Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters.

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Guest: I'm sure the Saxons had a great time.

Morgana's skeleton was mowing the back yard when a neighbor spotted it. Merlin opened the back door to find Morgana smiling nervously at him.

"Morgana, I don't want you mowing the lawn with that. It's expensive and the lawn mower could damage it. Turn it off, please," Merlin shouted.

Morgana poked the skeleton, which stopped moving.

"Where can I get one of those? It looks very realistic!" the neighbor yelled.

"Um, these aren't being sold right now. There's only one person who makes these and she's not taking orders," Morgana said.

"Oh. Well, that's a bummer."

Thanks, Merlin.

Please don't do that.

Michael ran into the classroom and stopped in front of Morgana. "Uhh, just curious. Do you still have snakes in your hair?"

"Why, yes, I do."

Michael backed away from Morgana. "Why didn't I ever notice that?"

"Don't worry, they won't hurt you. How often do you go fishing around in your teachers' hair?"

"Not very often, I guess. You're really that old? How did I not know?"

"Well, when you go browsing for your teachers' ages, as I know you do, and you find that one of them is twenty-seven, does it occur to you that Facebook might be a thousand five hundred years off?"

"I guess not."

"Exactly."

The bell rang. "Well, you know the drill. Yes, Sylvia?"

"How about that guy who wanted to have you executed?"

"Edward?" Adrielle said.

"Yeah! That guy. Did he ever stop being obnoxious?"

Edward passed by Morgana in a corridor. "I know your plan, witch!"

"Oh, really? What might it be?"

"You watch Camelot's army grow weaker as you defeat the threats they should be fighting."

"Yes. My plan is definitely to cause the downfall of Camelot by protecting it over and over again. What a genius I am."

"The only reason you haven't attacked is because you believe Camelot's army isn't weak enough yet."

Morgana snickered. "Wait. You think I'm afraid of Camelot's army. Gwaine!"

Gwaine turned his head. "Yes?"

"Pretend like I'm attacking you."

"It would be my pleasure." Gwaine took out a piece of paper and started writing.

"What are you doing?" Morgana raised an eyebrow.

"Writing my will, of course." Gwaine went on his knees and spoke dramatically. "Morgana, before you kill me, can I please write that Merlin can have all the bottles of beer under my bed?"

The witch rolled her eyes. "Well, Edward, I think you get the point."

"What kind of a knight are you? Tell her that the knights of Camelot are not to be trifled with!"

"The knights of Camelot are not to be trifled with. Please?"

"Pretend you are attacking her, and the rest of Camelot's army is behind you!"

Gwaine turned around and waved his arms. "Stop! Please! You're all too young to die! Elyan! Noooooooo! What about our plan to replace the castle's tapestries with badly painted portraits of us?" He sobbed, clutching an imaginary Elyan's leg.

Gwen turned the corner. "Who's too young to die?"

"Uhh, nobody," Gwaine said.

Gwen raised an eyebrow.

"Just the rest of Camelot's army if they were to attack Morgana, hypothetically speaking."

"I don't know where Elyan is and I'm not sure I want to know why you're on the floor crying."

"Your Majesty! Please replace this knight. He is an embarrassment to Camelot."

Gwen rolled her eyes. "This one happens to be a fine embarrassment to Camelot. The very best embarrassment to Camelot we've got."

Gwaine stood up and took a bow. "Why, I'm flattered."

"We're in agreement there, Gwen. That is a perfect description of Gwaine."

Gwen bent over and picked up Gwaine's paper. "What's this? 'The last will and testament of Sir Gwaine. To Princess Arthur of Camelot I leave my suit of armor and my sword.' Morgana! You're not killing him, are you?"

"Of course not! He's very economical. If I kill him we'll have to get another knight and a court jester."

"Glad to be of service."

"So, I'm guessing he didn't give up after that," Sylvia said.

"Nah, but he did give up eventually."

Edward saw Arthur with Morgana outside the castle. "Why do you let this witch live?"

"I guess she lets me live, and I let her live. It's a fair trade."

"Your father rolls in his grave knowing that you legalized magic!"

"I don't think Uther rolls in his grave. Morgana, have you been making him do so?"

"No, and I'd rather not."

"Magic is evil and you know it."

"Magic isn't evil. Sometimes it can be very, very annoying, but it isn't evil."

"Uther worked tirelessly to protect Camelot from magic."

"I work tirelessly to protect Camelot from magic! I serve as the target for the brunt of her magical pranks so other poor souls aren't."

"We're all doomed."

"Weren't you listening? We're not all doomed! It's pretty much just me."

"Oh, come on, Arthur, it's not just you. Your knights are pretty doomed too."

"If I could be doomed a little less often that would be great."

Morgana smirked. "You know that's not happening."

"Is this why you save my life all the time?"

"Nah. It's just an added bonus."

"How far Camelot has fallen for this witch to run free and terrorize everyone."

"I don't usually run when I terrorize people. I fly."

"I give up."

"So, when Edward wanted you executed, the guards didn't want to do it because you were doing their jobs. I'm guessing guards were posted at every room except yours?" Adrielle asked.

"Well, my room too."

A guard reached a chamber door in Camelot's castle. "Our shift's six hours. Time to get some sleep."

"Sleep? I happen to take my duties seriously."

"Oh, you must be new. You don't know whose chamber door this is?"

"Who?"

"Merlin and Morgana. Two weeks ago the Lady Morgana told His Majesty that she doesn't need guards but he said that it doesn't look right to visitors to have no guards here. So we have the easiest job in the castle."

"I'm sure she still needs us to stay alert."

Morgana marched towards the guards carrying two pillows in her arms.

"Here. Get some sleep."

"I'm here to protect you, my lady!"

"You must be new." The witch floated a suit of armor in front of her. "Pretend this is an attacker." She cut it in half. "Feel free to sleep. If Arthur catches you, knock on the door and I'll get you out of trouble."

The guards began sleeping after Morgana entered her chambers.

Arthur passed by. "You not only are sleeping on the job, but you had the nerve to bring your own pillows."

Morgana opened the door. "Actually, Arthur, those are my pillows."

"Morgana! They're not supposed to be sleeping!"

"Arthur. I don't need guards."

"I told you, every time I get visitors, I get questions about why my own sister's room is the only one without guards posted. Most of them are from kingdoms without magic."

Morgana summoned two skeletons from her chambers, which stood straight against the wall. "Is that better?"

"No! I will get even more questions!"

Morgana fixed the broken suit of armor in front of Arthur and pointed a finger at it. It walked over to the wall and stood against it.

"How about that?"

"No!"

She flew out of a window, returning with Aithusa. Aithusa's eye peered through the window.

"What about that?"

Arthur rolled his eyes. "No."

"So are you telling me it looks better to have two guards watching my door than a dragon?"

"For the sake of our visitors' sanity, yes."

"Fine." Morgana rolled her eyes. "Arthur says you have to stay awake. Now, Arthur, you mentioned something about kingdoms without magic. That sounds so very dull. I might just have to visit them. You can come too, Aithusa!"

Arthur had a very worried expression on his face. "Oh, great. Please, Aithusa, do not accompany her."

"What did you do outside the castle in Camelot?" Michael asked.

Morgana hid behind some bushes at a farm.

"Hey, Dad, you said corn is more expensive now. Should we plant some?"

"We won't get any corn until next harvest and corn might be cheaper by then. But sure, plant some anyway, you never know."

"Okay!"

Morgana waited for the boy to finish planting corn.

"Hey, Dad, can I pick the corn now?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"It grew super fast!"

"Wait till I'm done milking the cows, and then I'll play with you, all right?"

Eventually the man came over. "What? Corn? I really should give up drinking." The man poked one of the cornstalks. "Wow. This is corn. Jackson! Give me some more corn. Let's plant it!"

Morgana waited as more corn was planted.

"Now remember, work hard and take advantage of every opportunity. In this case, let's start harvesting that corn. It isn't going to harvest itself!"

The man returned with his son, who pointed at a pile of corn. "Hey! Dad! The corn did harvest itself!"

"Uhh, so it did. What happened to the corn I planted? It turned into cabbages. Cabbages. Well, I can't really complain. You know what? I am going to plant some corn, and I am going to watch it."

A woman walked out of a nearby house.

"What are you doing?"

"Watching my corn grow. I hope it grows into carrots."

The woman rolled her eyes and shouted. "Mary, help me walk him home. He's drunk."

"Or maybe pumpkins! Hmm, wait. People are buying cucumbers now."

Some plants grew. The plants sprouted pumpkins at the bottom and carrots and cucumbers at the top.

"I can't believe he's drunk again. Let's take him home."

"Hold on, Mary, that is definitely not how plants work."

"John, what exactly did you plant over there?"

"Corn."

"What did you do to it?"

"I have no idea!"

"Why is it growing three different things, none of which are corn?"

Morgana stepped out. "That's because he couldn't make up his mind."

Mary gasped. "Lady Morgana! To what do we owe this honor?"

"You owe this honor to the fact that farms are fun to mess with."

"The exam is in two days. Therefore, the only homework I will give you today is to please write down what you would like the temperature to be on Friday and hand it in tomorrow."

"This whole thing will take some getting used to," Sylvia said.