Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters. I haven't bought the rights to Merlin since the last chapter was uploaded.
Gingeraffealene: Thanks, I hope you find this chapter funny as well.
CrystalQueen187: Maybe I'll have to do one focused on Merlin.
Blue Jean: Arthur's enemies better watch out!
Morgana sat on a couch clutching her stomach and laughing. "Hey, Merlin, get a load of this."
"What?"
"One manuscript is from a writer who claims to have saved the king's life many times using magic. The manuscript further adds to the evidence King Arthur was not a real historical figure, as it refers to the king as a 'prat' and an 'idiot' throughout its entirety. No writer would have risked death by humiliating the king in such a manner."
Merlin fell off his chair laughing. "Keep reading."
"A great many of the surviving manuscripts tell of the king's half-sister being a witch. It appears some writers wished to tell a heroic tale of surviving an attack from a witch. It is unknown why they chose the king's half-sister to play this role. The manuscripts demonstrate that even firsthand accounts of historical events may be wildly inaccurate. Writers may have more interest in entertainment than accuracy. Of particular interest is an account which contains the following sentence: 'If Morgana reads this she will most certainly kill me, but history needs to remember me as the man who drew smiley and frowny faces in her spellbook and lived to tell the tale.'" Morgana's eyes narrowed. She flipped to the cover to read the authors' names. "I'm sure Harold J. Stevensen and Terence Roberts would appreciate an explanation from the king's half-sister of how wrong they are. Also, if Gwaine didn't want to get caught, he shouldn't have drawn frowny faces all over the page with the electrocution spell."
"You did that to him so often I thought he'd develop immunity to it."
"He was asking for it!"
Daniel was talking with Morgana. "Do you like Disney movies?"
"Disney? I remember telling Walt how disappointed I was that Snow White had a queen who was an evil witch. Then he made Cinderella and I'm quite sure he was mocking me with the fairy godmother. Walt just didn't like me criticizing his artistic choices. I didn't like either movie. I do like the more recent ones, though."
The bell rang.
"Let's start class. We actually have a while before I need to move on from King Arthur."
Daniel groaned. "Does that mean we're going back to how it used to be?"
"Don't worry, I've met a lot of the people who come later in the curriculum. King John wasn't too happy that I stopped him from collecting taxes by enchanting all his tax collectors so they were stuck to the castle. Now ask away." She pointed at Adrielle, who had a sheet of paper in her hand. It was just like her to come prepared. Morgana prepared for some interesting questions. "Yes?"
"I'm sure you and Merlin had some arguments as a couple, didn't you?"
"Merlin, I don't know why, but I just get the most terrible feeling when I look at those mountains. I'm going to remove them."
"Wait! Morgana, I can't explain it either, but I really like those mountains. I'd feel terrible if you were to take them down."
"Come on, Merlin, they're an eyesore. The horizon would be nice and flat without them."
"Dull and flat, you mean. They add some variety so there's something other than farms out there."
"Well, it would add variety if I slapped a ball of rat corpses on the castle wall, but it wouldn't be an improvement, would it?" Sparks flew from Morgana's fingertips.
"Well, some people happen to find mountains majestic and inspiring." Steam formed from Merlin's hands.
Gwaine and Leon were listening from a distance. "Ah, yes, the things couples normally argue about. What to eat, who last took out the garbage, and whether or not to get rid of an entire clump of mountains," Gwaine said sarcastically.
"Couples do fight over decorations. Merlin and Morgana just do it a little differently," Leon replied.
Merlin took a few deep breaths. "Wait, Morgana, think for a moment. Do you have an unpleasant memory you associate with mountains?"
Morgana thought for a moment. "Ah! It was the last time Gorlois rode off. He disappeared in the direction of some mountains not unlike those, and I never saw him again."
"Go ahead and remove them."
"Wait. Do you have a pleasant memory you associate with mountains?"
Merlin had a good long think. "It's Will. When we wanted to get away from the others, he would take me to mountains not unlike those, and we'd look over the land together. When I thought of him, when magic was still banned, it reminded me that there were still good people who didn't support Uther's laws."
"The mountains can stay."
"No, Morgana, I see Ealdor just fine from here and it's a good enough reminder of Will. Just take down the mountains, I don't want them making you unhappy."
Morgana gave Merlin a kiss on the cheek and flew out the window.
A short while later there was a knock on Merlin's door. Merlin opened the door to find an annoyed Arthur.
"Merlin, I don't suppose you have a good explanation for why those mountains were there, and now they're not?"
"Yes, Daniel?"
"I've been wondering, like about the medieval thing where a dragon kidnaps a princess. You're technically a princess, right? Do dragons actually do that?"
Morgana was strolling through the woods nibbling at a sausage when she heard a rather large pair of wings flapping behind her.
"Stealth is never going to be your specialty, you know."
Kilgharrah grabbed the witch and flew high.
"I'd prefer to sit on top." She contemplated freeing herself but decided to see where the dragon would take her.
"You have blinded Merlin to his destiny. With you gone, he will finally stand by the Once and Future King, who will usher in an age of prosperity for Camelot. He will realize his destiny."
"I'd say Camelot is doing quite well already. What do you mean he'll usher in an age of prosperity? All he does is sit his fat arse on that throne while Merlin and I do all the work. We could put a Once and Future Scarecrow in his place and still be prosperous."
"Do not insult the king in that manner, witch."
"Is there another manner you would prefer? I'll have to insult him somehow. I'm his sister, so it's my job."
Soon they arrived at a cave, where the dragon threw Morgana on the ground.
"This place is so bland! No wonder you're grumpy all the time." To Kilgharrah's horror, she began coloring the rock walls with big pink hearts. Kilgharrah breathed fire at the walls but could not remove the hearts.
"Stop at once!"
"We could go for a ride instead. That last one wasn't very pleasant."
"No. I should just kill you now." Kilgharrah breathed fire at her, but she blew it away with a strong gust of wind.
Morgana smirked. "Well, this cave is rather lacking in things to do. I was just making a suggestion. Now, I'm curious as to whether a certain dragon who lives in this cave is ticklish or not."
Merlin was walking down a hallway when he received a telepathic message.
Merlin!
What do you wish to discuss now?
Help me!
What's wrong?
The witch. Merlin could sense the pleading in Kilgharrah's message. He began running.
"What's the rush? Is there a damsel in distress? You know I am always eager to save a lady." Gwaine ran after Merlin.
"No, I need to save a dragon from a damsel."
"Eh? You mean save a damsel from a dragon, right?"
"No, you heard me right."
For Gwaine, that narrowed the possible identities of said damsel down to one. "Good luck, you'll need it."
Merlin entered a cave decorated with big pink hearts. Morgana was on Kilgharrah's back. "Please, can we take off? Oh, come on, you're no fun." The dragon looked at Merlin with desperation written on his face.
"So what did he do to deserve this?"
"I'm just making sure he doesn't kidnap me again. He said something about you realizing your destiny once I'm gone."
"Well, all right, I'll be off." He turned away and began walking. Morgana was repeatedly poking the dragon's back.
Please! Make her stop!
"I get the feeling that maybe Kilgharrah has learned his lesson. He won't do it again, right, Kilgharrah?"
"No! No, I won't!"
"Morgana, can we go home now?"
"Fine. He still hasn't given me a proper ride, though."
Morgana scanned the room for other hands but everyone seemed to have deferred to the class nerd as they trusted her question to lead to an interesting story. "Yes, Adrielle?"
"Did everyone really forgive you?"
"Almost everyone. Some didn't."
Arthur was preparing to begin another boring council meeting. Morgana walked into the room.
Just as Arthur was about to speak, a man stood up, pointing at Morgana. "She is a witch and she must burn!" There were several cheers but many more boos. It warmed her heart to see how much of Camelot loved her.
"She is my sister and you will address her with respect, Edward."
Morgana winked at Arthur. "No, I think I should burn."
"Meeting adjourned, we're going to go burn my sister."
Morgana was tied to a wooden pole with wood underneath her. A large crowd gathered around her. Some were fearful. Many of them glared murderously at Edward.
"Light the fire," Arthur shouted. He wasn't surprised to find that not a single guard was willing to do it. After all, Morgana was doing all their jobs.
A noble lit the fire. Arthur remembered him frowning when he had lifted the ban on magic.
A minute later the king couldn't help but laugh. The ropes had burned and Morgana casually leaned against the wooden pole reading a book she had pulled out of her dress. She stood amidst the flames, which lit up her face.
"This is unacceptable!" Edward screamed.
"I agree! You call this a pyre? Throw some more wood on here! I'd like my back to be warm too, you know! Hey, could you clear something up for me? You just said I should burn, but you forgot to specify how long."
"Until you die."
"That might take a while, since I'm immortal. Don't worry, if the wood runs out I can supply the fire. I'll finish this book at some point, so maybe I'll die of boredom."
She earned a good many chuckles from the crowd.
"I demand she be executed! Off with her head!"
The witch gave Arthur a wink. "Sure, why not."
She laid on her back with the crowd gathered in a circle around her. Only the executioner stood close to her.
"I don't want to kill you."
Morgana gave him a smirk and a thumbs-up. "Just swing the axe."
The axe fell swiftly but the blade stopped at Morgana's neck as if it were a rock. The executioner was astonished to find that her neck didn't even have a scratch.
"Try again. I think my hair got in the way."
He swung the axe again with exactly the same result.
"Third time's the charm, right?"
Again the axe failed to have any effect.
The witch stood up and dusted herself off. "The darn thing just won't come off. Well, we tried." She shrugged.
Edward's fury was magnified by the crowd laughing hysterically around him. He ran toward Morgana and ran his sword through her.
She frowned. "Rude. You could have asked permission first."
"Get me another sword!"
"You heard the man. Get him another sword," Morgana said to a nearby guard.
A guard gave him a sword while snickering. Soon Morgana had nine swords stuck through her. She paraded around in a circle, bending over to show everyone the blades.
"I'll have to take these out, the colors clash with my dress."
Arthur laughed so hard he got hiccups.
Morgana did see a new hand come up. "Michael?"
"What happens at those council meetings, anyway? Why are they so boring?"
"They would discuss business and take a good long while, but when I came back I was able to shorten things a little."
Arthur cleared his throat. "This meeting will now begin." Morgana and Merlin stood to his right while Gwen was next to him. Behind the king stood his knights.
"Yes, Harold?"
"The first order of business is that Odin is planning an attack on Camelot. Are we to wait for him to attack, or intercept his army? Should we shelter everyone inside the castle?"
"Actually, my sister has already defeated Odin."
Harold sat down with a dumbfounded look on his face.
"Yes, David?"
"Our scouts have spotted bandits attacking travelers to the south. How large of a force should we gather to clear them out?"
"Actually, my sister has already defeated the bandits." He gestured to Morgana, who was twiddling her thumbs.
David sat down.
"Yes, Henry?"
"Sire, Essetir has sent three assassins for you. I advise you keep extra guards posted until we apprehend them."
"I'm making a quick trip to my chambers." Morgana flew away and returned with three corpses, which she threw in a pile in front of Arthur.
Henry sat down.
"Yes, Alexander?"
"Our kingdom's crops are having a particularly troublesome insect problem this year. I advise we import some crops."
Gwaine chuckled. "We can just have Morgana glare at the insects and they won't come back."
"Very funny, Gwaine. I actually did take care of that by enchanting the crops to taste like dung until they're harvested."
Alexander sat down.
"Yes, Howard?"
"Why do we even have these meetings? Just proclaim 'Morgana has solved all our problems again' and that would suffice."
"That is a very good question."
"That's all we have time for today." She pointed at the door, which flew open. "Class dismissed."
"How long until you move again?" Adrielle asked.
"Oh, another two or three years. My ID says I'm twenty-seven now, and I'm already getting questions about why I still look twenty."
After her class left, Morgana thought about the previous lives she had left behind.