A/N: So, chapter 2 came to me in the middle of the night as per usual. I admit I was surprised by the initial feedback XD.

Paradox Effect

Summary: Dying sucked. Dying and being killed by the same teammate again? That sucked even more. Dying and being thrown back into Blood Gulch as a girl? That REALLY sucked. Now, Leona Church will have to put up with Tucker's perverted looks, Caboose's stupidity, and worst of all, Tex's laughter…

*Chapter 2*

Tucker had seen many weird things in his time at Blood Gulch. He had seen Captain Flowers, a seemingly perfectly healthy man, die of a fucking heart attack. He had witnessed the horrible monstrosity known as Tex use Caboose as target practice.

But seeing Church as a girl, and a damn hot one at that? Now that took the fucking cake.

"Get back here, you son of a bitch!" she screamed, her eyes filled with murderous intent as she leapt at him with a few swings of her fists. "You're fucking dead!"

"Woah, chill out, Church!" Tucker dodged the first few clumsy punches, a wide shit-eating smirk plastered on his face. "How the fuck was I supposed to know that you'd turn into a chick?"

Church either was too pissed off to hear him, or she did and just didn't give a fuck. The only thing that was going to calm her down was if she could beat the shit out of the perverted aqua soldier.

Yeah, fuck that. Tucker wasn't going to let that happen. Church may be a girl now, but she still looked like she would pack one mean punch if she was anything like the Church he remembered and slightly hated.

Tucker wasn't sure how to feel about this new…development. On one hand, this was Church. The guy who was a self loving asshole and possibly the worst shot in all of existence.

But on the other, she had a pretty damn good rack. Like, a REALLY good one. Tucker wasn't sure whether to be grossed out at the fact he was checking her out like a shameless pervert or just not care.

He settled for the latter. He couldn't help it.

Church had some nice tits.

He grinned at her and ran out of the room to avoid another pair of punches. "Ha! Missed me!"

"Fuck you! Get your ass back here, you son of a bitch!" Church screamed. She got her hands on a sniper rifle and fired it at him. However, this being Church, her shot went high and wild.

Tucker laughed at her angry swear as she smacked her rifle. "What's the matter, even as a girl you can't shoot straight? Don't worry; I can help you with that."

"Fuck you."

"Gladly. Just name the time and place, Tinkerbell. How about the rock?" Tucker asked with a smirk. He was enjoying this way too much. He thought normal angry Church was hilarious. But Church being a cute angry woman? That was even better.

"That's it. Fuck this; I'm joining the goddamn Reds." Church flipped him off and stormed passed him with an irritated huff that was simply too adorable for it to be Church. "I've had enough of this fucking team."

"Damn baby, nice shake! Can I get some fries with that!?" Tucker yelled after her with a grin.

CRACK!

"Missed, bitch!" Tucker grinned. "Gotta try harder to kill me, sweetcheeks!"

Church was too busy using every possible usage of the word 'fuck' in a single sentence to attempt to shoot him again. "Fuck this fucking canyon and every fucking thing in this fucking miserable fucking hellhole! FUCK IT!"

Tucker watched her storm off to the other side of the canyon, admiring the shake of her hips as she went, and he chuckled. "Damn. I never thought I'd ever want to sleep with Church. Words I never thought would ever leave my mouth."

Caboose wandered up to him, looking after Church in confusion. "Um, Tucker? Where's Church? And who's that new mean lady? Oh wait, I know! Is that Tex's girlfriend!?"

"What? No! Caboose, just shut the fuck up." Tucker rolled his eyes. "Don't worry about Church. She'll be fine."

"Um, Tucker? I know that seeing him get blown up—"

"Which was your fault. Asshole."

"May have been traumatizing, but Church is a guy. That's a girl," Caboose finished.

"Yeah, she was. But now Church is a girl. And a pretty cute one," Tucker said.

"…how does that even happen?"

"Dude, I have no fucking idea." Tucker shrugged. "All I know is that somehow her being angry with me is making me feel a certain way, and I like it. I think I found a new fetish or something."

"…but you only have two feet? There isn't another there."

"What? Caboose, I need a translator for you." Tucker could only sigh. He really was an idiot.

Tucker wondered how long Church would actually be gone for.

He'd give it only ten minutes before she came back seething. "Oh man, Tex will fucking love this when she sees it."

Church stomped across Blood Gulch, seething the entire damn time. "Fucking bullshit. Why the hell am I a goddamn girl!? This doesn't make any fucking sense!" 'As if that wasn't bad enough, Tucker has the sheer nerve to try and hit on me! Ugh, disgusting pig.'

'Okay, think Church. There has to be a reasonable and logical explanation for this.'

'…oh fuck it, who the hell am I trying to kid? This makes no fucking sense even if I think about it! Goddammit. As if fate wasn't already out to get me.'

She let out a sigh, wishing there was a way for her to rewind time so that she wouldn't have to suffer this shit. She'd start by killing Caboose when she had the chance. He was the source of all her problems.

…okay, maybe Tex was a part of a few, too. Fucking bitch.

Church growled at the thought of her ex girlfriend. If Tex didn't go and get captured, she'd still be a guy. Then again, it wasn't Tex who shot her with a tank.

Yep, it was still Caboose's fault.

She kicked at a rock in annoyance, sending it flying. It landed next to the Red Team's sergeant, who was still somehow alive. "Wait, what!? How the fuck is he alive!?" 'He was shot in the head! He should be dead!'

And yet here he was, looking no worse for wear. He turned to look at her with a shotgun in his hands, chuckling. "Well, well, well. Look what we have here. Are you lost, Princess Peach?"

"Oh, fuck off!" Church hissed, in no mood for this shit from the sergeant too.

CRACK!

"…how the hell did you miss him?" the fat orange soldier asked, blowing a cloud of cigarette smoke out of his helmet.

"Fuck!" Church smacked her hand against her sniper rifle, growling at it. "Who keeps messing with the sights on this thing!?"

"Wait a minute…Church, is that you?" the maroon one asked. "What…what the hell happened to you?"

Church sighed and lowered her rifle. She lacked the motivation to do anything apart from crash on the nearest bed and call it a night, even though it was currently in the middle of the day. "Dude, I don't fucking know. Normally, I'd love to waste my time trying to kill you, but I don't have the will to really do it. Not today, man. I just need to get away from my team."

"You mean that bitch in black and that idiot in teal?" the sergeant asked. "Heh, we could do with another lady on the team. Maybe you can teach Donut how to paint nails?"

"Fuck you."

"Get used to it, Buttercup."

"That does it. I'm killing you first."

CRACK!

"Oh come on! Seriously!?" Church gave up trying to shoot the sergeant and instead opted to just push past them. "I'm going to bed. If my team for some reason decides to attack…do me a solid and kill them all. Less headaches for all of us."

The Reds were too surprised to really say or do anything about the new temporary addition to their team.

Grif just wanted a place to nap. Simmons was trying not to blush. Sarge?

Eh, he wanted to know how female Church would be once she had a few drinks in her. Maybe she'd give up valuable information about the enemy…

A/N: XD I'm having too much fun with this. Thanks to Kryheart for helping out with this XD.

C. Strife #5371