MY FATE IS WRONG! as expected

by CacciaFulmini

7 Masters 9 Servant 2 Hachimans 1 Holy Grail and 3 Protagonists ready to fight for they dreams in a massive battle between ancient and nascent heroes the world has yet to see, Who's gonna win? the Loner, the Sword, the Homunculus or someone entirely different.[UBW storyline various elements from Kaleid & Apocripha Oregairu from vol 11]

15. The fearful

The Fearful

---

Wash your hands, brush your hair, clean your teeth, wash your hands, use the deodorant, wash your hands, apply a bit of makeup, wash your hands, wash your hands, you're so dirty wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands, WASH YOUR HANDS.

"Sakura"
A voice suddenly called me.

"Oh! Rider you gave me a heart attack!"
I said adding more soap to my hands.

I kept to rub them and rub them but no bubbles or foam came out. I stared at the water flowing in the sink, but instead of water, I could only see black mud coming out from there... It wasn't nothing unusual, my eyes playing games, it had happened forever, every once in awhile, I started hallucinating black mud coming out from somewhere. It wasn't a big deal I just had to rationalize what was happening and ignore it.

"Sakura the water is not flowing"
Said Rider still maintaining her voice quiet.

"Oh dear how silly"
I laughed opening the water.

Dammit, I let her see, rookie mistake!

"I must be excited to go out with sempai, he promised to cook anything I desire"
I smiled letting the tiny drops of light inside me outshine the darkness for a moment.

At this point I wasn't lying I was truly excited, and that's what made my act believable. Nothing I did say false, really, I was a terrible liar, but I had become especially adept in the art of omitting the truth, giving out only partial information and then let my interlocutor trick himself. How can I say... people created an image of me in their heads and I didn't do anything to go against it. I was an actor for an audience of one person at the time.

To my knowledge, the only two people that ever got past my play were, Sempai, Fujimura-sensei and... Hikigaya-sempai actually I wasn't sure about the latter. I just knew that whenever I got close to him all my senses screamed to run as if I was close to my natural predator. In general, I saw him under a positive light and didn't pay too much attention to what my head said because in all honesty everything was quite screwed up there. But after he got away from Rider in a mysterious way, I was starting to believe my guts had a foundation.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come?"
Rider asked.

Gosh, she was really a worried heart servant, I decided to ignore her for a moment while I gave one last check to my appearance.

Yup, I was hot AF, or whatever that meant, hair brushed, sweet expression under control, breast well displayed, and my new white dress; yeah I was perfect no slut would have tried to approach Sempai if I psychologically destroyed them just by asserting dominance with my presence.

"I'm sure, besides Hikigaya-sempai saw you and even if we don't understand what happened yesterday, we have confirmed he is pretty good at perceiving presences. It would be a problem if he detected you right when I'm close, plus brother might need you"
I replied finishing to wear my shoes.

A faint tremble shocked my hand as I reached the doorknob of that house sied torture chamber. I always wanted to leave that place and never return... or go on rampage and level everything to the ground. But I guess dreams can't become true that easily or without dragging along other consequences.

"Now out the negativity"
I thought, opening the tiny cage inside my heart.

"I'm going to stuff my belly and have a great time"

As I muttered that phrase, the memories I treasured the most popped out my chest pushing inside their cage all the hate I had inside me.

"See you Rider, don't let Brother in my room"
I beamed a smile and turned towards my little corner of heaven.

I barely managed to walk a couple of meters before starting to run, and the funniest thing was that I barely even noticed, I wanted to see someone, I wanted to look at him with my eyes... even though no light reflected in them. Somehow they always showed what I caged inside would that be light... or darkness.

---

In less than twenty minutes of running, I reached my corner of heaven and... it was trashed. Sempai's house was a Mess with the capital M.
My first thought as I got through the open door was: "burglars" then I heard a groan outside and my mind shifted to "Sexually aggressive burglars" and eventually I moved onto "I NEED A GODDAMN KNIFE!"

An object that oddly enough I found soon after stuck in the ceiling of Sempai's kitchen. It was obviously too high to reach comfortably, however, the options were only two: seize that knife or use a kitchen one.

*Exhale
I would have never, ever, dared to touch one of Sempai's kitchen tools, I had seen him angry ONCE and wasn't eager to see him in that condition ever again. Looking at a good-natured person like him go berserk was utterly terrifying so I gladly set for the black ominous dagger.

"1, 2, 3!"
I jumped totally missing the handle.

Damn if only I had been a bit taller, or had higher heeled shoes... Nah they wouldn't be good for jumping... but still, I wanted a pair!

"Dammit Sakura focus"
I told myself looking at the barely out of reach knife.

Ugh, I had chosen the worst day ever to go out without a bra. Yeah great move me, really nice, assert dominance! Destroy your chest. Geez, I was torn to shreds just to jump.

"Finally"
I gasped catching my breath.

The black blade was finally in my hand, not sure how to hold it, I just grasped it firmly with both hands and stretched my arms forward. At least the blade remained straight.

The feeling in my hand was comfortable, familiar almost.

"I'm coming, Sempai"
I muttered to build up my confidence more than anything else.

Walking slowly in the house I saw traces of blood everywhere and weird pieces of metal scattered all over the place. I could hear pained groans coming from outside. Slightly biting my tongue to remain focus, I followed the noises while all the walls around me turned into mud.

"Great I'm sure I needed this too"
I thought kicking open the backyard door as people do in action movies.

I jumped outside ready for... ready for... I'm not exactly sure, the sexually aggressive bulgar thing had stopped making sense a while ago, but I was in character so I just went with the flow. In for a penny in for a pound, I guess.

Still what I found outside was beyond my imaginative power. The backyard looked like a military track filed and in the middle of it, there was...
"Oh God is that a cannon?"
All my attention was stolen by that enormous lump of metal.

Until.
*CLING

The tingling of a chain brought me back into the real world.

"Emiya, which part of: "Do a cartwheel as God demands" is not clear? Keep those legs straight"
Cried Hikigaya-sempai whipping a chain in Sempai's direction.

"I'm trying!"
"Try not, do or do not, there is no try"
"I don't think it's the right time for a referenceeeeeeeeeeehhhh"
The chain wrapped around Sempai's leg and before he could do anything he got thrown in my direction.

Sempai crushed in the ground rolling in the dirt and raising a cloud of dust until he reached my side.

"Oh hey, Sakura,"
He coughed noticing my presence.
"I expected you in thirty minutes, did you just arrive?"
He was visibly embarrassed

It was almost amazing how he was trying to play it cool when he was all bruised, covered in dust and so sweaty I could see through his shirt...damn, that was hot.

A part of my brain suddenly started to scream "Take him here and now!"... but that would have been problematic, to say the least, so in a pitiful act to convert my libido in embarrassment I started to fidget and asked.
"S-Sempai what's happening?"

And I actually I wouldn't have minded an actual answer, because first I had zero clues of what was going on and second I still had to distract myself from my lower regions.

"I need a serious turn-off"
I thought while cold sweat was forming on my back.

Luckily just by looking around a little, I managed to meet the dead and creepy stare of Hikigaya-sempai. Sorry Hikigaya-sempai, I'm really sorry. And sealed back my hormones.

"Yo Matou, Emiya wanted to know how Russian gymnasts train so I was helping him out." If he STOOD THE FUCK UP NOW!"

"Fine dammit!"
Groaned Sempai forcing his body up.
"Also he is lying, Fuyuki has gotten dangerous these days, he wanted me to know a few tricks"
He grinned beaming his perfect white teeth before a crowbar hit his nape.
"UGH!"

"Never said that. Never done that. Get back to work. Saber, bring me the tennis balls."
Grunted Hikigaya-sempai using the same expression I'd use if I had just stepped on a bug.

Suddenly a beautiful blonde girl came out from the tool-shed with a basket full of tennis balls and a blue popsicle in her teeth. She was mesmerizing like a perfectly honed blade, her eyes were emerald, and she was wearing a brand new white blouse, a blue skirt, and black leggings. I had seen such a natural beauty only once before, I immediately knew she was like Rider... she was a servant... a thing that should have already been obvious by the moment she got called Saber, but that's a minor detail.
What was a major detail instead were her hips! How could she have such fine hips!? I was proud of my hourglass figure, but any excessive fat always went straight to the hips! Dear if I wasn't careful about calories I wouldn't imagine what could happen. And for sure those thin well-shaped hips weren't legal! I mean this Saber girl was almost flat so my body fat was doing something useful, STILL judging from her legs she must have had a tight BUTT! a piece of incredibly terrible news considering Sempai... was an ASS person!

My grip on the knife started to tremble.

"Okay Emiya dodge everything ad remember the moves I showed you"
Said Hikigaya-sempai grabbing the crowbar he previously threw like a baseball bat.

His legs looked a bit unsteady as if he was struggling to stay up.
"Okay I'm going to add three balls every five seconds and you don't want to get hit"
He sighed taking a couple of balls from the basket.

"Why? Should I worry?"
Asked Sempai raising an eyebrow.
"If you do everything I say. Nah. Otherwise... I'm going to have fun"
"Oh, Jesus."

"Okay, 3,2,1 GO!"
Screamed Hikigaya-sempai sending the first row of balls against Sempai.

With my eyes, I could barely follow the yellow lines as they bounded everywhere. Sempai, on the other hand, seemed to be able to, he evaded all the balls by a great margin dancing without effort in that yellow maze.

"Right, left, down, jump"
I muttered slowly getting used to the moving objects.

"Wait how come that those tennis balls still move so fast"
I whispered as Hikigaya-sempai added more and more balls before even the first ones had slowed down one bit.

"Oh he made me fill them with Hydrogen"
Said the blonde girl Saber, after having materialized at my side.

"AH!"
I cried in surprise.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry, how rude of me, I didn't want to scare you"
She replied politely slightly bowing.
"No, no, it's not your fault, I'm usually the one that appears out of nowhere. Sorry, what did you said about the balls?"
I asked after having calmed down.

"I filled them with a gas named Hydrogen"
"Yeah, I know what Hydrogen is, I was more curious about how and why?"
"I'm not sure. A delivery man showed up with a pretty big cylinder of gas, then Hachiman told me to fill with said gas the tennis balls, and that it would have been useful for Shiro"
"You're on First-name basis!"
"...yes"
"I see...YOU CAN DO IT SHIRO-SEMPAI"
I suddenly shouted for an imprecise reason.

Probably I felt jealous, but the whole sentence bubbled out of me so quickly I didn't really have time to think about it.
Hearing my words Sempai, pretty much at his limit, blushed intensely getting almost hit by a ball in the face.

"AH?! Since when it was that easy to get a reaction?"
I thought pretty astonished, usually, I had to be much bolder to make him that flustered.

(Maybe I should have realized that part of his blush was caused by intense physical activity, but still, I'm a maiden in love okay!?)

"Sakura toss me the dagger!"
Suddenly shouted Sempai staring at me with such intensity I started to feel warm inside.

"EH, Ehmp Yes!"
I stuttered throwing him the weapon in a clumsy fashion.

Miraculously he managed to catch it, even though he was surrounded by a swam of tennis balls. Suddenly all his movements became sharper. If a couple of seconds ago he was barely holding up now Sempai had switched into a new gear.

"Yeah!"
I smiled overjoyed by how cool he looked, jumping a little.

Did his eyes move on my giggling chest? Yes, nice Sakura!

"WAH!"
With one war cry and a long blackish arc, Sempai cut down three tennis balls.

That...exploded immediately after.
*BOOM!

Sempai got suddenly shot back slamming against other tennis balls, that exploded in a chain reaction, making him bounce around like the marble of a pinball machine.
"AAAAHHHHHH!"
He cried while Hikigaya-sempai started to laugh like a villain.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA I TOLD YOU JUST TO DODGE AHAHAHAHAH!

For a moment the level of craziness of what I was looking, made my mind go blanc. Was I really awake, wasn't this some kind of fucked up dream?

"I'm Saber by the way"
Said the blond servant beside me a face shocked as much as mine.

"Sakura pleased to meet you"
I shook her hand without breaking visual contact from the explosions in front of me.

"Want a popsicle?"
She asked remaining focused on Sempai.

"Don't mind if I do...Mmmh Orange"
*SLUUUURRRRPP.

This was going to be a long day.

---

"Ahi!"

"Sempai remain still"

After the torture, I mean training session, concluded Saber dragged a completely passed out Sempai in the living room, while Hikigaya-sempai limped inside using his crowbar as a cane.

A bit too focused on my popsicle I spent a couple of minutes to metabolize what just happened... then after I bit the wood stick, I accepted this wasn't some kind of delusion and went to fetch the first aid kit.

"Ouch!"

"And there it goes the last splinter"
I said staring at Sempai's bruised face.

We were currently cross seated on the floor of the living disinfect all wounds, however, every cut appeared less serious than I originally thought. Sempai was still filled by plasters and bandages across his whole face, but when the explosion finished he looked much worse... it was like he had healed in a matter of minutes.

"Sempai what's on your arms?"
I asked catching a glimpse of several long scars, he didn't have yesterday... they looked almost like words.

With a defensive motion, he tugged his forearms away from me.
"It's nothing"
He replied using a smile I was used to performing.

The "I don't want to bother you" smile. I had never seen that expression on him... he never tried to hide this kind of stuff for me... and for a second... I- I trembled.
It felt weird, sad, vexing and I actually thought the Sempai I loved dearly was slipping away from me.

All bruised and bandaged he looked a bit like a thug of some manga, but his golden eyes remained as kind as usual.
"... I mean it isn't nothing, but, I'll figure out what to do on my own... Thanks for worrying Sakura"
Thank God he wasn't changing, or at least not so fast.

"Don't worry, I'm always here when you need me"

Okay, it was really corny, but it was true, Semapi always trying to hold the world in his hands, he could have used some help...or at least asked it.

"Oh, how cute now kiss"
Groaned Hikigaya-sempai drawing a stickman on the black-board.

"Ah ah ah. Very funny Hikicreepygaya"
Scoffed Sempai blowing away from his forehead some hairs.

"Yeah I'm a true comedian, but Matou-chan didn't seem against the idea"
He replied with a smug.

"Hi-Hikigaya-sempai what are you saying?"
I stuttered caught aback by his proactivity.

Hikigaya-sempai had probably realized my love for Sempai quickly but had assumed an uninterest/bashful attitude about it. He probably just found pitiful my attempts to get Sempai's attention and painful the unawareness of Shiro.
But somehow something was different today.

"Hachiman please don't joke about a maiden's heart"
Said Saber with a serious voice.

Unfortunately, her cheeks were filled by popsicles so her expression wasn't very believable...
"Cute actually, like a squirrel"
I thought while letting out an amused sigh.

"You mean Matou's or yours?"
Hikigaya-sempai asked with an expression of false innocence.

OH, so that was his game.

Saber got rapidly flustered and almost chocked on her popsicles while I closed my fist until the knuckles got white.

"Would you please stop teasing them"
Asked Sempai sighing deeply.

"Hey, I already have to be the useless male character in a harem story, let me have my fun..."
Hikigaya puffed his cheeks.

It was a pretty disgusting sight, if he was trying to appear cute it wasn't working.

"CHANGING TOPIC! Shall we have lunch!"
I said before the conversation made me snap.

Was the Saber servant crushing on my MAN!? I truly hoped not... for her SAKE! No that's not true she was cute and seemed kind I didn't want her as a challenger...
"MOU WHY EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS A MESS IN MY LIFE"
I mentally shouted launching my head back.

Sadly I exaggerated with the emphasis on my movement and lost my balance. My back fell down like a sinking ship. Fortunately, before I shamefully hit the floor Sempai blocked my fall with his chest and my head ended up in his lap.
"...Hi"
I smiled while all my blood rushed to my face.

WHY WAS I ALWAYS THIS CLUMSY.

To hide my face I moved my hands up, it was childish... but if I couldn't see him he couldn't see me.

"Sakura-san"
Said Sempai knocking on my hands.
"Please. Open. Up"

Oh God, he was even going on rhythm.

"No, Sakura-san is not at home"

What the fuck was I saying!

"Then who's inside?"
He asked, definitely making fun of me.

Damn half of my bodily blood flowed in my face only.

"Nobody"
I muttered unable to do anything else.

"Hello Ulysses-san"

AH! Unfair retort! I thought I was going to buy more time with the nobody thing! I needed a diversion something to escape the embarrassment.

Oddly enough my desire was granted.

"CAN YOU PLEASE STOP THIS DIABETIC SCENE! I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO IGNORE MY LACK OF A GIRLFRIEND FOR ONE GODDAMN MINUTE!"

Thanks, Hikigaya-sempai.

---

"So... who's up for some junk food?"
Asked, my unlikely savior after gulping down half-dozen of pills like they were candies.

Was he okay? I saw him limp today but, I couldn't understand how serious was the situation, he looked horrible at first sight, but that was his usual look, so it was impossible to know if he was sick or something.

"Hell no, stop proposing unhealthy ideas"
Rebooked Sempai.

"Come on with all the shit that happened yesterday I didn't get my fried recharge, plus Saber told me you two got a burger this morning. Heavy snacks outside meals... not so healthy Emiya."

"First don't be a child, and second I don't see why I should replicate."

"BECAUSE I'M ASKING GENTLY INSTEAD OF BEATING YOUR ASS UNCONSCIOUS AND DRAGGING TO THE CLOSER MC"

"YOU CAN BARELY WALK DON'T OVERSTRAIN YOURSELF"

"THANKS, I APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN, BUT I APPRECIATE EVEN MORE A THOUSAND NUGGETS"

"THEN WHY DON'T WE LET THE GIRLS DECIDE?!"

"FINE BY ME!"

Concluding their particularly intense discussion Hikigaya-sempai and Sempai turned to watch Saber and me. Their eyes were burning through us. We exchanged glares in a confused fashion before answering as we desired.

"I wouldn't mind trying those fried treats"
"I'd prefer cooking something here and maybe heading outside just for an ice-cream or another dessert.

We had reached an impasse...

And for a moment my sempais exchanged glares trying to figure out what to do.
"Who-wants-to-go-out-says-what"
"Who-wants-to-stay-here-says-what"

"What?"
"What?"

"Fuck"
"Fuck"

And then it occurred to me... they were dumb people. Watched alone both Hikigaya-sempai and Sempai looked like serious people but put together... They just brought out the ignorance from each other.

"Why don't we settle it with a game then?"
Sighed Sempai passing a hand through his ginger hair.

"Sempai... except chess you're terrible at games"
I muttered taken aback by his proposal.

He was shooting himself in the foot with this idea, and I couldn't help but wonder what was he thinking until he smiled at me and said.
"Don't worry it's going to be okay"

God, he was so cute when he was up to something.

---

Two minutes later the four of us were seated in a circle with a bunch of cards in our hands.
"Everybody knows how to play the old maid, the first couple that wins decide where to go"
Said Sempai sat right in front of me.

"Okay, I just hope you'll lose quickly I'm hungry"
Proclaimed Hikigaya-sempai on my left assuming his poker face.

No emotions could be seen through his expression, he seemed more like a piece of stone than a person.

"So does who start?"
Asked Saber barely moving her mouth.

Wow, she was pretty serious, using a stoic front like that.

"I'd say Sakura starts and then we go counter-clockwise"
Said sempai in a relaxed fashion.

"Okay, 3, 2, 1. Go Matou!"

Following Hikigaya-sempai's order, I immediately raised my hand and moved it upon his cards. My violet eyes chained in his gray ones trying to grasp any kind of emotion, however, nothing. His face didn't betray a single feeling...except for a tiny flash of pain immediately after I stared at him, but I guessed it was unrelated to the game.

When I had almost decided to just choose a random card, I saw with the tail of the eye Sempai pocking his forehead. I raised my stare a little and found a funny thing: Hikigaya-sempai's ahoge.

That weird straight hair-lock above his head was...moving. I didn't know how, I didn't know why, but it was moving like the tail of a dog and every time my hand passed upon a certain it would raise up.

Out of curiosity, I picked up said card and as I suspected it was the old maid.

"This game is going to be more amusing than I thought"
I said to myself turning towards Saber as I realized she had a living ahoge too.

It took me a few turns of studying but soon enough I managed to understand how to push Saber in the direction I wanted and read through Hikigaya-sempai.

I was the first to win, followed by a pretty upset Saber. It was hilarious how her serious facade had begun to crumble the moment Sempai methodically avoided the old maid she was holding. She just won because Sempai couldn't deal with her pout anymore.
Leaving the final showdown just between the two boys.

"It's you and me Emiya, do you think you're going to win, or it will end up like you theatrical improv?"
"I thought we had agreed it never happened"
"...Oh right"
"Also, I win"
Grinned Sempai discarding his last two cards.

Hikigaya-sempai's eyes went up and down for a couple of times, then he threw away the last card he had and whispered.
"I hate you"

"You're welcome!"

"Wait what? It doesn't make sens-"

"SAKURA let's get to cook! I feel creative!"

And as Sempai said so I got dragged in the kitchen. He was touching me kyaaaaaaaaaaa.

---

Funny thing... I had not noticed before, but the kitchen, the most sacred room of this house was a mess.

My body was shivering. Sempai was standing still and I knew it was a matter of seconds before he grabbed the first sharp object and turned into a murder machine.

I could see it in his golden eyes, the flames of war were about to lit.
"Hmmm we should clean up first"

"Kyaaaa nooo. Oh, you're actually acting reasonably"
I gasped surprised by his odd calm.

"What's that supposed to mean"
"Nothing Sempai... I expected you to me more... angry? I guess"
"No, no, I already steamed out after punching Hikigaya in the face"
"That's why he had a black eye!"
"We had a... ehm manly disagreement"

Did his voice just got deeper when he said "manly"?

"What kind of disagreement?"
I asked pushing my chest up a little.

"Uh-ah"
Sempai began to fidget.
"A very manly one"

Really? That's how far your creativity goes Sempai?

"Boobs vs Ass, Matou! Men of culture have to discuss like men of culture. And I wasn't to let this man insult the holiness of ASS!"
Screamed Hikigaya-sempai with his off-putting voice.

Suddenly I felt my face being set aflame, how could someone scream those words loud!? I immediately lowered my stare and muttered something along the lines of "Oh I see", but then it struck me... Sempai was an ass person.
They were hiding something!

"No shit girl, there is a servant in this house, Shiro is a Master and Hikigaya-sempai encountered Rider so he knows about the war at this point. The only answer is that they got into a fight."
I told myself helping Sempai to throw in the can trash a bunch rags dirty of blood.

Were they even trying to hide what happened at this point? The Boobs vs Ass excuse wasn't enough to justify this much destruction. Ah, I didn't want to think about this stuff! I just wanted to stay with Sempai a little.

I forced myself to cast away negative thoughts and focused only on the simple actions of cutting the vegetables, heating up the oven, setting the table and nothing more.

Manual work kept my mind off from anything else and probably that was one of the major reasons I enjoyed cooking with Sempai so much. We got transported in a world that existed only for us free from worries.

"Then when I'm so close I can see his abs under the shirt and that's indeed a plus"
I thought before an explosion resounded in the house.

BOOOOMMM

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!"
I yelped jumping.
"Ignore it, is probably just Hikigaya"

"I'm fine! Saber grab a mop, please"

"See, told you"
Replied Sempai without even flinching.

...Was this a common occurrence nowadays!

"Sempai... can you please add details what's Hikigaya-sempai doing?"
I asked throwing suspicious stares around.

"I'm not sure, maybe he is working on the cannon outside"

WHY WAS HE SO CALM, I mean He looked cool, but THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

"And you don't find it weird! No more importantly the thing outside is seriously a cannon I believed you had just thrown out all the garbage out from the shed!?"
I gasped as too much information had started to fill my head.

"I mean usually yes, I'd find it weird, but in the Hikigaya weirdness scale it's a 6 or a 5 out of 10, And please there was never garbage in my shed... just nonutilized materials."

"That came out form the garbage"

"Always ready to put the point on the i"
Smiled Sempai putting a bit of flour on my nose with his finger.

Needless to say, I immediately blushed and started to softly punch him. I wasn't sure what was I trying to achieve exactly, probably, I wanted to show my adorable side because I was intimidated by Saber's presence.

Even though a part of me suggested a bolder approach... namely "Stick your tongue in his throat and see what happens" Unfortunately while cooking I had tried all sorts of ingredients, so I was pretty conscious of my breath.

"If only I could brush my teeth real quick"
I whispered catching the dreamy sight of a fully concentrated Shiro Emiya.

I loved that stare...

"AHHH! DAMN THIS ISN'T THE TIME TO GET WORKED UP OVER NOTHING IT WAS TIME FOR A POWER MOVE!"
I mentally screamed unable to metabolize the idea someone was trying to steal my MAN!

There was no choice I had to use the plan.

---

"Finally get Sempai"
Plan activation.

Step one strategic retreat.

"Sempai, I'll leave you for a moment, I need the bathroom"

Step two oral sanitization.

Coming out from the kitchen I quickly moved towards the bathroom, I was tense, my heath was beating like crazy plus the weird sounds coming from outside weren't exactly helping eighter. What was Hikigaya-sempai doing by the way?

"MORE HEAT SABER USE THIS FORGE AS IT WAS MEANT TO BE USED!"

"Nope, nope, nope, not my business, not now nor ever"
I told myself searching for a secret case I hid in Sempai's bathroom just in case.

It was a tiny black duty case I had found in a second-hand shop, it was a bit old and too tiny to be actually useful, but it fit a toothbrush and a condom perfectly.

What? Too straightforward? Nah when the moment arrived, and believe me it WILL ARRIVE, I wasn't going to do the bases detour. It was a home run or nothing.

"But today I'll need just the toothbrush."
I whispered while washing my hands.

Step three suppression of any interference.

If my life had taught me something was that my luck was terrible, so I needed to be ready in case an unexpected factor showed up.

First I rigorously cleaned my face from the toothpaste, to avoid any bullshit scene as it had happened a couple of days ago, Sempai that got closer to my face just to clean me with a napkin. No sir I wasn't going to be clean-zonated another goddamn time.
Second I grabbed a brush ready to stun the first person that arrived out of nowhere. Currently, there were two possible targets, Hikigaya-sempai and Saber, they were both outside, but there was no telling about when they'd decide to come back inside. So being as sneaky as I could, I locked the door of the backyard while catching the sight of Saber and Hikigaya-sempai hammering a red hot piece of metal.

It was one of the weirdest visions I ever witnessed, they were both wearing sunglasses and their expression remained emotionless as they hit the metal following the rhythm of some English song.

"Okay..."
I muttered moving away, it was too much stuff to metabolize at once.

Fine, I was ready 10 meters from the objective, I didn't care about the consequences at this point, I had an objective and I wasn't going to back down, I still had my brush in case Fujimura-sensei had arrived to steal lunch, none was going to stop me now.

9 meters.

8 meters.

*Squuen
The frontal door began to open.

"Fucking called it!"
I mentally screamed.

"Hey I'm coming in"

"SURYAAAAAA!"
Using all my strength I threw the brush towards the door... ignoring a detail.

It wasn't Fujimura-sensei's voice that I heard.

"Uhm?"
Grunted a tall tanned man blocking with one hand the brush.
"That was dangerous"

"Oh my God! I'm sorry are you okay?"
I asked rushing towards the stranger.

Damn! What was I thinking?! I couldn't just start throwing stuff at innocent people just because Sempai was dense.

"Oh dear, oh dear I'm so sorry"
I said bowing a dozen times.

Why I always passed from docile to commando without in-between. Thinking twice this whole plan was a terrible idea! Just one kiss would have sent my urges out of control, AHHH I was DUMB!

"Sorry REEEEAAALLLY sorry sir"

"No, no problem Sa- young lady no harm was done"
Said the stranger putting a hand on my shoulder.

His grip was firm but soft, and it felt almost... familiar. I rose my stare to look his face and, wow, just wow he was handsome, like a movie star, his hair was silver and from the simple white shirt and black jacket, he was wearing I could grasp a steaming hot physique.

I'd say I lost my breath looking at him, but that wouldn't be true I directly choked on my saliva.
"UGHR"

"Oh God, what's happening?"
The stranger Asked while I began couching and searching for air.

And in the midtime Sempai arrived... yeah
"Archer is that you?"

ARCHER!?

I choked again.

"What the hell did you do?"
Cried Sempai dashing at my side.

"Nothing, I don't know. Ahh! She is choking!"

"I can see that! Bring me a glass of water! And ugh I don't know"

"Do the Heimlich maneuver!"

"I don't know how it's done!"

"Neither do I"

"Gosh these two are panicking more than me"
I thought, looking at the two guys arguing beside me.

Still, if this had been a real emergency? Would have I died? Seeing their horrible teamwork probably yes.

"Mouth to mouth"
Proposed Archer the moment I had collapsed on the floor.

At this point, I had only continued to cough to see at which point they would have arrived, but after Archer's idea, I choked for the third time.

Mouth to mouth? All this time and I just needed to choke?

"Isn't that a bit?"
Fidgeted Sempai... seriously? I was dying here you know?

"Shiro Emiya or you do it or I'm doing it"

"Get out you pedo, I'm doing it"

Yes!

"What the fuck is going on here!"
Hikigaya-sempai arrived too.

NO!

How did he get inside?

"Ah one thing Emiya, Saber broke the hammer and a part broke a window"

Oh...

"So what's happening?"
He asked moving closer to Archer and Sempai.

"Sakura is choking!"
"Sakura is choking!"
They both snapped pointing at me.

"God you two are useless"
He said kneeling beside me.

No, he was getting closer, no, no, no.

*Slap, slap.
"Get a grip woman!"

Eventually, I stopped coughing.

---

"You're unbelievable"
Sighed Sempai offering me some home-made cookies.

"At least I was useful"
Replied Hikigaya-sempai moving closer to me the straw of a cool drink.

"Why am I stuck into this situation too?"
Asked Archer massaging my feet.

"Because the original fault was yours!"
"Because the original fault was yours!"

Confused? Yeah me too.

After I got slapped back in the world of the living by Hikigaya-sempai, Sempai made of his personal mission to pamper me for what happened and recruited Archer and Hikigaya-sempai.

Before I knew what was going on I ended up on the sofa getting spoiled by three muscular guys. Not my fetish but definitely something quite... interesting.

"God Archer had strong hands"
I thought has pleasing pressures spread across my feet.

"Also why are you here Chocolate?"
Asked Hikigaya definitely the most annoyed of the bunch.

"Stop calling me that! Creep"
Groaned the servant.

"Why? Is that much of a problem, Chocolate?"

"Vanilla please I'm talking with Creep here"

"HEY ICE-CREAM DUO! I claim author rights stop stealing my ideas"

"Sure... To answerer your question, Rin lost a jewel here she sent me to retrieve it"
Explained Archer stopping to massage me.

"Nee-san?"
I thought freezing up.

Responding to my uneasiness a wave of mud appeared and filled my eyes, the voices of those around me got confused and almost inaudible. I saw images of a far past, light-hearted days, happy moments.

A soft voice spoke.
"Sakura come to play"

Nee-san.

"This is a special ribbon, I made just for you"

Nee-san.

Why did you abandon me?

...

...

"No reason, truly"
Said a voice I didn't recognize.

What who was talking?

"Ah, I'm just a nobody, I've been at your side for quite a while though"
He said.

Yes, he, he was a man and... I had met him? No that wasn't right, It was almost like the cold feeling I felt from his voice was something I got used to.
A shadow that had followed me for years now.

"Who are you?"
Flashes of the Makiri family crypt ran across my mind as I questioned the man of darkness.

"Didn't I already answered this question child? I'm just a nobody, but to return to your previous doubt, why you got abandoned, well there is no reason. Your sister never thought you'd be tortured like that and so she never questioned your well-being, which is even sadder in my opinion. You simply weren't worthy of her attention, not then not now. Look at yourself you're not even a proper Magus, why would she try to approach you, even as a Master you remain nothing more than a shadow."

"...shut up"

"What? I couldn't hear you, and that's weird because we're in your head so you're willingly deciding to not be heard. Pathetic don't you think so"

"SILENCE!"

"We're making progress, good. Have a cookie"
Said the voice while the taste of cookies filled my mouth.

How?

"You were eating cookies dah? I just switched on your sense of taste again"

"What do you want from me?"

"From you? Mmhh nothing actually, but you're going to need me soon. I just found the occasion today to come and greet you, usually, my connection with you is too weak, but a certain friend of mine is close to you so I actually managed to manifest. Bye-bye"

---

"STOP!"

"What too hard on the feet?"
Asked Archer as I came back from my trance.

"...no, I mean Yes! It was definitely what was I talking about"
I replied almost dying from embarrassment.

How did I end up in this situation! There was no way the situation could sink any lower.

"Shiroooo I'm joining for lunch!"

Of fucking course Fujimura-sensei.

How was anyone in the world going to explain what was happening to that over joyful teacher? The house was still trashed and for what I knew Saber materialized just yesterday... plus there was a tall tanned man massaging my feet... ehm no. He had frozen into place.

"Archer-san snap out of it"
I whispered trying to free one foot from his grip.

UHHHH, I could hear Fujimura-sensei getting closer.

"Fuji-nee?"
"Good morning Shiro! Why are you on the floor?"

Right. Now that I thought about it since I woke up none of my sempais was in the room.

"We're searching for a potential bomb Fujimura-sensei"
"Uh! Hello to you too Hikigaya, didn't see you under the table... WAIT BOMB!? NO EVEN MORE IMPORTANT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE!"
"Slap, punch, punch, lack of sleep"
"Did you two got into a fight?"

"Yes"
"No"

"Shiro don't lie to me"

"Yes we got into a fight, sorry"
"And what kind of fight exactly"
"Ehm...Fuji-nee ehm... Boos vs Ass"
"WHAT?!"
"Bo-"
"I heard it's just that, that... I had the doubt you two were gay"

"WHAT?"
"WHAT?"
"WHAT?"
Cried at the same time Sempai, Hikigaya and I.

"Oh Sakura-chan is here"

OH GOD, SHE WAS COMING IN! With one last pull, I managed to free my feet and make myself presentable before the sliding door opened and the lively woman arrived.

"SA-KU-RA-CHAN HOW ARE YOUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuu... ah Sakura-chan... who's that yummy, EHM attractive fella behind you"

Yummy?

"Shiro, what's happening?"
And now even Saber was present. Horray!

I got a headache only thinking about what could happen next.

"And now who are you? SHIRO AN EXPLANATION PLEASE!"

Today was going to be very tiring.

---

Have you ever desired a magical blackboard that appeared as soon as you needed it? Yeah me neither, but somehow Sempai had one, an entire blackboard hid under the tatami of the dining room, that just popped out the moment he stomped in a specific place.

There were a bunch of random sentences written on it.
Shiro-fucking-Emiya-the-king-of-chess. Hachiman's rules. Dumb who reads. And others I'm less comfortable narrating along with a dozen of tic-tac-toe grids and the victory-loss chart of the chess matches between Hikigaya-sempai and Sempai.

"Ehm, Fuji-nee you see."
Began Sempai canceling everything on the blackboard.
"Saber is an old friend of Kiritsugu from... Europe. She arrived here planning to meet him, but she didn't know he had passed away"

"Oh dear was he seriously sketching his explanation"
I thought, watching my crush draw surprisingly cute figures.

I seriously wondered how was his school diary, did he draw cute faces there too?

"So Emiya offered her to stay here since she counted on Emiya's old man's hospitality for her permanence in japan. Chocolate... I mean Archer is in a similar situation he arrived in Fuyuki to meet Rin Tohsaka's father, but just found her"
Continued Hikigaya-sempai adding on the blackboard plain words.

He was no fun.

"And the reason he is here is that... Tohsaka, being Hikigaya's classmate yesterday helped him review..ehm"
"MATH, I suck at math"
"But forgot a..."
"Pen and sent Archer to retrieve it while he was out for errands"

I couldn't tell if it was weirder that they concluded each other's sentences, that they thought to bring out a blackboard to explain their excuse was a good idea or the initial situation itself. I mean as far as I knew both Sempai's father and my former one had died more than five years ago. You want me to believe that with today's technology you couldn't just search on Facebook for "Emiya" and "Tohsaka" in Fuyuki? In twenty minutes they could have found Sempai's and Tohsaka-sempai's profiles send a couple of messages and reached the truth.

There was no way Fujumura-sensei was going to just accept this situation without asking for a kendo match of something as stupid as that.

"So... Archer from which part of Europe do you come exactly?"

Aaaannnnddd she was distracted by Archer's abs... wonderful. God the tanned servant looked uncomfortable on so many levels, while Sempai was spasmodically searching for any throwable object.

I was half tempted to point out he could throw the blackboard, but Hikigaya-sempai stared at me and spelled without emitting any sound.
"Do. Not. You. Dare. Matou. I. Am. Having. Too. Much. Fun"

I could see in his death eyes a malicious light that went beyond fun, he was one step away from bursting out laughing.

"Archer, here is the damn... the pen you can go now"
Grunted Sempai grasping the first pen he found in the house.

The whole atmosphere was getting very tense, I could feel it in my bones, I forced a smile trying my best to remain calm, but not everybody could read the mood like me, Saber was just moving her eyes back and forth between Archer and Sempai, Fujimura-sensei was blissfully ignoring everything going on while Hikigaya-sempai pretended to have a microphone in his hands and whispered.
"When a wild Emiya finds out that his puppy is getting seduced by another specimen, he starts to glare daggers at the foreign individual and will soon try to get back his puppy asserting dominance"

"Now that I think about it the lunch should be ready in.. NOW! Better take a seat and Archer you can go home now!"

"Oh-oh, using food. The wild Emiya tries to restore balance reminding the puppy who brings her nutrition. What do you think of this strategy Matous-san"

Why was I getting involved?

"This approach is definitely a common feature for the Emiya"
Oh God, I was playing along without even wanting too.

"Oh RIGHT Lunch, Archer-san would you like to join us?"

"Still it doesn't seem enough to distract the puppy, as you can see Hikigaya-san she desires another kind of meal"

"Unfortunately the meal doesn't want to be eaten apparently"
Replied the co-conductor of my National Geographic show.

And he was right Archer was sweating bullets from his forehead as if his brain was overheating.
"Ehm, eh, I should really go now, I got the pen and..."
The servant stuttered trying to escape.
He was definitely far too uncomfortable to say anything plausible.

However, a Hikigaya-sempai came to help.
"Yeah Fujimura-sensei it's rude to force decisions on a person you just met, plus didn't you have to meet Bret tonight"

"WHAT AGAIN!?"
"WHAT AGAIN!?"
"WHAT AGAIN!?"

Correction he came just to mess with me, Sempai and, oddly enough... Archer.

---

But to explain better what's going on a prior question has to be answered. Who is Bret?

Bret, or Kazuma Naghisa for the law, was the grandson of a yakuza allied with Raiga Fujimura, Fujimura-sensei's grandfather. Naghisa-san is, without doubt, an asshole or as Sempai calls him, a motherfucker with no redeeming quality that came out from an American movie from the '80s where he played the bully. He is dubbed Bret for this reason.

As far as I knew Bret and Fujimura-sensei had been a thing for a year or so during high-school before breaking up. Still, a few years ago Bret tried to reconnect to Fujimura-sensei under his grandfather's request, Sensei didn't fall for it, but as he continued with his advances and she grew older and more desperate her defenses broke down.

---

"Please tell me it's not true..."
Sighed Sempai.

"Haven't you learned the lesson!"
I smashed my face in my palms.

"So it was today, five years of tears and Haagen Daz, started today"
And Archer was...crying?

We were astonished, Bret really! Anyone would be better than him!

"Hikigaya you had to keep the secret!"
Cried, Fujimura-sensei blushing a lot.

"Had I?"
Grinned Hikigaya-sempai while Saber tugged his shirt to know what was going on.

Through all the cringe I was feeling everything around me had stopped being important, I was in my own personal bubble as everyone spoke, however, I managed to understand one precise sentence.

"...Shiro Emiya, after all, I think I will remain for lunch."

---

Five minutes later, we all sat down at the table and the situation was kind of stable. Everybody was just eating exchanging small talks and helping themselves with seconds. I expected the situation to go south at any moment but subverting all my expectations it was really peaceful.

Sempai had buried the hatchet with Archer as an enemy more worthy of his ire had been mentioned, he even let the servant use the kitchen to cook some extra chicken rice to feed the unexpected guests.
And I swear I heard Archer whisper.
"I'm back guys"
Before starting to cook.

"So Saber-san which was your relationship with Kiritsugu"
Asked Fujimura-sensei between a bite and another.

"We competed in a ruthless tournament together"

"Oh..."
Gasped Fujimura-sensei while Archer raised an eyebrow and my two Sempai exchanged confused glares.
They were probably thinking something along the lines of "Is that your idea?"

"What kind of tournament specifically?"

"... A motorcycle tournament... with rules similar to rally racing. I was the pilot he was the navigator."

"You can drive a motorcycle!"

"Yes and not to brag, but I'm quite skilled"

"You don't say? Wait how old are-"

"HHHEYYYY"
Cried Hikigaya-sempai stopping a troublesome conversation.
"What kind of guy was Emiya's dad?"

For a second the air of the room froze down, Kiritsugu Emiya had always been a delicate topic, or at least I had never dared to ask much about him. Fujimura-sensei immediately lost her childish glee and threw a stare to Sempai who had stopped eating.

"Well... in many ways he was like you"
He began dropping his chop-sticks while looking towards an undefined direction.
"He smiled rarely, it was difficult to see what was going on in his head, and under many aspects, he was a failure as a human being, for real if he had to live alone only God knows what mess his place would be"

"Gee thanks man"

"But he was very kind, determined and tried his best to better the world."

"...Oh"

"That's, of course, the part in which you two differ"

"I hate you Emiya"

"It's cute you think you can hate me"
Grinned Sempai while a blood vessel popped on Hikigaya-sempai forehead.

Containing his anger he stretched his hand towards the tanned servant and said.
"Archer pass me anything I can smash on his dumb head!"

"Not the face! Please avoid the face, don't hurt my Sempai's face."
I mentally screamed while Archer was handing Hikigaya an empty frying pan.

"Archer, please do not give this blunt object to that man"
Asked Saber blocking Archer's arm.

"You know a hit or two could help to put his head back into place"
Retorted the servant.

"Screw you, Archer... Saber stop considering please"
Begged Sempai feeling a slight shadow of doubt on Saber's face.

I mean Archer wasn't exactly wrong in this room, I couldn't find a single normal person, but I wasn't sure a heroic spirit that exists outside time was the best individual to talk about someone's sanity.

I had lived with Medusa for a while now and as much as I loved her she was pretty weird like she had serious issues about her height, she believed she was too tall and sure for the Japanese average, 172 cm wasn't that much, Hikigaya-sempai was probably taller than her if he didn't keep his back bent... and she stopped wearing heels.
Dammit, girl wear low shoes if you're so bothered! But then she didn't like my Vans, and I desire to understand how she decided that when she only saw things through mana.
And the cats, God the cats she loved them, but they hated her and then she gets depressed and I have to pamper her... I'm not complaining she is adorable after her cool image gets torn down. Still switching side from cool and emotionless to crybaby that needs a big sister is not normal... definitely something worth consulting a psychiatrist... not that I'm the one that can talk. But I do recognize craziness when I see it.

"Ah too slow, now say it again you red-haired PUNK!"
Cried Hikigaya diving above the table and snitching the pan from the two servants.

He rolled beside me gripped the pan with both hands and started to chase Sempai that had started to escape.

It felt almost like a Tom and Jerry episode and I was worried Fujimura-sensei would get mad, but then I saw her laugh. She stared at my face, moved closer and whispered.
"Is it just me or it's been a while since Shiro was so happy"

Out of reflex, I turned to look at my Sempai's face and... she was right, I couldn't remember how long has it been since I saw him smile so brightly, he felt more alive than usual.

"Matou stop him!"
Cried Hikigaya after the fifth lap of the room.

"Why?"

"I strip him of one indument for every strike you help me to land!"

If he put it in that way. With one serpentine movement, I extended my leg in the middle of Sempai's way.
"annnd trip"

He immediately tumbled on the floor, no tumbled wasn't correct he exploded on the floor, the way Sempai tripped was so theatrical it seemed a show of the Circ du Solei.

He barely got time to register what happened before Hikigaya-sempai jumped on him and lowered the pan.

*SBAM
A terrifying sound came from Sempai's skull.

"And that's one, have a t-shirt Matou"
Grinned Hikigaya-sempai and with my surprise, he was much more adept in the art of stripping people than I imagined.

One single movement... Oh God was this something usualllll... abs abs abs abs rippling abs. My mind momentary shut down while Archer giggled and Saber swallowed feeling uneasy.

"I hope this will serve as a lesson for everyone, never ever provoke me!"
Grunted the dark-haired teen.

He started to move away from Sempai, but he couldn't make more than 3 steps before his legs froze and he fell on the floor.
"And there it goes my good leg"

"Hachiman are you okay?"
Asked Saber.

"...I will let you think about it by yourself. Does the moveless guy on the floor that just said -And there goes my good leg- sound okay to you?"

"Oh, I know the answer! It's no, but hey you're still better than after I finish with you"
Said Sempai struggling to get on his own feet.

"Emiya... what do you want to do? Put down that marker put down that AAAAAHHHHHHHHH"

"Should we stop them"
I asked Fujimura-sensei looking at Sempai's tattooing session.

"Nah, Saber-san is already going to divide them... ah no, she got convinced to draw on Hikigaya too. Ehm just let them be, for now, boys will be boys am I right?"

"You have no idea how to stop them"

"Damn straight I have never seen Shiro in this mood, I have zero clue on how to stop him, I'd ask you to try, but I wouldn't dare to interrupt your topless staring moment"

"Good call, I mean SENSEI what are you saying?!"

"Ah teens are so thirsty these days"

"Look who's talking"

"I beg your pardon"

"Archer-san, Fujimura-sensei asked if you were free this afternoon, she has this wine degustation course, but her partner abandoned her when she realized she didn't like wine... To be fair neither sensei does she just go to the course because it would have been a waste of money otherwise, still... why don't you join her, after all, two is better than one"
I said dropping a bomb with the capital B.

Archer stared at me with a puzzled stare and then watched Fujimura-sensei as if she was some kind of rare animal.
I know, to throw at a servant one of the few people that had been kind to me, didn't sound like a great idea, but hear me out if she is focused on Archer she won't focus on Bret... AND YES IT WAS WORTH IT.

Archer exchanged a tiny stare battle with Sempai and while I doubted they were actually telepathically speaking their eyes were enough to grasp the general conversation.

"If I accompany her, I can get her wasted by 4 PM and she will call out this evening date"
"The idea is wonderful but why should I trust you"
"Because I'm your only hope"
"What do you gain by this shenanigan"
"My goals are beyond your understanding"
"Fine anything is better than Bret, but if something happens I will have your ass"

Or something like that.

"Fujimura-san I'd be pleased to join you"
Said Archer showing a soothing voice that even I found charming.

Like terribly charming... the kind of charming you wouldn't hesitate to give your credit card to.
"Oh damn look at that chin"
I thought while Fujimura-sensei had basically melted.

"Oh...yes. Cool. I mean marvelous ah ah... Sakura-san pinch me I don't think this is real"
*Pinch
"Ouch! Oh, God. I- I have to go change, meet me at this address in two hours"

And she then disappeared.

---

As Fujimura-sensei abandoned the Maison a weird sense of quiet spread all over the place, only the sound of Saber drawing on the face of a defeated Hikigaya-sempai could be heard.

To be fair I was feeling a little out of place, so I just went to clean the dishes as Archer's silver eyes and Sempai's golden ones fought.

"Archer, I don't know what's on your mind but don't mess up or I swear I'll make your life a living hell"
"You have already done it"

"Christ! Are you even trying to hide it at this point?!"
Groaned Hikigaya stopping the arguing between the two.

Archer's face froze.

"I know Tohsaka probably whip you with a belt to vent up the frustration Emiya caused her but dude try to be more subtle"

"...Have you been drinking again?"
Asked the servant looking around in search of bottles.

"Nope, but the fumes of the marker are getting to my head. Saber you can stop now I have enough mustaches and phallic figures on my face!"
"Sorry! I was trying to finish the butterfly"
"Did it come out pretty?"
"Very pretty"
"Nice girl! High five"
"... Your hand isn't going up"
"Fuck my nervous system"

"And with this, I have seen enough, I found the jewel so farewell"
Sighed Archer packing his stuff and leaving.

I seriously hoped he didn't forget about Fujimura-sensei.

"So it has been an eventful morning"
Said Sempai joining my side to wash the dishes.

Damn, he was wearing again a shirt.

"Eventful to say the least, but it's been fun, chocking aside"
"Pff, you're too good for this household Sakura, run before the weirdness gets you too"
"Mmm, given I like being here I think the weirdness already got me, sorry Sempai, I'm not going anywhere"
"Even if that anywhere is to get a chocolate cake?"
"...I think there might be an exception or two"
"I see, good to know"
"Sempai if I can ask, what's up with Hikigaya-sempai? He seems like a completely different person"
I said while giving a quick wash to my hands.

"Mmm, do you think so?"
Mumbled Sempai scratching his ear.

Did he seriously not notice?

"Yes! He is louder, more expressive even though his eyes are like ones of a dead-fish and he is like much more confident. He rarely voiced his opinion before and now he actually seems to care about what's going on"
I spat reversing out all the odd changes that had bothered me all morning, without even mentioning all the weird SHIT outside.

"Well you're right, but I think it's not that different from the Hikigaya we have known for the past week"
Grimanced Sempai looking at his schoolmate getting dragged away by Saber.
"It's more like he is too tired to put up his usual barriers"

For some reason, that sentence struck me.
"Sempai what do you me-"

"SHIRO PLEASE HELP, I WAS TRYING TO WASH HACHIMAN'S FACE BUT HE IS DROWNING IN THE SINK"
"WHAT! HOW'S THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!"

Well, it seemed my answers will have to wait.

---

Fifteen minutes later Sempai, Saber, Hikigaya and I were wearing our shoes ready to head out. I was surprised by how fashionable Saber and Hikigaya-sempai looked with their simple white and black coats, and how plain Sempai and I looked with our usual clothes.

"Should I go shopping?"
I thought while Sempai threw at Hikigaya a weird cane made out of black metal.

"You sure you want to use this thing? It's heavy as hell... plus you'll look like a pimp"
Said Sempai looking at his friend lean on the steel bar.

"Well Emiya, I walk on my own with this or someone will have to carry me"
The dark-haired teen responded while Sempai just sighed and locked the house.

"Saber-san have you already tried Copenhagen's famous chocolate cake?"
I asked the servant as we quietly started to walk.

The weather was chilly, but against all odds, the wind wasn't blowing so we were all gradually warmed up by the sun.
Avoiding to kill the mood by thinking about the clusterfuck of problems I was going to face in the next days.

Rider's bounded field, the definitive possibility Sempai will have to face brother and... DAMN, I was supposed not to think about this stuff!

I was really messed up I couldn't even bring myself to be happy for more than ten minutes.
"I'm never going to escape, right?"
I muttered as the asphalt under my feet turned into black mud.

I could feel my shoes sink, while the confused figures of Sempai and Saber moved on leaving me behind, but probably that was what was bound to happen...

Sooner or later I was always left behind.

*Poche.
A finger pocked my nape.

"Com' on Matou if the cripple walk faster than you there's a problem, go do some cardio"
Suddenly grunted Hikigaya-sempai bursting inside my delusion.

"What? Hikigaya-sempai?"
I gasped noticing his face was as terrible as usual... I mean his face was defined unlike Sempai's.

"Who else I'm supposed to be, genius? Since you can get your legs to move or I will do the same thing I do to move my sister"
He said a very dark voice.

"What do you mean by that?"
I asked startled.

"Blahhhh"

With one wet sound, Hikigaya-sempai licked his thumb and pointed it against me. He was bluffing, he was definitely bluffing he wasn't going to do something that gross... OH MY GOD, he was serious!

"Kyaaaaa! Gross noo"
I cried dodging by the skin of my teeth his wet finger.

"Move or the situation will become unpleasant"
He laughed limping behind me as I started to run.

Why he was so damn fast! With one leg he was matching my two!

"Sempai! Help"
I screamed hiding behind him.

Just clinging on his jacket made me feel safer.

"Hikigaya... what the hell are you doing?"
Asked Sempai staring at his friend blocked at mid-movement.

"Forcing a reaction in Matou-kouhai-san"
He replied still moveless.

"Why?"
"She's slow"
"And"
"Hella fun to tease"
"Okay that's more reasonable"

"Reasonable my ass!"
I shouted seeing how much fun those two were having embarrassing me!

Honestly, I realized my voice was way louder than I expected after the deed was done and needless to say, I felt a bit flustered. It took me 5 additional seconds to also realize my embarrassment was nothing in comparison to the surprise Sempai and Saber's speechless faces suggested.
I guess this wasn't a side of me I showed on a regular basis...eh eh fuck.

"Then walk faster woman!"
Hikigaya retored not starteld by any degree.

"But we have arrived!"
I roared once more pointing at the Copenhagen.

"Oh? OH! Damn, I didn't notice, okay my bad"
He groaned realizing I was right.

"Won't you say you're sorry?"
I asked pushing back my purple hair.

"Pff, don't push your luck girl, you got no idea how much embarrassing shit I discovered about you in one week"
He grinned challenging me.

On a normal day I would have just backed down, but today I felt particularly bold... probably not because I was braless.

"Do we wanna talk about you and Saber hitting metal following a musical choreography?"
I replied closing my eyes into two fissures.

"I thought I heard WE WILL ROCK YOU"
Muttered Sempai making the face of someone who felt dumb for not realizing something sooner.

"Emiya please that was the new hit Saber and I are going to launch on the market WE WILL STEEL YOU"

"I can't even tell if you're messing with us or not"
I widened my eyes too dumb-struck by the naturality this guy displayed while bullshitting his way through conversations.

"I think he is serious I even signed a contract"
Suddenly said Saber dead serious.

""WHAT?!""
Cried Sempai and I receiving this sudden info.

"...wow, you learn quickly"
Gasped Hikigaya in awe.

What the hell was going on here.

"Hachiman isn't this the way how a prank is conducted nowadays"
Asked Saber tilting her head and ahoge.

"No no 100 points for getting along with the flow, but next time, remember to give some sort of warning to your partner in crime"

"What kind of sign?"

"A wink?"

"..."

"You can wink, right Saber"

"Yes! Of course, I can"

"Suuuuure...Having said that see ya"
Hikigaya said rolling his eyes before turning his heels and walking away.

"Wait are you leaving?"
Asked Sempai raising an eyebrow.

"It sure looks like that Emiya. Good job your deduction skills are improving"

"First, screw you. Second, why"

"Ahahahahah... wait you're serious? Why would anyone sane in their mind be close you in this potential harem bullshit shenanigans situation?"
He chuckled darkly, just to be cut down by Sempai's answer.

"Do you see yourself as a person with a sane mind?"

Frozen in mid-laugh Hikigaya-sempai took a moment to regain himself.
"Arguably a good point, still there are things I need to do alone"

"But-"

"Ehp-EHP-EHP my word is Law. Try not to make your life more complicated for thirty minutes okay? Okay"
Said Hikigaya-sempai shaking his finger.

"Hikigaya-sempai please don't do ... whatever was that... it's really gross"
I said utterly terrified by his attempt to act cute.

"Yeah clown with a chain-saw is less unsettling than you"
Agreed Sempai with a perturbed nod immediately followed by Saber.
"It was chilling like an executioner trying to dampen the tension between every beheading and another with a joke"

"I got it assholes I'm creepy, stop pushing my feelings under a train for God's sake"
And raising his middle finger Hikigay-sempai limped away.

Yes! One person less.

"Shiro... I don't know why, but I have a terrible feeling"

Ehm, what was going on?

"I just texted to all my classmates not to come to this area"

Were they worried about Hikigaya? I mean sure he was weird, much more physically trained than I expected, apparently able to craft bombs and skilled enough to survive meeting Rider... Oh God did I really wanted to stay here!?

"Shall we go inside?"
I immediately asked with a voice more high-pitched than usual.

"YES"
"YES"

---

The Copenhagen was a small but fashionable place where people of many different ages hanged out. To be honest I wasn't a habitual customer, too difficult to stalk Sempai in a small place with many people.

From the moment we got inside something felt immediately off, the local was crowded, the guests loud and one single old-man in a wheelchair with a long scarf was trying to serve all tables on his own.
"Yes please wait a moment, refill? Of course, wrong order I'm very sorry, do you smell anything burning too? Oh God the pancakes"

"Where the hell are Kawaki and Ikari, today it was their shifts"
Muttered Sempai looking at a tiny cloud of smoke coming out of the kitchen.

"Sakura... is this how cafes usually are?"
"No, I definitely don't think so"
Whispered Saber and me half intrigued 50% by the mess and 50% by Sempai's intense stare.

I'm not gonna use uncertain words, he looked so hot when he was serious, his golden eyes almost shined of their own light, the only deal-breaker was that I knew exactly what was going to happen next.

3, 2, 1 and there he goes.

"I'm going to help him, you two find a table!"
And saying so he left.

To be fair when I left Sempai's house I desired just two people remained together, but I didn't expect this combination.
"Mhm, shall we?"
I asked Saber pointing at the first table.

"After you"
She replied with a thin smile.

I would have never imagined so, but Saber has been a delightful company today, she was very polite and formal, but she brimmed with curiosity and I enjoyed explaining her stuff, plus by occasionally reading information on my smartphone I seemed so much smarter.
"So, he just drowned"
"Saber he didn't just drown, he sacrificed for her, for his one great love"
"But he drowned"
"Yes he did"
"But look at that piece of wood it's definitely big enough for the two of them"
"Saber there is a thing called aesthetic, just be mesmerized and don't think too hard about it, that's how you appreciate life's little joys even when everything is going wrong. Believe me"
"Joys like what?"

"Like Sempai's abs if you don't think he got them after nearly killing himself with training"
I immediately thought, but then went for a less risky example.
"Like strawberry- shortcakes! They are delicious, but are full of calories if you don't think about the latter part you enjoy them far more!"

"I never had one, are they good!?"
Asked Saber swinging her ahoge.

"Good is way reductive"
"Supergood?"
"Still reductive"
"Ultra mega good?"
"That's on spot"
"Wow"
"Yup, wow"

Suddenly the lights went down, and a sea of confused noises filled the cafe.

"What's going on?"
I thought before white neons lighted up the kitchen's door and a cloud of white smoke rose from it.

I half-expected everything to blow-up, but with my surprise, a very deep voice started blasting out of nowhere.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE ARE SORRY FOR THE DELAY OF YOUR ORDINATIONS, WE ARE A BIT UNDERSTAFFED TODAY, NOW WE'RE GOING TO DELIVER YOUR FOOD IN THE MOST EPIC WAY POSSIBLE, GIVE A BIG APPLAUSE TO DEMON ON WHEEEELLLLSSSSSS!"

The doors of the kitchen slowly opened up revealing the wheelchaired old man from before wearing a helmet with two sparkling fountains, a pair of goggles, and a tower of plates on each arm.

"Are you sure about this Nijito-jii?"
Whispered the commentator, a.k.a Shiro-sempai, without knowing the mic was still on.

"If I'm sure? Of course I am! Do you think it's the first time I stuff rockets on this good ol' chair since the 83?"
"I'm terrified to answer"
"Smart answer. Now lit me, youngster"
Growled the old man pulling a lever that had just appeared out of nowhere.

Immediately after a bunch of ramps popped out from the pavement and the other walls switching my mood from "Uh?" to "What the fuck!?"

"Last chance are you sure this is gonna be alright? I know you're high right now"
Whispered Sempai.
"I'm not high"

"Okay maybe a little, it's been a tiring day"
"Don't blame if you die"
"Aye. Go with the countdown sonny"

"TEN SECONDS TO THE LAUNCH, LET'S COUNT TOGETHER. 10, 9, 8, 7,6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 GO!"

With a sudden flash of light, Sempai lit on fire the fuse of several rockets, one second and the old man on the wheelchair was flying across all the cafe delivering with surgical precision an order between a jump and a scoured. I immediately gave up retying to follow him, however, Saber's pupils were moving at crazy speed keeping track of the human projectile.

In thirty seconds the old man had concluded the plates and sharply braked in front of Saber and me.
"They called me lighting"
He whispered puffing out his chest, lifting his goggles and looking towards the horizon.
"May I take your order?"

"Actually we didn't get the menus"
I said quietly making the imaginary castle of the man crumble.

"Goddammit... there goes my charm"
He cursed under his own breath.
"Youngster, thanks for the help, you can go sit with your girlfriends just bring a couple of menus"

"They're not my girlfriends! Jiji!"
Cried back Sempai with a flustered face.
"Sure sure, they're not... yet"
"Nijito!"
"I'll come to take your order in a minute sweet ladies"

---

As the cafe's emergency quieted down Sempai sat down beside Saber and we all started checking the menus. I was pretty sure I was going to have a strawberry shortcake but I couldn't decide if I wanted the sunrise version or the rainbow one... I didn't know the difference but it sure was a hard choice.
"Sempai what were you thinking to order?"
I asked hiding part of my face with the menu to look cuter.

"I think I'll have a hot chocolate"

Ah, boring choice.
"And you Saber-san?"

"I'll have a 5 layers chocolate cake, a lemon mousse, and the sundown strawberry short-cake"
"You want to get all of them-Wait, did you say sundown strawberry shortcake?"
"yes it was on the final page"
"OH, with blueberry cream, sounds yummy"

"So have you decided what to order"
Said the old man in the wheelchair coming back to our table.

"Yes!"
I said restlessly tapping my finger on the menu.

I couldn't wait to get my cake!

"So tell me, missy, what would you like?"
"A sundown strawberry shortcake"
"Marvellous choice, and you young missy number two?"
"5 layers chocolate cake, a lemon mousse, and the sundown strawberry shortcake"
"...Emiya are you starving this poor girl?"
"No, I swear"
"Sure...you get your usual chocolate right?"
"With cinnamon"
"Aye, and don't bother with the bill it's on the house"
"Hey old man what happened to the staff?"
"Kawaki and Ikari got sucked off by a vampire"
"What?"
"Haven't you heard youngster? Random people found passed out on the street with massive blood loss"

"Dammit Rider"
I thought suddenly grasping my clothes.

"I heard about it, are they okay?"
"Yeah they got out from the hospital yesterday, my son told them to take a break... funny if they had been in the hospital a day more they would have met the brat"
"What happened to the owner?"
"Yesterday night a leaking gas duct blew up an entire district near the building site, the brat and my dear daughter in law got burned by the explosion and were sent to the hospital, I narrowly escaped cuz the heat made the tires of my chair pop and pushed me a couple of meters away from that frigging mess."
"Nooooo...ooooo..."
Said Sempai trying to emulate.. shock? While Saber suddenly focused on her thumbs.

I saw what was going on there... they took part in the fight that caused the explosion.

"Fortunately it wasn't nothing serious they had just passed out after getting hit on the head"
"It must have been scary"
Muttered Saber searching the eyes of the old man.

"Nah I know my kids are tough, I'd be a failure of a parent if I had let them grow soft"
He chuckled pulling back an extremity of the scarf covering his face.

I have to admit, it was a very pretty red scarf even though some bits weren't weaved very well. It seemed like every bit had been done by a different set of hands.

"Should I go to pay them a visit?"
Asked the ever so caring Sempai.

"I think they'd be happy but it's not a problem if you don't... it's a hard time for everyone kiddo you should take it easy too. Your orders will arrive shortly"
Sighed Nijito-san before leaving.

As if physically hit by those words Sempai sunk in his seat massaging profusely his eyebrows.
"I don't think I can take a break"
He whispered while Saber tried to pat his back just to stop before actually doing it.

"Breaking news"
The loudspeakers of the cafe suddenly erupted.
"A single heavily armed individual just broke in a building controlled by the local criminality, incapacitated all the personnel and proceeded to blow up the structure"

"Okay now I seriously need a break"
Squirmed Sempai with his eyes wide open.

"From the street control footage, we can see the apparently armless person with a black coat and a large hat entering the building at 15:10 and sending the building's security system in lockdown. Eyewitnesses described it as a woman with short black hair but her face never appeared in the footage. From 15:13 to 15:25 a number between 40 and 60 shots have been counted before all the individuals present the got stuck to the windows of the building with duck-tape- sorry I correct myself flex-tape. At 15:45 the core structure of the building exploded sending in the systematically planned path of closed and open fireproof doors powerful blasts of air towards the individuals stuck on the windows, effectively shooting them across the street. There three inflatable slides covered of glue stopped the criminals until the arrival of the authorities that have been contacted with this telephonic call"

"Good morning, this is the Fuyuki's police department what's the emergency"
"Hi, is there an agent eager to make a career?"
"What? I'm sorry are you modifying your voice?"
"Yeah I'm talking through a Doraemon stuffed toy I bough fifteen minutes ago, but that's not important! Listen you know the building near the H&M in center yes? The one with your patrol permanently stationed undercover"
"How do you-"
"I have eyes, ears, and chloroform, yes the two guys, Satou and Baritai, are asleep and should clean the car more often smelled like cat-food inside there. I'm going to be short and clear you couldn't bust the cocaine because they were using the vacuum cleaners of the cleaning company as movable storages, you're welcome by the way, for a reason or another I needed to clean up this building and gently get my hands on some stuff, so would you please send some agents that can quickly fill in the paperwork and arrest 37 guys illegally holding weapons and drugs?"
"Yes?"
"Good also please send a couple of ambulances there are 13 dislocated shoulders, 2 severed hands, 5 severed feet, a total sum of 69 cracked ribs and my favorite a broken scrotum... a guy got scared and fell on the floor while in the bathroom... not a good show, I'm not a guy but ouch"

"It is yet to see if this last crime has any ties to the events of this morning stay tuned for more updates"

"Nope, nope, nope, nope"
Started to madly repeat Sempai hugging his own head.

"Saber what's going onnnnn?"
I asked before realizing the sword servant was as confused as me.

We both stared at Sempai's red hair while he was on the verge of a mental break down, I didn't know what to do usually I was the one breaking down what hell was I supposed to do from this side?

Saber tried to slightly shake Sempai's shoulders without any result.

"Here's your order. Ah, another incident... 32 minutes he's been quick"
Commented Nijito-ossan nodding on the tv of the cafe.

"He? The news said it was a woman"
I asked.

"Believe me, lady, I know a man's touch when I see it, leaving aside the fact that's it would have been very difficult for a respectfully strong woman to lift so many gown men and stick them to the window, it all seems unnecessary"

"What do you mean?"
Joined Saber unable to understand the man's reasoning.

"Someone as skilled as that individual could have been much more subtle as a woman and probably could have just stolen what she needed without all that mess. Sure I might be wrong but my stomach doesn't feel right about this... no, it's yesterday's beans sorry"
Groaned the old man putting a hand on his tummy and rushing towards the bathroom.

That was far too many details for my taste still... his reasoning made sense the only problem with it was that he didn't include the possibility of a bored servant sent for an errand by her Master. For what I knew the culprit of this last crime could have been one a servant like Caster, Berserker, Lancer or Assassin, a heroic spirit definitely had the skills to raid that building so quickly. After all who else could have pulled such a stunt.

*Dling
The bell of the cafe's door suddenly rang and under them a very much scary teenager with eyes that looked straight out from a zombie arrived with his arms full of bags.

In that second Sempai froze while Saber and I went "Oh...". He thought Hikigaya-sempai was the criminal! And the major problem was that I couldn't tell if he was just exaggerating or not. I had no idea how dangerous he actually was, and I sure wasn't eager to discover it.

"Hikigaya what's in the bags"
Sighed Sempai without even changing position.

"...Clothes? I devolved half of my hoodies to charity this morning and the rest of my stuff was dirty of blood, I needed to renew my wardrobe so I went to H&M. What? Are you sad you couldn't come? Sorry but I definitely do not trust your fashion style nor I need anyone to interrupt my quiet time alone"
He said taking a seat beside me.

Uh? It seemed Sempai was overreacting, after all, I Hikigaya-sempai he had a wounded leg and where the hell could a high schooler buy the weapons to raid a building.

"Look at the news"
Groaned Sempai pointing towards the Tv still with his eyes directed on the floor.

"...oh so that was the reason for the explosion I heard, what about it"
"Weren't you concerned?"
"Concerned to get out from there as soon as possible? Yeah a lot, so concerned I even dare to get entangled in your harem romcom"
"Can you translate it using normie words"
"Damn you're so boring. Better break my balls than my bones. Better staying here with you than close to an explosion"
Hikigaya-sempai explained leading Sempai to mutter.
"Rude...and a lie you still have red lipstick on a corner of the mouth mother fucker"
I couldn't quite catch what he said after rude but it must have been an insult or something.

I would have tried to inquire, but thinking about it twice it didn't seem wise to poke that nest of wasps plus my cake had arrived! And that was, without a doubt, my priority.

"Here your orders and... are you new here?"
Asked the old man closing his eyes a little.

"Yes don't worry he just got here, you're not going senile old man"
Said Sempai trying to reassure him, but the result wasn't quite the expected one.

"Who the fuck said I was going senile, mind your words brat!"

"Ah I like him"
Chuckled Hikigaya-sempai probably feeling some kind of kinship with the old man.

"Okay… leaving aside the fact I might have doomed the universe bringing you two together, I think I could do the presentations, old-man, I guess you remember Sakura, but the other two have not been in Fuyuki for long she is Saber and he is Hikigaya-Hachiman"

"..Kiddo with all due respect, I don't really care"
Sighed the old man giving Sempai a condescending nod.
"Liking this guy even more"
"Hikigaya shut-up"
"Pffahaha, guess you finally found someone able to make you snap kiddo, that's good" The chairbound man grinned under his scarf while a joyful spark danced in his old gray eyes.
"How's that a good thing?"
Groaned Sempai with a tired face.

"Cuz your ass is finally confronting someone instead of winning or losing an argument from the beginning, lads like you have only always seen black or white, you need more gray in your life"

"...Since when are you so philosophical?"
"Since the 101 got in the city"
"What's 101?"
Asked Sempai sipping his hot chocolate.
"It's a blend of weed Emiya, overrated in my opinion"
Retorted Hikigaya making him almost choke.

Sempai's eyes widened and his cheeks full of sweet chocolate puffed up for a second, then he swallowed and as if nothing had happened put down the mug and said.
"I should have imagined that… and why are you so knowledgeable Hikigaya?"
Yeah, I was wondering that too, was Hikigaya-sempai a junkie? He struck me as anything but that.

"Knowledgeable? This punk says 101 is overrated knowledgable my ass, I dare you I double dare you to name a better blend"
Erupted the old man pointing his index against Hikigaya's nose.
Who without even blinking responded.
"Black scale"

First confirming my doubt, Hikigaya-sempai was a junkie and second impressing the old man.
"Okay you got taste laddie I got to admit it and… the name is Nijito Eru by the way, I guess it would be rude to not introduce myself at this point"
Staring towards Saber and me, Nijito-san finally introduced himself and even though I already knew his identity and wasn't interested in a formal introduction, I felt a chill run down my spine when he pronounced his name: "Nijito". Another wave of mud filled my vision it lasted just a couple of seconds, but in that time frame, I… saw something different from usual. It wasn't just some mindless shower of darkness.

---

It was a clear image of a black coated fist crushing a horned helm and the skull of a girl under it.

---

By the moment I regained consciousness a scream of horror got stuck in my throat and all my blood escaped from my face.
"Matou!"
Said immediately Hikigaya-sempai as all the strength left my body and I leaned on his shoulder. A sense of nausea pervaded my soul as if all the worms in my body had decided to twist their slimy body in random directions… and now that I thought about it could, that have been very likely the situation.

"Fuck my body"
I mentally cried while a displeasing heat grew in my lower abdomen.
"I MEAN DIDN'T LIKE THAT!"
I cursed the world again as my libido grew out of control.

"What's going on?"
Asked Sempai rushing at my side.
"I've no idea, her pulse is speeding up and she is sweating. Matou do you feel heat rushes somewhere?"
Asked Hikigaya unsheathing his unusual caring voice.
Damn it wasn't fair people couldn't just switch from totally uninterested to "My whole world is you" it's just too offputting.

"Matou nod or shake your head. Are you feeling heat rushes?"

I nodded with the will I had left.

"I think she's having a panic attack, we have to take her in a quieter place and make her calm down, Emiya give me options"
"The back shed is quiet and there's a sofa to make her lie down, old-man is not a problem right?"

Sempai retorted putting his arms under my body.
Can someone tell me while the only time something like THIS happens my brain is too meltdown to memorize the feeling properly?
Nijito-san hearing Sempai simply shrugged and moved his wheelchair away.

"You would do it anyway even if I said you can't do it"
"Gland you know me so well"

And saying so Sempai carried me away. The last thing I saw before the world started moving and become confusing was Saber piling up her dishes and follow me while Hikigaya-sempai threw a weird stare at Nijito-san.
I could feel my heart trying to pop out of my chest, when I was laid down the cold surface of the sofa made me gasp.

"Okay now what?"
Asked Sempai looking towards the dynamic duo that had followed him.
Saber was evidently clueless while Hikigaya had finally lost his caring side.
"Now we wait, and you hug her whispering sweet stuff… no, wait, terrible idea in this situation it might straight-up give her a heart attack, Saber you hug her"
"Me?"
"Yes you, get your head in the game"
Then something unbelievably soft and warm was squished on my chest, it felt good it was pleasing.

"Now tell her it's all okay"
"Sakura, it's all fine"

"Fine?"
I thought almost escaping the ghost arms dragging me towards the oblivion.

"Fine"
I repeated trying to convince myself, but then I suddenly lost the sense of touch throughout my whole body and a wrinkled clawed hand appeared before my eyes.

"Welcome to your new house Sakura, I'm Matou Zouken. Don't put up that face, everything is going to be fine ah ah ah"
There was nothing fine.
Other images flashed in my mind, and unfortunately, this time I recognized them, they were my memories, my past.

---

Worms and bugs, bugs and worms. As much as my memories were terrifying they were also very redundant. The bug bites after a while just melted with each other, the cold penetrating the bones couldn't go beyond my skeleton and the worms crawling through my flesh would stop sooner or later. If I had nowhere to be, none to see, nothing to live for I could actually empty myself and get it over with. I learned that if I dug deep inside the nothingness I could build a cold shell, far from everything, an unreachable place where I was only a spectator of the world. Maybe it was thanks to that place I managed to keep my sanity all this time, if they think you're death Matou's worms stop to drill through your body, yet if they realize you're actually counting the seconds to the end of that torture so you can escape from the house and reach the only people in the world that actually love you.. well your going to be there for a long time.

It was probably better I got comfortable God knew just how long I'd be stuck in this nightmare.

---

"She's getting worse, Saber hug her better!"

"How do I hug better, I'm not used to"

"AH, you two stop! Get me that water bottle, a metal straw, and lighter I know how to relax her"
"Emiya, think I know what are you thinking and that's definitely a terrible idea, she'll eventually calm down"
"You know what time is it?"
"It's.. damn sunset is coming"
"We'll have a target on our back and Hachiman is in no fight condition"
"Yeah Saber talk about a secret magical war in the ear of an ordinary teenager"
"She can't hear me, I could slap her and the situation would change"
"Fair point"
"GUYS BRING ME WHAT I ASKED"

---

"...eath"

Uh

"Breath"

Something warm was blowing on my face

"Skura breath "

Breathing? Well, I guess I could do that.

"UFFFFFFFFFFF! "

I sucked the air inside my lungs. The only problem was it wasn't air.

Suddenly I felt my nerves relax as if they were freshly made dough, with weird phlegm, I opened my eyes, and oh boy has anyone ever thought how lightbulbs are bulbs of light crazy.

"Holy shit, you did it Emiya. She actually calmed down… and why you didn't tell me you are so adept at making make-shift bongs! That's the most useful thing I have sen you do"

"Fuck off Hikigaya. Sakura are you okay?"

"Mmm your face is so squishy aha"
I laughed pinching Sempai's cheeks.

Gosh, they all looked so tense what happened? It was something regarding the cakes, wasn't it?

"I STILL DIDN'T HAVE MY CAKE!"
I realized storming out the room I was closed into.

One problem I couldn't open the door no matter how hard I pulled.
"1, 2, 3 AAAAHHHHHH"
Still no luck.
"1, 2, 3 AAAHHHHHHHHH"
"Sakura"
"1, 2, 3 AHHHHH, you're a thug bitch uh!"
"SAKURA!"
"What Sempai I have no time for your beautiful eye-lashes I need my cake"
"It's a push door!"
"Ooooh, thanks" *Push "To the cake!"

---

Strawberries and blackberries definitely an incredible combo in a shortcake, I swear every spoon was pure ecstasy, it was so good I could even ignore the two people talking behind my back.

"So you used the Teddy bear blend I keep to stone my dear brats when they are too loud, to quiet your girlfriend down"
"Sorry old man, I'll repay you, and no, she is not my girlfriend"
"Does she know?"
"What-"

Yeah I knew I wasn't old fart! Thanks for reminding me that my plan in 89 steps was only at step 5! AH! A GREMLIN HAD JOINED THE CONVERSATION! Wait... that's Hikigaya.

"Gentlemen, that's it's a stupid question... she barely knows her name now. Too busy playing at the airplanes with Saber"

Playing at the airplanes? Who was playing? I was controlling a delicate mission.
"Brrrbbbbbbbb, cake cargo incoming Saber control tower open the hangar"
"AAHHHHHH""
"Incoming"
"mmmm"

Mission complete I was a great captain! What had those assholes to say about my skills?

"Was it the first time she… you know"
"Old man you do realize marijuana is illegal"
"Kids these days are no fun, but I'd clean her up before coming out"

Oh, no praises just more boring talking!

"What do you suggest?"
"Dunno"
"Ice-bucket challenge?"
"Thanks, Hikigaya let's drench a girl in winter"
"Pneumonia assured eh"
"Fine not a bright idea but at least I'm proposing something"
"Old man how do you usually clear up?"
"I don't do it, one of the few advantages of being bound to this thing is that I don't have to worry about walking straight when I'm wrecked"
"Interesting but useless, Emiya can you call a cab?"
"Services suspended after a gas explosion destroyed a taxi deposit last week"
"Right, I had to return home on just two wheels that night, still are you two sure she won't get another attack"
"Can't say, never seen something like this-"
"It started out of nowhere"
"It's not that uncommon, she probably saw or felt something you couldn't perceive in the same way as her"
"Yeah, in fact, what I was going to say IF YOU DIDN'T INTERRUPT ME, was that it's the fact she calmed down so much so quickly that throws me off"
"It's like a switch inside her had been flipped on and off"
"Maybe it was magic, or the tranquilizers inside the weed, who knows my guess is as good as yours, wait no it was definitely the tranquilizers brats"
"Then why is she exploding with energy? She is hyperactive that's not how stoned people are like!"

How dared he I wasn't exploding with energy, only because I got bored of jet feed Saber and had started to fold all the napkins on the table in cranes, he called me hyperactive.

"Who cares! Hikigaya, we already lost too much time, let's just find something to clear her mind. Saber can you control her"

"Sure"
Responded the servant nodding.

Her face looked terribly serious but her mouth was covered in cake crumbs, so she didn't look that reliable.
"Hey Sempai I can take care of myself"
I responded ruining the paper crane I was folding.

"Sakura you're talking to a mop"

"Ah, okay see you later then I'll be a good girl with Saber"
I smiled suddenly realizing I might not be able to take care of myself at the moment.

The teens and the old man left quickly after, while I had started to play with my origami. It was weird, I was weird, I felt so relaxed, so chill I barely recognized myself, it was like I had discarded a heavy bag. My body was light, my smile didn't feel bound to two weights. I didn't want this euphory to end...

"Sakura, how're you feeling?"
Asked Saber cleaning her face with a napkin.

"Good"
I responded with honesty, for the first time in a long time I felt good.

"That's good to hear, and don't be scared to ask my help or Shiro's if something like that happens again"
"Oh, you were concerned about, my little crisis don't worry it's not a big deal"
I smiled brushing away her concerns.

"...pardon?"
Retorted the servant with serious eyes.
"Not a big deal, it was just a crisis, not the end of the world"
I replied rolling my eyes, what a worry-heart.

"It's not the end of... Sakura being overwhelmed by that kind of sadness is no joke"
"Sadness?"
I asked not understanding what she was talking about.
Those attacks were sure a pain, but at best they were embarrassing, of which sadness was she talking about.

"Sakura... I... you"

Oh, she was confused too, good.

"I... I saw people go through that state only when fear, sadness or despair struck with suddenly a person, that's what I'm talking about"

"Ah, no, don't worry I wasn't struck by anything really. I just got distracted"
I said with a smile finally understanding Saber's point of view.
"Distracted..."
"Yes, a thing popped in my mind and I forgot to be happy, Ahah how clumsy of me, sorry I didn't show my best side"

Concluding with a giggle I finally cleared the misunderstanding. Good job Sakura! I had been clear to express my thoughts even in my current condition, I was really an impressive person when I tried, in fact, I actually managed to surprise a servant! Yes, Saber was so impressed she couldn't close her mouth or blink.

I was really unique.

SPLASH!

---

COOOLD!
Cold cold cold a sine breaking cold suddenly crept all over my body, while a black haired teen looked at me without much interest.

"YOU ACTUALLY SPLASHED ME WITH ICE WATER!"
I cried slapped back to my senses by two liters of artic water.

"See it worked, pay up"
Sighed the Hikigaya-sempai squeezing his black eye, to the chair-bound old man
"Youngster you're ruthless, I like you, here your yen"

"Thank you very much, and welcome back to the world of the living Matou"

"Brrrr why did you do that!"
I asked shivering from the cold.

"Cuz you would have been stoned for another hour and... I needed to get my chance while Emiya was at the bathroom"
"I get your logic but I'm still hating you so much right now"
I replied hugging my own body, but then something soft covered my head.

"Yeah, sure now dry yourself with your towel, if you don't complain you'll get a prize"
He said rolling his eyes and while grabbing one of his shopping bags.

"I don't know which kind of girl you think I am Sempai but I won't be swayed just by some sort of- OH MY GOD IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS!"
I suddenly exclaimed.

"Yes... the unisex sweater of the "Fashion collection" that just came out this year"
He nodded with an attitude full of superiority.

"Why would you try to buy me with that?"
I whispered as my hands unconsciously moved towards that masterpiece.

"A. Because Emiya would be a pain in the ass if you were to complain now and B. I need a favor"

"What kind of favor"
I asked blocking my arm, I had the feeling I was very close making a deal with the devil.

"I can't tell you right now, but if you follow my lead in about twenty minutes this thing will be yours"

Sweater or no danger. Sweater danger. Danger... DAMMIT!
"You can keep the sweater-"

"I have another one"
He cut me off with a terrifying musical voice.
"Ara?"
I gasped looking at Hikigaya-sempai slowly showing up a second sweater.

Suddenly I froze while a maleficent idea took form in my soul. I couldn't even put it into words, because by that time I would have fallen for Hikigaya-sempai's trap.

Still, that devil already knew what I wished for and with whispers sweeter than honey...
"I could give this one to Emiya so you two could have... matching outfits"
He conquered my loyalty.

Matching outfits... matching outfits. Those two words were like a powerful spell able to bind my soul to an unbreakable oath. Hikigaya and I broke out in a dark chuckle while slowly shaking hands.

"ahahahahahhaah"
"ahahahahahahah"

"What are you doing you two?"

"Nothing Sempai"
"Nothing Emiya"
We yelped from the sudden appearance of the red-haired teen.

"Sure.. Oh God! Sakura did he splash you?"
Asked sempai noticing I was still wet.

I immediately felt Hikigaya-sempai's dead eyes on me, it was like they were saying:" Don't mess this up"

"Splashed me? No, he... gently woke me up with a bucket of ice-cold water"
I replied with a smile.

"Mission complete"
I thought winking at Hikigaya who just smashed his palm on his forehead.

"Hi. Ki. Ga. Ya"
Sempai growled releasing a dark aura.
"Would like to give me an explanation?

The dark-haired teen raised his index ready to respond, but then he just lowered it and cried.
"...GODDAMIT MATOU!"

AH! I had screwed up! How could have I screwed up something this important!

"NO SEMPAI I'M FINE REALLY! HE GAVE ME A TOWEL, DON'T BE ANGRY AT HIM, DON'T DO THIS TO ME!"
I desperately pleaded him tugging his clothes.

"What the hell is wrong with you two..."
Sighed Sempai while Saber shook her head in confusion.

---

Five minutes of pleading later, Sempai gave up his anger and we all prepared to leave.

"Old man are you sure you can run this place alone?"
Sempai asked wearing his jacket.

"Ah, of course no, youngster, today this place wasn't even supposed to be open"
Replied Nijito-san while cleaning a table with an old rag.

"What? Then why-"
"Because, I had to get some stuff here, but when I arrived this morning an acquaintance of mine was standing before the entrance with his fiancé, he wanted to have a fancy breakfast with her, they were cute so I opened the place"
"That doesn't sound like your style at all"
"What style would be my then, brat?"
"...Hikigaya's one... the style that send them straight at home"
"Hey Emiya, I'm still here you know"
"But I'm sure you're taking it as a compliment"
"Damn straight I am"
"See..."
"Okay that would be my base style, you're correct kiddo"
"Returning to the original topic who's this acquaintance that made you open the place"
"AH, it's a teacher of your school, scary as hell, Kazuki Yamashiro"
"SO THAT WAS HIM THIS MORNING, wait he has a fiancé"
"Apparently"

"Hey, you two who is Kazuki? This isn't my hero academia"
Asked Hikigaya-sempai expressing an odd interest for gossip.

"Hikigaya-sempai you must know him, he is the scary teacher with a mono expression face"
I Said puzzled by his ignorance, if I wasn't wrong it was even his homeroom teacher.

"I have no idea of who you're talking about"
He replied confused.

"Dude, scary as hell, doesn't ring any bells?"
Asked Sempai raising an eyebrow.

"Nope"
"Sempai it's your homeroom teacher"
I added confused by his confusion.

I mean, I suspected Hikigaya-sempai didn't care much about other people but not even knowing his teachers' names was on my brother's level of... which was the expression... zero fucks given.

"Right! You always misspell his name"
Sempai snapped his fingers reaching a sudden realization.
"You call him Kuzuki"

"...Kuzuki's name isn't Kuzuki?"
"No Hikigaya-sempai, it's Kazuki"
"And you two are 100% sure about this"
"YES MAN! You're confusing him with someone else"
Groaned Sempai rolling his golden eyes.

For a moment Hikigaya's dead eyes sharpened, it was scary... it was like something inside him that was usually asleep had waken up for a second. Chills ran through my back and then he grunted.
"Ohhhh fuck, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me. I mean...yes...probably I am, how clumsy"

"Com' on Hikigaya you've been here more than a week a mistake like that is a little embarrassing"
Replied Sempai totally unaware of Hikigaya's tension.

Oh boy, oh boy the situation could escape out of hand any moment now.
"Wow, it's gotten late we should really go, right Saber?"
I said trying to save my matching outfit fantasy.

"Really?"
Commented the servant hiding inside her pockets some chocolates.

"GH. Go away brats! My head is splitting in half just having to see you"
Groaned Nijito-san holding his head in his hands and snatching away from Saber the sweets.
"These are for kids lady!"

"Can we please go, before some kind of demon lord enters from that door and I have to ditch my stuff to Saber and use Emiya as my legs?"
Cried Hikigaya pointing at the door with his cane.

"Fine, let's go, bye old man tell me one the place stays open stably"
Said Sempai waving his hand.

Reading the mood I opened the door and head out still shaken by what I had seen. Hikigaya-sempai had always rubbed me in a weird way and I knew he was dangerous, but that... thing he had inside was on another level, for a second it felt I was standing beside a predator at the apex of the food chain.

"Ow"
Coming out of the cafe I suddenly crashed into a woman standing outside.

Dear how embarrassing.
"I'm sorry are you okay"
I asked looking at the stranger I had ran into.

"Don't worry, I'm okay I was just surprised"
She responded touching her forehead and... damn she was gorgeous.

Not on Saber's or Rider's unbelievable level, but still she could have been a model for what I knew.

"Sakura is everything okay"
Said Saber following me past the door just to freeze in front of the stranger woman.

"Ghg"
"Ghg"
They both groaned at the same time.

"Sakura, Saber can you please move further, Hikigaya is mistaking me for a pinata. Oh God not you"
Gasped Sempai joining Saber and me.

"You're the molester from the shop"
The woman whispered poisonous.

"And you're the terrible person that insulted Saber, do we have to keep this conversation going longer? I have a sociopath behind me that's eager to return home"
Replied Sempai with the sexiest, I mean the coldest voice I have ever heard him use.

He looked very cool, but then Hikigaya's cane appeared out of the door and sashed on his head making him squat down in pain.

"For GOD'S SAKE EMIYA how is it physically possible you make every action within my day a mess just by existing? I'm sorry lady that you and this idiot had a bad history, but if I don't get home to my painkillers real quick the situation will become real ugly soon"
Groaned the dark-haired teen with angry voice.

Damn, he was still livid by whatever had happened before, however, with much my surprise the woman remained completely unfazed and simply smiled.
"Is that how you greet me Hikigaya-kun? Don't you say hi to your Onee-chan?"
She said with malice.

The demon in human skin commonly referred to as Hikigaya Hachiman suddenly quieted down, he stared at the woman for a second, blinked two times and then sighed.
"Fucking called it"

With a swift movement, he dropped all his bags to Saber, pushed me against the woman, straightened up Sempai's back pulling his hair and then jumped in his arms.

Like the ugliest Disney princess, Hikigaya-sempai was in the hands of MY prince, and he was directing it with his cane as if MY GODDAMN PRINCE was a horse.

"RUN, RUN EMIYA! BEFORE SHE LAYS EGGS OR SOMETHING EVEN WORSE!"

Before I understood what was happening my two sempais ran away while Saber dashed behind them and snatched me away from the woman.

"THE DAY I FALL IN THE CLAWS OF A YUKINOSHITA IS THE DAY I'VE GIVEN UP ON LIVING BUT THAT'S NOT TODAY!"

WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH TODAY!?

---

"So, Hikigaya-sempai"
"Yes, Matou"
"For how long are we going to run?"
"Until I'm getting carried we can run as long as Emiya faints"
"Yeah, but Saber seems able to keep running forever"
"Legit point"

---

"HORSES STOOOPPPPPP"
Cried Hikigaya-sempai forcing Sempai and Saber to stop after they'd been carrying us for fifteen minutes.

"OUCH! Stop hitting me with that cane asshole"
Retorted Sempai blocking his feet while roughly dropping Hikigaya-sempai.

"Hachiman, who was that very mean woman, who I totally do not resent for making hateful comments about my body"
"What's with those details, why do you have history with her?"
"Just answer please"
Said Saber gently placing me down on the ground.

"Ehm her name is Yuikinoshita Haruno she is an acquaintance of mine, and she is annoying"
The teen responded passing a hand on his wrinkled clothes.

"What an awful amount of information Hikigaya, now we know nothing more than before"
Replied Sempai slowly clapping his hands.

"I agree with Sempai, what aren't you telling us, Hikigaya-sempai? Is she perhaps your girlfriend?"
I suggested, not much because I thought it was true, but because Hikigaya-sempai would more keen to speak if he was flustered.

"AH!? What! Are you nuts! How that would even be possible!"
He replied assuming the same expression of a deer that's going to be run over by a car.

"Well, if she is an evil being, as you're trying to let us think, I wouldn't be surprised if the two of you got along nicely Hachiman"
Said Saber following my lead.

ATTAGIRL

"Is that your opinion of me Saber! I'm not the type that would get turned on by the hot and evil trope!"
Stuttered the dead-eyed teen getting gradually cornered.

"Really Hikigaya-sempai?"
I argued, inquisitively.

Damn, teasing him was so much fun. Bullying this almost emotionless guy to the verge of embarrassment tears was way too satisfying.

"Okay, that's definitely a fantasy of mine, but she is annoying and a shitload of problems"

Oh ho, he was going on the defensive.

"That does sound like a person you'd enjoy spending with, Hachiman"

Yes, Saber attack!

Hikigaya-sempai stared to assume a reddish coloration and blurted.
"That's uncalled for! Saber why would you think that..."
Then he gave a quick stare to Sempai.
"Annoying and a shitload of problems... yeah... Okay, I can see from where this misunderstanding comes. Still, unlike Emiya, who run in massively fucked up situations just by existing, Haruno actively try to mess with my life! Plus carrot cooks for me and held my head when I was vomiting so I'll at least give him credit for that"

"Yes, Shiro has surprisingly comfortable hands to rest on, in those situations"
Commented Saber touching her own forehead and blushing a little.

What the fuck was that? Why was she blushing? Did I have to kick someone's ass here and now?

"Definitely. Still returning to our previous argument, there is no way she'd go after a creep like me. So case closed and let's keep moving before she catches up"
Declared Hikigaya-sempai trying to conclude the teasing.

Dammit, he had made a fairly reasonable remark. Who would ever love those eyes and personality! Just a bit more and he would have cracked.

I thought it was over but, then Sempai arrived.
"Really? That's the reason you want to use to conclude this argument, Hikigaya? Your face is average, maybe slightly above when you're without eye-bags, from the neck down it seems your body got carved out from solid metal, your personality is trash, but eventually, you're very reliable and at very least I can count already one girl that has a crush on you at school"

Wait the situation was taking a weird turn right now.

Saber and I squeezed our eyes, the air had gotten intimate.

"Oh god please tell me is just a bromance"
I thought while Hikigaya had his mouth left open.

"Dude.. what the fuck? Stop this crazy embarrassing passionate speech, and... wait someone has a crush on me?"

"Not the point Hikigaya, what I'm saying is that..."
Please, be bromance, please, be bromance.
"That girl has a soft spot for you, the thing intrigues you, but something scares you, and so you chicken out"
Said Sempai with a very clinical analysis.

"...T. That's not true"

"Really?"

"Really Emiya"

"...really?"

"AAAHHHHH she is the sister of one of the two girls of my club. I, her sister and the other girl present in the club have a complicated relationship that I consider very important, however, Haruno keeps planting seeds of doubt here and there jeopardizing said relationship in order to make her little sister grow; a thing that I can't understand if it is nice or a dick move, because Haruno is as much emotionally unstable as her sister and can't be expected to help someone if she can't even help herself first! Really! Her personality is nearly as twisted as mine, she always wears maks to have the upper hand, but if she is outclassed in even a single aspect she'll act like a spoiled brat, which is ridiculous because a person with so much Onee-san vibe can't just go in little sister mode, and trigger my onii-chan senses that's illegal! And... I got played, right?"
Said Hikigaya suddenly stopping his monologue.

Wow once teased enough Hikigaya was worst than an old housewife, he spat out an awful amount of info, and the fact that he was blushing like a little girl wasn't helping his pride.

"Yup, you got played man and damn... I was wrong. YOU'RE THE ONE WITH A SOFT SPOT FOR THAT WOMAN! AND YOU DON'T WANT HER TO FIND OUT"
Gasped Sempai like he had just discovered something amazing.

"Shiro is this what's commonly referred to as tsundere?"

"Stop you two! I swear I'll kick your asses for this!"
Roared the dark-haired teen almost on the verge of tears.

And then I realized one thing, while flustered and embarrassed Hikigaya-sempai looked... cute. The blood rushing to his face erased his eyebags, the tears he kept imprisoned in his eyes concealed their rotten part and from my position, I couldn't even see his black eye.

A weird desire to hug him and pet his head was slowly taking over me.
"Dear lord, Hikigaya-sempai are you perhaps popular with girls"
I asked, realizing bullying him could be an addictive hobby.

"Like hell"
He replied generating the deadest deadpan I have ever seen.
"Are you screwing with me Matou? Calling a loner popular is the same as asking to be shot in the face"

Aaaaannnnnnddddd it was gone, his cute side was gone... I had touched the wrong button.

"GHA! Your gossiping has already made me lose a bunch of time!"
Groaned Hikigaya-sempai pulling his hairs and getting his bags back from Saber.
"You two go home if I have to deal with any more of your crap I'll kill someone, also Emiya fetch this"
He said throwing a medium-sized pink package.
"What's this?"

"You'll know once you open it at your house, and please get some development before it's too late"

"What's that supposed to mean"

"As I said before you'll know, Saber take the lead in case it's necessary"

"Ehm, Hachiman what are you talking about?"

"Again you will know I left all the instruction in the package"
Said Hikigaya-sempai with an annoyed voice.
"Now, you two go, I'm going to escort Matou at her home, it's been dangerous these days"

What? No Saber and Sempai couldn't be left alone together!
"I'm fine actually I don't need-"

"Oh right your sweater Matou"
Cut me off Sempai showing up a prized item, I desired.

...wait twenty minutes had passed I had to follow his lead!

"Yeah, now that I think about it way better move in group these days, thanks Hikigaya-sempai"
I replied in a hurry, making Hikigaya-sempai smirk.

"Emiya now that I think about it can you also carry my bags back home "
He said proceeding to throw the rest of his stuff against the red-haired teen.

"Woah! be careful, they could... wait they're just clothes?"
Gasped Sempai cathing the bags.
"I told you, I was going to buy clothes what did you expect?"
Groaned the dark-haired teen.

"I don't know, bombs?"

"And where would I be supposed to buy them Ikea? Be realistic Emiya, did you snitch some of the weed from that old man?"

"Shiro don't answer, anything you'll say will become the root of a sassy retort"
Said Saber jumping between my two sempais.

"Wise words, now go. Emiya, if you don't mess anything up, the sweater in the blue bag is yours, and Saber there's also a CD for you... all the Queen discography"
"Hey, why are you being nice what's the catch-"
"Shiro let's go"
Suddenly cried Saber dragging away Sempai in a blonde and red line.

I stared at them until disappeared behind a corner and then I remained alone with Hikigaya-sempai, there was none else around, just the tow of us standing quietly in the light of the twilight. Today... today has been fun, probably the most fun day I have had in a while and the most fun I was going to live until the Holy Grail War was over. The last moment of calm before a storm that was going to shake the very roots of this city... it was sad. I was sad. Because I had no idea of what was going to happen and what was going to change.

"It's always fun how child-like literal legends such as servants can be"
Grinned Hikigaya-sempai putting his weight on his cane.

"Yes, it's unbelievable"
I agreed remembering Rider's reaction to microwaveable popcorns, she was adorably interested.

"Almost like your stupidity"
He added with a thin line of happiness.

"Yeah, wait my what?"
I asked turning towards Hikigaya-sempai just to find the mouth of a gun in front of my face.

"Matou let's talk go talk to your family now. I really need to settle a score with the Rider servant, and I think you stole from me a jewel that's worth a small fortune so... lead the way. You woke up something bigger than you can handle"

Damn those sweaters weren't worth this kind of favor.

---

-EMIYA RESIDENCE-

"So, do we open it Saber?"
"Be careful Shiro we don't know what could be inside it"
"Ehm... this note on the box says -aid for mana transfer- and the box is produced by a company called -spicy nights-?"
"I found the instruction: execute the first three points before Emiya opens the box and take out its content. 1 turn off the lights-"
"How can we read the other points without lights?"
"2 shut up Emiya the ink I used glows in the dark"
"GH! That guy!"
"3 actually turn off the lights"

*Switch

"Hey the ink does glow. Okay, I'm opening the box"
"What's inside Shiro?"
"Somekind of soft rod, but I can't see, what do the instructions say now?"
"Ehm 4 remove upper clothing"
"...really?"
"Really"
"Okay, it's dark so I have no problem, are you okay with this Saber?"
"Shiro, before anything else I'm a warrior, I'm not bothered by such trivial things... also it's dark so is fine"
"I.I already said that"
"5 move closer"
"Like this?"
"I think so, ah, no, point 6 CLOSER YOU HAVE TO NEARLY HUG"
"Are we sure he isn't spying on us?"
"I'd be more scared by the fact we are so predictable for him"
"... let's not think about that, what's next?"
"7 place one extremity of the box content close to Saber's inner thighs, remove pants if necessary"
"Ehm, I'm not sure-"
"Follow the instruction Shiro, please"
"But I.. Oh this is the part where you take the lead"
"Yes that's what I'm thinkin-kya!"
"Saber are you okay?"
"Yes It's just... cold"
"Okay, wait a second I'm changing the grip-"
"Ah, don't... don't push further Shiro"
"...wait what the hell are we doing? What am I holding?"
"Point 8 says to turn on a switch on the object"
"No, Saber I think I know what I'm holdin-"
*switch
*Vvvvvvvvvvvrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmm
"KYA!"

"Annnnnndddd this is a vibrator"

---

AAAANNNNNDDDD THAT WAS A VIBRATOR, INDEED.

HI THERE EVERYONE, NO FIGHTS THIS TIME, JUST A LOT OF FORESHADOWING, 8MAN STARTS TO GO ON THE OFFENSIVE AND NOW HE IS GOING TO MEET THE LOVABLE ZOUKEN, ALSO WHY DOES HE KNOW KUZUKI REAL NAME (Check the loner I if you want, 8man always thinks of him as Kuzuki, but talk to him only in sir and etc). SAKURA STILL TRY TO HAVE HER SEMPAI TO NOTICE HER, BUT NOW SHE HAS BIGGER PROBLEMS TO DEAL WITH, YOU KNOW GUN IN THE FACE AND ALL, HARUNO MEET FOR A SECOND 8MAN AND SHIRO... WELL HE GOT HIS HANDS BUSY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, BETTER USE THIS M RATING AM I RIGHT?

NEXT TIME THE NIGHTMARE