A/N: Well, after a bit of a delay, here's chapter six. Thanks to everyone who's followed/favorited this. It's much more entertaining than I thought…

Paradox Effect

Summary: Dying sucked. Dying and being killed by the same teammate again? That sucked even more. Dying and being thrown back into Blood Gulch as a girl? That REALLY sucked. Now, Leona Church will have to put up with Tucker's perverted looks, Caboose's stupidity, and worst of all, Tex's laughter…

*Chapter 6*

When Church and Tucker arrived back at Blue Base, the two of them making shitty jokes at each other's expense as per the usual, Tex was waiting for them. The Freelancer was surprisingly quiet and with an assault rifle in her hands, and Church let out a heartfelt swear as she saw her ex. "Ah fuck. Hey Tex. Long time no see?"

Tex didn't reply back; instead, she sat there quietly, and Church rolled her eyes. "Oh for fuck's sake, if you're going to laugh at me, just fucking do it already."

Tex took her up on her generous offer and started to snicker, wiping a bit of sand from the corners of her visor. "Holy shit. You really are a girl now."

"Yeah. All because I went to fucking rescue you after you got captured by a bunch of idiots. Bitch."

"Asshole."

"So, am I like free to go or whatever? I really don't want to sit here and watch two lesbians fight. Unless it's gonna turn into hate sex," Tucker said with a massive grin. "Hey, I know! I could be the meat in the sandwich! Bow chicka bow wow!"

'I'm gonna fucking kill him one day, I really am.' Church sent her perverted teammate her best glare, though it probably turned him on more than it scared him, for his smirk never left his face. "I'm going to kill you. And it'll be slow and painful."

"Aww baby, don't be so cold!" Tex laughed, thumping her hard on the back. Good God, even when the woman tried to be affectionate she ended up hurting someone. "Let him have a few jabs. Then you get to kill him. It's a win-win situation."

"Not for me, I'm dead!" Tucker protested. "And I don't get laid!"

"Not our fault." Tex smirked at Church in a way that made her both aroused and terrified. She'd know that smirk anywhere, and she tried to back up away from her ex before she could enact her nefarious plans.

'Oh hell no. I know that smirk. That's the same one she wore whenever we'd have bondage sex and I'd be tied down to the bed for three fucking hours unable to get off thanks to her edging.' For the first time as a woman, Church felt fear. To her disappointment, it felt exactly the same as it did when she was a man. 'Well, great. I'm fucked.'

'Wait a fucking minute! I was once a guy, and now Tucker is trying to get between my fucking legs! Doesn't that make him…?' A devilish idea formed in her head on how to mess with her teammate back, and she shook her head. "Oh Tucker. You disappoint me. In your incredible desperation to attempt to bed me, you've neglected to realize something."

"What?"

"I was once a guy. Dumbass. Even if now I have this hot bod, I still am a guy inside. And I cannot believe those words actually left my mouth."

Tucker was silent, and for a brief moment she wondered if she finally succeeded in getting him to shut the fuck up for once. However, her victory was short lived like all her past relationships, for Tucker opened his mouth again.

"Dude, I don't give a shit. I honestly do not care. The only things preventing me from pinning you against the wall and fucking your brains out are your scary ex and the fact that you'd probably kill me if she didn't." Tucker shrugged. "So, I'll settle for making shitty jokes until you decide to come on to me. I like it when a girl takes charge."

There it was.

Church looked at Tex, and then back at Tucker. Looked at Tex again, and back to her horny teammate once more. She handed her sniper rifle to her ex girlfriend, smirking. "Five bucks says you can't hit him before he gets back into base."

"Oh, it is on Blue Tits." Tex took the rifle with a cackle and pulled the bolt back, prompting Tucker to run for his life.

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit!" He started to run as fast as his legs could carry him, ducking as a sniper round narrowly missed his head. "Hey, watch it you crazy bitch! You could've killed me!"

"Run, run, little ducky~." Tex laughed and fired at him again, this time right between his legs. "I've got a nice little treat for you~!"

Church watched as Tucker ran for his life, reaching the safety of Blue Base in record time thanks to him not wanting to be murdered. "You know Tex, I ought to thank you. You've just given me the perfect idea to whip these guys into shape. I'll call it, 'Run Little Ducklings'."

"You can thank me another way, Leonard. Oh wait, it's Leona now, isn't it?" Tex smirked and lowered her rifle, slapping five bucks into her hand. "This is gonna be a little difficult to remember."

"Don't fucking lie." Church scoffed. "You probably howled with laughter when Tucker told you I was now a girl."

"I plead the Fifth." Tex tossed her rifle back to her.

"Bitch."

"On your period already? I don't think I brought some Midol with me."

"Oh fuck you." Church rolled her eyes and jogged back to base with Tex right alongside her. "Hey, Tex? Are…are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, why?" she asked.

"Well…I've been thinking. I want to help you get that thing out of your head," she admitted. "Yeah, we don't have the best fucking history. I know that. But it all started once you got pulled into that fucking military program and they implanted you with that AI. If we can get it out then maybe…?"

"Maybe what, Church?" Tex asked.

"I don't fucking know." Church rolled her eyes. "Maybe give each other another shot or something. I just hate fucking yelling and bitching at you all the time. I actually want to go back to when we weren't trying to rip each other's throats out."

"Did you becoming a girl turned into a hopeless romantic or something?" Tex grinned.

"Tex! I'm fucking serious!" Dammit, sometimes she couldn't stand her ex girlfriend. "That thing is turning you insane. The sooner we get it out, the better. I miss the times we actually enjoyed together. We weren't miserable."

"Well, what do you suppose we do?" Tex snapped. "Neither of us knows how to do medical procedures."

"True. We don't." A plan formed in her head, and she grinned. "Buuuut…I bet we could get a medic to come here."

"And how do you propose we do that?" Tex asked. "Ask Command nicely?"

"No. We injure someone on the team. Like this." Church aimed at someone who had caused her a great deal of mental distress and fired.

CRACK!

"…did you just fucking shoot your own teammate?" Tex stared in awe.

"He'll live." Church waved her hand dismissively. "It'll take more than that to kill that moron."

"Ow, ow! The mean lady shot me! Wait…where's Church? Why are there two mean ladies now?"

"Now, we call for a medic."

A/N: I'm sorry…XD. But I'll be honest, this was the first idea I had for this and just went for it lol. Plus, it'll give me the chance to fuck with Doc's mental state. Even more fun, yay!

C. Strife #5371