Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters.
Gingeraffealene: Glad you love it! Thanks for being a regular reviewer.
Mimmi2626: Either the couple would have to outlive their child, or the child would also be immortal. Maybe I'll make it happen for more fun.
Taz: I'm going for humor, so that's good to hear.
Blue Jean: I'm glad it was all good. Enjoy some more Morgana shenanigans. Thanks also for regularly reviewing.
LadyM: See my response to Mimmi2626 above.
Morgana popped a gummy bear into her mouth. "Do you want any, Merlin?"
"Sure." He ate one.
"Maybe after I live another thousand years one of these candies will finally have a cherry flavor that doesn't taste disgusting."
Merlin began picking the red ones out of the bag. "Wait, I think this one is strawberry. Hold on." He held a gummy bear up to the light.
"Could be raspberry as well. Can you imagine if food in Camelot were like this? A plate full of food, but one out of every three boiled eggs tastes terrible and you can only find out which ones by inspecting them closely."
"Then it would've been my job to pick them out."
Morgana was chatting with a boy in her class.
"Great." Morgana sighed. "I live over a thousand five hundred years and I get to witness dank memes. Lucky me."
"What do you think of video games?"
"Video games are a great way to be someone else for a short time. Like if you want to become a witch. Which is great, unless you're already a witch. Also, I've lived long enough to witness the evolution of language from Old English to English to 'get rekt' and 'qq more scrub'. Lucky me." She rolled her eyes.
"How about texting?"
"Great for long-distance communication with people who don't have magic."
The bell rang. "Let's begin class. Please hand in your homework."
Morgana waited.
"It seems some of you had so much fun, you forgot there was homework. Don't also forget there will be a test! I'm still teaching, you know. I guess it won't be a problem since all of you are paying attention in class. Oh, and Daniel, the textbook will be completely useless."
"Yeah, I know. For each page in the textbook, I'm taking notes on what actually happened. This page says 'False histories such as this one can be identified by the details. For example, such a prominent king would have had far more recorded assassination attempts.' I don't have notes for this one yet."
"I suppose I can help you with that."
Merlin sighed. "More assassins from Essetir? Morgana, this is getting old."
"I have an idea!"
Soon enough they found the assassins. Morgana made sure to speak very loudly. "So there are two more assassins. How should I kill them this time?"
"Are you going to slowly heat them until they die?"
"I already did that!"
"I wonder how they keep coming. It's like Lot always conveniently forgets to tell them about you."
The witch floated a suit of armor over to her and pinned its arms to a wall using two spears. "I wonder how long they'll last if I do that."
Out of the corner of her eye she could see the assassins open their mouths in shock.
"What else will you do to them?"
"Oh, lots of very painful things. I hope they come soon. I can't wait for them to join my undead army." Morgana motioned for two skeletons to come from around the corner.
The two men shuddered.
"I know one of them has got a mustache and big eyebrows, and the other has got extremely hairy legs and a brown cloak."
One of the men hurriedly got to work shaving off his mustache and eyebrows while the other disposed of his cloak and began shaving his legs.
"Their names are Dylan and Anthony. I've made tombstones for them already! See?" Two more skeletons came out carrying tombstones.
When Leon heard two men running past him screaming about a psychotic witch, and one of them had half a mustache and the other had one leg shaved, he decided he was not going to be the one who dealt with it.
Merlin shuddered. "You were creeping me out there, Morgana."
"I was creeping you out? Ooh, I'm getting good at this."
"You're proud of it?" Merlin sighed. "Of course you're proud of it. You're Morgana."
"I guess we can use the textbook," Sylvia said. "This particular history needs no such technique as many features such as the absurdity of the recorded royal proclamations give it away, but this is useful to remember when analyzing other histories."
"Keep writing."
Arthur cleared his throat. "I would like to announce that today we are harvesting Morgana's giant potato. Anyone is welcome to as much potato as they want. Seriously. I swear, we're not going to eat even half of that monstrosity. I caution you all not to let your children play around the potato because they might fall into the hole. From now on, if anyone sees my sister planting something, please report it to me. I don't want the next one to grow uncontrollably and cover the castle or something."
Morgana sighed. "I apologize to our kingdom's potato farmers. I will be in front of the castle today. Just direct me to your potato fields and I will pay you. Now, I would like a show of hands. How many watermelon farmers are present today?"
"Morgana!"
"Nobody? Oh, good."
"Morgana!"
"And here's your king, everyone."
"It is with joy that I announce to you our kingdom's continued prosperity. This past year we had fewer than half as many bandit raids as the year before."
Morgana took a bow and earned a round of applause.
"Essetir didn't invade us."
The witch took another bow and the people clapped.
"No one in Camelot has died of disease in the past year."
Morgana bowed again. More applause followed.
Arthur buried his face in his hands. "Morgana, is there anything I can announce that you can't take credit for?"
"Hmm, no, I don't think so."
"I will make proclamations again at a later time when my sister isn't around to humiliate me."
"Your king is never making proclamations again, apparently."
"This is your queen speaking. Arthur's been royal all his life and I guess he can't stand having his pride hurt. He really shouldn't be acting like this. Morgana needs to stop giving her brother such a hard time. Merlin and I will do the next proclamations without these two adult children."
Leon nudged Percival. "I don't remember proclamations being this entertaining when Uther was king."
"Considering the role of women in that time period, weren't there quite a few unhappy people?" Adrielle asked.
"Well, yes, of course."
"There are bandits raiding the outlying villages of Camelot," Arthur declared.
Morgana turned to her brother. "What? Why didn't you tell me? I have a couple new spells I want to try!"
A man stood from his chair. "Women should not be speaking during council meetings. Run along and discuss hair."
"Oh! Merlin, could you fetch me some snakes? I already fed the ones in my hair this morning, so they'll be too full to eat bandits. I need to change them out."
"Enough! Go talk about dresses or something."
"Gwen, could you help me decide which beautiful dress will be the last one the bandits ever see?"
"Your Majesty! Tell your sister to behave like a proper lady!"
Arthur adopted a ridiculously stern tone. "Morgana, behave like a proper lady."
"No."
Arthur shrugged. "Well, I tried."
"Do you find this amusing? It's bad enough that magic is back, but women are allowed to use it too? At least make it illegal for women!"
"Hmm, let me do some consulting first. Who should I ask about such an important decision? I know! I can ask my sister. Morgana?"
"Yes?"
"Should I make magic illegal for women?"
"Hmm." Morgana paced in a circle.
"This is outrageous!"
"Hmm, it's really a tough decision. It would be amusing to watch this man try to get people to arrest me, and I can do fun things to whoever does try. However, it wouldn't be fair to other magic users who are women."
"All right, I won't do it."
"Yes, Sylvia?"
"Are we good on notes? I just want to hear another story where you screw with Arthur."
Arthur looked up at the sky to see birds flying overhead. He also saw his sister flying overhead on a broom with a little girl on the back.
"Morgana! That is not safe!" Arthur screamed.
"It's perfectly safe! I stuck her to the broom. See?" She flew straight up.
"Wheeeee!" the little girl squealed.
"Where are her parents?"
"Watching down there."
Arthur found her parents. "Morgana! Get down here!"
"Oh, fine!" She landed next to Arthur, then chanted while placing her hands on the girl's legs.
"How am I supposed to be king when I spend half my time dealing with my sister's magical shenanigans?"
"Don't you trust my ability to keep people safe? After all, you're still alive."
The girl ran excitedly to her parents. "Again! Again!"
Arthur turned to the parents. "You're all right with this?"
"Of course! I trust Morgana," the father said. "I never imagined myself saying that."
"As do I," the mother added.
"What if, oh, I don't know, your magic fails?"
Morgana glared at her brother. "What if my magic fails?"
"You know, just in case." Arthur sweated nervously.
"Well then." Morgana floated the king onto her broom and took off.
"Get me down!"
"Sure." She pushed Arthur off, then stopped him in midair before flying back around and picking him up. "That is what I would do if the magic failed. Are you convinced now, or do I need to do some more flying?"
Arthur contemplated whether he should scream or not. On the one hand, he would lose a lot of dignity. On the other hand, he was absolutely terrified.
"I meant all the way down! So my boots touch the ground!"
"So I should've just let you fall? I'm done plotting to kill you and here you are asking me to do it."
Arthur decided not to scream and settled for holding on to Morgana for dear life.
"Aww, I love you too, Arthur."
"Have a great weekend! Any plans? Merlin and I are going to take a swim in a volcano."
Sylvia sighed. "How are we supposed to follow that?"