Leo tossed and turned not able to sleep. He was in his room and finally rolled onto his back staring at the ceiling. He couldn't take the feeling of having to leave his brothers body at the river. All the guilt and self-resentment was building up inside him. He should've known a different way of going about the mission, he should've chose differently if he had made different decisions his brother would still be here with them. But instead he was distracted, all he cared about was accomplishing the mission not making sure his brothers stayed safe. He felt like a failure. It was hard enough to look at master splitter in the eyes let alone in his direction. Sighing in frustration, Leo got up from his bed and walked out of his room.
Looking around, the layer didn't feel the same anymore. It was still and stagnant. There's no life to it, not like it usually had. It was usually overly obnoxious and loud but now it was still and quiet. Leo walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. As he took a sip of water he heard the slightest sound. Leo sighed and put the glass in the sink. He walked to the main room in the lair. Mikey was sitting on the coach made of pizza boxes and blankets. Normally he would be playing his video games for hours but instead he was just sitting there with red puffy eyes.
"Hey Mikey. What you gonna play?" Leo said from the door way. Mikey looked up at his older brother.
"I don't wanna play." He said in almost whisper. Leo nodded and slowly made his way over and sat down beside his little brother.
"You wanna talk about it?" Leo asked as he messed with his hand wrappings. Mikey just shrugged.
"You know this isn't your fault, if anything it's mine." Leo said still fiddling with his wraps. Mikey turned to look at his brother.
"You and I both know that if it wasn't for you we would all be dead hundreds of times. It's the rest of us that mess things up." Mikey said.
Leo sighed, "I should have made sure that everything was covered before giving the signal for us to move. But I was more concerned with accomplishing the mission when I should have been making sure my family was safe. I'm sorry Mikey."
Mikey nodded.
"I just feel lost. Nothing feels the same, you know." Mikey said with fresh tears in his eyes. Leo turned to look a Mikey.
"I know you don't see it right now but we will get through this."
Leo wrapped his arm around his brother. He looked up and saw Donnie in the door way clutching his laptop to his chest with tears streaming down his face. Leo waved him over and Donnie sat down beside him. Leo leaned back into the couch and wrapped his brothers in his arms. They both cried silently into Leo's shoulders. And stayed that way for a long time.
Donnie was the first to sit up.
"I'm gonna make some food for everyone." He said Leo nodded and let go of his brother.
"I'll help." Mikey sniffled as he got up to fallow Donnie to the kitchen. Leo desided he would go check on master splinter. It been a few hours since Leo last saw him so he wanted to make sure his dad was ok.
Leo first looked in his masters room and found he wasn't there. That meant he was probably in the dojo meditating. Leo walked over to the dojo doors and quietly opened them. He stepped in and shut them behind him. He turned and found splinter meditating. Not wanting to disturb him Leo came and sat down beside his master and meditated as well.
"Tell me your pain, my son." Splinter said. Leo Sighed heavily.

"I can't go there, dad. If I allow myself to go to that place, I won't be able to come back." Leo said with his eyes shut tight. Master splinter stood up and slowly stood in front of Leo.

"My son, I can feel your pain. Its excruciating, but if you can't allow your family to help you, you will never recover. We . . . I will lose another son." He said gently.

"I am not strong enough to allow myself to go there, Dad." Leo said as he looked up into his father's eyes. "I need to be able to be there for my brothers. If I do what you ask right now, I could get us killed. Dad. I'm not strong enough to survive another one of my family to dying because of me. I can't." Leo sobbed.

Master Splinter's eyes softened "Leonardo, your mind is the strongest most disciplined of my sons. Your strength comes from the love you have for your family. You are stronger then what you give yourself credit for." Splinter said as he knelt and hugged Leo's head to his chest. Leo sobbed and sobbed. Clutching his father's robe.

"Raphael's death was not your fault, my son. You need to hear me, Leonardo. It was not your fault." Splinter said as he hugged his son tight. But Leo was still punishing himself inside. And master Splinter saw it.

Soon Leo was able to collect himself and the smell of food wandered into the dojo.

"Let us go and nourish ourselves." Master splinter said as he slowly stood up. Leo nodded as his father walked past him but not before stopping and putting a hand on his son's shoulder.

Leo stood up and fallowed Splinter into the dining room. Donnie and Mikey were pouring stew into bowls when they came in. Then they heard the lair door open and saw April and Casey walk in. Leo could see April was a blubbering mess and Casey was trying his best to comfort her. April walked up to splinter and just hugged him tight.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Splinter." April sobbed. Splinter just hugged her tightly and brought her to the table to sit down. Casey came over to stand by Leo. He gave Leo a sad nod which Leo was thankful for he didn't feel like talking about it right now. Mikey brought April a bowl of stew and placed it in front of her and gave her a hug which she returned.

Donnie gave out the rest of the bowls and they all sat down at the table.

"What do we do now?" Don asked quietly. Everyone was quiet. Leo sighed and stood up.

"We need to decide what to do from here on. Are we going to continue to work with the N.Y.P.D. or not? To be honest I don't think we are ready to go back to work for a while. But I do know that we are going to go back to get Raphael's body tomorrow so, Casey, if you could call the Detective and get us a ride back out there we would be grateful." Leo said and Casey nodded and felt to make the call. Leo turned to Splinter.

"What do you think we should do, sensei." Leo asked. Splinter stroked his beard.

"We should focus on finding your brother first as you said and give him a proper burial. Then after the time of morning is over we will talk of work. But I don't want any of my sons to go top side for the time being. We don't know what our enemies know at this point and acting when in morning can become fatal. We are not in the right mind to be putting ourselves in danger."

Leo nodded but he didn't like the fact of staying in the lair. He knew he wouldn't be able to stay here without going mental.