sometimes, when he plays, danny thinks too much.
danny has been with mr. walker and ms. penny for a long time now. lots of days, all strung together in a row. he thinks that they missed christmas, but that's okay, because he doesn't really like christmas all that much anyway. he has his own bed, his own toys, clothes and shoes and he gets food every day, three times a day, and it's wonderful. grilled cheese is his favorite. or maybe pancakes? mac n' cheese? it's amazing and wonderful, all the things a good little boy gets, so he isn't quite sure why they do all this for him. but it's so much better than beat you break you skaal-pulls hurt hurt hungry why, mommy, what did I do wrong? before so he doesn't ask questions.
even though mr. walker says he can and ms. penny asks lots of them, danny doesn't like asking a whole lot of questions because sometimes they hurt. they hurt a lot.
that's okay.
because he gets to wake up with his rocket pjs on and eat breakfast on ms. penny's lap and no one ever yells at him if he wants a second piece of toast with his bacon. he gets to play games, listens to as many stories as he can because ms. penny and mr. walker do voices, much better than mommy or daddy did, and sometimes he gets to sit on the couch and snuggle under blankets. lots of times it's just him and ms. penny, and she asks lots of questions about before, but she never gets mad when his head hurts, when he gets sad and cries. she just gives him lots of hugs and kisses and tells him he's a good boy. that he's safe and no one was going to hurt him.
sometimes danny believes her.
sometimes danny cries until he can't and sleeps.
and then sometimes mr. walker comes in and they go outside, watch the stars, and it's nice. because mr. walker is big and his voice is kind of scary, but he's always very gentle. he lets danny ride on his shoulders or hide in his coat, and sometimes they just sit and are quiet. they don't always talk. and that's nice, because talking is kind of scary still.
like that time they were doing laundry and the house smelled nice, like soap and warm clothes, and then there was a beep and –
beep beep beep goes the timer and then his arms are burning and his tummy aches and, mommy, why won't you just listen? it's me, it's danny, please I'm right here don't leave me don't hurt no mommy stop it hurts stop yelling and I'll tell you stop stop stop it hurts please it hurts it hurts it hurts and the timer keeps screaming and danny can't feel anything anymore and
danny thinks he scares ms. penny sometimes. because he answers her questions and she goes very quiet, just stares at him with wide eyes, and it makes his tummy feel yucky because he doesn't want ms. penny to ever be sad or to be upset with him. when that happens he climbs in her lap and squeezes her as tight as he can, even though his arms are still too-skinny and scary and don't want to work like they used to. and then she pulls him in even tighter and it's warm and she always kisses him on top of the head like jazzy used to. it's nice.
he likes it here. he doesn't ever want to leave. because danny loves ms. penny with her soft hair and big hugs and story voices. and he loves mr. walker with his deep voice and the funny way his words tilt and his big hands. he loves story time and eating breakfast, playing cars and snuggling on the couch, likes listening to ms. penny and mr. walker argue, likes to watch them pretend not to like each other. he loves getting to go flying, soaring through the air and looking at the stars and knowing that they keep him safe.
but. . .
what if they think he's not good enough and what if they think he's not smart enough and what if he answers a question wrong and what if they realize he's not a good boy, that he doesn't deserve this, and they stop loving him? stop the kisses and the play-fights and story time and cuddles and food and, no, he doesn't want to go back. never ever not never.
danny stops. he breathes. ms. penny tells him that when he gets scared or upset or lonely that he should take a second and breathe because that will tell his brain to slow down, please. and it works most of the time. so he takes a breath. in through his nose and the ache in his chest gets sharp. hold it. let the ache build. then out again.
again. in, hold, then out.
danny wraps his favorite blankie around his fingers and watches as mr. walker walks towards the laundry room. he's changing shirts? fly-time! that's his favorite and it makes his heart do a happy-flip and he knows it's not really allowed but he bounces up and down on the couch. ms. penny is in her favorite sweater today, the soft green one with the big neck that he can fit under and stick his head through. she made sure that he got to wear his favorite overalls. they're his favorite because they're soft and his most favoritest color, blue, and his bee shirt smells like nice, like rain.
they're going flying!
"Danny, baby, I know you're excited, but you know better. Don't jump on the couch."
but! but! wanna see stars, pen! wanna fly!
ms. penny makes air rush through her nose at him, something mr. walker calls a "sigh" but she's smiling so danny isn't scared. "I know, sweetheart. We're waiting on Walker. You just need to be patient, okay?"
danny doesn't like being patient but ms. penny asks nicely, so he drops. his shoulders droop. oh -kay. . .
he likes making "o" sounds big and long, just so she knows that he's a little bored, but ms. penny smiles at him and fluffs his hair. she does that a lot. he doesn't mind, likes it because it's nice and safe and it means she loves him, right? that there's no hurt-cut-skaal-pull right?
behind him, mr. walker laughs.
"Alright, punk, what d'ya say we go flyin'?"
flying flying flying! danny twists and he can't stop smiling even though it makes his face ache and his eyes hurt, and he just can't help but bounce a little bit more. flying is his favorite, even though he's not sure how people can do it, but that's the way things are here. he thinks that mr. walker and ms. penny are superheroes. they've just gotta be. they might say they're ghosts and all ghosts do this, but danny knows better, knows deep in his tummy that they're both superheroes. like batman or wonder woman.
that's how come they saved him.
ms. penny makes her air-noise again and he can see her roll her eyes, but she does that a lot. sometimes he thinks her eyes are broken 'cause she'll smile at mr. walker right after she does it even though she's pretending to be mad, but he doesn't think mr. walker notices. grown-ups are weird.
"Danny. . ." uh-oh that's the warning voice. "No jumping on the furniture."
he knows he's not supposed to, ms. penny, but it's flying! danny thinks these rules are much easier than the before-rules no talking tell us where our son is stop lying tell us the truth or we'll break you hurt you smash you and yelling yelling yelling but sometimes it's hard to remember them. ms. penny always tells him that mistakes are okay, and so does mr. walker, but danny doesn't like making mistakes because what if?
then there are big hands on his ribs and they're rough, like old leather, and danny giggles when mr. walker picks him up. it's nice, being up so high, 'cause he knows that mr. walker is strong and tough and nothing can hurt him when he's up here. most of the time, danny sits in the bend of his elbow because that's easiest, but sometimes he gets to ride on his shoulders and those are the funest.
"Don' go ignorin' her now, punk. She's awful cranky on a good day. Make 'er any worse an' she'll turn into a dragon."
dragons?! ms. penny is pretty and sometimes when she gets mad at mr. walker her eyes turn red, but danny doesn't think she actually turns into a dragon? if she does that's the coolest thing ever, even if it sounds very scary, so he's just gotta ask, so he turns and looks at her and says you turn into a dragon?!
and even though ms. penny looks angry at mr. walker, she smiles at him. makes him feel very special.
"No, baby, I don't turn into a dragon. But that doesn't mean I don't biteon occasion."
she looks at mr. walker when she says the last part, and he goes very stiff, even when ms. penny walks past them and out the front door. danny doesn't understand. but grown-ups are weird, so he doesn't try to. he just wants to go flying, but he's kind of scared to ask? he still doesn't like asking for things because what if they get tired of him asking and everything just goes away? that's what happened before and he still doesn't know how to be a good boy all the time, but he can still try right?
so danny bites the inside of his cheeks for a second and tries to be brave, asks, walk? we gonna fly now?
it's scary to ask for things, but danny's learning that it's not so bad, because mr. walker smiles at him. crooked at the edges and a little rusty. but special 'cause it's just for him.
"Yeah, kid. Let's go – think y'all 'll be able ta go higher today?"
danny doesn't always like going high because it makes his tummy swoop and drop and the aches come back, green-sticky leaking from his eyes, and then he can't breathe can't breathe can't breathe but flying means he can be an astronaut or a superhero. he can go high in the sky and watch the stars and even though sometimes it's scary, he thinks he can reach out and touch them. it makes danny think he isn't always gonna be scared. that he be a good boy.
so he grins even though it pulls and nods until it makes his head go spinny. mr. walker laughs a little and that makes him feel good, 'cause mr. walker doesn't laugh a whole lot. but he laughs for danny. he also laughs for ms. penny, but he doesn't let her know that, and danny thinks that he's never gonna understand grown-ups. jazzy would probably know what was going on. but he doesn't. so that's fine for now.
danny tries not to wriggle too much when mr. walker puts on his coat, which he needs because it's always cold even when he's not outside. and then he gets a shoulder ride, giggles popping in his tummy like bubbles when mr. walker does his funny crouch-walk to get through the door. he likes being able to see things even though he would rather have someone hug him. sometimes, danny thinks, you have to trade one thing to get another. he told that to ms. penny once and she'd smiled at him and said it was a bit like sharing.
he wishes sharing didn't make his tummy ache.
outside is cold, but it's nicer with his jacket on even though it's cold in the center of his chest, like his heart has a brain-freeze, and danny holds a bit tighter to mr. walker's head. ms. penny is standing in the yard and she's got her arms crossed. she's got a funny look on her face, kinda like the one mommy would get when daddy wouldn't eat his pancakes fast enough in the mornings, and danny thinks she looks a little cold. she's not wearing a coat, just her sweater. how come she doesn't wear a coat?
"Are you two almost ready? Because I'm cold and want to move to warm up."
danny thinks ms. penny is very smart but sometimes she does things that make him confused. like when she tells him to eat his veggies – broccoli is the worst – but won't eat her green-beans. or when she lets him have the blanket even though her feet are cold. mr. walker makes a funny snorting laugh.
"Should'a wore a coat if you were cold, sugar. Danny here's all dressed for it."
he is and mr. walker's right, so danny nods again because you gets a cold, pen. a coat is important.
at least, he tries to say that, but sometimes his words don't come out quite right, like there's a funny jump between his brain and his mouth. ms. penny doesn't seem to mind though. she smiles her special smile and floats up to him – which is so cool and he wishes he could do that! – to tap his nose with her pointer finger. it's tickly and silly and just for him, and it would make him very happy if she wasn't still shaking.
"You're absolutely right, precious. But I don't have a coat here, so I'll have to be tough like you, hmm?"
danny frowns. no coat? ms. penny should have a coat. they're important, and if he can have a coat even though he's a bad little boy, then heroes like her should have coats too. it's not fair. so danny wriggles against mr. walker until he's allowed to get down. which doesn't take very long, big hands around his ribs, and then ms. penny is letting him huddle up against her. and she is cold, he can feel her shivering. that's not good at all. because superheroes should be warm, should be taken care of and ms. penny is the best, so he doesn't understand why she'd do this?
so he pats her cheeks very gently and says, i keep you warm, pen. don't be cold please.
except the words don't quite come out right and it makes him kinda mad, but he doesn't want to make ms. penny sad, 'cause sometimes when he gets frus-ter-rated it makes him cry and ms. penny looks like she wants to cry too. he's trying to be a good boy, honest, but it's very hard.
being four-years-old is hard.
but this time ms. penny smiles at him and it makes her eyes dance like starshine. danny giggles when she bounces up, up, up into the sky, so high he can reach up and touch the stars even though they still seem very far away. and he doesn't really like going fast all that much, but it makes him laugh anyway, that swoopy, sinking feeling in his tummy and ms. penny kisses his cheeks when he giggles, hugs him tight and it makes him feel so happy. he doesn't want this to ever go away. he'll be the best boy ever if he can just stay here, where there's no yelling and no hurt and nothing but lots of hugs and kisses and food.
ms. penny squeezes him one more time before mr. walker flies to them. his arms are crossed, and he's got a look on his face like he's trying to pretend he's upset but is half-smiling instead. danny wraps his arms around ms. penny's neck lets his cheek set against hers.
"Yer downright spoiled, y'all know that? Could'a just asked me for a coat, but no, you gotta take my boy an' make him keep ya warm."
sometimes it's hard to tell what mr. walker is saying 'cause his voice is so funny, but this time danny understands. and he frowns because, yes, he's mr. walker's boy but he's also ms. penny's boy? isn't he their boy? can he not be both? it's very confusing, but ms. penny doesn't seem very upset. she's laughing and kisses the top of his head again.
"It's not being spoiled, Walker. I can't help it if Danny loves me best. He's got good taste. Unlike someone I know. . ."
. . . loves her best? does he love her best? danny knows he loves both of them, but he doesn't think he loves either one best. what if she hurts mr. walker's feelings?! that's no good. it always made him very sad when someone hurt jazzy's feelings, and he doesn't want anyone else to get sad like jazzy used to. not now, not never. and mr. walker's face scrunches up, his arms crossing tighter, and he gives ms. penny a very dirty look.
"Now that's just downright rude. Yer mama didn't wash yer mouth out enough as a kid."
danny remembers mouth-washing. it's gross and yucky and no, mommy, i'm not lying not lying please don't hurt me mommy, no it tastes bad can't breathe too many bubbles can't see or breathe and no mommy i'm so sorry! it makes his tummy ache thinking about the taste. ms. penny has a funny look in her eyes, like the kind she gets when she and mr. walker are about to argue, and danny doesn't like that. he doesn't like the arguing 'cause that means yelling screaming breaking glass cuts hurt hurt hurt please don't people aren't happy and getting along. everyone should get along. and ms. penny just isn't right this time, really she isn't, so he has to stop her before she says something mean. and so he opens his mouth and, pen, don't be mean! i love you both bestest! comes tumbling out, scratching at his throat with sharp nails.
it goes still.
they stare at him, ms. penny and mr. walker, with big eyes and open mouths and danny feels his chest start to ache, tingling all the way down the big letter-scar that sits there. and oh NO did i say somethin' wrong? 'm sorry!
he wants to crawl in a hole and hide and the thick-sticky is crawling up his throat, squeezing until the air whooshes out of his lungs and he doesn't want to go back, he's sorry he said the wrong thing. his body is starting to shake again, bones freezing under his skin and he's so cold, why can't he just be a good boy? just once? he wants to be good, wants to stay and never ever leave and. . .
then ms. penny hugs him hard and she smells like raspberries and danny squeezes back as hard as he can. he's still not very strong, his arms and his hands and his everything too skinny, but it makes the sick-sticky feeling go away. she doesn't hate him. she doesn't hate him. and then she laughs, smiles so hard it looks like it hurts and danny feels his heart do a happy dance.
"No, baby! You didn't say anything wrong at all! You just surprised us, that's all."
surprised them? how come, pen?
and then she gets that super sad look on her face, the one that she gets when she asks a hard question about the before-time, when there was skaal-pulls and yelling and lots of hurt, and it makes danny want to crawl in a hole and never come out. but mr. walker is there all of a sudden, and he's smiling a little bit, so he can't have been all bad, right? can't have ruined everything, right?
"We just didn' know y'all loved us best, bud. It's a big piece a news."
they. . .
they didn't know?
danny looks up at the stars and wonders why they look so far away, if they grant wishes and he hopes hopes hopes with everything in him that he can say this and not ruin everything. but ms. penny is still hugging him and mr. walker has his serious grown-up eyes so maybe he can be brave and do this. he can tell them. they won't hurt them 'cause they're superheroes and they promised.
so danny opens his mouth again and the words come scratching out, saying, i do. i love you and pen both bestest. it's why i try and be good. 'cause i don't want to make you hate me like i did mommy and daddy.
and everything just kind of clicks together like puzzle pieces and danny's tummy aches, 'cause ms. penny is looking at him and she's crying. he's made her cry. and mr. walker doesn't say anything, just looks super sad-mad. oh no oh no oh no oh no he didn't mean it, please don't be sad he doesn't mean it and he wants to take the words and swallow them and let them sit in his tummy like the bad medicine mommy used to give him but that's not how words work and so he just hugs ms. penny tighter. she's making a weird noise. it sounds kinda like that time daddy accidentally kicked the neighbor's cat, sadie, and she'd stumbled around wheeze-hissing for a long time.
then mr. walker looks at him and he's got his serious face on and danny listens to the way his voice tilts and falls and makes words even though something keeps whooshing in his ears.
"Danny, kiddo, I need y'all to listen to me, okay?" mr. walker floats closer, close enough to touch and a big hand rests on top of his head. "There ain't nothin' you could do to make either one of us hate you. Ever. We love ya to the stars an' back, bud, an' nothin' in this world or the next is gonna make us stop. Got that?"
they. . .
they love him?! they want him?!
danny feels his eyes get very wide and looks at mr. walker and the whooshing in his ears is a roar, his chest very tight 'cause he wants it to be true, wants it bad, but there's a mean voice in his head that says liar liar nasty little ghost they can't love you they hate you break you send you back to the before and it's what you deserve you little freak none of this is true.
but danny says you mean it?! promise?!
promises hurt but this is a promise he needs because maybe, just maybe, this one won't? it's ms. penny that talks this time.
"We promise, baby. Cross my heart."
cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in your eye. . .
cutting ripping tearing so much pain it hurts mommy it hurts please and then he can't see it's not black it's not white he just can't see and he doesn't understand why everything hurts so much but he remembers a needle bright and shiny and scary and it went in his eye and oh, no, mommy where am I please stop I'll be a good boy I'll be good I promise! I pinky promise!
danny chews on his lips until his teeth taste funny and pats ms. penny's cheeks with his hands. they're cold and too-red but she's smiling anyways when he says pinky promise?
she laughs and holds up a pinky and says, "Pinky promise."
the happy in danny's chest does a flip-flop happy dance and he turns and looks at mr. walker, who doesn't like making promises – he can tell, 'cause he doesn't unless he has to – and says, walk? pinky promise?
but then mr. walker smiles at him, that crooked one that turns up funny at the corners, like it's rusty, and holds out his pinky.
"Pinky promise."
and danny just. . .
danny can't. . .
he reaches out and he hugs them as tight as he can because they love him and he's such a bad little boy, doesn't deserve any of this, but they love him anyways and it makes him want to snuggle close and hug them and hold tight until the stars come falling down. but he doesn't know how to make that into words just yet so he just says i love you. i love you lots.
'cause he does. he loves them and he's gonna be a good boy. he's gonna try and he's gonna do it. ms. penny kind of laughs but it sounds wet, and he thinks she's crying again. he can feel her shaking even though he feels safe tucked against her and mr. walker both.
"We love you, too, big man. So, so much."
and then mr. walker hugs them both. it's almost too tight and danny can't stop laughing, even though ms. penny is crying into his hair and he can't stop shaking either, but that might just be 'cause he's cold. he's always cold. and they sit like that for a long time, floating in the air like superman and the stars are so pretty. so bright. he thinks his wish might've come true.
"Love you, brat. Don't forget it."
mr. walker's voice is quiet like always, but it's always rough and deep and serious. but danny nods and says, i won't. love you.
but. . .
he can't stop thinking. . .
walk? pen? i gotta question.
one last squeeze, and mr. walker lets go, ms. penny sniffing a little bit. she answers him, though, another smile back on her face.
"And what sort of question do you have, baby?"
does he want to ask? they love him, does he have to ask? he bites his lip and chews away until mr. walker clucks his tongue and pulls it out. "Come on, big guy, none of that. Y'll hurt yerself again."
oh, yeah. he forgets not to chew sometimes 'cause he gets really rough and once he chewed a hole right through his lip. ms. penny had gotten real scared and she slept with him in his bed that night because she was scared he might hurt himself again on accident. but the question is gnawing at his insides, rumbling in his head and sometimes danny doesn't really think about things before he says them so he just blurts does this mean you and pen won't take me back to mommy and daddy? i don't have to go back, right? 'cause I don't wanna.
he doesn't want to go back.
they both answer him at the same time and it's loud but not the sort of loud that makes his tummy knot up and his chest freeze and the air burn in his lungs.
mr. walker barks. "Punk, y'all ain't goin' anywhere!"
and at the same time, ms. penny yells. "Hell no, you're not going back there!"
and danny still thinks that grown-ups are strange 'cause the only thing he can think to do past being so so happy he doesn't have to go back is look at ms. penny and say that's a quarter in the swear jar, pen.
it makes mr. walker laugh so hard he nearly falls out of the sky and ms. penny turns a funny shade of red. danny doesn't know if he wants to laugh or curl up in a ball, confused, so he giggles until mr. walker shoots back up and takes him, tosses him into the air and back onto his big shoulders. then the giggles are real and danny tries to forget what words are when the adults talk, only saying uh-huh when mr. walker talks to him.
he holds onto mr. walker's ears and looks at the stars instead. they sparkle and swirl and they're different than the sky back home but it's pretty, green and black and purple and lots of different colors all going on and on and on until danny can't see where they end. it's nice out here. he loves this place and he loves mr. walker and he loves ms. penny.
he wishes jazzy could be here, too.
"Quit poisoning him, Walker, I'll swear if I want!"
that's against the rules so danny has to say no, pen! no swearing please!
and mr. walker is laughing again, ms. penny glaring, and they argue some more like they don't like each other even though danny clearly thinks they're bestest friends. kinda like batman and wonder woman. or superman and lois lane! except ms. penny has red hair and mr. walker could probably make superman cry. oh well – being four is hard so he thinks that being a grown-up must be hard too, so he'll let them be weird. it's okay.
but he has to say walk, don't be mean! you'll make pen mad. and that's no good.
mr. walker laughs again and pats him on the leg as they fly down, down, down towards the house 'cause ms. penny has already gone inside. "Punk, y'all might just have a point."
they go inside and danny laughs as mr. walker crouch-walks through the door some more even though they could just go in-tan. . . in-tan. . . the word is long and hard but it means they don't have to open a door, can just walk through it instead.
ms. penny is sitting on the couch and it's warm and danny's tired, wants to take his nap before supper, so he wiggles until mr. walker puts him down. he likes naps when they get to snuggle. because this means he's warm and he's safe, and lots of times she hums under his ear until he goes to sleep and it helps keep the nightmares away. he's sleepy, wrapped up in his favorite blankie and ms. penny runs her fingers through his hair. which is really nice. he thinks mr. walker sits on the couch next to them but he's not sure.
love you, pen. love you, walk.
there's a kiss on his forehead and ms. penny says, "We love you, too, baby. Don't forget that, okay?"
danny won't forget.
how could anyone love you freak ghost bad-boy mistake bad bad bad
he means it.
~*O*~
Penelope brushed her fingers across Danny's little cheek, unable to stop the smile that spread when he leaned into the touch unconsciously. It'd taken all of two days for him to get under her skin. And it'd taken less than a full month for her to do something she'd swore never to do – fall completely, irrevocably, head-over-heels for a kid that wasn't even hers.
Well, not biologically, anyway.
Danny sighed in his sleep, a little crease forming in his brow, and Penelope smoothed it away with her thumb. She mumbled quiet nonsense to him. Stupid reassurances and platitudes mostly. But it worked. The little boy relaxed again, a little hand reaching up to curl around her fingers and a smile forming as he drifted back into dreams. He was so sweet. Scarred and scared though he was, Danny had to be, hands-down, the kindest, gentlest little boy she'd ever seen. He was soft-spoken and curious and he loved with every inch of himself, even though he was pretty-well terrified of his own shadow.
And he had her and Walker, Texas Jackassto help him, of all the fucking people.
Poor kid – the universe had dealt him just the shittiest hand of luck.
"My, my – isn't this a pretty little picture?"
Ice flooded her chest. Warning claxons screeched and bounced off the inside of her skull, and Penelope whirled to put herself between Danny and. . .
"Bertrand?! How the fuck did you even get here?!"
She'd been trying for a hissed complaint. What came out was a strangled gasp of panic and dread. Bertrand, it seemed, had assumed a form that lurked more on the edge of eldritch than she was accustomed to. He reclined against the closed door. Loomed over her with a nearly seven-foot frame. Jagged yellow fangs gleamed out from his condescending smile, and his eyes remained solid red. Cold, mocking, remorseless.
Hungry.
Bertrand shrugged, and the motion would've been elegant were it not for the unnatural twists in his shoulders and spine. This form jerked like a puppet with cut strings.
"Oh, sweetie, I know it's been a long time since we've seen each other, but I would've thought you'd remember I know things." She didn't like the way his voice danced, just on the edge of too-casual. "Walker's lair is secluded, yes. But it's not impossible to find."
The grin widened and suddenly he was in her face, a massively clawed hand brushing against the edge of her jaw. "Did you honestly think I couldn't see you out here? That I couldn't see you wasting your time playing house with that oaf of a warden and a brat with no eyes?"
Keep him talking. Keep him focused on you. Don't let him fixate on Danny.
Penelope tried to ignore the panic pulsing behind her eyes like war-drums and glared at her the shape-shifter with all the venom she could muster. "No – I just thought that if you could see me out here in the Zone-boonies, you'd have the common fucking courtesy to get me the fuck out of here."
A slow head-tilt. Like a dog or a child in the midst of pulling the wings off a butterfly. Penelope could feel anxiety creeping along her skin. Bertrand's grin was widening, saliva dripping off yellow teeth and the soft red glow of Danny's night-light gleaming in his eyes. The hand that had brushed elegantly across her jaw a second ago moved like lightning. She hadn't expected it.
Stupid, stupid, fucking stupid. . .
Penelope gasped silently as long, bony fingers dug into her throat. He lifted her bodily to eye-level, expression cool as he watched her feet kick nearly a foot off the ground. She didn't need air. But for most in the Zone, breathing was a vestigial instinct from life. Ghosts couldn't die of oxygen-starvation. But the panic surged forward regardless, and she clawed at the hand pinioning her to the far-wall.
Bertrand lifted another finger to his lips in a shushing motion. Black hair that smelled like rot brushed her cheeks. Penelope kept their stare locked even though she wanted to puke. Didn't try to break eye-contact because she couldn't risk him glancing at Danny, focusing on Danny, hurting Danny. Her head was spinning. Adrenaline pounded in time with her core.
"Hush, dýrr," he crooned, "you'll wake the poor little tyke up. They are so precious when they're sleeping, are they not?"
No.
No!
A snarl curving her lips, Penelope fought harder against his grip, squirming until she'd wriggled enough to sink her teeth into the meat of his hand. It tasted like cold, slimy fish and blood, but she didn't let up until Bertrand snarled quietly and let go. She dropped, coughing.
"Don't you dare fucking touch him!" Penelope couldn't breathe properly, but that didn't mean he had a free pass to touch her kid. "I'll rip your fucking eyes out!"
And then he was in her face again, massive frame pinning her down against the floor. He was heavy and cold and venom dripped from the fangs in his jaw as it stretched into a gaping maw, stretched violently around a hiss that sent terror rushing through every nerve in her body. An over-long tongue lapped at her cheek. Penelope shuddered, tears in her eyes.
"Careful, little raven," Bertrand crooned. "You should think carefully before running your mouth like that. It gets you into trouble. Isn't that what your precious warden friend tells you?"
It was, in fact, something that Walker told her frequently. But Penelope just bore her own teeth in a growl and spat out a curse or twelve. Bertrand chuckled, neck craning around to get a good look at Danny.
Danny, who slept peacefully not four feet away. Danny, who was so scarred from his own death that he suffered horrific nightmares. Danny, who could wake up at any moment to see her pinned down by some shape-shifting eldritch asshole with absolutely no regard for anything resembling morals. Danny, who loved her.
Danny, her boy.
"Do you honestly think you can be what he needs?" Though his voice had not risen from its demonic pitch, his tone was conversational. "You feed on misery, piyavka. Just like me. How in the world do you think to keep that from an innocent little thing like him, hm? And why are you taking so long to move in for the kill? He's so delicious – why not just feed until you can't? It's what I want to do."
Penelope started struggling against his grip again, feeling bruises already starting to form around her wrists and neck. "You stay the fuck away from him!"
There was a sickening moment of realization in Bertrand's eyes, and she felt her stomach heave. "Ahh! I get it now! You actually love the little brat, don't you?! Oh, Penny, Penny, Penny, whatever am I going to do with you?"
Get to Danny. Get him off and get to Danny and. . . what? Get Walker? Run away? Doesn't matter.
Get to Danny.
Penelope struggled some more, spitting out curses all the while. But it was useless. Bertrand held her effortlessly. He chuckled, the sound like nails in a blender, and brushed his mouth against the shell of her ear. It made her skin crawl with disgust.
"You're never going to be good enough to help him. You weren't good enough then, and you're not good enough now, and you're going to fuck him up, just watch. I could help you, Penny darling. We could be so strong together. Come back. Bring the kid and come back and I'll fix everything. You'll see."
He was good with words, Bertrand. It was what sucked her into his vortex all those years ago. What made him so unsuspecting and seemingly harmless. Little shape-shifting Bertrand, hiding behind nasty Penelope with her vicious tongue and cruel heart, whispering in her ear. He was so easy to overlook. To disregard.
Sometimes, monsters hid in plain sight.
She could feel tears burning the back of her eyes. He's not right. He's not right. He's lying. Get to Danny. Get to Danny.
"You need to leave." Penelope took pride in the fact that her voice didn't shake. "Now."
Bertrand sighed, breath hot on her throat, and she bit down a sob when his nails raked trenches in her forearms. Red eyes came back into view. His stare was intense, probing, malicious. He could probably taste her fear. She hoped it tasted like shitty, bottom shelf liquor.
Judging by the amusement spreading on his slimy face, that wasn't the case.
"If you say so, little piyavka. But try to think about what I said, hmm? I'm a little tired of sitting and watching you play house with the warden. You're nothing without me. You never have been, and you never will be. Why would you think that this boy and that man will make any difference?"
Without any form of warning, he leaned forward and crushed his mouth to hers, tongue snaking its way past her lips and down her throat before Penelope could even attempt to fight back. She gagged, fists pounding against the shifter's thick shoulders. She tasted blood, rot, expensive wine. It was nauseating and violating. And it ended just as quickly as it started, Bertrand taking care to slap her viciously across the face before phasing through the wall, a passing farewell scraping her raw nerves.
"Goodnight, Penny darling. Sweet dreams. And remember!" He passed out of sight, devolving into a formless mass of black and green ectoplasm. "I'm watching."
Penelope sat there in the dark, shaking, terrified. She didn't know how long. Long enough for her ass to grow numb and her split lip to scab over. Her cheek throbbed. Her throat burned. Her wrists pounded in time with the core in her chest. She couldn't decide if she wanted to puke or curl up in a ball and cry. The room smelled vaguely of damp and rotting flesh.
She didn't move until Danny whimpered in his sleep, caught in another nightmare.
Mechanically, Penelope got up from the floor and made her way over to the bed. Danny twitched under the blankets, curled in a tight ball to protect his middle. The crease between his eyes had returned. He muttered to himself every now and again. Little words, strung together to make her chest ache.
"No, Mommy. . . 'm sowwy. . . . don' wanna . . . no p'ease!"
Swallowing around the pain in her throat, Penelope crawled into bed next to him, burying her face in his thick hair as she cradled him close. Her eyes burned. Everything ached. She still couldn't quite decide if she wanted to be sick. But Danny needed her. And she was starting to think she needed him. Because she hadn't experienced a moment of true, genuine panic like that in a long time.
"Hush, baby," she whispered, voice a little raw. "I've got you. No one's gonna hurt you. Shush, now."
Danny snuggled as deep into her as he possibly could, whimpering a bit. "No. . . don' take 'er. Leave 'er 'lone!"
"Shhh. . . I'm right here, baby. It's alright. I'm right here."
"No. . . I'll be good. . . P'omise!"
Penelope choked down her own emotions and closed her eyes, humming softly for a moment before whispering, "You are so, so good, Danny. I love you so much."
After a second, Danny started to calm, little hands bunched in the fabric of her tank-top.
"No one will ever hurt you again."
She let the first tears fall, and held her boy as close as she could without waking him. You're never going to be good enough for him. . . You weren't then, and you aren't now. . . You'll fuck him up, just watch.
"I promise."
~*O*~
"Jesus fucking Christ, Em, will you calm down for a sec?!"
That was entirely the wrong thing to say, and Johnny cursed his inability to keep his damn mouth shut for about the thirtieth time that day. Ember whirled on him, all green eyes and a shit-ton of fucking fire wrapped up in a package that stood about 5'2". With her platforms she might've been 5'5" but that was stretching it.
Didn't make her any less fucking terrifying.
"Tell me to fucking calm down one more time, shit-for-brains!" Ember shrieked. "I swear to God, I'll blast you into the next damn millennium! This is the last damn time Papa pulls this shit on me, I mean it!"
Johnny groaned and rubbed the back of his neck, glancing over at Taylor, who was staring at his little boots with a guilty expression plastered all over his chubby face. "C'mon, Em. You know Pops has his reasons for everything. I'm sure he didn't mean to leave you with Tay-duty at the Truce Party this year."
Tay-duty involved keeping their (former) youngest brother from blowing things up or generally being a complete shithead the whole night. Which, in theory, shouldn't have been that difficult. But nothing was ever simple where Tay was concerned. Especially bored Tay. Especially bored, upset, cranky Tay who had been expecting to see Pops at the party and instead got some half-assed excuse about not feeling "up to it" that year. Along with Bullet saying that they couldn't go see him at his lair.
Which Johnny totally fucking understood, dig? But that didn't make it any easier to explain to his sister, who was ready to bring hellfire and demonic screeching literally raining down on their heads. Because Tay had decided it'd be a great fucking idea to go and wish for something stupid like a laser canon from Desiree for Christmas. And, of course, the wish-bitch granted it because she was a fucking asshole.
It'd been almost a week and they were still cleaning up charred scales and drywall from the venue.
Behind him, Skulker uncrossed his arms and called out to Ember. "Quit blasting, damn you! I've just had this armor upgraded."
"Fuck you and your armor, borg boy!" Ember shrieked. "If I don't get myself an actual fucking explanation in the next three seconds, everyone fries!"
Johnny broke out in a cold sweat. He watched Taylor gulp, the little guy's eyes widening as he tried to shrink in on himself. Shadow was writhing anxiously in the back of his mind – fire and shadows didn't exactly mix – but Skulker seemed unfazed. The hunter growled around a jaw full of metal, flame mohawk jumping in irritation.
"It takes more than three seconds for an explanation, and you know it, Ember," he growled. "So come down here and stop acting like an infant before I make you. You're setting a poor example for the whelp."
Of all the people in the Zone, it had to be Skulker that could calm his sister down?! Johnny couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief when Ember's eyes stopped threatening castration. She crossed her arms, guitar slung (wonderfully) over her back as she touched back down to earth in front of Tay.
"Fucking fine, alright, just tell me why Papa couldn't give me a better excuse than 'I'm not feeling up to it.' That shit was weak, and I deserve better."
She wasn't wrong. But Johnny still felt nervous about telling this many people about Danny. That poor kid had been seriously fucked in the membrane. And, knowing Ember and Tay, they'd be hella excited to meet the new "baby" of the family. So excited they'd ignore the Tell Pops You're Coming Over rule. And then they'd probably either a) scare the poor kid shitless or b) get their internal organs rearranged by Penny after they successfully completed option a). None of that sounded even remotely appealing.
But here the fuck they were.
Johnny sighed again and slouched back against his bike. "Alright, none of you can tell anyone about this, dig?"
Tay immediately perked up. "What? Is it a secret?! I getta keep a secret?! Sweet!"
Without skipping a beat, Ember cuffed him upside the head, ignoring the loud yelp and smell of burnt hair that followed. "Yeah, yeah, we know all about Papa's anal-retentiveness when it comes to privacy. Now fucking spill."
This was going to end so badly. . .
"Pops got a new arrival sometime in November. A little boy named Danny. He's been out at the ranch with Spectra trying to get him settled ever since." The words tasted a little clunky, but that was the best he could come up with for the moment. "Poor kids really fucked up."
Tay's reaction was exactly what Johnny had expected. He leapt into the air, grin so wide it bordered on painful to look at, and shouted, "I'M THE BIG BROTHER NOW?!"
And three, two, one. . .
"What the fuck do you mean Pops has been out at the ranch with a new kid?! Without telling us?! What kinda fucking stupid-ass bullshit is that?!"
Johnny groaned and scrubbed a hand down his face. "Em, you're not listening. Danny's really messed-up. Like I accidentally gave him a panic-attack the first time I met him messed-up. Like the kid doesn't have eyes messed-up."
Ember froze. Taylor froze. Hell, even Skulker froze, and that asshat usually considered kids good target-practice.
"What do you mean he doesn't have eyes?" his sister finally asked, frowning through her swirling eyeliner. "Like, his eyes are damaged or he's blind or. . . ?"
"No," Johnny cut her off, "I mean he doesn't have any fucking eyes. It's just big pits of ectoplasm. Apparently someone had cut 'em outta his head before he died."
Ember turned vaguely green at that. Taylor started shaking.
"Holy shit. That's fucked up. . ."
Johnny nodded. "Yep. 's why Pops had Lieutenant Fuck-nut Shang-hai Penny. He said he couldn't deal with it all on his own, and she's the only one in the Zone with that kind of psycho-mumbo-jumbo to help him."
Taylor blinked up at him with wide eyes. "Holy shit, wait, you mean Spectra's living with Papa?!"
Another cuff to the head and Ember barked, "Don't swear! You're not old enough for it!" She then turned to Johnny with a grin. "Penny and Papa, huh? This I gotta see."
Dread crept down Johnny's spine even as Skulker groaned behind him. He thought he caught a muttered, "Not this shit again" but didn't want to comment.
"No. . . NO! C'mon, Em, my ass is still in hot water from the last time I showed up without giving him a warning! Even Kitty told me it was a bad idea! Don't go doin' somethin'. . ."
Both Ember and Taylor shot off towards Pops' layer in a haze of smoke, shouting at each other about a race as they went, and Johnny came to the sudden, sickening realization that he should have stayed the fuck in bed that morning. He turned and looked at Skulker, who seemed utterly resigned to his fate.
"Guess we gotta go after 'em, huh?" Johnny muttered.
"That would be the best thing to do," Skulker replied, rockets extending from along his cybernetically-enhanced spine. "But that doesn't mean I have to like it. Ember might be her Papa's favorite girl, but I'm decently sure he still hates me."
Johnny laughed and revved the engine to his Harley up. They both took off after Ember and Tay, leaving the lonely pile of rock to float through the Zone.
"Dude, Pops fuckin' loathes you. You're gonna die. Again."
A/N:
I. . . AM. . . RISEN!
So I've been sick as FUCK for the past two days and decided, hell, while I'm here slowly dying and begging the universe to just claim my fucking soul, I might as well work on torturing my characters a little more. Because why the fuck not? Thanks so much to all the reviewers who gave me advice on getting through my writer's block. And thanks to all you lovely reviewers in general! You're the reason I push forward with this story (not really, but you help keep the ball rolling) so I feel it rude to not acknowledge all the wonderful things you do for me.
And for those who may be confused by Bertrand's sudden. . . dramatic shift from the gooey little shit we know in canon, suffice it to say that I knew I had to have a personal demon for each of my main characters, a sort of catalyst to explain why they're them. For Penelope, it's Bertrand, who could have been a much more terrifying character if he'd been given the chance to really become an eldritch horror. But Danny Phantom was a children's show. . .
But then again, so was Ren and Stimpy and that shit gave me fucking nightmares for YEARS so. . . yeah.
Also Ember and Youngblood (Taylor) are little shits. And I love them. This has been a public service announcement.
ANYWAY! Thank you all so much for reading this far into my dark spiral into insanity, and I hope you've enjoyed the ride! Constructive criticism is always welcome, your thoughts are much appreciated, and I will see you in the next chapter.