MY FATE IS WRONG! as expected

by CacciaFulmini

7 Masters 9 Servant 2 Hachimans 1 Holy Grail and 3 Protagonists ready to fight for they dreams in a massive battle between ancient and nascent heroes the world has yet to see, Who's gonna win? the Loner, the Sword, the Homunculus or someone entirely different.[UBW storyline various elements from Kaleid & Apocripha Oregairu from vol 11]

10. The Homunculus III

THE HOMUNCULUS III

---

BUT FIRST A COMMERCIAL

"Ultra Cornflakes Einzbern Holy war"

"What's your favourite cereal?"
"Ultra Cornflakes Einzbern Holy war!".

"Which cereal replenish your mana?".
"Ultra Cornflakes Einzber Holy war!"

."That's right! And everyone likes Ultra Cornflakes Holy war! Even our mascot Medusa Gorgon-San".
"That's right I love...I love. Which was the name again?".

"CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUUUUUUUUT!
"Medusa, My dear, My splendind Rider it's Ultra Cornflakes Holy War. Did you read your script?".

"Uh ehm I'm sorry Einzbern-san, the Assassin servant from the first commercial spilled his coffee over it and well... no I never read it"

"Wh-What!? Someone give her another script!".

---

Take 2

---

"Ultra Cornflakes Einzbern Holy war"

"What's your favourite cereal?"
"Ultra Cornflakes Einzbern Holy war!".

"Which cereal replenish your mana?".
"Ultra Cornflakes Einzber Holy war!"

."That's right! And everyone likes Ultra Cornflakes Einzbern Holy war! Even our mascot Medusa Gorgon-San".
"That's right I love the Ultra Cornflakes Einzbern Holy war: they're the only cereal that are not only tasty, rich in fibers and hypocaloric, but also filled with nourishing mana that comes from the over 30 human fingers squashed among the pralines of chocolate in each box ...wait what?"

Crunch-squak
* hand put inside the ceral's box

"OH GODS!"

---

"CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...T! MEDUSA MY DEAR WHY AREN'T YOU PRASING THE BRAND"

"There are human fingers in those cereals!"

"DUH?! HAVEN'T YOU EVEN WATCHED THE BOX IT'S WRITTEN TWELVE TIMES!"

"you do know I'm wearing a blindfold and I perceive evrything around me through mana scanning"

"...didn't you just read the script"

"It was Braile! I'm out of here"

"Ah but you can't your Master already accepted the fifty boxes of Ultra Cornflakes Einzber Holy war as up-front payment"

"Matou Shinji is not my real Master"

"I wasn't talking about him"

"..."

---

Emiya residence

"Senpai I brought a box of special cereals, wanna have some for breakfast"

"But... but Sakura I like cooking breakfast, my tools like cooking breakfast"

"Only for today senpai.. pppllleeeaaassseeee"

"uh I can't say no when you do that face"

"Ah ha Victory, now just pass me a bowl"

"Here"

"There go the cereAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH another ring for my collection of surprises"

"SAKURA THAT RING IS ON A FINGER!"

"yeah... where else it's supposed to be"

"BUT THE FINGER!"

"Oh senpai wanna try one? Thery're delicious I ate like thirty yesterday"

---

AND ANOTHER RETARDED CHAPTER BEGAN

---

Did you ever wanted to avoid a conversation very badly yet had to go through it no matter what?
Well I guess that someone will say no.
And.
I guess someone else will reminisce about that time when he/she wanted to dump his/her girl/boyfriend and didn't know how.
Or that time when he/she had to explain to his/her parents why an entire credit card has been dried up on Fate Go.
Or that other time when he/she had just got dirty from head to foot in blueberry juice and suddenly the police knocked on the door investigating a murder that took place 15 minutes before beside his/her home.
(Yeah stuff like that happen).

Well let me tell you this in total honesty: nothing you experienced is close as bad as telling to a heroic spirit (able to snap your neck with his eyes closed) that his future wife was messing with magical artifacts meant to defy reality itself.

I mean really! I'd gladly watch a marathon of trashy hardcore yaoi anime in order to avoid it... Unfortunately life ain't that easy

---

"So let me get this straight Haruno asked you two to help her to activate an Avenger card"
Said Assassin massaging his temples.

"Yes" "Yes"

"...By patrolling the city and warning her when a servant dies"

"Yes" "Yes"

" And it's likely she wants to use the same artifact Yggdmillenia produced nine years ago to restart the servant cards project"

"Yes" "Yes"

"Fuck"
Groaned my servant squeezing the VIIs in his eyes while repitely slamming his forehead on the table of directive operations (for normies the kitchen table)

"Wow I never seen the oldman so desperate"
I thought while my wife was trying to stop my servant with kind words like

"Assassin calm down we're here for you" or"please stop you will get brain damage"

but eventually ending up with

"Hikigaya Hachiman fucking calm down, if you dare to ruin MY forniture I swear you'll never be able to stand again!"

And (oddly enough) it worked, Assassin regained his cool

"Okay I'm calm, I raised 300 brats I can do this... okay let's see: does that psycho woman know that the greater Grail is under the Ryuudou temple? And by that Literally under Caster"
He asked definitely still worried.

"Apparently" "It seemed so"
"Sieg we went out of sync" "Ah sorry let's try again"

"yes" "yes"

"And I thought the Homunuculs was the only weirdo. I'm too old for this... Brats you did tried to stop her right? like telling her how dangerous her idea was, or how stupid or fucking sucidal. HELL THAT WOMAN AND HER PLANS EVEN THE SALSA LESSONS FOR MARRIED COUPLES WAS LESS IDIOTIC THAN THIS!"
Snapped my servant leaving me and Jeanne...interdicted? What was wrong with Salsa's lessons?

"Kinda we tried but..." "She didn't want to listen"
Responded first my wife and then I leaving the oldman's HP in red

"Yeah I can imagine...always doing what she wants ah ah ah. Both of you're sure the card was the real deal, not some worthless copy"
Hachiman asked as he leaned on the table like an old cat (a deadly one though)

"Yes" "Jen nearly activated it on the spot"
We said regaining quickly the attention and energy of Assassin

"Come again?"

"Sieg I thought we agreed about the "NEVERMIND plan"

"Sorry dear but with your already delicate condition I'd like to avoid any surprises... the last time you hid something I kind of found you getting more acquainted with the floor"

" 1- 0 for the Homunculus ball in the middle"

"Assassin you're not helping"

"I'm not supposed to, I'm siding with the brat, now Jeanne Hikigaya D'arc the hell happened"

"Uh Nothing! All the cards are naturally drawn closer to heroic spirits' mana, when Haruno told us to examine the card I touched it and it started to absorb a bit of energy from me "

---

*FlashBack

"Haru-chan is this thing supposed to shine?"

*SSSIIIIIIIWIIWIWIWIWIWIIOW

"uh noo..."

"Jen, my dear, sweety, that thing is starting to tremble make it stop"

"I don't know how!"

"Oh right if it starts shining there has been a failure of some sort and the card is about to expel excess energy...oh fu- Jen-chan throw it away!"

"It's full of people here!"

"Good thinking my wife! Haruno help me grab a few of them we'll use them as shields!"

---

"Yeah, just took a bit of energy from me..."

"Okay Ruler... while holding the card did you feel something? Like: tastes, sounds or smells"

"smoke, I think smelled smoke"

"I see, Sieg did you notice something unusual?"

"Uh no too busy grabbing people"

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing I didn't see anything unsua-, ah no wait Jen eyes turned yellow for a second, but I'm not too sure: I just caught a glimpse under the colored eye contacts"

"Alter form... You just dodged a bullet Arc"

"Uh my servant: what's the alter form?"

"A negative representation of a summoned spirit. Technically speaking the mirror image of a soul, generated by a composition of negative concepts such as: anger, betrayal, fear... let's call it a spirit's shadow"

"An accumulation of dark energy?"

"Close enough. See the Alter transformation as the natural creation of a vengeful spectrum starting from a harmless ghost"

"So a balanced vessel that absorb negativity until it turns in an unstable monster"

"Bull's eyes. My guessing is that the Avenger card coming in contact with our dear Ruler tried to fuse with her. Still since Jeanne's D'arc historical records do not permit the generation of the blueprints for a Jeanne D'arc Avenger servant, the card must have attempted to Alter Jeanne's psyche until the Avenger form became possible"

"The highlighting of my dark sides to suit the Avenger role... But Assassin why did I smell smoke?"

"The Alter form can be triggered from a spirit's darkest moments..."

"My execution?"

"Likely, unless you have experienced other fire related moments oversatured of negative emotions "

"Don't think so...except that time you two set on fire my collection of Church's catalogs from all over the world"

"It was Assassin's fault! ehm... old matters aside. Hachiman what's going to happen to Jeanne"

"I dunno, right now do you feel different gamine? Like you feel more susceptible, have mood swings... well basically are you on your period?"

"Hikigaya your speech is ill mannered, rude and disrespectful, you know that as a servant I can't go through that state"

"...Master my thesis is confirmed, Ruler will be emotionally unstable for the next week "

"I'm not emotionally unstable!"

*Table crushing sound

"You were saying gamine..."

"Okay my bad... any other changes coming?"

"I imagine your "bad girl" action will be elevated to square"

*GEEEEEEEEEEEE (two servants staring at an hominculus)

"uh? Nani? What did I do?"

"Ruler...Jeanne, dear daughter in law... Don't wip the brat too hard"

"Daga kotowaru" (A/N who got the reference got the reference)

"I didn't say to stop just not too hard"

"Define too hard"

"Wait stop stop stop, why do you know my wife fetish! Why everyone know my wife fetish"

"brat who think taught her the wrist movement? suggestion me"

"You still need to teach me the proper inclination to pour wax"

" I already told you it depends from candle to candle I prefer 43,7 grades"

"LALALALALALALLALALALA I'm not listening Assassin is asexuated and does not teach my wife how to do S/M stuff LALALALALALA I'M GOING TO FIX THE GYM THERE STILL MY FACE ENGRAVED IN A WALL!"

---

"Ruler do you think he is far en*eghyfggg enough?"

Swdawdewsseswedsewwdv (mana disruption sounds)

"... yeah Assassin"

Tweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (Mana exaustion sounds)

"I'm going to collapse in about 40 seconds, you?"

"Now"

thun servant falling on the floor

"Can you pass me my blood candies?"

"Sure here "

"thanks *gnom gnom, I should put more sugar next time"

"Once you have done please give me a hand, things are about to get ugly"

"How ugl-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

thum sound of a second servant falling on the floor

---

"Neuzusammenstellung von Materialien.
Stärkung der Grundstruktur.
Schaden zurückgesetzt

(recomposition of materials. strengthening of the basic structure. damage reset)

"Okay that's it! Now my beautiful features are finally gone from this wall"
I said proud of myself

After five long minutes of precise work I finally managed to remodel the wall of the gym and erase my face engraved in the bricks. (even though It made the whole room prettier)

"Job done, now the great I shall return with Assassin and Jeanne"

I proclaimer smiling, yet a tiny part of my brain reminded me the nature of the conversation those two were holding.

my face immediately distorced in horror

"no no no too soon to return close to the perverts, better listen to the local radio news from my smartphone"

I whispered robotically while sweat drops kept falling from my forehead

With hindsight turning on the radio wasn't that great of an idea: there were close to zero news, I just kept hearing an endless repetition of the the same three boring commercials. "Buy this new tooth paste" "The car of the future is here" " Bandages with the offer 3 for 1 at every shop of our chain"...Wait the third one could have been really nice this morning after I nearly become a bloody stain on the wall...

THANKS ASSASSIN YOU DAMN FREAK!

God how could I have spent so many years to realize he's crazy. I mean really "The snake bares its fangs" was one sick technique, And Hachiman actually spent years to create it. you know why? JUST because he wanted a cool sparring move!
NOW tell me if it's normal because in my opinion it's not normal! LIKE AT ALL! He could already spam Marble spells and be considered as a living tactical nuke when he was a teen, BUT NOOOOO HE DECIDED HE NEEDED A MARTIAL MOVE THAT COULD LITERALLY CRUSH A DEATH APOSTOLE'S SKULL INTO PIECES!

(well that sounded kind of cool, like a fatality from mortal combat)

"Dammit Hachiman..."
I slightly laughed imagining the face of my stupid old man dozing on the sofa.

He had always been my example, even if he had many, no thousands of defects, yet recently a part of me had began to harbour a complicate feeling towards him

---

Flashback

"probably it would be for the best, but...I don't want to forget any of them, I want to remember all my lives all my families"

---

"You really don't make sense!"
I screamed letting my voice spread into the gym like a thunder rumble

"You're all about proficiency and precision yet you develope an utterly useless move, yet you refuse to break away from all those futures that keep weakening you!"

An explosion of rage engulfed, and as they were lava all the words I couldn't say straight in front of Assassin's face erupted out of my mouth.

"Isn't the present not enough for you!"
I roared falling on my knees while from deep within my veins a wave of red energy flared in the room.

*crash crash crash

The gym's mirror shattered into thousands pieces.

"...fuck again, it has been years since the last time it happened "
I bit my lower lip until a tiny stream of blood began to flow.

"I let my emotion slip out of control. Dammit I believed I was past this phase!"

I brethed deeply in order to restore the emotionless mindset typical of all Homunculi.

The red energy I never thought I'd see it again. Sometimes when I faced particulary negative emotions powerful crimson mana I wasn't acquaintanced with, started to surge from my body and destroy everything within a metre from me: in my opinion it was like a release valve to avoid my mind was poisoned by too many emotions at once...but I wasn't too sure.
I was only sure that, that thing had a nature similar to Siegfried's energy;
How could I say: Siegfried's power was like a tornado, this crimson energy was like a volcano, both of them were indomitable, spontaneous and aggressive.

I opted not to reveal Jeanne and Hachiman about this condition of mine because it was a problem that resided in my emotional sphere ANDDD that precise topic was the one I tried to avoid as much as an Harem protagonist avoids meaningful romantic confessions.

" Relax Sieg everything is still fine nobody saw what happened"
I told to myself compressing my emotion in a corner of my brain like usual

Schaden zurückgesetzt
(damage reset)

A single wave of magical poer and all the proofs of the mess I just made disappered

All the glass shards went flying from where they came from and the mirror was like anew, for a brief moment as the cracks disappeared I remembered the first time I used magic to escape from my tank in Yggdmillenia castle. I had really grown up from those days, I had become stronger, smarter, met people, made friends... Yet I had the painful awareness that I have never accomplished something on my own, I always followed Assassin's footsteps, I always had Jeanne ready to hold my hand.

I didn't like it, it was like I had somehow tarnished the choice that made me survive nine years ago: when I stopped being S.I.E.G.1 and became Sieg.

Could I be me by emulating someone else? By always relying on other people..

No...I had to be me, I had to trace new footsteps.

"Create something mine and only mine."
I muttered reaching for the bokken I left on the floor

"Well every journey starts with a single step...I should at least try to come out with my version (even though this move is usess)"
I thought looking my reflection in a gym's mirror

"So I can trust I'm not just the mirror copy of someone else"
I said assuming the pose of the snake finishing move.

"I reallu hope this is going to serve some purpose"

And then for the 135th time that day I performed the snake bares its fangs.

---

"198 attempts arf arf and I'm not arf arf a fingle step closer, dammit"
I collapsed on the floor

"God I feel pathetic. Mph suddenly I feel like I can understand Shizuka sempai"
I rolled on my left side.

For now I knew the first thirty steps of the snake attack and had adapted them to my fighting style, (good) but I was sure something was missing... like some kind of spark, an energy to make the technique truly mine. (not so good)
Shit... Doing something the best you can but, never reaching quite the result you expected was... like the hiatus of HxH or Berserk, Yeah it was frustrating.

---

"Oh it kinds of reminds me of you... a doll that was made to become a new hero, yet decided to remain a bag of flesh with no control over the world around itself.

---

"Hey Siri increase the music"
I said to cut down my inner voice

There was no mysterious voice in my head it was just my brain still a little damaged by the wall crush.

"music increased Awesome Artificial Human"

perfect

What was I doing yeah my HxH, I mean frustrating results...that maybe weren't only frustrating but also disappointing like the ending of Bleach and Fairy tail and Ersad and I'm losing the point here... Jesus why I didn't even managed to complete all the fifty steps

"this really sucks unless I come out with an Idea to get the sword out of my way for the steps from 31 to 49 I'm never going to create an useful version "
I muttered pulling my hair back with a hand.

Existence, my sword was too long to allow me to built up speed while moving forward. So the option for me were two:
1- I changed weapon
2- I came out with a high speed levitation spell or something along those lines

Since the option one implied throwing away a Noble Phantasm, I'd really preferred the option number two. But of course there was a problem, I didn't know levitation magecrafth actually I only knew battle oriented spells, base and suggestion ones.
I never really bothered to learn spells that could be easily replaced by mystic codes properly programmed. Besides I already had my hands full trying to master my Heroic Mana and surviving Assassin's training.

"Mmmm if I'm not wrong in my work-shop I still have a couple of remote control talismans from the phoenix lotus flower I prepared to kill Sasaki Koujiro, I might be able to implement them with Existence if I force it to shapeshift in Bahalmung"
I whispered between me and me.

I came out from the gym and without surprise didn't meet anybody, all the condos of this palace were lazy asses, they only went in gym to snap a few picture for instagram and then And OH GOD THE WEAPON I ORDERED HAD ARRIVED THIS MORNING! I TOTALLY FORGOT

---

meanwhile

"WAAAAAAAA"

"HACHIMAN!"

"R-ruler a hand please it still weights too much I can't lift it"

"Lift what?"

*max cofee can materialization

"Right, ugh dear lord how can this thing be so heavy, RRRRRrrrrrrrr okay I'm here, try to hold up your neck. Com'on Assassin. Perfect now drink!, tiny sips"

"Rghhhaaaa I... h ha have to drink like... 100 litres"

"... you serious?"

"Terribly"

"For crying out loud, chunk this stuff down like that champagne bottle at my wedding, you alcoholic servant"

"Are you still blaming me for that?! It's your fault if it was so damn goo-" *wawawawawawawawawwawawawawawawaw

---

Returning to the work-shop

" password required"

"Shut up"

"password accepted"

" Sate Sate sate let's see what I can do now"
I said opening a hidden wall-like door inside my figure garage.

sniff sniff

"it still smells like new car"
I muttered moving inside my provisional work-shop

It was a small room around 8 metres square illuminated by a blue light where I kept a bunch of stuff a.k.a my personal projects, unlike the weaponry garage this room was for ME and ME only, because a man needs a place where he does man stuff...and definitely doesn't watch hentai with arguable plot to review for his youtube channel, eh, ehm. Back to the original topic! Here I worked on my personal mystic codes that per se weren't really revolutionary or very innovative, but they were extremely powerful since I made them by combining runes, hieroglyphs, cuneiform characters, magic circles and many other techniques from different cultures and ages.
Traveling around the world for nine years with Jeanne and Hachiman I managed to come in contact with so many different realities and tried to learn the best parts from each of them; did you know that spells of Egyptian origin use mana frequencies complementary to those of Babylonian's one? And that if you chant in latin Scandinavian rituals the effects get doubled?
I didn't and as far as I knew the rest of the Moonlight world still doesn't.

"The phoenix flower, the phoenix flower,"
I whispered searching in the drawers under a work table

"Why do I always forget in which drawer I put the important stuff"
I thought avoiding the micro arrows of a living Arwain figure (from berseker) that I kept secluded in that drawer since summer ended.

"Dammit I should really destroy that defective mosquito killer"
I grunted before finding the right drawer.

"finally"
I exclaimed laying my eyes on the most powerful mystic code I had made in a while.

It was a pink crystal shaped like a lotus full of crimson symbols from different alphabets, with a careful movement I took it from the drawer and slip it in my pocket.

"There we go. Now this bad guy comes with me and Oh here are the remote control talismans, good thing I bought a few extras...in case I messed up...like last time"

---

flash back

EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE RUN EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

---

"Uh it's a miracle Assassin never discovered I accidentally let a phoenix feather explode...I'd never hear the end of it, don't play with fire Sieg gne gne gne said by the man who gave me my first gun, talk about no-sense"
I rose my shoulder grabbing the two stone talismans.

"Now now now, Hachiman said that the package from Maguszone arrived this morning soooooooooooooo, I need the thing"
I said turning around my work-shop

Unfortunately the thing was nowhere to be found and I didn't really recollect where I put it exactly... Shit, why I was so messy when it came about mystic codes, didn't I learned anything after burning three apartments, one school, two public baths and that burger king.

"Think Sieg think, were did I leave the sphere to accumulate mana, alias the thing Caules made. Fuck I can't remember what would you do Goku"
I prayed towards the figure/lamp that lit up the room of Son Goku.

It was one of my favorite figure extremely detailed and portrayed my hero charging the Genkidama sphere.
Wait a minute! That wasn't the bloody Genkidama sphere! It was the thing... riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight I used the thing as a light bulb to cut bills. Damn I was really a genius

"Thanks Goku I don't know what I would ever do without you in my life"
I thanked the only hero who never deluded me, before snatching the ball and coming out from the work-shop

Now it was time to upgread my toys

---

In the meantime our lovable servants

"awawwwawawwawa* ah, okay stop stop Stop already I'm fine gamine I'm fine!"

"Dear Lord I can't believe you actually drank all that stuff, my arms are stiff from holding you and that can for so long..."

"yeah sorry 'bout that"

"Don't mind it, now stay here on the floor until you feel better I'm going to powder my nose... ugh"

"..."

"ugh!"

"..."

"ugh!"

"Gamine you can't stand up can you?"

"ugh nooo, the mana in the blood I ingested before is not in circulation yet"

"Guess you're stuck with me for now..."

"...yeeeee..."

*awkard silence"

"Sooooo Hachiman wanna talk about something"

"not particularly..."

"Okay...*sniff *sniff"

"Oh that's a low blow Ruler you know I can't stand the sad voice, dammit FINE let's talk "

"Yippie you se-"

"Not about clothes, churches, food, or those trashy soap works you're so much fond of"

"you're no fun... but okay, well before how much mana did you use to stabilize yourself"

"More than I ever wanted, if I had Sieg do it on his own he would have probably died"

"Since when your situation became so unstable?"

"I guess since the fake Assassin was summoned or since the younger me arrived in this city, I'm not too sure, after all I've always been a bomb ready to explode... you instead how did your situation get worse so quickly I estemed you'd be more stable with the brat's pe...periodical treatment?"

"The Avenger card, in the moments I had it in my hands... it absorbed more than a bit of mana"

"...so quickly?"

"Yeah...It was already set on my mana frequencies. A dark version of myself already resides in the card"

"How's possible? The card has yet to be activated"

" I don't know, but I'm sure that artifact has devoured a catalyst bounded to my spirit"

"Not to be monotonous but how?"

"Again I don't know, but I'm sure that if the Avenger card is fully awakened a terrible foe will appear, imagine all my defensive abilities converted into offensive one"

"Shit she'd be a force of nature...unstoppable...but wait can we have Sieg tame her?"

"What?"

"Can. We. Have. Sieg. Tame. Her?"

"Define tame"

"You know, if there is a person that can keep you under control, that's the brat. I mean you were practically drooling after Sieg ten minutes after you saw him for the first time"

"Are you suggesting me to have my husband cheat on me with me!?"

"kinda?"

"No"

"It would be a lot eas-"

"Absolutely not, I am not making my man do lewd stuff with the first slut that comes out from the Holy Grail"

"Even if it's technically you?"

"Expecially if it's technically me"

"It doesn't make sense it's not cheating in the strict term if he is always doing it with you"

"Not the problem Hikigaya! What if she lets Sieg keep all his figures in the bedroom, what if she is some deviant who enjoys doing it under the eyes of plastic anime girls with revealing outfits! I may get outclassed!"

"Well that said by a pedophile who locally has SM sex with a nine years old homunculus is truly enlightening"

"I thought we were past the age issue..."

"Naa it's just that I keep my best weapons ready to shoot only in crucial moments"

"Shut up, Sieg's mind and body are those of a grown up man"

"And may you bless your God it's in this way, my dear master would be dead otherwise"

"What do you mean"

"Gamine for the last two years you have squeezed dry the brat every two days, if not for a mystical blue pill and A level dexterity he... BOOM dead"

"Now you're making me sound like a nymphomaniac"

"...deny it"

"... Not my fault I need mana, besides my husband doesn't seem to be bothered"

"you speak like you never saw him crawling on the floor begging for water after a night session"

"...should I give him a break?"

"Right now? No you're already too weak... but maybe after the war, slow down"

"I thought frequent coitus were the mayor interest of males... and I always tried to be close to perfection for Sieg"

"pfaahahahahahhaha you? perfect? Ahahahahahahahhahahahahahah?"

"Hachiman stop being pointlessly mean"

"ahaha Gosh do you think the brat married you because he believed you're perfect?"

"Am I not the ideal gorgeous woman"

"Fair point... but utterly meaningless for anybody who has spent at least a week with you, Gamine you know you have plenty of flaws and so do Sieg, no maybe he see much more flaws in you than you can imagine, but he has found something he loves so much about you that all those flaws disappear"

"that's deep"

"I'm stating facts, otherwise I can't explain how would he put up with you and your more disgraceful habits"

"Hikigaya Hachiman fuck you"

"Between the two of us I'm not the one who needs to"

"pffffhsahahahahahahaha"

"ahahahahahahahahahahah"

---

BOOOOOOOMMMMM

Upgrading a weapon.
An extremely cool sentence made of three words able to double the testosterone in a man and was like dirty talking for pro-gamers.
In collective imagination upgrading a weapon can be something fun satisfactory, but in reality it's a pure hell: an endless sequence of attempts and experimentations that could lead to massive explosions.

I mean there were countless things that are funnier to do, even I a Homunculus could emply my free time to do something less... spiritually taxing;

(Really the irritation after each failed attempt was the worst...God it made me just want to play Yandere simulator and kill everybody in my line of sight...)

But what do you want to do if there is a Holy Grail war to win you have to have the best equipment possible. Just imagine some dumb child swinging around wooden sword in a battle among heroic spirits, how stupid would that be?

Still.

*boom

It appeared that for today my upgrades weren't going anywhere.

"dammit Attempt two failed"
I said emotionless after a blaze of blue flames stopped coming out of my katana.

"Results: talismans are over, so no more attempt for a while and"
I licked my thumb and forefinger.

"my eyebrows have been burnt down"
I extinguished the last embers above my eyes.

*tsssss

Perfect not only I failed a project but even gave Assassin a new thing to tease me about. Dammit why I couldn't install a frigging remote control spell in my weapon without everything exploding!

I didn't even know where to start to solve the problem: Existence and Bahalmung rejected the talismans because the energy fluctations inside the core were too powerful and so talisman couldn't last. It didn't matter if I managed to merge there was always going to be a boom within a minute.

...well at least the weaponry garage was sound proof, gosh I could imagine all sorts of unpleasant conversation if it wasn't like that:"SATOU GODDAMIT STOP PLAYING THOSE GAMES WITH EXPLOSIONS INSIDE THAT GARAGE OF YOURS!" "AH I AM SORRY LANDLORD-SAN" " IF YOU ARE SO SORRY THAN GO TO TRASH THOSE DISGUSTING COMICS WITH NAKED GIRLS" "THOSE ARE HENTAI'S AND THEY'RE ART!"
*uff
Some people really were uncultured swines unable to appreciate the anatomical attention doujin authors put behind an ahegao.

"ahahaha ah... Today yet another failure."
I chuckled at my own fiascos sarcastic.

"first Haruno, then the technique and now my sword, everything really doesn't want to go in my way uh?"
I put my katana back into its black trunk.

*fuuu
"I did everything I could? But is never enough. Never enough"
I exhaled and leaned against a tower of caissons filled with explosives.

All my body had become gelly... I was truly depressed. The Holy grail war: the event I spent all my life preparing to was right upon me but all the training the plans and the resolve I built up until now seemed meaningless; Jeanne's problem with mana, Haruno being around the city and the fake Assassin at the temple were three factors I'd never been able to predict and that managed to shatter every possible expectation I had about the war.
I really didn't know how to move, sure taking down that Sasaki Koujiro was my top priority at the moment but then who was next?
Caster? Rider? Berseker?

I wasn't sure I even cared, Jeanne's time was getting shorter and shorter I didn't have the lux to be careful.

"I will win should the hell freeze."
I thought regaining a bit of vigor.

"After all the thing works perfectly, it doesn't matter if I didn't manage to power-up Existence (as much sad as it sounds), with the thing ready Hachiman will be able to fight on par even against a servant from the three knight class."
I proclaimed grabbing a the silver suitcase containing the thing in the corner of the garage.

"And I should be ready to take the matter at heart when the times are mature"
I gasped letting Siegfried energy run through my arm.

"even if it's going a road with no return."

---

Once I returned in the attic I found Assassin and Jeanne on the floor starring at the ceiling, they laughing about something, usually I would have asked what they were grinning about and then cringe hardly after hearing some dumb pun those two loved, yet since the nature of their dialogue before I came out around two hours prior was still in my mind I wisely avoided investigating and instead made a brilliant joke.
"oh look the palquet has become two perverts, this must be the work of an enemy stando"

Yeah got them!

"Hey dear, how did the repairs go?"
greeted me my wife turning her head towards me.

Oh my God her cheek was pressed against the floor...*DokiDoki it was way too cute for my heart, *DokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDoki okay that wasn't normal... DokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDoki Oh shit I had to restore some Moe balance in my blood pumping organ before it was too late! I needed something ugly.

"Brat why did it take you so long?"

Doki

"Perfect! Thanks Hikigaya Hachiman! Blessed your existence able to erase all the excesses of cuteness in the world with your dead eyes"
I thought while my pulse calmed down after meeting the eyes of my servant.

"The repairs went well sweety, I just had some problem erasing all the blood scattered around the room and old man...IIIIIII took so long because I went to prepare the last thing for tonight, while you...what did you do exactly Jen and I were with Haruno?"
I said exhibiting the silver suitcase containing the thing.

"Brat pay respect I bought the groceries for a week and since this woman right here eat like a starved bear, you can imagine how heavy those bags were! Oh right I also destroyed my past-self phone and put a disturber near Emiya house-hold we won't have to deal with Oroboro in this war."

"How dare you Assassin we both know Jeanne doesn't eat like a starved bear... I mean it should be three or four of them."

"Siiiiieeeeeggggggg!"
smiled dangerously Jeanne.

"D-d-dear it was only a comment... just to show appreciation to the old man for the groceries and WAIT...what did you do to your past self?"
I stuttered before realizing what I just heard..

"Brat listen on the first time people speak, I said I cut all the connection my past-self could use to contact Oroboro."
Repeated Assassin with the usual Fucking duh attitude.

" How?!"
I blurted out.

"ehehe that's the funny part I kind of met me while he was messing around with a servant's mind..."
Laughed my servant saying something outrageous.

Okay that was it! Today could literally not get any worse.
(A/N muahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!)
"The fuck?! Are you telling me He, you lasted a week, a single week, before getting entangled with the most dangerous battle of the Moonlight world."

"You speak like it wasn't already a result."
He shrugged totally unfazed.

...fair point.

"please tell me it wasn't the Rider from the Matou's family, it is the only servant that requires mana instantly so it's the only one that after meeting a not Master-Magus won't give up until it consume his mana."
I massaged my eyelids.

"..."

"Assassin!"

"why are yoiu screaming at me I didn't cause this mess!"

"yes you did, I mean him, that is you...you got the point."

"yeah yeah, but hey now we know which servant attack after the fake Assassin, isn't that positive?"

"Optimism you?"

"...pff I didn't sound believable even to my own ears, well Master we can't change the past, the mess is done, period now we can keep under control the backlash."

"You speak like this only because it's technically your fault if all our plans can go screw themselves."
I deadpanned my servant as he was trying to BS his way out from a tight spot.

"when did you become so perceptive?"

"from the moment a grumpy old man taught me how to read between lines, now Go. In. Your. Room."

" You don't tell me to go in my room , I'm the parental figure here!"

"and I'm the master that can order you to strip yourself and run for all Fuyuki Now. Go. In. Your. Room."

"fine... you used to be so nice."

"No I didn't."

"yeah you did not."

---

After Assassin crept away from the living room I was left alone with Jeanne that for some odd reason was trying to avoid to face me. At first I believed it was just me but as I saw her literally rolling on the floor when I tried to get closer... you can say I got all the clues I needed.

"Jen? What are you doing?"
I asked raising an eyebrow.

"I am rolling."
she muttered with her face squashed on the parquet.

"I can see it, but why?"
I inquired once more.

"You said I eat like multiple bears"
she pouted explaining nothing.

"and so?"

"It's a sensitive topic! Do you believe I like eating so much?"
She shouted starting to became red.

"You don't?"
I said clueless, how could she don't like food.

"Yes after a life passed first working in the fields and then on the battle tasting only cheap meals of course I love eating tasty food like the ones in this age."

she rebuked totally making me lose the logic behind all her complains.

"Sorry I'm not following your reasoning."
I deadpanned my wife who was still lamenting on the floor.

"I'm just sad you make fun of me over a thing I have no control over."

"Oh...and that's bad?"
I searched for confirm to my deductions.

"...yeah it's bad."
Jeanne replied grim.

"Even if from a pure scientifical point your diet and that of the bears are pretty much similar in the amount of calories in-take."
I started to take mental notes.

"especially for that reason."
she exclaimed blushing furiously.

magenta, scarlet, ruby her cheeks colored in a plethora of reds...Oh my god it was way too cute, but I still needed the crimson shade.

"..."

Why wasn't she blushing anymore?

"..."

I had to do something.

"Chubby-Jen"
I said to my wife dealing the last blow.

Now here it comes the crimson.

"Siiiieeeeggg- wait now you're doing it on purpose."

"tsk good bye to my daily Moe-flustered Jeanne."
I muttered while my plans went up in smoke.

"You rude, sneaky, homunculus!"
Snapped Jeanne jumping on her feet and pushing me on the sofa.

Tiny, but very relevant detail... my wife was a servant, so by pushing I actually meant.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Sent flying.

*Ptoin
I crushed against the pillows of the sofa and odd enough with all my bones still intact, COOL! But I couldn't move...less cool.

"Now is my turn with the teasing."
whispered seductive Jeanne reaching my immobile body with slow steps.

Apparently I had fallen in the lioness' nest anddddddd was it bad if I couldn't decide whenever I was scared or excited?

"Quick question who's on the other side of the knife? In. This. Precise. Moment."
She asked firstly placing her knees on my thighs and then blocking my wrists above my head with her hands.

"Me?"
I responded completely at her mercy.

Okay now I was legitimately scar...exci... you know what I'm going to take another moment to decide.

"Correct and do you know what am I going to do?"
She gave me another question pressing her well endowed proportions against me.

"NoIDon'tKnowButMyBodyIsSendingConflictingMessages."
I said while my spine and...the you know what, were hardening.

"Then close your eyes and you'll know, but don't worry you won't lose any mana."
She whispered in my ear.

OKAY THAT WAS IT! I FUCKING GAVE UP IN TRACING A LINE BETWEEN FEAR AND DESIRE, THIS WAS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND!

Gulping down my saliva I did what Jeanne said and waited, to be clear this was torture: she couldn't possibly activate rickety lust and say "you won't lose any mana" screw that! Take all the mana you want dammit!

*Gnom
My wife bit my neck.

"Eh Ah Stop, Stop"
I groaned while the slightly painful, hot and wet sensation of Jeanne's teeth on my neck made me squirM (A/N yeah with the M you pervs!).

And for five long minutes the show went on until Jeanne's stomach started to complain and she decided to stop before everything ended with cannibalism.
We decided to have dinner, yet since it was pretty late I just prepared a cold meal for all us plus Hachiman. Assassin and I ate quickly as tonight we were going to solve the unfinished business with Sasaki Koujiro.

"We're leaving."
I said on the war way transporting with me the Thing's suitcase.

"Don't be reckless."
Told me Jeanne sending me off.

"I won't, and you don't fall on the floor when I'm not here."
I replied winking.

"I promise."
she smiled before slowly closing the door.

"Ready Master?"
Asked me Assassin liting up a cigarette.

"yeah let's go."

---

"Repeat me one last time your plan."
I said driving my black car towards the Ryuudo temple.

"Master is not difficult I said: you remain in the car, I go stealth booby trap the area around the entrance of the temple, then I reach the spot Beta make everything explode and snipe Koujiro from afar with my Mater key, then you pick me up."
Explained Hachiman playing with the tiny axe-shaped rod of his "I" mode.

"And if it doesn't work?"
I asked tapping on the steering wheel.

"You turn everything in fire and blood with the Phoenix flower, I switch in Yukino mode and go all out with my Hatsuyuki (first snow) sword."
Hachiman replied cold.

"And Caster?"

"Fire and Blood brat, I have studied Sasaki Koujiro style if I don't hold back I can kill him in less than a minute."

"You'll reveal information about you to Caster."

"If I'm quick enough the worst she can discover is that my Noble Phantasm suck and I'm very dangerous."

"Okay..."
I sighed.

"Brat what's wrong?"
said Assassin as if he was trying to squeeze the words out of his throat... he probably thought he just kicked a bag full of scorpions.

"I don't know, I feel a bit undertone, all the Haruno and Jeanne messes, you know Haruno is a wild card, the moment I lower mt guard she could discover or do something bad, Jeanne on the other hand force me to be as proactive as possible to end this war quickly... If I do a single mistep everything built until now could crush in my hands, so I feel like I have to fight this war with an arm tied behind my back".

"I see... you indeed find yourself in a pretty shitty situation Master."

"Don't speak like it doesn't concern you too, if I don't win you don't get the grail."

"guess you're right..."
Grunted my servant.

"Hachiman, old-man why do you seek the grail? And please be honest in nine years you never gave me a straight forward answer."

"At the moment? Actually nothing."

"What!?"

"Don't look so surprised, since I was summoned as your servant I've had nine years free from serious problems. I managed to achieve all the tiny wishes I built up in my life: I saw the world without worrying about drug traffic or potential apocalypses, I become an house-husband (not in the stict term) and opened my own cafe."

"That is still intestated to my name."
I cut off my servant's corny words, before taking a tight curve in the mountain roads of Fuyuki.

God it was too foggy!

"Don't ruin the moment brat, the point is at the moment I have only two reasons not to ditch this war and those are CAR!"
Screamed Assassin while a vintage car darted out of the fog.

"AAAHHHHHHHH!"
I screamed rolling the steering wheel.

Thanks to some kind of miracle I avoided a frontal accident, yet my car lost the side mirror and a lot of the paint on the side.

"OI!"
I roared braking sharply and coming down from my car to have a talk with the driver of the other one.

"that criminal was driving at 100 Km/h on frigging mountain street!"

---

" Leysritt I told you two hundred times in Japan they drive on the LEFT!"

"Sella...I ...Forgot... Illiya said...to move... fast since she spent... too ... much time playing videogames...and she wanted to... freak out...the red...haired ...boy properly ...tonight."

"I SAID THAT BUT NOT THAT I WANTED TO DIE BEFORE WE EVEN GET THERE!"

"Illiya-sama what do we do?"

"I don't know! Use suggestion magic!"

"Isn't that not morally correct."

"I'm going to fight a war where people murder each other and you speak about morality NOW?"

"You... don't make... sense Sella... Get a grip."

"Illiya-sama Leystitt."

"Sella just... just go."

"Break.. a leg... Sella"

"Oh you know what I'm going to break(muble mumble)."

---

"Lady do you know how fast you were going?"
I shouted towards the maid-dressed woman who just came out from the car.

"Yes I'm terribly sorry, our driver will receive the Proper punishment, was anyone injured"
Responded the woman.

Damn there was too much fog around I couldn't see her face.

"No we are all fine, and in your car everything's okay?"

"we have not suffered any damage, again I will personally punish the driver"

"yeah yeah, listen have a very busy night so let's just go through the accident report and have the insurances do the rest"
I said closing the distance with the maid.

"Hmm insurance?"n
she stuttered.

OH FUCK...

"...please tell me you do have a car insurance"
I muttered while a blood vessel in my head had probably popped.

"N- I mean yes of course I have an insurance... that thin-"

"Hey why did you stop talkin-"
the maid and I stopped mid-sentence as we were finally close enough to see each other clearly.

For an instanct we both froze and "Homunculus" was probably the only thought in our mind as our red eyes met each other.

"Fuck why I didn't wore my contacts"
I thought unable to decide what to do next

For the first time in my life I was in front of a true pure breed Einzbern Homunculus, it was like I saw a relative... and oddly I found it plesant, yet if this woman was here it meant Illiyasviel von Einzbern was in that car.

"G-good sir wait here just a second I'm going to take the various documents."
Said the maid turning her heels and running towards her car.

*step step
step step step step

""Illya-SAMA!"

...

"Dammit she regained her cool before me."
I grunted rushing to Assassin.

*toc toc toc
I knocked on the car's window

fzzzzzzz

"Do you need the insurance's cards?"
Asked my servant emotionless

"Assassin change of plans we fight now!"
I screamed

"uh Why!"
he rose an eyebrow

"Berseker!"
shouted a tiny voice followed by a

"RGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Emitted by the most muscular thing I ever saw in my life

"Oh...that's why"

---

"Brat get out the way!"
Roared Assassin pushing me away from the car.

Suddenly I was sent flying, while a monstrous being tall two metres and half charged against my car like an american football player. The sound of broken glass and metal curling up filled the air, in the fraction of a second I saw my Prius being lifted off the ground and flew over the guard rail and falling into the void.

"Assassin!"
I screamed with all the air I had in my lungs landing on the asphalt.

But then a dark flash exploded in the car and Hachiman's voice said
" Master Key 3d maneuver gear"

*pwam
The car's door was brusquely kicked open, my servant jumped out from the falling vehicle with a sword in each hand and other gears around his hips.

"Rhaaa"
Roared Hachiman shooting two black hooks from his gear.
Whistling like two arrows the hooks pierced through the guardrail while jet of high pressure gas projected my servant upwards. *shuuummm
In a single moment Hikigaya Hachiman transformed from a falling bag of meat into a black shooting star: Using his equipment my servant created on the moment a giant slingshot to shot himself in the air above the road.

"Graaaaaaaaa"
Grunted Berseker as Assassin flew in front of him and became a black stain in the starry sky.

*CRUUUSSSSHHHHHH
My car landed somewhere.

"Let's see what you got mountain of steroids"
Whispered sharply Assassin in mid-air as he started to release mana from his whole body.

"Memento dolor"
Chanted my servant covering himself in hundreds of wounds before
"Dolor meus et fortitudinem"
converting them in black smoke and then reinforcing his blades with it.

Suddenly those straight sharp swords that remembered two cutters got darker and arched, like the fangs of a demon. Then releasing another jet of gas Hachiman propelled himself towards Berserker spinning like a death whirligig.

"RRRRR"
Loquaciosly responded the colossus, dressed only in a leather skirt, summoning in his hand a gigantic stone sword.

With the power of an hurricane Berserker swinged his sword to crush Assassin like a fly, yet my servant, Absolute, as I labelled him, shoot one of his hooks in the trees right next to the road and pulling himself out of the trajectory of the stone blade. Berserker attack failed shaking an unbelievable amount of air while Assassin reached the tree he previously hooked, released the third stream of gas and flew towards the giant calves.

*slassssh

A wet sound engoulfed my ears as Hachiman's twin blades cut through the muscles of Berserker and the pain magic he filled his weapons with bursted in the colossus body creating countless wounds of various nature.

"AAHHHHHHHH"
The servant's screams pierced the night.

Given the amount of energy Hachiman used Berserker should have fallen down on the ground like a dead leaf, but still that unknown Heroic spirit was way stronger Assassin anticipated: ignoring all his wounds and the blood streams running on his body the colossal servant spinned on his right foot raising his left leg. Assassin didn't even conclude to land his attack, Berserker adapted too quickly to the new situation and dealed one hundred pound rotating kick to my servant.

"Dolorem accipit potestatem"
Grunted Hachiman crossing his blades as guard and summoning a wall of black smoke.

With incredible response time Assassin couter re-adapeted to the unexpected turn of events, yet both his defences and swords shattered in front of the pure raw power of that monster.
"ahhh!"
In a matter of milliseconds Hikigaya Hachiman was sent flying towards me.

Fortunately shooting his hooks on the road he managed to land standing at my side, still, he was breathless and bruised. Hachiman had been clearly outmatched in both speed and strength

"Fuck this is a tough one"
He whispered poisonous

"Any plans Assassin?"
I asked him activating my magic circuits

"Don't know which weapons have on yourself?"

"Gun, throwing knives, Phoenix flower, Saber card and the ost-er both Existence and the thing are still in the car"
I said drawing two throwing blades from a secret pocket.

"Okay then we go with the scheme 5"
"Master Key Mamba shotgun"

Communicated Hachiman before using again the power of his Noble Phantasm and turning his shattered twin blades in a shotgun with three barrels.

---

MASTER KEY

The physical embodiment of Hachiman's relationship with Oroboro. It was both the most versatile and the weakest Noble Phantasm in my servant possession: a tiny axe-shaped rod able to become any tool, vehicle or not-magical weapon Hikigaya Hachiman ever owned in his life. But hold on if it seems awesome don't be fooled due to its high mana consumption this Noble Phantasm was virtually useless against most servants since the amount of energies and the time needed to summon a weapon able to obliterate a heroic spirit was absurd; without even mentioning that fuel and bullets had to be created with mana.

Ultimately pros and cons were not balanced

---

"Master Berserker is not moving, I can only see his silhouette with all this mist"
Stated Assassin loading his black shotgun

"That Einzbern must have ordered him to wait until the maid and the driver got out from the danger zone"
I responded reinforcing my eyes with a special spell

"thermische signatur"
(termic signature)

"yeah as expected"
I said observing two red stains moving away from the area and more little one getting closer to Berserker

"Deaktivieren atmosphärischer Agenten"
(disabling atmospheric agents)

Chanted a tiny voice making disappear all the moisture in a radius of ten metres.
Suddenly I could clearly see everything around m: the forest, the city Fuyuki right under the hairpin bends plus of course a little girl no older than ten with silver hair and that monstrous humanoid being known as Berserker who just planted his sword on the ground.

"Good evening"
Greeted the little girl bowing in her violet winter outfit.

"Yo" "Yo"
Greeted back Assassin and I totally emotionless.

"Beautiful night to kill right ?"
She said creepy.

"Dunno. Question of points of view"
"I would rather be on the sofa at the moment"
I responded meanwhile Hachiman acted like... Hachiman.

"Pfff if you two say so. Please allow me to present myself: I'm Illyasfiel von Einzbern, and judging by your appearance I suppose you're the cheap imitation who has survived too long... S.I.E.G.1"
Laughed Illiya pointing her eyes in mines.

In the moment we made eye-contact I felt a shock run through my spine and the urge to swallow seemed irresistible: this girl was challenging me and I, I wanted to fight.

"Master I need you to stall this game for 75 seconds, if I have to fight with this monster here without the thing I need to built up ammunitions and pain energy"
Mentally communicated Assassin as a thin veil of darkness started to flow in his weapon.

"Oh I see my reputation precedes me, I'm flattered that the young Master from the Einzber family knows about me, yet I must correct you my name is Sieg not some worthless acronym and... really cheap imitation is kind of offensive"
I told the girl theatrically trying to buy more time possible for Hachiman to develope an effective way to fight with Berserker.

I had to choose my words carefully, remain calm and

"Oh you do have feelings? I'm surprised I'd never expected a cheap imitation to have ones, maybe those thieves of Yggdmillenia did a better job than I expected, still an imitation remain a fake that puts shame on the Einzbern's name and it must be erased"

That brat provoked me... she did it on purpose!

"...OI rude loli, can you stop that annoying mouth of yours?"

"Why cheap imitation? Am I bothering you cheap imitation"

"A little, you know it's irritating being insulted by a doll that's only envious because while I'm a grown up man, she'll remain a brat forever. What your creators decided to cut expenses on clothing and theatres! Congrats you will pay the ticket with reduced price until you die, you must be pretty damn happy brat"
I exploded spouting a hail of sharp words, with every single syllable leaving my mouth Illya seemed to receive a punch and ,in lack of a more befitting way to say it, ...I DAMN WRECKED HER.

1-0 for the homuculus...wait we are both. 1-0 for the awesome one.

"What did you call me cheap imitation?"
Asked the girl gritting her teeth while OH Geez I could see a few veins pulse on her forehead.

"brat, didn't you hear me, perhaps your hearing is malfunctioning as it is your personality?"

"You talk big for someone who's going to die"
Grinned madly Illya before ripping from her head a single hair thread.

Suddenly the silver hair thread began to glow and became a bird shaped familiar that projected itself towards me and so without thinking twice I immediately threw one of my knives imbued with destruction energy.
In the time laps of one second my green blade and Illya's silver familiar covered the distance that separated them, then they clashed releasing glowing sparks all around, yet there was no game: Illya's bird was tore apart like if it was made of butter while my knife kept flying forward like nothing happened.

"Now tell me if this imitation is cheap Einzbern"
I thought while my blade nearly reached the face of the girl...
yeah nearly.
Just a moment before the knife reached Illya, Berserker moved his hand to protect her.

"Tsk"
I snapped my tongue as my weapon hit a target different from the one I wanted.

"rrrrr"
Grunted Berserker while the magic in my knife was released in his hand and literally shattered his middle finger.

"Berserker"
Cried the girl in horror as she realized her odds to win this battle were less than she imagined

"Master I'm ready, taunt her again just enough to make her completely snap. Once Berserker charge activate the card "
Told me Assassin via brain waves

" Roger, if it doesn't work we go with plan D-1-0"
I thought checking that the card in my breast pocket was fully charged

unfortunately my idea was exactly appreciated by my servant
"...you're joking right?"

"Nope"
I reeeeaaaaally wanted to use that plan.

"But it's retarded"
Tried to argue Hachiman.

"Especially for that reason none will expect it"
But I was the master and I took final decisions.

"You watch too much television"

"Your fault! AND NOW LET'S ROLL"

"... what am I ever going to do with you?"
Mentally sighed Assassin before dropping the mental connection.

---

*clap *clap *clap
I clapped my hands letting sarcastic sound waves echo in the air.

Illya was staring at me with eyes filled of some indefinable emotion, Rage? Fear? Surprise? I didn't know, but most of all I didn't care, she wasn't a person right now... yeah she was just an obstacle on my way.

and what do you do with obstacles?

"I must compliment you Illyasfiel von Einzbern: creating a living creature so quickly and so easily, you truly are a prodigy in creation magecrafth. Unfortunately for you, I specialize exactly in the opposite field"
I smiled cold letting green energy flow across my right palm.

"And let me tell you this"
I created four small spheres.
"Against me you don't stand a chance"
and then shot my magical projectiles against the abbandoned car of the Einzbern making it explode in an orange blaze.

*BOOOOOOOMMMMMMM

you crush them.

"So tell me brat, are you ready to face a cheap imitation?"
I asked with the face lit by the flames of the vintage car.

"You can bet I am"
Frowned the girl summoning other four familiar shaped like swords this time.

"Then prove it"
INSTALL SABER CARD SIEGFRIED

"WITH THIS COMMAND SEAL I ORDER YOU BERSERKER
murder them"

---

An erupting volcano, For short Eruption that was the world I decided to use to label that red mass of muscle and rage Berserker was.
He was physically superior anything I ever saw: the moment Illya completed her command he immediately disappeared with his sword leaving behind only a cloud of dust. It was difficult to say how much time passed before Berserker covered the distance that separed us: cents of second? milliseconds?
Well it didn't matter that much, actually the only thing important was that a gigantic sword-axe appeared suddenly in front of me and the only action my instincts screamed to do was guarding myself with my arms crossed.

There was only a tiny detail my instincts forgot: Yes I had indeed installed the saber card and thus gained Siegfried's armor and powers, re-thus obtained the Armor of Fafnir able to deny any attack of rank inferior to A class. BUT The attack incoming was definitely of A class or above!
Said in a nutshell If I dared to tank it... I'd have been tore apart.

So suppressing all my instincts I forced my body to remember all my training. In the fraction of a fraction of a fraction of... a fraction of a second I gave up on defence and focused on deviation.

"anticipate, endure, read the flow of each strike and bend it to your will"

Before it was too late I landed an upercut reinforced at breaking point with Prana burst and Heroic Mana right under the stone sword of Berserker; The sudden force upward made the colossal weapon's edge change its direction. That blade passed a hair thin space away from me, razor sharp wind lashed on my face and the amount of adrenaline in my blood stream skyrocketed.

"Com'on give me some distance"
I thought after the strike imagining that I'd be propelled backwards with all that air moving.

Unfortunately Berserker's slash had been so fast it actually left void space and as result I was sucked closer to the servant.
"You gotta be kidding"
I grunted smashing against the beast's calf, that bracket was still all bloody from Assassin attack... ew.

"Logic path(Straße)/open(gehen)"
Still I couldn't dare to lose even a second, so I immediately suppressed the disgust and tightened my grip around throwing knife I held in my left hand before stabbing Berserker.
"What the hell is he made of metal?"
I thought while I could barely pierce the flesh of the servant even though my blade was reinforced with high level destruction magecrafth.

" SIEG I'll make an opening!"
Mentally screamed Hachiman shooting with his shotgun.

*booom

He wasn't aiming towards Berserker but on the road: the Mamba shotgun mk-78 Assassin was using was an heavy weapon that tried to combine power and speed through shock absorbers able to completely absorb or leave unaltered the recoil of the shotgun.

Assassin de-activating the shock absorbers shot away half of the road close to his feet and in the meantime propelled himself towards the face of Berserker. Straightening his posture in mid-air my servant performed a flying kick covered in black smoke, when his heel nearly reached Berserker's face, the mad warrior's instincts kicked into gears and he managed to moved his head away before Assassin could land the blow.

"GET HIM!"
Roared my servant before using again with his shotgun.

*booom

An explosive sound drummed in my head while Hachiman pushed himself right behind the nape of our opponent.
"I trust you brat"
Whispered him in my thoughts.

I couldn't believe my eyes when Hachiman abandoned all defenses and still flying began to release a destructive rain of alchemich bullets on Berserker's skull.
*booombooomboomboooom booom booom
Still no modern weapon could be lethal for a monster such as the mad servant: all the projectiles just couldn't penetrate through Berserker's thick cranium. My Old man knew it yet he kept shooting and shooting to gather all Berserker's attention, really the big guy probably had even forgotten I was on his leg,

" He is crazy"
I thought getting away from Berserker's calf while Hachiman was still emptying his shotgun on the other servant's face, completely ignoring the fact that the latter was moving his axe-sword to cut him in two.

That idiot first plagiarized Aladdin with the trust line and then he expected me to save his ass in a situation like this? Jesus! TOO much responsibility at once!
Gritting my teeth all the world suddenly slowed down and before my heart could even beat once my energy and Siegfried's one flared up. The Saber card power rushed outside my body materializing a phantasmal version Bahalmung, like in my first fight with Jeanne, and then faster than a lightning

"GESTUGA TENSHOU"
I traced a green of pure draconic power through Berserker's torso severing in half his body.

TWOOOONNNNN

"One servant down six to go"
I hissed watching Assassin land safely.

Then I immediately concluded my transformation otherwise my mana would have ended before I even realize it; activating the card and unleashing Bahalmung's power so quickly without proper preparations had really burnt a good 30% of my stamina, if I have had at least Exsitence with me I could have saved more energy. Well now it was time to deal with the little girl... Wait how did I exactly deal with her? Take her as an obstage, leaving her on her own, killing her?

There were many different options, but I was sure each of them would end up giving me great head-aches.

"Better start with beating her unconscious"
I thought while a sudden light bursted near to me.

I didn't even get the time to think "Nani" I only saw Assassin jump on me and turn into a meat shield before a giant fist could hit me. A wild force abruptly lifted me and Assassin from the ground sending us to crash against the guard rail.

"uuahhhh"
I emitted a deaf sound along with a spout of blood.
My bones crept in places they weren't supposed to go, my mind became confused and I couldn't see straight.

Berserker and Illya were standing in front of me, but it's impossible I killed Berserker just a few seconds ago, I felt his spine shatter under my blade how could he be still alive.

"Hey Einzber didn't I kill him, how's your servant still alive: Senzu beans? Hashirama cells? Crazy Diamond?"
I asked in a pathetic rattle still trying to sound confident and not like I was on the edge of passing out.

"I don't know what are you talking about imitation, but I will answer your question if you survive this!"
Laughed the girl sending against me her sword familiars.

"Tiny bitch"
I thought making my magic circuits work like desperate and keeping eye contact with the two glowing swords.

"Defined familiar magecrafth codification
Engel Note: Angel's Poem,
shape
Degen,
purpose
automatic search target
principle
Thermal research of beings with body temperature between 34 and 40 grade celsius

Hacking

* #§

principle
Thermal research being with body temperature between 100 and 500 grade celsius"

Directly chanting the words in my brain I put in resonance my od, the raw energy tha lies within a soul, with the familiars' ones. modeling my power in the time a normal person would usually blink, I messed with the basic commands that controlled the phantasmal swords and redirected their attention towards something different from me.

To be precise the Einzbern's car I set on fire a few minutes ago.

"So I'm listening Einzbern how's he still standing?"
I muttered while the two familiars did an U inversion, flew away from me and went to vandalize more Einzbern's car.

For five good seconds Illya didn't open her mouth, she was too astonished her spell failed her,then she gulped down and whispered emotionless.
"...cockroaches are really coriaceous"

"I'll take that as a compliment"
I grinned enduring the pain from my lungs, probably that was the least insulting thing this girl was ever going to say about me.

"It was meant as one, how did you do that?"
She asked ripping another of her hair and studying it between her fingers.

"Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, answer for answer"
I answered quoting the code of Hamurrabi trying to get out some reaction from Illya; maybe Berserker came from Mesopotamia.

"...Berserker posses multiple lives that's his Noble phantasm, God Hand"

"GRIFFITH!"
I screamed out of pure reflex spitting a bit of blood on the violet doll.

"What was that for!"
Screamed the girl cleaning her cheeks in disgust.

"ops...my bad, sorry we were talking about Berserker, then the God Hand came out and... It was a reflex"
I apologized...wait why was I apologizing? This was a death battle for goodness sake.

"You're very lucky, I want an answer from you otherwise you'd be a stain on the road by now"
Illya stepped closed to me of course remaining outside my arm reach.

"Good she doesn't know I've a gun"
I thought humming my lips that tasted like metal.

"you're not exactly giving me good reasons to speak right now"
I commented pointing out the logic: I don't answer I live.

"But you said answer for answer"
She retorted with the high pitch voice typical of a child who just lost in a game

"Did I? I don't remember"
I played dumb

"Yes you did"

"No I didn't"

"You liar"

"I'm an adult, I'm by contract a liar"

"Ah so you admit you were lying"

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"WAAAAAAAAAA Berserker tell him something!"

"RHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"EWW droll of servant in the mouth, pause pause, ew it's disgusting, did this guy ever cleaned his teeth, his breath is so bad it could be a noble phantasm"
I kept fooling around while my right hand slowly crept towards my gun.

Other ten seconds and this night's battle was over.

"Imitation give an answer now or your servant dies now"
Illya imposed herself pointing towards the person lying at my side I completely ignored until now.

"A-Assassin"
I stuttered turning my head in his direction.

A sudden attack of nausea bursted in my stomach; Hachiman was barely conscious stuck in the guard rail, with his face completely drenched of blood and his chest bent in a strange way, all his ribs had probably been shattered by the punch he tanked in my place, his magic was automatically healing him but this... was way beyond any injury he sustained in the past nine years.

In a single moment all the calm I struggled to maintain while talking before disappeared. Hachiman... Hachiman, he oh God no no, this couldn't be happening.

"The shape shift! The shape shift"
I said in hurry as the pain I felt in my lungs seemed now meaningless

"Your familiars are able to shape shift after you create them thanks to an input you transmit in the air with your od. I exployed this weakness to modify the internal protocol of that sword"
What was I doing playing my cards all at once, was I stupid, Did I have a death wish?

No... I was only terrified of losing my family in front of my eyes... It's scary the power despair held.

"That's impossible all my spells respond to me only, and even if you knew the correct frequencies your mana signature is still too different from mine to work"
Argued the silver loli.

"False. Scientifically speaking magecrafth works through the resonance setting of multiple dimensional layers that are bounded together by the only thing able to travel among them... mana. All these dimensions have their own physic and rules, if you know how to interact with precise loop points mana signature and other similar formalities become meaningless."
I disclosed one of the most precious secret Oroboro and ergo Hachiman disclosed to me.

"No... no what are you saying magecraft is the artificial reenactment of Mystery, It is the ability to bring about what is possible through science with supernatural means... There's no scientifically speaking. The process of Magecraft is considered a miracle, the end result is not. Everyone knows that, don't you dare to manipulate the dogmas of magic just to hide a petty trick."
Belittled me Illya while the fundamental of knowledge that accompanied her all her life just got shaken.
In her crimson eyes I could see a faint insecurity, a microscopic crack in her armor made of convictions. And unfortuantely for her I wasn't the kind of person that would ignore a weakness like that.

Illyasfiel von Einzbern from all the information I gathered was just a name: the final product of the Einzbern family their last masterpiece a Magus with 70% of her body made out of magus circuits. I didn't know anything else about her, yet I felt some kind of affinity with her, both of us had been created to achieve a purpose, but for some reason we both had an ego that differentiated us from the normal stiff doll-like homunculi. We weren't human and we weren't truly homunculi. We were just ourselves alone in the world. For this precise reason the things we treasured the most were constants: people, objects or facts that were there for us in every possible scenario.

So in the same way I freaked out seeing my old-man so close to die, Illya was losing control of herself in this moment as the seeds of doubt invaded her knowledge.

" Miracles and Miracles! How can anyone be satisfied with an answer like that! There's no such a thing as a Miracle, magecraft is just another science!"
I proclaimed speaking loud and clear while blood kept appearing in my mouth and I decided to switch my attention from the gun to another weapon in my pocket.

One that would make both me and Assassin get out from this situation.

"Every spell from every school use determinate dimensions to actualize a domino effect that generate a response in our reality. Nordic Runes for example, they interact with 30.000 dimensions in a given section of all the possible dimensions, in base of the amount of mana used a certain amount of these dimensions is activated, and in base of personal skills the most effective ones are activated or not. Since it's close to impossible activate all the dimesions matched with a type of spell there are always blind spots that can be exployed, especially with spell's that can change their own nature through remote controls"
I explained without breaking eye contact with the girl.

"Actually at the end of the day magecraft is like ripples in a lake and all magi pretentious kids that keep tossing stones in it without understanding a damn thing!"
I finally reached my secret weapon now I had just to put Illya in a corner.

"Is kind of sad that you and I are products of something this stupid"
I whispered finally seeing the insecurity in her red eyes burst and her face crack.

Belittling her existence by belittling her creators, truly a blow under the belt for a homunculus, but it's not like I've ever cared about being fair, the important was winning... God how many yu-gi-oh battles Haruno won because I indicated her the cards of the opponent with our secret gesture alphabet.

"...You're lying mom wasn't something like that!"
Muttered Illya with an expression difficult to read.

Mom? I was missing some serious back story here, eh how could an homunculus have a mom, well it didn't matter the girl had been destabilized enough it was time to slope off.

"well allow me to show you my thesis. Feuer, teine, ignis, fotiá, אש, hariq, all these words means fire "
I grunted forcing my self back on my two feet while dozens of tiny flames appeared all over the place.

"each of them triggers a base spell from a different magical culture thus affect different dimensions"
I tossed in the air my secret weapon: a crystal shaped like a lotus.

"...IMAGINE IF THEY ARE COMBINED, PHOENIX FLOWER RANDOM PROTOCOL"
I roared grabbing Hachiman and jumping down from the guard rail while a ball of fire enveloped the road.

---

("Ah EH IH OH UH FucK fUCk fuck ah dammit dammit dammit ouch"

I kept swearing rolling down the mountain road.
By the way I was also trying to shelter Assassin with my body so all the rocks, branches and funny stuff you could smack your butt against in this funny ride were all reserved to me... yeeee.

"Oh tonight was supposed to go much more differently"
I exhaled crushing in the trashed remains of my car.

"Assassin how do you feel?"

"mhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

"hang on"
I said climbing in what remained of my car and...mentally cursing Berseker.

With a few difficulties I opened the dashboard and took out a metallic box filled with a red cross on, the supposed first aid kit, still instead of plaster bandages or other stuff there were only a bunch of tiny ametysts filled of healing magic. I put in my mouth four or five of them and enjoyed the pleasant power repairing the damge inside my body.

"say ah"
I shoved inside Hachiman's mouth a dozen of crystals and then forcefully opened and closed his mouth chew them.

Purple lines started to appear across all his body while the various injuries disappeared. Good now I had just to buy some more time until he woke up...possibly within a minute or we were screwed.

"Phoneix Flower:
Remote Access: initializing
Password : jqstw009prs
General info: mystic code number 387, Owner Sieg Hikigaya.
Sealed shape: lotus crystal (not in use)
Active Shape: 60 bird units (48 assault, 12 control and coordination)
Current setting: Random protocol.

Switch

start: pure control activation"

I chanted filling my voice with mana before my sight was merged with the one of 12 different observes generated by my mystic code.

---

Have you ever seen those video on National Geographic where some man with a barely cured beard explains you flies see?+ If your answer is yes good you can understand how I saw the world after activating my mystic code... otherwise GO GET SOME CULTURE DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW FLIES SEE UH? UH!

TV entertainment tastes aside.

My vision split in thriteen different perspectives, twelve of them allowed me to see the road I was risking my life just a few moments ago and the remaining one an old man healing... Guess which was more depressing?

By the way on the road Berserker was sheltering Illya with his massive body while a flock of 48 fiery orange birds was flying randomly tracing lines of fire in the air.

"Perfect, just as planned"
I muttered as my decoy was working pretty decently:The orange assault units were swarming fast and deadly all over the place making an area of about 40 square meters impassable, any homunculus or human would have been burnt crisp in a second, in fact Berseker was impossible move away from Illya without letting her roast. We had reached an impasse Illya was stuck until I maintained the spell and I couldn't harm her until Berseker was her meat shield. I moved the control units around to see if I could find an opening, but there was nothing to do Berseker was curled up around his master like an impenetrable barrier, plus I couldn't dare to let my opponent notice that the twelve control units looked a bit darker that the assault one; If Illya saw through that detail she may understand that I could operate so many semi-familiars at the same time because I had 12 tiny repeaters that controlled four units each, with the right timing and luck it was possible shot down some of them and thus drastically reducing the number of assault units.

"Now what do I do?"
I thought sending a control unit high in the sky.

From up there I could gasp just how far I fell from Berserker, to be honest I was almost scared: I rolled down from quite the distance. Still escaping wasn't a possibility, my range with the phoenix flower was around 800 metres and if my attacks were to be dispelled Illya and Berserker would resume their assault in an instant.

"Unless I discover how many lives that monster has left there're too many risks"

"See the bigger picture brat, if you can't break their bodies break their spirits"
Groaned Assassin with refound awareness.

"Hey Assassin still alive?"
I asked while the corners of my lips were itching into a smile.

"I'm breathing"
He got more comfortable on the rock I left him on

"good, what were you philosophize about?"

"her servants"

"THERE ARE MORE HEROIC SPIRITS"

"NO! The maid and the driver they must be still around, if we can lure them out we get useful hostages or decoys"

"Right, I'll scan the area"
I held two fingers in front of me focusing on the control bird I sent above as a scout.

Illya was in the same place , we were still here and

"Oh.."
I turned towards my left and shot two bullets in the bushes

*Pam Pam
"AAAAHHHHH!"
A woman screamed
"One"

"Sella!"
"and Two"
Another female Homunculus, dressed like a maid, jumped out of the bushes from the opposite direction charging with a halberd.

*swwwam
She brutally lowered her weapon towards my head.

"Weak"
I stopped her attack with one hand grabbing with reinforced fingers the space right behind the edge.

"Uh"
She squeaked confused.

"Nice try fellow homunculus, but that's how far you go""
I slightly bowed before

*pam pam pam
Releasing four alchemic bullets in her guts.

She could only emit a "bruha" before having blood seeping out of her mouth and collapsing on the ground.

"L-l-leysritt, Leysritt"
Begged the other maid crawling towards her comrade.

"Even though I shot through her knees she keeps moving... impressive"
I thought before silencing her with the back of my gun.

"Assassin we got our hostages"

"Kukukuku quick and precise, nice job brat, grab your sword and the thing, I want to teach that tiny Godzilla he messed with the wrong servant."

---

MEANWHILE ILLYA

"Com'on, com'on, please work before I end up bald"
*FTZ (sound of a magic hair frying)

"RHAAA"

"I know it's hot Berserker, but keep in mind: I'M THE ONE THAT'S DRENCHED IN SOMEONE ELSE'S SWEAT"

"RHAAA"

"I'm working, I'm working, but the design for the defensive familiar isn't working, it requires emotional codes I rarely experienced in the past ten years"

"RHA"

"Excuse me !? you had to think about it first? How could I know you wouldn't be enough to solve the problem"

"RHA RHA"

"Yeah it's your fault, you should have been able to crush any issues, but look at us THE ISSUE IS CRUSHING US! "

"Rha"

"Eh? The Issue stopped?"

"Illyasfiel I've come to bargain!"

"rRhhhggrr"

"thanks...I could tell we got company Berserker"

---

"This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy"
I kept repeating like a mad man climbing back on that Goddamn road.

How many times I nearly died in thisthat place 5? 4? Standing to my politique it was already 5, 4 times too much.

"And you're not helping"
I frowned against the motionless body of a maid I was carrying on my back.

"There. you. go."
I tossed the body past the guard rail.

"And here I am, finally a flat surfice"
I drew my sword and caught the silver hair on my humanoid package

"Illyasfiel I've come to bargain!"
I screamed stopping my fire birds and pulling up the package's face.

"Bargain?"
Asked with a proud Illya coming out from her flesh hide.

Pff hilarious, her voice was totally in contrast with her sweaty and burnt clothes.

"What could you possibly offer cheap imit-"
She stopped mid sentence realizing what I had to offer.

"Leave her now!"
Illya screamed summoning one of her bird familiar.

"As you desire"
I let go the maid's hair making her face smash on the road.

"Bastard"
She launched her bird

"...this girl she never learn"
I sighed destroying her familiar with one of the fire bird I was keeping in stand by all over the road.

"no no no, that's not how bargains works"
I stomped on the head of my hostage.

"I make a propose, you make a counter propose and then we search an agreement that's how bargains works"
I put a bit more weight.

"You want a propose Berserk-"

"Ah ah the moment Berserker moves my birds will roast you and if that is not enough Assassin is here too"

"..."

"Good now let's talk this out like mature people, I'll give you this girl tonight in exchange for the true name of your servant, for the other one you'll have to retreat and tomorrow I'll leave the her in front of Fuyuki's church."

"You are talking big cheap imitation, why would I disclose such important information? Sella and Leysritt are only two servants made to protect me, they're ready to be sacrified for my sake"
Spoke emotionlessly Illya.

Her voice was cold, she was just repeating a sentence she learned by heart.

"I'm sure they're otherwise they wouldn't have tried to set an ambush. Yet I wonder are you ready to sacrifice them?"
I asked removing my foot from the maid's head and staring directly in Illya's eyes.

"Of cours-"

*Swinnn
I stuck my sword in the asphalt a centimetre away from the maid's throat leaving Illya paralysed

"Dilated pupils, hyperventilation, accelerated beats: obviously lie. Illyasviel von Einzbern you're like me, a being that struggle to understand the concept of love or affection, but that would never abandon what it really treasure. You can't sacrifice your servants so stop pulling out that useless proud mask and make a choise before it's too late"
I pointed at her making all my semi familiars spin around the two of us.

And so as the two of us were enclosed in a wall of fire I asked.
"Do you accept?"

"Counter offer, I give you only the region of the worlds where Berserker comes from and I ignore you for the next three days, we could even met in the middle of another unrelated battle and I wouldn't make a single move against you"

"How do I know you'll keep your promise?"

"Right back at you how do I know you'll respect the agreement and leave Leysritt at the church tomorrow?"

"Feeding people is expensive and if I was to starve her I would have straight up killed her...saves time, besides it's meaningless for myself direct all your anger on me by not honoring my part of the deal"
I said diplomatically

"Fair point"

"Deal?"

"Deal"

"First the region, then the girl"
I said drawing a gun different from my usual one and pointing it towards the maid's head

"Persia, Berserker comes from the ancient Persia"
She lied with a straight face, or with something close to straight face, her eyebrows twitched of a millimetre giving out she was lying... In comparison to three seconds ago she already made significant progress at deceiving people.

"Wow this girl really doesn't give up... mha I guess that's fair after all I got a surprise for her too... at least now I know Berserk is not from Persia"
I thought lifting the maid and tossing her in the air

"Sella! Berseker catch her"
Ordered Illya resembling more a survivor of the walking dead than the doll she was at the beginning of the evening.

With a swift movement I aimed my unusual gun towards the female body flying in the hair. The weapon with its silver body and futuristic design warmed up in my hand while a glowing blue sphere placed instead of the hammer shined of blue. Yeah the thing in my hand was the thing, an highly advanced mystic code able to shoot highly condensed bullets of spinning mana, I called it the Rasen-gun.

"Assassin time to shine"
I shot the mana bullet towards the maid's body.

*swin
The energetic projectile hit the body leaving behind an azure trace.
The second after Berserker caught the falling body, yet the eyes of the servant didn't meet two crimson orbs, but a pair of purple II.

---

"So you'll play the unconscious maid with Haruno's Noble Phantasm and create an opening"

"Nope you'll create the opening, I'll use what you can give me just use the thing properly so I can switch mode in mid-fight"

"Rasen-gun"

"I refuse to call it like that"

---

Like a cold winter breeze a single word left Hachiman's mouth
"Yukino"

*sszzzziiinnn
and with the blade that appeared in his hand he severed the head of Berserker.

"Round three little lady"
Said Assassin jumping down the decapitated servant and sticking his sword, Hatsuyuki, in the asphalt .

Suddenly a pillar of light enveloped Berserker resetting him to his original state, yet he didn't even had the time to roar, grunt or even think for what I knew, because a giant paw of ice surged from the road and sent him flying across the wall of fire I created.

"Berserker!"
Screamed Illya as her servant was blown away by a...

"Hokkyoku gādian"
(Arctic Guardian)

a

"PAN-SAN!"

a colossal Panda made of pure ice

"Now
fear me Berserker
because I have faced challenges bigger than you can imagine
Because I had to search for every limited edition of a damn puppet for over 50 yeas of marriage!
If you think that sword of yours is enough to beat me you're FUCKED!"
Shouted my servant in a "this is Spartha" fashion, charging at Berserker on the back his Noble Phantasm

... yep that was it an ice golem shaped like a panda.

---

"You lied! Where are Sella and Leysritt?"
Screamed Illya reinforcing her lower libs to jump above the fire wall that surrounded us.

"Did't I already tell you: I'm an adult I lie for contract, besides your attention should be focused on more pressing matters"
I commanded my assault units to attack the tiny girl.

"Damn you!"
She ripped a dozen of hairs summoning swords and birds.

The second she landed our respective spells started to clash filling the air with explosive noises and energetic sparks. With my surprise Illya proved herself more tenacious than expected, in the brief moment of her jump she smartly came out with a plan to counter my attack: She made spin around her all the sword familiars to act like shields while sending around couples of birds bounded by a thread to cut down the number of my tiny phoenixes.
I have to admit I was enjoying myself, a combative grin appeared on my face as I was pushing Illya more and more on the defensive; from a pure statistic point my familiars were more powerful: every single of them could in fact pierce through Illya's birds shatter her swords with two directly impacts, what balanced the game was that Illya's spells were more versatile than mine and she could add new familiars un til she had hair on her head.

*Bom bom Pow

Crimson and blue explosions kept growing in number and intensity around the violet doll. According to my estimates Illya had lost fifteen swords and thirty-six birds, still for some reason her mana resources didn't give any sign of drying up, she was keeping to rip her hair and create familiar like her reserves were unlimited, the whole thing made me anxious; the number of my phoenixes had decreased of ten meanwhile Illya was slowly crawling her way out from the corner I drove her in before. If things just progressed in this way I may end up cutting off her legs with Existence to assure my victory.

"Com'on Einzbern fail, I have to hurt you just the minimum necessary"
I thought while stupid emotions went to ruin the precise and logical gears of my mind.

Unconsciously I made slow down my blazing assault and Illya, immediately noticing this change, ripped off another of her silver hair and created a familiar I had yet to see.

"Speer"
She chanted turning her hair into a glowing javelin and sending it towards me: It was a silver dart composed of pure raw energy, it didn't have any feature of pilotage, it was just a spear shaped bomb.

"Bahalmung"
I said channeling in my blade the last bits of Siegfried's energy I still had in me. Existence immediately shape-shifted in the broadsword of the hero of the Netherlands and with a bluish arc I sliced through Illya's attack.

"dammit"
I grunted as I accidentaly released a beam of energy towards the girl. I didn't want to kill her!

Pure terror ran through Illya's crimson eyes as she was surrounded by a flock of fiery phoenixes from left, right and behind and had a condensed mana laser coming for from the front.

"Schildglocke"
She dived laterally and trying to summon a defensive magic...yeah trying a bell shaped shield began to form around her, but it suddenly shattered before being completed, letting Illya defenseless in front of my phoenixes.

"WAAAAHHHHH"
Her right arm got scorched and her crying voice resounded all over the place like a shattered window.

"narrowly escaped"
I sighed relived that the violet doll survived... this war was going to spill already too much blood at least I wanted to avoid ending the existence of fellows homunculi.

Responding to the voice of his Master Berseker immediately abandoned the fight with Assassin and to protect Illya jumped right in front of her. His condition was terrible: Berserker's chest was a riot of cuts, frozen blood was all over his face and weird pieces of ice were moving around his body leaving new injuries; his sword hand had been almost amputated. Still the mad warrior seemed nowhere near to be defeated, the moment he landed he cut down five of my phoenixes with one movement of his sword.

"Tsk those things are precious"
I hissed retiring the other units above my head.

"RHGAAAAAAAAAAAA"
roared the big guy, like an animal defending its territory.

Berserker looked like a lion protecting its child, he was trying to incute fear in my heart with his thundering voice and menacing stature to keep me away from the trebling Illya who holding back the tears and hugging the burned arm...I hate to say it but it was working Berserker was fucking scary.

"arf arf... I appreciate a pause, but arf... arf you have to get back here Steroyd-san arf... arf I seriously want to end this fight"
Said Assassin wrapped in the cold mist reaching my side.

Like Berserker, Hachiman had really seen better days too: his battle suit was torn in countless points and had as many injuries scattered on all his body; the only thing that kept my servant away from mayor blood loss was all the ice he used to seal his wounds.

"Are you okay?"
I asked watching his state.

"I'll be better when I won't have to worry about his guy anymore"
Chuckled Hachiman rising his one handed Japanese sword.

"Saisho no yukigafuru"
(The first snow falls)"

Suddenly all the ice remaining on Berserker expanded sealing the monster into an armor, no a coffin, a panda shaped coffin.

"Rhhaaaaaaaa"
Berseker twisted himself trying to get rid of the ice, he scratched, punched and bit every that was freezing around him. Yet even his herculean (A/N Sieg get a grip!) strength was enough as from each of his wounds crimson ice started to bloom as well.

Illya's servant ended up confined in crimson and cobalt pandish sarcophagus, meanwhile Hachiman fell on his knee from the great amount of mana he was consuming, yet he kept his sword up and continued to pour his energy in it until the blade began shining, Assassin wanted to release the true name his Noble Phantasm.

"SNOW"

countless pillars of ice grew around the arctic coffin.

"MAIDEN"

(yuki no otome)

and then pierced through it along with Berserker.

Fountains of crimson blood tainted the ice, that immediately shattered the third pillar of light resetted Berserker once more, Just how many lives had this dude.

"GRAAAAAAAA!"
Screamed Berserker charging against us.

"Just Die ALREADY Saisho no yukigafuru"
Railed Assassin forcing the ice glittering around Berserker to wrap around his left leg.
"SNOW MAIDEN"

Again sharp ice spikes ran through the mad servants body filling his leg with holes, yet he didn't even winked and kept advancing in a neck breaking rush.

"Master Decoy and mode switch"
Ordered me Assassin dashing towards Berserker.

"Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear if Berserker doesn't go down for good with this life a tactical retreat is the only solution"
I thought sending five fire birds in the mad servant's eyes to do my part as Decoy.

Assassin was now in Berserker's sword range and in normal condition would have been tored apart by that stone blade within the blink of an eye, yet since the mad servant had been blinded by my flames Assassin obtained a precious second he exploited to summon from the ground his ice panda-golem.

"RHA"
my servant grunted using the panda as a stepping stone to jump above Berserker's head. I immediately aimed the Rasen-gun towards him and shot a mana bullet. A stardust cloud was created as the blue projectile hit Assassin; the IIs in his eyes became two Vs and all the ice in the area disappeared at once while the Silent coat manifested itself on Hachiman.

"Get him old man"

"Heanvely blow that bring discipline"
SHIZUKA SHINKANSEN

Hachiman drove his fist coated in white light on Berserker's skull.

*DROOOOOOMMMMMM
A rumble of thunder echoed above Fuyuki.

*Crush
Berserker's knees crushed on the asphalt. Thick blood started to flow down his nose, but the mad servant keeping faith to his name ignored his cracked cerebral bone and swinged his sword against Assassin.

"Shit"
Spat Hachiman backflipping on Bererker's head an instant before the stone edge reached him and things went ugly.

"RHAAASSAAAASSSSSSSIIIIIINNNNNNNN"
The mad servant broke his vocal cords in the closest thing to a word he ever pronounced before leaving behind his sword and engaging Assassin in a fist fight.

"pankrátion"
I muttered while Berserker assaulted Assassin with a martial art that resembled modern boxing.

"God No way"
Gasped my servant while pressing his fist on Berserker's one.

"SHIZUKA SHINKANSEN,
Assassin re-directed the mad servant's raw power from the arm to the rest of the body, and managed to spin on himself and drive his light coated elbow in that monster arm. Tiānguó zhī hé de quántóu counter move number 13.

*crack
Berserker's forearm bones gushed out from his skin.

"Master run !"
Screamed Assassin escaping from Berserker while his eyes only conveyed the "we're fucked" message.

"It's Heracles"

"OH SHIIIIIITTTTT *thuuuummmmm uh! Assassin what are you doing! Drop me I can run by myself!"

"FASTER THAN HIM?!"

"RHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"On a second thought... RUN RUN FOR OUR LI-AHAHAHAHHAAVES!"

"HOLD TIGHT WE'RE GOING IN THE WOO- GUARD RAIL!"

*jump

"AH I BIT MY TONGUE"

---

And so a daring escape on Assassin's shoulders began

---

"SOOOO he is Heracles like Heracles Heracles?"
I asked while limping on my servant's back and shooting my phoenixes.

"No the hair dresser in OF COURSE IT'S FUCKING HERACLES! Street"
Responded vaguely agitated Hachiman keeping to slalom around trees and bushes at frightening speed.

I didn't know how much longer he could keep up, maintaining focused the white reinforcing magic of the Silent Coat in his legs must have required an insane amount of concentration to Hachiman, without mentioning now that he had switched mode all the ice sealing his injuries from the previous fight with Berserker was gone, so Assassin was also losing quite the amount of blood.

"BERSERKER GET THEM"
"RHAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAA"
Screamed the other master servant tandem closing distance.

"Just go break someone else's balls for God sake"
I shouted drawing my normal gun and emptying the magazine on Berserker's face.

Dammit that monster was feeling more the wind slashing on his face, than my bullet breaking those fangs he had instead of his teeth.

Still I had a doubt crowding my mind in this life-death situation.

"Assassin why the hell is Berserker's noble phantasm multiple lives? It doesn't make any sense, couldn't he have, I don't know, a strength boost, or the Nemea's lion fur?"
I said trying to put together all the information about the servant.

"Beats me! But I bet that monster won't go down unless we kill him twelve times"

"Why twelve?"

"It's the only number that strikes my mind when I think about Heracles myth!"

"but that would be broken"
I shouted covering the howling wind.

"Said the Homunculus with an heroic spirit heart!"
Responded Assassin with his usual sass.

"... I hate you"

"Branch"

"OUCH! Dammit Assassin, say it sooner"

"don't whine for everything BRANCHES"

"OUCH! MOTHER FUC-OUCH! Can you tell me at least where we are going!"

"Where we left the two maids! we use them as decoy and then D-1-0!"

"... really?"

"Really"

"LET'S ROOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL"
I shouted while an hestatic bolt run through my spine.

I couldn't believe it we were going to do the D-1-0.

"Jeanne will never believe it!"
I thought while a stupid smile sprouted on my face and my fire assault on Illya and Berserker became more fierce.

"CHEAP IMITATION!"
Roared the little girl blocking all my attacks with her silverish swords that now were spinning like chain saws.

Her eyes were lit by a crimson light that resembled lava coming out from a volcano, and even if her burned arm was limping on her side I could still see her scorched hand closed into a bloody fist. Now I was wondering who was the real berserker between master and servant.

"Master prepare the thing we will reach the maids in 5, 4"

"I told you it's called the Rasen-gun"

"2, 1 Hold tight!"
Shouted Assassin as he jumped in a small clearing with a tall pine in the centre, where Illya's two maids were lying under.

"this is going to be epic!"
I screamed in my draconic heart before all the white light in Assassin's legs focused on his feet tips.

Now Illya had just to take the baith

"SELLA LEYSRITT!"
Cried the Homunculs focusing all her attention on them.

YEAH!

"GO ASSASSIN WE ARE ALL GREEN"
I cried as my servant jumped on the pine planting his luminous feet tips in the bark and starting to run vertically.
*ta *ta *ta *ta *ta *ta *ta
Small wooden chops fell down from the tree with each step, meanwhile Illya against every logical decision jumped down Berserker and went to check her servants... exactly as planned.

"Edge of the tree in 3,2,1 NOW"
Said Assassin jumping from the tip of the pine.

Like a shooting star he traced an arc of light in the night with his white feet, and once he reached the middle of his trajectory he left me in the void.

"D-1-0"
I grinned shooting with the Rasen-gun my servant that was soaring the sky right above me.

*thinnnnnn
The blue bullet of mana hit Hachiman.

"And now let's see this retarded plan at work. Oroboro"

In a moment Assassin lost his coat, the purple Vs in his eyes became two Is and a thick veil of smoke surrounded him.

"Brat go!"
He raged throwing to me the axe-shaped stick known as Master Key.

Unable to suppress it any longer a mad laugh bubbled out of my lungs.
"It's happening!"
I thought catching the Master key.

I turned to watch Illya and Berserker checking the two maids, my lips felt dry the wind was slashing painfully on my bruised face but GODDDAMIT NOTHING WAS GOING TO RUIN THIS MOMENT.

I reinforced my whole body, shot down half of my remaining phoenixes, extensted Assassin's Noble phantasm towards the ground and opened my heart to it.

"Master key
R
R
R
O
O
O
D
D
A
A
A
A
R
R
R
O
O
O
O
L
L
L
L
L
A
A
A
A
D
D
D
D
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A"

"My Jojobrothers and Jojosisters I did it"

and so I slammed on Heracles with a road roller weighting a ton and half.

---

Rejection, anger, depression, sadness and acceptance are the five phases every person go through to deal with the mourning.
Uh? Uh! UH! UUUHHHH and AAAAAAAHHHH are instead the five phases that accompany an event known as the "OMG a road roller is falling on me".

As It's easy to imagine Illyasfiel von Einzber went through the latter five when she realized what was happening above her head.
To be precise in this way.

"RRRROOOOODDDDDDDDAAAA"

Uh?

"RRRRRROOOOOOLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAA"

Uh!

"DDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

UH!

*TUWWWAAAAWAAAAANNNNNNGGGGG (transformation sounds)

UUUHHHH

"WWWWWWWRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Keep in mind thought that this whole absurd situation was obtainable only because Berserker, a.k.a Heracles, had his sword arm completely ruined by Assassin counter (so he couldn't grab the road roller and throw it into the oblivion). Plus I was kind of blinding him with ten of my remaining twenty phoenixes.

At this point Illya Watching first me then her maids threw herself on the unconscious women, like a XXXS meat shield.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! you won't touch them"
She ripped for the nth times one of her silver hairs.

"Schildglocke"
Cried the little master summoning the same defensive spell she failed to activate on the road while fighting me.

Still this time the spell appeared to worked properly and a bell shaped barrier appeared around her and the maids.

I didn't know why the outcome was different from her first attempt and I honestly I didn't care. BUT I was slightly bothered by a tiny yet fundamental detail: in my mind Illya would have just pushed her maids eh.. 50? 45 centimetres away from where they were so the road roller wouldn't land on their legs, then I would have landed on Berserker, jumped down my meme of transportation and knocked out Illya.

Easy.

Unfortunately that brat decided to defend instead of evading and I couldn't even imagine what was going to happen.

"Was I going to crush the legs of three homunculi?"

"Was that shield going to endure my mortal reference?"

Or, wait I didn't care I'd win in 99% of cases screw hypothesis.

"Too late to worry, Too late tpo change plans"
I rose my shoulders preparing for the impact on Heracles.

CRAAAASSHHHHHHHHHHH

"Rhwmwmnso"
The monster sunk in the ground unable to stop the heavy machine with just one arm.

"One down"
I rejoiced before noticing a something...Bizzarre

"Uh!?"

A glowing balloon filled with three Homunculi was right in front of my face...what the fu-Oh the barrier had a small part pinched under the road roller and the pressure was moving the defensive familiar like in tiddlywinks"

...Wait, Oh shit!

*Pop

With the sound of a champagne cork the silver shield, along with the three artificial ladies, shot into the sky like a comet, making its way through the branches of all the trees. And to make matters worse they...raced in full Hachiman who was still falling.

"Holy shit"
were the only two words I could pronounce as Hachiman, Illya and her two maids flew away like a screaming bullet in the night
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

"..."

Unable to profer any more words I just stared at the sky like a complete idiot hoping that something would break the stasis I found myself into... luckyly a sound reached my ears.

Drin* Drin*

---

"Mochi mochi"

"HI Sieg"

"Jen"

"Do you know where are the AAA batteries?"

"Look inside the indian pot"

"the blue or the red one"

"blue"

"Thanks I love you"

Tuuuu

---

"The fuck just happened?"
I muttered while all my facial muscles had stopped working.

Awkwardly I still remained immobile on the road roller with only the silence of the forest as companion.
"What am I supposed to do now?"

The whole situation was too stupid I couldn't make any straight thought exept for "Wtf" and geez thank god I was till lucid enough to make a song start from my smartphone before my head's voice came to pay a visit.

arf* arf*

I had to think, collect my thoughts, come out with something. ANYTHING now that there wasn't any immediate threat.

*GHHOOOOO

...

OH FOR FUCK SAKE. Why I keep triggering death flags, I wasn't look for trouble when "I'm walking on sunshine" started on my phone.

*GHRROAOAAA
Other beastly sounds creeped out of the ground and then Berserker, wounded in unspeakable manner, overturned the road roller laterally.

"Dammit dammit DAMMIT"
I groaned as I fell with my butt on the ground.

In the blackness of the forest I couldn't see many things, but thankfully I immediately realized the Road roller was going to squash me.

"Return"

In an instant I braced myself and using all my will power I managed to make the Master Key return in its original shape

Even today I didn't become tasty homunculus omelette.

But I guess it wouldn't really make a difference to the guy in front of me if he decided I was on his menù for today.

"GGRRAA"
Berserker crawled his way out from the soil and safter that he did the usual: shout to his heart content.
"RHAAAAAAA"
His voice crushed all the quiet and peace of the forrest, like an elephant stomping on an ant. But then he suddenly stopped and started to look around for his Master.

He watched towards the front, right, left, behind, but nothing his little Master was nowhere to be seen. Understanding this fact Berserker stared in my eyes (Oh I didn't notice one of his eyes was yellow and the other red), hold up his sane hand and did the tiny gesture, then of course.

"GHHHAAAAAAA"
Roared.

My blood froze, apparently he wasn't going to murder me instantly...he was trying to communicate. Since the coversation wasn't going to be much serious if a "I'm walking on sunshine woooooo" kept resounding in the air I stopped the music and looked at the servant's hand.

"What?"

"GHHHHAAAAA"
He pushed his hand towards me.

"Illya?"

"RHA"

"ah say it sooner"
I laughed awkwardly trying to keep control of my urinary system.

"There"
I pointed the hole she made in the tree branches of the forest while flying away.

"Gr?"
Heracles tilted his head puzzled.

"She. Flew. Away. In. A. Ball. And. Hit. Assassin."
I spelled with various gestures.

"RRRR?"
He pointed the hole I showed him before.

"Yeah truly"

"... Rarrarrrin?"
Asked the colossus pushing down the skin under his eyes

"I already told Assassin got hit and now is flying somewhere with your Master"

"Rhag Rhag Ra"

"I know it's really seems a cheap way to switch ambientations"

"... Grr"

"I don't wanna re-start killing each other"

"Rha"

" I know you haven't anything better to do but- "Nigerundayo"- MASTER KEY COBRA BIKE!"
I turned my heels and activated again Assassin's Noble Phantasm.

Gathering nearly all the mana I had left, I summoned the power of the Master Key to manifest Hachiman's motorcycle; The effort nearly made me faint, but I couldn't let the fatigue have the best of me, not during my last desperate attempt to remain alive.

VRRRRROOOM
Thundered the black motorcycle as I gave gas. The wheels vibrated on the ground, blue particles ame out of the exhaust pipe and a instant before Berserker could catch me I became a dark bolt in the woods.

The sudden acceleration made my neck snap back with a painful shock across my spine, I felt the wind pressing on my face so strongly I could barely keep my eyes open and the number of times I nearly crushed on a tree was way bigger than I could ever count.

"Shit Shit Shit, why can't this thing go faster"
I swore when I realized Berserker had begun to chase me and that he was going to reach me.

A sense of loss grew inside my chest and formed a thick lump in the throat.
"God please if you really exist I need a miracle"
I prayed giving more and more gas to the phantasmal vehicle.

Drin drin
My phone rang.

---

"Mochi mochi"

"BBBRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"

"Hey Assassin how are you?"

"TTTTEEERRRIIIBBBLLLEEEEEEE"

"Good me too, where are you?"

"ABOVE FUYUKI!"

"I see. Listen Berserker is chasing me, I'm going to use a command seal"

"NO BRAT WAIT, ENDURE A MINUTE EINZBERN IS GOING TO SUMMON BERSERKER TO CATCH HER, RESIST ANOTHER MINUTE!"

"you'll be alone then!"

"I CAN ESCAPE, BESIDES THE MAIDS' WOUNDS WILL RE-OPEN WHEN WE LAND, THEY MUST BE TAKEN TO A HOSPITAL OR AT THE CHURCH"

"...1 minute"

"53 SECONDS"

"see you in front of H&M"

"AHHAAHAH SURE HACHIMAN AND MERCHANDISE! MY BEST SHADOW COMPANY!"

---

53 seconds later

*TSUUUUUIIN
(sound of a servant disappearing)

Oh god oh god, I couldn't believe it

"I-I'm...I'M STILL ALIVE MADAFAKKA! SUCK IT HERACLES, SUCK IT ILLYA AND SUCK IT EVRYBODY ELSE EVEN YOU ASSASSIN THIS EVENING WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH EASIER IF I COULD HAVE JUST SHOT THAT BRAT IN THE FACE!"
I the homunculus who survived, rose my fist into the sky and let my joy and irritation involve the trees.

... ( sound of a vegetal crowd in raptures)

"ahahah... oh right Assassin"
I muttered stopping the motorcycle and dialing quickly a number on my phone.

*tuuuu * tuuu *tuuu

---

"Mochi mochi"

"Assassinnn"

"Yo"

"Berserker has disappeared"

"RHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"Really? I couldn't tell...Oh don't throw the mini van, the mini VAAAANNNNNN! *CRUSH"

"I don't like your sass my servant"

"And I don't like dodging cars, but hey NOBODY GETS WHAT HE WANTS"

"Want a command seal?"

"NO DON'T WASTE THEM! Can you hold on a minute, I 've to deal with a problem"

"suit yourself"

"Hikki stealth"

"Where did he go! Berserker destroy that building he went in that direction"

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh?"
*slip

*crunch

"FUCK"

*thun

"FUCK"

*taan

"AH"

*crack

"EH"

*splat

"DAMMIT"

*shatter

"JESUS"

*booom

"UH"

"He escaped, good job Berserker uh couldn't you move a bit quicker?
No I'm sorry, it's just that it's been a long evening. Let's... Let's just take Sella and Leysritt to the hospital they have lost too much blood"

"..."

"..."

"Assassin are you okay?"

"I slipped..."

"on which floor"

"Seventh"

"Any broken bones?"

"Uh 3, 4, 5"

"Can you stand?"

"Maybe I'm stuck into someone's trash bin"

"...Nice really nice old man"

"Shut up, let the old me rest for a moment, I've burned too much mana in one night...*fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Brat... What about we retreat for now? We discovered the identity of a servant, bugged the maids I think it's already a good feat"

"..."

"...Sie-"

"Are you stupid?"

"...What..."

"We know were she is going, she has two meat bags to protect and Berserker is too injured to properly react, an unexpected bullet placed in the right place and we can make her tetraplegic or at least put her on a wheel chair, she'll drop the war"

"...Sieg she is just a child"

"...She is older than me, I'm ready to lose all four limbs in this war, I don't see why she wouldn't be"

"..brat"

"Don't brat me, every day we lose Jeanne gets weaker, I'm not letting go a golden opportunity to take down a Master like this"

"..."

"...Now chunk down that coffee of yours and switch to your seventh mode. I order to follow them, I'll reach you after putting back together the car"

"As you wish Master"

---

*TSSSUN (motorcycle disapperaing)

"Phoenix flower, last ten units return in crystal form"

...

...

...

"Assassin you're stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! Retreat. Are you crazy! Let go Berserker. Are you even more crazy! That girl could make an ally any moment and He suggest to let her go! He is an idiot idiot idiot idiot IDIOT!"

"you're right truly an idiot"

"Oh not you too get out from my brain or I swear I'll hear every single song of the One Direction until you're done for"

"Ahahah that would only hurt you, I'm just here to commend your work so: Good job Sieg. Nice speech"

"Shut up you're just a voice inside my head"

"And you're just a doll made to become someone else"

"So?"

"So to you I'm not real because you belive I'm"just" a voice, and to me you're not real because you're "just" a doll that refused its purpose"

"The single fact that you exist only because you're in my head makes me already more real than you"

"Real like all your not lethal attempts to stop Illyasfiel von Einzbern"

"..."

"OH SILENCE SUCH A BLESSING, after all these years of trashy songs used to keep me away from your head finally some peace and quiet."

"..."

"Ok silence is boring just admit to yourself following Assassin's methods is stupid"

"...what?"

"Oh Com'on we both know you could have killed Illya in ten seconds if you had really tried. Hell you didn't even open your heart valve"

"... I followed Assassin's instructions"

"BUT WHO'S THE MASTER!?"

"...I am"

"AND WHAT'S ILLYASFIEL"

"...an obstacle"

"SO. WHY. IS. SHE. STILL. BREATHING?"

"...Killing is wrong"

"PFAHAHHA that's your excuse, people die every day what's the matter if you increase the number of one, Assassin's philosophy not to kill is pure hypocrisy, yes he never killed with his own hands, but that doesn't make them clean besides, do you really think that spilling the bare minimum amount of blood you'll win the Holy Grail?"

"...y-yes"

"Oh Please you only repeat that to yourself, because Hikigaya Hachiman told you to, not even a fiber of your body agree with that statement"

"But I trust him"

"Oh no you don't trust him, you trust the security he gives you, you trust the idea he'll only do what benefits you, but look at the reality you're just one of the many people he rescued and never give a damn about"

"You're lying"

"Then why didn't he accept to sacrifice at least one of is multiple lives to strengthen himself? Two modes less and with all the energy spared, he could have topped Berserker. Three mode less and he could have crushed the son of Zeus"

"..."

"Accept it, he doesn't care about you as much as you care about him.
Accept it, Hikigaya Hachiman is limiting your chances to save who you love
Accept it, to you he is ABSOLUTE only because you needed someone to blindly follow
Accept it,
you never
left that
Tank
You just
switched its shell.
Acknowledge it,
You refused to
become Siegfried
To remain a bag of flesh kept under check by someone.
Open your eyes
You're alone
you can only rely on the power
within
you"

"...who are you"

"I'm the spirit that lies in your blood, the energy that day after day grew stronger in your body after the heart of the dragon slayer began to beat in your chest, I'm an ancient soul that merged with yours
I'm the part of you that isn't bothered by petty emotions
I'm your potential
I'm power "

"what an awfully long introduction... I just wanted to know if you're the responsable for the red energy that dwells inside my anger"

"...I am"

" Perfect. Then show me the might of Nothung and help me slain my enemy, ancient dragon"

"as we become one I proclaim"

---

INSTALL SABER CARD FAFNIR
INSTALL SABER CARD FAFNIR

---

Rage... Rage... Rage...

Within my chest there was only rage: a wild anger I never experienced so strongly before, a frustartion so deep I could only see red in front of me.

What was happening?

I could feel the air around me scorching the ground, my nails grow sharper, my teeth turning into fangs thirsty of blood, a pair of horns sprout from my fore head and my whole back being covered in scales.

To calm myself I tried to grab Existence in its shead right at my side, yet once I reached the handle I could only feel for a second the familiar sensation of my weapon before it shape-shifted in something else.

Responding to my new power Existence became the cursed blade Nothung: a long sword colored in black and red.

Pratically a bleeding shadow.

Nothung looked more like Bahlmung than Existence: so it was an European broadsword maybe a bit shorter than Siegfried's. The magic jewl from the time of Gods, source of Nothung power glowed of a malicious orange light, the grip was completely covered in a dark reptilian skin of some sort, the guard was completely made of an obsidian metal that kept remodelling itself like the water of a river, while the blade looked like a crimson cristal corrupeted inside by the veins of a black cancer.

"arh ha ah...God this feels even less natural than Siegfried"
I groaned with a voice way deeper than usual as my mind stabilized

Finally I could again discern my thoughts realizing the confusion inside my brain have been caused by this new transformation.

Horns. Check

Claws. Check

Fangs. Check

Unnatural anger. Check

Acid reflux that's actually fire. Check.

Okay it's official I was in dragon force.

"And...oh heat sword"
I commented testing Nothung in the empty space around me.

It was different from any weapon I ever used before, I felt like cutting the heat around me: Nothung's edge in the second I started to swing it around became red hot and ruby columns of thick mana began to source form my body.

"heat, neat... why is none around when I'm so funny" I shrugged while admiring Fafnir, no I guess my red power swirling around me.

So that was the energy dragons wielded.

"Seems soap"
I thought manipulating the its flow around my hand to see its properties.

This red mana was tanglible: an energy more material and structured than anything I ever seen before, for some reason it seemed passive, how can I explain instead of a condensed lighting ready to explode, this power reminded me of magma placidly flowing around.

"Reinforcement"
Suddely all the energy I gathered around my hand glued together and took the shape of a claw.

"Oh that's weird, I don't feel enchated at all, how's this thing supposed to work?"
I muttered studying the dragonic aura around my it seemed more like an illusion than anything else.

Was I even a bit empowered?

To rub away my doubts I punched the first tree under my watch.

*punch

...

*punch

...

*punch

...

"ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA"

Nothing, my fists did absolutely nothing, it was like I had baloons instead of fists.

"Is this a joke? that's what a power of a dragon can do?"
I groaned clawing the tree I tried to punch through.

I sighed deeply and just turned my heels, this was no-sense all the energy I spent to activate this spell had been useless, I mean really? Shouldn't Fafnir be an high tier dragon with insane powers?

"What's this shitty reinforcemen-*THUUUUNNNNNNNN... t"

"I retire any previous statement"
I blinked multiple times realizing that the tree I was assaulting had been split in two from my claws. Dear god this power was slow to built up and long lasting in the time, truly the diametral opposite of Siefried's energy.
Ironically sensed.

"Did you like the tutorial flesh bag?"

"I'd give a six out of ten, but"

I cut down with Nothung four trees like they were made out of butter.

"the game seems promising"

"And now?"

"And now I take out a Master from this war"

"Shall blood run on our cursed sword"

"...Shall Hikigaya Hachiman learn my strenght...By the way with how much power I can surround myself with?"

"More mana is condensed in a single place more difficult is to keep together, there're no defined limits though, it's just up to your strenght "

"Good, can I make things like... wings for example"

"...Flesh bag no"

"REINFORCEMENT to infinity and beyond!"

"No no no flying is advanced stuuuuuuuffffff"

---

SUPRISE THIS FF HASN'T BEEN DROPPED... YET HORAY
A WACKY AND EXTREME FIGHT BETWEEN THE STRONGEST MASTER OF THE H.G.W. FINALLY HAS STARTED

(R.I.P. SIEG'S CAR-CHAN)

I HOPE THAT WITH THIS CHAPTER I MADE CLEAR JUST HOE OP SIEG IS AND HOW DAMN SKILLED IS HACHIMASSASSIN TO SURVIVE AGAINST BERSERKER IN A HEAD-ON FIGHT.

NEXT TIME THE LONER

DRUNK HACHIMAN STRIKES BACK