Imagine waking up just to be slapped by a sociopathic homunculus. Imagine wasting your entire morning escaping from the cops, drawing rituals, and tricking literal demigods into building a cannon in your backyard. Then realize that this is my fucking day to day routine and build a statue in my honor because none in the world should have to put up with that much shit, but SOMEHOW I ALWAYS HAVE TO!
"People have to put up with you though"
"Buzz off brain I'm in the middle of my complaining monologue now"
Where was I? Ah yes. SOMEHOW I ALWAYS HAVE TO. And that's. Not. All. The rest of the day I spent it doing the most tiring, the most unbearable thing in the world... try to move forward the relationships of a harem protagonist.
Seriously Emiya was so dense I could have started to swing him around like a sword and break into pieces Berserker stone ax. I literally had to pack a vibrator for that man, and no I'm not the weird one shut up. He was refusing to bone his servant when we were in a literal life or death situation! How many more incentives needed a straight teenager to have sex with a semi-concordant servant... oh, oooohhhh, I forgot about to tickle Saber's hormones.
"Guess it takes two to tango"
I thought while feeling a heaviness in my hand.
What kind of heaviness you might ask. Well, a gun. The heaviness was a gun I was currently using to take the girl Sakura Matou as a hostage. She was a whole other set of problems: an emotionally unstable teen with family issues, a servant dressed as a bondage slave at her disposal, and a borderline obsession with Emiya. Dealing with her was a delicate matter, specifically because I wanted her beloved sempai to do it with another girl without making her go in full yandere mode.
"Hikigaya-sempai... you... you got me"
Said the violet haired girl dealing with the gun in front of her face much more easily than I expected.
"... Really just like that? No I-I- I don't know what you're talking about"
I replied mimicking her voice while raising an eyebrow.
She was way too quiet, usually, people in similar situations started to hyperventilate, cry, or lose bowel control.
"Well that would be kind of useless, I did fall for your bluff just two seconds ago"
Matou shrugged closing her fist until her knuckles became white.
"Anger. Fear. Frustration. She is not calm as her face suggest"
I thought reading her body language.
Under her white one-piece dress, I could see all muscle fibers tense. Her survival instincts were pushing her to run, to go as far as possible from me, yet a weird resignation forced her to stand still.
"This is not the first time something like this happens to you"
I whispered exchanging a stare with the darkness in her eyes.
It hurt. Matou was brimming with enough untamed darkness to make me suffer just by standing close to her... almost like a reggaeton song coming out from a loudspeaker.
For a moment Sakura completely froze, but then she relaxed as if I wasn't a threat anymore.
"Actually no, it's the first I have a gun pointed at me, but... I always feel as if the world could being to crumble at any moment. So when it actually starts to fall apart, I'm... relieved..."
"Because you finally know in which direction stare"
I said concluding her sentence and lowering the gun sure she wouldn't have tried something strange.
This girl reminded me of myself way too much.
Sighing deeply I hid the gun back in my clothes and leaned forward on my cane.
"God my leg was killing me"
I thought while doing my best to hide the pain.
All the fights of yesterday had pushed my body to the limit, and today I still forced all my limbs to another tour de force to search all the rooms of Oroboro hidden across Fuyuki city. Every branch of the shadow companies controlled by Oroboro had one or two secret rooms with maintenance materials and a radio beacon to ask for help.
All of the rooms looked untouched, but each and every radio beacon had disappeared. My worst fear had been confirmed, the Assassin Servant and his Master were involved with my organization and most importantly knew my M.O. very well. Before I had even noticed they had cut all my connections with Oroboro reinforces.
I had no phone, no computer, and any indirect form of communication had been blocked. Social media pages that acted as a gateway for coded messages, avatars on MMO games used as a virtual messenger, all blocked none of them was operative. Even my secret small bank accounts were frozen. I was absolutely, completely alone in a terribly dangerous situation armed only with the tools I had brought from home and the stuff I found in the Oroboro rooms. It was not enough I lacked magic jewels ammunitions, utility tools, talismans, enchanting drugs, and most important, medicines to get back into shape after a long fight. Just this morning I had burned half of my stock to treat Tohsaka and the Einzberns. Luckily thanks to Liz-I-don't-know-too-long, I managed to loot what remained of the car of the homunculus Master Sieg, and let me tell you it was like Christmas there was just so much stuff hidden in every corner. Small gems filled with recovery magic, bullets oh God so many bullets, some nifty talismans, a map of Fuyuki with the hunting areas of the most active servants, and the reinforced metal of the car itself. It was first-class enchanted stuff, I took as much as I could before the cops went crazy molded it into my new cane with Saber's help. It was still a prototype with just a couple of... surprises, but luckily I had just gotten my hands on another batch of magical materials to make some more upgrades.
Thanks to Sieg's map I was able to pinpoint the first location where Caster's presence had appeared. Out of curiosity I checked out and found out the hollow shell of a burnt down building that smelled of death. I took a bus and checked a couple of other places she had attacked, all of them were still fine and standing. Something didn't feel right. I ran through the dirtiest hallways around the burned building and as I expected found a couple of drug dealers. I had a quite lovely conversation with them.
"Oh my God! he has a chainsaw!"
"RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"
And found out that two yakuza families controlled half of Fuyuki each, and that the burned building was a huge fancy place where lots and lots of dirty money came in got out clean as a cloud. At that point, I was pretty sure a magus' workshop had existed in that building before Caster attacked and I had the hunch that any waste materials left from the fire got collected by the ones that controlled the area. The Nagisa family.
To put it simply I checked their main building and found what I needed...
"You also dressed like a woman to pass unnoticed but fucked everything up when you used the wrong toilet, and then decided to blow up the place... "
"... Were those details necessary brain? The narration was just fine with me looking like a badass"
"Oh please, you don't even know what to do with half of the stuff you found. like that weird Archer card inside Sieg's car"
"The one wrapped in a slivery envelope above the box filled with sniper rounds. I thought it was some kind of talisman, and still do, but..."
"You have no idea about how to use it"
"There was no hint about its function just a small note that "I know I shouldn't have taken it out, but I'm sure it might come in handy" HANDY FOR WHAT!?"
"Such a pity they put the instruction in uh"
"Don't patronize me"
I shouted making Maotu jump from the surprise.
"Hikigaya-Sempai?"
She asked making the bold move of trying to touch my shoulder.
Out of reflex, I grabbed her wrist and grunted.
"I'm fine, I was just thinking"
"Your head must surely be a fun place"
She whispered with a mysteriously low voice.
"Otherwise why would you ask me, to bring you to my family, Hikigaya don't you realize its terribly dangerous"
"Where did the sempai go Matou, I'm hurt by this lack of trust"
I replied poisonously staring deep into her pupil-less eyes.
"By this point, I'm sure you know that you are in no position to refuse, Emiya doesn't know anything yet, but I'm sure just a couple of words would make him remember that you and he share the same mark on the back of your hands"
"Why wait then, why don't spill the bean when Saber was still around"
She asked trembling at the idea of Emiya discovering everything.
"Because you and I have something in common Matou, and you're going to be much more useful to me than Emiya, so pack up it's time to go"
"You will die... whoever challenges my grandfather ends up dying, it won't be any different for you, even if you think you have a good plan, you won't win. Don't ask me to walk you to your tomb"
"Oh, Matou-chan you're seriously too sweet, but relax I don't rely on any plan. I rely on a fucking railgun"
"Hikigaya-sempai, huff"
"Yes Matou, Oh dear my lungs, my lungs are dying"
"You made Shiro-sempai and Saber go away so that you could bring up the holy grail war topic with me. Ah, cramp! Cramp to the leg"
"Stop whining, we've almost arrived two more curves"
"You know that trick only works with kids that don't know where the final destination is! BUT DID YOU FORGET WE'RE GOING TO MY HOUSE!? I know we are still far"
"What? Didn't you live at the 49 number of this street?"
"I live at the 94, and you still haven't let me ask my question"
"Christ, 94 I'm not gonna survive that long"
"Hikigaya!"
"What!?"
"Did you threaten me with a gun in the middle of Fuyuki, risking to be caught, or me escaping just to use me like a pack mule? Couldn't you reach my house and then go through all the dramatic reveal stuff?
Cried Matou moving down from her shoulder a huge bag filled almost to the explosion point of stuff.
"Matou. Don't be ridiculous, I, of course, stole the crime scene yellow tape from a police car and use it to make sure none was going around when I performed my abduction in an area free of whatsoever cameras. I wasn't risking getting caught or anything else.
I replied moving my own bag to the ground breathing deeply.
Carry all those materials with one functioning leg was terrible.
"Yeah, of course, how stupid of me not to realize it sooner"
"Yes, God Matou get your head in the game"
"You still haven't denied you just wanted me to help you carry your stuff"
"Because I wanted to, have you any idea how difficult it was to put all those materials inside two 50% off bags and hid them in a trash can? I sure wasn't going to deal with that shit alone"
"You're a very terrible asshole"
"I do my best"
"Jesus. Can we at least take a break?"
Asked Matou falling with her butt on the ground.
The sky was getting darker and darker, soon the night was going to cover Fuyuki and with it, servants and Masters would start roaming free.
Stopping was dangerous, but if I arrived at the Matou residence exhausted it was just as bad, after yesterday's big fight I was pretty sure that only Archer, Caster, and Rider teams still were in fighting condition. Tohsaka was dangerous but until she didn't know how strong I was with proper preparation and didn't know how weak I currently was, it was fine, she wasn't just going to get on Emiya's bad side for attacking me on a whim... plus I kind of placed a bomb in her arm just in case. Caster was the most unpredictable of the bunch and the only servant of the base rooster I had yet to meet, luckily Matou and I were outside her territory. That only left Rider which was the servant I was voluntarily chasing, so maybe the situation wasn't so dire, but there were still a couple of wild cards moving around the city so it took me a while to decide.
"Fine. Five minutes break"
I finally said dropping my bag while slumping on the ground.
My body almost switched off, I stopped feeling my legs the moment I sat and my meticulously controlled breath became immediately ragged.
"Okay maybe more than five minutes"
I thought using all my materials as a pillow.
...wait didn't I have bombs in these things! Oh well, I was too tired to think.
"Hikigaya-Sempai..."
Said Matou between on desperate breath and another... God this girl needed cardio.
"What Matou? And please don't ask another stupid question"
I groaned trying to find a comfortable spot on the bag.
It might come as a shock, but lumps of metal aren't that comfy
"When you said we had something in common what did you mean?"
She asked imitating my relaxed position.
"...well, to put it in a dramatic way. Both of us were shaped by pain and we do our best to hide a deep sense of dread and void at our very core. More causally you can say we're two screwed up individuals that abuse their coping mechanisms, yours is Emiya and mine... is to butt heads with people as screwed as me.
I sighed pulling out my wrists and rising my shoulders.
"How do you know that?"
The girl whispered in a barely audible voice. It was like a lonely autumnal gust of wind, so quiet you wouldn't even remember its presence if it wasn't for the leaves it dragged down from the trees.
"Call it experience. When you have heard all sorts of lies and seen all kinds of facades, one stare is what it takes to see there's more than it appears"
Saying so I reached for a pack of cigarettes one of the dealers left behind after we had talked.
"HE GOT MY PANTS!"
"LEAVE THEM BEHIND!"
*WRRROOOOMMMMMMM!
Silly little thugs, they got scared and started running, a bit like Matou, for my plan it was fundamental to make sure she was fearful of my skills but not of my person by itself. She had to know my skills were the real deal, but that I had a morality she could relate to. In this way, I'd be one step closer to assume control of Rider.
Now I'll say it, in all honesty, I wasn't doing any of this because the Rider servant was hot, but it played a part in my decision-making process.
Muscly and terrifying Berserker, or beautiful and exponent of the scarousal style Rider?
An organized team of homunculi or an erratic group of people that were going to kills dozens if left alone?
Main enemy a servant Master pair involved with Oroboro, or no precise enemy?
Annoying maids or annoying teens?
Family issues involving Emiya or yandere issues involving Emiya?
With a surprisingly 3-2 team Rider won my favor over team Berserker. I didn't have anything against Illiya really, but the Matous scared me more when left to their own devices. I could wait to interact with the homunculi until I got enough strength to interact with the soul of Kiritsugu Emiya. His ego was currently deeply asleep within my soul, draw him back was going to take much more effort then I could currently afford mostly due to the condition of his spirit... how could I say. He wasn't just a ghost, some remnant of a once complete individual, Kiritsugu Emiya was whole, his existence had been perfectly conserved, I wasn't sure how it happened, but a powerful spell had slowly corroded the link between Emiya senior's body and spirit. When his flesh perished his soul remained bound to the room where he died.
Some mysterious force had held him there for years leaving that spirit only able to watch the world moving on without him.
"I believed only one person in the world could cast a spell like that, but apparently I was wrong"
I thought liting the tobacco and taking a deep breath.
It felt weird smoking the pre-deathly situation cigarette without Kyotaka... Oh God, was I missing the brats, was I so much of a softie these days? Yuigahama's influence on me was terrible.
"Matou. Do you want one?"
I asked moving the package close towards her.
Usually, I wouldn't have wasted time searching for something as trivial as a smoke buddy, or a buddy in general, no matter how melancholic I was feeling, however, right now I was still trying to create some kind of deeper relationship with Matou.
"...No, I really shouldn't, especially after everything that went down at the Copenhagen"
The girl replied still searching for air while covering her face with the back of her hand.
"Ah yes, the drugs. Almost forgot about that... was it seriously your first time?"
I asked genuinely puzzled, people like us tended to come in contact pretty early with those... recreative substances.
Be careful I didn't mean use them, more like pay attention to them. Unconsciously memorize where dealers did their...mmm jobs... which stores didn't have a problem to sell alcohol to minors for some extra bucks and similar stuff.
How can I say? The premise of shutting down your thoughts could be very appealing at times.
"Yes, it was the first-time sempai, I'm not some thug you know! But..."
"But you may have thought about trying someday"
I repeated outstretching the package of boxed cancer once more.
"You know it's seriously creepy how you can conclude my sentences... or how you enter in my head, manipulate me, talk in general and your eye-"
"I GET IT I GET IT I'M CREEPY AND GROSS! Can you please stop bullying me when I'm trying to be nice!?"
"By making me start a vice, do illegal stuff in general, and point a gun in front of my face?"
"Well said like that anything sounds bad"
I replied averting my eyes from the violet girl.
Why girls were sooooo mean and logical!?
Said by someone who's constantly mean and logical
And my brain wasn't helping my self-esteem, as usual.
"So you don't want it, okay"
I sighed surrendering, that was why trying to be social was stupid.
"Well! At this point, I might as well try"
Suddenly said Matou grabbing my wrist.
"I'd regret not experimenting that one time where I can't lose anything"
With a slick movement, she extracted one cigarette and studied it in her hands.
"That's one weird way to say yes"
I chuckled breathing the smoke.
"You don't have exactly an impression of me that's worth protecting. And I'm pretty sure you won't tell sempai"
"Sounds legit"
I nodded trying to hide that I was a bit offended, was I that inconsequential to this girl? We weren't or anything but still.
"Well, then how do I do?"
She asked me as if I had to explain the origin of the universe.
I ignited the lighter with one fluid movement and put the flame under Matou's eyes.
"Filter in the mouth, tip on the flame, suck the smoke until your mouth is half full, then inspire and let it flow down in your lungs. Wait a bit and exhale. You should get the hang in a couple tries"
I said looking at my kouhai block the cigarette between her index and middle finger while moving a lock of her violet hair behind her ear.
The small flame of the lighter gave her a quiet look, and as the orange light of the flame and the twilight painted her face, I couldn't help but gasp from how beautiful she appeared. Sakura Maotu's beauty was something I had yet to see, it wasn't something esoteric as the beauty of a servant, and it couldn't be overlapped or compared with the beauty of any girls I knew.
I was like looking at an ice statue being set of fire, a picture bound to disappear at any moment... a thing that actually happened as Matou began to cough like crazy.
"You might need some practice"
I grinned seeing how ridiculous she appeared.
"You don't say Hikigaya-sempai, you don't say"
We silently spent half an hour chilling by the side of the road lying on lumps of metal, despite the sense of dread that Matou's inner darkness made me feel, the situation was extremely peaceful. So peaceful I almost forgot what was going to happen in an hour at best.
"GHMMmmmmmnnn"
With a groan, I tried to stand up. My legs refused to cooperate but after a couple of attempts, I managed to get back on my feet.
Just in time to smell a terrible cologne.
"It's me just or the air around here started to smell like overprized cologne, bad taste, and underwear made in pure silver. Oh hey Goldie didn't see you there"
I said turning my head in the most dramatic way possible. Seriously I looked straight up out from the Monogatari series.
The air seemingly froze, Matou's expression was at a complete loss. Her eyes bounced between me and the first Riajuu at a crazy rhythm and you didn't need to be a genius to realize she knew both of us.
"Sorry do I know you? Oh right, you're that puny mongrel of last night, Hikitani was it?"
Said Gilgamesh slowly walking towards me and Sakura.
His clothing was simple but elegant, his stance proud, his eyes shined of crimson light as the light of the dying sun bounced on them, he felt so majestic I couldn't help but want to break his perfect image. So I bowed my head and replied in a solemn voice.
"Your majesty, you honor me by trying to remember my name, but my name is no other than... Rin Tohsaka"
"Are you messing with me mongrel?"
Inquired the golden man stopping his feet and raising an eyebrow.
"I would never dare, I'm always honest especially in regard to terrible perfumes"
I said with a tone so dripping with sarcasm it hurt.
"People have died for much less impudence"
Hissed the man as I slowly dragged out his petty side.
The more childish acted, the easier it was to direct him where I wanted.
Gilgamesh was a great hero, but if my ten minutes interaction with him and one long research on Wikipedia had taught me something was that this guy's weakness was his pride. His very being was imbued with an arrogance born from being literally the first of his kind, the first hero, and also from a sense of inadequacy present throughout his life. Three-quarters god one-quarter human, Gilgamesh should have been a bridge for divine beings and mortal people. Still, he was treated both as the lowest of the gods and as the highest among the humans, leaving him alone in both realms and with a warped perception of his own personal value. Long story short he expects to be treated as a God yet feels that he has to establish superiority always and in every situation.
Thus I had to be sharp to the point of offering him a challenge, but amusing enough to avoid he decided to solve any question with me just by blasting me into the oblivion.
"Yeah, but if I died this wouldn't be very fun. Am I right?"
I asked leaning forward on my cane while studying the back of my fascinated hand.
"Ahahahah, I can't put my finger on whenever you're an incredibly bizarre human or a completely different being"
Gilgamesh whispered staring at Sakura.
The girl froze on the spot almost like she was going to turn into stone any moment now... wait. No, wrong servant.
"Perhaps"
He said walking towards my kouhai.
"You might be something similar to her..."
Slowly the golden servant rose his hand moving it closer and closer to the violet girl. She didn't retract as she had already given up.
" A monster"
*BAM
The second before Gilgamesh touched Sakura's hair my oni-chan senses went over-drive and in a single move, I had extracted my gun and fired a bullet a millimeter above the servant's hand.
"I'd beg you not to touch her, how can I say if your myths are truthful, you must have a couple of STDs by now, I wouldn't want this dear girl to contract anything from you"
I smiled holding a steady grip on my weapon.
"Mongrel..."
Grunted Gilgamesh trying to set me on fire with his stare.
"I.. OF COURSE USE PROTECTION!"
"Really?"
I asked surprised by the sudden amount of passion.
"Yes, in this age and time, I've always been cautious and always wore my armor in the bedroom while I was with women, that HIV thing I have seen on discovery channel is terrifying, I would never let it enter within my body"
"... you know I was joking, before. Now not so much Matou... get behind me and fetch me the box called -Wild survival- in the bag, you carried until now"
"T-t-this one covered in skulls with heart-shaped eyes?"
Asked the girl still visibly shocked.
"Yes that one"
I said moving my head to invite her to get behind me.
With quiet steps, she reached my back and opened the box.
"What should I search?"
"Disinfectant girl! Search it real quick!"
"There're only insecticides in here, why there are only insecticides!?"
"It's an emergency kit if I suddenly need to start living in the forest I don't want bugs in my tent, just keep searching!"
"FOUND IT!"
"Spray it in the air!"
I cried with despair dripping out my eyes.
"WAAAHHHHHH!"
Exploded in a scream Sakura dispersing antiseptic molecules in the air.
"Mongrels what is all this ruck!"
Roared Gilgamesh at loss.
"He talked again spray woman! SPRAY!"
"Oh my God the bottle is already at three-quarters"
"Keep going!"
"What the hell is going on?!"
He asked startled by the intense emotions Sakura and I were displaying.
"How many women do you bone every week?!"
I asked making my gun tremble.
"What?"
"How many! This a life or death scenario"
"30"
"How many men"
"25, but I don't use the armor with them since it's safe"
"WHAAAAAAA!SPRAY Matou! This guy doesn't know armor is not protection, he is probably a person-shaped virus"
I cried once more making my face look wrapped in complete terror.
"His breath must be toxic from all the internal infection"
Trembled Matou following my lead extremely well.
"From the internal what?"
Gasped the servant touching his chest in search of some kind of parasite.
"You have to go to the hospital, get tested!"
I proclaimed pointing at a random building in the distance.
"Maybe it's too late"
Added Matou.
"You should run there! No magecraft, mystical potions, or artifacts! STD viruses and bacteria grow faster when subject to mana!"
I spit out as Gilgamesh shoved us away and began to run.
"Out of my way mongrels!"
"Yes run, run...run... Hachiman-1 Golden asshole-0"
I said softer and softer as he disappeared behind on the road.
"I can't believe this bullshit actually worked"
Sighed Matou looking at me almost bursting out in a laugh.
"I had honestly no idea of what I was saying I just saw how psyched up he was about the HIV and went for it"
"You're crazy Hikigaya-sempai"
"Listen to who's talking now, to go along as you did your brain must be screwed as mine"
"... maybe"
"Come on let's go brat, this day is far from long"
"I seriously hoped you had forgotten about this next part"
"Sorry I'm not backing down, especially until I'm not sure I can take care of Goldie"
"You're gonna regret it"
"That might be the title of my autobiography, now move your ass"
We returned to work immediately after and I half-expected a heavy blanket of silent fall upon us. Unfortunately, Matou didn't have enough functioning neurons to put the insecticide back in its place, so...
*clang "Why won't you get back IN!" *clang.
My ears had been already delighted by curses and metallic noises for the last ten minutes!
"Goddamit Matou give me that bloody thing!"
I cried unable to resist any longer, my patience was way more valuable than this.
I had to put up with Emiya already any more shit and I was going to go on a rampage.
"It's not my fault if that fucking can won't cooperate"
"Whoa, quiet down girl it's just an innocent cylinder of metal, keep that rage under control"
Geez, this girl was a drama queen of the same caliber as Tohsaka. Boy, they needed to get off or something, otherwise, I was going to carry a gun at all our conversations, they were cooperative only when the damn thing was right between their eyes.
"Shame, I've Emiya working on Saber he might have come in handy"
I thought snatching the insecticide from Sakura's hand.
Two more minutes and we would have arrived at the Matou mansion, the sound of bugs was incredibly loud. Given that it was mid-February, I was sure they were familiars and that Matou and I were kept under heavy control.
Maybe it was because of the bugs that Matou was so on edge.
"Rage under control? KEEP MY RAGE UNDER CONTROL?! Can't you even imagine how scared I am right now?"
"I'd say a six on the Hikigaya scale"
"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS"
The girl rebuked with a huge blush on her face.
"Geez, calm down I'm the one that should be scared right now"
"It's this fact that makes me anxious"
"Matou I already told you that I have a few insurances, I'm not so dumb to run in a lion's cave just like that. Who do you think I am, Emiya?"
Seriously why people thought I wanted to die so badly, it wasn't like I was getting involved in a Murder tournament just for the hell of it, I had started to plan stuff from the moment I met Rider if it wasn't for yesterday night craziness I'd be a leading player in this war.
"How many of those insurances consist of you pointing a gun against my head"
said Matou almost seeing the future.
"Ehm..."
"How many Hikigaya-sempai?"
"A couple"
I shamefully said trying to avoid direct eye contact.
"And how many of them have some sort of explosion as an accessory?"
"All of them"
I replied even more ashamed, dammit only Komachi was able to make me so pathetic, how the hell did Sakura learn the way of the little sister?
"Mmmm that sounds pretty reassuring"
"..Is that sarcasm Matou?"
I finally groaned, tired by the excessive criticism.
I was a simple dude going to fight a literal mythological monster, cut me some slack for goodness sake, I was allowed some explosives!
"Of course it's sarcasm, you're facing both my grandfather and Rider. Being diplomatic with them wouldn't be easy even for a normal person... for you well. Nope, everything is going to spiral into caos after five words leave your mouth"
"Ara? Matou-chan what do you mean by that?"
"Not to be rude Sempai, but you tend to annoy the shit out of everyone"
"Seems legit, what about it?"
"My brother can control Rider and he-"
"Is a whimsical fuck"
"Precisely and my grandfather will try to eliminate you as soon as he realizes you can be a threat"
"Then I'll show myself as an asset, he won't be able to refuse. ring the bell Matou we'have finally arrived"
The Matou mansion was huge and in European styled and had all the features an aristocrat of a few centuries ago would have loved: It was beautiful, had a wide garden and the view must have been great form there. Still, it seemed out of place in Fuyuki. All the infrastructures looked very old, much older than any other western buildings in Fuyuki... It was almost like someone had decided hundreds of years ago to take a piece of their home country and bring it here.
"Norwegian, no Russian wood"
I whispered studying the huge door Sakura was going to knock against.
The air was filled with defensive spells and... death. Layers and layers of pain had accumulated around this residence for decades, I could feel them boiling as I stepped closer to the house, hundreds of fragmented souls were just waiting for me to absorb their negativity and free them.
It felt like walking on top of a volcano.
Good news the negativity here is so thick we can summon it without even needing mana, this place is already a domain we can claim with the snap of a finger.
And the bad news brain.
You can guess it.
This place is even more rotten than we expected.
It wasn't unusual for me to recognize a Magus house just by the filth in the air but this... a place like this was beyond my wildest expectations.
"Sakura..."
I said out of impulse startling the girl who was too scared to even touch the door of her own house.
Maybe I had not thought this through, the dread in this place was way more than I expected, I shouldn't have brought her here.
"I..."
I thought that the only one to risk something in this situation would have been me, but my judgment was wrong.
The darkness in here and the darkness within Sakura were the same. This wasn't her house it was her torture chamber.
"I'll be fine Matou"
I whispered baring my whole resolve in those couple words.
For the first time, I was starting to imagine in detail Maotu's past, what she might have gone through, and oh boy... if I was right I was going to burn this place to the ground the second it stopped being useful.
"No matter what happens, I'll still be a pain in your back for a while and I'll keep messing with you and Emiya, so don't get your hopes up... I won't be leaving soon"
My tone was dripping with arrogance and excessive confidence, but I obtained the result I desired.
Hearing my words Matou's face froze as if a gust of autumnal wind had just slammed against her face, she turned her head to stare right into my dead eyes and then chuckled.
"Com' on really? I was looking forward to get you out of my sight, it's kind of unsettling having to deal with you when you see through me so easily"
The fear was still audible in her voice, but somehow she still managed to smile. Sakura Matou was really amazing... a potential psycho, but an amazing one nonetheless.
"Deal with it brat"
I grinned tightening my grip around my cane.
Sakura smiled one last time seeing my cocky face. then she dropped the heavy bag I made her carry until now and put her palm on the wooden door.
"Then... please don't break your word... and welcome to hell"
Suddenly the defensive barriers were lifted and the door opened in a flash sucking Matou away. A cloud of smoke, dirt and flies, just sooo many flies surrounded me leaving only one path open. A road that led me right inside the mansion.
"Not the warmest welcome I see"
I said sighing deeply.
The show was on.
So being surrounded by a cloud of flies wasn't a new experience for me, all my Amazonian trips had been a serious baptism for this kind of situation. This time however I wasn't spending my time spitting out flies that entered my mouth for god knows what suicidal impulse, it was odd they all flew a few feet from me, and yeah I was thankful, but they moved so much air. Those insects seemed an organic AC.
"Uf, I'm freezing"
I scoffed putting one hand in a pocket.
The Matou had better serve me tea after this useless stunt.
Advancing with tired steps I made my way into the mansion and of fucking course the door slammed behind my back the moment I got past it.
"Oh God this is so cringe"
I thought as all the light faded out.
I knew that setting the mood in your evil layer was important and all, but please put more heart in it. Even without light, I could still see everything around me. Okay see maybe was an exaggeration, but thanks to my innate talent to perceive negativity and mana I was able to picture the layout of the house. All those flies flying around acted as a perfect tracer to understand this place.
Lines of silverish blue and pitch-black appeared in my brain allowed me to scan the entire area without even moving a finger, and for the nth time, I couldn't stretch how disgusting this house was.
I could feel it vibrate in my bones. The pain, the anguish, the desperation, it seemed a small extermination camp.
"So two floors, one with a living room and five rooms and the other with a total of eight rooms, there is a... basement... a very deep basement, most of the negativity comes from there if I have to fight for real better being close to it"
I sighed stepping deeper and deeper into the mansion.
It was taking all my will power to stay calm and contain my rage. I knew the darkness needed just one command, it just needed me to act as a breach to ravage this world. But I couldn't, I wasn't in fight condition and I had no idea of how much collater damage I'd cause if things got out of hand.
I needed to stay calm and stick to the plan.
"Yeah stick to the plan"
I said gripping my cane until my knuckles went white while twisting its arcuate top a little.
*click
An internal mechanism flickered and a set of flu pink lines started to appear on all the surfaces of my off-brand leg.
Following the path of the flies, I limped my way into the living room where a weird Mana signature was waiting for me.
"So it's definitely not Rider"
I told myself entering in the dark room.
"And it seems kind of a monster. Oh God is this a jump scare? am I going to be greeted by a bloody clichè? I can go past the cloud of dust, the shutting door, and the flies they were already a stretch, but meh okay I get it not everybody could afford butterflies, moths, or BUGS!"
My inner monologue was cut short by the sudden comprehension of what creature was in front of me.
"BUGGGGGGGGGGGGG"
I cried with a voice way more acute than usual.
In a flash of disgust, I grabbed the first thing I had in a pocket and started to spray it on that thing!
"AAAAHHHHHHHH!"
I screamed shooting the whole damn can aginst that over-sized insect, luckily the object I found in my pants was the insecticide bottle Matou wasn't able to put back in my bag.
A lucky coincidence, a nice change for my usual life.
The mega bug started to scream under my deadly droplets and the sounds he made were more akin to the pained cry of an old-man than any animal I've ever heard. Still, the bastard just wasn't going down I needed the big guns.
"Oh, now you've done it, you coriaceous fuck!"
I proclaimed setting the insecticide on fire with my lighter.
A nauseating blaze started to crisp the beast, and now that I could see it clearly, it was incredibly ugly... and clothed... wait something wasn't right.
"Sempai!"
Matou's voice suddenly called me and then the lights switched on.
"Ugh finally! Hey Kouhai, just how long those it takes in your household to greet guests properly"
I asked turning my face towards the girl.
With elevate displeasure, I saw that Jerk-kun her cousi-brother was along with her at the entrance of the living, and both of them had their eyes wide open in shock.
"So... I came here to speak with your grandfather can you call him for me?"
I asked trying to imagine what was traumatizing them so much.
It was annoying having to deal with people that weren't focusing on you. Especially when the screams of a monster cockroach already made it difficult to talk and to listen.
"You..."
Stuttered Matou.
"I what girl? We don't have all day speak up"
I groaned annoyed by her behavior.
Why people got all quiet when there was a problem? If they just spoke normally their issues could be solved way more efficiently without having to decode all their bloody words.
"You're crisping him"
"Uh?"
I grunted turning my head towards the bug monster.
Spoiler, it wasn't a monster or at least, not a canonical one
"... his soul hasn't been human for a long time now"
I thought while stopping to spray the old man.
"Well this is awkward"
I sighed returning to stare the two purple siblings.
Was it too late to keep going with the diplomatic approach?
"Rider get him!"
Cried Jerk-kun a.k.a Matou Shinji while rising a small book.
"Well that figures"
I whispered immediately bending my back backward.
There a few perks in fighting against an opponent after having brainwashed away the memories of your first friendly murder attempt.
"First if he or she had underestimated you the first time, it was going to happen again"
I thought seeing the heel of Rider physical manifestation fly a couple of inches above my face.
Did she seriously tried to go with a flying kick?
"Second you already knew, their first three moves"
I grinned as the servant landed and assumed her usual fighting stance.
Her hips were high and her face bent down to an unusual degree. I was actually curious to see it from behind given how little clothing she had, guess even with a blindfold on her mystic eyes she had to make her opponent rock hard.
Shoot yourself Human.
Com'on it was funny brain!
Anyway, I was already familiar with Rider's incredible acceleration and agility, so I wasn't surprised as she darted in my direction like a mad bullet. Despite her incredible speed Rider wasn't a threat as high as many would expect. The first time we fought the place was just a narrow dirty alley, so Rider's incredible agility couldn't be exploited much, and this time around the situation was even worse. There were people she couldn't risk getting hurt by a random fragment of furniture she destroyed while charging around the room so the only thing Rider could do was charge in a straight line.
Her fist was like a lightning tearing apart the air before my chest, I managed to dodge by the skin of my teeth even though I already knew her attack pattern and timing. I was really a mess if this fight lasted longer than five hits I was done for.
I slipped behind the servant's back and dived under a subsequent round-house kick aimed towards my temple. With a fluid motion, I draw my gun and shot a bulled right against Rider's neck. Twisting her head at inhuman speed the beautiful purple monster managed to be just grazed by my projectile, yet a crimson line still appeared like a necklace under her chin.
Realizing the new threat Rider backed down of a few steps and we reached a stand-off. Rider was standing right between the Matou siblings and me, while their gramps was... I didn't exactly know, he was regaining the flesh I had burned by absorbing bug familiars. If my guess was right I had to close this up quickly or I would have lost the moment that old-man returned operative. He didn't fit in the common definition of human, or living being to begin with, so I wasn't sure about how to deal with him. I had just been lucky this time, I caught him off guard and bought myself a few precious moments. It was probably time to cash out my insurance.
In a second I aimed my gun towards Sakura and shot a bullet towards her face, the same face that went from "seriously" to "Oh you son-of-a-bitch" in mere instants, truly remarkable.
Rider reacted almost immediately when she understood I wasn't aiming at her. A flash of mana surrounded her body, she turned her heels at light speed and chased the bullet.
I followed her readying my cane and summoning a veil of black smoke under my clothes. It was a strategy similar to the one I used to match Sieg's pace yesterday night, I manipulated the magic around my body to push it in the direction I wanted at the speed I desired... the only downside was that with this last dash my remaining energies were stripped away. It was all or nothing.
Displaying the power of a heroic spirit Rider actually managed to ger the bullet, she grabbed it with two bloody fingers! Without mentioning her blindfold, I mean seriously what the fuck, Medusa was a serious hack, out of all the servants I met so far none had enough raw power and precision to accomplish the same feat. Sure they could have stopped the bullet in much simpler ways like armors, runes, shields, thick ass muscles... looking at you berserker.
What was I doing? Oh yes concluding the plan and explain the last perk of fighting an enemy that has forgotten you.
Seeing them lose was satisfying as hell
The moment Medusa caught the bullet her usual cold and beautiful face gasped in surprise as she realized my aim was off. The bullet I had shot was a couple of centimeters away from Sakura, all this scene was just a bait to get her where I wanted: facing the bottom of my weapon.
In the time I spent to pull a trigger Rider had already managed to turn herself towards me and brace herself to dodge another bullet. If had shot her with my gun she would have avoided the projectile with ease, unfortunately for her, this wasn't the case.
I grinned out of pure malice and then.
"Bang"
I said releasing the power of an entire magic jewel out of my cane.
An explosive wave of pinkish energy ran over Rider shooting her through the wall of the living room in the kitchen.
The funny thing about overpowered beings was that they hated if a trick worked just once on them. How could I put it, they craved for a second attempt, a chance to prove it was just a casualty if a cheap-shot had actually worked. Usually, the desire of the overpowered jerks was granted because the mentality of the poor bastards facing them was something along the lines of:" If it worked one time why not two". WRONG THAT'S HOW YOU GET YOUR ASS KICKED.
The optimal approach was to fool them into thinking you're gonna make the same move twice and then BAM mana wave that will probably blow up your prototype cane on the second shot. God all the five mods of that bloody thing could work one or two times at best, I seriously hoped to conclude this damn brawl quickly.
"You actually shoot me"
Said Matou oddly unfazed by her servant being throw across a bunch of bricks.
She definitely knew how though Medusa was, unlike Jerk-kun who was just staring at me in complete shock.
"It's not like I would have hit you, I just needed to set the mood for negotiations"
I replied lining on my cane to hide my fatigue while twisting its top again.
*click
Now I just had to wait until the railgun pinpointed my location.
"Negotiations?"
Growled a deep and coarse voice, it was the old man.
"You'll be lucky to bargain your life out of this AHHHHHHH!"
"Shut up now! Now I'm talking!"
I said spraying another round another blaze of insecticide against his face.
It was pretty difficult because I had to put the cane under my arm to hold both the lighter and the can. I highly doubted I was doing more than annoy Maotu gramps but, I needed at least another ten seconds of transmission for the railgun support. So it was time to improvise.
"You puny child do you even realize who are you disrespecting"
Roared the ghostly old-man making his way through the flames.
"No... I came here exactly to meet you"
I replied with no-chalancè interrupting the fire
"Hikigaya Hachiman pleased to meet you"
I smiled throwing away the can and stretching out my hand.
"Oh, Matou Zouken likewise"
He said shaking my hand for a second before his gears started moving.
"...You signed your death sentence by making fun of me"
The old man whispered with a mixture of disgust and shame.
Suddenly the weak-looking hand of the old man started to tighten around mine like the jaws of a shark. Then a swarm of bugs crawled out from his kimono sleeve and began trying to eat my flesh. Still, I kept my cool and began calling the smoke, the darkness, that was lying dormant within this house.
I said calling because controlling wasn't the correct term, all this negativity didn't respond to my will, it was completely outside my control, however, I knew for whose blood it was thirsty.
"Making fun is a harsh way to put it"
I said while dozens of black smoke hands appeared above mine to grip Zouken.
"More like reminding you are not as sharp as you used to Mr. Matou, and that there are way more people out for blood than you'd imagine"
Darkness and bugs began to twirl around the two of us cracking and making fall all the furniture of the living room. A thick wood table was flipped and dozens of books fell from the shelves. With the tail of my eye, I saw Rider dragging away Sakura and Shinji, I tried to guess where they went but Zouken started talking.
"That's an odd spell you're using, I couldn't feel any mana coming from you. What are you, child?"
He said with the curios eyes of a sociopathic child ready to open up a lizard for the first time.
"A precious ally or your worst nightmare, it's up to you. Plus are you sure, you're the correct person to ask me what I am?"
I replied pulling the trigger of my cane.
"It takes a monster to recognize another, and in my life I've seen several beasts wear human skin, but again none had an aura such as yours"
"Well you flatter me, but I would prefer to discuss these topics with more calm, I bet you'd hate another hole in your roof"
"I'm sure I can kill you and keep living with my doubts intac- Wait you said another?"
Asked Zouken with a confused tone just before a lump of metal crashed against the Matou mansion at Mach-3.
The walls began to shake, clouds of dust filled the air, and the acute screams of the Maotu siblings could be softly heard under the noises of the house.
Thank GOD! The walls were enchanted enough if the whole place fell apart I wasn't sure about what I would have done.
"So can we talk calmly in front of a cup of tea now, or I have to blow up this place?"
I asked renewing the strength in my grip.
Okay right now I had reach two out of the three goals of my plan: showing my power and showing my resources had gone well, now only one thing was missing.
"You're crazy... and you almost remind me of myself back in the day, but tell me why in heavens and hell should we have tea?"
Chuckled the old-man revealing a grim smile.
I had to be amusing, and this point was a gamble even bigger than the other two.
"Because your niece is very talented at brewing it..."
I said bracing myself for the success or the failure of my plan.
"to the point, she could even shoe a flea"
In an instant, all the insects in the room stopped to fly and began crawling back inside the walls of the mansion.
"Gah"
The dust cleared out.
"Ahah"
And what that had been broken repaired itself.
"Ahahahahahahaahahah, what a particular choice of wording child, one that I've not heard in a very long time. Fine, you win. Sakura, bring some tea to our guest, we have a business to discuss"
Matou Zouken what a fucking monster.
*ALTERNATIVE
"What impudence?"
I asked playing dumb.
"... the one in your voice"
"the what in my what now?"
"The impudence in your voice"
"The purulence in my voice? That's just mean"
"THE IMPUDENCE IN YOUR VOICE!"
"Ohhhhhh Impudence okay. But you know as things stand now, I'm the one talking calmly and you're the one screaming"
"GGGHHHHAAA! Ehm... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Fuuu I'm calm. I'm calm and now I'll kill you."
Cried Gilgamesh before recomposing himself and summoning one single golden portal above his head.
Good news I realized it took less than I expected to make this guy snap. Bad news I realized it took less than I expected to make this guy snap.
"Yeah, sure, go ahead, hit me with all your might, show the world how the great king of Uruk, destroy... a cripple"
I said very theatrically while Matou just sat paralyzed.
"Seriously dude imagine the glorious title of a newspaper: Golden servant kills an incapacitated teen and gets even injured in the face in the process"
"I didn't get injured in the fac- *shoot"
"What were you saying, I couldn't hear you under the sound of my toy, gun-chan. Oh dear is that blood on your cheek Gil-kun?"
Afterwords
AM CHEMIO FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE