Ambrosia

by AyaxRoses

'Love. To truly love, that was one of the only things in this world that would never die. Even if you wished it to. Subaru and Kamui had grown to understand this painfully well.' An alternative ending to the final battle and a future for Subaru and Kamui to be happy together. SubKam SubaruxKamui BL-Yaoi-Shounen-Ai Past Fuuma/Kamui.

32. Anemone

Chapter 32: Anemone

Symbolism: protection, love, healing

Summary: A chapter In which Kamui works to save Subaru from himself. He's doing all he can to prove his devotion and that his belief in Subaru being nothing but himself, nothing like beloved is nothing like his predecessor/ex-bf. A statement like this is an absolute fact to Kamui, but he may need some time and other perspectives to know what to do next.

Notes: Oh my goodness. Is it odd my heart aches to end this series, even though I can control writing the last few chapters? I still feel so many emotions. It is Bittersweet as I feel happy I've managed to write my longest story ever over the last two years(my favorite thing to work on -). I started in late 2020 when things were still so chaotic and have had a lot of life changes since then. So this story has helped me as having something consistent to work on and I feel happy writing for this pair and reading comments, seeing kudos makes my day! Part of me keeps wanting to continue forever and ever lol too but I also want to make sure I give a proper ending to the story and not go to a point where I have it hanging in hiatus for a long time (and hopefully not an X1999-level Hiatus). I still, maybe we will get new X style art or something as it's connected with Tokyo Babylon which has a premium edition.

I also plan an epilogue(s)? So the next part may be the end of the main story but not the final post! And I'm certain one-shot ideas and the like will come about for them ^_^ They are a couple so near and dear to my heart.

Thank you all for reading on this story's journey and I hope you enjoy the ending chapters and epilogues too! My heart has been stolen by SubKam for like over half my life sooo I am sure I will have the inspiration to make more for them-maybe one-shots or a collection of one-shots here and there.

---

Information

-One week earlier -

Kamui hesitates at the door of the elevator. His finger looms over and then presses the arrow button. He waits, grasping the strap of his school bag tightly.

'I'll only have so many months where I can make these regular visits… ' Kamui thinks to himself, bittersweet. Now he's visiting the office of the prestigious director, who had shown him and the other former seals so much kindness. A friendship formed with those in charge of CLAMP school alongside his classmates.

While he's certain they'd keep in touch… it wouldn't be quite the same. Not that he held regrets. Choosing his path came with a sense of certainty. Learning the art of Onmyou magic and working alongside the man he loves is what his heart desires. There is no other future that could possibly compare.

Finally, he was learning control, starting to feel he could really use his powers for good. He'd never have to feel alone, through it all.

'I want that future the most...' Kamui holds a tender smile over his lips. Imagining being at the side of his favorite person, and delving into his professional world. The smile falters a little, admiring the vivid and elegant spring decor, draped throughout the hallway. 'Of course, I will miss this place.'

Cherishing his remaining months at CLAMP school was a must. And more so than anything the relationships built within.

Diiing.

The soft noise emits, causing Kamui to break from his thoughts. He steps forward into the open door. Mind swarming with countless ideas towards his future… the changes… and back to the present. What he had come here for.

CLAMP school had been the first place Kamui found he could gain information and understand a little more about his late Aunt, and his family as a whole.

'The Magami Family' has been shrouded in mystery for so long, maybe the entirety of its existence. Even those who employed them were first sworn to secrecy, their lineage, history, powers, and unbridled devotion to their person…

Perhaps, it may never be entirely clear how deep the rabbit hole could go…

For Kamui, there was no certainty whether digging deeper would bring more clarity or questions. But a rare chance is given to talk to learn of a potential client… once connected with past members of the clan, he takes it.

Hopefully, some sense of closure can be brought about. Maybe enough to calm his lover, and thus his own nerves about danger lying…or potential family members still alive, lurking in the shadows.

"Hello," Kamui knocks quietly at the door of the office. He can hear Nokoru's jovial voice trailing off, and Suoh's frustrated groan and sighs.

"Come in, come in!" Nokoru exclaims happily, bolting to his feet suddenly. He as well as the entire board of directors had grown quite fond of their guest.

"There you go again," Suoh mumbles with some exasperation, collecting the fallen papers cast off when the cherry blond jolted up. Still, he doesn't hold off the tiny curl on his lips. With a pointed glare, he looks back at the cheery director. "Don't think this means getting out of paperwork later."

The blond cheerily grins. His assistant feels strains to growing headache. But just for a second before he waves it off. "It'll be fine, we still have all afternoon to finish filing."

His perturbed assistant rolls his eyes before coming to the door.

"Welcome, it's good to see you, Kamui," Suoh greets with a tender glint in his eyes. It was no secret Kamui had grown into a very cherished friend amongst many at CLAMP school.

Politely, the young student bows his head. "Ah, thank you so much for doing all of this."

"It's no problem at all," Nokoru chirps excited as he pops up from his desk, and approaches the favored student. "Of course, I always prefer our talks over your love story~" He teases, greatly amused by the inevitable blush on Kamui's cheeks. "But this is nice too!"

"Kaichou…" Suoh speaks the childhood term with a warning. His hand lays flat landing a karate chop lightly on the director's head.

Kamui shakes his head. "It's fine…" While flustering, he couldn't deny having a person to talk to, to hear out his worries and rambles regarding Subaru was helpful. "On the phone, you mentioned having new information?"

"That's right," Nokoru beams before waving over Kamui to take a seat across from him. "I've talked with a potential client, both in need of a house blessing and who has connections I think might help you."

"She's connected with the Magami family somehow?" Kamui asks quietly, finding the name still so distancing, despite being part of his bloodline.

"I'm certain she would be happy to meet with you both," Nokoru hands Kamui a small card with the woman's name and phone number scribbled on the front. "She was asking the Imonoyama family for someone available to give a proper house blessing. So it seems beneficial all around."

"It does…" Kamui agrees, gradually taking the business card. His mind swirled trying to make sense of how deeply connected Nokoru and his family truly were to everyone.

"And I have a feeling you and your boyfriend may gain some good insight," Nokoru beams, purposely emphasizing the relationship status the two shared. It was a regular occurrence, but it never stopped Kamui from flushing a deep pink shade. "This woman has knowledge of past elders from the clan and I am hoping you'll be able to learn more about your family from this."

"Thank you so much for doing this, " Kamui expresses, feeling a small light of hope through the dark void that came from his family's past. He lightly clasps his hands around that of his school director. The charismatic young man blinks, laughter and light filling his sky blue eyes.

"Aw~ I am happy to be of help, Kamui," Nokoru leans back into his desk, grasping for and opening a large white fan. The symbols for 'helpful' are written in a soft red, while it waves to cover the director's expressive features.

Kamui does admit, that the CLAMP director is rather 'pretty', and certainly could see why he's amassed such a fan club. He feels warmth and kindness behind the charismatic actions. The same would go for Suoh and Akira. The trio brought out quite a lot of attention whenever on campus together.

There's a charm towards all of the former boy detectives. Though he feels a warmth, his chest doesn't flutter, when he receives a gentle smile or word of praise from them, not as it does with Subaru.

Now, his mind returns to the present, catching the end of a light-hearted squabble between the director and his assistant.

"And here you are... Bragging, even though she was the one who sought us out her divinations telling someone from the clan was tied with our school," Suoh rolls his eyes, lightly berating the cheery director. The tidbit of information doesn't fully process Kamui's mind yet. It was enough to think he may be closer to gaining answers about his family's origins.

"Details, details~" Nokoru waves this off, grinning. "It's still good news I got to share."

"Ah…" Kamui draws the attention of the other males.

"Still, Thank you…so much to both of you. Akira too! You've all helped me a lot so…" Kamui expresses with pure sincerity. 'From my questions about Tokiko to worries over Subaru…you've helped more than you realize.' He bows his head down, eyes closed.

"I think we both agree, being able to see you grow…and help you however we can always be a pleasure for us," Nokoru's lips curl up, traces of gold highlighting the top of his head. Suoh nods at this, holding a similar, affection curve on his lips, gleaming in his eyes.

The feeling of going beyond 'simply' helping their world's savior-no- helping Kamui, as a person, a precious friend, brought out a sense of happiness, fulfillment, and worth.

After a breath, Nokoru's glossy blue eyes darken, lips falling to a flat line. "Though…Kamui, I do advise not going it alone…" Words fall out, deeper, more seriously.

"I…wasn't planning to," Kamui ensures, mind bemused at the thought of just telling his boyfriend he'd be 'going off alone to speak to someone who may have long-sought answers about the Magami clan,' like it were an errand run. Their world, not just as lovers, or former seals were intertwined, heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul. "Why?"

"I figured you wouldn't go alone anyway with the house blessing task at hand but still… It's good to be close to someone you care for. Sometimes hearing about the past can bring out painful realizations. There may be a lot to take in," Nokoru heaves a deep, sorrowful breath. Soon after, a comforting smile returns. "So having someone you love by you can help 'soften the blow', so to speak. I imagine you'll be taking your boyfriend along?"

"Well, yeah…Subaru…might feel a bit more at ease learning more of my origins…" Kamui admits, a little flustered realizing he'd gotten used to Subaru being referred to as such. Their lives and worlds were so interwoven, that being apart for something like that would bring distance. "Please, don't worry. I won't be alone."

'I haven't felt that way for some time now…and I plan on doing all I can to keep things this way… to always have Subaru want to be close to me… .'

---

Comfort

Present Day~

"Sometimes hearing about the past can bring out painful realizations. There may be a lot to take in." Familiar words echo through Kamui's mind. While past client visits gave him pieces of information on his family, and shadow sacrifices, this last job showed just how dire and hostile his relatives could be, even beyond the grave.

The danger and worries did come about from this last job, some from the spirits themselves but within was where the real storm took place.

A lapse and lack of control for an undesired power took over Subaru.

The dangerously sweet scent of cherry blossoms lingered in the air. Subaru closed in on himself balling up and, gazing off to the sky above. The emotion within felt chilling. An ache rushed through Kamui's heart.

"Subaru…" Kamui calls, leaning in closer, hands attempting to calm, caressing all along his lover's cheeks. "It's okay… you didn't do anything wrong."

As Kamui saw it, there were no lives lost innocent or otherwise. Spirits engulfed in their fury were unlikely to care to converse or seek a peaceful release to the afterlife.

"I'm still…. So Sorry…" Subaru spoke gravely, lost in the prison of his mind. "How could I…?" he clasps a hand over his mouth, to contain his shock and growing disappointment with himself. As far as he could see, doing anything- involving the Sakura's power, and using anything related to the one who betrayed him… had to be a sin. Rules he held up for himself, judgments he'd placed where one's he'd never dare hold to another. Yet, being hard even cruel to himself… he'd become an expert by now.

"Ahh, you're not listening!" Kamui grumbles in frustration. He's unsure if he wants to shake his lover out of it or press a painfully harsh kiss to his lips, whatever would bring him to the present.

'But I don't want to seem like I'm punishing him… or make him feel worse. ' Kamui's mind is lost within a series of internal conflicts.

This was Subaru…. Kamui could never talk to Subaru like he was just anyone else. He could, with a friend or classmate, 'snap them out of it' with blunt honesty telling them they were being ridiculous-foolish even to hold such judgments to themselves.

But acting or speaking like that would never feel remotely okay to Subaru. Not solely because they were lovers and that romantic connection. No, it was because he was… his precious Subaru. An immeasurable kind-hearted person who spent his lifetime helping others, living and deceased, trying to understand with judgment. But to himself… he was far too cruel. His Subaru, hyper Sensitive to the opinions of the few people he let in close to his heart. So, shaken and shattered inside. His beloved deserved nothing short of absolute compassion, love, and tenderness.

No, Kamui simply needed to bring his lover back to him, step by step. Heart, body, and soul.

"Subaru… come on," Kamui tries again, tone former, but the gentle curl on his lips always remains. An assurance that his main concern was to bring Subaru out of whatever… mental state he fell into. "Let's go home."

Subaru remained silent, expression passive aside from a split second - where his eyes shivered. Clearly haunted by ghosts of the past…

Considering how Subaru always listened to him before… this was an abnormality… more frustrating than he'd expected. A rarity he never wanted to get used to.

Even in the rare accounts they had their 'lover's quarrels', Subaru would at least say something first, maybe request he needed space to think or cool off before isolating himself.

But this… was… far too sudden. Not a conscious decision or feeling… Subaru was tearing up inside.

Kamui shakes his lover by the shoulders. His stomach sinks as he sees the light dim in his brilliant eyes. Orbs of once glittering gold and emerald, he spent hours gazing into.

'I know you never have wanted to use those powers… but you must know things are not the same. Our relationship is completely different. You are different…'

"Please… you have to understand… I don't know what it will take but… I will always keep trying until you can believe you are your own person," Kamui says in encouragement and diligence. A fire lit in violet eyes, clearly determined to keep trying and do all he can to help his love, even if it takes a lifetime.

Gently, Kamui brushes his fingertips, to just above his lover's forehead. Fingers fully dive into the expanse of black and green, calming soothing, and brushing any stray strands of hair from a beautiful face. "Subaru is Subaru, no one else… You are no one else, and the person I love."

Subaru does draw more attention back from those words, and soothing touches. Still…

"But I…" I became far too weak to lose control like that. He scolds himself.

"Subaru…" Kamui tries again, lips plush and lingering at his lover's cheek, right at the corner of his lips. The hand combing through his lover's hair trails down gently, resting at Subaru's neck.

"I never should have gotten to that point…" Subaru self-reprimands, again falling prisoner to his own heart. He knows fully well how powerful Kamui is, but the mere words, and intentions others held to 'sacrifice' the last Magami… left him completely helpless to his emotions… need to do anything and everything to ensure he could remove Kamui from the situation and promptly.

"You didn't do anything wrong…" Kamui again insists, firmly believing the words in his heart.

Subaru's eyes raised, unconvinced. "You give me too much credit," His laughs escape painfully at the notion being true. Shaking his head he proceeds. "I wanted to… free myself of that power inside… and those ties I held to him…"

Tone drowning in melancholy, he speaks, "But it looks like…" He points to himself, then the golden eye he possessed. "That was only wishful thinking…".

"That's not true at all!" Kamui shouts, uninhibited, and a wave of clear anger towards whatever doubts and inner demons convince his lover otherwise. "You have always been you, Subaru! You're the person I chose because you are Sumeragi Subaru and absolutely no one else!" A deepening blush springs out. "It's always been like this, you just haven't been able to see it…you are like no one else, and I really love that! So please… don't…." 'Don't do this to yourself…'

"You're too kind to me," Subaru perceives, holding a faint, pained smile. He heaves an all too heavy sigh, drowning in his feelings of regret… His gold-green eyes close into a painful wince. He asks, pointing to his dimming golden eye, "Hasn't this bothered you? "

'This part of me, that once belonged to Seishirou…'

Kamui's eyes raise, heart-aching… he can feel the fragility in his lover's words… as though one misspoken answer could shatter all that's healed over the years into tiny shards. He couldn't hesitate here and kept close to Subaru, their sides brushing lightly. Looking directly into green and the aforementioned golden eyes he voices directly from his heart.

"It's not like that," Kamui professes, breathing an exhale softly. "I mean… the first time I saw the change…. There was quite a lot more on my mind. The final battle and…" Violet-blue watery eyes shift downcast, whilst a beautiful face grimaces.

To know he brought out that memory… drives Subaru further into self-blame…

"When I first thought about it…well, I can't say I liked the idea of a physical part of him being bound to you, as though he were placing a claim on you … and it hurts to think you felt you deserved to lose your own eye in the first place."

"I thought so… " Subaru's eyes dim a little more, voice quieting further. His mind dismisses the main concern Kamui brings out, mistaking raw feelings of concern as those of lingering disapproval towards Subaru.…. As though Subaruwere at fault for his own pain and trauma… and struggling to let go of the past.

"Subaru…" Kamui hushes, he presses the tip of his finger to his lover's lips, keeping potentially deprecating thoughts from slipping.

Violet-blue eyes raise wildly. What really strikes Kamui, is the forced, twisted and bitter curl to fall over his lips. Subaru turns his head to the side, murmuring, "It's alright Kamui, I know I've brought this on myself-

"I'm not done yet!" Kamui stubbornly calls out, holding a hand flat out in front of his lover's face, blocking his lips from spouting more sorrow. There is far more pain shivering in violet eyes, than any other feeling.

"Please…" Kamii corrects his tone to a much gentler, compassionate one. "I didn't like the thought that man could always have a place with you, not by giving you this eye…but that reminder, he's a part of you, to be always in your heart above it all and…" A deep breath. The mention of Seishirou spat out like a poison, one he wished there was an absolute antidote for… to set his lover free. "I hated that thought… of him always in your heart and always having access to break it again and again… ." Kamui cries out, desperate, and clutching at his chest. He speaks of Subaru's former lover like a poison, while the rest of the words fall melancholic, with deep concern.

'You thought he'd always…' Subaru can't help but become taken back at the words, that trembling cry. It's not as though he hadn't had the same fear for nearly a decade of his lifetime. Kamui showed such confidence in their relationship, never holding the doubts and worries Subaru would express.

"But that's just my initial reaction when I first thought of it. You weren't even my lover then… but everything going on was so chaotic so seeing that reminder of your past… "

Kamui rapidly turns his head.

"Doesn't matter. My feelings on all that has changed as I really thought about it. I know you, Subaru. I trust your feelings towards me… I can't be petty enough to want an alternative where you suffer more, maybe even losing your sight, just because I couldn't accept things as they are! All that matters to me is you're okay! "

"Kamui…" Subaru murmurs, voice becoming more tender…starting to show more emotion, breaking open.

"If having the eye of the one you love offers you the chance in life to see the world, to not suffer… to not lose all sight, one day… then I am more than accepting of it," Kamui speaks with admittance, not focusing on his choice of words to start. He stirs, eyes brimming with a glossy emotion. "I want you to have everything, and to experience a happier life than ever before, with all of your senses." He takes hold of Subaru's hand connecting them once more.

"While this once belonged to him… ". Kamui proceeds, fingertip lightly tracing around the golden eyes, before cupping his lover's "It's a part of you. I can really see you, your heart, emotions… everything you may hide in your voice or behind a smile… I can see into you… in both of your eyes. And I… " The smaller male leans up on his tiptoes, stealing a sweet kiss before returning. "I know how I feel when I look into your eyes… there's no way I could feel that if they were still belonging to another."

'He may have been the vessel for that eye, but the soul inside…can only be you…'

"Kamui… you're too good for me…" Subaru squeezes the hand in his own, heart and mind still shaken up. Kamui is about to protest that remark but stops.

His mind was still storming with countless problems, but he couldn't let this one go. The absurdity Subaru held the capacity in his heart to love anyone other than Kamui now…after falling this hard… It was too much to ignore. "I'm relieved to know it doesn't hurt you, but there is one thing very wrong here."

"W-what?" Kamui questions, off guard. But with a proper verbal response, he can sense Subaru is starting to really hear him again. finding himself a little lighter as emotion continues to return into those dual-toned eyes.

"Love.- You had said- I possess the 'eye of the one I love…'" Subaru brings them back to an earlier statement.

"I guess that slipped…" Kamui flushes a little, wondering if this was entirely the case. Seishirou has had such a hold on Subaru for so long…perhaps there was still that side of him, the longing… and what-ifs.

"Maybe that was referring to the past me…but I want to make this clear." Even if he couldn't trust himself to be as 'good' of a person as Kamui claims, he knew exactly what he had been feeling. "The love I felt for Seishirou for so long was part of me…those feelings of love are tied to my past self." Subaru beckons Kamui to move closer, back into the embrace and holds him tight.

With a long-drawn-out breath, he professes the words that took nearly 10 years to become reality. "That version of me only exists in the past…"

"You are the only person I love, " Subaru protests the words with so much devotion and strength it makes Kamui shiver. "There is no one else...not even… " He takes a melancholic sigh, shaking his head. "The moment I realized I was in love with you… I had to protect you, I couldn't see things the same way… or perhaps I was finally seeing things clearly."

'Truly my heart is in no way capable of holding onto feeling such love in the past and present. ' When his heart decides on someone, it's inevitable. Whether he truly wanted to move on from Seishirou or to keep to such anguished love-he hadn't a chance to fight what emotions were blossoming. The power within Kamui was far too powerful to overcome.

"Subaru…"Kamui coos, voice quieting as he lays his head on his lover's chest. His temples brush against the coolness of his lover's top.

'You're always like this… helping me… Even when you are the one in pain.'

"I feel that same way," Kamui flustered. His lover's worried hands fell to his hips and tugged him closer. "You're my only one…"

A dazzling light begins to shine, bit by bit, in such shivering eyes. Subaru rests his chin on Kamui's head, breathing him in, closer. "My angel…" He hushes sweet words, unshed tears wishing for release, heartstrings tugged at brutally, enough to make breathing hard.

"I will always love you, there is no one else, " Kamui confesses, quiet murmurs falling from his lips, now partly muzzled in his lover's shirt. "That's how I know you're Subaru. If I thought you were anything like the man who hurt you before… or if you are anyone else… I know I wouldn't be able to feel like this."

"Kamui…" 'You hold so much faith in me…' Subaru further realizes just how deep this river runs between them. 'Even when I make these mistakes…'

The gentle professions sweep around the couple. They stay tightly in the embrace for a few soft moments. Looking into each other's eyes, their lips brush.

"Let's go home, okay?" Kamui offers lovingly, taking both his hands and encasing his lover's left hand within.

Subaru nods faintly at that, self-doubts still present... But calmed enough to return home… maybe see things clearly from there. He takes Kamui's hand, walking out the door, away from the darkness, and coming home.

---

- Sweet Tea-

Kamui proceeds to create a safe haven in his house for his lover. Making some sweet milk tea he peers from outside the kitchen, seeing his lover balled up on the couch, eyelids pressing to his knees.

"Subaru…" Kamui calls tenderly, voice lowering whisper-soft. He hurries his pace, rushing over to the couch, and managing to place the tray of tea on their table.

"I'm here with you…" The younger man assures, wrapping his arms around his lover's neck. Subaru takes a moment of hesitation… feeling nothing but warmth and safety… he indulges in offering kindness. He wraps his arms just under Kamui's chest, resting his head.

Subaru breathes in the scent, mumbling a few broken words, only Kamui could decipher.

"I love you too," Kamui professes with a dreamy smile, feeling every ounce of need as his lover holds him like a lifeline, so vulnerable. 'It's a bit… cute…' He can't help but think with slight guilt, especially as Subaru hugged him as his own teddy bear.

But of course, getting Subaru out of a negative headspace was priority #1.

Violet-blue eyes dart over towards the neglected tray on their table. Puffs of steam were rising from the freshly made drinks. A sweetened aroma of honey and vanilla swept through the room.

"I made us some tea," Kamui reminds his distraught boyfriend. He swallows, feeling familiar hands reach for him. "It-can help calm the… ah… n-nerves." His attempts to maintain a cool and calming demeanor wavered as Subaru's touch became more exploratory. The touch maintains the tender feathery caresses that epitomized the older lover. The sole 'problem' lies with skilled, affectionate hands draping down every inch of his body within reach. Fingers savored the feeling of Kamui's face, neck, and shoulders and trailed down to touch his chest, lingering over the heart space.

Subaru's caresses were soon always accompanied by tender kisses. So adoring… as if all the love inside him was bursting at the seams, only be expressed to Kamui. All of this leaving said (very flushed) boyfriend, to all but melt in the touch.

The young man's heart, mind, and body are seemingly powerless to take on the entirety of his lover's emotion. And Subaru loved deeply. Affections of this magnitude were reserved, solely for him. While overwhelming, Kamui took pride in, entangled in such deep emotions that ignited his own.

Subaru's lips followed up, leaving fluttery kisses where his hands left off. Hands slid down towards Kamui's core causing him to gasp. He realized quite early on in their relationship, that Subaru's touch, regardless of intent, had the potential to light a fire in him. Words became a struggle, his mouth going dry.

Thankfully, Subaru seemed to have a little awareness of his reactions, hands gently gliding over the most private regions and settling to brush upon his hips.

"Just… a few minutes?" Subaru voices, part light-heartedly yet the urge for attachment slips out like a plea.

"Of course," Kamui ensures, entirely charmed by the soft, almost shy voice exposed by the vulnerable state of his lover. The overwhelming devotion and desire to protect and keep safe took over all else. "As long as you like."

This action earned Kamui languid and adoring kisses on his neck.

"Ah," Kamui breathes out, biting his lip to keep himself in check.

Subaru breathes something between a soft exhale and a chuckle. His mind focused on clasping on his safe haven. Images from just an hour ago were still haunting… a part of his past he never wanted Kamui to see. Although, the world's savior had certainly seen some destructive illusions when he battled Seishirou.

And despite what his mind was telling him…Kamui hadn't voiced fear from witnessing the destructive cherry blossoms. No, his worries were solely about losing Subaru to a mysterious spell, being hurt, or drowning in guilt and sorrow memories could bring.

'Still, no matter what happens your concern falls to me,.' Subaru reflects, chest warming and mind hoping to understand. The person he loves deeply loves him… entirely devoted, passionate yet given so gently, easing his fractured heart. This was his reality…' 'And yet I'm still the one making you worry…when I only wanted to care for and protect you…'

"Subaru," Kamui murmurs, with a melodic voice. He's humming a soothing lullaby, holding his lover tighter. Soothing circles and patterns brush up and down his back. Tender lips press to the crown of the boyfriend's head. "You okay?" So gently, the words fly out, making Subaru squeeze his sides, and hips, before wrapping his arms around his figure completely. He holds Kamui's head to his heartbeat, embracing the smaller male until he flushed perfectly against his form.

"Yeah…" Subaru slowly gives an answer. A nod of the head and a weak curl springs on his lips.

"That's good," Kamui returns, voice weary, eyes uncertain but he doesn't push it further. Subaru nuzzles the side of his neck, breathing in Kamui's calming scent. He gasps, flustering. "Ah - y-you should try the tea before it's cold…"

Subaru hums in agreement, gradually giving his lover space to grab their drinks.

"I think you'll really like it," Kamui returns with a hopeful smile, uplifting his expression. He grasps the handle on one of the cups.

"You made it for me," Subaru replies with complete certainty. He took the offered cup, a sweet aroma is soothing. Before his lips press to the rim of the cup, they press forward to seal Kamui's mouth. "Thank you."

"You… should at least try it," Kamui reminds, eyes averting, entire face reddened and expression melting.

"I will," Subaru promises, fulfilling it quickly, as soon as those beautiful violet eyes turn his way. The golden rim of the teacup presses softly between his lips. He savors the sweet beverage, closing his eyes. The perfect blend of flavor and spices…. And something extra sweet about it, he was certain was due to it being brewed by Kamui. The soft hint of honey and vanilla, and the creamy complexion of milk give a pleasing feeling. Something nostalgic even…. Subaru's mind fills during his younger days in Kyoto, visiting the teahouses on some occasions, tasting such a similar sweetness.

"I learned this recipe from Akira…" Kamui insists, equally humble and flustered. "So it's not like I came with it … or anything."

Subaru shook his head, not willing to let this one go. He leans forward again, kissing Kamui's lips tenderly, purposely languid to receive a beautiful reaction. "Of course, the taste itself is very good on its own. But the sweetest part is entirely because of you."

"U-um, Subaru?"

"Which is why," Subaru licks his lips, spirit-lifting in, worries aside even if for the moment. He returns fully to their kiss, licking between the seam of Kamui's lips. "It tastes sweetest from your lips."

"Um… that's…" Kamui gazes into his cup, observing the growing red, burning his cheeks. Giving up on holding composure, he mumbles. "You're… biased…"

Subaru laughs lightly. "Perhaps, a bit… though it's still true. You're like nothing else, incredibly decadent," He purrs, indulging in the growing blushes and fluttering eyelashes. Gold and emerald eyes narrow, with a sparkle of mirth. "But, it won't be verified by anyone else….it's a sweetness only I can taste. "

"Of course," Kamui's lips raised, amused but given another feeling… This side of Subaru's protective nature brought out a very heated feeling. As though every inch of him were being swept up by the possessive aspect of his lover. Subaru hardly would ask for everything. He kept calm and accepted whatever was asked of him.

Of course, love was an entirely different story. Subaru was and is 1000 percent committed to his role of being Kamui's boyfriend. He wouldn't give that up for the world. Kamui couldn't help but feel a fluttering from that alone.

When his far too kind lover gave in, expressing something he can not do without. And being that something sends pleasant shivers down his spine. Kamui mentally chalks this side of his lover up on his list of indescribable turn-ons.

All the while, Subaru watches in admiration as his lover's beautiful expressions took place. The shades of pink and red upon creamy light cheeks paint an all too perfect picture.

Despite the hormones and desires simmering inside Kamui, they stay here. Subaru cups his lover's burning cheek, so tender, the expression so calm… peaceful.

"You should drink yours before it gets too cold," Subaru reminds him, so light and natural. As though he hadn't been heavily flirting with Kamui a moment ago.

"Right!" Kamui squeaks upon being snapped out of his fantasizing.

'It's probably best…'

They were playing with fire and a little more might rile them both to start something they can't finish properly.

While Kamui could see a little spark in wanton eyes, he senses and feels the exhaustion, mentally and physically. there was far more exhaustion surrounding it.

Kamui closes his eyes, taking a long soothing sip of his tea. Calming, they both needed to rest above all.

"Thank you, Kamui," Subaru murmurs softly, shifting their positions on the couch. The smaller male cuddled up on his lap, back to his lover's chest. "You're always…" He breaks off almost dreamily. "So good to me."

Before an utterance of "too good for me" or doubts fall, Kamui leans his head back and cradled the back of his boyfriend's head. Guiding them to lean into each other meeting for a sweet yet somewhat difficult upside-down kiss.

"So are you," Kamui finishes, returning to his tea and the calming atmosphere. He holds faith that at least for these moments they can have a comfortable silence before… more intrusive and unresolved worries return.

Moments pass… a blissful warmth surrounds them both as they take the last few sips of tea. Subaru cups a hand under Kamui's chin, turning him. He meets halfway, to connect their lips and savor the remnants of the sweet tea from Kamui's mouth. A tiny smile exchanges between them. Their mugs are brought to the side table. The smaller male snuggles his head beneath his lover's shoulder blade.

"I'll draw a bath for you…" Kamui offers, dotingly, rather pleased with his role of caring for his gentle love.

"You're not joining me?" Subaru's first response comes out a little dejected.

"Ah, well I just want… you to take it easy and relax…. Besides when we're together …" Kamui can't finish the obvious thought- 'We do a lot more…'.

"I'll still feel better if you join me," Subaru responds, expression hard to decipher, though the small curl on his lips shows he's alright. He truly needs Kamui with him, closely intimate.

Though being honest, he scratches at his pinkening cheek. "Although, I might not have the energy to do everything we usually do when-"

"That's fine-" Kamui squeaks, to stop the more descriptive words that could follow. His heart raced up again. His own growing blush blooming on his cheeks. "We… should just relax."

"Alright," Subaru smiles with a sense of calm. Kamui is the first to hop off the couch, off his lover's lap, and free him.

Subaru gets on his feet next and leans down slightly. Arms wrap under the smaller male's knees and waist.

"A-ah!" Kamui gasps with surprise, finding his sense of gravity changing. His hands subconsciously clung to his lover's shirt. A familiar fluster comes over him, being carried bridal style. "I um… can walk…"

"I know. I just… wanted to." Subaru returns, content yet a little bit abashed. Holding his source of light and love entirely… brings a feeling of assurance and comfort.

"Okay then…" Kamui nods, hiding his face slightly from his lover's shirt. More snuggly he wraps his arms around Subaru's neck. "I'll accept it~"

The playful tone earns Kamui a deep kiss, with hands squeezing at his waist and under his thighs.

While mostly innocent, there are a few passionate kisses exchanged. Something about the steam of the shower brought on an enticing emotion the second they stepped in. Lips over lips, tongues entangled, and bodies pressed as close as can be.

The movements stay slow and careful. Kamui presents an enticing offer, "I can wash you." His hands grasp for body wash and a warm cloth hanging on the side stall.

"I'll do the same for you then," Subaru ensures equally sweet. Doting, affectionate, and throughout, Kamui lathers his lover's back and shoulders. Next, he moves lower, skimming down over his lover's backside and calves before turning.

Subaru pulls Kamui in close before he can continue his work from the front.

He whispers a few sweet words directly into Kamui's ear. Then pressing a kiss on Kamui's neck. "I will always need you." He professes, a sense of vulnerability.

"I'll always be here," Kamui emphasizes with a kiss, hands, and washcloth on Subaru's chest. Gradually, he finishes washing his lover, shyly working quicker when glossing over certain regions of his lover's body.

Subaru smiles, hugging his love close before fulfilling the promise of washing Kamui in turn. Soft, intimate, and at times a little ticklish but they make it through and to the bathtub calmly enough.

Subaru lays back within the tub. Kamui sits between his lover's legs and leans into a warm chest.

Arms surround Kamui's middle, keeping him close from behind. He moves his head falling beside Kamui's neck, eyes hurried there.

"Thank you," Subaru expresses, a gentle kiss on the shoulder. "I just… need you like this…. For a little while."

Kamui hums with acceptance, and simply indulges in the surrounding heat. He leans his neck to the side, giving his lover room as they keep close. For as long as needed.

---

Rest

Returning to their bedroom. Kamui lies back on the mattress, propped up by a few pillows. Soothingly, he threads his fingers through his lover's silky black hair.

Subaru lies down diagonally, feet near the end of the mattress. His head rests between Kamui's lap and stomach, nestled there.

Subaru breathes in, rearing his eyes against his lover's legs. "I still…am s-"

"Please, don't apologize!" Kamui cut in, certainly knowing his lover would be hung up on this. But still, because they had a nice moment it made it even more saddening to see things revert.

Subaru kept his gaze and with that expression hidden. Nevertheless, Kamui could feel the tension and growing anxiety, his lover's mind replaying the moment over and over again.

"Please, I'm not… upset," Kamui proceeds, apologetic and guilty. The way his older lover clung to him now, reminds him of a lost whimpering puppy. "Not with you, my Subaru. I just don't like to hear you talk down to yourself… or feel you need to give an apology."

"Kamui…"

"You protected me after all," Kamui proceeds to slip his fingers in further, rubbing circles upon the scalp. The motion continues, as Subaru releases a melancholic sigh.

"Kamui…" His exhales fall shakily. Too drained to look right back up, he settles for nuzzling the side of his head to his lover's lap. "I… that method of magic I used… it's not one I should have ever used- especially as a Sumeragi. It's far from a peaceful release to the afterlife… if they were just innocent spirits then I'd be..."

"But they weren't innocent!" Kamui yelps out again, heart seeming to take over his actions. He flushes at the abruptness. "…. I mean I know I'm still learning about Onmyou magic… but wasn't the end goal the same… exorcising the spirits from a realm where they could hurt others?"

"Perhaps…"

"And who knows… maybe now that they've crossed over they can feel free from all that rage they kept holding to…" For who knows how long… Whilst Kamui couldn't say he could be fully sympathetic with those who tried to harm his beloved… he did understand the burden that could come from holding on to such tempered feelings for so long.

"I suppose...That is possible…" Subaru concedes. Even the most prestigious masters of the spiritual arts, couldn't say they understood or knew everything of the spirit realm… every soul had its own journey and process to the afterlife. "Of course, it's just like you."

Kamui blinks, finding his toes curl at the dangerously sweet tone. "W-What?"

"You're somehow able to… take my worries and self-doubt… see them in a new light. One that feels… hopeful." Subaru expresses an endearing curl falling to his lips, he presses his lips to Kamui's stomach and grasps his hand.

"Ah… Maybe…" Kamui flustered, turning his head to the right. Beautiful eyes flutter open to look up and admire the sight. "I don't consider myself to be or have been really… optimistic…" Definitely not with the fate he was dealt. "But I… When it comes to you, and what bothers you… I suppose…" His lips curl, lifting his cheeks. "I can't help it."

Subaru takes the words with a sense of warmth and pride. He pulls their joined hand towards him, cuddling Kamui's cheek. Gently, lips linger on the back of his hand. With a gentle release, he stretches his arm out, the same hand now resting on the back of Kamui's head.

"You're perfect." Subaru praises, unwavering a clear sign he was far too deep. Guiding his lover to lean his head down, Subaru leans up, meeting him, just enough to connect their lips. "I love you, so so much."

"And I love you too," Kamui coos, so tender and intimately soft. His warm breath teases Subaru's lips. "All of you."

"That can be a lot…" Subaru expresses softly, with a pang of remorse.

Kamui wouldn't have it, shaking his head in vehement disagreement. "That's not true!"

Subaru was complex certainly but far from the burdensome tone he hints to.

A full-proof method follows, Kamui seals his boyfriend's lips with his own, shut, soft yet unrelenting. At least until Subaru breaks out of it enough to kiss back

"I know the real Subaru… just how wonderful you truly are… like no one else," Kamui fondly professes. 'And nothing like the man who broke your heart… '-He implies, but saves the thought, knowing just the mention of the former love-interest could bring the mood down.

"You're not 'a lot' Subaru…not in the way you're thinking," Kamui proceeds, keeping full eye contact. "But you are everything."

"My Kamui…" Subaru's whisper turns to a coo, voice trailing on a little breathless.

With a sense of growing hope, their lips meet again very slow, unhurried, and sweet. As Kamui's lips stretch out to release a wide yawn, his lover laughs. The sensation feels all too sweet.

"Let's get some sleep," Subaru offers, the yawning suddenly becoming contagious.

"Mmmn. Okay…"Kamui agrees readily. Looking sternly into beautiful gold and emerald orbs, he asks."If you need to talk more… or can't sleep… get me up too okay?"

"Okay…" Subaru agrees to the task, a bit reluctantly. "Do the same for me, if you need anything?"

Kamui responds with an affirmative kiss on his lover's cheeks than lips.

With a little shift up and under the covers, they soon become tangled legs intertwined, and bodies flushed as closely as possible. Kamui nuzzles his head to his lover's chest, lulling him to sleep.

"Night…" He expresses before giving in to the need for rest.

"Good night," Subaru returns, gently, hugging Kamui's body even tighter to him.

"I need you, Kamui…" Subaru expresses upon seeing beautiful violet-blue orbs come to a slow close. "More than I can say.."

'And that's why I need to make sure I have a hold of myself… and this curse. I'll do whatever I need to protect your smile. To protect the life we have, together.'

And most of all to prove Kamui right, to love and cherish his absolute angel for a lifetime. He could never let himself become like Seishirou…

---

Distancing

Insecurities were still lingering, amongst the fears.

'I won't become him!" Subaru would revolt, as intrusive thoughts continued to torment him. Nightmares become more detailed, having used that power for the first time. Being on the other side, he could feel the pull to rely on, and rather indulge in the Sakura's power.

'Had these powers drawn you in? Or had they followed your natural desire to kill, give more sacrifices…'

Subaru's mind drifts to his predecessor. Endless questions yet no real way for an answer.

Seishirou seemed rather satisfied with the pain inflicted. A trait Subaru was thankful had strayed far from his psyche. His conscience was in full working order, often overtime when it came to his personal actions.

'I have no desire to cause you pain, Kamui…' Subaru glances back through the slit of the door. One which always remained open that bit. A simple and gentle reminder his lover could always come through, never to feel shut out. His subconscious already did quite enough of that. Far too many walls were up, all crumbling when confronted with his beloved.

'Completely the opposite.' Subaru steals a glance at his lover, sitting at the living table, with textbooks spread out all over. The younger man reaches his hand out to grasp for a pencil, which their cat has stubbornly turned into her play toy.

'I can't lose this life we've built… it's far too precious.' The intense devotion to protecting their world together… leads him to be all too vigilant about his own actions. He wanted to see a similar scene play out, years from now, decades, for them to always have a sense of home. There were some things he couldn't afford to lose.

'I could never be alright hurting you.' So long as he remained who he was now, he was certain, he'd die inside having to do so.

'So why were you okay to torment me then? If you really felt that' What lead Seishirou from torturing him with no reluctance to sacrificing himself aside

Perhaps despite all the pain… death was something he couldn't cope with. Not when he held his own…twisted way of love for them. A love that made it acceptable to cause harm, and immeasurable pain but always kept him alive.

His past love and tormentor never seemed to vanish from his wandering thoughts. 'A part of me thought I may understand you more… but it seems it's quite the opposite…'

If anything, using that power only amplified the emotions to protect, and keep Kamui close and put an end to whatever danger was faced as soon as possible.

But perhaps this was for the best. The further he remained from becoming like his former love the better, for Kamui and himself.

Unfortunately, Subaru's awareness of his worrying actions was strained at best. His mind and heart had to keep relearning it was safe, and essential to let someone in. That keeping it all inside could only cause pain for them both.

"Um, Subaru?" Kamui calls out, a little timidly. The sound makes Subaru wince.

'I shouldn't be the one causing that… ' All those worries. And yet he couldn't bring himself to let everything go. He needed a sense of control back… an assurance he was still Subaru.

"Are you still reading those?" Kamui looms by the door frame.

"I'm ah…yeah…" Subaru stumbles over his words. He had been… before a few moments? ago where his mind drifts... There was no use in telling a partial lie, Kamui gazed into his eyes, unwavering. "Kind of…"

Subaru reveals a hefty stack of papers, a few he had been sifting by idly.

The documents appear from the city regarding paranormal cases around landmarks in Tokyo.

"Can I help you with them?" Kamui offers, hands pressing to the desk, he leans over. Amongst those papers are a few news articles… dated several years back.

'Victims to the cherry tree?' one article reads out, with a subtitle adding- 'University students now missing… .'

More positively, One paper dated from last year's headlines: 'A time of peace: Missing person cases dropping dramatically since last year around the prefecture.'

Another article was marked up, with the most recent date. 'A miracle of winter? Reported Sakura tree blossoming.' The supposed image of said Cherry Tree is displayed below, with pages full of text.

"Ah… no sorry…this is something I need to deal with myself," Subaru excuses, clearing his throat a little. He can feel a more prying gaze on him, though Kamui doesn't press him.

"Because," Kamui fights to squeeze at his chest. "Does it have to do with Sakurazukamori?"

"That's…" Subaru startles, dropping the papers in hand and to his lap. He glances towards him, eyes watery, apologetic.

"I didn't know you kept all these…" Kamui responds, thumbing through the articles. He frowns, unable to hide the distaste with his narrowing gaze. Though the emotion sprang from the oldest article in the bunch… One from the past… when Subaru was still tormented searching endlessly for his former love. "Not that you have to get rid of everything…. I just don't like to see, you look pained."

"It's not something I make a habit of keeping," Subaru reassures, taking his hand and placing it over his lover's. Not anymore. "I threw away more of these than I count… " He admits not quite wanting to indulge how obsessed he had become with any even minor lead on Seishirou. "But it shows how hard it is to get rid of the past…"

"Subaru…" Kamui soothes, voice whispers, melancholic. His thumb brushes over the side of his boyfriend's hand, forming little circles.

"Please don't worry. There's no room in my heart for that anymore," Subaru ensures, gazing directly into two worried violet eyes. "All of my love now and in our future lies with you. Only you, Kamui."

"I…I know…" Kamui attempts to brush things off coolly, to remain as calm and natural as his lover had been spouting the words, to calm his raging heart. He could not fight how happy the words sent him. Subaru didn't speak of Seishirou in the way they had when they first met… the longing and agony desperately grasping for his wish no longer remained. The shift from the initial 'the person I fell in love with' to 'the one I loved' was monumental, miraculous even.

"I only want to make sure I'm not making the same mistakes…" Subaru reveals, at last, how he'd been feeling.

"One thing's for sure," Boldly, Kamui grasps a handful of articles, scrunching them up between fingers. His hand crumbles the article into a ball before recklessly tossing them to the floor.

"K-Kamui?" Subaru gasps, blinking as he looks between his lover and the crumbled-up article.

"You don't need any of these to make sure of that. Please…" Kamui leans forward and lowers his head. His dark locks of hair waterfall over his face, shielding his expression. "I'll keep making sure… you realize how wonderful you are…so trust me… and yourself a little more." 'Don't haunt yourself with the past anymore… '

"Ka-" Swiftly the younger man lunges forward. Arms extended he wraps them swiftly around Subaru's shoulders. His hands rested on the back of his beloved's head and neck.

With a nonstop pace, his leg bends, resting between Subaru's legs, supporting him. Kamui presses as close and tight as possible to his lover's form.

Soft yet insistent lips take their claim. Kamui brings his lover into a firm kiss, not waiting for a second to hesitate, deepening this further, connecting. His lips curl upon feeling his lover press back.

Only when they're breathless does Kamui relent. He murmurs, resting their foreheads together. "Please… try to be kinder to yourself."

"I… will try…" Subaru ensures only what he can truly promise. His natural instincts begin taking over, as he squeezes a hand towards Kamui's hips, bringing both legs to straddle him.

The smaller man can't help but purr, feeling the spontaneous motion. 'You must know I'm yours…' This thought heats him up, feeling slightly possessive and claiming his lover keeps on his hips.

Kamui can't help but do much of the same, hands caressing and exploring his lover's shoulders and chest. The touch is still staggeringly warm even through their clothes.

"And just so it's clear, there's no chance I'd have fallen this hard for you…" He whispers, words pressing to his lover's neck. "If you were anyone but yourself… " He wisely chooses to leave out the snarky 'There's no chance in hell… If you were anything like your ex' not wishing to ruin the moment.

"It's the same for me…" Subaru returns gently, arms looping around the petite form. He pulls Kamui close. "It can only be you just as you are."

Kamui's eyes glaze over, glimmering. He gazes into his lover's eyes all too dreamily. "You're way too good at that…"

"What?"

"At making me melt…"

Kamui proceeds to follow up his words, sinking and melting further into the embrace.

"I'm glad," Subaru admits, feeling a stir of confidence from those words. "And I can promise you… I will keep trying…to be that person worthy of your love."

"You're already that person," Kamui assures, tone lightening and flirtatious. As far as words could go, he knew there was a point where touch became key for them to communicate. He combs his fingers through Subaru's hair. Whispering directly into his ears, Kamui takes a soft breath, "My Sweetheart, Subaru."

Immediately he feels his lover shifting under him, fingers digging into his sides more firmly. His dual-colored eyes widened at the unexpected notion.

"Ca-can you say that again?" Subaru stutters, heart, having been mercilessly struck with no warning. As soon as his heart can start to cool down, his opened lips pressed together curving up hopelessly, gone.

"Ah but I…" 'I spent days working up the nerve to say that once.' 'Kamui burns a deep red but relents. He can only do so much against the soft' puppy eyes' directed his way. "… s-sweetheart…" His lips whisper tenderly.

"Once more?" Subaru requests, hopeless as he leaves kisses across a burning face. He cradles the side of Kamui's cheek right into his hand. The younger male shifts his gaze to the floor beneath them.

"My…" Kamui takes a breath determined to not stutter. Violet-blue eyes turn, alluringly back to Subaru's face, eyeing his lips. "My Sweetheart."

The words so earnest, yet abashed…Subaru found himself drinking from an elixir in life he would never get enough of. Kamui certainly didn't have to use any of those pet names… but since hearing them… he only wanted to hear more and more…

"Maybe one or like… five more times?" Subaru pleads, lost in a sense of bliss. He fails to hide his desirous nature for a second.

"F-five!?"

"Maybe more…" If he's being truly honest, giving in to the chance to give in to his indulgences.

"Aww… come on…" Kamui grumbles, sinking forward. He buried his face against Subaru's neck, feeling the motion as he chuckled. That was enough embarrassment for now.

Hands brush behind Kamui's head, and his lower back. The smaller male is pulled snuggly, protective close.

"I'm sorry," Subaru begins sounding anything but. "You're… just too cute." He professes, shamelessly, lips dripping the words sweetly, adoring.

Those glossy, enchanting violet-blue orbs only stir him further.

"Subaru…" Kamui breathes, a little shyly, but still rather content.

'I definitely need to bring you into my family…' Subaru ensures, not dwelling on the details, simply knowing the desired end goal. There was no doubt about it, he couldn't see a future otherwise. He needed Kamui to be with him, to be a part of his world, for their lives to be intertwined in every way possible. 'I want to give you everything…'

"If you need me I'll always be here," Kamui vows, ensuring his love. To further clarify, he glances back up, seeing enamored gold and emerald orbs. "I know things have been hard… since… but I want to help."

"You already do," Subaru assures, returning to an innocent exchange of kisses between their embrace.

"If you are still swamped with work…" Kamui returns to the pile of files on his lover's desk. "I can help."

"Only… if you want to, " Subaru places no pressure on the matter. The beaming smile Kamui display gives his answer.

"If you want you could lay your head in my lap" Kamui offers a perfect temptation. "… I'll read them to you."

"Yes…" Subaru agrees helplessly, drowning in this amorous emotion, certain he entered heaven.

For the evening, Subaru gives into his heart, cuddling Kamui close, forgoing his worries… or more so choosing to believe more in his lover's words, in himself.

---

Weakened.

Understandably, Subaru was not one to resolve his problems easily or quickly. Many tied so very close to his heart. He never did learn to turn that off, always being swayed and guided by every beat.

Truly, it was not until Kamui, that he even resolved his problems at all. So he found himself returning to the root of his current worries.

Another day finished with his required tasks, bless the house, put up barriers, talk with and exorcise the spirit. Still, he kept returning here… to the enchanting, deadly Sakura tree.

Placing his hand on the trunk, he searches for any changes in energy. Closing his eyes, he whispers a soft chant, tuning his mind to 'communicate' with the flowering miracle amongst the nature surrounding.

Reverberating, the very essence of life emits. A calming light surrounded the tree, branches, petals, and all.

'Nothings changed… that's good.' Subaru breathes with a sigh of relief. The Sakura's temperament stayed stable, seeming quite content with the spiritual sacrifices, not pulling towards any living victims.

'I'll never be able to thank you enough…' Subaru reflects that his lover is always close in heart and mind. 'Without your kekkai, this world… this curse inside… would be far more twisted.'

Surely, he'd be at least guided and tempted to take on more heinous tasks otherwise.

"Looks like things are stable here..." There is a relief. So long as he doesn't 'slip up' again, his relationship with the Sakura tree and these strange powers should remain stable.

Briing Briing. The chirping ring of his cell phone sounds off. Seeing the sender's name, his eyes immediately light up.

'I got back from class a little early! So I have dinner ready for us when you come back. Don't work yourself too hard.'

Subaru's gentle-hearted eyes gloss over with bliss at the message, turning back home, responding with a simple yet effective 'I love you. '

Such a feeling is more than enough to guide him on the trip home. Turning the doorknob, he looks in to see a heartwarming scene. Kamui cuddled up on the couch, hair draped over the pillow, with their little feline curled up by his legs.

There's one other little factor, that makes him lose his breath. The coat he left behind this morning… due to the warmed weather, is being cradled. Kamui, adoringly holds his boyfriend's coat up to his face, nuzzling it, as he states off towards the Television.

"I'm home," Subaru greets adoringly, voice all too smitten to hide for a second.

"I-oh," Kamui yelps a little from his spot on the couch. A tiny blush sports, but he's far too happy to care. "Welcome home!" He greets sitting up and rising to his feet.

"I missed you," Kamui mentions, closing distance in no time. His arms wrap snugly around his lover. Subaru leans down, stealing a welcoming kiss.

"I missed you too," Subaru responds in turn, kissing his lover's forehead, nose, cheeks, and lips once more.

"I have our dinner ready, I think you'll really like it," Kamui ensures, gesturing to the table with a sense of pride.

They enjoy these lovely moments…

But there still is that something feeling off. Kamui can sense there's still a sea of doubts plaguing his lover.

Right after dinner, and after cleaning up, Subaru excuses himself, seeking 'alone time.'

"Are you… alright?"

"Yeah…" Subaru keeps himself closed up. He's seeming joyous indulging in their couple time. Yet, after every enjoyable moment-Subaru retreats a painful shiver of his eyes, a downward curve to his lips. "I'll be out soon…"

Kamui eyes his lover heading towards their office space. A place used far more often than usual. A place where Subaru kept to himself and doubted himself. "Are you worried about-"

"I just need to take care of a few things…" Subaru interjects a pained tone to his voice, as he. Seeking solace in the office, hoping to meditate and clear the worries from his mind.

The door keeps open just a bit… but Kamui knows his lover may need time to himself for a while… to sort things out. So he waits, hand clutching to his chest.

'If he doesn't want to open up about this… then is there nothing I can do to help?'

The doubt in Subaru's mind and fear remained.

After heading to bed, it appears sleep remains no place of escape.

Subaru's nightmares pile on over the nights, each with the dangerously beautiful petals surrounding whatever sacrifice was to be made. All this power from him, yet feeling so out of control. Then… Kamui appears, walking hesitantly towards the tree reaching for him and -

"Kamui!" Subaru shouts, bolting up from his bed and stirring his lover.

"It was a nightmare," Kamui begins consoling his lover, cradling the weary head to his chest. "I'm right here with you…"

Subaru nods, hesitating before attempting to fall back asleep. Maybe, this will be the last one…the hopeful thought repeats over and over again. Yet, Kamui feels a hand clutching tightly at his pajamas.

"N-no…" Subaru cries, whimpering, still lost within a dream.

Kamui feels warm teardrops staining his nightshirt. At the time he is determined to make a change.

---

Solutions

With his dilemma, Kamui had a circle of friends he felt comfortable with. Getting some insight on how to break Subaru out of this spiraling state of mind.

It was troubling…

Being the friend closest to his schedule during the day… he went to Yuzuriha. Classes just got out and it was easy enough to make way to the dorms.

The event was one thing on its own… but Yuzuriha had the idea of staying on the phone with Arashi, instead of calling back, so she could remain part of their little friend group.

Kamui suspected she enjoyed having another friend to hear her ramble on about love, and teasing Kamui whenever possible. Arashi was certainly not the type to join in with Yuzuriha's light teasing, but whenever she visited or called up, she did feel a little brighter in the younger girl's presence. The two had become close. Yuzuriha had kept close ties to all the former seals, and a certain dragon of earth. That was an admirable quality

"Oh, you have company?" Arashi's voice chimes through the speaker.

"Oh, yeah Kamui is here!~" She responds with a cheery voice.

"It's not much… I was just going to ask Yuzuriha for some ideas on cheering someone up." Kamui kept it purposefully simple, vague wording but they all knew he could only be talking about one person.

It certainly didn't feel even remotely appropriate to ramble on about or seek relationship advice from one still grieving the love of their life. Seeing Arashi brought out pangs of guilt and doubt for not saving Sorata.

Kamui despite his daunting trials and traumas in life… was in a fairly good place with his important person. Not perfect but they were okay. He held faith Subaru would open up soon. Of course, seeing Subaru so closed up, berating himself…for even a moment… he was just too precious to Kamui.

"Oh, I see…" Arashi spoke, seemingly at a loss. The topic is far from her expertise, her heart still learning how to feel, and see the beauty in the world around her.

Yuzuriha had done most of the talking, as per usual. At the least, this saved me from the awkward tension. Kamui could just feel a slip of a smile on Arashi's lips as Yuzuriha started her enthusiastic rants.

Truly, their friend had a power that went far behind that of the end of the world.

The former priestess commented here and there, with words of hope and assurance. 'I'm sure you'll find a way to help Sumeragi by being there and staying by his side…" She pauses for a few seconds, "And well, from what I've seen You're the one that reaches him. It can only be you he'll open up to in time. I think.. being close to him will help."

She had kindly said preparing her to leave on the call.

"Yep! She's right, you know he is crazy about you," Yuzuriha sings with a peppy chirp. Kamui glares lightly at the overly cheery girl.

"Yes, well, unfortunately, it's about time I should get going," Arashi begins excusing herself, not offering a reason… but perhaps the topic was a little draining.

"It was ah…nice to talk to you again," Kamui mentions, voice a little shaky, awkward. He never found the right words to say, guilt and pangs of sadness creeping in when he talks with the former shrine maiden. "Thank you."

"Ah, thank you?" Arashi questions, a little frazzled. "But I didn't really do anything that could have really helped."

"That's not true." Kamui shakes his head, hoping the warmth in his voice can express his gratitude. "I appreciate you for listening and your words. The thought that I can help him by being beside him…" If they weren't the closest, he could feel the support and kindness towards him and his happiness. "Really makes me happy."

"If saying that helped you…then I am glad," Arashi responds, quietly and humbly. A few moments pass by, simply enjoying a comforting atmosphere. "Well, then. Take care."

"We will talk again soon!" Yuzuriha's cheery voice breaks out, in great contrast to the older girl. "I promise."

"I'm sure," Arashi says with a laugh before ending the call. "Goodbye."

While Arashi retreats from their conversation, Kamui holds the feeling he's been dragged into the lion's den.

Surprisingly, she doesn't turn the chat into a gossipy talk over relationships. There's sincerity and optimism. She turned back to her friend, grinning, "You'll be the one to bring him back for sure! Aww, and you two should come together for more of the campus festivals. I think you will both have a lot of fun!"

"I… Thanks?" Kamui returned awkwardly, scratching at his cheek. "A change of scenery might be good."

Unfortunately for Kamui. Yuzuriha's favorite topic was love. She didn't hold back any further, fully embarrassing him. Starry-eyed and dreamy, she speaks everything on her mind regarding the couple.

"You two must be bound by fate," Yuzuriha sighs, dreamily. Her eyes glitter with stars. "No, I'm absolutely positive, you two are soulmates!" She squeals with absolute delight. "And I hope my soulmate is…" She places both hands on her cheeks, unable to finish her thought. Giddiness spreads through her series of indecipherable words and laughter.

'Soulmates' Kamui ponders, the word striking at his core. While the idea streamed through his consciousness, he never allowed himself to dwell on it. Or hope further. Insecurities and fears wondering…if he could say that.

Fate had hardly been associated with concepts of hope and kindness.

Yet, this fated term struck a different correction. Fate tying them together lit a spark within Kamui. An assurance, a power beyond either of them, was helping to guide and bind them together.

But a problem lies…

'Even if he believed they were fated to be…how would Subaru feel?'

Kamui had no doubt his boyfriend loved him deeply. But the subject of fate and soulmates. 'Would you believe in such a fate? Or do you feel that ma- that..Seishirou pained and fated pair?'

A soulmate, bound by the red string of fate, doomed to end in tragedy. A red string forcibly severed with no say in the matter.

'Maybe the thought of soulmates…would bring him pain.'

If Kamui were, to be honest, and speak from the heart he knew of his own feelings towards the concept. 'I had before thought Fuuma was my soulmate…' The fact Kamui did all he could to keep his distance, returning to Tokyo, and how right he felt letting Fuuma hold him again, promise to protect him…

For a short time, he believed or wanted to believe…love would conquer all. Fate had crushed that hope within a matter of days.

'But now…I couldn't dream of being bound to anyone else.-' This was 'just' a feeling but a strong one he held to. 'If I have a soulmate…it could only be Subaru.'

A revelation of a positive sign of fate should feel good, maybe even euphoric.

But this crushing thought…pervaded.

'Would Subaru even feel the same as I do? Or does he still hold that tie to him even beyond the grave…?' He knows Subaru loves him immensely.

Maybe that didn't matter, but not being everything he could to Subaru still hurts…pangs of rejection.

"Kamui?" Yuzuriha's kindly voice breaks him from his mind's dwellings. A frown falls over her lips, she voices concern, eyebrows knitting. "Are you alright? Should I call Subaru?"

Kamui blinked in surprise, coming back to reality. Processing this he shook his head, a light laugh escaping. It appears Subaru had become the go source of comfort when Kamui was distraught. It wasn't inaccurate.

'It doesn't matter what title we have, so long as we can be happy together. ' Kamui reasons with himself, shelving the topic for another day.

A curl fell over his lips. A more pleasant thought took over him. He knew if Subaru even had a second of time available between jobs, he'd answered the phone. It was so easy to picture, Subaru scrambling for the phone the second he recognized the call from Kamui…only to shower him with words of affection, love, and assurance.

"I'll be alright, just lost in thought," Kamui says, eyes and voice becoming lighter.

"I bet that last thought was about your boyfriend~" Yuzuriha chirps in a sing-song voice. Cheekily, she grins, the back of her palms meeting under her chin, hands framing her face.

"Well…yeah…" Kamui admits, that finding denying would only make things that much more fluttering. "We were talking about him…so of course, it makes sense that…"

Kamui leans back in his seat. Shifting away, as Yuzuriha appears to close for comfort, her Chesire cat smile only grows as she watches her friend's reactions.

She leans back, with a giggle before responding. "Your expressions when you think of him, are so cute~!" She further chimes, clapping her hands together. "I can see you have hearts in your eyes."

Kamui waves a hand out in front of his face. He curves his hand, swatting the space between to get distance from his boisterous friend.

"I do not, " Kamui grumbles, unconvincing even to himself. It wasn't a physical possibility, though if it was… he shakes his head, and shakes away the thoughts. "That's not even physically possible anyway and if it were I'd still-what?" He pauses mid-thought before turning to his friend. Tears well up in her eyes as her smile seems ready to erupt in laughter.

And so it does. "Oh ahhh,-ha ha-" She pauses for a breath, wiping at her eye. "My gosh, Kamui!" Yuzuriha bursts out into a fit of giggles. She doesn't even try to conceal it. "It's written all over your face.'"

"What is?" Kamui asks very warily, dreading the answer.

"Just how deeply you feel for your beloved Subaru!" She explains briefly before breaking out into even more giggles, growing almost uncontrollably. "You have it really bad, when you're thinking of him, you get this look like-"

Yuzuriha imitates a shy curl beside her slightly pouty lips. Her eyes open wide and sparkle, batting her lashes in a dramatic fashion.

"It's so cute!"Her finger pointed accusingly, to the large splash of red on her friend's cheeks.

"You looooooooove him~" She teases the words in a sing-song voice.

"It's not cute," Kamui grumbles, more under his breath, than anything. "Besides, of course, I love him…" He finds no reason for denying the obvious emotion. Admitting even to himself just how far gone he truly was when it came to Subaru was another story.

"Subaru is my," A pause, my protector? My partner? My boyfriend? My lover? Or even… my future spouse? Felt to be an inevitable truth. Subaru held countless roles, among being the eternal keeper of his heart. Could he consider him a soulmate as well?

"Everything to me…" Kamui finishes with the words, and an overwhelming flood of emotions tightens in his chest. To feel this deeply… 'What else could this be?' A connection between twin flames, two bonded spirits.

Yuzuriha does pause her giggles. Her lips curl to a beaming smile, cheeks lifting. "I'm sure he feels the same. That's why I'm certain you are already helping him, by being there for him."

She sighs, eyes glimmering, looking up and for the first time today, lost in thought. Images of happy times, painful times…by the one she fell so quickly for. "Spending time with the person you love, even when you're hurting…gives a sense of hope"

An image spawns from that gruesome year, losing Inuki..and nearly her own life. All too clearly she can see herself with her precious person at her bedside while crying oceans of pain and loss. "Having the one you love close, makes things at least a little bit lighter. Where you feel you can keep going…there's an indescribable strength."

"Yuzuriha?" Kamui calls, half surprised and concerned. His friend had gone through the same year they all had. She had these moments where she could convey, and express feelings deeply, on a level far beyond her years.

"So I think about being with him! Oh maybe planning a cute date night!" Yuzuriha returns to her usual chipper self, mind full of fluttering ideas. "At least having a change of scenery, maybe somewhere new might help to take his mind off of things."

"You may have a point…"Kamui nods a this, mirroring a fraction of the beaming grin across from him. "I…well, Thank you for this," He murmur hiss thanks, a little abashed.

"I'm happy to be of help!" Yuzuriha shines, showing genuine happiness, and joy to have said or done something that could help her friend.

A soft moment of silence slips through. The two girls look towards each other and back at Kamui. Such genuine compassion, it was like night and day since their first meetings. So much has changed, in this case for the better.

"I should probably get going," Kamui announces, bidding adieu to his friend. Yuzuriha swoops Kamui up into a tight hug. "I'll see you next week at school?"

"Yeah," Kamui ensures, Awkwardly attempting to return the hug, patting his friend's back. "And I hope the best for you and the one you love. I'm sure you being with them, helps them to feel lighter too."

His parting words come out with such genuine compassion. Yuzuriha's brown eyes well up with emotion and she keeps it in check. Her cheeks flush a little pink, waving her friend goodbye. At least he could say he wasn't the only one having to become flustered over the topic of love.

…..

'I want to give Subaru a bit back with all he's given me.' The pervasive thought sweeps through Kamui's mind for the nth time this morning. All of this makes his 'self-study' hour unproductive.

Tapping the back of his pencil on the desk, Kamui lets out a dramatic sigh. He closes the book in front of him, pushing it off to the side. Outstretching his arms folded upon the desk, head resting between them. There was a brief moment of silence before-.

"Are you okay, Kamui!?" Comes a concerned yelp, far too exclamatory to come from anyone but one of his close friends, In this case, Keiichi Sawada.

The answer should have been obvious with a look at Kamui. There's the redness surrounding deep violet irises, and bags forming under eyelids.

A few more diligent students held a finger to their lips, eyes glaring daggers as they shushed.

"Sorry," he apologizes, bowing politely, before taking an empty seat beside Kamui. His hand falls to said classmate's shoulder.

"Are you doing alright?" Keiichi rephrased his concerns, frowning at the glimpse of his friend's face.

A weakened curl forms on Kamui's lips, and he opens one eye. His classmate's concerns are truly sincere… but how exactly to describe the situation?

"So…Subaru has been," Kamui pauses, choosing his words carefully. "A little down and out. He is harsh on himself…and when things at 'work' don't go as planned he blames himself…and…" Hands rummage through his own hair, touselling it. "Agh, it's hard to help him get out of it. "

"I see, so this must be really hard on the both of you," Keiichi offers with a kindly, sympathetic smile. He places a caring hand on Kamui's shoulder. "Your boyfriend is rather reserved…but is he more open to talking to you about what's been bothering him?"

"A little…but …I can tell there are things he seems to be keeping inside…he's been needing more time alone, as of late," Kamui responds a little sadly. Images surface over huddled up in his office, staring blankly at some document, drowning in the doubts of his mind.

"I see…" Keiichi returns slowly, observing the tired lines under his friend's eyes. Kamui's lips sank to a pained curve. The caring brunette furrows his eyebrows and reaches carefully to brush his hand over his friend's arm. The touch was feather-light, ensuring no boundaries were crossed. "I can tell this has been hard for you," he sympathizes and runs his hand up to the boy's shoulder.

"This may not be the most helpful, but I do think it's a good sign he's opening up, even if a little…. Maybe... He might need some time understanding just how he's feeling before he can put it to words." A gentle squeeze follows on the shoulder, friendly and comforting. Kamui gives an awkward smile, but there's warmth amongst it all. Friendly or casual touches were

Subaru was the only one allowed to touch Kamui, without any boundaries. He was always someone special.

This was something Keiichi knew since the moment he first saw the couple studying together. That the man sitting across from Kamui was irreplaceable.

"I'm sure it's frustrating waiting…" Keiichi offers a genuine kind and serene curl to his lips. The gleam in his eyes, hoping to ease a fraction of the burden his close friend carries. "But I feel he will come to talk with you about… whatever this is…" He rubs a hand at the back of his neck. "When he's ready." Kamui feels a breath of relief, with the lack of questioning regarding his and Subaru's unique circumstances. Having your love close to you,

"But that does help. I like to think I can be the one to make him feel better…" Kamui admits, knowing how deeply he took pride in such a role. To give Subaru comfort and healing as no one else could… that was everything.

Keiichi laughs, "You don't have to just think about it, you are definitely the one he needs." He closes his eyes, recalling the past interactions he has seen with the couple. "Every time I've seen him, his eyes follow you, where you go, whatever you say…He looks at you as though you hung the moon, maybe even made the sky above."

"I… don't know about that…" Kamui murmurs, cheeks beginning to heat up and dust a familiar pink. He couldn't fight the curl on his lips, the thought of Subaru's actions when he wasn't looking. The notion he and Subaru saw and dawned over each other with that same intensity melted the smile on his lips.

"Well, I am sure," Keiichi responds, feeling a weight lifted. His friend seems to warm up, smiling for his special someone. With an almost dreamy sigh, he rests his chin under his palm.

"You know... both make such a beautiful couple," He adds, the smile on his face growing further into a cheeky grin. He can't help but admire Kamui's glowing red blush. "You two should be making more and more beautiful memories. "

'Beautiful memories… ' The words break through to Kamui, mind, and heart speeding up. 'As in romantically or…?' He couldn't finish the thought, uncertain which kinds of 'memories' worked him up more.

"W-where did that come from?" Kamui softly squeaks, mind going. There were many ways his mind kept interpreting such words.

"I think the time we spend with the people with love is really precious," Keiichi begins a little melancholy, his cheery eyes flickering down slightly. "Sometimes too short…"

Kamui swallows, chest aching at the forlorn expression. He knew his bubbly friend, suffered from familial loss, and without fully understanding why. His parents are still believed to be caught up in 'natural disasters'.

"Oh, no-no-no, I don't mean to bring the mood down, please don't look so sad!" Keiichi quickly steps in, successfully halting his friend from any self-defeating thoughts. "I mean that the memories we have are very precious. So when you have the time to be together, you should have all kinds of experiences, maybe something new will help you both feel a bit lighter."

"Hm… I guess that's true," Kamui ponders over this. He certainly cherished every memory, every date, and outing spent with Subaru. 'A change of pace may be helpful…' He reflects. Time outside of school and work, doing something different from routine might help.

"Yep, and of course, there must be occasions to celebrate, you two have been dating a while now right?"

"Since the Spring Festival-" Kamui absently slips out, flushing a deeper red. "Oh… right." He can't fight the lovesick smile forming on his lips for a millisecond. His heart fluttered, mind enamored by that day…their first kiss, their first 'I love you.'

And were nearing such an important mark! His and Subaru's anniversary was approaching, another big milestone, a chance to make memories, happy ones they can look back upon. Where could he begin…

'Maybe talking with Subaru could cheer him up… or at least get him out of his head'

Kamui found a look of determination. While circumstances were not perfect he could still look forward to this.

"See? then you both will have something to look forward to," Keiichi beams, entirely cheery and satisfied.

"I think you may be right…" Kamui nods, a grateful curl to his lips.

—-

This last visit left Kamui mixed. On one hand, he found himself supported and free to talk with his friend about anything, with no worries of judgment. Talking with Karen, brought out a familiar emotion, similar to talking with his mother.

On the other hand, said friend did offer more mature and embarrassing advice…

'I'm already here so…' Kamui decides. So he knocked on the door, quietly and waited for a response.

"Coming!~" Karen returns, voice cheery and full of life.,

'She seems happier than usual.' Kamui notices.

As the door swings open, he notices an unexpected guest. The kindly bespectacled male is sitting casually across the table. Seiichirou Aoki.

'Oh,' It dawns on him. 'That's why…'

'She still is so happy even though she can't be with him..' Kamui can't help but see this. A part of him frowned, finding it odd. 'Maybe she's over him?'

The idea was probable, he'd heard Karen's tales of various dates, and confessions received on campus. But then, he saw it.

Aoki flashed a brightened smile in the woman's direction. She beamed brilliantly, eyes lighting up like fireworks.

No, there was still certainly love there. Unrequited.

She seemed as though she were so at home, happy with a loved one. If Kamui hadn't known better he could mistake the two for a couple.

Although, all he could see and feel between them was innocent. Karen enjoyed saying things to get the innocent man flustered but beyond that, nothing.

Aoki's heart was far too pure to even think about an affair or leaving his treasured family. Laid across the table was a series of photos, his daughter and wife smiling and a few candid. A scribbled-out kids 'drawing' is displayed in the center of the pile, presumably a gift for Karen.

Karen was not the type to break up someone's happiness for her own.

'But still…' Kamui can't help but think of his own circumstances. 'If Subaru and I could only be friends, and I had to listen to him talk like that about someone else' Violet-blue eyes narrow, suppressing the urge to growl at the scenario. 'I'd probably go crazy!'

"Kamui?" Karen calls, breaking him from his thoughts. She rests a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Ah…oh yes, just lost in thought," Kamui returns, a little sheepish.

"Oh, I wonder who you could be thinking of?" She jests, with a knowing smile and wink.

Kamui bows his head down, fighting off the flustering emotion.

Which he had a great handle over. At least for a time.

"Come in! Make yourself at home! I haven't seen you in a while," She enthused, wrapping the petite male up into a quick hug. She whispers, "You're getting better at hiding them," then gestures to the side of her neck.

Kamui quickly put a hand to his neck, eyeing the little exposed red spot. Violet-blue eyes raise, a little mortified at being caught so quickly.

Karen giggles, clearly enjoying every reaction. She holds a hand over her lips to calm them.

"T-Thanks for letting me come over with short notice," Kamui politely responds, bowing his head and keeping the conversation diverted.

He turns to Aoki. With a soft nod of the head, Kamui greets, "It-It's good to see you too."

"It's certainly been a while. I'm glad to see you here," Aoki greets softly, with a humble bow. His eyebrows knit, carefully planning his words. "Things are much brighter now, but there just aren't the same opportunities for us all to get together anymore."

"Yeah.." Kamui agrees and finds some difficulty saying more. It was one thing talking with Karen, but the older male had never gotten too close to him. With his own work and family to attend to, they didn't exactly have time to see each other.

Truthfully, Kamui knew a source of that distance came about from himself. He could see the wind mage and the similarities they share. Daisuke Saiki, the kindly man's late nephew, held a similar aura about him. A similar strength came out when it came to the ones they loved most.

Kamui, from the get-go, had a rather turbulent relationship with Daisuke. Diverting all the hurt and grief into anger, resulted in quite a few injuries. Being brought in, being told the weight of the world was on his shoulders, would put anyone in distress. Still, he knew his faults, the behavior he held towards others. Such power he should have been responsible for was used recklessly. He couldn't excuse that.

Yet, the allure to avoid fate was understandable. So he'd strike at whoever tried to bring him to reality…

A part of him wonders what he'd be like had he met Subaru earlier. Would he have come to his senses sooner? Or would he lash out at the gentle-hearted man with the same cruelty he showed others? Subaru's seemingly endless patience…surely. Would they have fallen in love sooner? Or was their fate together simply impossible without the loss of their former lovers?

Although his behavior was far from all he held guilt for. Not stopping Daisuke's death becomes another burden, life lost he holds the weight of. But Kamui…knew no matter how many lifetimes he'd go through, or chances are given he'd make the same choice, over and over again. He couldn't let Fuuma die, He had loved him too much. Loved his twin star, beyond any and all losses he would have burdened for that love.

But that was in the past. As he comes back to the present he notices Aoki holding a tender smile, eyes drawn in a line of concern. The younger wind master held a similar, sensitive smile, one appearing truly when with Hinoto.

'I hope they're somewhere…at peace.' Kamui hopes the pair are at peace.

The kindly man held no judgments or blame. No matter what, he seemed to press on, determined to do everything he can and with the hope to get his family back.

His incredible amount of love for his wife and daughter was admirable. Speaking of the two of them as if they were the greatest blessings on this earth. Not once did Aoki blame him for the death of Daisuke, despite having every right to, in Kamui's mind.

"Kamui?" His name is called again, with such concern, and compassion.

'Even now…you show this kindness…' Kamui reflects, standing in the middle of the apartment, mind returning from orbit. "S-sorry I was…"

"Lost in thought?" Karen fills in her usually mischievous smile replaced by a concerned frown.

"Y…yeah…" Kamui flushes a light pink and coughs into his closed-up hand. "Sorry…"

"It's quite alright, I was just saying… I know how busy you must be with your studies, but just know you are welcome to come over to visit me and my family," Aoki offers, filling the young boy in on what he missed, mind elsewhere. The words come with a sincere smile."Naturally, you and Sumeragi both."

"T-Thank you," Kamui stumbles, becoming more and more aware of why he came over in the first worries spiraled within his mind

"How is he doing?" Aoki asks the question simply, yet drawing forth a hurricane of worry and sadness.

"Ah…oh, he's…," Kamui returns a little weakly. It seems they would talk about Subaru anyway. He turns to Karen next, but can't make eye contact with either. "He's kinda…what I wanted to talk about?"

"I had a feeling," Karen chimes in, with a knowing glance.

"Subaru's been…really down and out of it, he's hard on himself and I want to help…" Kamui admits. He earns two tender smiles from this. Karen and Aoki look towards each other, then back at Kamui, having some voiceless conversation.

"You're very sweet, Kamui," Karen expresses, eyes a little softer, more serious. She guides Kamui to take a seat at the table. Looking directly into the younger boy's eyes, she grasps his hand. "The fact you're this concerned… already shows how much you truly care for him. And that I can likely guess, you've been with him, keeping close, and doing all you can to make him feel better.

"Y-yeah…" Kamui's voice breaks off.

'This kind of warmth…' Kamui's mind immediately flashes to his mother, his Aunt. He fights the urge to squeeze at his chest. Not quite the same, but so familiar.

"He might not show it now, being so reserved. But I'm positive you're already helping him," Karen encourages, pulling the small male into a tight hug. So softly, and kindly she ensures further. "All you're doing now means the world to him."

"That's quite true, Kamui," Aoki chimes in, softly. "You're doing all you can, and trying to go above that. It's admirable."

"Everyone can see how hard you're trying and continue to…but you need to remember to care for your own needs," Karen continues. "When was the last time you had a proper night's sleep?:

"Ah…that's…"

"See what I mean?"

"I…think so…"

"You must care for yourself," Karen's hands brush up to brush through Kamui's hair. "If anything were to happen to you, you'd leave your beloved Subaru worried sick. That would only cause more pain."

"I guess I understand that…but still…" Kamui exhales gently, the feeling, of not knowing becomes so much. "I want to do something that can help him feel better." 'And as soon as possible.'

"You two are both so young," Karen continues, brushing her hand upon the young man's cheek. A tender curl spreads over her red lips."You have plenty of chances to go out of your way to help him, but first, you need rest. So long as you plan on spending your lives together?"

"Always," Kamui voices, devotedly and without a second thought.

"Then there's no need to worry, keep being as you are. Stay at his side…even if he seems distant…people tend to need comfort the most…at the point where they can't ask for it," Karen advises, a sense of wisdom within her makes her gleam. "If you want simpler ideas, you can try going out together, really take that time out as a couple to talk, do this as much and as often as you need to even if he's not ready to say everything, that doesn't mean you should keep your feelings inside. And by doing that you'll start to understand each other more, growing closer."

"I suppose…I can do that," Kamui murmurs, a feeling of hope resurfacing amongst the doubt. Violet-blue eyes swirl with a mix of that hopeful emotion and the lingering pain. His words come out lightly, bittersweet "I'm guessing there's no shortcut around this?"

Karen shakes her head, giving Kamui yet another hug. "Wounds of the heart aren't quite that simple. But you'll both connect again, your hearts are bound after all…"

"Bound?" Kamui blinks, the word sinking in. Another tie of fate connects them. The tiny curl returns to his lips at the thought.

"That's right," Karen assures, seemingly satisfied at seeing the lovesick poor, start to brighten up. She giggles, a familiar mischievous glint returning. Kamui gulps. "But, you know there are quite a few physical options to feel much better instantly?"

"And- I should probably get back to the office-" Aoki quickly interjects, looking at Kamui with a sympathetic smile. While content to listen quietly, to Karen's earlier advice, this was a whole other subject. He couldn't suppress the blush on his cheeks either.

Thankfully, the older male takes his leave before Karen can spout any more risqué advice.

"I hope to see you both again soon," Aoki says before placing a hand on Kamui's arm. "Please, try not to worry. I'm sure your Sumeragi will come around. Spending time with him, and being there to listen can mean more than you think."

"Thank you for that," Kamui says, taking the offered hand. The handshake turned into a partial hug.

"I'll see you soon Karen," Aoki returns to the pink-haired woman. He wraps his arms around the woman, holding her. The hug lasts a few seconds, but Kamui observes the difference in reactions. Aoki holds his same cheery smile, grasping for his work bag.

Karen remains slightly dazed, before blinking herself back to reality. Not a flush on her cheeks, but the lights gleaming, dancing in her eyes speak for 1000s of words.

Simply, a hug but there was something special connecting the two even if not romantically.

"You certainly will," She adds with such cheeky confidence. "Please, give my regards to your wife and daughter." The pure-hearted editor exits the apartment.

Karen turns on her heel. All too cheerily, she looks toward Kamui with a devious smirk.

"Now back to what I was saying- there are quite a few techniques that will make you both feel absolute bliss!"

"Ah, that's alri-" Kamui attempts to shut the topic down quickly. But it's far too late.

"I have some new editions to add to your library," Karen winks, wasting no time disappearing into the next room seeking the mature collection of books.

Kamui could see he received advice or words of comfort through every remaining seal. Even if he found some far more explicit than needed. There were certain things…he'd never admit to implementing into his love life.

Karen had her own mix of advice…the latter half came with a stack of books and a very erotically charged gift bag.

---

Comforting

Feel Better. That's all Kamui wanted to make his lover do.

While gaining insight and ideas, it never seemed quite enough. As expected there was no magic formula or words to make things better or to convince his lover of how incredible he really was.

Certainly, time and patience were key factors.

Kamui couldn't help it, wanting to make his lover feel better as soon as possible.

But all the same, he didn't want Subaru to feel he had to leap outside of his comfort zone for his sake. Nor did he want Subaru to feel like his current worries and doubts were too much or bothersome to Kamui. His self-sacrificing lover would likely keep what was bothering him inside even further, and try to fake happiness altogether. All because Subaru would give the world for Kamui's happiness but struggled to give even the smallest consideration to his own needs.

Kamui felt comfortable enough talking with his closest friends. But something was missing from the equation when he couldn't confide in his precious person.

Truly, he found it felt best talking with Subaru. About everything… There was some difficulty when the subject of concern was his lover. But in the end…He needed to keep trying, to vocalize his worries as well as his assurance he'd be here.

Staying at Subaru's side and directly seeking a solution to help him feel better was best. At the very least, he could hold Subaru tight, and cuddle with him until he felt a little better. And maybe take the focus towards their future, the positive aspects, and a clearer vision than what worries clouded his lover's judgment. They had a beautiful life to lead together, being Kamui and Subaru, and no one else. Their individuality alongside their relationship would always be unique. Their love story had and will always be special, like no others.

There was quite a lot going on with the campus festivals and school year coming to a close. And they were nearing their anniversary which should leave them both blissful and lovesick.

Yet, here they were faced with this dilemma.

'Take things one breath at a time.' Kamui reminds himself, of the words his lover convey when nightmares took place and the walls were closing in.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Take one small step. Things couldn't be solved overnight nor all at once.

'I know I need to give Subaru time…and keep letting him know I'm here for him with everything.'

Just because Kamui saw Subaru's use of power as alright didn't mean his lover did. He needed time to sort things out, and Kamui would step in, if that sorting became self-defeating, to guide his lover to a new answer.

For right now…

There must be something he could do. Kamui brainstorms to their computer, loading the CLAMP school website. They had a catalog of events, and activities on and even some close to campus.

'There has to be something here that Subaru would like. Something for us to do…to make new memories.'

---

Outing.

Small steps. Their first one was simple, an easy change of pace after a long week.

Enjoying a nice easy morning, tangled and cuddled up under the blankets. Their legs entangle, bodies pressed snuggly to each other.

"Subaru?" Kamui whispers, breath hitching at the feeling of lips doting down his neck "Um…? He stumbles, pressing his lips tight to hold back further sounds.

"Yes, my love?" Subaru purrs, voice dripping with extra sweetness. A purposeful emphasis falls on a favorite pet name. The amorous lover returns to kissing along the side of a sensitive neck, up towards his throat.

"Ah-" Kamui's breath hitches, subconsciously leaning his neck to the side, giving his lover more access. Subaru takes full advantage of the space, peppering sweeter and softer kisses, giving his love a chance to voice his thoughts.

"D-do you want to go out today?"

Emerald and gold orbs transfix, then blink. The words stir some curiosity in Subaru. He pauses his ministrations, but not after leaving a seductive, lingering kiss on Kamui's throat.

"I'll go anywhere with you," Subaru purrs, tone obviously seeking another beautiful reaction. Which he received, Kamui's face flowering with elegant reds and pinks.

Kamui pouts murmuring a little 'You can say those things way too easily…'

"Why don't we go out for a walk today?" He sweetly offers, finally catching his breath. Tilting his head back to a neutral position, he gazes into Subaru's eyes. "It's beautiful outside."

Catching, a cute pondering look on his lover, Kamui kisses his lover's lips, then brushes their noses.

"Alright," Subaru smiles softly at this, nodding to agree, yet not fully letting go of him. His arms still snuggly encase the petite male from his waist and lower back. His right caresses the back of Kamui's thighs. Adoringly his left hand travels up Kamui's spine, brushing circles along the way.

"Just a little longer?" Kamui reads his lover, easily guessing before the words can leave his Subaru's parting lips.

A cheeky curve shapes his lips, despite being equally as reluctant to leave his lover's warmth. Alluring violet eyes drive Subaru in, making it near impossible to not kiss the growing smirk off his boyfriend's sweet lips.

After a few blissful moments, they slowly, very gradually slip out of their bed getting ready for their outing.

It's gentle, simple, and a kind of ordinary excursion. A trip most couples wouldn't think twice about.

"It's so nice out," Kamui comments, ensuring to bring every ounce of brightness in hopes of lightening his lover's darkened worries. His head rests on his lover's arm, clutching on to add extra sweetness.

Subaru's eyes light up at the blatant display of affection."I don't think our relationship will be mistaken here." A pleased smile curls over his lips, seeing raised violet-blue eyes. "Like this, we won't need to worry about others flirting."

The tone comes entirely playful. Light enough to lift a weight from Kamui's shoulders. Still, he can't help but pout, hearing the teasing tone following a soft chuckle.

Kamui returns with a stubborn notion, "Good, I don't want anyone getting the wrong impression that my boyfriend is anything but taken."

"I can see that," Subaru responds bemused. He pressed his lips to Kamui's forehead, ensuring he was more than okay with this innocent little affection.

"Besides I think it's been known for a while…" Kamui murmurs, fingers grasping below his neck, pulling his collar to the side. A few newly blossomed lovebites become exposed. "You have your own ways of making things obvious."

"That's because …" Subaru clears his throat, turning bright pink. Kamui beams brilliantly, adoring his lover's flustered side. Of course, he had no problem making all those love bites, but it seems being confronted was another story.

The older male can't help but melt under it all. He gestures Kamui closer, chin over his lover's head. Smoothly, he extends his arm lower and around a slender waist. The smaller male is tucked in close.

Sincerely, Subaru professes, ensuring his voice is whisper soft. Words only for Kamui to hear. "That's because… I love seeing my mark on you… it's nice proof that you're mine."

"Subaru," Kamui calls tenderly, he nuzzles to his lover's side, bodies pressing closer by the second.

"Do you like when I… ?" Subaru starts to question, unsure how to word it more eloquently.

They turn to each other, gazing deeply into rather heated eyes.

Kamui finally manages a response, stomach tumbling from admitting such a thing out loud. "I… ah maybe like you when you make them… a bit."

"A bit?" Subaru repeats, nesting, all good-natured. A sense of confidence mustering at the blush that only deepens in color.

They look towards one another, the curve on their lips rising up, before breaking out into soft laughter.

Silently, they approach through a narrow sidewalk, entering the local park. Gentle, the fresh spring breeze blows through. Step by step, entering the flowering little park There's a private spot under a tall green tree. A place where they can sit, simply being together.

"And of course, I'm yours," Kamui reassures, wanting to emphasize his devotion. No matter what. "I am always yours… because You are Subaru…"

The tender words earn him a collection of adoring kisses. A tender connection forms, beyond words.

Kamui holds faith, slowly but surely, he can reach Subaru, and help him to realize just how incredible he is.

---

Strength

Maybe it wasn't the best thing to ask, but he had to.

"That tree… are you sure you'll be alright going on your own," Kamui asks hesitantly, lips curling down, eyebrows knotting worry lines on his temples. "I can go with you."

A look of sheer panic and fear took over Subarus's features. The last thing he wanted was to lose himself and worse bring Kamui into the world that came from the curse.

"I'll be going out for a short time, just making sure…"Subaru mentions a partial truth. 'And to see if there's any way I can connect…and distance myself from our binding contract.'

"Making sure?"

"Things are still alright."

Kamui tilts his head. "So you can communicate with the Sakura tree ?"

"Kind of…when you're contracted with the tree you can feel if it's needing more. And what it's desiring for."

"Haven't you checked on it a few days ago?"

"Yeah but…I feel better knowing things remain stable," Subaru voices his concerns, earnestly.

"Alright," Kamui reluctantly agrees, hands wound in his boyfriend's shorts, clutching him close. Leaning on his tiptoes he bids a kiss for a short parting. "Come back before dark, or I'm coming to get you," Kamui warns his love, not suppressing the cheeky smirk.

"I… understand," Subaru ensures with an affectionate, gleaming gaze. Patting, pecking his lips, Subaru exits.

Whether the day or night, the blooming Sakura shines, alluringly.

Seeing such lush vitality in every blossom gives Subaru room to breathe. 'I don't feel any pull to sacrifice…'

Yet, as he pressed his palm high upon the tree, he could feel himself synchronizing with it, his aura even glowing a soft pink. 'But still, I am

It's long before evening when Subaru arrives. The older man takes his time, arm stacked with a pile of books centering on a calming meditation, to stay in control. He leaves them in the study, for later, his mind is still lost in a cycle of self-depriment.

Seeing the home, quiet and calming, he decides to sink down onto their couch, closing his eyes. Rest was always needed.

Maybe it will help clear my mind a bit…

…

That bit of time turns moments into hours.

"I'm back," Kamui announces to what he assumes is an empty household. Well aside from the fluffy feline brushing against his legs.

The light in the office gives away he's not the only person home. Kamui peers over to see his lover sitting on one end of the sofa, books, and papers spread out on the other seat. "You're back early."

"Yes…" Subaru replies with a distant hum, lost in thought. Already surrounding himself with information in every method he can find to keep his Sakurazukamori powers at bay. Even though he hadn't really caused harm with it, worries still lingered.

Worries that Kamui was all too happy to take on and dispel as soon as possible.

"You're studying?" Kamui says despite having a clear picture in front of him. He takes a few sprawled-out papers, and books. Placing them on the floor, the worried male sits in the cleared-out space.

"Subaru?" Kamui calls again, tender. He reaches for his lover's hand.

"Sorry… I got a bit lost…" With relief, Subaru responds to the touch, curling his hand under Kamui's, their palms kissing. "I am glad you're home." He speaks the words as a promise gazing directly into his lover's eyes.

"I missed you," Kamui responds, squeezing his hand under his. He scoots closer, until their legs brush. "Is everything okay?"

"The Sakura Tree hasn't changed," Subaru reports quietly. His eyes widened, seeing Kamui's free hand grasping for the opened book, and moving it off the couch. "And these are so… I don't make the same mistakes."

"Please…" Kamui breathes a long, saddening sigh. "Be a little gentler with yourself." He finds his voice further, the direct approach in this case very necessary for his sweetheart to take in. "Subaru, you know I love you. I want to spend my life, my everything right by your side. So please…don't take on every burden alone."

"Kamui… I'm sorry I don't mean to… I just…" Subaru trails off, his hand starting to shake. Soon he's filled with a sense of security, finding both of his hands encased within a warm hold.

"I've been thinking, for a while now," Kamui admits, a nervous bite on his lips. "I don't know the details about going about it but… there's something I want to do."

"What is that…?" Subaru pauses, quite captivated at the request.

"Subaru," Kamui proposes, eyes darkened, serious and adamant. "I want you to have a part of me with you…like you've done for me many times before. I want to share my power with you. ."

Certainly, if Subaru had that special energy inside, the draw towards using his less favorable powers could change.

"You want to…" he processes the intimate notion. But, for power like that of the Kamui, something so sacred, to give away some of that- "Kamui I can't ask you to do that! That power inside you, it's ethereal… A gift like that you should have for yourself, to stay safe, to do whatever you want with it."

"But this is what I want…" Kamui insists, a bit of frustration stirring in his core. "It wouldn't have to be that much and… there are ways to do it right?".

"Well yes but-" A gentle slender finger pressed to his lips.

"Then… please let me give you back what you've given me…" Kamui insists, violet eyes pleading.

'I've thought of this since I knew you had his power inside of you… since you gave me your power in hopes to make my wish come true.'

"I don't know… what to say to this," Subaru remains honest, far from expecting this 'solution' to come about.

"You don't have to answer right away but… at least consider this. I'd feel better knowing you'll always have a part of me in you. When things become overwhelming, I want to help you however I can."

"You do help me," Subaru confides, "Beyond what words can explain. And that's why you don't need t-"

"Subaru," Kamui proposes, leaving the offer and his lover's racing thoughts to settle. Embracing his lover, he promises, "I want to be your strength." Arms encircle his boyfriend's shoulders, pressing them as flush as possible.

Hope fills him, and as their embrace tightens, Subaru responds, even if not yet with an answer.

Kamui doesn't press for more, enjoying their peaceful moments. 'I'll gladly be your strength and maybe one day… you'll realize your own… how amazing you really are.'

End

---

Part ½ complete. The next chapter will have more eventfulness. Subaru continues to heal/learn to be gentler with himself. The idea of a power-exchange ceremony comes about. Kamui and Subaru celebrate their first official anniversary (not including the six-month one :P). I hope to see you for the next chapter update!