Warmth. Born in the south of Greece, heat never bothered her.
Warmth. She realized that she was beginning to run a fever and that something needed to be done, but the warmth was so soothing and attractive; it beckoned her with a promise of rest…
It was always there: deep inside, everyone had this warmth. Only once she looked into the cold darkness that was inside – the Hero's hell.
Oddly, she has never before looked inside herself, never felt her own warmth. In all the years of immersing herself in other people's, she never paused to think of how pleasant it was – to be alone, within herself and know that it was she, her warmth, her golden water, enveloping her from head to toe.
Water rocked her, like in a boat, soothing her. Xenia felt as though she was walking through golden water, warm waves touching her face. There was no need of breathing, no pain or fear.
It was like a walk in the park during summer heat. There were always many children there: they waded, knee-deep, and their laughter rang in the shimmering air.
Of course, she should have expected it – right before her, playing in the shining water, sat a boy. She stopped, then sat next to him, smiling at the black-haired angel.
"What are you doing?"
"Waiting for you," the light-green eyes enveloped her in yet more warmth.
"I am here," she reached out and stroked the child's unruly hair.
"That's good. I just wanted to say goodbye."
"Don't leave," she felt the chills in this world of warmth.
"Let me go."
"I can't."
"You must – then I shall return."
"Why do you have to leave?"
"I have given away too much of my strength," the clear eyes smiled up at her. "I am weak."
"And you cannot stay with me?" a salty drop fell on her lips.
"I can, but then we shall be together but for a short time. And then I wouldn't be able to come back, for I'll have used up all of my strength…"
"How short a time?"
"A little over a year. And it will be very sad," soft fingers touched her face. "Let me go, and I promise I shall return."
"When?" wetness in her eyes blurred the angel's features.
"In seven months. You will feel me once again, and then we'll be together, forever."
"Do you promise?"
"Of course," the child's smile was nearly blinding. "After all, I am yours; I already know you, and you – me."
"But it will be you and no other, right?" she was frightened by the very thought that this particular angel would leave her forever.
"Yes, it will be me," he snuggled up to her, smiling. "I will simply be a bit smaller. It is so great!"
"You think so?" she was stroking his hair, calmer now.
"Yes. I will probably be nearly the same age as the ginger boy."
"What ginger boy?"
"The one who's still waiting. I will go back to them and wait, too. He sits next to the silver girl. When I return, we all will be together forever."
"Are there many of you there, from where you came?"
"Oh, yes, hordes," the angel smiled, playing in the golden water. "Those closest to me are cute, many of them ginger, and some have green green eyes, like me. And when someone leaves, someone else takes the spot… Still, we know that we will see each other again, in the other world…"
"But you can return, can't you?"
"I can. But you must let me go, yourself, not hang onto me."
"How?"
"Take my strength, it will help you get well."
"I cannot do that," more salty drops on her lips.
"You can."
"He will suffer, you know," she stroked that familiar hair again.
"Not if you are with him; if you tell him about me."
"And what about me?"
"I shall be back."
"I believe you."
"Tell him that I love him. And you."
"Must you go now?"
She watched him stand up in the golden water, a smile on his lips.
"Yes."
"I'll miss you."
"We'll be together soon."
"Come back," she watched him walk slowly through liquid gold.
"So long, Mummy."
She started when he dissolved in the warm air; the water merely boiled up, scalding her.
Xenia sat up in bed even before opening her eyes. She felt rested, only her back tingled a little. Through the curtain that separated her cot from the rest of the room (she recognized at once Theo's study) penetrated daylight.
Next to the bed, his arms folded over his chest, sat James. He seemed to be sleeping but fitfully, as though even in his somnolence, he was watching out for her, worrying about her. His face was tense, lips pressed tight, cheeks sunken, without the usual blush. Poor deer, so exhausted…
The girl wrapped her arms around her, closing her eyes – the fatigue was gone, and she knew why. She probably ought to burst into tears, grieve, lose her appetite, but all she felt inside was quiet sadness and expectation.
He promised and so he would be back.
"Xenia?" the curtain was moved aside, and Theo came to her bedside. In his hands was his medical bag, and the healer looked concerned. "I thought you would be sleeping for a while yet…"
"I am alright," she smiled weakly. "Thank you. Are you going somewhere?"
"I was called to St. Mungo's. Lily has been found and, judging by what I know, she is not well."
"I am coming with you," Xenia promptly pushed aside her blanket and stood up. Her head swam a little.
"Come on, you've done enough already."
"Theo," she merely looked at him, and Theodic fell silent. "How was she found?"
"No idea," he turned his back while the girl dressed herself, trying not to wake James. "By the way, I put him to sleep."
"Is that right?" she fastened her cloak and located her wand.
"He refused to rest before knowing whether you and… the baby were alright," Theo's eyes were penetrating, and Xenia knew that sadness showed on her face. He showed that he understood without further words, with a mere nod. "I think that your cousin will need similar treatment."
Xenia smirked.
"I think we'd better wake him," the girl stroked James' tense face. Yes, he was tired and needed rest. But she so did not want to be without him. He must be at her side. Plus, he would be quite displeased at her leaving him behind, in a magic-induced slumber.
"As you wish," Theo extracted his wand from his inner pocket and pointed it at James. The chap started and then jumped right up, as though he had not slept a wink.
"What the…?!" he was quite cross with the healer and would have given him a piece of his mind right then, but for seeing Xenia, standing before him, smiling. "Xenie!"
James crushed her to him, kissing her hair.
"Are you alright? Why did you get up? Do you want…?"
"Jim, I am fine, really," she pulled back a little, looking into his eyes. "We'll talk later, alright? Now we must go help your sister with whatever is going on with her."
Her husband paused, as though pondering what was his top priority now, but then nodded his aquiescence, realizing that he was not being asked for his permission but rather simply informed.
"But I forbid you to tire yourself out just the same," he grumbled, gripping her cold hand.
He must be told yet… but not now, when he can finally get some peace from both her and Lily having made it to safety. He needs rest.
Theo left the room, and they heard his quiet voice somewhere to the side. He must have other patients.
"How are you feeling?" the brown eyes probed her. "Both of you?"
"We have to go," Theo tactfully remained to the other side of the curtain.
Xenia smiled at her husband and pulled him along. He followed her docilely, clearly too sleepy still to insist on answers.
They Apparated to the shop window with the manekins and soon found themselves in the hospital reception room. Xenia nodded at the healer on call who was registering the incoming patients, and hurried down the corridor.
They went up the stairs. James was leading the way to his sister's room. He was silent, his face concerned.
"He has seen Lily," came Theo's quite voice from behind her. "If not his worry for you, he would have stayed there."
"I know," Xenia nodded, grabbing a yellow coat from a shelf along the way and handing another one to Theo. "What's with her?"
"Memory Charm," was all Theo said.
Xenia stumbled, and James steadied her.
"She doesn't remember Malfoy," her husband whispered, and Xenia's breath momentariy caught in her throat. Merlin, how could he?! How could this man do this?! This would kill Scorpius! "Malfoy does not know yet."
They turned a corner into another hallway, and Xenia understood why her cousin was yet unaware of his wife not remembering him.
"Hey, what have you done to him?"
Xenia caught James' hand just in time, to prevent him from attacking two Aurors, who stood next to the immobilized Malfoy.
"Hello, Healer," the two men smiled affably at her. "It's been a while."
"Release him," Xenia motioned toward Scorpius, noticing out of the corner of her eye that Theo entered Lily's room.
"He was whooping," one of the wizards said apologetically. "You know the rules… He was told not to enter the room, and he did it anyway…," he rubbed his shoulder, as if still sore.
Xenia held James by the arm, knowing that he was itching to rush to his best mate's defence, and stared into Malfoy's eyes.
"He knows," she whispered, feeling the chills. Yes, Scorpius knew that Lily didn't remember him. As much as they all tried to keep it from him, he knew. It showed clearly in the dead stare of his almost black eyes. A terrible stare, boding no life, only death – to whom?
"Release him," growled James. Xenia thought that the most humane thing would be to Stun Malfoy altogether, to spare him all the feelings he was experiencing right now.
The two wizards looked at her, and she nodded, letting go of her husband's arm.
"Look after him," she whispered to James and hurried into the room, toward the sound of Lily's shriek. "Don't let him in there."
There were too many people next to Lily, in her opinion, and they all stared at the source of the commotion in pained confusion. Only Theo remained unperturbed, twirling his wand. At the sight of Xenia, Harry Potter rushed to her side and hugged her.
"Are you alright?" he stroked her golden hair, and the girl smiled gratefully at him. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Albus, sleeping in the corner, wrapped in his father's cloak. Even his sister's screaming failed to disturb him.
Lily was sat on the bed, her eyes full of tears. Her cheeks were flushed, her forehead wrinkled, as though in pain, her hands clutched into fists. She stared furiously at two wizards in Ministry robes, who stood by the far wall.
"Have them leave," Lily said calmly.
"Darling, listen," Harry sat on the edge of her bed, "they are the best expert in memory restoration after the Memory Charm."
"No! I won't!" her eyes narrowed. "I can't believe that you would suggest this, Daddy! They will not rummage in my head!"
Xenia turned towards Theo and smiled out of the corner of her mouth: he had been doing for some time now that, which Lily was so adamantly against. Judging from the look on his face, he was not finding anything encouraging…
"Lily…"
"Some psycho kidnapped me because this scoundrel Malfoy has done something rotten to him! This psycho digged around in my mind, for whatever reason! And now you want it to happen again?!" Lily winced at the new onslaught of pain. "Leave me alone!"
Harry hurried to embrace his weeping daughter. Xenia imagined how terrible Lily was feeling now; she could sense the girl's terror and indignation.
"Leave us," she ordered to the Ministry men. This was the St. Mungo's, and she had the authority to order them out. She and Theo had a job to do, and these two would ony be getting in the way. "I imagine you have plenty to do…"
The men glanced uncertainly at Harry Potter, who nodded. The door barely closed behind then, when James entered.
"I thought I'd asked you…" Xenia began, but she read the reply in her husband's face. "He heard everything, didn't he?"
James nodded, looking at his crying sister.
"Malfoy has left."
Lily shuddered, and she drew away from her father.
"A husband, indeed…," she snorted, calmer now. The very thought of Scorpius Malfoy's proximity must have kept her from relaxing.
"Theo?" Xenia turned to face the healer.
"I located the last memory of Scorpius. Four years ago, Diagon Alley, you and him on the bench," Theo did not meet Lily's eyes. "Nothing more."
"What do you mean 'nothing'?" James looked from Theo to Lily, outraged. "What about after that?! My birthday? And what about the night Mum died, and Malfoy was with her? And the werewolf-turned-Gregory, when only Scorpius' quick thinking saved her?! And the kidnapping, when he pulled her from the dungeon?! And…"
"Jim, stop," Xenia saw Lily writhing in pain. Strange effect. She wouldn't survive the recount of the four years that her brother's memory so faithfully captured.
"It wasn't he who pulled me out of the dungeons, but you; stop fibbing," Lily said accusingly, narrowing her eyes. "You have all gone mental."
Theo came closer to Lily's bed:
"Do you remember what happened in Hogsmead? You were there with a boy who turned out to be a werewolf…"
"It was the werewolf who pretended to be Greg," Lily corrected the healer. "I remember…"
"What happened then?" Theodic probed carefully.
"Xenia and James found me in time, Stunned the werewolf, and brought me back to Hogwarts," the girl glanced at her brother as though urging him to corroborate her story. James snorted, but remained silent under his father's stern gaze.
"I see," Theo turned to face Xenia. "The usual laws of replacement. Her memory is filling in the blanks remaining after the Memory Charm. The blanks where Malfoy used to be. Like new skin closing over the wound."
"Can it be fixed?" James was looking at the healers in abject horror. "You know, restored, brought back…"
"Each attempt to remember causes you pain, doesn't it?" Xenia walked over to the bed and sat down next to Lily. The other nodded, resigned. "Don't try; it will only get worse…"
"Strange," Theo rubbed his chin. Yes, strange, indeed. Usually, the Memory Charm did not have any side effects. "Where does it hurt?"
"My head… and… I don't know… It feels like it's everywhere," Lily admitted, looking away. "It is unbearable."
This was the cruelest part: every thought of Malfoy was causing her pain. If Scorpius finds out, what will become of him?
"Jim, find Scorpius," Xenia turned towards her husband, who was eyeing his sister almost with indignation. "He needs you now."
"She will remember, won't she?" James whispered miserably to Theo. "She cannot just up and forget everything, right? It is not like the photos that can be destroyed…"
"What photos?" Harry turned towards his firstborn.
"This Devereaux burned down Malfoy's flat, to destroy all traces of his life with Lily; he also took all photos of them together from my house."
"Odd," Harry pondered. "I stopped by the house and saw the photo albums on the table. I thought you'd been looking for something…"
"Thank Dong," James snorted, turning towards his sister. "You can't just forget him, you hear? He doted on you, worshipped you!"
"Jim…," Xenia tried to stop him, but he ignored her.
"You mean the world to him! And he – to you!"
"Jim…"
"Lily, how can you not remember?!" Potter's hands clenched into fists. "You were fifteen years old when you gave yourself to him, body and soul – and now you say that he is a scoundrel and doesn't mean anything to you! You should see his face right now!"
"Enough, James!" Harry placed himself between his son and daughter. "Go and find your friend. You can do nothing helpful here at the moment."
James stared at his sister for a few moments, before turning on his heel and dashing out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Silence fell. Lily was weeping quietly.
"Oh, darling, there, there," Harry put his arms around her. "It will be alright…"
"He will always put that Slytherin before me," she sniffled. "It's always Malfoy this and Malfoy that…"
"You are wrong," Harry stroked his daughter's ginger tresses. "It's just that he is hurting right now for both of you; he loves you both very much…"
"Him more."
"Because it is worse for Scorpius, you must understand that," Xenia patted Lily's arm. "He remembers what you have forgotten. He realises that the vengeance, which was the goal of your kidnapping, actually happened, that this man succeeded at his intent to take you away from Scorpius. And he feels that it is his fault… – probably."
"How could I have been his?" Lily whispered in consternation. "How could I have married him?! I despise him… He never paid me any heed… He is a Slytherin, arrogant and wicked…"
Harry and Theo smiled; Xenia held back her smile.
"Xenie!"
Albus, now awake, jumped up, and darted for her, crashing into her in his impatience for a hug.
"You are back, I am so glad."
"Me, too."
"The war council meeting is over?" Theo looked at Al mockingly, his arms folded across his chest.
Harry looked up at the healer in surprise.
"What did they say?" Theo was very grave now.
"Uncle Severus thinks that the pain is complicating everything," the boy shrugged his shoulders, looking at Lily. "That this is not just about her memory or her mind…"
Xenia suddenly understood; her eyes widened. Theo raised an eyebrow at her reaction.
"The soul again?" the healer remarked, with faint sarcasm.
Xenia didn't bother responding. It made so much sense: when mind and soul are one, when they are united in something – for instance, love. Because Lily's love is so strong, so boundless, so all-encompassing. Scorpius Malfoy is in every cell of her body; every facet of her soul. And when the kidnapper tried to yank Malfoy out of her mind, he must have set off something outside of it. Outside of the memories. For those are so intertwined in Lily. This is the cause of the pain that Lily couldn't pinpoint! It's the pain of the soul, as resists, refusing to let Scorpius go… It is not even love, it is Lily's whole reason for living, without which her soul would surely die…
This is the problem, and this is the hope. Because the mind tries to replace the lost memories, while the soul – to restore and to heal. It always fights for itself; to the end.
"And Grandpa Albus also said that love can defeat even the most deadly of curses," Al smiled at his father. "Love and getting some fresh air, like walking in the woods, for instance…"
The boy smiled impishly, and Xenia thought that not everyone needed years of study to develop a talent for healing. They just had to hope that Malfoy would not kill himself before the two Albuses rescued his reason for living.