Ambrosia Ch 4: Calathea
Author's Notes/AN
Calatheas symbolize "new beginnings" And has its symbolism from the "saying 'to turn over a new leaf', which is what the plant does in the dark." ( .uk definition says at least). Angst, fluff, pining, and a look into Kamui and Subaru's first month since living together.
A little mature here, sexual frustrations. Subaru has the patience and self-control of a gd Saint.
I don't know why I put Subaru through this! I love his character so much I cry ðŸ˜Like when I first read TB I was fifteen discovering my sexuality and crying out my first unrequited love. (obviously, not Sub level pain but still a socially awkward teen, figuring out attraction, falling in love the first time-love for animals and interacting with them easier than people-he is so precious.)
The series gave me so much validation with the theme of everyone's pain being their own and you can't compare and belittle others' problems. Which is so important for all interpersonal relationships. Honestly, it is an amazing manga, and oh gosh an anime adaptation 2021! Now I don't have to re-watch the OVAs fifty times haha
It'll all be requited and lovey-dovey in the end. They will always love each other (as I see it). I end up writing them in love or falling in love. These two deserve a happy ending more than pretty much any character I can think of. And since there is unlikely one in Canon I will make my own angsty and sappy one.
Nights beside Kamui came like a hurricane. All the day's repressed pain and suffering would pile up and release itself through the wounded boy's nightmares
Kamui was somewhat lying in bed. His arms and legs tangling up in the sheets. His back arches up high and painfully tight. The hurting boy's sleeping companion had to guide Kamui down several times, to rest on his back or side when he needed to be held still and comforted. Lest Kamui risk further injury or more emotional trauma.
"Kamui, it's alright…" Subaru shushes the trembling boy. He pulls Kamui's back right up against his chest. Subaru feels the sweat trickling down Kamui's skin as he places a butterfly light kiss on his loved one's shoulder.
"Kamui, you're safe…" He tries again and softly yawns. With the lack of sleep taking its toll, his dual-toned eyes burned. Bags found their stay under sleep-deprived eyes.
"Shh... Kamui, relax…" Subaru coos, quietly and lovingly. Miraculously, even more so than he dared to do when comforting a conscious Kamui. Which was saying something.
"I'm here…" Lips breathe the words right in Kamui's ear, in hopes to calm. He vows, as he did countless times, and will continue to do endlessly. "I'll always be."
Thankfully, Kamui seems to hear or feel some semblance of comfort. His trembling figure eases momentarily. Subaru breathes a long, soft exhale. He let his eyes close, careful, and expectant the storm was far from over.
Kamui's breathing slows for a bit. The trembling male starts to ease back onto the mattress. For a moment he calms, before Subaru feels a familiar shaking form in his arms, yet again.
"N-no…P-Please don't," Kamui begs within his dream. The man embracing him winces. He breathes a heavy and elongated breath.
The slender body keeps writhing in the tight hold. The older male barely holds back a gasp as he feels Kamui's hips and legs twisting against him. Subaru bites down on his tongue sharply.
The one he loves is desperately reaching his arms out in front of him. Trying to grasp the unobtainable, longing to hold another.
"Don't go!" Kamui cries out, his figure begins shifting and contorting. The somewhat controlled pace twisting and turning turns to wild movements and violet lunges forward.
Subaru worries if he holds him even remotely looser, Kamui might just throw himself off the bed.
"Please…"
Kamui shudders, continuing to jolt forward. His hands keep reaching for something. The heartbroken boy's breaths became terribly ragged and harsh.
"I NEED YOU!" Kamui started screaming. Certainly, loud enough to wake the non-existent neighbors, if the house wasn't isolated.
"Do-don't leave me…" Kamui pleads desperately, shaking and struggling within the embrace. The slender body thrusts forward, fighting harshly to free itself. Subaru's arms were unrelenting, holding the one he loved only tighter the more Kamui fought to break away. Fears of his precious person injuring himself, falling off their bed, consumes Subaru/.
"F-Fuuma, Please!"
Legs were turning and even kicking the ones behind them. Subaru was left with no other option but to restrain the aggressive legs, tangling and taming them within his own. His arms were already plenty occupied with Kamui's trembling and unyielding form.
"I can't lose you…" Kamui cries, his whole body shudders. He sniffles, nose twitching sporadically, lips trembled. Breaths became even more labored and frantic.
Tears were flooding through his eyes. Subaru could feel his cries, the way Kamui trembled, sniffled, and sobbed audibly.
"Kamui…" Subaru tries again, sounding more exhausted than before. He keeps the shaking body in his hold with one arm. His free arm moved and gentle fingers carded themselves through disarrayed patches of black. Skilled and practiced fingers smooth the soft locks of hair into place. He felt Kamui tense against him, before slowing his movements, no longer writhing away to escape.
"I love you- so so so much…." Kamui professes, calling out to his dream love. Subaru winces his eyes tight shut, long expecting and knowing how this followed up.
"I love you so much, Fuuma. I LOVE YOU! YOU CAN'T…"
Kamui's twisting and turning start up again suddenly. Tears were overflowing, from the heartbroken savior. His protector snuggles close beside him, and places his hand over those emotion bled eyelids.
"Shhh," he soothes, whispering sweet words into the younger boy's ear. Warm breath brushes against the hurting boy. He murmurs words of hope, affection, and vows to keep Kamui safe. To always be with him.
"Kamui." His words caress. "Kamui…It's alright now. You're safe here… I'm with you…" He whispers soft words of affection, despite his pain, from Kamui's struggling.
"Don't go! FUUMA!"
Kamui's dream seemed to be reaching its most painful state. He feels Kamui's movements grow more desperate and violent.
"I know you're hurting beyond words Kamui… but please… You're safe here" His embrace from behind his love turns more frantic, arms almost painfully tightening around Kamui's slender waist.
Subaru winces and hears the one he fell for, whimpering and crying out. He feels his heart sink, hating the sight and sound of Kamui being so broken up.
"Kamui, Kamui, Kamui!"
Countless calls of the boy's name won over the painful cries. Kamui shivers for a moment, before slowly coming down bit by bit.
Subaru hoped the nightmare had reached its climax. The boy did slow his movements for a moment. Breathing was wild, but Kamui seemed to get close to an even pace.
Momentarily.
"FUUMA!" Whatever image that returned to Kamui brought the pain back tenfold.
"NO!" Kamui's shrill cries pierced through his protector's chest. "I-I can't -"
The struggling male had only fought harder to slip away. Perhaps some of his own power was aiding him. The protective man tensed, feeling an overwhelming pain, as the boy's strength increases. His legs kicked and struggled hard.
"Kamui!" Subaru calls out to him. Everything aches, hating the idea of waking him from such a fragile, vulnerable nightmare. But…
"Kamui!" He attempted again, louder and far more desperate.
"KAMUI!"
Unfortunately, for him, Kamui's senses seemed to have skewed. His unruly powers were overwhelming his ability to feel, hear, or see beyond the dreamscape.
The older male grit his teeth. Refusing to let any nightmare pull Kamui away from him. Even if the small bits of Kamui's power were threatening to bruise him.
"Kamui…" Subaru called again, calling over and over for him. His breath falling right into the boy's sensitive ear, his voice pleading. He grasped at Kamui's shoulders with both hands and started shaking him to no avail.
With great reluctance, Subaru prepares to go to one of his final options. Quietly and slowly, the older male starts moving away from the boy, preparing to release his hold and roll over and off the bed. He learned from experience Kamui would awaken the moment he sensed Subaru's form left the bed. No matter how deep his sleep was or how quiet Subaru tried to be, he'd arise. Subaru always would find himself frozen. The lovelorn man saw worried, helpless violet eyes open up and look at him.
"Please…" Subaru pleads for Kamui again. Relief floods through the tired male as he feels his loved one easing back, again. Kamui stilled, yet his breathing started picking up.
"Kamui. " His lips brush near a sensitive part of Kamui's ear, causing an unexpected shiver, from the younger male. The younger male's breath hitches, and he's moving again.
"I-I…" Kamui sputtered out again. Subaru's words were either reaching him or Kamui's powers burned themselves out. Maybe both.
"Kamui," Subaru whispers, as he'd done countless times. Kamui murmurs something. The word always felt so natural on his tongue. He is unsure what to make of the slowing breaths and eased expression. A glance over the boy's features gives him an alluring sight. Kamui visibly softened, the dream clearly shifted as Kamui fell into the hold around him.
Kamui makes a pleased humming sound, his reactions going a full 180. Bubblegum-pink lips were smacking lightly together, making sounds soft yet audible enough to drive his sleeping partner mad. Kamui sighs with content as his body calmed, slowing and shifting its movements.
His protector was almost sure Kamui would start to drift off. Well before far more high, pleasing sounds escaped those soft lips. Kamui loses his breath. He begins panting.
The smaller, affected boy starts to push his hips up and thrust them forward. His pace increased as he sought unobtainable friction. Kamui quickly cried out sharper, higher, leaning his head back. The young male's breath hitched. Those little cries were so soft, vulnerable, and… former cries of pain were now…
Oh. The realization hit Subaru hard. Kamui's once painfully twisting form moved to a sensual rocking motion. The one he loved was mewling out so softly. He couldn't do a thing about it. This was pure torture. His hips kept rocking back against the warm body, motions making the pining man painfully weak.
Subaru attempted to save his sanity as he loosened his hold around Kamui's waist. He slowly started pulling away, hoping to give the boy the most space possible, without leaving the bed and thus awakening him. Though he wasn't sure how long he could refrain from doing so.
"Ah-K-Kamui," He cries with a breathless voice. He bit his lip painfully to suppress any other sounds. Kamui hadn't let him go so easily. The reactive male unconsciously shifts back against the older man. Kamui's unconscious form sought the retracing, familiar warmth, before fully grinding back against the already oversensitive body behind him.
"Ka- ah- mui!" He groans between breaths. Emerald and gold orbs widened, glazed over with want and emotions he'd been fighting down all month. He grits his teeth. A long and deep exhale followed to keep the pining man relatively sane. Not to say this incident wouldn't be on his mind, tormenting him when he was alone. When his mind would be consumed with nothing but Kamui, and fantasies loving on him.
Subaru managed to pull away from Kamui, leaving the boy to pout his lips and release a very displeased whine. The lithe, aroused body seemed to settle on something after a moment. Kamui rolled on to his back, arching it, twisting and turning his form wildly. He turns slightly, hips brushing up against the sheets or blankets, obtaining some friction.
Subaru pulled further away and tried not to die or look back anymore. He heard the younger male mewling and panting. Crying out so-so beautifully. Somehow even more so than his sweetest dreams could offer.
Another destructive image tested the affected man's sanity. Out of the corner of his eye, he did catch a beautifully flushed and aroused Kamui. The one he loved (fervently) was so very close, and lewdly moaning, erotically writhing tangled up in the sheets. The older male's face lit aflame, forcing his eyes shut, and mind to think of anything else.
It would be a miracle if the older man got any good sleep at this rate. Subaru would have to deal with his own reactions later, far too exhausted and pained in many ways by the sound of his beloved's lingering cries from pain and pleasure. He couldn't nor would he allow himself to dwell any further.
Subaru rolled near the edge of the bed, turning his back to his love, and covering his ears in hopes of giving the boy some privacy. Hopefully, it could last before he had to resort to getting up, waking Kamui up from such a state. Thus leading to a very awkward conversation that would follow, for both of them.
"Kamui…" Subaru calls with great hesitance, seeing the younger male's movements still bit by bit. The affected and heated boy gasped at the sound of his name.
He didn't know whether to be grateful his voice reached him or heartbroken. The words seemed to play a role within the dream. Yet, not as expected.
Kamui kept crying. Unintentionally hurting his sleeping partner, as he continues calling for the name of his lost love. That beautiful voice does so over and over seeming to be on the pinnacle of pleasure. At last the climax. Kamui cries out sharply once more. His adorable breath calms and he slows his movements.
They both eased. At last. The more pleasant dream seemed, thankfully short-lived, as did the boy's writhing state. His back had arched up again. Kamui cries beautifully before falling back to the sheets.
Hesitantly he rolled closer to Kamui, thankful for an ending to that dream and a journey back to sleep. Hopefully.
The pair managed to drift off for what was assumed to be ten minutes after. The older male forced himself to think of nearly anything but what just happened.
It was quiet… before-
"NO!"
Kamui's sudden writhing and screaming startled his companion. Eyes shot open and shook. He turned back and held Kamui tightly. It seems another painful shift haunted his dreams. Never giving the poor boy solace.
Gold and emerald eyes shiver as he noticed Kamui had somehow slipped a bit from his arms and was on his back convulsing. The movement was wild and agonizing. The slender boy shifted.
"Shh… I'm right here Kamui…" Subaru hugged the boy close to him, turning until his chest flushed with Kamui's quivering back. The fit is always so perfect, far too natural to be a coincidence in this world.
"Kamui…" Subaru buried his tired eyes in the crook of Kamui's shoulder. The gifted onmyouji concentrated, feeling out the wild energy around him. One that could only be Kamui.
One of his hands began moving, brushing around Kamui's waistline. Careful and innocent touches were placed before he pressed his palm against the boy's core.
"Ahn, K-Kamui…" Subaru grit his teeth. He had to catch his breath, feeling the brunt of the blow, untamed energy within the true Kamui moved him around recklessly. Kamui whimpers and an insane desire to protect takes over Subaru.
Subaru refused to give up, and a small technique he learned through training came to mind. His hand slips gently under Kamui's pajama shirt. A gentle palm presses down on his core.
Dual-toned, gem eyes, flutter close, concentrating. Subaru presses his forehead to the boy's back and feels. Even the incredibly skilled onmyouji is startled by the power, raw reactions in his loved one's system. Raw untamed energy kept coiling deep within the slender, pained body. So much of the energy ravages the poor system, all bundled up in Kamui's core, resistant to calm or disperse.
Kamui cried out again, whimpering. The potent energy, purely Kamui's ki, moves and strikes out rapidly. Attempting to shut out all others, Subaru feels a shock of resistance. One uncontrolled and terribly destructive to its surroundings.
No, wonder you haven't been sleeping. Subaru reasons. His lips parted as he pressed a soft kiss against the back of Kamui's shoulder blade, once more. This should help you.
"Kamui…" Those same tender lips start chanting a spell. A long string of spiritual words was repeated over and over again. Perfectly versed and precise. The spell was about the equivalent of a spiritual lullaby. Perhaps, slightly more effective, the way it was performed on his dearest one. Thankfully, the small amount of power used had an effect on the boy.
Subaru feels Kamui's energy easing and dispersing throughout his body. A small bit of Subaru's own energy had entered the boy surprisingly well. Likely due to the previous transfer of energy during that decisive battle. A pleasured rush flows through the older male. A part of himself within the one he loved, his heart skipped a beat.
The calmer male's ki was soothing and guiding the tense feelings within Kamui to release. The twists and turns of the boy's body quickly soothed. The body went compliant until it fully leaned back into the comforting figure behind it.
Kamui's breath hitches, his mind feels dizzy. With the pain gone, he was too aware of this intoxicating warmth encasing him. Sleep takes over.
Subaru breathed a sigh of relief. Indulging himself a bit in letting his lips stay pressed to Kamui's shoulder. He breathed Kamui in. The boy's natural scent left him calm and enamored; sleep became inescapable.
Kamui arose first, oblivious to his protector's actions during the night. Shimmering eyes reflected a bluer hue than before, he wiggled away from the loosened yet stubborn hold around his body. He smiled a bit shyly, warmth taking over his features seeing his protector's sleepy face.
The tired boy only knew he had that nightmare-which seemed to stop and shift, to a short yet embarrassingly good pleasure-filled dream. He swore he could feel someone calling for him, hot breath ghosting over him which made it feel so real, intense.
Kamui hid his burning face in his hands. Shame overwhelmed the sensitive male. He hoped he didn't bother the man sleeping beside him.
Subaru was way too kind and patient with him. He thought about telling Subaru he could sleep in the adjacent room, but all the Same, Kamui knew he couldn't bear to.
The thought of sleeping alone was terrifying on its own. Yet, there was something worse, the deep-seated pang of loneliness overwhelmed him the longer he entertained the thought. Not being close, feeling one he cared for deeply nearby was painful
He managed to sleep on his own a few of the nights during the month when Subaru was given late work assignments. Albeit terribly so. But purposely sleeping alone when there was a perfectly warm and gentle Subaru nearby would be torturous.
"I'm sorry," Kamui quietly apologized. As much as he wished for Subaru's sleep, he couldn't stand changing things.
Hopefully, his sleep would get easier to deal with. For both their sakes.
"Thank you…" Kamui whispered, leaning down so their foreheads kissed. A pleasant rush flooded through the younger male. Safety, comfort, and something incredibly warm he couldn't place. He lingered a bit on the sleepy face of his protector.
The younger male curled his fingers into the strands of dark hair, combing through it. A small smile surfaced. He waited a few moments for the other to hopefully arise.
Sadly for both Kamui and Subaru both the latter had yet to wake up much till much later.
Hands instinctively grasped and reached to feel a sleeping figure at his side. When he grasped the air, he immediately shot up. He bolted up from his bed and breathed only when he saw the small scribbled out note on the bedside time.
Left for school. Please rest as long as you need to. Please, please don't worry.
Subaru laughed a bit looking over the note. Kamui's constant reassurance, even when they both knew each other too well, it was adorable. God, I'm hopeless. Subaru berated himself.
His eyes turned towards the green-lit up numbers. The clock beside the note indicated it was 7:39 meaning there was a small chance Kamui hadn't left yet.
Disheveled, exhausted, and slightly dazed, the lovesick male rushed out the door of the room and down the stairs.
Kamui was sitting calmly on the sofa. He held a steaming mug and pressed the contents of the drink to his lips. His school bag rested at the side of the couch.
The boy's curious gaze shifted from whatever he watched on the TV screen and to the sound at the staircase.
"I'm sorry, I tried to be quiet so you could sleep more," Kamui expressed, his smile falling with guilt. And after everything, he's done to help me.
Subaru shook his head. "You didn't wake me," he assured, with a tender sleepy smile. The sleepy man walked further out. He closed a good part of the distance between them, standing beside where Kamui was seated on the couch. Subaru yawned, covering his mouth with his hand.
Kamui's lips quirked at the feline-like yawn stretching out the man's mouth to a wide oval shape. An image of a lion, one that had to be incredibly kind-hearted, yawning, and curling up flooded his mind.
"I wanted to see you off," Subaru expressed gently, leaning down to kiss the crown of Kamui's head.
The smile on the younger male's lips widened. He felt warm.
"Thank you."
Subaru shifted his attention to the TV curiously. Images of vibrant and elegantly drawn characters filled the screen. Two of them left, leaving a pair of male students sitting alone outside on a grassy hill. An eyebrow rose curiously, as the two boys, held their hands together tightly.
"What's this?" He gestured to the screen. Simply, interested. Another yawn followed.
"Oh... Um…" Kamui's eyes widened, he looked up helplessly. He had been caught, totally forgot he was watching something this sappy. Being into a series this sappy. His face flushed a beautiful shade of scarlet that left his admirer helpless.
"It's ah. Well, Yuzuriha… r-recommended this a-anime series. It's from one of her favorite m-manga and it recently got an anime so..." Kamui explained cautiously, his voice rose a few octaves higher. Well, she had recommended the series initially. The manga engaged Kamui enough where he quickly caught up with it and found out about the anime adaptation. And OVAs, drama CDs, and movie news.
"Ah," Subaru said simply, a bit dazed. He went a bit breathless seeing Kamui so cutely flushed, this time knowing exactly what made his crush so embarrassed. He honestly didn't catch all the words Kamui said, too honed in on the movement of those soft plush lips. He got the gist of it.
"Y-yeah…" Kamui gulped, he turned to the side and awkwardly cleared his throat. When Kamui's gaze turned back to the screen, he reddened further. The abashed boy felt his face combust, as the couple on the screen started to hold each other close and move into a languid and loving kiss.
Worst of all he could feel the older male's gaze on him. Kamui couldn't bother to look up, at least until the commercial break began.
Subaru didn't comment, looking fondly over the boy. Quite liking to indulge upon this cute, and flustered side of Kamui. A Kamui so deeply flustered by light romance. The boy's innocence stirred something more… primal inside the older man which he quickly fought down. His eyes hungrily took in Kamui, catching him watching the show with bashful interest and flushing over a simple kiss scene.
Then again, it's not like Subaru was any better. In his defense, the scene hit a little close to home. His glossy eyes had been lingering on Kamui's lips for quite some time and then looked up only to see two young men kissing on screen. The couple held hands, fingers laced neatly and intimate in the same exact way they always did.
"I ah… Sh-should pro-probably start heading out for school." Kamui stuttered out, with an entrancing heat burning from his neck up.
Kamui turned off the TV, mentally took notes to re-watch the episode, privately, as the credits rolled. Kamui bowed his head which made his housemate give an amused look. He felt himself burning. He had to take a deep breath.
"I'll see you later today," Kamui expressed, a bit more composed than before. He hurriedly reached down, avoiding eye contact, and grasped his school bag, slinging it over his shoulder.
Though he wasn't so graceful getting over and heading to the doorway. Tripping over seemingly nothing, he felt strong arms catching him and being pressed to a familiar chest. The warmth and heartbeat attacking his senses nearly made him purr.
Kamui blamed all of this on that dream…making him more flustered, more sensitive than usual over everything.
The blushing student went to the door. He slipped his feet into the glossy new school shoes.
"Have a good day," Subaru called for him, walking up closely behind the flustered boy.
"Take care. I'll see you soon., Kamui," his voice came out husky, deep, and painfully close to Kamui's burning ears. Kamui shivered, the feeling all too similar to what happened in his dream.
Kamui's eyes widened at the closeness. He felt that hot breath so close to him, it left him lightheaded. And God, did his voice just have to come out like that? He felt his knees buckling. It wasn't helpful he was so sensitive after that dream.
What was wrong with him today? Waking from embarrassing dreams alone had been driving him mad enough. Now it felt like he'd combust to the simplest gestures of affection.
"I will! Ah, you too!" Kamui finished and hurriedly went out the door letting it close behind him. He hadn't bothered to look back, embarrassment, and shame reddening his features. His heart pounding, much to Kamui's dismay and confusion. Everything else ached, he felt himself burning up. If only it was from something simple, like a cold.
Subaru absently licked his lips, quite enamored with whatever just occurred between them. He doubted either would bring it up again… But… For right now he'd let it linger.
His mind wandered to a blissful alternate reality, one where emotions were requited. Where he could take in the innocent and flustered Kamui, greedily. He'd pin the heated boy to the couch, and give him a kiss far more passionate and ten times deeper than what he'd just witnessed on screen.
And… He absolutely had it cut it there!
Subaru groaned, and fell back to the couch, painfully fighting down arousal. Just the thought of kissing the one he loved… affected him this much.
At least, Kamui had gotten enough sleep and would be doing well today. He seemed alert enough to have a good day back at school.
The older male let his head fall back against the couch groaning even more miserably.
The nightmares alone were exhausting enough. Yet, those kinds of dreams, while seldom and short-lived, pushed his sanity further to the edge.
Kamui was far too reactive in his sleep. The older man thankfully had the self-control of a saint. Having trained years to calm his mind, body and spirit helped tremendously. His skewed moral compass at least worked in some directions. His moral code wouldn't let him do anything that made Kamui uncomfortable.
Subaru loved sleeping beside Kamui. He so found himself tortured by his desires...and the way Kamui unconsciously brought them all out. Those writhing hips, flushed cheeks, and labored breaths made their admirer go weak and delirious.
He knew Kamui was thinking of another man. Yet, even still he couldn't fight off his natural urges. If anything it made him overcome with possessiveness. To seduce. To steal away the person he wanted. He often had to get out of bed when those dreams got too much. Which followed up with him turning to the bleary violet eyes. Overcome with guilt, he had already woken up his desired one he'd relent to his usual excuse.
"I'm just going to the bathroom…" Subaru would assure. Kamui nodded, as always. Yet, he never went back to sleep, always sitting up, waiting patiently, sometimes playing with his hands absently. Those wide orbs of violet-blue would stare off sadly, at the closed door. He kept waiting till his sleeping partner, and source of safety returned.
Subaru had at least become efficient at cooling himself in a record time. Often breathing in deeply, calming his mind in a meditative state he, until now, reserved for particularly intricate divinations or exorcisms. Yet, here he was… using it for something like this.
He didn't have any better options. Returning back to see a soft, longing Kamui waiting up for him, made him forget all tension he had earlier.
Now, though, finally alone and certain Kamui wouldn't overhear or suspect more. Subaru could return to take a very long, cold shower.
"This may seem sudden, but we are glad to have a returning student transferring to class." The bright-eyed and quite joyous teacher declared.
The instructor appeared to be somewhere in her 40s. Her cherry-red hair was tied off to the side. Her outfit was covered with countless colorful flowers. Kamui felt his lip twitch, thinking Yuzuriha and her would get along well. Matching energies.
Kamui thought of a protagonist's mother from an old TV series. She clapped her hands together and beamed, her attitudes and expressions very welcoming and cheerful.
Shirou, Kamui.
The aforementioned student quickly wrote up his name on the whiteboard in class. He took a deep breath and turned towards the class.
"Hello. I'm Shirou Kamui. I'm grateful to be returning to, CLAMP academy. It's nice to meet you all." He finished with a shaky half-smile.
The second he stopped the class erupted with sounds and chatter. Countless, "Oohs" and "awes" fell from the lips of male and female students alike. While a few quieter admirers looked from afar, flushing and ducking down into their seat pretending to go back to reading.
There even were several students eagerly patting and offering a seat beside them. His shaky orbs of violet-blue flew open further in relief. He heard a familiar and comforting voice.
"Hey, Kamui! Over here!" His friend, Keiichi called to him, quite loudly. Well, quite a bit boisterous but still comforting.
It seems he managed to attract several outgoing friends to himself. Ones who seemed to draw attention to themselves, purposely. Which helped when there was way too much anxiety brewing from the attention directed his way.
He nodded to his fellow classmate. His eyes lit up with thanks. Kamui swiftly made his way to the adjacent seat, careful not to lock eyes with the many admirers. Audible sighs came from the classroom at that.
. Many students were looking off dejected, and others seemed a bit too determined. A fire lit in their eyes. Kamui hoped to somehow douse that fire out.
Kamui returned back to school life a few days ago.
Several weeks (which he compromised with his very protective housemate and school director on) was the minimum time for him to stay home and recover…
He recalled the morning of the first day back, fondly.
"You're sure it's not too early for this?"
Subaru questioned a bit… sadly? His hands were busy smoothing out his uniform. And possibly lingering, wanting to keep Kamui close. Those dual-toned gems of eyes kept themselves gazing over the nervous student's features. Subaru simply smiled. His featured aglow cast in through the window behind him, making him all more ethereal.
"I'm sure… I think it might be a nice change of pace…" Kamui answered nervously, absently chewing on his bottom lip.
Sparkling mixed eyes followed the movement of his beloved's lips. Kamui's nervous habit. Subaru's mouth went a bit dry. Pupils dilated widely. Subaru had to turn away. His coughed into a fisted hand, partly shielding the flush.
Lips parted as though to say more, but the older male closed them shortly after.
Kamui's nose and bubblegum-pink lips scrunched up. His petite milky white hands were struggling with the dark tie around his neck.
"Here, let me help you…"
He offered quickly and eagerly. Hands already on Kamui before he finished his sentence. He was quite a bit nostalgic after seeing Kamui's clumsily fumbling and twisting the fabric into knots.
"Thank you," Kamui expressed quietly, his eyes shifted down to his uniform. The student's finger absently found itself twirling a long strand of hair that had fallen in front of his face.
Dual-hued eyes lit up, following with interest as Kamui brushed a strand of hair behind his ear. "Sorry… to have to burden you with this again. I haven't really got it down, and I'm really really bad at so many of the-"
He planned to continue but soon found the movements at his uniform stopping completely. Hands clasped firmly at the boy's shoulders pulling him closer. Emerald and gold orbs seemed to deepen and steel themselves. A smile turned to a bothered frown. Angelic facial features fell, firmer, and more serious.
"Kamui…" His protector breathed out softly, something searing in his eyes. The younger male's eyes shivered and shifted away, feeling something incredibly strong in that gaze.
It was a look Kamui had not been used to before. Not with Subaru. Not directed at him.
"Please don't…" He pleaded, for something, his voice deeper, far more breathy. "I…" he paused again. He looked down with frustration and breathed a heavy sigh.
Words seemed to fail at the moment, so he pulled Kamui closer. They could feel each other's warmth again. The near embrace was not as close as usual, but enough to clearly see Kamui's face. Those beautiful reactions. His hands came back to rest at Kamui's shoulders
"Kamui…" The husky, deep tone shook him to his core. A shiver raced down his spine. Unsure what to expect. His body mixed on what to make of the feeling.
"You have to know. You are never a burden! " Subaru expressed firmly, locking intense eyes with anxious blue-violet.
His very soul held deep-rooted anger, certainly not at all to the one he adored, but towards the doubts plaguing Kamui's mind. Hating the notion somehow Kamui could be anything but a miracle to this world.
His miracle…
He stopped the nervous male's self-deprecation. He was far too enamored to let anyone, even Kamui himself, talk poorly about the man he loves.
Subaru's long fingers grasped at the Kamui's chin, turning the boy's face to the side and up to look at him.
The older male took it all in. Quivering lips, flushed cheeks from their proximity, and eyes filled with uncertainty. Kamui clearly took his words with mixed feelings.
Subaru felt his heart slow a bit, worrying his words came out less assuring, less comforting than he planned. Anger at those same doubts slowly began to soothe, feeling the one he loved to stay close to him, grasping for a hand on his shoulder.
Kamui linked their hands perfectly, they connected. Instantly.
The one-hand still resting on Kamui's shoulder made its way to Kamui's cheek, caressing the smooth skin. He could feel the slight flush burning against his fingers.
Dual-hued eyes turned soft and bright. Fingers continued to keep brushing circles across the boy's face. Close he saw those violet eyes ease and relax, beautifully.
"Maybe those words didn't come out well enough. Or even were right at all…" Subaru lamented, pressing his lips to the boy's forehead briefly. "But my feelings within those words, to you, remain the same. Every. Single. One. I hate to hear you talk about yourself so poorly, because-Kamui I..."
I love you. "I care so much for you."
The fingers under Kamui's chin found themselves tangling in the locks of raven-black.
You make me happy, feel like myself again. You're always making my heart race, and skip beats as it did back then. "I am so happy to have you here."
I want you desperately. I need you like the air I breathe. "You'll never be a burden, and I'll always want to have you here."
With an elongated breath, Subaru pulled the hand away from Kamui's cheek, looking closely at the expression.
"Subaru…" Kamui's eyes sparkled bluer due to the sun's bright rays shining. A mix of gratitude and happiness could be placed… But their rest was an unknown, an untamed storm of emotions.
Kamui hadn't moved a step further back even when Subaru released him. That smile that brought light to a bleak world returned. Kamui frowned at the movement, locking eyes with the one whose heart he'd been given without his knowledge. Kamui came back, hugging the older man tightly in lieu of words.
Subaru smiled at that, hugging the boy close before he remembered what they were supposed to do.
"We should probably…"
They were practically flushed to each other. Both indulgent in the other's warmth. While certainly adored by both, it hindered the original plan to help Kamui. Which Subaru mentally berated on doing in the first place. But the thought of a stressed or worried Kamui being late for classes made his decision.
After a moment, his fingers reluctantly grasped for opposite ends of the black tie. He tugged the long fabric very gently to get Kamui's attention and cleared his throat.
"Oh," Kamui spoke and stepped back a few feet away. Violet-blue for eyes looked up fondly.
Subaru lips curved into a warm smile. One that seemed to mask something else beneath. Kamui couldn't imagine how to ask about it. He quickly turned back to watching his 'mentor' help him with his uniform.
A thought slipped out. "You must be used to wearing ties and formal wear. "
Subaru let out a rare laugh, softening every line and contour of his face. Kamui's hand found it unconsciously reaching out.
Something seemed to pop into the older male's head and he shook his head.
"Like you wouldn't believe," he began, voice lighter and more amused than before. "I doubt there's a kind of clothing I haven't found myself in." Subaru mused, his eyes glittering.
Kamui found himself entranced, pulled into gold and emerald pools, not wishing to leave even if it meant drowning right there. He was mirroring the smile. His heart started fluttering, hearing something surely from a most painful past.
"Really?" Kamui asked simply, a very open question, allowing Subaru to say as much or as little as wanted.
Subaru let out that same light, airy happy laugh. One he had locked away since his teenage years. Free from the personal hell that followed.
"Honestly! And of course, with my profession, there were/still are the ceremonial robes we wear. But there were constantly new outfits I was made to wear. Formal, casual wear, sportswear, spandex, often themed outfits with some brightly colored crop jacket, swimsuits, costumes… " Subaru listed them down, and rolled his eyes fondly at the memory. His pointer finger tapped his index finger to the tip of every finger repeatedly. While counting off he became lost in blissful memories of a kinder time in life.
"Definitely both, masculine and feminine clothes, dresses, skirts, school uniforms… It went on and on…" Subaru trailed off on his story, looking up as though in a pleasant daze. He helped Kamui with a final slide of the fabric, locking it into place.
Kamui hadn't even seen him look down once to see his handiwork, but it was already flawless!
All that seemed left to do was straighten it out. Subaru's fingers lingered there for far longer than needed.
"That must have been an experience," Kamui commented. His eyes stayed on Subaru, not seeing nor minding the hands gently pressed to his chest. He couldn't stop beaming, listening to the story. His imagination ran wild.
More importantly, entranced orbs of violet-blue fell deeper into Subaru. That soft, serene smile enveloped him. Subaru seemed unburdened, connected to a better time. That glow, small, yet meaningful smile on Subaru's face made him entrancing. Kamui hadn't let his eyes off of it, nor could he for the duration of his story.
"Yeah, it was…" Subaru commented absently. His mind wandered off for a moment. At least until he felt a familiar hand brushing over his face. He looked down at gorgeous, sparkling eyes, the soft hand on his cheek, and found himself quite preferring to experience everything Kamui.
Shyer than usual, the younger male corrected his actions. Everything was racing through his brain. He felt lightheaded. Kamui flushed wildly, retracting back the offending hand quickly. As though he hadn't done that before. As though he'd done something wrong.
Subaru hadn't time to reach for his hand before it was nervously tangled back at Kamui's side. His fingers twisting the fabric of his pants. He fought down the urge to steal that beautiful hand back and to insistently pull Kamui back to his arms. He'd kiss away any worries and doubts. His voice would speak tenderly, telling Kamui he loved his touches and they could… Definitely, in another universe.
Subaru shook his head. He needed to calm his heart and mind. Having Kamui in and out of his arms, seeing this shyer more awake Kamui coming close, it all made him weak in the best way possible.
He opted on the idea of just reaching for Kamui's hand and-
"Um. Subaru…" Kamui mentioned. He shifted a bit and kept his gaze down. A smaller hand did grasp for the ones still brushing up his tie and uniform.
Subaru tensed. Absently, his hand had lingered up brushing with innocent feather-light touches, trailing all across Kamui's collarbone and shoulders. And dear lord, he was entirely gone on the younger man.
His other hand placed itself flat and firmly over the left side of the boy's chest, feeling for that intoxicating heartbeat.
"S-sorry, Kamui," he cursed his stuttering. Subaru retreated both hands quickly and to the side. It seemed his self-control and awareness needed work.
"I...didn't mind it…" Kamui found himself muttering. Seeing widening eyes, he quickly went to amend the situation. "I mean, It's fine. Y-You're always so kind…"
'Incredibly gentle.' Kamui's mind told him countless times since their meeting. He felt a little more warm than usual.
"Thanks again for helping me with this," Kamui expressed, softly, hands fumbled with the tie he spoke of.
"It's no problem," Subaru assured. His eyes moved up and down towards the uniform top. Hands habitually straightened out everything seeming amiss. He gave a proud smile.
"I couldn't remember how to do it before…" Kamui lamented a bit, teeth nibbled at bubblegum-pink lips, testing their watcher's patience.
"That's natural I didn't really explain just how to tie a tie…" He paused. "Nor did I this time." Subaru surmised, and smiled quite apologetically.
"Mn-Mn, " Kamui hummed, head shifting gently to each side. "It's alright I couldn't pay attention back then anyway."
"Well, it's understandable," Subaru told him, eyes giving off more warmth by the second. They seemed to find refuge with Kamui.
"I couldn't this time either." Kamui's eyes fluttered slowly, half-lidded eyes went soft. His hand kindly grasped for Subaru's own which was welcomed instantly.
"Again, with everything…" His voice trailed off.
"I… think I have trouble because when you were talking to me, it was hard to pay attention to what you're doing. N-not that it's anything on you. I…" He hesitated not grasping his own words. His tongue darted out to lick dry lips, making them glisten. Subaru silenced his disruptive thoughts screaming to 'Kiss him already!' "I just liked being able to see your face, so at ease. You just seemed so happy and I…" Kamui paused. He swallowed, mouth feeling dry. To his very core, he felt helpless to pull away even if it was something he actually wanted to do.
Kamui was filled with a vulnerable-frightening kind of feeling inside. One pushed to the backburner.
Blue-violet orbs glistened, unable to pull away. his eyes always came right back to look up at the taller make. "I k-kinda got lost seeing you like that…"
Gold and emerald eyes blinked rapidly, finally, they stilled. Pupils blew up at the sweet admission that was purely Kamui.
Shimmering watery orbs darkened with desire. To protect, to immerse with love. To always keep the one he loved close. Subaru's heart went on a rampage. His words couldn't form. As his mind replayed Kamui's words over and over. And every time it drove his heart madder and madder. The lovesick man just kept falling and falling and falling further into Kamui's abyss. His hand squeezed Kamui's smaller one tightly. Hoping to calm himself.
Feeling the silence that followed. Kamui nervously added on. "I-uh… That came out way different than I planned. I… well you looked a bit happier than usual when you were talking. And it's nice.. . So I was glad, and I-well you know really I'm probably a bit tired… Too which helped me lose focus…"
The older male found himself burning hotter, further entranced by the incredibly bashful Kamui that kept stammering out some excuse. That was the one he loved, never pushing his thoughts or feelings on others. A fond little hum escaped his lips. Subaru had no audible comments.
Kamui's previous and clear words were already embedded in his heart and mind. Unfortunately for Kamui, his words, embarrassing or not, would stay with Subaru until the day he died, maybe beyond that.
Kamui only saw a hand at his hip and upper back, before he was snatched up. Subaru tightly hugged the smaller boy against his body. Arms quite at home around Kamui's back and petite waist. The arm around Kamui's middle remained and kept him close, while his other arm moved. That very tender hand-pulled Kamui's head to his chest.
"I have a lot of memories, Kamui...some good some bad.." Kamui squeezed his hand. Subaru fought down the urge to kiss that soft hand in his.
"And yes some do make me happy," He soothed, fingers tenderly threading his fingers through the silky hair. "But… There are also things that make me happy in the present."
More like one person but…
Kamui looked up with foggy eyes, as though lost in some dream. "I'm glad," he returned softly.
"And I want to make a lot more memories…" Subaru finished, adding nothing further. Lips kissed the shorter males temples.
Kamui transfixed on the mystery swirling in those eyes. He hugged the taller man back strongly, a bit overwhelmed to feel he could stay balanced on his own.
The shelter around him felt unbreakable. Soothing warmth and silence left them in their own state of bliss.
Only a quick glance at the watch, still resting on Kamui's hip, made his eyes widen. Reality crashed in.
"Crap! I-I really have to go now. I'll see you Subaru?" Kamui bowed in apology. He reluctantly pulled from the embrace. "H-have a good day!" he finished, quickly heading to the door and slipping his shoes on.
The flushed student found himself rushing out of the house without much thought. Much to the fond amusement of his "housemate".
Subaru held up the schoolbag still placed beside the couch. He waited patiently for the student to return, holding the bag out in the air, swinging it by the doorstep.
"I-ah… " Kamui hurriedly opened the door feeling flushed and out of breath. The older male looked down at Kamui with a small bemused smirk.
He held out the bag for Kamui, knowingly. "Right, thank you!" He grasped his forgotten schoolbag, and finally headed out the door.
He was surprised he managed to find his way to school after everything that's been happening. His head in the clouds and asking one thousand questions.
Any injuries, deep or shallow, had healed remarkably fast, within days. Awakening as the "true" Kamui brought out a significant amount of power within him. His body was healed to a strong and healthy state. Unfortunately, those powers did nothing for his psychological state.
"Hey! Kamui!" An exuberant voice called for him. Kamui, turned knowing the cheerful brunette was close by.
"Keiichi?" He paused.
"You don't have any plans yet for lunch right?"
Kamui shook his head. A beaming smile widened all across his classmate's face. The bright brunette clasped Kamui's hand in his own.
"Come on then!
"Ah-whoa- wait!" Kamui attempted to no avail. He soon found his eyes studying the hold over his hand. The simple clasp held firmly and warm. More insistent on dragging him away than lingering there. A similar feeling came when he spent time with Yuzuriha.
Keiichi led them to the lavish clamp cafeteria. Kamui absently picked whichever bento was closest to him, lost in thought. Thankfully it seems his friend didn't notice nor mind that.
Frustration scrunched up lines all across Kamui's forehead. He couldn't place why it felt so different when it was with him. Even this morning, before slowly letting go of his roommate's hand there was just something -
. His friends all had different connections with him… But still. It was so very different from…
Kamui breathed a sigh. His friend looked back worriedly and Kamui waved it off. Maybe it was just something with Subaru. They were the closest to each other after all. Lost the two people they loved most in the world. So of course, they'd connect differently. Strongly.
Things seemed to calm down, they walked by a familiar-looking fountain. They sat across from one another at a table far back. Thankfully, away from curious eyes from unneeded admirers.
"It's really nice to see you again, Kamui," he responded, taking out the chopsticks from the freshly prepared lunch. Something CLAMP school could certainly boast about. He grasped for an egg roll and brought it to his lips.
"Mhmm," Kamui paused, seeing his friend joyfully taking several bites of his food and lighting up. He smiled at that, despite everything Keiichi seemed to pull through, find joy in every little bit of life.
"It's kind of… a weird feeling coming back here after…" Blue-violet eyes flowed with a trembling emotion. Kamui fought it down and grasped for the can of soda beside him. He squeezed the can tightly. "So much time."
Amber, eyes looked over the troubled teen. He opened his mouth, hesitating to ask. But even in a short time, he learned, Kamui needed time to sort things out. Whatever has been going on.
"Are you enjoying your classes this semester?"
"Yeah," Kamui answered. "It's a bit overwhelming at times catching up but… Not all bad."
Keichi's lips curved up. "That's good then. I'll be happy to study with you sometime if you'd like."
A small nod followed. "Thank you."
"It helps knowing someone here…" Kamui professes shyly, not quite used to opening himself, hesitant eyes fall down to his bento lunch.
"I'm glad we're in a lot of the same classes," Keiichi expresses sincerely another beaming grin graces his lips. He grasps some of the rice and vegetables with his chopsticks. A hand places on his cheek while he takes a bite. Lost in thought for a moment before asking.
"And you have another friend who transferred too, right? Nekoi I think? "
Kamui nodded, lips curving slightly ."Yeah, Yuzuriha Nekoi. She's held up working on some classwork in the library. But I'll have to introduce you two."
"I look forward to it," He professed, easing and assuring a light atmosphere.
"Yeah, I think you'll get along…" Kamui added on. "She's a great friend." He fully smiled, feeling comfortable having two kind-hearted (even if a little exuberant) friends on campus.
"So you are both staying at dorms again.?"
Kamui's hands fiddled with the chopsticks in his hand, stirring the food absently. "Yuzuriha is," he stated.
"Oh? Where are you staying then?" Keiichi questioned quite curious.
"Off-campus," Kamui added, lost in thought.
His friend laughed gently."Well, I assumed so if not in the dorms…" He waved his hands in front of himself. Kamui pouts. "I mean you don't have to answer if it's too personal. I was just wondering…" The brunette rubbed at the back of his neck.
Kamui shook his head. "No, it's alright. I have a home, a bit on the outskirts of Tokyo. Still not too far off though."
"On your own or… ?" He trailed off, apprehensive to assume more, but still desiring to know as much as he would be granted. His amber eyes fell overlooking further for answers, a bit worried about his friend's potential solitude.
"No," Kamui answered with a fondness he hadn't expressed before. Certainly, not in front of Keiichi. His eyes brightened the specks of blue in his eyes which mirrored the sky above. The bright sun above lit up his soft violet irises. They absolutely sparkled a beautiful amethyst. Kamui's lips shyly curled up into a blissful and content smile.
"That's good. Who are you staying with?" He inquired lightly, curious as to who could make the normally withdrawn man give out such emotion.
"Subaru," Kamui's lips brushed out incredibly tender and soft. That smile stained his lips, it didn't seem to slip for the life of him.
His friend fought off the urge to audible aww, feeling overwhelmed with gratitude, someone led Kamui to smile like that. Kamui had someone he cared for like that.
"Subaru…" The brunette thought back to earlier this year. Subaru…Subaru….A finger tapped at his chin absently. Suddenly, Keiichi's amber eyes lit up. He recalled several study dates he'd interrupted his friend on. Guilt always racked up as he separated the pair. There was that beautiful college student who looked at Kamui so sweetly.
Discovery made!
"That's wonderful! A really great step!"
"Great step?" Kamui blinked. His smile shifted a bit apprehensive. Worry lines marked his forehead.
"Right!" He agreed, nodding profusely. His hands clasped together cheerfully. He beamed at Kamui.
How could I forget? Keiichi mused. "So, your boyfriend! How is he doing?" Keichi asked with nothing else but pure interest and compassion. His friend could sense that, but...
Kamui's eyes widened a bit, his lips parting speechless. Unusually clumsy fingers dropped the utensils in his hand and the food along with it.
A thousand emotions pounded through his chest and he didn't think any of them placed the feeling that came to mind. He felt blood rush up through his features.
"W-What?" Kamui asked innocently, truly lost on the assumption. His face scrunched up, quite baffled.
"Oh, I said how is your boyfri-"
"No, no, n-no I heard that part!" Kamui interjected louder than he planned, voice cracking and anxiousness flooded all over. A few curious stares were given to the pair of friends. Kamui flushed a deeper pink and attempted to hide away, sliding further down his chair.
"It's not like that…" Kamui assured, in a quiet hushed voice, hoping his friend would take the hint.
His friend looked perplexed before his lips turned to a deep frown. His hands were lifted up in apology, his head bowed. "Oh gosh! I'm sorry. Did you guys break up?! "
Or maybe not.
Kamui let out a groan, covering his face with his hands, and sliding further down, near the table in front. Several heads turned towards the pair at the outburst. Many of them looked quite hopeful.
Kamui found himself wishing he could vanish. His blush burned scarlet. He hung his head. A groan fell from his lips.
He waited until he saw the stares shifting away from the corner of his eyes.
Kamui ran his hand through his hair, nervously. He closed his lips, swallowing evidently in his throat. His voice is hushed to a whisper.
"No, we are not together like that. Nor were we. Ah, Subaru is a… close friend ." Kamui explained, feeling a bit of a bitter feeling clenching in his stomach. He didn't know how to explain it… There was some word for it.
Probably.
Something that he only had with Subaru.
Keichi's is eyes glossed over with worry. Something didn't seem exactly right about his friend's words. Or more so the way they were said, so lost, hesitant. The frown on Kamui's face, made his chest ache.
"I'm sorry. I just assumed like that," he expressed, careful to keep his voice quiet and careful. "But anyway I'm glad you both are very close. You can live with someone you really care about ."
Kamui eased a bit at the words, tense worry lines on his forehead washed away. A familiar smile returned. "Yeah, we are. I'm… really glad he's in my life."
Countless memories ambushed his emotionally driven mind. His protector. Those gentle smiles, touches, embraces the way his jewel-like eyes would bore into him so tenderly.
His rainbow after the rain. Kamui's eyes stared off a bit, eyes glazed over in a dream-like trance.
"I'm glad." Keiichi left it there, not wanting to rock the boat. He figured Kamui would open up if and when he sorted things out. His mind shifted to a simpler topic.
"You're taking Home ec with one of Akira's former students right? Ahh! I wanted to take that class so badly but it'll have to wait for next semester! What do you think you'll start learning?"
Kamui smiled, eyes falling and stilling in relief for the change of subject. Quite enjoying the lighthearted atmosphere.
Those bright lights on the bullet train felt blinding. Subaru groaned, the lack of sleep not unusual for him but still, headache-inducing. Granted he far preferred a lack of sleep due to comforting Kamui, over all-nighters at work. Easily.
Lips quirked up at the thought. Even while exhausted, there was something so full of life in him, something he hadn't felt in nearly a decade. It came out at the thought of the one he loved. Gold and emerald eyes light up and shimmered. They shined brilliantly, rivaled the very gems they mimicked.
Glancing down at the silver watch on his hand indicated he'd only boarding, the train for 5 minutes now. Still quite a few kilometers from the destination.
Even in his absence, the Sumeragi name alone kept him swamped. Turning on his phone, he winced, seeing there had been 3 missed calls since his last job.
And after already accepting two additional jobs than planned. The words of concerned friends and family begging him to help their loved one was hard to refuse. He knew he felt weak at the sound of those clients being "haunted" after losing their significant other…
Subaru couldn't change his own losses, but if there was a possibility to change another's fate, to give them a bit more time with the one they loved, he would try.
Though he knew where his priorities lie. He'd drop any job if the one he loved needed him. Subaru was not sixteen. Not a martyr. Not taking on more than he could stand. The jobs he already did take on were tedious and longer than expected.
This meant coming home late. Less time with Kamui. The tired male sighed, eyes blinking slowly, as he held the phone near his ear. Several voicemails followed, thankfully none sounding panicked. He would leave the other assignments to someone else in the clan or hell another rivaling one.
It was something he wouldn't fathom considering as a teenager. His work duties taking, over literally everything.
His grandmother could berate him all she wanted if need be. The lack of sleep and Kamui made this non-negotiable.
He only put his phone down, before it vibrated again. He rolled his eyes, glancing over the screen before those same eyes glossed over. Unbridled emotions flooded his features. All signs of exhaustion and irritation faded. He smiled helplessly.
Kamui.
Just seeing that in the notification made his heart skip a beat. He immediately unlocked it to read the simple message.
'Sorry I had to rush out this morning. Let's have breakfast together tomorrow! Have a good day at work.'
Helpless eyes swooned over the words over and over. A message most would consider ordinary already made his day. He clutched at his chest, as though his heart would truly try to break free and go to Kamui if he didn't hold it back.
His lips turned up ridiculously soft. His eyes scanned over the simple message, mind flooding with potential responses. His fingers kept typing and deleting on the screen's keyboard. Subaru pondered what to say, words that wouldn't give away how bad he had it…
"Aggghh, this seems impossible!" Kamui groaned. His arms went up in a dramatic fashion before they fell to the table. He mumbled something under his breath. The soft head of raven hair collapsed, his arms cradling and hiding his face.
Subaru looked down at the younger male. His eyes glistened with sympathy. Slender hands took the opportunity to brush their way and bury themselves in the splayed out mess of black hair.
Subaru smiled hopeless, liking the little hum that came from Kamui far too much. He indulged them both by letting his fingers work their magic and linger through the raven black locks. Soothing the one he loved. So this was bliss.
"Kamui," Subaru breathed his name and a sympathetic sigh. Fingers massage the boys aching temples, making Kamui ease into the touch. He looked up, bleary, tired eyes bore into the older man.
"You'll get through this. I know you'll be able to catch up," Subaru assured, bright confidence lifted his lips again. As cute as Kamui was being now… and as much he wanted to indulge in the younger male endlessly, he couldn't.
"I'll be here to help you the best I can every step of the way," he promised, darkening a bit with deep sincerity.
While looking up with those cute doe-like eyes sparkling like crystals, he knew he needed to concentrate and go back to help Kamui. Helping the struggling boy came first. Even above his want to continue seeing Kamui lean into his touch, and letting out those cute contented sighs that made him weak. He wanted Kamui to feel confident, to realize just how amazing he was. To see even a fraction of the limitless potential he possesses.
"Let's start with this problem here," Subaru started. He grasped a pencil and tapped the tip of it to a long word problem on the page. "I know these seem intimidating," he started up lightly circling the mini-essay on the page. "First, let's read through the whole problem again, and then we need to break it down to the keywords from there."
Kamui looked up at him with sparkling blue-violet orbs. His eyes stayed on the older man lingering with admiration.
You always say you're not an ideal to help with this but to me… Kamui's thoughts wandered off, a bit of a dreamy smile stained his lips.
"Kamui?" Subaru called out to him, squeezing the boy's hand to break him out of the trance.
"W-What?" Kamui asked innocently, still in a bit of a daze. He did squeeze the hand in his own back tightly.
"We'll start by reading through it again," Subaru brought him back.
"Out loud?" Kamui's voice shook, his eyes widened.
"If you'd like, you're welcome to read it to yourself," Subaru offered kindly, hand still lingering on the one he loves.
"N-no it's fine," Kamui assured with very little confidence. "I think I might focus better just reading it out loud. "
Subaru's eyes brightened at that. "Go ahead then, when you're ready."
"The C-cost for the average streaming service is…" Kamui's voice started a bit shaky. He continued on forward.
Subaru's lips turned up to the point where they ached, his smile entirely hopeless and amorous. He rested the side of his face on his palm, listening, and watching attentively.
You're way too cute. Subaru thought with frustration, surprised he hadn't fallen for Kamui long ago, well maybe he had… he knew he wasn't in the right headspace to understand himself then.
Awareness of his own emotions was never his strength. Once again, Hokuto had been the one to wake him up, to help him find what he needed to protect. Before having a future beyond his original wish was never even considered.
Now...he saw his new future right in front of him. It didn't hurt like hell, just made his heart skip several beats. He felt himself go so vulnerable and weak in the best way possible.
Mismatched eyes shined like crystals, lingering over every small habit of the student. The way his nose scrunched up when reading through and deciphering the text. Those beautiful eyes were deeply concentrated, narrowing down at the paper. His lips pursed to form a serious expression.
What would she think of Kamui? Subaru couldn't help but ponder, not noticing the concerned eyes nearing his own, nor his hidden love leaning over the table. He certainly did not see how dangerously close Kamui was coming until it was too late.
Subaru's mind stuttered. It was so-so easy to do what he wanted. He felt Kamui's warm breath over his lips, and all but fell back from his sitting position. Crimson burned into his expression, he felt the fire in his blush.
"K-Kamui?"
"Is something wrong, Subaru?" Kamui asked, eyes laced with concern and innocence.
"N-no sorry," Subaru cleared his throat, barely fighting the blush down to a mild pink hue.
"Okay…" Kamui's eyes lowered, his lips curled down and plush together.
He could just hear his sister, and probably grandmother as well, berating him for acting like that. Again denying himself, trapped by the fear of letting his truth out into the open. Keeping it all locked away. He didn't know what to say to Kamui that wouldn't be a lie nor reveal too much.
"I'm alright, I kind of got lost in thought…" Subaru professed, eyes turning apologetic, a bit watery.
"Oh," Kamui said as though solving something, suddenly focused solely on the paper and textbook in front of him.
"It's nothing… Ah disheartening," he winced at his words but thinking up no better alternative. "I guess I sometimes get caught up, overthinking all the what-if's…" his voice softened by the word.
"There's just… With everything that's happened I feel… Lost and I was thinking...no feeling that I-I have things now that make me happy-you just-when I think back to- but I aghh-I don't know what I'm saying.."
Vulnerability, set in. Yet, it wasn't breaking him. For the first time in far too long, he felt safe, even while spewing out strings of words that made no sense nor connected. Kamui listened patiently, eyes turning a bit watery and his chest aching, seeing the older male struggle and look down at himself in frustration. He simply held tight to both of Subaru's hands, his hold incredibly warm, soothing.
"You can always talk to me, Subaru. With whatever you feel comfortable saying… But you don't need to push yourself."
I want to tell you everything, more than anything… His thoughts surfaced.
A gentle, barely visible curve of lips surfaced at the words. Kamui caught it and returned it incredibly shyly.
Kamui…
His worries were already easing. It was almost frightening.
"Thank you, Kamui," Subaru professed, He began unlinking and linking their hands. I
Intertwining their fingers differently. He couldn't help but feel content at the sight of those beautiful hands allowing him to connect, to join with his own.
"I didn't really do anything… " Kamui hushed, turning away quite shyly and pink. The sight of gentle hands embracing and maneuvering his own was a great distraction.
"You're here," Subaru at last, explained and to the point where he felt his heart ready to overflow saying even the start of another word.
Kamui's mind scrambled for an answer. His violet eyes blinked several times over, full eyelashes fluttered. A porcelain face scrunched up, concentrating, similar to when he was solving earlier problems.
Kamui's mouth pressed up to a bit of a pout, before his eyes lit up, and broke out in an angelic smile.
"I'm really happy you're here, Subaru," Kamui confessed barely above a whisper, his hands feeling a little shaky.
Subaru's eyes lifted at the admission, shivering mismatched orbs soon settled to a calm yet longing gaze.
Kamui's eyes had shifted, to his hands, only to feel them caressed by incredible soft, gentle fingers. His hands were soon grasped. Kamui looked back up to see tender eyes caressing him. . He felt incredibly soothed, but he wished his hands would stop shaking already.
Yet, it became long forgotten as he felt lips gingerly press to his forehead, somehow feeling even more intimate than usual. The brief touch warmed him, soothing his thoughts, and melting worry lines from his face. Subaru pulled back and smiled so sweetly at Kamui, he felt his chest ache.
Violet-blue fell into gold and emerald orbs, both sets lit up and sparkling like diamonds. Both males remained in the comfortable yet unspoken silence, taking quite some time before they went back to what they were supposed to do.
A month into January passed the fated year. Kamui looked outside his window from his desk. His teacher's lecture falling into the background.
Snow keeps piling up. Kamui sighed quietly, resting his cheek within his palm. Well, what it looked like from a distance. A benefit of the CLAMP academy was not having to worry about the cold winters or overly hot summers.
He pondered just when the last time was he actually cared for the changes of seasons.
He knew Kotori had a love for all seasons, but spring stayed her preference. The time seeing the birds out and flying free always brought a smile to her face.
Fuuma seemed unburdened by the cold, and even extreme summer heat. Maybe...he acted that way to look strong, impressive in front of Kotori and himself. Kamui smiled bittersweet at the thought, preferring to interpret it exactly that way, hoping Fuuma did it far more for him than any other.
He pondered if Subaru liked snow or even cared at all for the seasons.
Subaru…
Kamui's gaze turned back to the board, relieved to see his teacher was seemingly oblivious, turned to the virtual whiteboard screen, as she wrote up notes, and bullet points from the last chapter.
Kamui turned forward in his seat. and started writing down the content absently. He scrutinized the symbols he wrote out, stuck on a thought from earlier this month.
"You have really beautiful… ha-handwriting."
Pink lips quirked up at the memory of his housemate during their grocery trip. It was almost embarrassing to think how much he genuinely enjoyed what was to most a mundane errand.
He'd be lying if he didn't say he'd been even more careful and aware of how he wrote, since that day. Never once did he even care for something so simple. Yet… It was beneficial for everyone, his teachers seeming happy at the clarity in his written work. Especially in comparison to more scrambled out papers they received.
The pain in his smile slowly soothed at past memories. Bittersweet lips soothed to a warm calmer smile
Painful memories. Happy memories. Things that make me 'happy' in the present…
Kamui reminisced, holding tight to each cherished moment he has surfacing to his mind.
Maybe the seasons were already changing…
"You smoke a lot don't you?" Kamui asked with a crestfallen face.
"Hm? Oh, does it bother you?" Subaru asked a bit distantly. Neither male met the other's eyes.
"No," Kamui waved it off. "But…" He looked up to meet the older man's eyes, ones always lingering with so much pain. Both orbs of emerald, at the time, looked dim, and ready to break.
"Don't you worry that it'll-" Kamui started with pleading eyes.
"It's fine. Some people find that smoking weakens their powers… But for me, it had the opposite effect."
Subaru's mind swirled with memories.
"I'm an idiot…" He reprimanded himself, still seeing those pained, concerned eyes still trying to reach him. Even while he was so far gone.
Subaru sat back in a chair on the private veranda. He eased with the site of there being no neighbors around the secluded home.
The reserved man craved the space all to himself, to breathe. To be alone. To stay guarded. Yet, for the first time in nearly a decade, he didn't want that.
He craved Kamui.
It was only hours, yet Subaru already missed him this much. He felt his chest ache, missing this morning's smile he had helplessly lingered over and fallen harder for.
Back early from his work, and left with nothing but his thoughts had made things tricky. He leaned his head back and stared up towards the dark sky above. The snow was piling up. His lips twitched a bit, thinking of Kamui and his friends comfortable with the ever-perfect temperature at Clamp academy.
Subaru breathed out slowly, hoping to calm his thoughts and… Everything. It helped some but… His dual-toned eyes glared at the cigarette in hand.
A year later, and still with this habit. Subaru found himself with a conundrum. His index and middle finger gracefully held the burnt stick up towards the air.
He could still see that pained smile on his crush's lips. Still, see how he would breathily rush towards the marble gazebo-one that had built a world just for the two of them. For countless afternoons.
"Look, Maybe It's not my business…but…"
Kamui looked down sadly. Glossy orbs of violet-blue darkened with worry. He didn't meet his 'tutor's' eyes just yet.
"Smoking's still bad for you." Kamui's voice was so tender, whisper-soft. He didn't even meet those emerald eyes, turning down so timidly it made something in the older man ache. The need to protect overwhelmed. Yet what was there to do when he was the culprit.
Subaru could feel the emotion in those beautiful eyes, the sincerity in Kamui's words.
He pushed the stub of cigarette to the ashtray, the smoke rising alongside his "pupil's" eyes.
"Let's get started." Subaru began, lifting up and opening the textbooks.
"Okay," he missed that sad, conflicted look given towards him. Unsure if he could or should say more. Some relief had fled seeing the man stopping his habit due to his words. Yet, guilt took over feeling he made him do so.
"Kamui…" Subaru hushed out, his mismatched gems of eyes glistened. He could see that soft, sad little line seaming at his current love's lips.
It's not as though neither he nor Kamui had to worry about the crippling side effects like others did. Being the Kamui and one born with immense spiritual powers, both had an alarmingly strong constitution.
Still, it wasn't good for him. Kamui's words always bore into his heart, even when he tried to shut all else out for his selfish wish.
Lately, it was terrifying and relieving. That last connection between himself and Seishirou seemed to slip away like the smoke dissolving to the air above. Cutting the ties between his past self and first love.
He exhaled another long drag, conflicted as he felt his hands shaking a bit. A mix of conflicted emotions was taking over his senses.
Seishirou….The one whose hands he wished to die by.
Kamui… The one whose heart he wished to live for.
He felt his powers running wildly. He flushed embarrassed at his loss of composure. He could still feel his powers flowing and merging inside the one he loves so much.
He was certain he built up a harmful lifelong habit, another step towards his self-destructive path to find the one who tormented yet somehow loved him.
Yet, it had only been a month. One month. 31 days. And he found his thoughts of the past, the piece of his heart that held Hokuto and Seishirou above all else, slipping from his grasp.
Since he brought Kamui home… The cravings to smoke were there but felt far more minimal. At first, he assumed he was too preoccupied with nurturing Kamui to act on his vices. Yet, it wasn't so at all. Even on his own, he'd rarely felt the need to smoke, far far less than he ever had since he first picked up the habit.
Yet, replacing those cravings came unwavering, terrifyingly strong desires. Certainly those kinds. But more so the need to protect, to hold the person he loved so close. To feel their presence. To feel the way his power and energy entangled with Kamui's own, so tightly bound within the younger man. Those cravings were maddening. Sometimes causing him to fall back in his bad habit, to calm him even a bit.
The lovesick man was struggling to keep his thoughts and feelings in check. Just wanting to confess absolutely everything to Kamui and kiss the younger man breathless.
Subaru had, in the past, kept his feelings hidden for far far longer. Never once speaking of what was in his heart, until he dived within Kamui.
Still, here he had been. After one final drag of the cigarettes, he crushed the stub within the ashtray. Snuffing out the flame, and leaving the man alone, with no vices to escape from his unwavering emotions.
Subaru knew his heart was a slave to love. Now, it was bound to the one who held his heart so dearly without even knowing. He knew all too well he was vulnerable and at Kamui's mercy...
Which, thankfully felt far safer and kinder than at the mercy of his first love.
"Again?" Subaru was brought out of his thoughts. The reflective man groaned at the soft beeping and vibrating sound. He reached towards the side of his coat, he pulled out his phone.
His nose scrunched up when clicking on the lock screen not taking in the message before entering the numbered code.
When he did finally open up to see his message, he felt his stomach doing flips. Gem toned eyes glimmered and lit up as they looked towards the name of the sender. The one contact who would bring such a painfully idiotic smile to his lips, that would leave his cheeks aching for hours.
Subaru, I'm sorry I had to rush to school so early today! Yuzuriha keeps asking me to say hi! So… I did. Hope you have a good day at work! I'll see you soon!
Lovelorn eyes scanned, over the message several times over. One most would shrug off with a quick reply, and go on their way.
Still, something so simple. Knowing that he had been on Kamui's mind. He felt the heat rising from his neck up. His heart was barraging with no mercy for its owner. Subaru whined before letting his arms cross and tall on the table. He pressed his buried, flushed expression in their hold.
Bzzz… Bzzz…
The sound of another message came through. Subaru reluctantly looked up from his cradling arms looking at the phone screen.
I miss you.
Gold and emerald eyes blinked and looked up and over the simple message.
Subaru's stomach tightened further and his heart raced more wildly to its owner's dismay.
He was nearly convinced Kamui was trying to kill him. And all he wanted to do was to love on him for it.
Utterly and completely at Kamui's mercy.
CHAPTER FOUR END