wearing his former black school uniform. Beside him was the man Kamui deeply loved and surely still loves at this very moment.

Fuuma has been pressed intimately close to Kamui. A hand curved over Kamui's shoulder holding him protectively. Kamui's cheeks were dusted with alluring rose pink. He leaned close to his love. Kamui's head leaning to the side and brushing against the taller male's chest.

Even if they hadn't understood each other until it was too late… They could have easily been mistaken for lovers.

Kamui's eyes were focused only ahead on the camera. Fuuma's amber eyes held a certainly loving gleam in them, that was shrouded by a darker tone. Subaru could recognize that possessive glint anywhere.

That of a man clearly in love, taking his claim over the younger male and daring anyone to even consider taking his Kamui away.

"I… Ah...I think I'm feeling better." Kamui broke the silence. He squeezed the older man's hand bringing him back to attention. Back to the way his hand had held to Kamui's smaller one, hard. An arm instinctively had moved, and continued to tighten and coil around the abashed male.

"Ah, s-sorry," Subaru snapped back to reality. Forcing that bitter feeling in his stomach down.

A sense of awkwardness came between them as Kamui shifted himself up. He nearly fell right back into place, a stuttering heart making him clumsier than usual.

"You're sure?" Subaru asked simply, quite expecting the soft hum of confirmation as his answer.

"Yeah… I-I'm sorry. It really was a fun day earlier even- just going through these things I…"

Kamui leaned up to his feet, stretching his arms up above his head. Hoping to break himself from getting too lost in his mind and memories.

The action was no surprise, yet Kamui still gasped softly. Longer and warmer arms than his own enveloped him from behind.

He was pulled back to a sense of blissful warmth. Those same arms insistently pulled him closer until their bodies flushed back to chest.

The taller male leaned down and rested his chin upon Kamui's shoulder. "You never need to apologize for what you're feeling," Subaru assured. His warm breath blew right against the hairs on the back of Kamui's neck, as he spoke.

Kamui shivered a bit at the hold and nerve-wracking feeling which followed.

"Thank you…." Kamui professed his mind in a daze. There were only two people in the world he ever let himself get this close to… Before Subaru.

The younger male felt himself relax more fully, as he was spun around to be embraced chest to chest. Kamui returned the hug with shaky arms. "I…brought you back something," Kamui mumbled against the warm chest.

"Hmm?" Subaru squeezed him tightly before releasing Kamui enough to see his face.

"Well, I went with Yuzuriha to that cafe I told you about…" Kamui started a bit awkwardly, glancing away from the inquisitive stare. "And ah… well I mean, I know you said you didn't want anything..."

Kamui grabbed at Subaru's wrist and tugged him out of the room. The older male let the one holding his heart, pull him along. Anywhere. The younger male hadn't looked back. Neither were sure who started it but their hands found themselves shifting and embracing tightly.

"I...still wanted to bring you something back." Kamui bit his lip. Nerves settled in, hoping the gesture wouldn't seem odd or unwanted.

"Hnnn," Subaru acknowledged, squeezing the smaller hand in his own. The motion was tight and reassuring. He let his flustered leader continue on.

The pair walked past the hallway leisurely. Kamui's gaze stayed straight ahead. He walked ahead, descending down the staircase. "So anyway…"

Kamui led him back to the dining room. Only then did their hands, reluctantly part. "Just stay here…"

The younger male grasped the back of one of the chairs, sliding it back. His warm, sweaty palms pressed flat upon the broader male's chest. Dual-toned eyes widened, and lips were about to part. Kamui stopped those plans, by gently pushing him back to the chair. With no resistance and help on Subaru's side, he was guided. to sit back on one of the dining room chairs. Hastily, Kamui retreated around the corner.

Subaru shifted to sit on the side of the chair. Bemused and terribly fond eyes followed the other's movements precisely.

Kamui is too cute… His brain kept stuttering the same thought on repeat. Kamui walked a bit hesitant towards the fridge. He breathed out softly, and decided upon the handle of the door and opening it.

A shy, softened smile crept up over the younger male's lips, he took out something in a plastic box. Hands rustled through the drawer, and he plucked out a fork. Kamui stood up on his tip-toes to reach for one of the small plates.

Subaru slapped a hand to his face. Fingers moved to massage the throbbing temples. Why didn't I move those lower?

Sprinkles of lemonade-pink colored Kamui's face. The sight became more and more apparent the closer he came. Kamui looked up at him, lips a bit shaky before forming a smile that contended to be admirer's favorite. That soft hesitant turn of lips, one barely visible, save for those close to it.

Subaru swallowed. His chest was aching, his emotions pounding wildly inside. It would be a terrible lie if he was anything but affected by the kind gesture. Having Kamui come out and serve him like this, with his surprise, left him a bit lightheaded.

Lips hopelessly spread to a foolish smile that threatened to melt off his mouth. Kamui tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. The kitchen lights struck Kamui perfectly. He simply glowed, even under basic lighting.

"I can never thank you enough," Kamui admitted, eyes a bit distraught as they strayed from sight.

Subaru's lips quirked. "And you don't need to." He assured, grasping for Kamui's hand.

"But…" Unfortunately, for Subaru, the keeper of his heart refused to meet his gaze. He bit his lip nervously. Not an uncommon gesture for Kamui, yet to see it this close, Subaru's mouth dried.

"You've done so much for me…I really appreciate everything. All of this..."

Kamui held his hand up high, his hand flowed to form an arc in the air. His gesturing made clear to indicate all throughout their home. 'Not to mention saving me...so many times.' Kamui's mind lingered as he paused.

"You're so kind, Subaru. I mean letting me live here like this…" Kamui started. Subaru started to protest before a flat hand moved before his face. "I'm still not used to everything...but I feel...a bit lighter with you here. Like I have a home here with you." Kamui professed, gently softly. He stopped himself from talking further, hurriedly sitting down on the adjacent chair.

Kamui groaned to himself. Going through some mental war, unknown likely to even himself. He crossed his arms upon the table and buried his face. He muttered a string of words to himself. A mumble of something 'sappy' was all Subaru could get out of it.

"Kamui…" Subaru's mouth hung open. Emerald and gold eyes widened, before shivering wildly. A soft white glow reflected in the lightened dual-colored eyes. He brushed his hand gently up and down sheltering arms. SImply, moving them up and down in hopes to soothe Kamui out of his shell.

"First, I have to reiterate, and will as many times as I need to. I do not 'let' you live here. I truly want you here." Need you here. "And what you said just ah...n-now," The words rumbled out into a stuttered mess. He could feel his cheeks burning like lava. The desire to copy Kamui's retreating actions was quite tempting.

Boldly, Subaru took a long drawn out-breath and continued. His hands gently nudged at Kamui's shoulder. The flustered male responded to the touch and slightly peeked out from his hiding place. His face from the nose down stayed hidden. Beautiful blue-violet orbs peeked out and were all but ravished by their counterpart.

Subaru snorted at the gesture, quite bemused. His eyes pored over the hidden face. He fell easily into those entrancing eyes, and his lips curved helplessly. Consuming eyes turned half-lidded and hopeless as they took Kamui in, entirely gone on him.

"It made me very happy, Kamui. This is your home as long as you still want to live here…"

Kamui couldn't help but grin at that and leaned up to speak more clearly. "I'll always want to…" He stated simply, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

He continued to lift his head up, exposing more of his face. Enough for Subaru to catch a glimpse of an elegant trace of pink. And to see that soft grin falling to a kind smile.

"Then it's settled…" Subaru decided in a whisper-soft breath. Finally, Kamui slowly began to unravel. He leaned up and smiled, a sense of warmth and relief flooding over him.

"You don't have to do things like this to thank me," he assured once more. He glanced and pointed towards the neglected dessert. The recipient quite preferred to devour the one he cherished, more visually. "But, I do appreciate you thinking of me…doing this."

"Then it's settled," Kamui mimicked from earlier.

Subaru's eyebrows lifted. "Oh?"

"I'll just keep doing these kinds of things for you...Because I want to."

A confident smirk painted his lips. Subaru had to force himself not to linger on the movement too long.

"If you want to. And only if you want to."

"I do." Kamui nodded, mind in quite a similar daze as the kind man holding his gaze., fully capturing him. Brilliant, glowing blue-violet eyes blended and fell into gold and emerald. Sparkling gem hued eyes were glistening. Time slowed just a bit for them.

Enough for them both to notice small details. Subaru took in those tiny glints of white had colored Kamui's eyes. Glints that could barely be seen along with the larger gleams of light reflected. Dual-hued irises were much lighter, and softer than Kamui remembered

Subaru absently found himself grasping for the fork, he dug the utensil into the large colorful cupcake. Glossy dual-hued eyes hadn't left the ones they pined for.

Kamui tilted his head, a bit curious how Subaru was able to bring the fork to his lips with no trouble at all.

Only, when his tongue met with over the sugary sponge cake did Subaru break from his trance. The frosted cupcake had just the right amount of sweetness. Perhaps, the person that gifted the treat, had a bit of an influence on its taste.

"This is really good," Subaru thought aloud, taking another bite up to his lips.

"I'm glad…I wasn't sure you would like this sort of thing," Kamui confessed his worries. Full eyelashes blinked slowly over glossy violet-blue.

"Kamui…" Subaru followed the fluttering movements. He brought a second bite absently to his lips again, surprising Kamui with how effortless it looked. Subaru's hand reached out to place his hand over his own precious light. Kamui easily outshined the ones above. It likely would overtake the sun in that regard, at least to the smitten man.

"I'll gladly accept whatever you give me. Because I- care about you," Subaru settled with the words, relieved Kamui took them in happily. Not seeing how painfully obvious Subaru had felt he was acting.

"I care about you too," Kamui returned with sincerity, looking the older male right in the eyes to make sure his words were heard and understood quickly. His eyes shined extra blue under the lights. Kamui smiled assuring.

Leaving them both to a comfortable silence, broken by the occasional question and answer about each other's day.

I care about you.

Even if that was the extent to which those feelings went, a warm sense of bliss overcame him. He meant something to Kamui, and they would stay in each other's lives. Kamui wanted to stay with him. Subaru vowed to himself again, he would never lose his precious person ever again.

End