Ambrosia

by AyaxRoses

'Love. To truly love, that was one of the only things in this world that would never die. Even if you wished it to. Subaru and Kamui had grown to understand this painfully well.' An alternative ending to the final battle and a future for Subaru and Kamui to be happy together. SubKam SubaruxKamui BL-Yaoi-Shounen-Ai Past Fuuma/Kamui.

8. Jonquille

Ambrosia Chapter 8: Jonquille (Common symbolism with this flower: desire, affections returned and longing)

Notes: This chapter/ Spring event is gonna be broken up into two parts(kinda like I did with the February chapters) because I ended up having a lot of ideas all at once and it all came out longer than planned. So the first part of this is here, and I plan on the second half being up for/by Valentine's day so it will be soon!

Summary: Kamui starts coming to terms with feelings he's been dancing around the past few months. Spring is in full bloom, love is in the air! Emotions are more chaotic than usual for Kamui and Subaru. Kamui comes to find his dreams shifting from the mix of love and pain/pleasure he's come to associate with Fuuma. Fantasies begin to change, much to Kamui's embarrassment. With the way things have been going, Kamui seeks some different perspectives on what might be coming over him.

((Warning: There' bit more of a mature content wet-dream/fantasies in this chapter. And a bit of dubious-con amongst some of the dreams/fantasies. Nothing overboard but essentially what you'd see with the darker version of Fuuma or-Kamui Fuuma (suggestive touches, pinning Kamui to some surface- etc etc.) But it's short-lived))

---

Ambrosia 8: Jonquille

May

Spring was in full bloom. This beautiful season could brighten almost anyone's day. This goes especially with their over-the-top CLAMP school campus. Despite being Spring year-round, there was something even more colorful and lively about the season's natural timing. Trees flowered and plants bloomed gleamed beautifully in the sunlight.

Unfortunately, Kamui was not in the headspace to stay in the here and now. He found it hard to skip out on his morning routine. It didn't feel right otherwise. Leaving earlier for school than usual, if for nothing else out of guilt, he'd return to that place.

It didn't feel right to start the day without going to visit the resting place of the two he had loved most in the world.

Loved.

That single word burned greatly.

Kamui curled in on himself, knees rising to his chest as he sat under that same tree Kotori seemed to love. The little birds, singing and chirping freely, were fitting.

Her brother's resting place, close by, amongst the field of carnations.

All I wanted was for the Monou family to have some happiness… But I... Kamui breathes an elongated sigh. I couldn't save one…

Beautiful violet-blue eyes overwhelm with emotion, tearing up. They're quickly hidden. Kamui buries them against his knees, balling himself up.

Those who die could never come back, not even if you wished it. Not even if you were the true Kamui, could you make that change. A cool breeze blows over, as the torn-up student ponders fate. Ponders the possibility of an afterlife.

Surely if so, Kotori, so pure, kind-hearted, would go to heaven or whatever equivalent lies beyond. Fuuma would deserve the same as far as Kamui considers it. The real Fuuma before being taken over by the Kamui of earth had been so incredibly kind, so protective of him. His two incredibly precious people.

I wanted to protect the world they both lived in, they cherished. But I guess fate decided they couldn't be in that same world. Kamui chides to himself bitterly. Crestfallen lips fell far south.

Maybe this was self-deprivation… But something always tugged at his heartstrings, made him walk back to his particular spot. It was perhaps the last sense of connection, visiting this spot.

Do I even deserve to try for happiness?

Kamui couldn't fulfill his wish, well not to the way he wanted it. Moments of seeing the man he fell hard for, replayed countless times in his head. Drops of hot emotion trail down Kamui's legs, clear stains fall on his uniform.

I love…

I loved you both so much…

Supposedly, it's what he should say to the departed. Yet, it was impossible not to love and cherish his two childhood friends. Their memory, everything they were that made him who he was, that couldn't fade, no matter the time.

His fingers dig into the grass below, feeling the cool dirt against his fingertips, uncaring for the mess. Reality comes crashing in again. They were always there right in his heart, he could feel it. Yet, they were no longer beside him.

Kamui's strong emotions overwhelmed him. He can feel the slow break of his heart cracking. Brutal images of his first and second love flash before his mind.

As the pain overwhelms, Kamui starts to break down. His nose and eyes become watery. His breath becomes so labored,

I will always love them.

Kamui is sure of that, until his dying day. But being in love, could he spend his life without feeling that intense emotion again, that drive?

But...I'm not a good person.

Kamui ridicules himself, he scrapes his fingernails up and down his legs. He had so much love and care already. How could he consider wanting? Tears fall harshly before he begins sobbing wildly and without restraint. All alone his tears cascade, to this particular pain. Everything just became a mess, his mind, hormones, and racing heartbeat.

Those dreams…

Images of the ones he loved would never truly stop haunting him. They could become more infrequent. He carried that pain with him, always would. Even if he couldn't control what happened, guilt seeped in, he hadn't been able to change all of the fate.

The dreams were painful, bizarre. A mix of agony and pain would plague his mind. Sometimes those dreams took a more intimate turn.

Kamii could excuse himself for the dreams about Fuuma, as it tied to his deep love. Even if the erotic dreams twisted between touches by his Fuuma and the Kamui-Fuuma it was still technically of himself and his lost second love. They were in love without realizing the other felt just as strongly.

Dreams were the only place he could escape for that. Even if it pained him as he woke, he still kept them close. Pretending to feel his love, kept him from breaking down all over again. For a while, those dreams had been rather consistent.

Now though...Kamui's cheeks burn up against his knees. He sniffles, holding a few drops of emotion from falling down his face. Although it came crashing down again. A mix of guilt and overwhelming embarrassment took place.

Those more heated dreams were entirely shifting as of late. It became a blurry mess of unknown and painfully strong desire. Even his dreams now wouldn't allow him to be loved by and see the face of his lost beloved.

Though the sensations still returned. Dreams shifting between cold-sadistic touches of Earth's Kamui and loving caresses from his Fuuma were becoming vague.

Soon enough the one loving on his shifts. A recurring image of a blurred figure appeared hovering over him, making love to him. He cursed his heart for racing, waking up from those dreams. It wasn't like him to fall into lust without deep emotional attachment.

Maybe dreams could just be dreams. Still, it was frustrating. He'd never wanted to be loved on, and touched by someone unfamiliar. So why would he now? His dreams must have some other meaning to them. Were his hormones really so chaotic?

Images of phantom hands and kisses, from a gentle-hearted man, filled his dreams. Obscure facial features he can't yet make out ravished his dreams countless nights. His heart would race wildly, his body wholly reacts. The touches in his dream were like no other he's felt before, one so gentle, patient, and a bit more passionate when needed…

Kamui's face heats up, realizing what he had been dwelling on. It doesn't make sense, everything in disarray. Were his hormones even more out of control than usual?

Yet, still, those touches in his dream would linger. Even after waking up, it felt like he was burning. It was hard to get out of his mind. He could feel hands and lips worshipping his body becoming passionate and devoted. It's enough to make Kamui have to rush out of bed, in the morning, before his bedmate sees his lewd state.

Kamui can't bother to look up. He buries his tear-stained and flushed cheeks into his legs.

Uncertain how much time passes, but enough for Kamui to jolt back at the sound of his phone buzzing.

Kamui has to take a breath to compose himself. He looks up at his phone, feels impossibly torn. His lips curl up into a soft sweet smile seeing the message and name on the screen.

I'm sorry I missed you this morning. Take care Kamui.

Kamui shakes his head. Feeling a small layer of his pain shedding off slowly. His tears flow alongside with his softening lips, touching them absently.

"Subaru…"

Kamui calls for him fondly. His fingers play with the blades of grass at his feet. Foolishly, his lips curve up. They shouldn't but even here...somehow his kind-hearted protector makes him feel more at ease.

Kamui recounts, he did leave a note for the older man before he left. Subaru barely got home an hour before Kamui had to leave for school. Subaru felt bad for actually sleeping? How could one person be so hard on themselves yet so incredibly kind to others? Despite all the tragedy and loss. Kamui almost couldn't believe someone like Subaru existed.

That someone like him cared so much for him was another story altogether.

They had been strangers… And their first meeting Subaru risked his life entering his torrid consciousness.

When he lost his first love, those warm arms held Kamui tightly, protecting him as though to shield him from the cruelty of fate. The feeling of a warm body resting on his own felt so natural. So right it was terrifying.

Kamui wasn't alone. His friends, fellow Dragons of Heaven had and still deeply care for him. Yet, there was nothing like the connection he shared with his protector.

For the loss of his first love and more recently second love…

Subaru was…

He was somehow always there.

Why did he come back then? He promised to tell me one day but…

Kamui shakes his head. He had to clutch to his chest, fearing the throbbing organ in his chest might overwhelm.

Kamui's eyes fluttered closed. Violet orbs winced at the painful and still raw memories. Though he felt himself breathe, remembering the patient man beside him.

Subaru had been holding him close. Those arms were sheltering him. That voice kept soothing him, that heartbeat staying steady, proof he wouldn't have to carry on all alone. With just as much if not more intimacy than the last time, he was saved by his gentle protector.

And that very first night… Being held, allowing himself to be held again after so long… He felt himself finally breathe. Countless nights cuddled up, being held like he was something irreplaceable overwhelmed Kamui's senses. It became near impossible to not crave that touch.

All those soft caresses, innocent kisses, and protective embraces fluttered through Kamui's mind. He held every memory fondly, locked away safely in his heart. Maybe he should take Subaru's offer on coming with him to this site.

Features form recalling the recent feeling of Subaru holding him close. Kamui feels warmth spread from his neck up. They'd gotten closer over the new year.

Kamui reddens further, imagining himself moving along with Subaru, following his lead as they danced that moonlit night. Something Kamui never thought he would care for. Hell, before coming to Tokyo he would have eagerly mocked the notion of going to an event like that.

It was nice with friends. He didn't really care for dancing too much until they did that together. Something just fit, flowed. Those days just beside his protector every, his… Subaru, they were everything.

Kamui's lips started trembling. Deeply rooted fear, guilt, and something altogether overwhelming took over. No matter what he's done to keep his lover's memory as his last, this still happens… Even in this resting place, it all comes to the surface. Though it's still not entirely clear. His present heart and its new wish. A wish Kamui keeps pushing back.

Denying this only brought on more pain. It's really come down to a boiling point. Everything inside is ready to overflow. Soon he knows he would have to face whatever his heart decided on for him.

Kamui breathes in the fresh air, sees the birds chirping freely. Ones Kotori loved. Flowers seemed even more beautiful from above, glistening in the sunlight. Those flowers surrounding him were equally loved by both Fuuma and Kotori. Their childhood memories of spending hours making flower crowns, attested to that.

There's an unanswered question constantly surfacing.

Would it really be okay… to seek happiness?

---

Heart racing with raw madness, the lithe, panting, hormonal teen tosses and turns in the sheets. His eyes closed painfully tight as the images of his dreams came through once more.

The raven-haired male was pinned to a larger fragment of a demolished building. Again, something was destroyed by the Dragons of Earth. It's something Kamui didn't prevent. He couldn't stop this now, not if he wanted to fulfill his wish.

"I know you've wanted this Kamui."

Heated words burn mercilessly. The larger heated form had Kamui pinned tight. A remarkable contrast came against the hard surface behind him. Pained violet-blue eyes winced before looking up to a blurry view of the one he loved so dearly. He was there somewhere under it all.

His Fuuma had always been kind.

Right now, this Fuuma looks at him coldly and calculates. A devilish smirk forms. His tone comes from arrogant actions, cruel as he slides a shard of glass down Kamui's throat.

His Fuuma promised to protect him.

"F-fuuma," Kamui pants, breathless. His heart races in terrible pain and hopelessly aroused. Since when did the line blur between pain and pleasure? When did he start giving in?

The lewd kisses pressed upon his neck are not helping matters. A flush of shame overcomes Kamui's features as he's devoured by amber eyes.

"So you do enjoy this," Fuuma mocked. Any sign of light in once-loving eyes drowned out by darkened lust. Pure madness took over. A trail of blood across Kamui's neck is met with a sensual tongue.

"Mmmnnn, Fu-" Kamui moans out painfully, arching his back. "FUMA!" He screams, mind foggy unsure of the feeling of pain or pleasure overwhelms his senses. Unsure if it even matters anymore. Teeth bite down harshly on the sensitive nape, leaving a noticeable bruise mark.

His Fuuma would never do something like this.

Even when Kamui wanted him to (albeit in a much kinder, safer manner)...

His tormentor had managed to tie his wrists up and overhead with some type of wire. From there Fuuma easily held Kamui's arms up.

Kamui's eyes shiver, lips bitten and smeared with blood. He breathes a labored breath. Tears form from his eyes. "This isn't you, Fuuma."

"Perhaps not the `Fuuma' you so dearly love." Venom sears from those cruel lips. Lips that give Kamui no chance to escape. "But maybe it's one you've wanted."

A larger leg is thrust between Kamui's legs, grinding down on the hardened arousal roughly.

"Ahhhn! FU-" Kamui can not finish it. His lips are claimed. Teeth digging into his lower lip drawing out slowly. There isn't a pause for a breath when a larger tongue is shoved into Kamui's mouth. The smaller male is dominated. Cries are sealed and swallowed whole by his former friend's lips.

"Why?" Kamui's mind asked countlessly. The life in his eyes began to fade, darkness clouding once beautiful violet eyes.

Fuuma smirks into the kiss.

"Haaa…why… would you? " Kamui pants out weakly. His cheeks flushed as he felt the leg between his pushing harder down.

"You wished it, my Kamui."

Kamui isn't given a breath before his lips are claimed. Lips, teeth, and tongue overwhelm his senses. The pain subsides by overwhelming pleasure. Kissed harder and deeper Kamui moans.

The knee jabbed between his thighs, thrust brutally hard against his arousal. Mind going white, foggy, Kamui gives in and closes his eyes. He can imagine the one he loves is still inside there somewhere. It would be short-lived...and then clash again, start this all over again.

There's a moment of incoherency. Kamui opens his eyes, feels the leg between his own release after a particularly hard thrust. His lips are freed.

The raven-haired teen feels shame, his release within his clothes becomes uncomfortable. He feels it trickle down his leg as they give out. Kamui falls back, leaning against the large debris.

The broken savior looks up to see Fuuma's eyes widen. Perhaps it's an after-effect from the pained orgasm but- the familiar light seems to gleam back into amber eyes. His twin star groans holding a hand over his face and clutching it with pain.

"Kamui?!" Fuuma looks at his own hand in horror. His eyes scan over Kamui.

I must be dreaming. Kamui thinks bitterly. His Fuuma. It was… his voice!

"Fuuma?! Are you-are you really?" Kamui feels his heart dancing, fluttering. He attempts to stand up but is quickly stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"What have I done?" Fuuma looks towards the boy with full horror. Eyes scan over the bruises, gashes, and bites across a bloodied Kamui. The one he swore to always protect!

"Are… you really?" Kamui winces as he's led to sit up with an arm around his back. Imploring amber eyes begin to darken, shaking in horror as memories resurface.

"I did this." It's not a question. Both know it. Memories of what occurred bombard Fuuma with pain.

"Fuuma! No, it isn't your fault," Kamui tries weakly. He reaches for his love's hand, feels the warmth in it.

Fuuma shakes his head. Swiftly Kamui buries him within his chest. The sound of a heartbeat becomes a momentary reprieve. "Who else would have caused this? So much pain… And I-"

Kamui's heartaches. Weakly he tries to hug his loved one close. "Fuuma, please so long as it's you-"

"No, I hurt you!" Fuuma cries out. He leans in and hugs Kamui tightly in his arms. The movement is painful but Kamui leans in.

"As long as you're back…" Kamui adds on weakly. "That's all that matters."

"I hurt the person I love the most…" Fuuma chastises himself, shakes his head. He presses a soft kiss to Kamui's forehead, far different from the previous ones.

This was his Fuuma.

Kamui winces as he leans up. His lips press to his former friend's, sweetly, chastely. Maybe...Maybe things could be alright after all.

"I love you," Kamui confesses weakly. Fuuma's eyes shiver and hold Kamui tighter. The pain goes unnoticed, finally his wish. Somehow Kamui was making it a reality.

"I'll always love you Kamui," Fuuma returns the emotion. His hand caresses the back of Kamui's head. "Which is why I have to go-"

"What? No! You just came back!" Kamui adds incredulously. He moves forward too fast and clutches at his wounded abdomen. Fuuma gently guides him back.

"You have to kill me," Fuuma instructs, voice darkening slowly becoming more distant. He grasps Kamui's hand, fingers splayed flat over his chest. The pain in his heartbeat is felt beneath.

"I can't do that! I've spent all this time trying to bring you back to me!" Kamui exclaims, his voice going hoarse. Orbs of violet-blue overflow with desperation.

"It is my wish," Fuuma's gentle words are shakily whispered. Kamui's heart lurches, shatters.

"There can only be one Kamui," Fuuma proceeds to tell his love. The light in his eyes begins to fade, Kamui feels the other slipping.

"This is the only way for you to live on," Fuuma's eyes turn back and darken. His tone returns to the more sinister Kamui.

"I need you to grant my wish." Cruel words tear into Kamui's heart. It shatters.

Tears overflow wildly. Kamui is forcibly dragged up to his feet again. The larger body presses into him but without the warmth from seconds ago.

"Kamui, if you can't fulfill my wish now then-" The cruel Fuuma returns. His hand curls under Kamui's jaw.

"I will have to persuade you…."

---

"No- No! Please! Please!" Kamui shrieks. His legs tangled up in the sheets while he started thrashing.

The tired male lying beside him jolts up. The notion of going back to sleep quickly dies off at the sight of a clearly pained male.

"Kamui!" Subaru exclaims. He hurriedly cradles his love. His slender hands grasp gently for the boy's shoulders.

His love's body started shaking trembling. Though the tormenting dreams come relentlessly. With reluctance, Subaru finally opts to bring Kamui into consciousness.

"Please, wake up. It will be alright, Kamui," Pale-pink lips soothe the tender words. Lowering his head down he bestows a kiss beside Kamui's shoulder blade. "I'll do anything I can for you…"

This nightmare felt tortuous. The disturbed boy hadn't awoken. Kamui was prone to some injury, healing fast or not, for thrashing wild.

His hands start to shake Kamui's shoulders. Glistening emerald-gold eyes look at Kamui's pained face, worry lines scrunching up all across his temples.

"Kamui, please," Subaru requests, tenderly, finding it impossible to talk with Kamui and not softening. Subaru grits his teeth. He'd have to either fully get up and leave the bed or be a little less gentle to get Kamui awake.

Taking away Kamui's sense of security, leaving the bed unnecessarily was the greater of the two evils for him. Subaru grips Kamui's shoulders, grasping them a bit tighter. Shaking movements quicken their face.

"NO! I-I-" Kamui however keeps thrashing wildly. He seems to wriggle against the hold, leaving the hands-on his shoulders to be a little more insistent.

"I…" Kamui cried out, wriggling. Hot tears slipped down his cheeks. Subaru feels a tug on his chest.

The slightly larger male rests his body down. His chest presses to Kamui's, he refrains from fully lying on the troubled boy.

"Kamui…" Subaru coos. His words soothe in Kamui's ear.

Finally, his pained bedmate starts stirring. For Subaru's pleas, there is a reward. He feels his heart skip several beats, having forgotten just how they were lying together.

Still, Kamui's blue-violet eyes leave him in a trance. There's a pained smile forced on soft pink lips. His eyes soften and water.

"S-Subaru?"

Relief floods through the lovesick male. He rests their foreheads upon each other. "You...were having a nightmare."

Kamui's mind conjures up a gist of the dream. Images of painful and shamefully embarrassing fantasies, flood through him. Kamui feels too drained to know if he should blush or cry.

"I-I'm sorry… I woke you," Kamui apologize in a mousey whisper. Their closeness makes it very difficult to shift his gaze anywhere but above him.

"Please, don't be. I just was worried…" Subaru professes, slowly moving off of Kamui. He rolls to the side and guides Kamui to turn towards him.

"Subaru…"

Kamui's beautiful eyes are shivering. Beautiful lips and hands tremble. Subaru's eyes turn pained. Orbs of emerald love on every millimeter of the beautiful, pained face.

"Subaru, will y- you..." Kamui begins to request. He starts up shaking.

"Anything," Subaru assures a heartbeat after seeing Kamui struggling for words. Anything for you! His heart is screeching the words against the cage surrounding it.

"Pl- please…" Kamui takes a breath, reflecting on how to say this. Unknowingly, Subaru was seconds from granting the request.

"H-hold me...?" Kamui pleads. No matter how often they had done this, voicing the request felt so vulnerable. He'd never been this naked. They need to be close rushed through even more so.

The blushing male was unable to even look up to see the other's smitten smile, and lovesick eyes, pupils blew up. Kamui's tears accelerate, rushing over cherry fed features.

That did everything to Subaru's heart. It was thundering, wanting to break through, hold and love up every inch of the trembling male.

Subaru's arms wrap around and under Kamui's slender waist. The younger male gasps at the insistent pull forward. There was something intensely protective about it all, the older male was nothing short of his sanctuary. Kamii quickly eases in and cuddles intimately close. There's nothing new to that.

Subaru's protective arms keep him impossibly close. They flush beautifully together, chest to chest, hearts finally steadying. The pairs of legs entangle to the point where it's hard to tell where one begins and the other ends.

There wasn't anything human or spiritual in this world who he'd ever let tear Kamui's of no surprise when Kamui dives in and buries his face into the welcoming chest. The strong heartbeat keeps him there, grounded.

Even as tears persist, he feels himself alleviating. The nightmare, skewed from painful reality aches. Yet, the knowledge he wouldn't be alone helped restore him piece by piece.

Slim arms wrap around Subarus's back. Kamui squeezes so hard he worries he might hurt him. His protector doesn't pull away, never has since they started living together.

No, somehow through all the pain and torment they're only brought closer. Devoted to one another, to never leave the other alone. Gentle, familiar lips press on top of Kamui's head, lingering.

"I'll be here, Kamui, whenever you need me," Subaru's vows, voice deeper and stronger than earlier. Tender promises paired with the accompanying heartbeat soothes Kamui. He feels himself slipping, but it's not unpleasant.

"Subaru…" Kamui whispers his name. Hurriedly, he hides burning cheeks away in the incredibly tender and loving arms once more.

Kamui's heart feels full. Drifting off, he feels a tiny curl to his lips. I'll always need you.

---

.When Kamui's eyes close, his mind is met with a familiar scene.

Even after embarrassing himself by asking to "be held" this continued. Although, it wasn't the same.

The image of an earlier battlefield faded off. Though this battlefield was quite different. Kamui's heart lurched at the sight of his best friend, his love drenched in blood. The sword through his chest pieced Kamui as deeply. He looked at horror upon his own hands gripping the hilt of that same holy sword. Quickly, he releases his hold.

Slender arms hurriedly wrap around the wounded figure. "Fuuma… Please... I can't go through this again-this is a nightmare. It has to be!" Kamui begs, helpless as he falls to his knees. His whole body starts shaking, feeling pulled in a pained embrace.

"In the end, it was the only way I could protect you," Fuuma's voice is pained.

"No…" Kamui's mind stirred out the words.

"You can't…" Kamui cries, he shakes within the other's weakening hold. Kamui shifts to bear the other's weight against him.

Violet-blue orbs darken and well up. "But I-my wish-I wanted to protect you-I love you... I-"

He feels a fingertip on his lips. "It's alright." Tired amber eyes look up at Kamui tenderly.

"Of course it's not alright! I can't lose you!" Kamui is shrieking, his eyes ready to pop at the absurdity of that statement.

Gentle lips silence Kamui. Weakly press against his own drawing out pained tears from both. Kamui's eyes widen as he feels lips at his ears. Painfully cruel words fall to Kamui's ears.

"H-how could I?!" Kamui begins shaking. He feels the form against his slipping. A weakened hand caresses Kamui's cheek lightly. Kamui grasps it with his own, keeping it in place.

"It's impossible I can't just-" Yet, his words don't finish. The hand upon his cheek loses its feeling. Amber-gold eyes slowly close, breaking the world's broken savior.

Silent screams spew from quivering lips. Tears relentlessly assault his features, blurring his vision.

The shock alone causes Kamui to weaken. An image of white light to take over Kamui's senses.

The lingering words cloud his mind.

I love you Kamui. So I want you to… please, allow yourself to be happy.

Kamui feels arms protectively, lifting him and carrying him off before his consciousness gives out.

It's what feels like several hours before violet-blue eyes flutter open. He feels a surging pain whilst trying to sit up. Kamui groans, sharp pain overtakes... He feels bandages wrapped around his core, arms, legs, around his head. Kamui relents to staying back in the unfamiliar bed. His eyes widen, as they finally take in the sleeping figure, head resting at his bedside.

"Kamui?!" This voice calls out. The figure stirs, his face partially blocked by locks of raven-black.

"Oh, Thank God you're awake!" The voice exclaims with deep emotion. One could sense as though his truest wish has been granted.

It's drowned out by sobs, and Kamui's hand is lovingly lifted. Every finger, knuckle, and centimeter of skin is kissed languidly.

Kamui feels a bit of guilt. His face kept heating up, for another man.

A man… Who seems to know him quite well "Where am I?" He asks tiredly.

"You're back home Kamui," The voice laughs softly, bittersweet. There's something about the tone that entrances Kamui.

Tears flood down the male's pretty features. The weakened male lifts the hand not currently lavished with kisses. Kamui can't fight the desire to caress the emotion flooded cheeks.

Kamui had to know him somehow. His heartstrings were being played.

The taller figure carefully takes the hand on his cheek. His lips move to worship every millimeter of Kamui's hand just as he did with the other. The top of his hands kissed so languidly. It leaves Kamui's lips parting yet speechless.

Kamui feels his heart soaring, more than he's ever felt in his life. He questions what was reality and a nightmare. This scares him yet makes his heart feel it's about to burst.

"Kamui… I…", he weakly begins. There's uncertainty in eyes partly cloaked by unruly raven hair. It looks as the male had been rummaging and near pulling at his hair for whatever reason.

With a final look of determination, the mystery man whispers to Kamui. His voice goes a bit lower, huskier, wantonly. Breath is hot against the perplexed male's cheeks. Kamui can't suppress the wild shiver that follows at the words.

"I can't keep fighting this." Words follow with unbridled passion. The male's head descends further down, kissing their foreheads together. The man's hot spill out to Kamui's cheeks.

Kamui doesn't have the strength nor desire to keep away. The amorous sounding man leans in closer. Kamui willingly closes his eyes, feels lips gingerly press to his own. Somehow his heart won't be silent. It keeps racing, keeps telling him everything fits into place.

He sees the image of the earlier battlefield shattered, fading from his memory. A crueler ending follows up. He sees a fatally wounded Fuuma at the end of his sword, and memories shatter.

Kamui's tears start flooding. Beautifully broken eyes look up towards their unknown savior. He's carefully brought into the embrace.

"You're home Kamui, that's all that matters."

---

Kamui doesn't quite know if it's against his better judgment, yet he's here. Again.

Everyone seems to have the idea he's definitely falling in love. It's been incredibly embarrassing for Kamui to talk to any of his friends or classmates. Even staff members told him he has gotten a certain glow about him.

It's frustrating, awkward, and flustering. Although, most of all, words he could brush off before sunk deep. It was terrifying. Certain fluttering feelings had to be pushed down as of late, lest he says something stupid to the person who already gave him so much. Kamui sought out more alone time and time on campus.

The young student sighs, dejected. It wasn't fair. Yet, he couldn't stand to lose anyone else. No one could really know another person's heart. Feelings like this could break what he has. What he values the most. And while his heart is slowly piecing together.

Still, there are things he wants to know. Maybe some insight to make him feel more secure that things were going to be alright. So Kamui walked into the lavish ivory building.

"Hello, Kamui!" A staff member smiled brightly at him. The gentle-looking man reminds Kamui a bit of Keiichi. Though it may be as simple as the brown hair and glasses. A kind smile.

"H-hello!" Kamui returned a bit shocked from his thoughts.

"Going to see, Imonoyama?" He says quite certain of the answer.

"Yeah-" Kamui looks down a bit sheepish. Another thing he'd been doing more of lately. Talking to the school director with unlimited resources and knowledge was quite useful. Especially so when he wasn't quite certain how to ask about things directly.

"Well take care then, I'll let him and Takamura know you're here."

Kamui gives a light wave before entering the elevator. There was something a bit easier with Suoh being there. He wasn't upfront as Nokoru nor did he try to play matchmaker. Or if he did help it was done very discreetly.

Though an absent slip had him blushing an entire day.

"You seem genuinely happy today, Shirou." Suoh attempted with a sense of subtlety and grace. He wasn't one to get overly involved.

Leave it to the cheerful Director to swoop in with a hearty. "It makes me think of you Suoh when you reunited with Nagisa."

Said assistant gave a deadly glare to the director, turning away as his blush spread.

Kamui had made a quick excuse and rushed out of the office.

"I-I have class so… I should go."

He couldn't hear the brief apology, only from Suoh of course.

The more mature right-hand man only meant he was glad Kamui had someone he cared about. Yet, it was too late.

Nokoru only laughed, concealing a well-known smile behind an opening fan. The symbol for "love" is written upon it.

"Say hi, to your lover for me, Kamui!" Nokoru calls out relentlessly to the retreating figure. His smile grows wider as he hears footsteps quickening down the hall.

Unfortunately for the cheery blond, his fun is coming to an end.

"Ow!" He cried out, feeling a flick on his forehead.

"What was that for?"

His assistant has no guilt about placing pile after pile of paperwork on the director's desk.

"Just get back to work. "

Kamui knew the relationships referenced in comparison were highly romantic. Nokoru rambled to him many times about the relationship. Suoh felt a connection, despite the age gap, starting in elementary school, and having a heartbreaking separation when Nagisa reluctantly left to study abroad. Though according to the story it had its happy ending, reuniting again only increased the love between.

Kamui had heard similar stories about Akira and Utako. Sakura and Syaoran. Yukito and Touya. Kendappa and Souma. And just about every known or "soon to be" couple on campus.

So the dreaded moment came when he opened the door. Even though he was the one who continued visiting during lunch breaks or after school, it was anxiety-building. After school meetups, came solely when Kamui knew the home would be empty for a while.

Apparently, Suoh has used Kamui's visits as an incentive to get the carefree director to finish work promptly. So it all worked out.

After all the blond adored the topic of love. The fate of having to decline a visit from Kamui was disheartening.

Nokoru was all smiles as he dropped whatever he was told to do.

"Come in!"

Suoh whispered something to him. Nokoru beamed. It seemed Suoh did relent on whatever task he had asked the blond to do before.

Kamui hopes he isn't quite interrupting important matters, thinks of excusing himself.

"Come in, Kamui~" The boisterous blond chirps in a sing-song voice. Something is reassuring and warm with the very atmosphere. Those in power had always seemed so unreachable, selfish, and cold-hearted. It was hard to believe such a generous and compassionate man was the Imonoyama heir.

Nokoru's hands laid upon both cheeks framing his elegant face. His chin was cradled between the two hands, elbows propping him up. Blue eyes sparkled brightly as the director all too enthusiastically waved him over.

Suoh rolled his eyes. With a playful little smirk that showed his fondness for his closest friend.

Kamui put a small smile at the scene. It was still a bit amazing to see this side of the director. There was certainly a different image when they met during the promised year. Then again they all had a different image during that time.

Slowly, Kamui took a seat on the comfortable lounge chair placed across the director's desk. Kamui's elegant fingers nervously danced around each other before he placed them in his lap.

"Thank you for agreeing to talk with me again," Kamui started politely, bowing his head a bit.

"It's not a problem~" Nokoru laughed softly at the very polite manner Kamui went with. Though considering his position at the school it made sense.

The quiet male beside Nokoru nodded. His curled up hand lightly bopped Nokoru on the head.

"You don't need to worry Kamui. It's the least we can do after everything you've done. And well…" Suoh shook his head fondly at the blond, bopping his head once more. "He enjoys these talks a lot more than you realize."

Playing matchmaker was one of Nokoru's passions. For the sake of happiness, and the earth's savior to boot... it would be allowed. The troubled student deserves all the happiness he could get.

"So…" Nokoru begins, leaning forward from his desk. "What or who would you like to talk about?"

Kamui's eyes averted quickly. He couldn't fight the dust of pink on his cheeks.

"I…" Kamui started, images of the night before flooded through his mind. His cheeks painted a darker hue of pink.

"Are things going well with Subaru?" Nokoru goes on to ask, despite Kamui's lack of an answer.

"W-what do you mean?" Kamui flusters. His face is burning and his lips part only to close again nervously.

"Are things alright adjusting to your new home and all." Nokoru clarifies. He smiles innocently and purely. Though the twinkle of mischief in his eyes hints at him implying a bit more.

"Yeah…" Kamui does answer that one. "Things are going well," He answers as simply as he can. Giving too much information would only work against him. He could barely handle the teasing as it was.

Fingers start playing in Kamui's lap. He trails off.

"Subaru's always been so accommodating… It feels like home." Kamui voices, a small bittersweet smile lifts his lips. It had been so long since he ever thought of coming home.

Though the thought of his present situation lightened his expression. "It is home." Kamui clarifies, letting the thought slip out. That seemed to happen more and more as of late

Nokoru shares a look with his assistant. Both men seem quite relieved at that.

"You sound happy," Nokoru says sweetly.

Kamui nods to that. His eyes avert again a bit shyly.

"It feels nice…" Kamui vaguely comments, not looking up from his lap.

"So… Is there anything you'd like to know about? I'm familiar with the Sumeragi Clan and your boy….." Nokoru stops feeling a warning glare from his assistant. Suoh rolls his eyes. "Friend's "Occupation." He corrects.

"It-it's not in particular…" Kamui manages to look back up. He tries to begin with a less...embarrassing topic."I guess… I just wanted to know more. I feel there's still so much I don't understand about Subaru. And it's frustrating…"

"Kamui," Nokoru starts gently. His smile was sympathetic and sincere, it always seemed that way. Even while scheming some over-the-top matchmaking plan, there was a bit of kindness underneath all of that.

"I'm happy to tell you what I know about the Sumeragi clan, that bit of, your Subaru's upbringing, but that's more surface level. If you really want to know him on a deeper level, you should talk to him."

"I guess so…" Kamui clams up. He folds his hands in his lap. "There's just been so much pain in his life. He's given so much for me, and I don't want to say the wrong thing-change things between us."

"Change isn't necessarily a bad thing," Nokoru counters as gently as possible. "Change can bring you closer than before."

Kamui bites down on his lips. "Maybe...but Subaru is…" Subaru is? "Irreplaceable to me, I couldn't stand it if I lost what we had…"

"I can't imagine he could stand it either," Surprisingly, it was the director's calm and collected secretary who spoke up. Unfolding his arms from under his chest, the quiet male walked over to Kamui, bringing up a chair beside him and taking a seat.

"Not when he looks at you like that." It's like you're the only one who's precious in this world..."

"Precious…" Kamui feels his heart thunder. He places his hands over his chest, placing it to feel some sense of control.

"Aw, you're blushing, Kamui~" The cheery director teases. It's a guarantee that Kamui's flustered face would worsen, but there was an honest sense of joy curling upon his lips. Used to this teasing, Kamui knew better than to argue, or prove the director's point further. It didn't help, things said didn't seem that 'wrong' anymore.

"And you~" Nokoru turns his attention towards his best friend. "Now, look who's getting involved," Nokoru quipped, laughing as he pulled out a fan, the symbols for 'precious love' were written neatly across.

"It's not something I plan on doing, " Suoh claims, rolling his eyes as he sees them all too involved director looking up at him with a victorious grin and sparkling blue eyes. "Not at your level anyway. I just don't like seeing anyone sad," he admits to Kamui, a bit meekly. It seems Kamui grew on him without him knowing. "And if nothing else, I can at least see how deeply Sumeragi cares for you. So you shouldn't worry about being apart."

"Well, you're certainly more aware of his feelings than your own, Suoh~" Nokoru grins, cradling his face with his hands. He tilted his head as though, innocent, sunlight giving an angelic glow towards his lighter features.

"Kaichou!" It's a warning, a glare casts Kamui's direction. Though he does fluster a little, what mattered now was helping the concerned student next to him.

"Fine," the blond response in mock surrender, holding his hands up. "Truly, I want to see students here at CLAMP academy smiling, as much as possible. I feel you deserve to find some happiness too, to have a reason to smile every day."

Kamui looked up to see an endearing glow in the director's blue doe-like eyes.

"And with Sumeragi Subaru…" Nokoru emphasized the name. He looked seriously towards Kamui, standing from his seat and leaning his face uncomfortably close. The young student fell back in his seat.

Suoh sighed, his all too relaxed chairman, was fortunate, Kamui's very protective 'friend' wasn't to see this now. Even though he had an inkling of an idea of what Nokoru is doing.

There was a powerful aura surrounding the onmyouji when they last saw each other. Someone that deeply in love could be dangerous.

Although the arising jealousy might speed things up between the two former Dragon's of Heaven.

"W-what?" Kamui questions softly, leaning back in his seat as far as possible.

"I knew it," Nokoru enthused, making a revelation. He sat back in his chair cheerfully. "Your eyes do light up when you hear his name~"

"I!' Kamui positively squeaks, much to his own embarrassment. He nearly bolts up from his seat. His heartbeat resounded in his ears, feeling everything burning up. "I-of course, I care for him but-" There were knots in his stomach at the insinuation. It's not that simple.

"Let's change the subject," Kamui tries, with pleading blue-violet orbs. There's an innocence shining in them.

"Oh~ So should we go back to you going on about him being irreplaceable?" Nokoru light jests again, an amber-eyed glare directed his way makes him relent.

"But as far as getting to know each other more. You might like the Spring Festival that's coming up. You should invite him if you haven't. It's a good way for you to get closer, and maybe understand him a bit more."

"I want to ask, but-"

"I know, I know. The 'all-important' Sumeragi head is incredibly in demand and you don't want to burden him."

"He is incredibly important. It's not right for me to be selfish like that...besides…" Kamui murmurs in a mousy tone. "He's so kind, he'd probably feel guilty if I asked, and turn down work for me…" Again.

"That's something he would choose though, not something for you to feel guilty about," Nokoru explains. "Besides I think it would be good for you to spend more time together!~ And the romantic atmosphere will be perfect for moving things along with you two."

"That's not what I'm thinking of...inviting him for," Kamui protests weakly, eyes back on the floor again.

"Well, either way, don't worry about his schedule!" Nokoru assures, smiles a bit scary. There is both a dangerous glint and something mischievous dancing in sky-blue eyes.

"I have a feeling he'll have the whole day open!~" It would only take a few calls between the Imonoyama family and the Sumeragi clan to settle things for the day. This was a backup on the odd occasion, the onmyouji for some reason wouldn't devote the day to the person he loves. Nokoru is quite certain the former head would be glad to hear her grandson taking time to enjoy his beloved.

"What?" Kamui hopes to ask for more clarification but is interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Come in~," Nokoru says, happy for the distraction, at the knock at the door. A male with black-green hair peered his head in. A rosy-cheeked Akira is at the door. It seems he had a break from work.

"It's been a while~ I heard Kamui was coming today so I made extra snacks and tea!" He calls out, rolling in a small tray.

Nokoru is passed a steaming, floral cup first. The plate underneath is placed gingerly on the desk. Another cup follows, placed in front of Suoh.

"Thank you," Kamui adds politely. Akira habitually begins pouring various cups of milk-tea for his friends. "I hope it wasn't too much work," Kamui says.

"Not at all," Akira assures, beaming bright. "How have you been doing since we last talked?"

"I've been fine," Kamui assures, knowing he'd had quite a few people on campus concerned since he re-transferred to school. The contemplative student watches as the warm tea falls gingerly into the cup. A bout of inspiration strikes. "Actually...I was wondering if you could help me with making something."

"I'm sure I'd be happy to help," Akira seems mildly surprised at the request. Kamui wasn't one to ask for much at all, his gratitude was overwhelmed at being on campus again. "What do you have in mind."

"Well, Subaru grew up in Kyoto and ...there was a certain tea, he told me his grandmother used to make it for him when he'd go visit so.." Kamui trails with the request, feeling curious and amused eyes on him. "So, I was hoping maybe you could help me learn to make it properly…" Kamui's voice hushes by the word.

The request was a little too simple, but… it was one of the rare times Subaru told him about his past. They were simply conversing while drinking a new flavor of milk-tea Kamui was curious to make. Maybe it was an offhand comment, he read into, but if it could make Subaru even a little bit happy. It would be worth it.

---

The slender raven-haired teen tosses and turns wildly in his sleep. Several times knocking into his sleeping partner. One who had started out holding him protectively close to his chest.

Unfortunately, Kamui's sleeping habits seemed far from tamed tonight. He huffed, despite being the one who wriggled out of the comforting hold. Kamui's eyes flutter and blearily look at the sight of his bedmate.

Subaru's lips slightly parted, expression soft and relaxed. He's turned towards Kamui, even in his sleep. Unconsciously, his arms reach out attempting to pull the smaller male back to him.

"Subaru…" Kamui whispers. His nimble fingers clutch at his chest. He feels the thunderous pounding against it. Kamui gently shuffles forward. He takes one of Subaru's longer arms up and over his form. Kamui snuggles up.

"Subaru?" Kamui calls quietly, feeling arms immediately tighten around him as their chests are brushed. He looks up to see his bedmate breathing softly, eyes still closed. The younger male isn't quite sure what to make of the other's protective habits. He can never seem to fight the curl on his lips, especially lately.

Kamui hums softly, resting his head against a warm chest. His eyes close, listening for the melodic heartbeat. His raven hair splays out as his head is moved by the rising and falling of the chest he's pillowing. The embrace, heartbeat, and soothing breaths are enough to pull Kamui under. His eyes flutter close. When his mind returns to the realm of dreams it's just as confusing as ever.

---

Kamui awakens to an odd scenario: The mysterious man from his dream earlier is beside him. The circumstances are different in this scenario.

He could feel in his heart this was the same mystery lover from before. Yet, things felt a bit more intense and intimate as though quite a few developments formed in the dream world since their last meeting. Or perhaps Kamui just became aware of whatever just went on between this man and his dream-self.

Kamui flushes to see his body bare beneath thin sheets. His head awakes upon an all to warm chest, and his eyes look up to see a gentle smile.

A clear image is still blocked from dream Kamui. Yet, he's smiling foolishly. It's Kamui himself who ends up getting up and hugging the form closer to him.

"Are you…Alright?" The voice comes husky from sleep. There's a very gentle tone that shifts as he speaks his name. The man leans in and kisses Kamui square on the mouth, chaste yet a bit lingering. "Kamui."

"I… we…" Kamui stumbles out, blushing beet red. He lifts the sheets covering their bodies. It's abundantly clear that he was not the only one exposed.

The smaller male swallows. His eyes widen as he sees the older male lean up, revealing hidden love bites. "Did… I… Did we?" There's a gentle little chuckle that follows, taking Kamui's breath away.

He moves closer and closer to Kamui finds his lips fully sealed. Thin yet terribly soft pink lips caress his own.

"We did," The gentle voice confirms, seeming quite pleased. He leans down to press a few kisses on Kamui's neck. Lips caress, soothing over the marks all along his neck.

"And you…" There's a little smirk, that makes the younger male swallow. He places his slender hand upon the one Kamui holds over his chest. Fingers are led to feel the many kiss marks all across the broader male's chest, neck and shoulders. "Were quite enthusiastic~"

Kamui doesn't question it. He feels the proof of the statement at his fingertips. Instead, the smaller male burns up. He isn't sure whether to apologize or even ask how they ended up here. Absolutely, nothing is making sense, this has to be some fantasy...his hormones conjured up. That may also be tugging at his heartstrings.

Soft lips seal over his own sweetly. Kamui's eyes widened. The kiss should be unfamiliar, odd, or shameful. Kamui couldn't even see the man's face, yet he was all too familiar. His heart races as the kiss deepened a little slip of tongue between his lips.

Kamui doesn't part his lips as expected. As he likely had done not so long ago. "I… Sorry!" It's the only thing he can think to say. They briefly part, Kamui took a moment of reprieve to bury his face in a pillow.

Thankfully the older male just laughs. His voice is beautiful. Kamui thinks a sense of shame overwhelmed him. It had been months since losing his love. Considering everything that happened, their past, he should still be thinking that way solely towards his late lover and childhood friend. Not another man, even if this was actually some odd fantasy world he entered into.

"You're so cute," he breathes, deep and hot inside Kamui's ear. That same breath moves closer and closer until their lips are sealed. Kamui doesn't know where to begin, his lips stay pressed closed.

"I'm mnn not," Kamui attempts, between kisses, to persuade the amorous man.

"C-cute…" The shyer male breaks out, feeling a swipe of tongue as his bottom lip. The gasp and moans which follow only seem to encourage his apparent lover. The kisses deepen, making Kamui go dizzy, holding tight to broader shoulders pressed up against him.

Kamui hopes he can stop admiring what he can make out of him when their lips do calm. Violet-blue eyes take in as much as they can notice of the man. Yet, the very eyes that would be concealed. Yet, the way they bored into and devoured every inch of him was certainly felt. The smooth, glossy raven-black hair suits him so well. It's nearly an identical shade to Kamui's own.

There's something about the raven locks that glow, a bit longer and a little shinier. It feels like a shame silky black, it's concealing the rest of the man's face. A face that is enrapturing, gorgeous clear, and resembling porcelain.

His eyes are hidden, but Kamui can feel them ravishing him. The Kamui's cheeks burn up closer and closer to crimson.

"B-but where…" Kamui pauses sitting up and keeping his heated cheeks away. "Are we and how did all of this? I-I just can't understand…" The troubled boy holds his hands to the sides of his head. He's more so talking to himself than anyone.

The older male's smile falls. Yet, there is no sign of shock throughout his face. He seems prepared for this, though his face does fall. Amorous movements cease for the time being. Strong yet lean arms snake around his waist, pulling him close and fully into the other's lap.

"I shouldn't be doing this...I can't even see..." Kamui gasps, unable to finish his thoughts. Tears follow, overwhelming his sense of vision. Guilt and shame consume fantasy or not. Wasn't this some betrayal? Or...was he really allowed to want for more like this? The older man brushes his hand up and down Kamui's back. He shushes him gently.

"Kamui, it's alright," He speaks so earnestly. Sweet little kisses follow up, and Kamui starts to believe the words. "You're allowed this."

"But- it's not!" Kamui argues, hands gripping tightly at the man's shoulder blades.

"Why can't… I can't even see your face!" Kamui cries out. He feels something in his chest aching just voicing the arms pull away from the taller man.

"Who are you?" Kamui buries his face in his hands. Tears threaten to flood over them. Everything in his head was spinning and he somehow ended up doing something so intimate with someone he can't recall! What's happening to him.

Strong arms tighten around his body. Despite all of this, this person was still so patient and hadn't questioned anything Kamui said. Or been upset? Kamui instinctively holds to the older man's shoulders as he is brought into his lap.

"Kamui…" Gentle lips press upon his forehead. A kiss follows upon his nose and crimson cheeks. "You already know."

"I… what?" Kamui's eyes widened. "I don't understand."

"It's alright if you're not ready," A long sigh escapes the man's lips, he brings them into a loving smile once more. The older lover hugs Kamui close. A loving hand guides Kamui's head to rest against a beating chest.

"It's fine if you can't recall it all yet," He continues speaking on this absurd matter as though it were normal. Understandable even.

"I don't understand anything," Kamui self-deprecates. "Not at all...I can't even protect the people I love." Hands tremble, wildly, tears of emotions rush past the broken. "I can't save anyone… Maybe...I don't deserve to be lov-"

"Kamui!" There's a firmness to the man's voice. It deepens considerably. He seals Kamui's lips again for some time, stopping the words from flooding. "Please, don't say something that cruel! Do you have any idea how much you mean to me, to your loved ones?!" His stern voice brings a shiver through Kamui's body, one he can't repress. The younger male feels like putty as he pulled into a tighter embrace and kissed his shoulder.

"You deserve to be loved. To be in love. You deserve to be happy! You deserve the world!" There's something warm flooding down Kamui's neck. Hot tears spill out, from whoever.

"You say things like that yet...I can't even remember who you are…" Kamui whispers. He feels his shaky hands taken into slightly larger ones. They fit. Somehow quite perfectly.

"You know. Even if you can't bring yourself to understand just yet. The answer has been there for some time."

"I don't understand anything," Kamui guiltily reveals again. Fantasy or not, it didn't seem fair to whoever this was..."I-I don't even know where I am...who you are..what I'm supposed to feel…" something is calming about the man's heartbeat. It plays like a familiar melody. A kiss pressed to the crown of Kamui's head.

"You will," His lover consoles him so gently. Kisses are placed on the back of Kamui's hands. "I know you will." He nods to himself. "At your own pace. You've gone through tremendous pain." He continues, the soft smile falls at the apparent remembrance.

"Your heart will tell you soon enough. For right now…" He pauses. His voice laced with something akin to deep affection and terribly effective seduction. Darkening bedroom eyes aren't helping Kamui think clearly.

Kamui finds himself guided to the back of the bed. It's not that he can't protest or escape. He doesn't. His arms wrap around the man's shoulders. Kamui can only mewl as he feels a warmer figure hovering over him.

"Let me love you," He proceeds. Kamui swears he sees just a bit more of the man's face as he leans closer. Something is sparkling and entrancing, one of the eyes revealing a forest tone. The other is still obscured, yet the heat burns through.

It's frustrating. Yet, Kamui finds his body has a mind of his own. His legs spread, giving the unnamed man further access. Hands trail down his apparent lover's back.

The scariest part of it, it all feels natural.

"I…" Kamui's lips are sealed. His mind gives up on finding logic and reason. It was just a fantasy, something fleeting. He'd break out from this world and go back to normal after this. "Alright."

Every inch of his body seems to know the other so well. The need to feel overwhelms Kamui's senses. He has no choice, thanks to his heart and body, but to fully surrender.

---

"T-that was…" Kamui whispers to himself as quietly as possible. His eyes open widely, shaking. Kamui bolts up in a sitting position. Well, at least he could confirm it was just a dream...even if it somehow stung so deep.

Watery violet-blue orbs glance around the room, and its simplistic, calming charm. There's a long white coat, draped over the edge of the bed. It reminds him how exhausted his housemate had all but collapsed on the bed coming back.

"Subaru…" Even still he'd taken the time to comfort him. To hold him. Kamui's cheeks burn up. He'd actually asked something that embarrassing?! And that wasn't a dream. He'd never asked anyone to do that, not even Kotori or Fuuma!

Kamui feels his heart pounding in his chest. How did he let himself be that vulnerable? Why couldn't he calm down? The flustered male takes slow, calming breaths. He's relieved to see himself in his bedroom. Not in that dream… Where he was… well who knows where?

Glancing down beside him is a sleepy and cuddly Subaru's pointy nose scrunched up, lips curling down frowning. His protective bedmate had his arms stretched, hands reaching out for his sleeping partner.

The notion made Kamui laugh sweetly. He tries not to take the fluttering heartbeat which follows up too seriously. Though that seems to be the least of his problems. It wasn't exactly an uncommon feeling. It didn't necessarily mean Kamui felt what everyone assumed he'd been feeling for some time.

Things now we're making as much sense as they did in his dream. Speaking of dreams. There were more… pressing matters. A hand clamped over his mouth at the memory.

Kamui winces. He gradually lifts the waistline of his pajamas.

"Shit," Kamui curses, as softly as he can. The mess of a sticky white substance confirmed Kamui's fears. His boxers stained greatly, and thankfully it didn't seem to leak through and ruin his pants as well.

His hands delicately pat at the mattress below him and breathe out an elongated sigh. The sheets were dry at least. Most importantly, Subaru was still sleeping.

Kamui hopes it has stayed that way, legs swinging over the bed. The younger male intends to get himself clean.

---

Kamui yet again questions his decisions. He doesn't know who to turn to who won't tease him about how he's been acting as of late. Though he needed to talk to someone, get a new perspective on what's been going on with him? He wanted some clarity. Maybe it was all temporary, hormone-induced, and would go away.

Karen, while blunt on certain topics, seemed to have a deeper understanding of these things. More life experience and interactions with all kinds of people gave perspective.

"This is the place," Kamui hums to himself, knocking on the door in the apartment building. He hadn't had a lot of time with his schedule to keep up with everyone outside of school. Even though his friend and the fellow dragon of heaven worked on campus, she had an incredibly busy schedule.

They had phone calls and met up for a quick coffee break, a few times. This would be the first time in a long while they could talk, unhurried. Today was Saturday, he would have the day free to spend with his friend and the former dragon of heaven.

"Kamui, I'm glad you made it!" The beautiful pink-haired woman brought him into a warm hug. Her smile was bright and beaming. Something about her presence seemed freer, at ease. Considering what year they've finally made it through it made sense.

"It's good to see you again, Karen," Kamui returns politely.

"And you as well, I take it things are going well with your new living arrangements~" She teases gently. The earnest little flush on Kamui's features tells her all she needs to know.

The older woman laughs, her immaculately manicured nails stretch out, fingers shielding her giggles.

Karen gently reaches to place a hand on top of the silky raven-black head. She pats him gently on the head.

There's something about the gentle touch that makes Kamui think of his mother. Though even still, Kamui wasn't a child. He gently brushed her hand away.

"It has been some time. Come on in." She greets, waving a gesture towards the open apartment. "I'll get some tea and coffee started."

Kamui shakes his head. "You don't have to do that."

"It's nothing," She insists, waving it off. "Though you're welcome to come in and pick what you'd like to drink. I've got a few new flavors or tea since last time."

Kamui nods at that. "Alright, and I'll help."

The older woman shakes her head but waves him towards the kitchen anyway. "If you insist."

Kamui follows into the spacious, kitchen area.

"I'm assuming you're not switching to coffee today," She gently chides.

Kamui shakes his head. As of late, not fond of the taste. Though there were times during exam weeks when it was essential. "No, I don't mind it really but." He responds. "Coffee is definitely more Subaru's thing."

Karen rummages through the cupboards. She takes out two empty pink and red coffee mugs. She grins seeing a rather dreamy smile, curls on Kamui's lips. One said the boy is likely terribly unaware.

"You're quite fond of him," She tells Kamui simply.

"I… well of course…I care about him. And enjoy being with him B-but…" Kamui sputters, a trail of words. Raven-hair falls over Kamui's pretty features. Though he's oblivious.

"That's good then," Karen says gently, giving Kamui a little break. She ruffles the top of Kamui's head, making the flustered teen look up at her. "It's nice to see you seem a bit happier."

Kamui doesn't quite deny it. It's been an adjusting year, but…

"Subaru does help with that," Kamui lets his thoughts slip. Though the words seem like common knowledge.

"I'm glad," Karen begins walking over to the sink. She takes a white tea kettle from the electric stove and brings it to the sink filling it with water.

"You can pick what kind you'd like," Karen tells him. She points and gestures towards the cabinet. A box of different flavored tea packets are there.

"Thank you," Kamui returns. He takes whatever appears to be the small tea packet with an image of citrus fruit depicted in the front.

Karen returns to put the kettle on the stove. There's a bit of silence, and the older woman seems to contemplate something.

"Karen?" Kamui asks with some concern.

It's only a few moments before the whistling of the kettle emits.

"Oh!" She's brought from her thoughts. "Sorry." She turns the dial on the stovetop off. Gingerly, she fills Kamui's cup with the hot water. A small spoon is placed within it.

"You can have a seat," Karen tells him. And Kamui turns to the small circle table a few feet away.

Karen returns a moment later with her own cup of tea.

"So… " There seems to be something more on her mind. Kamui's curiosity isn't satiated. Karen begins with a simpler question.

"How have you been?"

"I've been well," Kamui answers simply enough. A part of him wonders if he should ask what was on her mind. Or if it was regarding something a little too embarrassing. "I hope things are going well for you, too. Working on campus."

Karen's eyes lighten with a certain fondness. Kamui was a very sweet, sensitive boy. Though rumors spread he showed a scarier side towards stubborn admirers. And he had his moments when first arriving in Tokyo.

"Not at all," She answers, shaking her head. Pink curls bounce along with the movement.

"Good," Kamui smiles and seems a bit satisfied. "Are things going well working on campus?"

"Very well. It's an adjustment from my last few jobs," She laughs, though senses innocence with Kamui blinking up at her. He had some idea of where she worked. Though maybe not the exact details of what she did with her clients. "I miss seeing the other women at work but not some of the more persistent clients."

Kamui nods at this. The pink dusting his cheeks comes forth as he pieces together what she's referring to. While her former company Flower and sensual outfits told Kamui she was in a more mature line of work, he never thought too much about it.

"Persistent?" Kamui growls out the word. The idea of any client attempting to take advantage of his precious friend.

"Don't worry," She seems to read his mind. "I'm not one to let anyone take advantage of me or my….'co-workers'", "She insists." I have ways to handle myself."

There is a smile that follows up. Though certainly pretty, something is frightening about it.

Kamui feels glad they had all been on the same side.

"I've heard from the director you've been very popular with the university students."

Karen nods at that and smiles. "I've had a great experience helping out with different departments. You'd be surprised how little these students know about sexuality especially beyond the male-female relations…"

"So you've taught lessons about se- s-…" Kamui sputters out. His face burns wildly, and he can't finish. "Relationships..." he settles with. Beyond male-female… meaning it very much included two men doing that. His dreams were not helping. Kamui keeps his head down. He sees his reflection within the cup.

Karen fought down the amused smile on her face. Kamui couldn't bring himself to even say the word sex? Poor Subaru had his work cut out for him.

"Right. I've helped out with some of the sex-ed classes and relationship science courses at the Highschool and University level," Karen explains. She's able to say the words so calmly.

"Director Imonoyama has been incredibly kind, recommending me to assist some of the professors. Apparently, I had a lot of good insights." Karen explains, calmly. It's a bit impressive how easily she can talk about these things. To Kamui's mind at least.

Kamui nods sheepishly at that. He heard she helped out with various psychology and art departments. Considering her own life experiences, it made sense she'd have a valuable perspective to offer.

"Though I find helping out in the Performing Arts Department a bit more interesting," Karen further goes on. She seems to light up at the mention of it, eyes brighten.

"Maybe I needed a change of pace from what I've been used to. Imonoyama or well... Nokoru is quite the charmer, incredibly kind. He listened to what I wanted to do and it turns out I'll be starting full-time work next semester."

"That's great," Kamui begins, regaining some composure from the earlier topics. There was no doubt Nokoru would miss a chance to really listen to students' and employees' own interests and needs. This went especially so while of the female persuasion. His lips curl up as he adds on with admiration. "Nokoru is incredibly kind. I'm grateful for all he's done to help."

Karen looked bemused. Of course, the director was gracious and it was a natural show of gratitude. She very much agreed. Though Kamui's more shy and flustered nature made things a bit unclear.

"What?" Kamui asks obliviously.

"Your face is quite sincere, and it shows just how you're feeling. How much you care for someone too..."

"My face?" Kamui questions, brushing a pinkening cheek with his fingers.

Karen giggled. Now it made sense.

The brief conversations and messages she'd get from Subaru were rare. All of the Dragon's of Heaven had each other's contact information.

Though the gifted Sumeragi's head wasn't one to strike up a casual conversation. Messages were brief to the point and always, always about Kamui.

They were always asking if Kamui seemed to be doing well. If he seemed happier.

Yet, the odd question posed, if she thought the director seemed to be romantically interested in Kamui. It felt entirely out of the blue! Especially considering the cherry director's interest in seeing Kamui and Subaru becoming closer.

"What do you mean?" Kamui asks, pouting a bit at the lack of answers.

Kamui was kind-hearted. The look of admiration could be mistaken for different types of attraction.

"Nothing," Karen continues. There's a bit of laughter that follows. She brings a cup of tea up to her lips.

"You were going to say something!" Kamui tries again.

"Do you really wanna know?" Karen questions with a mature womanly tone. Kamui feels himself shudder. He wasn't quite sure if he could handle more embarrassment today.

"Possibly…" Kamui's fingers curl into the thin handle on his cup. He brings the drink to his lips. A fragrant, fruity aroma comes over his senses. "Do I want to know?" The question returns. Kamui takes a sip.

Karen begins tapping at the table. Her long fingernails make an audible sound.

"Let me ask you something ." She steers away from the earlier teasing. There's something more pressing. "Why did you want to come over today?"

"What?" Kamui's face falls, a bit lost. "Of course, I really did want to spend time with you again."

Karen smiles with sympathy. She reaches out a hand to brush against Kamui's cheek. There's something maternal and caring about the touch.

Kamui's cheeks don't burn up. His heart doesn't race. There's no desire to hold the hand on his cheek.

Once again, there was something about those gentle touches. That always differed when it came to Subaru.

"I don't doubt that. What I mean is… You seemed a bit distraught on the phone earlier."

"Did I?" Kamui asks himself. He takes several calming sips of his drink.

"You did," Karen retracts her hand. Her finger circles around the rim of the cup. "I'm always glad to see you. Though you were insistent on meeting here even earlier than before. Did something happen?"

Kamui gasps a bit at that. He feels way too exposed, way too vulnerable

"No, nothing happened. Lately, I've felt…". Kamui looks down at his lap in frustration. "It's embarrassing…"

"It's okay. You can tell me as much or as little as you want. " Karen assures him gently. A hand places over Kamui's, briefly.

"I…" Kamui begins. His eyes start shaking, unsure where to start or to begin or even if he should say anything. "I feel… a bit Lost."

"Hmm," Karen pauses. She presses her lips together tightly and looks over the boy's forlorn features. It tears at her. "Is it about Subaru?"

"Kind of…" Kamui admits. Though his hands clench in tightly. He finds it hard to do anything but avert his eyes. "The promised day… everything."

"I can only imagine your pain, it's far too heavy a burden for one person to bear, let alone someone as young as you," she places a hand gently on Kamui's arm. There's a caring smile on her lips. "I only wish I could do something more. But I can listen…"

"Listening helps more than you'd think." Kamui shakes his head. Stray strands of raven-black fall in front of his face. He doesn't bother to put them back.

"I...had two people I loved the most. I needed Fuuma to come back to me. It was the only thing that kept me going at times, but I always worried I couldn't quite fulfill that wish."

Subaru was the one who came back, in the end, risking his life, believing I could fulfill that wish.

"Kamui…"

"It hurts so much to think about. It feels odd I'm even able to keep going after losing them…" Kamui takes a deep breath. It comes out shaky. The hand on his arm brushes up and down.

"Even now it hurts to talk about…but still I think I want to…" Kamui stares at his hands, shaking. Violet-blue orbs glisten, letting tears fall now feels too much. "I don't know…" Kamui shakes his head.

"It's alright to not know," Karen assures. "If you ask me. I think it's alright, to love and seek to be happy again… However, you find that happiness, you deserve to seek it out. "

"I'm not sure…" Kamui's smile goes a little bittersweet. "Of course, Everyone seems to know my feelings better than I do lately..." An elongated sigh follows up.

"What matters the most is how you feel," Karen insists and scoots her chair a bit closer. Her arms pull Kamui to the side hugging him into a comforting hug. There's something maternal about the warmth surrounding him.

"I'm terrified…" Kamui begins, voice barely above a whisper. "They're not all that wrong…" His hands tremble to link together on his lap.

Karen's eyes raise, before calming just as quickly She doesn't doubt the deep feelings Kamui holds. She didn't expect Kamui to be quite this overwhelmed by them, to feel bad for possibly wanting to start anew.

"It's alright, Kamui," Karen smiles sympathetically.

Kamui shakes his head. "It's not that simple...I want to be completely sure."

"I'm guessing this is where Subaru comes in," Karen gently supplies. Though there's a knowing gleam in her eyes.

Kamui nods. His lips tremble, and he gasps, feeling his head pulled to rest, upon his kind friend's shoulder. The nostalgia floods through Kamui's senses. He briefly recalls his mother, "Aunt" Saya… Happier days with them.

"Subaru is special. Always has been," He finds himself shaking, emotions flooding through his senses, pulling at his heart. "It's funny. He's usually the one I come to for most everything. Even though this is about him… I still want to talk to him about it."

Karen refrains from teasing Kamui. It's a little too easy, with the lovestruck smile and dreamy glimmer in his eyes. "It just shows how important he is to you."

"Honestly, it really isn't like that between us…". Kamui trails off, a tired sigh follows. He feels a tug at his chest, something aches more and more.

"Do you want it to be?"

But...Subaru fell in love with Seishiro.

Not that Kamui would tell he and Subaru knew about each other was sacred. There were things he never wanted anyone in the world, but Subaru, to know. His pains, past trials, and hardships. The feeling of love and loss they've had holding the one they love so dearly during their final breaths.

He can't exactly answer this question.

It doesn't matter what I want.

There were no guarantees even as close as they were the desire for more than their romantic-friendship was even present. Kamui didn't even know himself.

I'm only imagining things. Kamui's mind attempts to persuade him to fall further into doubt.

"I'm not sure," Kamui finds the answer honest enough. It's way too complicated as it goes on. He awkwardly hugs his friend back before sitting up. Being vulnerable with his housemate was one thing. He didn't want to become a crying mess with everyone close to him.

"I wish I knew for sure," Kamui softly professes. He whispers a few hushed words the older woman can't help.

"You're the only one who can really look into your heart, Kamui," Karen tells him with a sense of wisdom. She goes on.

"If you ask me if certain feelings do change, you don't need to worry. Subaru adores you." She wants to confirm the reserved spiritualist had been head over heels for him for the past few months. Still, that would have to be something Kamui hears directly from the source.

"I can't see you being apart from each other's lives."

"I hope. I can't say how much he means to me…but," Kamui's lips curve up, beaming almost angelically at that. He can't fight down the flush. I might… like him. Too much.

"To really know, you'll need to be honest with painful as it is, you have to sit down and ask your heart what you're truly feeling. And find what Shirou Kamui feels towards Sumeragi Subaru."

"Maybe…." Kamui responds vaguely. Though the darkening violet in his eyes, assures he's taken the words to heart.

"Well there's time to think that through, for now, I think it's alright to give yourself some time to relax," Karen begins. Her arms wrap around Kamui warmly, hugging him close one more time.

"Besides your tea's gotten cold," She adds lightly and takes the cup from Kamui's hand.

"W-wait it's alright. I don't mind!"

"It's fine."

"But I can warm it up myself!"

"You're sweet." She shakes her head. "It's really alright I want to. I care for you. It's alright to let others care for you too."

"I…" Kamui's mind can't find a good response to argue with

"Thank you, Karen."

She nods at this taking the mug of tea towards the stovetop and microwave

"It's not a problem," She assures. There's something mischievous in her eyes. She smiles seeing Kamui ease up and relax in his seat.

"Still, I appreciate it and of course for listening to me… " Kamui insists.

There's something warm about the quiet atmosphere. There were things he couldn't quite form to a word. Kamui eases back in his seat. The shy boy smiles, feeling a bit lighter.

I am glad I decided to come here and talk. Kamui warmly thinks.

"And while you're here," She begins, smiling deviously at Kamui. He finds himself shrinking in his seat. "I should tell you a bit more about safe-sex practices between men. If and when Sumeragi finally decides to make a move it's best for you to know ahead of time."

She says the words all too easily. Kamui's face heats a thousand shades of red.

"Th-that's-oh my god!" Kamui squeaks. His eyes seem about ready to pop, purely mortified.

"That-that's really not necessary. There's nothing close to that going on-" Kamui vehemently denied that kind of accusation. Their bed was purely for sleeping, and of course, cuddling. On occasion, little kisses on the forehead or the cheek were exchanged. That was mainly after a nightmare when comfort was needed the most. Though that was it!

Oh god, if Subaru heard her say that, or even know that came up today, he'd surely find a way to truly die of embarrassment. He covers his face with his hands and starts thinking up a million excuses to leave early or topics to move as far away from that as possible.

Maybe… I didn't make the best choice coming here. Kamui corrects himself.

---

It's fine. I'll come in quietly, and hide these as quickly as possible. Kamui tells himself his own plan. Trembling hands are hesitating to turn the doorknob. A few, questionable books are hidden under his arm. Books he had no choice but to take with him.

"Okay, I won't embarrass you any further. Still, it's good information to know just in case. Just take these with you and I won't say another!~" Karen offered. She thrust the 'reading' materials so insistently in Kamui's arm.

Kamui takes a few long breaths. He closes his eyes. It'll be fine, just stay calm. He brings himself the courage to turn the doorknob.

"Welcome home," Subaru's voice greets him warmly.

"Ah-ah-I- Subaru!" Kamui stutters, his heart following along. He fumbles with his words, looking down. "Wh-what are you doing here? I mean...I-"

Subaru's eyebrows raise. He looks Kamui up and down questioning. Whatever he had brought along with him drew out some suspicion.

"O-obviously it's your," Kamui takes a quick breath. "Our house…" he finishes meekly.

Kamui misses the fond gleam in those gold and emerald eyes. Yet, there's a feeling of them gazing on him.

Subaru's lips quirk. The quiet male forgoes whatever he was reading, placing a simplistic black and white covered book down on the couch. Something told Kamui, Subaru was not reading the same kind of content he brought back with him.

"How was your time with Kasumi?" Subaru asks simply. Kamui blushed, attempting to shove the books further behind him and out of the other's view. His housemate hadn't been able to look away from his flustered expression.

"I-it was fine…" Kamui mentions, pay extra attention to the detail of their entryway. He taps his shoes against the doormat, attempting to slip them off efficiently. He doesn't plan on starting to trip along the way.

"Kamui!" Subaru gasps, rushing in.

Kamui does not plan on dropping the books he'd planned on hiding away. The arms catching him are still welcomed, along with the warm chest. Kamui can't help but pillow his older man's chest. Neither pays any mind to mess on the floor for the time being.

"I'm home," Kamui sighs sweetly. His arms wrap around the taller male's shoulders. The older male easily sweeps Kamui off his feet and over the threshold, shoes falling back carelessly.

"You are," Subaru mildly jests. There's a playful glint, brightening his eyes. Kamui is gingerly placed back, his feet touching the floor again. The orbs of emerald and gold sparkle more than usual, leaving Kamui a little too entranced. There is something brighter about them today, seeming almost more pastel? Still, quite gem-like but-very bright.

Kamui doesn't realize he's started reaching out for the other, brushing his hand against Subaru's soft cheek. It isn't something new for them, neither is the hand clasping over Kamui's own.

"Did things go well today?" Subaru can't help but ask. The aversion of violet-blue eyes is slightly worrying. The pink flush spreads over Kamui's cheeks.

There is a bit of a satisfied smirk, watching the flush deepening as gentle kisses place on his temples. As usual Subaru's lips can't stay too long without falling to a helpless smile.

"Yeah, it was nice to see Karen again," Kamui explains vaguely, averting his eyes. The task becomes near impossible as a hand retracts over his own, and lifts to clasp his chin.

"And everything went well?" Subaru asks a bit more firmly. Kamui's head is guided to turn, fully facing the other. There's a protective gaze holding over Kamui.

"Y-yeah, we had tea and talked over some things…" The words are said vaguely.

"Oh?" An arm tightens around Kamui's' waist. They're flushed, chest to chest. Kamui looks up, eyes a little dizzy. There's some concern, as Subaru's thin pink lips fall south. He knew the older woman was quite open and comfortable with mature topics. He had hoped she hadn't said anything to make Kamui too uncomfortable. Especially while knowing his feelings for the world's savior from the get-go.

"Y-yeah, it was fine," Kamui assures, though his smile was a bit shaky. "Really!" He tries again, forcing a half-smile that only makes the older male feel more amorous, kissing the top of his head.

"Alright," Subaru concedes. Though the amused light in his eyes, tells Kamui he is not entirely believing it. Kamui didn't seem too traumatized and didn't seem to indicate he'd heard about Subaru's poorly suppressed feelings. Reluctantly, arms do loosen from around Kamui.

The shy male nods. "Y-yeah...though I-have some homework I should probably get to first…" He weakly feigns the excuse and glances down at the scattered books, with not so wholesome titles.

Subaru doesn't seem to notice or care as he leans down. "Here, let me help y-"

"NO!" Kamui hurriedly shrieks. The older man's eyes widened, stopping in surprise.

Kamui flushes and clears his throat. Time to try again. "No, it's alright but thank you." The shorter male takes a cautious step back. The universe wasn't done leaving him flustered. Stepping slightly back feels his heel bump against the back of a book, as his other foot, slips over one of the pages.

Kamui falls right back where he was before. His full body weight falls forward into the warm chest. He's slightly impressed to see how calmly the older man takes it, not even a single grunt at the impact. Arms welcome Kamui back in. He's squeezed tightly. "I'm glad you're home." Subaru hugs him back, leaving a light-headed Kamui to stare off.

"Your-books are they?" Subaru pauses, struggling with how to word this properly.

"Oh, right!" Kamui snaps back to reality. He's clumsier than usual barely managing to pick up a book before dropping them.

"Are those all for school?" Subaru decides to ask.

Kamui feels eternally grateful for his housemate being oblivious to his embarrassment. Even, while Kamui burns up with every book he brings and hugs his chest. His arms cover the book titles and content as much as possible.

"Y-yeah something like that," Kamui bites down on his lip.

"Alright," Subaru tells him and turns back towards the couch he had been reading on previously. "I had thought you told me you finished your homework early for the weekend? Do you need any help-"

"H-help?" Help...learning that? Kamui's mind conjured up terribly erotic images. It was scarily easy to picture Subaru as the man he'd been dreaming up. Kamui vigorously shook his head.

"Oh, no-not at all- I should be done with it anyway...very soon…"

Subaru tutoring him in that subject or even knowing Kamui had these books was out of the question!

There definitely wasn't a way he could get through a single page of any of those books without combusting, in front of the older male. The dream from last night hadn't helped matters, making him realize he very much still had certain needs and desires he couldn't get rid of.

"Are you sure you're alright, Kamui?" Subaru questions once more, feeling Kamui's forehead burn up more. Worry laced dual-toned eyes, and he attempted to persuade the other to stay for a bit longer. Though the younger male was insistent.

"I'm fine!" He breaks out hurriedly. "Really-I-I should get to work though…" Kamui glances up towards the staircase, he'd find a place to hide these. At least, until he could return them.

"Are you...sure Kamui?" There's hesitance. Was it prying too much? "You have been a little...jumpy today," Subaru says carefully, pressing his hand to the other's forehead. Which only burned up more from the touch. Kamui had been certainly off since this morning.

"No, I really am alright," Kamui can't hide the fondness in his voice. Curious eyes do manage to look towards one of the books, spotting part of the title. And things were starting to click.

Oh...

Kamui knew he had to change the focus of the other. Kamui leaned up on his tip-toes, making the taller male flushed and speechless. Eyes closing, Kamui leaned in, gingerly pressing his lips to the older man's cheeks. "I'll be done soon," he follows up, quickly turning and rushing up the stairs.

Subaru only watches as Kamui clumsily rushes up the steps. His eyes follow until Kamui disappears into one of the rooms. This only leaves the lovesick man further lost, a foolish smile spreads over his lips. His hand brushes over his cheek, the spot Kamui's soft lips just kissed.

Which was flustering enough. The older man couldn't help but blush, recalling what he did manage to see amongst Kamui's books.

"Kama Su-" followed by two male symbols " ", the rest being covered by Kamui's arms. It was more than enough to paint a picture of exactly what was working Kamui up.

And it was more than enough to be flooding Subaru's fantasies for days. The person he was in love with was just upstairs, flustered and possibly reading erotic materials. A book that depicted many sexual positions between men, quite explicitly. So it was a subject which Subaru very much would be happy to help Kamui with.

Subaru gave up on a chance of doing anything productive today. Not unless he could talk himself out of his mind going there or calm his body from the reaction.

It was totally normal to want to know about sexuality. Both he and Kamui shared an attraction to men, there was nothing odd about wanting to know more of that. Kamui's second love had been a man. That interest was still there.

It was perfectly normal, nothing to get worked up about. This should not have even been affecting him in any way. Except it was Kamui, making all his attempts to calm himself futile.

Yes, he would need a long cold shower to sort this out.

---

A full week passed before Kamui could properly look his housemate in the eyes, at least without burning up and getting light-headed. Curiosity was a deadly habit. Kamui promised himself to hide the rather erotic books and be rid of them as soon as possible.

Though he was supposed to have the house to himself for the next few hours. He laid himself down on the floor in the guest rooms (which was technically for him, although more often than not it went unused). But today was one of those days it would be used as a "study" room.

Thankfully, all he did was read one of the books. Subaru coming back early was unexpected and Kamui hadn't heard his name called. All of this led to the older male getting an eyeful of the contents of his open book.

"I'm sorry, I called for you but you didn't answer and the door was open so…" Subaru attempted calmly, but was as red as Kamui. Kamui hadn't even bothered to close or hide the book, his mouth slack-jawed as his eyes shivered.

"No! It's fine. I hadn't responded so it's not a problem. And ah th-this it isn't mine!" Kamui swore vehemently, his ears burning up. It wasn't a lie. "I just…well…"

"It's perfectly fine," Subaru attempted to calm himself and Kamui. "I mean, It's completely normal to read…and be aware of. " The words came out more awkwardly than he had hoped. Kamui burned up, even more, seeming like he was about to cry, burying his face into the carpet.

"Sorry, I-I'll give you space, privacy to…"

Subaru swallowed mouth going dry. It was increasingly hard not to think of Kamui being in the compromising position illustrated in his book. "I'll be in the office!" Subaru excused himself.

Now, things have calmed down. Kamui managed to return most of the books. Some of which Karen assured were gifts for Kamui, and therefore non-refundable or returnable. Yet, Kamui could hide the books easily enough in a box, tucked under a pile of more appropriate texts to read.

Now that the embarrassing scenario was out of mind, he could concentrate a bit. Kamui could at least act somewhat normal and finally work up the nerve to ask Subaru to go with the Spring Festival, with him.

And perhaps… he'd understand this feeling that's been lingering a bit more.

"Subaru?" Kamui descends their home's staircase quietly. Violet-blue eyes glaze over when he sees his housemate, spread out on the couch. His paperwork was skewed, falling over the table beside him. Subaru's arms were hugging one of the pillows close to his chest, like a teddy-bear. Not all that unlike how they held Kamui.

There was a relaxed, peaceful smile on his face. Kamui's finger absently traced soft pale lips, with his fingers, before he even realized it. He stopped himself upon noticing, glaring at his hand for its betrayal.

He needs his rest. Kamui reasons sitting down on the floor, his head pillowing in a space on the couch cushion. Soft eyes focus on the sleeping figure with fondness.

He's so peaceful. Kamui ponders. I wish he could be like this more.

The shine in violet eyes only increased ten-fold as he felt a hand reaching and brushing against his cheek. Subconsciously, he nuzzles against the touch, checking periodically to make sure Subaru was, in fact, still sleeping.

There's plenty of time. Tomorrow might be a better day to ask anyway. Kamui takes the hand against his cheek, kissing it softly. Soft plush-lips linger in a way that he remembers Subaru's doing quite often to him.

Kamui grasps for the gentle hand, holding is gentle. He laces their fingers neatly, liking how neatly they puzzled together. Good night, Subaru.

Chapter 8 End

---

(I'll see you on Valentine's Day)