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The following is a fan-based
FICTION
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Chapter 4: When in doubt, Apple Juice
While for the first few days of getting stalked around by the 'nun-turned-nurse' I seriously thought Caren was plotting my death, I was awkwardly surprised when that proved to not be the case.
I mean, it wasn't like it was difficult to get that kind of message 'twisted'. Getting followed around when possible, all the while the girl made an effort to make her stalking less cospicuous with others, and then staring at me so intensely that I just prayed at times for her to try and do something murderous and put down any reason to feel threatened for other reasons.
But no, the young woman had, in a very unexpected and yet legitimately expectable way, decided to stalk me for something else. The first 'true' hint was when she dropped a little card by my desk in the teachers' lounge. It was contained in an envelope with a small red heart in the middle of it and... I was distressed by what I found in that card.
Are you single, handsome?
O Yes
O Yes
Written in Italian and offering me no real 'Option B'. Instead of answering it, I promptly trash-canned it. No reason to even consider doing something too extreme as it would have gained a reaction of equal if not thrice its intensity. I just decided against being open about it. Either if I 'liked it' (which was a solid no for many reasons) or not. I thought this was going to be it. She would have found the card in the bin, she would have gotten the message and I would have been spared from the worst possible scenario tied to this.
Caren's stalking became more 'determined'. She would track my steps, from early morning up to the time I would get home. She would be 'walking around' while I was going out to get some groceries, and she would tag along despite the polite way I told her to 'go away'. I didn't go too direct out of not getting shanked by the girl. 'Docile' she might behave, but Caren still was someone that could easily employ a Black Key and sent me straight to an early grave if she so felt the need to.
So, I was stuck with this issue and... with an incessant whining from Taiga as the brunette clearly failed to understand the situation and further put me in a bad spot and mood.
"Wah! Why are you going out with her?" She asked, miffed by the circumstance.
Because your grandpa is a crazy bastard that would have me sleep with the fishies the very day I did something warranting paternal protectiveness?
We were in the teachers' lounge. The Tiger of Fuyuki had me cornered for some 'juicy info' on why she got her 'opportunity' snatched out of her maws before she had the chance to at least 'try' her way.
"I didn't ask for this," I remarked calmly.
"But you two are going out!"
"We are not," I rejected and gained a frown from her.
"What do you mean you're not? You're always around Caren."
"The opposite is right. She is around me all the time."
"And... what does that even change?" She asked, quite annoyed. And I could only sigh.
"A lot."
"Sounds like you're just making excuses now, John," Taiga lamented and I huffed.
"As if I would need to make excuses for that," I muttered flatly. "Still, no. We are not together, we are not going out."
"But you two-"
"She knows when I'm out and she ends up 'wandering around' while I'm outdoors. I don't call her and tell her to join me for groceries or other stuff."
...
She frowned. "That sounds... like you're lying."
"Taiga?"
"Hmm?"
"That's another reason why you are single."
"...What?"
"Let's just say that you really should study the conversation we just had some more and then, when you do that with a clear mind, allow yourself a facepalm."
She looked even more confused at that instruction and, yet, much to my brief relief, it seemed that effort to work out the mess had gone well as, the next day, she pulled me to the side and wanted to tell me something that 'would have made me happy'. I should have known it wasn't the truth, or rather not the factual truth but Taiga's own grasp of the situation in her own terms.
"We're going out drinking!"
"...What?"
"You, me and Caren! So you can confess to her!"
...
You utter moron!
I didn't say it, I just couldn't. Not when Caren decided to pass by, explaining why that day she had been missing on some of her routine with me. She had been plotting, cunningly preparing a way to get something out of me through this opportunity. This sounded like the recipe for apocalypse but... at least I got spared from dealing with her stalking for a good part of the day. It was around the time school was over, it was getting quite late that... Taiga came in and yanked me to the entrance, ignoring the fact I had plans to drink a very bitter coffee before this. Something as pitch black as a Kotomine's heart.
Caren looked calm, but I could tell she was giddy in her own way from the smile she had on her face. That was the kind of smile someone like her had when they were ready to decapitate someone with a chainsaw or getting something very nefarious out of a pseudo-date. I was already having regrets about not having dared Zelretch and bailed from that location at once. Sadly for me, I just couldn't as I was now stuck with this.
The Nomikai wasn't an unusual practice, but definitely one I wouldn't have imagined to end up facing as a teacher. We had the kind of job that shouldn't allow us to go through this kind of process. Not when alcohol could seriously screw up with our perception of things during workdays. Nonetheless, the situation unfolded and it sure unfolded oddly.
First thing first, the place was quite empty, with few clients enjoying the place that late afternoon and... we were soon given menus packed with a lengthy list of alcoholic beverages. Taiga didn't even read it as she quickly ordered two bottles of Sake for herself. I wasn't sure how that was humanly possible for her to enjoy, butI was actually surprised when I saw some genuine hesitation when Caren had to look into the list. And that's where a possibility reached my mind. A chance of hope. What if Caren had never drunk alcoholic drinks before now? I mean, maybe she had some experience with wine due to the Church having a thing for it, when it came to Japanese drinks? Oh boy, that was going to be quite fun.
She ended up getting a whole bottle of Sake. While I stuck with Apple juice. A bit of a surprise pick, but I thought big and could tell that any possible effort to get me drunk even with small amounts of alcohol, could become dangerous on myself. So I stuck by the childish option. It paid off almost instantly. Caren managed to drink about half that bottle before her head fell on the table, eyes closed as she had fallen asleep on the spot. The development had a very drunk Taiga giggle while patting the sleeping girl's upper back.
"My, oh my! She is so gone with her mind and... I guess I'm too!" She admitted, giggling before giving me an amused look.
"John-kun, I think I should go before I do something silly to you. Have fun carrying her back home~."
...Wait no, that's actually bad. I sure as hell am not dealing with Kotomine about this!
...
And she was gone. Dammit.
I spared a bitter look at Caren, having to take care of her part of the check since Taiga had hers dealt with as she left and the sleeping girl had no means to pay anything at the moment. And sake is quite expensive. What ensued next was me picking her up from her seat and putting her in a piggyback ride. Which was really unpleasant since she instantly set her chin on my shoulder, and really close to my face. Way too close for my liking.
For a while, I thought it was just going to be a really uneasy piggyback ride. But then things had to get weirder on me.
Yet... Caren soon woke up.
"Jooohn *Hic*."
Dammit.
"What?"
"You smell good."
"..."
"And you are really warm," She hummed quietly, nuzzling her chin onto my shoulder. "Can you hug me?"
"No."
"Pleeeeease?"
"No."
"But I *Hic* luv you!"
"You're mad. Delusional," I rebuked with an irritated tone, starting to get very unnerved by what she was talking about.
"I-I'm not delusional *hic* I'm drunk! And in love!"
That's not something to be proud of. In both cases.
"Good to know, then you wouldn't mind if I said your breath stinks with that much alcohol you got."
Her arms tightened around my neck. "Jerk."
"That's your fault for trying to get me drunk and unable to make good decisions. Like you are. And this should also be a lesson to not use alcohol in general to seduce others. Prick."
"I-I hate you then *hic*."
...
...
Caren giggled. "I lied."
I sighed. "Can't you just go back to sleep?"
"I really like that. *Hic* To be treated mean... just right~."
Dear God, I'm not having this conversation.
"It's like... like a tingle. In my heart~-"
"I think you should just sleep. Spare yourself the trouble."
"I really like you~," She whined and I sighed.
"And I don't. I don't like people that pick on kids because they want to hurt them. Especially when their job is to help people get better."
"...Sorry?"
"A bit late for that."
"Oh..." Caren went quiet for a few minutes, then tried to whisper something. "L-Like you too."
"I didn't say anything."
"...In my heart you did."
This is just getting stupid and I could feel my braincells just die at this conversation. Why the hell did I think speaking with a drunk person would actually work?
It didn't matter in the end. The girl went back to sleep, I was spared more of that uneasy discussion through the whole walk and then I got to the church only to be greeted by the one person I didn't want to speak with at this late hour. Kotomine looked as awake and calm as usual, seemingly unaffected by the late hour.
"Quite the late hour to bring my daughter back, Bukharin-san."
"She wanted to drink. And she didn't want to get dislodged by her seat since she found it nice and comfy to sleep on."
...
"I see. Then, may I?"
He reached out with his free hands and I could tell what he was up for. I turned to the side, unwilling to give the priest my back, so that he could pick up his daughter off from me. Caren struggled a little to get out of my hold and... yet she relented as she got the chance to hold onto her father.
Kirei gave me a glassy gaze. "Did you do anything you should be concerned about when it comes to my daughter?"
I blinked, staring back with an annoyed look. "Nope. And I would like it if you told your daughter to stop stalking me."
...
"Is that so? She is... following you around?" He sounded the 'proud' kind of surprised. And I didn't like that.
"Stalking, yes," I corrected. "And I mean it. Whether The Church wants her here or not, I don't think that would be fine even by your own standards."
...
Kirei didn't show any surprise at the fact I was aware of the Holy See's current activities, but he did tense up as I mentioned that secret affair.
"I see. I will tell her to be less... invasive about it."
"I would like if it-"
"My daughter is free to pursue her happiness," He interjected, a smile appearing on his face. A very vicious one at that. "What kind of father would 'deny' her the chance to do that?"
...Ah yes, Kirei being a bastard. Always been a character-defining trait in all dimensions.
I didn't utter other words. I did what I had to do and I could finally get back home. Much to my relief, Caren's stalking lessened to the point it wasn't obsessive but... it was still there. And sometimes it puts a wrench in my good moods. Things seemed to really get back to normality for a while. And then, a few weeks into that, I got to deal with the first parent-teacher visit for my classroom.
Let's just say that ended up bringing more heat onto me than I would have liked...
AN
Caren will just have to play smarter. Still, next time some extra wholesome situation with hints of misunderstandings left and right. Also, who do you think will come for Shirou and Illya? Kerry and his wife, or perhaps the two maids. Truth be told, I didn't even decide so... have fun betting on that~!
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