Ambrosia

by AyaxRoses

'Love. To truly love, that was one of the only things in this world that would never die. Even if you wished it to. Subaru and Kamui had grown to understand this painfully well.' An alternative ending to the final battle and a future for Subaru and Kamui to be happy together. SubKam SubaruxKamui BL-Yaoi-Shounen-Ai Past Fuuma/Kamui.

28. Periwinkle

Ambrosia 28:Periwinkle

Flower symbolism: memories, remembrance, tender recollections Blue periwinkle more specifically symbolizes early attachment and friendship which I found fitting for the chapter.

Summary: Being one year since the promised day, there's a lot of reflection to be had. Feelings resurface over events both good and bad from the past year. Subaru and Kamui bring in a new year and celebrates many firsts of the year. An emotional chapter but with lighter more intimate scenes, a mature scene, and a happy ending.

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12 Months

They were nearing 12 months past the promised day and infamous year. Those who survived into this year were still here, in good health. No major changes and things were starting to settle.

But it felt wrong. Kamui remained pensive, while his precious person was distracting himself with excessive work, he was here. His legs up to his chest,

While Subaru came to check up on him fairly regularly, neither could find a way to communicate what inner storm brewed. A year had passed but there was still a raw feeling reemerging when looking back, an anniversary of sorts.

Guilt lay deep in the chosen boy's subconscious. A pervasive thought kept appearing.

'Why should I be able to live a life like this now… when Kotori and Fuuma couldn't?'

For so long he'd kept the answer- 'I need to live a fulfilling life, for Kotori, Fuuma who could not..'

The latter wasn't taken into account for some time. But… Kamui got there, gradually caring more and more for his own needs.

'Subaru loved the same man for ten years…'

Kamui thinks on this, with something akin to a sense of reverence. Though there were mixed feelings, aching in his chest. Kamui clutched a hand to that same spot, and let his head fall to his bent knees. His messy raven-black hair fell over his legs.

'I fell in love with another in a matter of months…'

Though it's not as though they are strangers. They'd seen the depths of the other's heart early on.

Feelings of attachment and a need for comfort became much more. There was always something powerful connecting them… a type of love. A strong one at that.

His childhood brought on a mess of feelings, constantly attacking his tiny little heart. Kotori was the epitome of innocence. Her heart, her love, and everything that made Kotori shine brilliantly.

'She was far too pure to go through everything as she did…'

It was no wonder they became so close. Being childhood sweethearts, making promises to become a bride… Those were easier days. Ignorance was bliss…

Kamui made such promises that he could not fulfill. Fuuma's promise to him is engraved into his heart just as much.

There was so much warmth and love tied into every word, every promise, touch and hold.

'Even… when you were so far gone… it felt like a part of you, the 'real' you had been there.'

Memories came about of those duels between the Kamuis. Fuuma would violently thrash and toss him around like a plaything. He'd be pinned to some chunk of debris, hands bleeding from whatever weapon was preferred to keep him there. Large, familiar hands ravished anywhere and everywhere they pleased down the lithe Kamui's broken body.

Kamui was forced to reaffirm his feelings coming back to Tokyo; the physical attraction, the desire was completely there. The torch he carried for some time hadn't gone out, even during their more brutal encounters. Fuuma's awakening…a touch so cruel, taunting yet it was still his touch.

'I hated those moments… as much as I loved them.'

At least, Kamui could say his masochism was quite a bit circumstantial, though if that made it better or worse was hard to tell.

The violence was a brutal means to an end. There was no other way or hope to receive those gentle touches and holds anymore. Feeling a touch through pain… versus never at all…

Amongst the blood, bruises, and broken bones… all those rough touches, there were fleeting moments.

Occasionally, Fuuma would pause his more sinister torment to run his fingers down and all over Kamui's face. Hands would curl under his chin, countless teases of a kiss took place. Devilish lips would curl into a smirk, pressing sensually all over Kamui's neck and collarbone.

Somehow, he held a tiny hope, somewhere his Fuuma was able to come out for those gentler moments.

Amongst everything that happened, Kamui could confirm one thing. Their first real kiss was more painful, far sadder than he could have ever imagined. A kiss farewell.

From that point on, his new life was to begin.

How, there was still room for such romantic, and spiritual love, was beyond Kamui. But it happened just as it did, a hurricane taking his heart captive.

'Maybe… we could visit their… 'resting' place together. '

Somehow, it always felt more hopeful with Subaru at his side. His patient lover would offer to burn incense, gather water, or pick up flowers. There was comfort.

The door sweeping open brought Kamui to his feet. The second he saw his lover he jolted to his feet.

"Kamui? Are you sure you're -" Subaru began, only to feel his torn-up lover lunging in to hug him incredibly tight.

"Kamui…" Subaru coos, returning the embrace fully, keeping Kamui close and cuddled as long as he needed. Emerald and gold orbs shook, looking into tearful eyes.

"Su-Subaru…" Kamui starts, sniffling and clutching his fingers into his boyfriend's shirt. "It's… just this time is kinda…"

This time of year.

Kamui had a series of emotional swings. The pendulum reached a blissful high as the boy relished in the love and romance this season brought. However, on the other hand, his heart couldn't fully seal the cracks brought onto that final battle happening just one year ago.

"It's… just so…" Kamui's breathing turns more complex and broken up. "Hard…"

These emotions, the heartache, the past, and the intrusive thoughts trying to get the chosen Kamui to feel guilt at living with a sense of love and happiness.

Subaru hummed with a sense of understanding. His arms lowered, hands reaching under soft thighs to lift Kamui's feet off the floor. The younger man buried his tear-stained face into Subaru's shirt. He constantly wrapped himself all around his protective and nurturing lover.

"Thank you…" Kamui whispered, breathing still uneven and voice weak from tears.

Subaru returned the words with a small kiss to his forehead.

Kamui clung, flushing at his own neediness. He was carried down the hallway, before being brought to their bedroom. Quickly, Kamui was deposited onto their bed and wrapped up in blankets, and comforted until he could finally breathe normally again.

Subaru stayed at Kamui's side, embracing him tightly until he could relax into the hold.

"I can make us some tea," Subaru offers, seeing as his bundled-up lover has calmed enough to stop shaking or trembling.

"Okay," Kamui returns to his precious lover and pecks his lips as a thank you.

"I'll be right back," Subaru promises, ensuring, "Until then," he glances down at the wandering kitten and scoops her up to rest upon the bed. "Please, take care of our Kamui as I'm gone, alright Hana?"

"Mrow!" Their kitten returns happily gazing up at her owner and moving to snuggle on Kamui's pillow. Said male finds it hard not to let out a sound or squee, as his heart flutters wildly, watching the little conversation.

'You're way too cute…' Kamui thinks, watching his lover exit their bedroom. He beams hearing his lover hurriedly pace down the stairs.

'You don't have to hurry,' He means to call out and say but something in him stops. As he doesn't want his lover to worry…but also to be away too long.

Kamui cradles the black and white kitten, looking into her big doe eyes. "I'm hopeless, aren't I?" he asks, somehow feeling their cat could understand some things.

"Meooow~" she squeaks, letting out a wide yawn and padding down Kamui's pillow.

"I guess that's a yes," Kamui laughs softly. His lover ascending the stairs makes something in his heart calm and lighten. The younger man gazes adoringly towards his sleep-disheveled lover, holding the two steaming cups of tea.

"Thank you," Kamui reaches for the warm mug, smiling at the cups chosen. Both were part of a matching set, having one half of a heart on each, with the letter 'S' upon one half and 'K' on the other.

"Careful, it's still pretty hot," Subaru can't help his protective habits, still holding on to the mug.

"Mhm, I'll be extra careful," Kamui ensures with a mirthful smile, his boyfriend relaxes. All too happily he accepts the cup, blowing over the contents before taking a sip. The taller male rejoins him into bed, careful not to stir the kitten, Subaru slings an arm around Kamui's waist pulling him to his side of the bed.

After a few moments…Subaru voices the concerns of earlier. "Do you…want to talk about it?" Seeing the crestfallen look on his lover's features he hurriedly follows with- "Of course, you don't need to if you don't want to…I just thought I'd offer."

Kamui softly and adoringly laughs at the worrying antics. "I love you," he professes, finding no other words able to convey how deeply he feels at little moments just like this. Love sweeps over him pulling him under to an intoxicating warmth, he never wishes to be free from.

"And I, you, Kamui," Subaru follows up, tenderly and never once missing that intense emotion behind his words.

"I… not in particular… it's just hard to believe it's almost been a whole year," Kamui begins, taking a careful sip of tea, soothing him.

"It has been… a change."

"But this year has been so different than the last," Kamui expresses wearily as he looks at his reflection into the cup of tea. "I found hope through it all… Because of you."

"I am definitely happy, I could give you something to give you hope. " Subaru smiles gently at this, taking a few sips of his tea before placing it on the nightstand. He favors holding Kamui more protectively in his arms.

"You gave me a lot more than something…" Kamui insists, violet-blue eyes rolling with a gentle fondness. He indulges in the feeling of his legs entangling with his lover's, so tightly connected. "I don't know what I would have done… if you weren't there…" His eyes avert, glancing down at their intertwined bodies with a sense of reassurance. This was all real.

"Kamui…" Subaru coos, fingers brushing to stroke an elegant cheek. Kamui finishes the remains of his teacup, slowly exhaling and sighing as the words come to.

"I wasn't… in the right place…then…if you weren't there I-" Kamui admits, voice breaking bit by bit. He hands the cup to his lover to place off to the side.

"I…" Adjusting into a more comfortable position, resting his head on his boyfriend's chest he finds the strength to profess -"I would have definitely… I then… I-I wanted to-" his voice breaks out, barely whispering the latter. Beautiful violet-blue orbs tear with a darkening pain and sadness, Subaru had only seen that promised day. "I… now I wouldn't have… but losing Fuuma back there… I wanted to…."

The start of admittance breaks him, as his body starts shivering. A feeling of guilt and pain for what he deems now as a selfish desire. Rapid streams of emotion begin racing down reddening cheeks.

"I wanted to go… "The chosen boy's heart clenches, sinking further. He can't bring himself to look up.

'Even if it meant causing my loved ones pain… That part of me wanted to go… to the place Fuuma went…'

"You wanted to go with him," Subaru confirms solemnly, closing his eyes. While his chest ached, there wasn't a remote feeling of shock or surprise.

Kamui's prior words had confirmed how deeply bound the twin stars were to one another.

As Kamui sat at Subaru's side, having saved him from the Rainbow Bridge.

'I can understand… I had thought before, I would be able to accept dying…so long as Fuuma were the one to kill me.' His mind in complete disarray he hadn't taken in just how desperately Kamui had fallen..and suffered for it.

"I… had felt hopeless," Kamui breaks out, burying his raining eyes into his lover's shirt. "And if it weren't for you… I…I know I would have… given up entirely." His hands clenched tighter into his lover's shirt. "It just hurt so much…. I-ah... I-"

"Shhh," Subaru hushes him tenderly." He scoops Kamui up in his arms, adjusting them so they're lying back down. The grieving boy is lifted so he can lie on top of his lover." It's okay Kamui, you lost so much, no one can fault you for how you felt. Least of all me… "

The former leader nods a bit before completely shivering and breaking down into the comforting hold.

"S-Subaru…" Kamui sniffles, peering back up with rings of red around watering violet orbs. His lover nods at him, whispering sweet assurances, and words of love.

The younger man dives right back in, burying his tearing face back into a welcoming chest. Subaru's hand clasps at the back of his head, urging his lover to stay as close as he needs for as long as needed.

"I… I… I don't know what I'd do-…," Kamui mumbles, voice shaky and vulnerable. "W-without you…I-I… would be… *

"My sweet Kamui," Subaru purrs, lips peppering sweet assurances on their lover's head. His hands work on caressing and comforting. "Shhh~ My angel it's alright now."

"B-but I-" Kamui stammers, feeling lips covering lips. Any further depreciating words are sealed away into the kiss.

"Now, we are here together," Subaru ensures with brightness and hope only Kamui himself could bring to his life. Another kiss on the forehead follows. "Neither of us have to be alone anymore…"

Something within those words stirred a fire within the younger man. His eyes flourished with warm tears and it was like the dam broke.

At least this time around, the flood of emotions was not solely of pain and agony. Not yet a year ago, there was nothing but that, for countless painful hours, days…weeks.

Kamui murmured a bunch of incomprehensible words. What his lover could decipher out of it all were the "I love/need you…" an occasional muffled"I'm sorry.." and broken-up parts of his name. It made his heart contract, and while being in love before, Subaru is certain he's never felt close to this. He certainly never desired to treasure and protect someone more than in this moment.

Subaru's arms brought Kamui as tight and snugly as possible. They were somehow even closer than before. It helped that Kamui cuddled with his boyfriend as a weeping child would their teddy bear. A sign of comfort, hope, and assurance.

The beautiful heartbeat resounded, calming and soothing the boy as he mourned.

'Were you carrying around guilt all this time?' Subaru worries clutching his boyfriend tightly. He knew firsthand the feeling of wanting to vanish. The agony of wish which kept him breathing shattered to pieces as did the one he had loved more than anything.

Kamui had saved him then as he always would. Subaru never blamed Kamui, only encouraging the boy to keep going for his own wish…

But after it, all sunk in… the loneliness… and desperation. 'If I hadn't broken through my own despair… if it weren't for Hokuto…where would we be?'

Was that too a part of their preordained fate? Or did his precious elder sister go above and beyond any perceived limits to change destiny? She never had shown powers such as entering one's dreams of consciousness. It shouldn't have been possible. Yet, she did that, and fate shifted once more. Even in his broken state, he could never forget the gentle and nurturing voice. Even in her passing to ensure her twin would continue living.

'She probably still worries for me…' Subaru glances down, watching the sobs and broken breaths begin to still. 'Perhaps, she knows… I was able to find a light… after being lost for so long.' He finds his hands combing in the back of his lover's head. Soft silky hair never failed to soothe him at the touch, although that itself had magic.

"Well… you should know…" Kamui breaks to sniffle and suppressed a sob. "I was only able to be there because of you.." He clutches tighter to Subaru's pajama top, as Subaru had done to him just the other day. With a tiny, yet ethereal smile (especially to Subaru) there was hope the storm was calming. Even if only temporarily it brought relief to Subaru's features. You've given me a reason to try again and finally love once more."

"I'm happy to know I've helped you," Subaru smiles at the words, heart tightening for a far more pleasant reason now. A euphoric light fills his eyes as he processes the words. Somehow, he managed to steal Kamui's heart, and give someone else hope, something he thought impossible after his sister's death.

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Kamui…" Subaru voices with a gentle caress all along the boy's face. His thumb gently wipes at the few tears. He begins to shake his head again. "You have a lot of strength…in so many ways. You're resilient, in ways I could never be..."

Kamui's lips fall over at this. Still, red and puffy-eyed, he doesn't fully look up at his lover, not for long enough. Though being as close as they were, his voice comes through easily enough.

"You're the one…not giving yourself enough credit." He ensures, nuzzling his head against the warm body under him, resting his head more to the side, giving his beloved more access. "If only… you could see yourself the way I do."

"Kamui…" Subaru breathes softly, hands wandering to caress and brush over every centimeter of his love's expression. 'I don't know just …how I could respond …' He mentally laments over this fact. His self-value was….far below average. "I…can't quite do that, but…I do want to be…a bit easier on myself…for you as well as myself."

"Subaru," Kamui coos this time looking up completely. "You aren't alone…"Once he locks eyes with Subaru, holding such an intense and amorous gaze, he's stuck there. Violet-blue orbs never had quite the power to look away once they began, not for long anyway. "So during the times when you doubt yourself, seeing yourself in such a negative light…I'll be there to remind you just how wonderful you truly are."

"My Kamui…."

"I'm able to work through my nightmares and those images…so long as you are here with me."

"I want nothing more than to do everything I can to keep you from becoming unhappy…"

"You already do," Kamui assures, brushing the back of his hand up and down his lover's cheek. Subaru holds a hand over his own hand, keeping them close, connected.

They talk, moreso Kamui rambles about a memory with the Monou family, both painful and happier times. With plenty of breaks for the chosen boy to breathe and take it all in.

"And…we all first met because of that one little stray puppy," Kamui recalls this with a nostalgic and entirely sincere fondness. Subaru holds a bittersweet smile along with his lover. What had made Kamui happy, those precious memories would always be cherished. There was a longing…a Kamui before the tragedy of his destiny unraveled.

"A puppy?" Subaru sweetly expresses his interest. His heart leaps seeing such a tender smile and beautiful gleam in violet-blue orbs.

"Mhm, it was freezing, raining like crazy…and here something so pure was left on its own…." Kamui confirms this, ducking his head and maneuvering to sit back up a harsh stream of rain pouring that day, something he'd never forget. He glances down at his fingers, imagining how it had been, fingers going numb, holding a rain-soaked coat over the puppy. One so abandoned, fearful, and lonely, he was drawn into that.

"I forget how long I was out there…but I wasn't willing to give up until the rain calmed or I could find shelter for it…" Kamui reminisces the unforgettable day, that meeting. A soft smile curve falls over his lip. "I was… near the shrine and…soon after Fuuma had come over to help me, holding that umbrella moving it off from himself to shelter me over himself…he didn't even know me, but there was something special about what he'd done. It was the first time I had known someone so warm and protective outside of my mother…"

Subaru lets off a soft weary sigh. His emotions are mixed. He's unable to suppress the part of him that can't help but feel covetous over those soft expressions, usually reserved just for him. Of course, Kamui held all kinds of love in his heart, and it was to be expected he looked happy around those people.

"The first thing he asked was if I was alright…I guess that's a standard thing but at the time it threw me off…" Kamui began, seldom remembering such genuine concern and kindness as a young child. His father being out of the picture didn't help others' views of him.

Subaru couldn't fight this emotion, the soft shimmer and little stars of light amongst violet-blue eyes, tender smile, and softened features bring out a sense of covetousness for those who held his heart prior. The rational side of him saw what was right there in front of him, tangled up with him under the sheets, the present Kamui… and the heart he won over.

His lover seems to either sense this or just genuinely feels overcome with warmth. Kamui's soft lips linger and place a delicate kiss on Subaru's shoulder before continuing.

"You okay?" Kamui catches his beloved's mind drifting elsewhere.

Subaru quickly shook his head, "Oh, yes I'm sorry please, go on."

"Okay…well, at this time I was so torn up…I couldn't save it or help it as I could but I worried if what I was doing was the right thing…or if the kindness I showed him would only make him feel more pain later on.." Kamui laments on this, images resurfacing from so long ago, all so vividly. Those soft dark puppy eyes staring up at him, the feeling of another looking at him with such tenderness, taking his hand…it was a lot. "I mean I couldn't keep it, not at my home…I couldn't extend that kindness forever after all. Still, I couldn't leave the little guy alone like that…"

'I couldn't leave such innocence helpless to a preordained future…'

"You've always had a gentle heart…protecting those who couldn't protect themselves…." Subaru returns fondly, pecking his love's lips.

Kamui blushes at the compliment and shakes his head a bit. "You didn't know me when I first came to Tokyo…I was…different."

Another soft and chaste kiss is stolen.

"Your past actions don't equal who you are as a person….there was a lot you were going through," Subaru assures, not having seen it firsthand. But Kamui was Kamui; his volatile behavior wasn't without its reasons. Losing so much and holding the fate of the world… was a lot. "You'll always be the Kamui I love after all…"

"Thank you for saying that…" Kamui returns, understanding the genuine emotion. "You've always been my Subaru, always there was a love there…of course, it only could grow."

Kamui pauses his story for another breather. He rests his head upon his boyfriend's shoulder to recall so much more. "Back then…I wasn't used to such kindness outside of my mother…so when he offered me his hand, holding it tight, I couldn't help but feel so many emotions all at once…one's I never felt before."

"Hm," Subaru hums as a soft acknowledgment. He's fighting down the odd feeling of hearing Kamui describe past relationships with such fondness. He hadn't expected Kamui to be drawn in by a kind of love he couldn't begin to understand at such a tender age.

"Fuuma…had let me into his home, caring for me and the stray puppy with such devotion…" Kamui explains, fond and wistful over the innocence of youth. "I felt like I could be open to him…there was that instant connection…and you know what he had said when I told him my worries about the puppy…"

Subaru shook his head, clutching Kamui's hand which had begun to tremble once more. The world's savior had taken on far too much.

Kamui continued, happy for his gracious and patient lover. "He told me…that while the dog may feel sadness, as he's on his own again…he'd not only remember kindness but that he would have that memory forever…'Even when he's physically alone, his heart won't be lonely, those words always stuck with me."

"It sounds as though your meeting was nothing short of fate," Subaru spoke so genuinely and kindly.

'Had Kamui fallen in love with him at first sight? Or didn't he feel something for the girl first… Kotori? Neither thought was all that comfortable, but somehow he could understand Kamui a bit more. He had been connected to the Monou siblings for some time.

"That may be…in which case," Kamui brought up their joined hands, squeezing tight. "It would be fate for you and me to have met…to become so deeply connected."

Subaru beams at this, his petty jealousy of the past melting away."I would like to think so…that no matter what the circumstances or world..we would come to know each other."

"Yeah," Kamui had a more lighthearted though, although the words are truly bittersweet. "I'll always cherish that first meeting with you…how you felt in me and as I woke up, on me…so incredibly warm." Realizing these words, Kamui flushes, clearing his throat. "Our meeting is indescribable, how you brought me back when I had lost hope…"

"You did the same for me," Subaru assures.

"Subaru?"

"Hm?"

"Perhaps you could visit their… resting place, with me…?" Kamui asks with some hesitancy.

'I don't feel strong enough to see either of them alone…' Not on such an infamous 'anniversary' of sorts. If he tried he worried his heart would truly shatter.

"Of course, " Subaru answers with such 's nothing there but absolute incredibly strong glistens in the two-toned eyes. "I wouldn't let you go by yourself…not at this time."

Kamui shivers at the very protective hold and intense gaze his lover gives. When his lover was this certain, this protective (this time being within reason), well it was effective on Kamui's mind and body alike.

Those memories were cherished as they always would remain. Now, they could build new memories.

"Thank you Subaru," Kamui replies, finding just enough strength to lean up on his elbows. He looms over his beloved for a sweet well deserved kiss.

---

Career path

"And there's no way to convince you to stay home, and relax for the weekend?" Subaru questions, feeling the worry lines strain his once relaxed expression.

"Subaru…." Kamui sulked, eyebrows furrowing and brushing down. He held a hand to the center of his chest. "I'm going to be working with you soon, regularly. It seems natural I'd get more experience."

"I suppose…" Subaru responds with a lengthy sigh. Seeing his lover huff at this was a rather nice reaction.

"And besides I don't want to just be at home by myself," Kamui admits, whispering sadly. His lover's lips part, so he places a finger in between plush lips. "And before you say I can just go out and see my friends-I…" He stops himself, feeling his lover's fingers dancing over his cheeks. Kamui swallows, heart, skipping as he looks into gentle eyes and blushes.

'I'm supposed to not be this weak for him… at least stay a little more frustrated and firm… '

"You?" Subaru encourages his love, mirth sparkling in his eyes. 'You're way too cute…' He wasn't sure if his heart could handle it… his lover's actions were unintended yet so effective.

But those glistening eyes and gentle fingertips soothing his cheekbones are too much. There was no point denying, Subaru was letting him make his choices with the Onmyouji work, even if begrudgingly.

"I'd just… I don't want to be away from you that long…" Kamui admits, eyes darting away, and cheeks burning up even wilder.

"Kamui… did some-" Subaru stops himself quickly. 'Of course, 'something' happened.' He scolds himself. Something the earth's savior couldn't forget, really no one could.

Being alone at this time would be emotionally detrimental. Subaru had to remind himself, his role in Kamui's life went deeper than others. He was somehow incredibly important to Kamui. Surrounded by friends going out or just relaxing at home, at a time like this, might be hollow.

"Subaru?" Kamui's eyebrows raise, he looks perplexed.

"Okay…" Subaru returns in a bit of defeat. He hangs his head and can feel the victorious gleam on his lover's lips. "You should start packing if you want to go, we will be leaving early in the morning."

Subaru tries to play it cool, professional. As though this were a rational decision, and as though his heart weren't so easily swayed by his beloved.

And God….

When Subaru looks back up at his lover, sees the angelic beam over his lip, he drops whatever clothing he'd been fumbling with, heart surging. Those long sleek arms reach out and are suddenly slung around Subaru.

"Thank you, Subaru…" Kamui expresses his tone far softer, and less gloatingly than expected. The younger man did love when he could 'win' and sway Subaru's mind. Boldly, Kamui kissed his lips so languidly.

No, this time, Kamui looked genuinely grateful. Relief flooded his eyes, and Subaru could feel Kamui become lighter as he pressed his lips to close. And once again, 'won' Subaru over, effortless…

Work

That next morning brought on their current job. This time the client, a wealthy older woman, kindly offered to send her driver to their home.

'It's a bit tricky to find my place amongst all the trees and shrubbery. Plus I'd hate to give you more work than you already have.' A very kindly client was addressed via the phone.

To release whatever spirit had tied itself to her estate, that was their job.

A single spirit that had been holding tight for quite some time. Souls of loved ones holding on to a special place were nothing unusual to come about in this field.

Of course, things were rarely this simple. The next two days would be busy. Even if Subaru find a job early, he knew of potential, waitlisted clients in the same area who would gladly book the Sumeragi leader. So he would be occupied.

Correction. Subaru looks over to his side, smiling at the boy sitting across from him in the luxury car. They would be occupied.

"I guess it is out of the way," Kamui whispers to his lover, gesturing quietly as they begin to leave the main city and head into a forest destination.

"A lot of times clients will want their privacy," Subaru returned the whisper, right to his lover's ear. He's cautious not to talk too much, not wanting this to be mistaken for idle gossip. "To have some space away from others, knowing they have a spirit drawn specifically to them."

It certainly helped to avoid having a neighborhood in an uproar over "ghost sightings" nearby.

"Oh," Kamui casually returns, resting his head on his lover's shoulder. He places a book, one of his Christmas presents open on his lap, taking a break to enjoy the greenery. "That makes sense."

'She's most certainly influential.' Subaru ponders this, examining the luxury car and the mention of an 'estate' kept from others. He was sure Kamui would suspect the same.

The moment they were out the door, Subaru could feel it. They went over towards a luxurious temple-style guest home, their client provided.

There were those eyes again. The spirits surrounding this place seemed entirely too inclined to latch to Kamui. Subaru kept a close eye on them, subconsciously, wrapping an arm around his lover's waist. The younger man is closely pulled to his side, held protectively.

"You know, I don't mind this, Subaru …" Kamui purrs, enjoying the feeling of cuddling up, laying his tired head. They were alone here, as far as corporeal beings went. "But your clients may get suspicious that we are a bit more than work partners if they see us like this."

Indeed many could tell from the looks they exchange alone.

"We'll be fine," Subaru brushes this off and doesn't waver in his hold. Not when he can feel a presence looming towards Kamui's side, never close enough to come up to him, but inspecting.

The blurry apparition had something he'd taken notice of a few times. Entrancing and mystical violet-blue orbs, the color not nearly as bright as his beloved's but it was too close to

"Just stay close to me," Subaru advised, fighting the urge to melt or lose focus as Kamui nuzzles him.

'I won't allow anyone to harm you, my Kamui.' Subaru keeps to his vow.

---

Treasured

Magamis were targeted. They were wanted and used to protect an irreplaceable person.

Kamui's mother never once talked about the family. He never met any of his relatives and stopped asking when he realized his father was entirely out of the picture.

Perhaps, it was for the best. Being the 'last' Magami, at least as far as Kamui knew, would make him targeted. His mother kept him from that.

He held the surname of a father he never met and strayed from the infamy of his mother's bloodline. It worked. No one knew of Kamui's connection, and no one sought him out.

Even more so than his late mother, his sacrifice was intended to heal the world. A shadow sacrifice that didn't have to die what is sought to protect, a rarity. Though it could have been so different.

With hope, and certainly a great deal of persistence, the young savior could stray away from anything involving his lineage.

Magamis were powerful, sought after, and had a charm to them.

At least that's how it feels, with how easily Kamui stole his heart. How his eyes were always drawn to the other.

The glowing eyes of violet were still following them. Subaru kept Kamui close, though a little less snuggly as they approached their client.

The older woman, tall, slender, and bright-eyed, happily welcomed in the esteemed Sumeragi head. The esteemed couple truly caught her eyes, gaze shifting all around the pair.

One with the slightest of spiritual powers could sense something grand within Kamui as he stepped through the gates and towards the grand home. A beautiful marble water fountain was placed in front.

"Thank you for coming," She bowed her head, graciously. Her long brown hair fell amongst her brown eyes. "Sumeragi..and?*

Subaru bowed his head politely. He noticed a curious gaze falling to the shorter boy on his right.

"Oh right, this is Shirou Kamui," Subaru introduces, smiling at the polite way Kamui nods to the older woman. "He's been a great help assisting me with this work."

"Wonderful.," She clapped her hands together and held a tender smile. "You two seem quite close," she comments, causing the dust of pink to gloss over both males' cheeks. "You can call me Sakiko," She insists upon this. "My… 'husband' is still rather influential right now, and… truly the surname hasn't felt right in years…" Her voice turns melancholy, as she gazes off at the hydrangeas.

"That's no problem," Subaru assures, having more than enough experience with wealthy influential clients. Though her insistence seemed less about image and more… lonely.

"Come with me, I'll show you to the place I've told you about…" The woman, Sakiko, puts up a polite smile. Quickly, she masks the painful emotion, though it lingered in her eyes.

"Of course," Subaru returns the gesture. Taking Kamui's hand, leading him over to their destination.

Yet, the chosen boy's mind seemed elsewhere. Kamui was staring off to the side, a seemingly empty flower garden of tulips caught his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Subaru asks, feeling a faint spiritual presence in that direction. He grips Kamui's hand a bit tighter.

"Nothing," Kamui insists, with a quick half-smile. This only makes his lover that much more curious, but they leave it be.

Maybe Subaru does have some point to his worries… There have been more spirits drawn towards me lately.

He chooses to save his thoughts for another day. Walking closely at each other's side they catch up to a vibrant garden area. Classic tiered fountains, sound off with a relaxing flow.

"This garden is special to me," Sakiko explains, reaching her hands out to feel the petals of a baby pink peony. "It's my most treasured place," she recalls, wistfully. Her longing returns, her eyes moving to all the flowers around her.

"And this is the place where," She pauses, reaching up towards another vibrant flowering bush of tulips. She rests her fingers under the yellow tulip, lingering sadly. "Where things have been the most chaotic."

"...Do you feel this spirit may be a personal connection, a loved one?" Subaru asks gently, holding a great deal of sympathy for all his clients. "When we talked over the phone you mentioned the presence was familiar."

"I'm beginning to think… No, by now. I know exactly who it is," Sakiko professes, eyes still downcast, and her plastered smile feeling so gloomy. "Perhaps I've known this all along… for decades…" making both spiritually gifted males' eyes raise in surprise. There certainly was something deeper here, for a spirit to hold on that long…went far beyond some normal regret.

Sakiko hangs her head a bittersweet yet more sincere curl of her lips took over. It sank while she spoke again, quietly and forlorn. "Though I never should have."

Subaru and Kamui looked towards one another with a solemn expression before turning back to their client.

"Why...do you feel that?" Kamui voices the question earnestly before even his partner could speak. He glances into the old woman's eyes and sees a dried-up sadness, wavering.

"Because… it's the person I love the most," She confesses, eyes again diverting. The broken, and wavering brown eyes gazed off to the flowers. Memories, painful ones must have come over her. As the light in her eyes began to dim.

'Love…so she holds this person so tightly to this day.' Kamui looks over towards his partner, worried at how despondent the older man becomes. 'Of course, you feel so deeply, and care for others, feeling some of their pain… ' Kamui reflects upon this only coming in closer, right at his lover's side. He reaches out; his hand brushes over Subaru's arm, comforting.

The older woman catches the soft bout of intimacy and smiles at them. Her eyes are…threatening to tear but nothing comes. Pain for far too long. She continues reminiscing. "Though we could never be…I had my marriage arranged ages ago."

Sadness flows through her weary voice. She gazes off at the sky, perhaps to the heavens. "And the one I truly loved…was of a rather peculiar lineage, devoted to being at another's side no matter the cost..."

"That must have been painful for both of you then," Subaru bows his head sincerely, "I'm truly sorry…" he feels a lightness as Kamui's head brushed against his arm. So warm, and real and here beside him, even when it was hard.

"You both are kind-hearted," She returns and waves her hand down in a gesture for the two young men not to get lost in her sorrow. "Even hearing I held feelings while being married, I felt deeply for someone else…"

"There isn't a person alive, beyond love's reach…" Subaru murmurs so delicately and soft. He's more so whispering to himself, with the recollection. His sister's smiling face came to mind, he could envision this amongst the clouds.

"Subaru?" Kamui calls him tenderly. Violet-blue orbs dazzle with a sign of deep worry.

His beloved mentor shakes his head, a small light in his eyes ensuring he's alright. "It's something my sister once said…"

"Thank you for that," Sakiko returns, leading them both towards the central part of the garden. A silver angel statue is displayed at the top of the large tiered water fountain.

"So this person you love…has been lingering Kamui speaks softly, close to his lover's side. Whilst he doesn't feel that same level of empathy and sympathy to clients…he can through his mentor.

"Perhaps, it's excusing myself, but there was never love there. My husband had his own share of lovers," She explains rather simply, no resentment or judgment. Truly, the connection was loveless. "But he had an image to maintain…so we stayed together this long…and the person I loved swore to protect the man I'm married to now…"

"So you all were connected?" Kamui can't hold back the urge to voice his growing intrigue. "Neither of you…could change fate."

"That's right," Sakiko answers. "It's rather complicated…meant to fail from the start…." she laughs sardonically. Perhaps, I shouldn't speak of things like this, though you two both seem rather knowledgeable…have you heard of a shadow sacrifice?"

Kamui's blood turns cold, he freezes at the spot. His mother comes to mind immediately, then his aunt and fire tear all his memories apart.

"We have heard about this," Subaru answers for them both. He places a caring hand at the back of his shaken-up lover. There's a relief as Kamui leans slightly into the touch. He pulls his precious protege to his side, whispering words of love into his ear.

Kamui kept silent, but was still present, doing his best to remain professional. His heart was determined to prove to his lover, he was fully capable of making this work, and being a worthy partner to the lead Onmyouji.

'You're stronger than I could ever be…' Subaru believes, feeling a weary head fall on his arm. This went far beyond just power. The younger man's heart held incredible resilience, a good source of that strength from Subaru himself.

"Then you already know the fate…they are burdened with," Sakiko holds her head low, and breathes a deep, pain-filled sigh. "Their time came far too soon…" She sits down upon the fountain, hand gliding over the falling water. "I had first met my beloved right here…introduced to be a sacrifice for my husband, as many others in his line of work did the same. I didn't expect to fall in love just then...so quickly…"

Sakiko turns towards the looks exchanged between the forlorn spiritualists. "That was a long time ago now…please don't worry for me and my ramblings…" The older woman plays this off lightly, though her pained eyes tell another story.

"I kept this person in this realm for too long, always needing them. Even when I tried to let go…there wasn't a medium or Onmyouji who could manage to set him free," she views her reflection in the flowing fountain and turns back to the pair. She bows her head down low, desperate, and pained. She begs for this one request, "Please, let him finally pass on the other side, find happiness once more.."

"We'll do everything we can…" Subaru promises this much, as always earnest and willing to do all he can to help, especially one whose heart has been truly broken.

---

Protocol

While not sensing a tempered spirit now, it didn't mean there weren't some to come. Their client's spouse held quite a bit of influence and power.

So setting things up was…

"It's just a precaution," Subaru calmly explains to his precious little Protégé across from him.

"You're precautious?" Kamui playfully teased, eyes raising, in a sign of mock - surprise. "All this time at your side... I never would have guessed…" ' He teases with a victorious yet endearing little smirk, one his mentor was unable to respond to. There was a growing comfortability between them, bringing in a nice sense of peace and belonging.

"Perhaps but…" Subaru sighs, shaking his head. He does his best to suppress even the tiniest of smiles. His Protégé brought the light to situations he "These steps are rather necessary, Kamui," He returns seriously, looking at his lover with mirth. "We wouldn't want to be rash."

"So I'm too rash then?" Kamui indulges in this playful banter. putting several paper charms and protective seals within and just outside of the home.

"I'm not saying that…but rather we balance each other out then…" Subaru had finished placing a protective charm up near the corner of the ceiling. Stepping down the ladder he smiles fondly at the sight of his protective mentor. One who can't help but stay close to the ladder Kamui climbed upon.

Subaru agrees with a smitten curl on his lips. "We work well together."

"That we do," Kamui mirrors the same expression.

The older man had his hand twitching a bit to his side, working on letting Kamui do what he's fully capable of. Still, while not guiding his protégé down, or holding a hand on his back as support. He did offer his hand at the final steps.

"But I know you're being a professional, taking all the right steps…" Kamui readily accepted this affectionate gesture. "I just… might like bringing out this side of you."

'Another side I fall hopelessly for'

If nothing else, the pure magic when they touched was far too wonderful to deny.

"And what side would that be? " Subaru asks endearingly, with a strong brightness in his eyes.

Kamui breaks the distance taking the space between. He leans right up to, and with some help of his tiptoes, does his best to reach his taller mentor's eye level.

Violet-blue eyes shimmer brilliantly. They focus on their precious target, ensuring the dual-toned gems of eyes are locked in place.

Kamui begins to speak, finding this was a bad idea. After all the amorous looks Subaru gave to him were just as effective as his own. He couldn't make his boyfriend's heart flutter without doing the same to himself. The warm breath falling over his lips doesn't help.

But they somehow maintain the tiniest bit of space.

"The side of you that can laugh and smile with me, being in the moment," Kamui ensures kindly enough, trying not to gasp at the feeling of their lips just barely brushing by. It didn't go anywhere, but it made the next words come out with even more sentimentality than planned. Which was saying something."I love to see the side of Subaru that can be Free."

"I… " Subaru's eyes blinked repeatedly, before widening. The pupils dilated as they focused on the love in front of them, and the words behind that.

'What could I say to that…?'

Being free… certainly not a word he would ever describe himself as. Not before… His duties and expectations have been there since he was born. Always striving to do it all, to help everyone. His own needs and wants were neglected for so long.

Bound, shackled, imprisoned, sworn to duty above all else… certainly those concepts

"I suppose that's true," Subaru replies gently, trying to keep the inside as calm as he could project on the outside. After taking a small step back, he turns around inspecting the scenery at a glance. He begins to look outside….

The precious things the star-crossed lovers possessed were strewn out on a soft silky blanket. They lay on the same fountain, the destination of their meeting.

If anything… it should draw out the attention of this particular spirit… a notorious family.

Of course, Kamui's came to mind automatically, but he wouldn't know from that. There were other families he had known sworn to protect and dispel whatever came their way. Though they didn't all hold the same prestige.

"Subaru?" Kamui asks cautiously, hand on his lover's shoulder. He guides them towards the threshold.

The sun begins to set, a view beautiful and befitting of a luxurious home.

This… task was crucial. They would be beginning a seance of sorts to hopefully bring the spirit out peacefully. Thus their client is so close, essentially a lure for her loved one to come out. Though it was what she insisted on.

But would this be enough? There was only one way to truly be sure.

Something about the setting sun and upcoming evening sky drew spiritual beings out.

"Kamui? Can you begin a barrier spell for me?" Subaru requests, in his ever-patient and kind manner.

"I-oh... Sure!" Kamui beamed at his lover's acknowledgment.

Finally, he felt he was able to share the burden and weight that came from being an onmyouji. He kneeled upon the blanket strewn out. A square sheet of paper, already adorned with a protection symbol in the middle, laid flat. Kamui closed his eyes, infusing but a drop of his ki to activate the dome-shaped protectant.

'Kekkai… ' Kamui thought over this soberly. The only time he could summon it was at the very end. The war between the Dragons of heaven and Dragons of the earth was quelled. The need for the surviving seals to create such massive barriers wasn't in need. Thus the exact magic, the perfect shape of the chosen one's Kekkai was not currently possible.

It wasn't perfect but still, extra protection against the unknown helped. "Wonderful, Kamui," Subaru looks back at his lover with pure awe, barely stopping himself from gushing over his protégé, whose eyes lit up brighter than any constellation could hope to.

Kamui flushed at the praise, he sat down in a prepared circular area. A deep red sheet was placed where he and Subaru would be sitting. Several candles surrounded the pair alongside a few handy spell tags and ofuda for each main element.

Violet-blue orbs began to glow with ethereal power. Yet, far more calm, Subaru took a breath.

Enchanting gold and emerald eyes began to close. Kamui follows suit. Subaru worked towards tapping into the astral plane. Changing a few words he grasps Kamui's hand.

Thus began the exchanging of ki between them. Connecting he could begin to transfer his power to his lover. Though each time Subaru had only to offer less and less. His beloved protege caught at a frighteningly fast pace.

This should be expected of the Kamui, and sensical the one holding the most power would be able to learn so rapidly. But as his precious lover Kamui, he couldn't help but hope Kamui would take things at a slower pace. The last thing anyone wanted was incredible powers being obtained but not yet controlled.

'And I don't know what I could do if that were to happen.' Subaru laments at the idea. With the other Kamui deceased there wasn't anyone who came close to matching his Kamui's power.

Kamui relaxed within the meditative pose. He took deep, slow and calming breaths. His mind created the image of a door, opening up to receive the gifts and power his mentor was bestowing.

When the transfer process was completed, Subaru sought out his Shikigami. The dark mythical raven appeared, stretching its wings out wide. Dark mysterious eyes obediently gaze at its master with diligence.

'I'll need you to search for any nearby presences…'

The Shikigami let out a sharp, confirmative cry. Swiftly, it started heading out to scope the realm of spirits and report back.

There was a soft pause as Subaru worked towards preparing his subconscious to enter a spirit realm if one didn't come out. He could feel Kamui's nerves. His lover harshly squeezed his hand at the first sign of that kind of magic being used.

They were in luck, as rather quickly the mythical creature returned with confirmation. Nothing alarming but it had strong energy. None too volatile.

The presence was coming out even closer, to the point where Subaru and Kamui could sense and see a vision of a shadowy figure transcending.

"Are you able to sense them as well?" Subaru asks aloud.

"Yeah… I do…" Kamui voices aloud. Though there doesn't seem to be any signs of resistance or malice. The spirit was coming to them. Closer and closer…without a sense of malice… or fear.

"Ah, so again, someone seeks me to come out now," The soft-spoken spirit called out to them. "An, onmyouji this time," Their tone feels so evenly and cool, seeming quite used to this scenario.

"So you are aware," Subaru blinks a bit off guard at the relaxed state of the wandering soul.

"Yes, I've had experience" They smiled, closing their eyes. "Quite a bit of it over the years." They tease in a mirthful voice.

The spirit came fully into the light, hovering within the physical realm. Kamui and Subaru could see and hear openly.

Truly, there was something mystical about them. Their form, even in passing remained in such formal attire, befitting for the shadow sacrifice of one with such prestige. The figure of a tall young man with long dark hair came into existence.

While their client had aged normally, the image of her belated love did not. He held the same vitality and as one within their early 20s, the very age they must have passed. All this time holding on…

Their client didn't appear to have the vision to see beyond the physical realm. yet, here she was looking right at the spirit with a pained smile.

The belated visitor glides across the garden to where she had been sitting. All the items are gazed upon for a few longing moments.

A picture frame, one likely kept secret, held an old yet preserved photograph of the young man. Looking just as he did as a spirit, he stood by the fountain with a hopeless smile. It was clear a precious person had taken this, with lovelorn depth in his eyes.

Flowers from ages ago, a simple bouquet of soft white Lilies and Sunflowers. They were treasured, freeze-dried, and preserved in a small white box, decades old.

Several old books with worn feathered bookmarks. The ones she has taken and treasured were surrounded all around with her.

The last hidden treasure was a small love note alongside. Half-open one could see a very detailed sketch of the woman.

"Y-You kept those all this time?" He asks in a voice choked up. While a hand reaches to touch the top of the older woman's head it simply goes through. He sighs with resignation.

While she shivers at the touch, holding a hand to her chest, the words themselves are unable to reach.

"I know she can't hear me yet still I…" The spirit elements with a sense of dejection. Mystical eyes glance back towards the onmyouji pair.

Subaru nods at this. He and his Protégé waited quietly for the lovelorn soul to adapt to being brought in the open.

"Please, know, I only wish to talk with you and help. I'm Sumeragi Subaru," He introduces himself as calmly as ever. His partner beside him felt a tug at his chest, feeling a sense of nostalgia with the gentle introduction.

"Ah, you are of the Sumeragi clan?" They recalled. "That would make sense as to why your aura is so strong."

"That's right." Kamui nods, proudly over to his boyfriend. So he fills in. "He's even more than that, My… ah… m-mentor is the current head."

Focusing from the Sumeragi leader to his rather close… protégé, the spirit wavers. His energy shifting and transparent form quivering. His eyes raise, intrigued and slightly fearful even.

"But that doesn't explain the boy beside you…And then you are. ..?" He asks warily, for the first time since appearing, a fear lingers. With strength, the pair possessed they could easily send him off to the other side, and he hadn't a chance to challenge this ."Your aura is incredibly powerful…like no other, I've seen."

"This is my partner, Shirou Kamui," Subaru proudly gestures to his protege. His lips curve, locking eyes with the younger man. There's such pride, as he looks quietly at his lover's heavenly aura glowing a heavenly gold.

"Different surnames?" The question comes a little confused. There was certainly a shared power being exchanged between the two. Something that intimate… rarely occurred without a profound commitment.

Subaru doesn't quite grasp the subtext. 'Perhaps we look similar?' "That's right, we are not in a familial relationship." Really, at this point, he should have grasped why.

"Oh, I didn't think like that. Your ki and aura are vastly different to be blood-related." A pause follows.

"I just assumed you two were close and connected enough to…" He stopped, with a shake of their heads. "It's nothing."

"Right…" Subaru speaks, deciding to brush the comment off. His mind unravels the implications, and he coughs into his closed hand.

"You may call me Saiki," The spirit holds a bittersweet smile. With a long exasperated sigh, the lost soul travels to 'sit' right at the older woman's side. "I've… known Miss… Sakiko for some time. Or I had…"

"Miss…" Kamui repeats quietly. A more rational part understands why. But it's not as though this 'Saiki' had to keep up appearances in the afterlife. "Though you seem so close."

"I suppose it's become a habit…" Saiki laughs, hand brushing over their past love. He does so as much as possible without falling through.

Even the air around them somehow felt… sorrowful.

"All the time I knew her… I had been sworn to protect her husband… and naturally, I couldn't help but protect her as well."

"Protecting…" Subaru comments softly. He can't help but ask. All of this rang quite similar. "So this was a duty of your family?"

"Yes. You could certainly say just that," Saiki replied solemnly. "I'm of the Fujimiya clan... No matter what I might try, I can't go against my destiny."

"Your destiny?" Kamui repeats, pained and… lost in his thoughts. That word never boded well.

"That's right… you see… I'm from one of a select few families who are fated to take on another's pain, suffering, curses… anything that overcomes them." Saiki explains, shaking his head, attempting to brush his fingers through his forbidden love's soft tresses.

"What many call a shadow sacrifice. "

Tension rapidly fills the air. Subaru and Kamui freeze at the mention of the word. The latter is a bit more shaken up. His eyes grew wider and his hands began to tremble.

"Kamui…" Subaru calls worriedly, grasping for his hand. Kamui sinks into his touch, squeezing tight.

"I take it from that reaction you are aware of what that means."

"My…" Kamui paused, biting on his lip, unsure how to go into this. He didn't find it..too comforting to admit to being in the family. Namely, a remaining heir. "Your family are they also familiar with the Magamis?"

This threw the spirit through a loop. Their eyes rose at the mention of such a powerful name. "Yes, the Magamis… they're considered… to have immeasurable strength, and certainly the most sought after."

Subaru resists the urge to completely bring Kamui up into a lover's embrace. He settles keeping his love at his side. An arm snuggly wraps around the smaller male's shoulders, keeping them flushed together.

There's a relief as Kamui does allow himself to fall into him. The only images the chosen boy could conjure of the Magamis clan were traumatizing. His mother burning before his eyes and his aunt torn apart for the birth of a shinken. It was only natural that Kamui would be reactive.

Subaru's protective nature wouldn't let his beloved suffer more lost in painful memories. He turns to Kamui's ear, breathes affectionate words, assurances. They bring a bit of light back into Kamui's eyes…

Subaru can't help but desire to know a few more things about his lover's past, in order to keep him safe. It was rare that anyone even knew the name Magami let alone their legacy. He doesn't wish to open up more old wounds, so it's kept brief.

"I'm familiar with them… I've found it's quite difficult to find out much more about the family," Subaru explains to the knowledgeable spirit.

The spirit returns. "That would make sense… all bloodlines destined to be shadow sacrifices were… kept quiet. Very few know of them, especially the Magamis…"

"What do you know of them?" Subaru inquires as neutral as possible.

"Not… as much as I'd like. I do know the Magami line was found primarily in Tokyo, where many in power resided… but that's not to say they are limited there." Saiki offers the explanation, feeling a sense of guilt. There was clearly pain between the two young men regarding this topic. "A lot of the family members were said to grow up and train in th Shinto temples around…though most have been abandoned by now.

Subaru lets out a quiet but lingering sigh. "I see…" Still, he follows up with. "Thank you."

"It seems you both are aware of the circumstances I was put in… though even with my fate I could never let go of her…" Saiki returns. "I can't imagine passing on, ever feeling happy again… without Sakiko at my side."

"Which is why you have remained here for so long."

"Hm... "Kamui hums as though confirming he's calmed enough, no longer shaking. Subaru brushes his partner's lower back, soothing in circles.

The onmyouji looks towards his beloved with unease, but Kamui gives him a (somewhat) reassuring smile.

'I'm fine now.' He appears to mouth the words.

"I understand wanting to be with the one you love…" Kamui speaks again, looking with sympathy to the forlorn spirit. "But… it might be you continuing to linger here… is causing you both more pain than anything."

One who remains close but can never touch the one he loves. Surely, the pain of that was maddening.

"I… that may be true…" He agrees on the circumstances reluctantly. "But I still would rather feel that way than leave her alone."

"Even if that's what she desires… for you to finally find peace?" Subaru asks the question gently, though it undoubtedly stings.

"What? she…?" The news of this stirs painfully inside.

Having listened patiently before now, the elderly woman speaks up. "Would it be possible for me to speak with him?"

Subaru turns back to the woman and nods. "Yes, your words will come through to his side… and I can return what he wishes to tell you."

"Thank you…" The kindly woman expresses, gathering herself for a few moments before finding the words.

"My dearest Saiki, you must know I've loved you… since the moment we met." Sakiko returns, grasping for one of the dried flowers, twirling it between her fingers. "For so long… you've stayed at my side."

"Of course. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else," Saiki returns the words, grateful as the Onmyouji repeats them openly.

The woman hangs her head, eyes seeming about ready to tear. "For so long… I've just been unable to let you go… even when I tried to send someone to do so… you must have known in my heart I couldn't bear it."

Her beloved responds instantly, as Subaru repeats his words.

"I always felt the same. My heart couldn't handle being taken away from you… not when I know I've already caused you such pain."

The woman looks towards her side, not seeing but feeling a loving presence there. Her soft eyes begin welling with pained emotions.

"I understand that… but you deserve to truly feel at peace… I've been only selfish in keeping you here. "

"Please… don't cry…" Her lover wavers, eyes shivering. The spirit reaches out to touch the woman's cheek, fingers ghosting over, as they pretend to brush away the tears. "It's what I've chosen to do."

The woman keeps her line of sight where she feels her presence. Though unable to envision them properly she closes her eyes. "I know you're worried for my own pain… and held on for this long. Though it is your choice… I can't keep you lingering here…not now anyway."

"Not now?" Saiki asks, feeling an oncoming dread.

"I fear my time is soon to come…" She reveals prompting, surprised reactions from the group around her.

Subaru and Kamui's eyes rose wildly at the reveal. The expression slowly shifts to one of realization. Just why she was insistent on letting them go.

The woman's lover held a broken expression. Their heads tilted down, with long locks of hair falling to conceal the torn-up emotion.

"I'm an old woman now, already far from 'beautiful' to you I'm sure…" She speaks bittersweet.

"That's not true!" The spirit interjects. Yet the older woman, upon hearing the repeated words continues, resigned.

"Please know, the last way I wish for you to remember me is in this pain… so if nothing else…"She takes a deep, longing breath." Her eyes release a waterfall of untamed tears. She finishes with her last request. "P-Please, for me, be free…."

There's a long, chilling silence as the words leave. Neither Subaru nor his precious Protégé break such silence, knowing this was something too personal between the lost lovers.

"Please…" Sakiko begs, eyes beginning to flood with emotion kept away for far too long. "Wait for me there…?"

"I've never wished to go… though.." Saiki resigns, looking towards the torn-up woman "But if this is what she is asking for me. If this will help her then… of course… I'll be waiting."

The spirit attempts to embrace his long-lost love as tightly as possible. Somehow this time, it feels as though their warmth is shared…

"Just… Please let her know I will always love her. " Saiki insists, words overflowing with devotion. 'If nothing else, let her know this much.'

As Subaru conveys those same words, the woman breaks down entirely. Her heart is raw, as she buries her weary eyes into her hands, before collapsing, lying with her face buried into the blanket beneath.

Subaru's eyes darkened, the feeling only coming out more painful as he sees the melancholic eyes of his beloved.

'It won't help to delay this…'.

Quietly, and with no more resistance. Subaru sets the spirit free to finally return to the light and one day… be reunited.

"Thank you… " were the last words spoken of their client. She feels a part of her beginning to leave this realm, and tears burst wildly.

Within the next week, Kamui and Subaru had heard an update from their former client. It was unexpected, for certain. Their client's secretary had reported in….

"Thank you for all you have done. Ms. Sakiko looked truly free, and asked me to express her thanks…" A long-drawn-out exhale follows up, delivering news like this never would be easy. "Unfortunately, there were …complications, leading to her early passing."

Those complications being… labeled as. 'Broken Heart Syndrome.' - It rarely got t the point of bringing fatalities…but it was possible.

As much as she wished to free her love, her heart could only handle so much. Decades of longing, pretending to be with and love another. All of this was exhausting.

"I wanted to pass this message along, and thank you for allowing her final days to be at peace."

Kamui's lips fell, hearing the news from his lover. Had they don't the right thing? Even if she was to pass soon… to do so prior… From a broken heart. Had they only caused more pain?

"This is… a more difficult part of our work." Subaru resigns sadly.

"Yeah…" Kamui says in a little murmur. He looks up at his lover with determination in his eyes. "But that's why I need to be at your side. So you don't face these things alone."

The words tore at Subaru's heartstrings, as he scooped his love into his arms and kissed him soundlessly.

I'll never let you be alone…

---

Year's End

Truly, Kamui felt grateful to have a break for the holidays. His classmates were likely getting ready to go to some party. Of course, the New Year's festival at CLAMP school was extremely popular.

Students didn't have to worry over tests or schoolwork, so it would be even busier now.

Even before the holidays… Students were chattering on and on about who they might see at the festival or who they hoped to kiss at midnight.

The energy and hope many held for this time of year… felt frustrating. A time like this being celebrated…where the world's fate has been in the balance. Of course, most people weren't aware, living blissfully unaware.

Today, Kamui couldn't bring himself to smile. Not truly. Waking up from countless Nightmares of Fuuma and that final battle haunted him.

Even with Subaru promptly embracing him. Placing adoring kisses all over, whispering sweet nothings… he still felt… so broken.

Subaru had the right idea of moving from their bedroom, where reoccurring nightmares persist. Easily, the older male swept up Kamui. Subaru took them both to enjoy a soothing and warm bath.

Kamui indeed found himself easing up more, his trembling stopped. Gentle fingers played with blue-black silky hair, before mixing around the Lilac scented shampoo. The loving and devoted hands, so intimately, brushing through his hair, massaging him. Kamui finally could fall back asleep, his back pressed against his lover.

"Mmm… Subaru…" Kamui murmured a few soft words, but they were indecipherable as he fell back into his dreams.

Subaru breathed a long sigh of relief to see a more relaxed expression on his lover's face. Kamui must have been able to have such a peaceful dream. There was relief… for around 20 minutes…

Kamui woke up in a cold sweat, his nicer dreams quickly turning to nightmares. Images of peaceful days in a pure flower field quickly shifted to horror. Subaru had to repeat the process all over again, his heart ached, when Kamui got to the point where he wasn't responsive.

The torn-up boy kept whispering… 'Fuuma', so agonized. The heartache from lost love, tremendous guilt being the one Kamui to survive, and agonizing pain, all of this tore at the young man's heartstrings.

Subaru felt his own begin to break at his torn-up, shaking, and crying lover.

Kamui brought his knees up to his chest, lying at his side Subaru took a deep breath ignoring the pain of Kamui jolting from his touch. The broken young man had been too lost in thought to react and feel as he usually did.

Still, Subaru persists, wrapping his arms around Kamui. He slowly brings the boy to lie back into his chest. Kamui calms… though keeps wide awake.

Worried, Subaru slides his hand over his lover's core. He rests his tied eyes beside his lover's neck, concentrating on the wild amount of ki roaming through his lover.

"I'm here… Kamui," Subaru coos, tenderly, he kisses his neck. "I love you… this spell… should help you sleep."

A familiar spell, prompting his lover to sleep as he had one year ago. This time, Kamui had less resistance to sleep. Finally, he murmured a sweet "Subaru…", before drifting off one final time.

Kamui now would be surrounded by those that love him. His friends at school and of the Dragons of Heaven were always looking out for him, making sure he was okay and never having to be alone.

Subaru found his happiness, giving every ounce of love and pouring it into Kamui.

Resting Place

Subaru and Kamui later found themselves heading back onto the CLAMP campus at the earliest possibility. Incense sticks, flowers, a bucket, towels… everything was ready to go visiting the Monou's resting place.

Kamui clung to Subaru's side like a lifeline. He buried his face into his lover's shoulder, not willing to look up. Of course, said lover held him protectively, keeping an arm snuggly around Kamui at all times.

They knelt at the site. Kamui gave no warning to his protector as desperately lunged forward. He crashed into Subaru's waiting arms and hugged him so tight it was nearly painful. Subaru returned the embrace, protecting, loving, and healing the scars of Kamui's heart. Scars that seemed to tear on a day like this.

"Kamui…"

This time of year would never be easy… so those close to the pair, ensured to do what they could to help and be there.

The former Dragons of Heaven called up the director. Nokoru was more than happy to have his guests returning to visit the campus.

Kamui's friends arranged a time to come and show their support. Arms were full of flowers, roses, lilacs, lilies, tulips, orchids, hydrangeas, and many more kinds were present. A rainbow of colors surrounded the resting sight of the Monou siblings.

The tender gesture caused Kamui to peek out from his little sanctuary in Subaru's arms. He could feel his heart clenching tight, and a new wave of tears began. Quickly, Kamui dove his head back into his lover's chest, his own hideaway. He loved and appreciated his friends for coming…but still didn't feel comfortable crying so openly, and certainly not in any other's arms.

Patience and compassion helped Kamui to gradually come around. The former seals gathered, paying their respects, or offering a prayer.

Aoki, Karen, Yuzuriha, and Arashi, all of them gathered around the couple. Karen was the first to kneel down and sit close to the curled-up boy. She glides her fingers up and down, the back of Kamui's head.

"Kamui…" She murmurs in a smooth nurturing manner. It stirs something in Kamui to look out, he finds the image of his late mother come to mind. Not the same, but there was a similar warmth, when the pink-haired woman spoke so gently, nurturing.

His eyes calmed from the prior storm of emotions, well enough to calm for a few moments. Violet-blue orbs blurrily focus on the older woman. Words couldn't quite form now, still shaken up, but he could look over to his friends, with a pained smile.

"It's okay…" Karen ensures, softly raking her sleek hands through a silky raven head. She holds a tender, sympathetic smile. "You don't have to force anything for us…we simply wanted to be here as a support for you, and whatever you need."

"Mn..hm.." Kamui murmurs a few sounds of confirmation.

"Though we aren't able to do as much as your Subaru~" She begins in a gently teasing tone. Her words come good-naturedly. Her lips curl up seeing the flush of pink. Kamui starts retreating and burying his face into the source of his safety. "We are here for you Kamui."

The former seals quietly talk amongst themselves. Kamui is given all the time he needs. His love's arms tighten around him, and soft plush lips at his forehead help him come around.

After a while, a shaky Kamui turns around to more clearly acknowledge his friends. "T-Thank you…" He manages to whisper the words.

"Of course," Karen begins, gently brushing a hand around the young man's shoulders. She smiles seeing Kamui able to take a few breaths. His boyfriend remains diligently at his side. He holds his hand tightly, interlocking them in what feels like an unbreakable chain. "There's no need for thanks…if anything we should be thanking you… you've given so much already." She brushes the tender, tear-stained cheeks. A similar image of his mother appears in Kamui's head once more.

"That's right," Aoki Seiichirou's voice comes off from the silence. He walks a little closer, nearing Karen's side but not wishing to crowd earth's savior. "I'm able to be with my family again, something I…wouldn't have the chance to without you. So, Thank you."

The older male kneels down beside Karen, gradually trading places. The kindly brunette holds a fond smile as he reaches into his side pocket, "My daughter wanted me to bring this to you," he holds a small piece of paper, the words "feel better" were scribbled with a crayon in a child's messy writing. There were some odd series of shapes, one could suppose to be a type of flower. Taped over the center of the card was a single daisy. "She understands as much as…a precious friend is hurting, and insists you have this."

"Mmmm," Kamui nods, finding words a little difficult to grasp. His shaky hand accepts the card, his eyes scan over the innocent gesture. "You can…tell her thank you…"

"Of course," Aoki ensures this happily. "It's the least I can do. I can't imagine having my family back, without everything you've done." Soft brown orbs brighten, his mind swirling with images of his reconnected family. And so much gratitude…there weren't enough words to express. He pauses for a moment as though debating if the words would be alright. "I brought white chrysanthemums too…I somehow felt they would like these," he gestures back towards the resting sites and the piles of flowers.

Kamui nods at this looking over towards the caring display his friends arranged. Something in his heart sinks a little. His throat feels too dry, he leans back to feel his lover's warmth behind him. A protective arm pulls him back in.

"Thank you for doing so," Subaru answers in place of Kamui. Slightly he bows his head… He whispers a few gentle words in Kamui's ear. It's alright Kamui, please, just look at me." He maneuvers the young man around when his vision becomes blurred, staring far too long as the gravestones.

Along the way, Yuzuriha and Arashi take their turn to speak with Kamui. They sit nearby, on the grassy field but give him room to breathe. Kamui was not one to desire too much attention, not in his current state.

Arashi waited, watching the couple with interest. There was so much love, affection in the way they gazed at one another, and cuddled so close. A part of her thinks something like this should provoke envy. After all, her own love story had come to a close so soon. But, instead, she felt a lightness loosening in her chest. There was something about the coup which brought out a sense of hope, amongst all tragedy.

Quietly, she spoke, locking eyes with her former leader. ''I'm sorry…" alongside 'I know this isn't an easy time for you…But… you aren't alone, we've all been connected over the past years, and I'm sure that won't change. If there's anything I can do to help this…you can let me know." The words finish a bit awkwardly, as the woman averts her gaze.

"I..appreciate that." Kamui nods to the former swordswoman. 'And I'm sorry I couldn't save him…' He resists the urge to squeeze above his chest if only to soothe the ache he got from seeing the young woman. As Kamui saw Arashi, he saw Sorata, and with that tremendous guilt.

As much as he wanted otherwise, Kamui couldn't bring himself to look at the young woman without feeling deep pain. Still, he wished her to find happiness, however that may be.

'If it were me… If I had lost Fuuma…if I didn't have Subaru beside me…' Kamui shakes his head, muttering a quick apology. He turns around, to feel swept up in a loving embrace. His slender hands grasp desperately at Subaru's coat lapels while burying his face in the center.

Just like this, safe in his sanctuary, Kamui allows himself to release these agonizing emotions, as they race down his cheeks.

Kamui's friends, or newly formed 'family', watch helplessly at the sight of their former leader Karen and Yuzuriha attempting to pat their friend's back, it could only do so much. They had to wait patiently and stay close as the young man would come again in his protective lover's arms.

The silence brought others more time to think, to overthink, and dwell on haunting memories of what happened just a year ago. When Kamui recovers to face them again, there's a collection of relieved breaths.

Finding strength in the support, Kamui rises to sit up more properly. Karen manages to give Kamui a small hug, before leaving him space to find solace.

Another flood of sorrow overtakes the young savior. Not a second longer, did Kamui promptly turn around and lunge himself into his boyfriend.

Subaru's only physical reaction was a slight wince. The older man felt himself falling back from the impact. There's a break in tension at the action. Kamui blushes bright red, ducking his head and whispering several apologies.

'You are incredibly strong…' Subaru thinks with fondness. I'm far too weak for you… He nearly laughed at the thought. Being practically tackled by his lover, still his thoughts were like this.

His friends laugh good-naturedly over the sweet scene. Even Kamui can't help but form a small little curl on his lips. The sight of his boyfriend sweetly peppering him with kisses on his temples and reassurances helped matters.

The floods, storms, and hurricanes of pain, agony, and tragedy were able to quell from what may seem to others to be a simple touch. Kamui couldn't deny the lighter feeling and warmth overtaking his senses, from such a tender, kind-hearted, and patient embrace.

"You two are cute~" Yuzuriha happily chirps. She remained quiet, alongside Arashi, letting the other friends talk with Kamui. Though now her soft brown eyes seem to sparkle at the scene. This was too precious to resist commenting on. She brings a hand to her lips, barely hiding her giggles.

Kamui groans a little at the attention. He hides his face by his boyfriend's neck. Gradually, though with shaky legs the boy begins to stand up. Subaru spots him with a supportive hand upon his lower back. There's a sense of strength simply being able to stand up again, while overcome with so many feelings.

"Thank you…you all came here a-and-" Kamui attempts to voice his gratitude, turning towards all his friends. He's cut off by the feeling of thin arms wrapped around his shoulders.

With a bit more strength and support around him, Kamui rises to his feet. He sees a blur of dark brown before he finds himself hugged tightly by the exuberant girl.

"Oh, Kamui…" Yuzuriha cries out, firmly keeping her friend close. Inuki follows his partner devotedly. Though this time the dog-spirit brushes up against Kamui's leg, comfortingly."We all love you very much, like family, you know that?" Her eyes hide within her friend's shoulder, tears slipping out. "If you need anything…" She sniffles, letting a few stray tears collapse.

"Family…" Kamui quietly says, hung up on the word. Hearing that aloud brought a weight lifted from his chest. Once again he was reminded he'd never have to be alone, nor feel those he cares for would perish to a cruel fate. "I…thank you, but the hug…" He squirms in the hold, and the tightening hug. "A little too tight," he mentioned.

The cheery brunette loosened her hold. She pulled away enough to utter a small "sorry" and laughed, before giving her precious friend his needed space. "I'm happy to see you, and everyone again…"

Her attention turns to Subaru, who remained ever loyal at Kamui's side. Wiping a few tears from under her eyes, she expresses. "Thank you for always taking care of Kamui."

"It's the least I could do after…" Subaru shakes his head a little. He closes the distance between himself and Kamui, hugging him tightly from behind. "No, that doesn't sound right…caring for Kamui, however I can, makes me incredibly happy."

'Saying things like that so openly…' Kamui turns around, face flustering to an even deeper red. As a habit with these kinds of things, he hides in his taller lover's form. If he had more strength, maybe he would try to say something or not…be so swept up by his emotions.

A strew of 'awws' from Karen and Yuzuriha alike only helps to amplify that flushing feeling. Though it brought out a lightness to the atmosphere, while embarrassing Kamui was full of love from his friends, and overflowing with the love his boyfriend brought out.

Everyone remained close and gave their regards to the belated siblings that held such a vital place in Kamui's heart. Even if one of them had been the cause of so much pain, the Earth's Kamui held a part of the boy's heart. Those precious to Kamui would be seen as who they were before... such madness of that fateful year.

The visit, while painful, became healing for the young savior. His friends gradually depart as the day begins to break into the afternoon.

"Director Imonoyama, set up, if you feel up to it, we would be happy to have you there!" Yuzuriha offers kindly, giving her friend another enthusiastic hug.

Subaru and Kamui look towards their friends and then back to one another. Kamui softly voices, "Thank you but I think I want to stay here for a little longer."

"Alright then," Karen responds and saunters over to the pair. She gives a quick hug to Subaru and then to Kamui. "You two have fun~with your alone time~" The woman adds with a wink, leaving both young men to redden. Still, there's a joy as they wave to their parting friends.

Quietly, Kamui sits closer to the grave markers. His fingers brush over the plethora of colorful petals both he and his loved ones prided themselves on for such a day. They linger, for moments…into hours.

"Do you feel ready to return home?" Subaru asks tenderly, there's an unconscious insistence to his tone. They had been out here nearly half of the day. His eyes shiver seeing Kamui's violet-blue orbs so watery and puffy.

"Mhm," Kamui confirms whisper-soft. One last lingering gaze falls over his belated friend's resting grounds before he comes back around.

"Let's go home," Kamui whispers, feeling a nostalgic sense as his legs become shaky. His precious person, placing an arm around his waist and under his knees, lifts him up. While certain with a little time Kamui could walk properly on his own, he found himself far too comfortable. They made it home in record time, ready to unwind at their home for the remainder of the year.

---

Comforting

Warm cups of cocoa and tea are being prepared. The cozy blankets. The television playing events of a New Year's festival. All of this made for a soothing end of the year. Something needed, as Kamui found himself drawn to lying back in bed as they returned, mind haunted by the events a year prior.

Resting for a while was understandable. As it started later and later into the evening, Subaru deemed it time to at least move to another room. He lifted Kamui down the stairs and plopped his tired beloved onto the couch.

Even their kitten seemed to sense something was wrong with Kamui today. She jumped on the couch, passing Subaru, and pawed her way to Kamui. The young man has cocooned himself with their comforter from upstairs, and the feline curled up right into his lap.

Subaru had gladly stepped up to handle everything. His cooking was not nearly as good as his lover's, but most of it didn't burn. Kamui's lips curled fondly, looking up at Subaru, sweetly, made him feel he had done something right.

"How are you feeling now?" Subaru asks, returning with two steaming mugs of cocoa. Kamui reached his arms up weakly, not to grab the offered drink as much as his beloved. Subaru felt too far away the past few moments.

Subaru softly chuckles at the gesture and takes a seat beside him. Kamui latches towards his side, startling the kitten in their lap who meows her discontent. The younger of the lovers couldn't help but seek out more and more intimacy. The couple shares a laugh.

Now that his beloved was satisfied, he handed. Kamui had a grasp on this. "Careful, it's pretty hot," he warns, curling a hand over Kamui's to ensure a steady grip.

Kamui frowns at this. "I can at least hold a cup by myself." While he means to seem more frustrated as his lover softly laughs, he can't help but to give in to his needs. Intimacy. The smaller boy falls to one side, landing flushed against his boyfriend. He nuzzles his head into the crook of Subaru's neck, breathing in a familiar scent.

The pair take a few sips of the calming drink in silence, the TV special being their background noise. A pop idol group was performing, as thousands of adoring fans surrounded their stage. Kamui couldn't pay much attention, his thoughts and memories racing.

"Subaru," Kamui calls tentatively, pressing his lips on the cup.

"Yes," Subaru returns softly, his lips brushed by Kamui's temples. His senses are filled with the warm sweet cocoa scent.

"I…just am glad you're here," Kamui professes, his eyes still a little shaky. 'If I were alone I…' It was not best to imagine. At the least, Kamui would find himself at Kotori's and Fuuma's resting place. His mind would torment him, remind him it was through his sword, Fuuma perished. Violet-blue eyes welling up with long-held emotion would certainly have lost his spark. He would be likely either, breaking down bawling his eyes out. Perhaps worse, no longer feeling at all.

"If I was alone I-" Shakily Kamui cries out such words.

"Please. I am here with you Kamui," Subaru assures, tightening the arm coiled around his distraught lover. Gold and emerald eyes shivered, seeing the shadows in beautiful eyes, and tears threatening to burst at any second. "I won't let you experience such loneliness…"

After a few quiet moments, Kamui finds himself staring mindlessly into his cup. He sees puffy eyes and a sniffling nose in the reflection. There just aren't the right words here.

'If I were stronger, I could have saved many others from loneliness….'

Countless tragedies…ones he couldn't stop. Perhaps, he wouldn't. Harming his twin star was akin to stabbing his heart directly. Killing Fuuma…That thought kept Kamui shaking, and trembling.

"K-Kamui?" Subaru worriedly called out to his boyfriend. Taking both of their cocoa mugs in hand he swiftly deposited them on the closest table.

"Kamui…" Subaru coos his name so tenderly. Acting on his heart's desires, he keeps Kamui as close as possible. Spreading out more on the couch, he lies back, taking his lover alongside him. With a shift in their positions, Kamui laid over him, pillowing his chest.

"Mrow~" A cry fell from the kitten's mouth as the warm lap she rested on began moving again. She moved over to a soft pillow cushion having fallen to the floor and bundled up. She curled up a bit sadly with a cry, looking up to see her owner…so crestfallen.

There was a soothing stillness within the home, as Kamui murmured a few words here and there about their day, their friends, CLAMP school, and his belated love. Subaru listened with patience and compassion. While not thrilled to hear his lover cry out another's name so longingly, he understood why.

"Is there anything I can do…to help you Kamui?" Subaru offers, brushing familiar shapes and patterns along his lover's back. The touch is soothing, warm, and….making Kamui feel beyond the pain.

'It has been a few days since we were intimate.' The loving act was healing as they connected so deeply, beyond what words could convey.

"You can…" Kamui's cheeks bloom cherry-red. He doesn't finish voicing the words, finding actions much easier. He falls into his instincts, seeking much more of that touch and comfort. His lips take over his lover's, pressing hard and desperately for that warmer, much more hopeful feeling to take over the agony he felt all day.

"K-Kamui?" Subaru stumbled, his hands gripping his lover's sides more firm. Just barely he kept his emotional beloved from grinding down on him hard. Kamui huffs not gaining access to deepen their kiss. "I don't think this is the best time now…"

"You don't want to?" Kamui's eyes narrow, lips curling into a melancholic frown.

"It's not like that," Subaru could not lie to himself nor his love over this. He nearly always felt ready to be with Kamui. "I just think you'd feel better doing something more calming…to let out how you're feeling, like resting or-. "

"I've done that all day!" Kamui cries out in protest. His eyebrows furrow at the growing frustration mentally and physically. The younger man pressed his lips in a 'calming' kiss, one chaste, sweet, and creating a longing for more. Kamui pulled away as his lover tried to reciprocate. "So it's not that you don't want to?"

"Well no…but-"

"Then-Please Subaru~!"

Kamui's lips suck on his neck, and persistent hands roamed all around him "I…I need to feel you…"

"Kamui…"Subaru is ashamed of his lack of discipline. He should simply say no and steer them away from this topic. "I don't want to take advantage when you're feeling like this…"

His lover was in an emotional state…and likely needed more rest and innocent kisses and being held

"You're not!" Kamui quickly protests. He huffs, sitting up more fully on their couch. "I want to. I'm sad but not so far gone… It's not like I am looking just for comfort, though I do feel better with you…I want to be with you, as your lover."

"You are…sure about this?" Subaru asked again, earning a very frustrated groan. "I…"

"We haven't been able to do so…for a few days." Kamui's doe eyes begin to sparkle, the cute expression already swaying his lover's heart. "We'd have…one more time before the New Year."

"I-" Subaru fails to find a reason to argue further. That does sound nice. He falters. "Maybe…but we need to go slow...at this." Kamui's beaming smile and glistening eyes sealed the deal even further. The younger lover sealed his lips shut before more protests and worries could come about.

Kamui kept enjoying himself, kissing all over his lover's neck. "Ah-hey!" He squeaks at the abrupt movement. Subaru sits up, bringing Kamui along with him. With this, his arms snake under the smaller male, scooping him up.

"If we're doing this…I should at least take you upstairs…"Subaru reddens, succumbing to his weakness. "You can be at least…more comfortable there."

Kamui smiles tenderly at the caring gesture. He places a reassuring kiss upon Subaru's cheek and wraps his arms snuggly around his neck. Subaru swiftly ascended the stairs, until they reached their destination.

Subaru deposited his lover promptly onto the bed. Kamui reaches for him, both arms out. His lover indulges if just momentarily, kneeling between his lover's legs and bringing them to a more passionate open kiss.

"Subaru?" Kamui calls, feeling their kisses slow to a stop.

"Let me care for you," Subaru offers sweetly, at the least not wanting his love to overwork himself. They would have time for that next year. The removal of clothes was slow, soft, and delicate, the opposite of their more passionate love-making sessions.

"Lie down," Subaru gently instructs his lover. He remained unaware of how deeply this kind of talk affected and aroused Kamui.

Kamui nods, shivering at the feeling of cool hands running all over him. Hands gently pulling off every layer of clothing felt like a tease. 'This is…kind of exciting… I need to feel even more… '

Their lips were connected, deep, slow, and entirely full of an unrushed passion. Kamui, while happy to be cared for, insistently tugged off some of his lover's clothes, tossing them to the floor.

Subaru places a deep kiss on Kamui's neck leaving a tiny love bite. He reaches into the bedside drawer for a small liquid bottle.

First, Subaru guides Kamui to roll a bit and lie on his side. "Just like this, okay?

Kamui being guided into a new position doesn't quite grasp what was being introduced. His words are fueled by hormones, he responds a little exasperated. "I…would like to do more than cuddle…"

"We will be," Subaru kissed him languidly, getting into bed behind his lover. He brought the necessary 'liquid' for preparing, lathering up his first finger and teasing the entrance. "So long as this is still something you are okay with…" Always, leaving that option out there.

"I…I do…It's just we've never…" Kamui comes to a realization. Doing it just like this.

"Then if it's alright I'll begin preparing you," Subaru breathed the words huskily into his lover's ear. Kamui found his hardness dripping painfully.

"Yes…" Kamui ensures his interest. "Ahnn… Subaru!" He cried at the feeling of the first digit sliding deep inside him, teasing his most sensitive spot.

"My sweet Kamui," Subaru brushes a hand down Kamui's cheek, feeling the soft lips. "Let me know if anything hurts."

Kamui does nod at this though well versed in taking his lover in. He can't help his impatience."Please?"

Subaru prepares his lover with a second finger, scissoring his lover to the point where he's writhing back into the touch.

"Oh my God!" Kamui nearly screams the words. He's helpless to feel the dual stimulation of a third finger, quite deep inside him from a new angle, and a hand circling his aroused dripping member.

Long sleek fingers begin to curl in beautifully, making the younger man cry out wildly.

"Ahnn" Kamui moans, escaping him, feeling that special spot inside. "Please… again?"

"Kamui…" Subaru calls his name again languidly and entirely smitten. "You're so beautiful like this.." Overwhelmed with pleasure. The older lover fulfills the request. He repeats the same motion, curling his fingers deep inside and pumping his lover from the front.

Your voice is… a lot to take in. Subaru knows he can only do this so long. His own neglected erection reacts wildly. Kamui's reactions to preparation alone were brutally effective.

So when Kamui eventually cries out, "Subaru! I need you!" So seductively, he finds a sweet sense of relief.

The older male lathers himself up, angling himself inside. He wraps an arm around Kamui's waist and he spoons him. A familiar position they'd been in countless times, only now adding more intimacy.

To ease into the intrusion, Subaru distracts Kamui with attention to his dripping cock… Though with ample preparation given, and perhaps the eagerness of this all, it slides in smoothly.

"It feels… so good like this…" Kamui admits between breathy moans and mewls. It's a more embarrassing position but good…though everything with Subaru would be perfect.

"You can start moving…" Kamui tells him. Subaru reels from the sensation he was let into heaven's gate. He begins to move, carefully, steadily, and gently. In and out, in then almost entirely out then slowly easing back in.

Subaru's lips soothe over his lover's neck and shoulders. Anywhere he could reach. The motions and rocking of their bodies were much more controlled than they had done before.

Connected beautifully and without a sense of hurry. They remained in a blissful rhythm, Kamui rocked back to feel even more.

"Subaru!" Kamui cries his name sharply, won over by the dual stimulation in his body. The slow yet firm thrusts inside keep him on edge…but it's not for long.

"Mn… Ahnn... Subaru!" Kamui calls for him.

"My Kamui," Subaru breathes his name, as he continues the slow and loving thrust seeming to only hit a little bit deeper every time.

Beautiful moans, cries, and loving words exchanged all of this made it indescribable. Their bodies rocked together smoothly, Kamui even moving back in sync eager to feel everything he could at the moment.

"Subaru I think I'm -"

"It's alright I am too… please come for me my Kamui~"

Only when they were approaching that blissful state of release did the pace pick up. Their needs are met as Subaru reaches around for Kamui's hand.

A vision of white takes over at the final thrusts. Kamui comes undone, calling his lover.

"My Subaru!" He cries out almost dreamily, the entire act so slow, seductive… and perfect between them. The ribbons of white release from Kamui and all over his lover's tender hand.

"Kamui!" Subaru mewls out just seconds before releasing warm and deep inside his lover.

"I love you…" Kamui was the first to come around, though his eyes were still foggy and desire fueled.

"I love you too, Kamui," Subaru returns with an equal amount of emotions. Already in the position, it's easy enough to indulge in the warmth, spooning and feeling every inch of each other connecting as one.

Their last intimate encounter for the year… they lingered on the thought, even falling asleep for a few hours.

Cleansing together, and gradually coming to relax, the pair decide on returning to their couch, watching the remaining half-hour, counting down on the TV.

There is one New Year's Eve tradition Kamui doesn't want to pass up for the world. He cuddles up sweetly, a little worn from earlier events.

Their last time of the year is preceded by a gentler first.

5…Kamui makes his way around to straddle his love's lap.

4…Subaru holds his lover's hips. Gold and emerald eyes shimmer equally curious and excited.

3… Kamui lets their noses brush.

2… Subaru and Kamui's eyes flutter closed.

1! The clock strikes midnight, Kamui wraps his arms around his boyfriend's neck and seals their lips languidly, happy to remain that way. Subaru's glossy eyes look ready to ravish his beloved.

"Happy New Year, Subaru." Kamui expresses, earning quite a few more 'first kisses' as a result.

The sound of fireworks in the background, couldn't be more perfect for the moment. Between kisses, Kamui breathes. "Our first kiss of the new year."

---

Anew

The first sunrise of a new year. First dream. First kiss. Even the First time of the New Year. There were countless firsts to begin. The latter certainly planned after another first.

Now their focus remained on the first shrine visit of the year. Several firsts waiting for the couple when they returned home.

Following tradition, the couple bundled up preparing for an outing to a local shrine. Kamui found himself considerably lighter than he had in days past. He happily held his lover's hand, walking and humming an upbeat melody.

"You seem to be in a good mood," Subaru tells his lover fondly.

"Mhm," Kamui's beaming smile makes his beloved pause, chest-pounding at the beautiful sight. "It's the first New Year where we're together…" He meekly explains, brushing a stray strand of hair behind his ear.

Though it doesn't go unnoticed. Subaru stops in his tracks, his chest tightening.

"Sub-" Kamui yelps.

They were barely outside of their home and already so caught up. Protective arms encircle the smaller male. With an addictive scent, warmth, and feeling Kamui falls helpless to a lover's embrace. His slender arms wrap around Subaru's neck and return the hold.

In each other's arms, it was all too easy to be caught up and…

"Just for a little while?" Kamui cheekily reads his boyfriend's mind, before his lie can part all the way.

Subaru flushes at this, closing lips together before admitting. "Yes…"

'Way too cute… ' Kamui ponders certain he would never get enough of this side of Subaru. The shorter male leans up on his tiptoes, body stealing and ravishing his lover's lips with as much passion as he can muster. Subaru's arms tighten around his waist, licking the eager lips and happily allowing Kamui to explore as they liked.

They had the entire day to themselves…and delays like this were more than welcome. An indulgent moment was necessary before they'd find themselves likely surrounded by others visiting the shrine.

Thankfully they seemed to pick one of the less populated shrines. The line they waited in was much more reasonable than expected. A relatively short wait before they go up to ring the bell, and give their prayers for the new year.

The lovers finally approach, seeing the dangling red and white rope. They rang the bell together, before taking out their offerings to place in the offering box.

The ritual is followed precisely, Subaru having grown up to learn these things as a young boy. Kamui held fond memories as a child ringing in the new year with his mother. The pair proceeds first with two bows, then two claps, and a final bow before their prayer.

They remained careful of their words. Wishes were a dangerous concept. Certainly, the past had taught them that much.

There was something lighter and more hopeful as they offered their prayers and wishes. Certainty flooded the pair of lovers for this deeply rooted desire.

The prayers given were held tight to their hearts. The pair moved towards a traditional temple-themed shop, to purchase wooden plaques. Desires and hope for the future were inscribed.

'I wish for Kamui to be happy… and more than anything I want to stay at his side, always.'

'I wish for Subaru to be happy, this year, many years to come. If possible… I want to be the cause of his happiness. '

Reading their favorite person's wish brought a further sense of connection. They hung the Ema up next to each other at the shrine, before heading off to avoid the crowds.

"You're everything to me," Subaru professes when they're far enough from the crowds. Unable to refrain anymore Kamui's lips are caressed, you wrote… of course… You're the cause of my happiness.."

"Good," Kamui replies gently, letting their lips meet a handful of times. "Because You're mine." They share a small laugh, helpless to fall into each other's eyes. Subaru rests his forehead on top of Kamui.

"Let's head home," Kamui suggests with a twinkle of something more suggestive.

They make it home in a record place. Lips clash and hands scramble all over each other. There's a wild sense of passion, Kamui gently pushing his lover to sit and straddling him.

"There's a word for this…" Kamui responds, eagerly grasping for his lover's shirt buttons.

"Oh?" Subaru remains just as transfixed on freeing his lover from his clothes.

"The first time… the new year." Kamui clarifies reddening at the admittance. "Being intimate."

"So what we're doing now…"

"I heard it in one of my classes… called… Hatsu… something."

"Something?" Subaru laughs entirely fondly, stripping his lover until he was completely bare.

"Well…I couldn't quite concentrate on everything…" Kamui shyly responds. My head was way too full of you… and reenacting such a tradition together.

Kamui finds a sense of connection and energy for the new year. "Let me take care of things. This time around." He offers to return the attention his lover gave him the night before.

Past heated kisses and loving preparation they finalize their connection. Kamui gradually positions his lover's erection at his entrance, slowly sinking into it. He seals his lips over Subaru's immediately, before taking in everything.

Violet-blue orbs fell into gold and emerald. The emotion of love, devotion, and an unbridled desire took over. As they lost themselves in their new favorite tradition for the New Year.

-End-

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A/N: I know it's been too long. I hope you all are well. I wanted to add a lot of emotions to this chapter.

A lot is going on and more mature/intimate scenes. Kamui is getting more and more comfortable being with Subaru and we will see more of that development in a later chapter.

Also, the "First time of the year" was something I read in the Junjou Romantica/Egoist chapter. The line - "the term for the first time of the new year is-" Unfortunately we never learned what exactly that would be. So inspired I added this little moment here. But there are a lot of first traditions for the New Year. There will be more firsts for Kamui and Subaru as well, so stay tuned~

This chapter is coming out close to White Day while the former was close to Valentine's Day so I seem to have a habit of posting around holidays~ I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I will see you for the next one/A Valentine's/Subaru's birthday theme and more~